Is Everything Haram?!

Is everything haraam?? Is there anything that we can do?

Anonymous

Dear A non mouse!

My amigo, I so know what you mean. There are some grown-ups out there (okay, fine, people my age, even) who can really make you feel like everything is the ‘h’ word…H.A.R.A.A.M.

But the truth couldn’t be any further! Well actually, it could, if we change the ‘h’ word into the other ‘h’ word- H.A. L.A. A. L. One of the fundamental rules of fiqh, actually, is that….

*Get READY FOR ThiS*

‘Everything’ (outside of worship) is halal except when there’s proof that it’s haram (e.g. textual proof in the Qur’an, sunnah, or what can be derived by analogy as proof).

Does that mean you can go and do anything you want to do? Err. Nope. This rule isn’t a license to do whatever you want- it just lets you realize that Allah intends for you ease. Most things are halal. The exceptions are the haram things, not the other way around.

Let’s do a little fun exercise. Let’s list something that is haraam and some things in the same category that aren’t haraam. Does that sound fair to you?

Category: Drinks
Haram:

Alcohol (wine, beer, etc.)


Halal:

• Water
• Milk
• Lemonade
• Juices (Apple juice, Orange juice, Cranberry juice, Mango juice, Carrots and Orange juice- just checkin’ if you’re still reading this and btw, this really is a juice!)
• Milkshakes (strawberry milkshake, chocolate milkshake, etc.)
• Tea
• Coffee (Cappuccino, espresso, mocha, etc.)
• Sparkling water
• Mountain Dew,
• 7 Up,
• Coke,
• The list goes on!

You see how long the halaal list is compared to the haraam list?

It’s like when Allah Subhanoo Wa’ Tala told Adam and Hawa that they could eat from wherever they wanted, except from that one tree…We have pretty much the same thing. We can do most/many things, except some small things…

And even then, sometimes we can do those things, themselves, just ‘in a specific context’. Huh, you say? Haha, I say! Yes, some things that are ‘haram’ are actually not ‘haram’ in themselves…for example, ‘wearing make-up’ is not haram if it’s done in an area where only girls/mahrams are (like home, etc.), sex’ is not haraaameitherbutpleasecontinuereadinganddon’tstoprightthereoryou’re going to get me in big trouble with the big aunties for writing this, LOL.

But really, it isn’t haraam, so long as it’s within ‘the marriage context’.

In fact, Islamically, we believe that within that context, it can actually yield you a reward or ajr!

The fact that you get a reward for it obviously demonstrates then, it’s not ‘sex’ itself which is haram. It’s sex outside of marriage that is haram, whether we’re talking about pre-marital sex or adultery.

The truth is, when we look at this example that sex is haram when it’s outside of marriage but rewarded when it’s inside the marriage, we realize something clearly. Allah has forbidden for us or made haram for us that which is (I’m using this word on purpose, haha) harmful for us. By forbidding it outside of marriage, He has protected us from catching diseases, having illegitimate children with no right to inheritance, no clue who their father is, broken families, etc.

We can understand this even more when we consider this ayah:

"O you who believe! Give your response to God and His Messenger, when He calls you to that which will give you life." [A-Anfal 24] 

The things that He has told us to do and the things He has told us not to do are for our own benefit. They are what ‘give us life’.

Now, I know that right now you’re a teen and that you were asking about being able to ‘do’ things….
The truth is, there are plenty of things that you can do!

We’ve got to be creative and think of alternatives.
Let’s say the people around us ‘go out to clubs and drink a few drinks’. We obviously don’t do that! But we can meet up with friends in coffee cafes. What’s the harm in that?

What about going on picnics with friends?

Going to the beach might be a bit hard- what with all the nakey people- but how about going to an all girl’s gym (if you’re a girl, obviously :P). Playing basketball with your friends/soccer?

If a friend of yours has an in-door pool (okay, we can dream :D), what’s the problem with swimming?

What about reading? Not all books revolve around ‘bad or forbidden things’!

What about inviting some friends over and cooking together? It can be a lot of fun- choose a recipe, go out and buy the groceries together, come home and cook! (Gee, first I talk about drinks and now I talk about food. I sound obsessed with ‘eating’, n this post. It might just be cause I am, lol).

We don’t get tattoos but we have henna. We don’t listen to music but we listen to ‘islamic nasheeds’. Again, alternatives, alternatives, alternatives.

The fact is, don’t limit yourself to the things your ‘friends’ do. Think outside of the box. And if your "friends" are going out to do some haram things, have a back up plan ready. Get to know some Muslim girls from the Masjid. You don’t need to hang out with only people from your school.

I will say though that sometimes, it is going to be hard. And this world is going to seem like a….

Prison.


That’s cause that’s what it is for believers.

Prophet Muhammad (Sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) said, ‘The world is a prison for the believer and a paradise for the disbeliever.” [Sahih Muslim Kitaab Az-Zuhd]

Our paradise awaits for us…

Stay strong! You can do it!

I believe in you,

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Dear Non-Veiled Wanna Be Veiled Muslimah

I am turning sixteen in a few months and I’ve really started thinking about hijab. I know it’s fardh, but there are 3 things standing in my way to wearing it.

I’m worried that:

1. the hijab would make it harder for me to get married. I know that sounds so stupid but deep down inside, it’s one of the major reasons I haven’t put it on yet.

2. The hijab will stand in my way of getting a job. I’ve always been an A+ student, but I know that when it comes to the workforce, it’s not only our grades that matter. Looking different may really affect my chances of getting a good job.



3. Most of all, I’m worried of how non-Muslims and some Muslims will react. You know, the discrimination, the ‘verbal abuse’, the ‘stare’, the ‘looks’, the ‘questions’.


The thing is, I am a really shy girl. I don’ think I would be able to handle all that. Besides, I don’t want to put it on and then just take it off. So I don’t know. A friend of mine suggested that I wait till I get married, but ….



Please tell me what to do.


-The non veiled wanna be veiled Muslimah

Dear Non-veiled wanna be Veiled Muslimah,


First off, sista! Congrats on ‘almost turning 16’. May Allah bless you with many more years to draw nearer and nearer to Him! Ameen, Ya Rubb. :) You know, you’re really the cutest thing ever! Because you admitted the 3 MAJOR reasons most of us girls are wary of hijab. I know, many of us won’t admit it, but those 3 reasons are the Mount Everest’s standing in our way of putting it on. But because you took the BIG step and admitted to yourself the things you’re afraid, you’ve made it all that easier to deal with. Now we just have to tackle these little fears one by one, okay?

So let's get right into it...Wouldn't wearing hijab make it harder for you to find a man? 

 I think the question you need to ask yourself is "What kind of man do I want to marry? What kind of father do I want for my children?" (Alright, those are 2 questions, but whatever…more to come, lol.) Yes, there are some men who will be put off by hijaab, but are these really the kind of men you want to marry? Do you want to marry a person who looks for his spouse by the style of her hair and her looks? Do you want to marry a person who isn't strong enough in his faith to be looking for women who are strong enough in their faith to wear hijaab?

 The truth is, I would be worried if you did marry someone who didn’t even want you to wear hijab or who didn’t consider you for marriage simply because you wore hijab. How can we choose someone who doesn’t want what’s best for us? Is that person really going to protect us and care for us? Remember, marriage is half our deen, right. We want someone who will help us on the deen, not someone who will take us away from the deen.

 The other thing to consider is that wearing hijaab can also make it easier to get married! When you wear hijaab, you are clearly saying " I am Muslim"...Women in your communities (those wonderful aunties) will be able to say 'Hey, I know this girl, she's definitely a Muslim, because she wear hijaab and she's..." It's easier to gain a positive reputation in your community and sisters will be SURE to mention you when they hear brothers saying they are looking for wives. This isn’t against my non-hijabi sisters who don’t wear hijab. But this is the truth. Girls who wear hijab are more often than not recommended for marriage…

 In fact, I’m not married but it was only when I put the niqaab on that I got any proposals, at all. (Much to my family’s SHOCK, lol).

 Well, what about point 2. Wouldn't the hijab prevent you from getting a job?

 I’m not going to take a burnt piece of cake and tell you that’s chocolate icing on the bottom. I’m going to be straight with you. The hijab may and it may not prevent you from getting ‘a’ job.

 The question though is, do you have trust in Allah? Do you think that He is the Compassionate? Do you think that He is the Rizaq (the one- and the Only One- who gives sustenance to all)? If so, what are you worried about? Again, I'm not saying that you will definitely get the job- let's be real, there is discrimination definitely in the workforce. But one thing you should never doubt is that you will never not get ‘rizq’ that was meant to be yours- and you’ll never get rizq that wasn’t meant to be yours, especially if you’re doing the opposite of what Allah asks.

 The other fundamental thing you have to realize is that Allah is the Most Merciful and that He would never punish a person who tried to come closer to Him! It would be UNFAIR if Allah were to reward your act of obedience (putting the hijab on) by not letting you get "something good for you". Allah is NEVER not fair.

 So, let’s say, you don't end up getting the dream job you wanted and the only reason you can conclude is because you put on the hijaab. Well, the logical thing we can conclude is that ‘dream job’ wasn't actually good for you’. Maybe not good for your akhirah, maybe not good for your dunya, maybe not good for both! Maybe Allah won’t give you that ‘dream job’ because He's saving you from something. Maybe if you did get that particular job, something bad could have happened to you...Maybe He’s got something even greater waiting for you…

 We don't know. But what we do know is that we actually don’t know what’s good for us/and what’s not. Allah does.

 I also want to remind you sis that you already do have a job. You are a ‘khalifa’ and you are also a servant of Allah. Remember, Allah said He created us for us to worship Him. That’s our primary job, right there. Do you really want to compromise that job’s rewards (being a servant of Allah) with a salary from this dunya?

 Okay, fine, but what about the ‘stares’ and ‘looks’ and stuff? How does a person deal with that?

You’re going to, as the Penguins say in Madagascar (the movie, not the country- I don’t think there really are penguins in Madagascar and if there were, I don’t speak Penguin :P), just “Smile and wave”.

 When you put the hijaab on, you become an ambassador for Islam. With diplomacy, respect and kindness, you answer back all those people who treat you rudely/discriminate/ and you just step back and see how amazed they will be. You may just end up inspiring someone to become Muslim. I know a lady who inspired a man to read up on Islam when she put the hijab on. That man ended up converting…can you imagine how many good deeds she has stored up because of that? Ma’shaAllah.

 I don’t want you to think that I’m naïve enough though to imagine that it’s going to be easy. It’s not. But when you arm yourself with the knowledge of who Allah is, the realization that you are never alone, and you fill your heart with love for Him, wearing the hijab won’t seem as difficult. When you read the story of the sahabah, the Prophet’s Companions and what they had to endure, you’ll realize that a few ‘stares’, maybe even some ‘go back to your home country’comments are really nothing.

 Remember, Sumayyah? A woman? Who decided to choose Islam and refused to give up on it…. She was the very first martyr of Islam.

That’s how tough it was back then. It was a matter of life and death. Just imagine being able to meet her in paradise and telling her how you too chose like her to stick to Allah’s way, to stick to wearing the hijab- despite the obstacles that stood in your way. Imagine meeting Khadijah Radiya Allah Anha and telling her your story.

 Can you really imagine it? Close your eyes…

And get ready to take that little step. That’s all that’s needed. Yes, Shaitan does this little trick and he tells us ‘Don’t put it on cause you know you’re just going to take it off…” Just tell him- “ No, I am not. Once I start wearing the hijab (which, I’m sure you know, habibti, is more than just a head band/thing on top of the head), it’ll become a part of me, and just like how I don’t leave the house without my shoes/shirt/skirt/etc., I’m not going to leave the house anymore without my scarf/loose clothes, inshaAllah”.

 You can do it, sis. You’re an A+ student, right. How about being an A+ servant? Not by simply putting a scarf over your head, but by putting Allah’s commands over your own desires and worries. Trust in Him, Believe in Him. And you can do it.

I believe in
You.

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Dear Reader

Asaalmu aliakuam wa rahmat Allah wa barkatoo,

October 7, 2007.

My little niece was born.

And suddenly I had become someone else.
I had transformed into an.....

 

Yes, I had become one of the ‘grown-ups’. It happened to be the very same year I said good bye to my teenage years and became a (horror, oh, horror) ’20 year-old’.

A little later (alright when I turned 21), and much to my horror (this is starting to sound like a really bad ‘horror movie’ with really bad ‘horror music’…Okay, I promise not to use that word one more time, :P), my 13 year old cousin called me auntie.

Yeah, like I let her call me that again.

But the truth is, I realized something. I was ‘an auntie’.

And maybe,
Just maybe,
I could help someone out.

I still remember how I felt as a teenager. I know how sometimes it feels like there’s no one to talk to, no one who understands…

Being a teen isn’t easy…let, alone being a Muslim teen!

It can be really hard,
Especially when you’re all alone.

That’s why I am here. I’m your almost 23 year old auntie. I’m here to offer a bit of advice and maybe crack a few jokes (to be honest, they make my sides split but no one else seems to ever find me that funny--- I think most people would actually describe them as ‘lame’). But most of all, I am here to let you know that someone out there, cares about YOU.

You are the F.U.T.U.R.E,
And I believe
In
You.

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