tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post2955632715996366735..comments2024-01-28T22:16:42.451-08:00Comments on Dear Little Auntie: Wife beatingLittle Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-23023350914471145332011-07-14T16:09:32.826-07:002011-07-14T16:09:32.826-07:00@Anon: I'm really very sorry to hear about you...@Anon: I'm really very sorry to hear about your situation, but in truth, domestic violence has little to do with religion and far more to do with culture and the degree to which violence is acceptable either in the home or in wider society.<br /><br />In some Muslim families and communities, the Quran and hadith have been used to foster a culture of patriarchy so absolute that many Muslim men perceive it as their right to expect abject obedience from their wives and justify all sorts of barbarous treatment of women.<br /><br />But it should be acknowledged that neither the Quran nor hadith and none of the imams or scholars are advocating domestic violence as we think of it - a man hitting his wife in rage, hurling abuse verbally and physically at her. <br /><br />Rather they are predicating a calm scenario, one in which the man first admonishes his wife about her lapses, then spends a few nights away from her bed, then finally resorts to a calm, reasoned, and limited physical punishment. <br /><br />Unfortunately, due to lack of understanding, many men feel justified in their physical abuse, pointing to the fact that the Quran and imams say it is ok to hit one's wife, while ignoring all the other limitations placed upon that hitting. <br /><br />Worse, they feel entitled and empowered by these misguided patriarchal norms, seeing themselves as the kings of their home, rather than as domestic partners as the Quran teaches and the Prophet modeled for them.<br /><br />I have NEVER come across a hadith or phrase or fatwa or anything that proves that our Prophet used to hit his wives. In fact, there is a hadith narrated by his wife Aishah, who reported; "The Messenger of Allah never struck a servant of his with his hand, nor did he ever hit a woman. He never hit anything with his hand, except for when he was fighting a battle in the cause of Allah." <br /><br />Our Prophet always obeyed Allah, didn't he? Was he not the embodiment of the Quran? The character of the Messenger of Allah was the Quran, wasn't it? He was the walking, talking Quran!!<br /><br />In which case, when the Prophet had problems with his wives, he admonished them, he refrained from sleeping with them, but he NEVER went to the third step and hit them! <br /><br />What does that tell you? Was he being disobedient to Allah? No. He was showing us how to interpret verse 4:34! Showing us how Allah meant for that particular command about disciplining women to be carried out.<br /><br />In short, Islam leaves no room for men domineering themselves over women, or for physical or emotional abuse within the family. Using Islam as an excuse for repugnant behavior is actually very lame, especially since no force on earth compels us humans to behave in a certain way, we ourselves choose how we behave!<br /><br />What reason would you give for all those millions of non-Muslim men who torture their wives? Domestic violence is a human flaw, not a flaw in Islam.Zahfa Aisha Hussainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03281139462985997212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-85136733625864842722011-07-08T02:31:33.200-07:002011-07-08T02:31:33.200-07:00As for 'killing non-believers', again, sis...As for 'killing non-believers', again, sister, you need to read our article on Killing all Kaafirs.<br /><br />Killing innocent people is not allowed in Islam. Islam does not say anything against being nice and friendly to ordinary non-Muslims. <br /><br />And what about 'updating the Qur'an?"<br /><br />Well, you see, Anonymous, that's the thing. You seem to think that the Qur'an was written by Prophet Mohammed sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam. It wasn't. <br /><br />The Qur'an is the word of Allah, Himself. <br /><br />And He is the All-Knowing.<br /><br />Allah knows<br /><br />What has already passed<br />What is happening now<br />What will happen<br /><br /> What would have happened if something that hadn’t happened had happened!<br /><br />Alright, so what’s my point?<br /><br />Don’t you think He who has Infinite Knowledge would know if ‘His rules would not be applicable/things were to change’? <br /><br />Instead, Allah Subhanoo Wa’ Tala clearly says:<br /><br />“…This day I have perfected for you your religion and completed My favor upon you and have approved for you Islam as religion…(3:5)<br /><br />You see, the rules were not written for 1,400 years ago. Their revelation was ‘completed’ 1,400 years ago…to stand the test of time.<br /><br />They were decided by the One who knows us better than we know ourselves.<br /><br />Whether we are in 2011 or 5011, Islam doesn't need to change. the Qur'an actually teaches us to have the best manners. we just need to read it more and understand it better.<br /><br />Look at this verse in the Qur'an:<br /><br />Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate!" (Surah 41, Verse 34).<br /><br />^need we say anymore? :)Little Auntiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-11963265985637551862011-07-08T02:23:00.226-07:002011-07-08T02:23:00.226-07:00Thank you Minji and UmmKhalil for your comments to...Thank you Minji and UmmKhalil for your comments to anonymous :) I hope Anonymous you realize how much we all want to help you....so please, just take a few minutes and read what we write with an open mind :)<br /><br />Here's the thing.<br /><br /> In no way does Islam allow men to beat 'the hell out of women'. What your father is doing is not allowed in Islam. If he is beating the hell out of your mother, he is sinning. <br /><br />And that's the thing. <br /><br />the Qur'an doesn't need to be updated. What needs to be updated is people's lack of knowledge of the Qur'an and the manners of our prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam. Your father beats your mother- that shows his LACK of understanding of the Qur'an and ahadith of the prophet. That reflects negatively on your father not on Islam- as the above post shows, told Islam men to treat women well and NOWHERE did it give permission for men to 'beat the hell outta women'. If you understood that is allowed in Islam, let me make it clearer for you: it is not allowed to beat the hell out of women. It not allowed to even leave a single injury or mark on a woman. Umm Khalil explained that some scholars said it is like using a miswak- you know what a miswak is?<br /><br />I'm going to ask you to do a small favor for me?<br /><br />Anonymous, let's take a look at this (albeit irrelevant) verse together (you and me):<br /><br />“Do not think that I came to bring peace on Earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man’s enemies will be the members of his household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me..." <br /><br />When you read this verse, what do you think?<br /><br />And where is this verse from?<br /><br />That verse is from the Bible- it's supposed to be a quote of Jesus alyhee as salam (but Allah knows if that's true or not).<br /><br />So why do I bring it up?<br /><br />Any person can 'cut' and 'paste' verses from any of the religious Books and make it sound like religions are 'bad/ violent/ need to be updated'. But when we do that, when we cut a verse here and there, and remove it from the context, ultimately we are distorting the message. I'm sure you're quiet familiar with the message that Jesus is said to have brought- love and mercy to one another? Would it be fair to categorize his whole message with this single verse?<br /><br />No, that is why when we look at religious teachings, we have to look at it as a whole. You have to consider all the verses together. <br /><br />In this post, I showed you many verses that state that husbands and wives have rights upon each other. A Muslim has to live by ALL the verses in the Qur'an- not just choose one verse and live by it (like your father thinks he's doing but he's not even doing- since the kind of beating he is doing is unacceptable).<br /><br />I'm sorry you've had really bad experiences with Muslims. Like Umm Khalil, my father has never ever laid a hand on me. He cooks and cleans the house. He has never treated my brother differently from me. Why? Because he is trying his best to follow the example of the Messenger and what Islam says.Little Auntiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-72111660682140999252011-07-06T07:38:50.077-07:002011-07-06T07:38:50.077-07:00(continued)..
To answer your question about why c...(continued)..<br /><br />To answer your question about why can't Qur'an be updated.. The Qur'an is a manual that is not for a specific era but till the end of time. If we were to adhere firmly to Qur'an and Sunnah firmly, the Ummah wouldn't be as weak as we see nowadays. The one who needs updating is US because we think we are living in this modern era but in fact the reason for so many social ills that we see nowadays is due to our 'backward' way of thinking.<br /><br />As for 'killing of disbelievers', again that's another one misconception about Islam. We have 1.8 billion Muslims in the world.. if this is what Islam teaches us, then why haven't all of us gone on a killing rampage yet? Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam, lived amongst non-Muslims.. again, if this is part of teaching of Islam, wouldn't the Prophet have killed the non-Muslims already..? (Don't be confused with fighting disbelievers in wars). In fact, even though they were not Muslims, he actually cared for them. <br /><br />Like for example, there was a woman who would always leave trash outside of Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam's house. He didn't retaliate but instead picked the trash each time she threw it there. One day, when Prophet saw there was no garbage left outside, he was worried and even concerned if that woman was well.<br /><br />Islam values the life of people sis - and I mean including non-Muslims too. Have you heard of the ayaah that says: '..if anyone killed a person not in retaliation of murder, or (and) to spread mischief in the land - it would be as if he killed all mankind, and if anyone saved a life, it would be as if he saved the life of all mankind..' [5:32]? Now that you've read the ayaah, do you still think Islam doesn't value the sanctity of life?<br /><br />I'm not in your shoes sis, so I wouldn't know exactly what you are going through and how much you are suffering. I've always hated it when I hear or watch in news about men beating their wives, girlfriend etc because it shows the kind of person they are, beating someone who is not physically as strong as them. <br /><br />One of my non-Muslim friend come to school one day with blue black bruises on her arms and legs because her father had severely beaten her up. Another friend's father who beat up his whole family (even her brother was not spared!) all their life till her teenage years when eventually he decided to take his own life. It's from them that I understood what it was like to suffer from domestic violence.<br /><br />What I can tell you is that, let's be fair.. If you want to learn about Islam, then don't learn from how your father treats your mother and you. No doubt it will be difficult to push aside all those feelings towards your father but I ask that you at least try because you'd actually be able to see the beauty of Islam despite all that.<br /><br />I leave you with this question.. if Islam truly is a violent religion and allows woman-beating etc, then why is it that so many people have embraced Islam..? And why is it that these new Muslims are usually women..?Umm Khaleelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09270363243008137185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-66790457881031528192011-07-06T07:35:46.309-07:002011-07-06T07:35:46.309-07:00Assalam alaikoum wa Rahmatullaah wa Barakaatuh
To...Assalam alaikoum wa Rahmatullaah wa Barakaatuh<br /><br />To anonymous: Dear sis, would you change your mind if I told you that my dad has NEVER laid a finger on my mom nor on my sister and me? Or that even at this age (I'm 20+ years old), he still kisses me goodnight and lets me bully him for most of the time? Or that I told you in my large family, NONE of my uncles have beaten up my aunties? <br /><br />You'd probably still tell me NO, that doesn't change your mind one bit. Why I'm telling you this is that just because your father beats your mother and sister, that doesn't mean EVERY Muslim man is the same. How your father behaves DOES NOT reflect Islam in any way. Islam is independent of the behaviour of Muslims because some of them don't behave according to the teachings of Qur'an and Sunnah. How we learn Islam is not from the behaviour of Muslims but from the Qur'an and the texts itself. <br /><br />Would you like it then if I judged you simply from your comments and questions? You would be saying, that is unfair, you don't even know me! So yea sis, the same goes for Islam :) It's not fair that you have not tried learning Islam properly and instead, understanding it through the actions of your father. It's not fair that you come to a conclusion about Islam before you even look into it.<br /><br />I'm not sure if you have read the previous posts by the Aunties. There are steps before one can 'beat' the wife but even so, the husband cannot hurt her. It's like using a miswak (toothbrush) and tapping on the wife. THAT'S the type of 'beating' that is allowed in Islam. Are you surprised? To be honest with you, even I was surprised when I first learnt of it. Anything that results in hurting the wife is NOT IN ISLAM. So for that type of beating (and the kind of beating we've been seeing in the news) you've probably been enduring all your life, that is in NO WAY allowed in Islam.<br /><br />And you may ask WHY? Why is there even a need to allow beating if this is a religion of peace? Islam is not a religion that dehumanizes woman (in contrary, it lifts the status of women). Man and woman although they are equal, they are made to function differently, wouldn't you agree with that? Woman are generally made to be more sensitive whilst man sees things differently from us.Women can sometimes react irrationally in situations and be stubborn thus after many steps that a husband takes to reprimand the wife, 'beating' is seen as the VERY LAST resort to show his displeasure for her actions.Umm Khaleelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09270363243008137185noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-55658453383160823482011-07-06T04:18:33.311-07:002011-07-06T04:18:33.311-07:00To anonymous: I see that you have had terrible exp...To anonymous: I see that you have had terrible experience in your family. and I understand the way you got to dislike whole Islam and Muslims altogether. <br /> but what you get by showing your anger like this? not giving any proof by showing us some relevant Quran verses, hadith, or scholarly teaching. <br /> You can tell us how bad things you've gone through and ask us some solution. even though it would be really hard:( yeah, it would be real painful. home is for rest, and one cannot find rest there... that is too sad thing. Your accusing Islam hurts our hearts so much. If you stop insulting our religion and open your heart to find real solution, many of us are ready to listen to you, insha Allah.<br /> written for the suffering sisters sakefatimahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18259376637595134559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-44307373018280497492011-07-06T00:27:30.538-07:002011-07-06T00:27:30.538-07:00BUT WHY??!?!!??!?!?
WHY ALLOW BEATING WOMAN WHAT ...BUT WHY??!?!!??!?!? <br />WHY ALLOW BEATING WOMAN WHAT SO EVER????<br />if Muhammad said women r delicate <br />they WHY even give a rule that practically says <br />" oh my wife doesnt listen to me so lets beat the hell out of her "!!!! if MY religion is soo peaceful then why allow women beating at all<br />and what if my husband doesnt listen to me ? oh he is just gna be "NOT THE BEST" but that doesnt do the woman any good!<br />GIRLS AND GUYS ARE THE SAME! please.. and yes my dad beats my mom all the time weather u u believe it or not it happens...my sister gets beaten to... n my aunt<br />my aunt even shares her beating with my uncle's other wife.. HOW AMAZING RIGHT!!!! lets beat WOMAN! <br />i am so sorry but if u saw ur mother with bruises it would be the same for u ! <br />..... i mean this in the best possible way..<br />why cant the Quran be updated?? <br />and have bad things like "beating woman"-" KILLING non believers" " men being second to dear Allah" <br />and have things like " LOVE ALL LIVES! N MATTER WHAT RELIGION THE R FROM OR WHAT THERE JOBS ARE OR WHAT THEY WEAR!" <br />just stop n think woulndt the world be a better place if little muslim girls didnt get beaten my her dad n husband ? or if girl had a choice to do what she wanted ?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-51404782205056920362011-07-05T21:14:36.320-07:002011-07-05T21:14:36.320-07:00Islam truly is the best isn't it? It freed wom...Islam truly is the best isn't it? It freed women and gave them dignity. :)Azizahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10974860565438644027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-71720940827047004852011-07-05T00:23:16.555-07:002011-07-05T00:23:16.555-07:00Great post, Masha'Allah.Great post, Masha'Allah.Sabirahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15675016128841833504noreply@blogger.com