tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84581571387686416192024-03-21T19:16:23.958-07:00Dear Little AuntieLittle Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.comBlogger262125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-46712637533982889172014-06-10T05:39:00.000-07:002014-06-10T05:39:00.730-07:00There's Good and Bad News<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Asalamu aliakaum wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo,<br />
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I'll start with the bad news.<br />
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The bad news is that I will miss you. I will miss the feeling of sisters coming together and responding to each other. I will miss reading your personal experiences that you would write in the comments. I will miss meeting new sisters here.<br />
I will miss opening up my email and seeing a letter that I know Allah MADE me see because I also needed a reminder...because I also needed to think about something, to reconsider my own actions.<br />
I will miss the trust you put in me to help you.<br />
I will miss the <i>love. </i><br />
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It's funny how time flies. Four years ago, I decided to start Dear Little Auntie...I had no idea what t it would come to mean to me or how difficult this post would be to write. I remember registering the blog name, sitting down and playing with the banner, writing the first post, and waiting for questions..and wondering "Will this really work?"<br />
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And it did.<br />
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Alhamdillah! Praise be to Allah. And alhamdullilah for amazing readers and courageous questioners. Alhamdillah for a good crew and a wonderful team.<br />
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Yes...I will miss it all.<br />
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I will miss all of that because it is time for me to close Dear Little Auntie.<br />
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And here comes the good news...<br />
because I have become a "Little Mommy".<br />
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As a 'little mommy', I am still struggling to put things together. My number one priority right now is bonding and helping my baby and that means I'm just not being able to manage this blog. And I realize that this is unfair to those who send in questions. You deserve an answer or at least a response..and since I no longer can manage to do that, then, it's time to say....<br />
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May Allah bless you.<br />
May Allah guide you.<br />
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For those who are thinking of sacrificing something for His sake, May He bless you with something better. Make each day easier for you than the last.<br />
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For those whose hearts are hurting, May He heal your hearts and bless you with His Love.<br />
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To all...<br />
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May we meet in paradise.<br />
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Love,<br />
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One Chinese Muslim writes:</div>
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So sad to see the Dear Little Auntie blog go :( but Insha'Allah your duty ad a mother is very important as we need more Muslim children with proper upbringing! , may Allah grant u success and bless u with many righteous children! If anybody ever needs to contact me for advice or anything else ( even just to chat!) u can email me at <a href="mailto:onechinesemuslimah@gmail.com" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">onechinesemuslimah@gmail.com</a> (sisters only of course!) may Allah help us all be better weaker slaves . Ameen</div>
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Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-50971885153237821692014-06-10T04:26:00.000-07:002014-06-10T05:31:38.097-07:00From Crush to Crush<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0px !important;" /></span></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">I'm a student in university in a non-Muslim country and I know that this is silly and kind of embarrassing but I am constantly going from crush to crush. </span> I don't know why this happens to me all the time, I guess I get bored and feel like I need to think and dream about being with someone. I realize that it doesn't make sense since I<span style="color: black;"> don't know these boys' personalities either, they might be total creeps! I know I should be patient because Allaah has already planned who I will marry but I am wasting a lot of time because of all of this and I don't feel I can do a good job at that. So, how do I stop going from one crush to another??</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Asalamu </span><span style="color: black;">ailakaum!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's not silly or embarrassing. It's a really good question!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The answer is kinda complicated though because the<span style="line-height: 17px;"> truth is that </span><span style="line-height: 17px;">Allah created men and women naturally attracted to each other. When we're with the other gender, our instincts kick in. And, boy, can they kick! It doesn't help either that single ladies tend to have some kind of internal radar </span>that is always on the lookout for a potential hubster/companion/the love of our lives.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So basically, <span style="line-height: 17px;">the more people you meet, the more crushes or temptation you'll probably face.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Plus, with all the movies around us and media telling us that we are meant to find 'someone to complete us'- 'a soul mate' who will love us and who will make our lives perfect - it's not really a surprise that you keep having crushes and dreaming about them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But that's the thing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You have to start by changing your belief system.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You don't need someone to complete you or make you happy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px;">There is no perfect man who will be able to give you a perfect life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 17px;">If you are bored with your life now, a man will not be able to change that for you. Yes, in the initial stages you may find yourself completely 'in love/ excited/ always feeling happy', but as the initial stages wear off, soon enough you will be confronted with the real person...warts, nose picking and all! ;) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 17px;"> The reality is that h</span><span style="line-height: 14px;">ere on earth- everyone has their own flaws, moods, quirks, and baggage. If you’re dreaming of someone perfect who’s going to know what to say/ do/ act all of the time, then you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment. </span><span style="line-height: 14px;">No 'man'/ 'person' has the solution to everything.</span><span style="line-height: 14px;"> . The only One capable of that is Allah.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">Also, t</span><span style="line-height: 14px;">his dunya is not Hollywood. Our lives here are not meant to be perfect, either. You will always have struggles to face...This is the 'dar of tests". I say that in case you are using your dreams of marriage to escape any harsh reality you are going through. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay, but is that all??</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've got some more tips for you, hunny.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1. Lower your gaze :) <span style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.799999237060547px;">It has been related that the Prophet</span><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.799999237060547px;"> </span><em style="border: 0px; color: #333333; line-height: 19.799999237060547px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam</em><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.799999237060547px;"> </span><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 19.799999237060547px;">once said words to the effect:</span></span></div>
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<span style="border: 0px; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: italic; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">"The glance is a poisoned arrow of Shaytan. Whoever lowers his gaze for Allah, He will bestow upon him a refreshing sweetness, which he will find in his heart on the day he meets Him."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="border: 0px; font-style: italic; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">I liked these two sentences from an article: </span>Shaytan enters with the glance, for he travels with it, faster then the wind blowing through an empty place. He makes what is seen appear more beautiful then it really is, and transforms it in to an idol for the heart to worship. <a href="http://sunnahonline.com/library/purification-of-the-soul/241-poisons-of-the-heart-unrestrained-glances" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">http://sunnahonline.<wbr></wbr>com/library/purification-of-<wbr></wbr>the-soul/241-poisons-of-the-<wbr></wbr>heart-unrestrained-glances</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2. Avoid free-mixing. When you are at university, and it's your lunch time or free hours, make sure you're only hanging out with sisters. If your friends are eating together with the opposite gender, find somewhere else to sit. Keep contact with the males only in professional contexts (and as much as possible, as limited as possible). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3. Don't let your imagination run wild. You said it, yourself. These guys could be creeps. Remind yourself again and again that you don't know these guys..and that when you think you are 'in love with them', you are really in love with the image you have created of them. It is your imagination that has turned them into hero characters and not actually who they are. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4. Get busy! <span style="color: magenta; line-height: 17.90625px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> </b></span><span style="color: black; line-height: 17.90625px;">Focus your energy and time on some project you've always wanted to start. Seek ilm. Join Islamic groups/ attend webinars/ etc. Volunteer! Join a club at university. Go to an all girl's gym. Do something to occupy your time and THOUGHTs so that you don't keep thinking about the guys.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; line-height: 17.90625px;">5. Try cooking and cleaning for an entire week and taking care of the house. See how 'exciting' that is. Realize that marriage is WORK and not just romance :)<br /><br />6. </span><span style="color: black; line-height: 17.90625px;"> Don't give them too much importance. They are just crushes.</span><span style="color: black; line-height: 17.90625px;"> As cruel as that sounds, just keep reminding yourself that this feeling is going to go away. That's what </span><span style="line-height: 17.90625px;">crushes</span><span style="color: black; line-height: 17.90625px;"> do. They fade with time :) It's when you give it importance that they keep staying...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; line-height: 17.90625px;">7. </span><b style="color: blue; line-height: 17.90625px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> Make dua. Ask Allah to help you get over these crushes. Ask Him for a wonderful, pious husband and peace at heart. Ask Allah to reward your patience and sacrifice for His sake.</b></span></div>
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Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-61137946118906502332014-06-08T11:10:00.000-07:002014-06-08T11:10:39.944-07:00To music or not to music...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
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Aslamualaikum Warahmatullahi wa barakaatoo, Aunties!!!<br />
Um….HI!! Before I begin my question, I just wanna say that you are the BEST aunties in the whole world! May Allah reward you all for helping out your fellow Muslim Sisters, Ameen.<br />
First, I would like to tell some basic things about myself. I am a Pakistani girl who moved to America about five years ago. I am in eighth grade and 15 years of age. To be honest, in the beginning, when I was younger, I would agree that I was a very bad image for a Muslim. I’m not saying that I murdered anyone or anything like that, but, I didn't do many things like many pious ones do (Pray, fast, Quran etc.). But later on, the Light of Allah came through the window and slowly turned my dark room into one illuminating with the Light of Allah SWT. What I’m trying to say here is that I have changed a lot, thanks to the Mercy of Allah SWT. I am way much more practicing than I was before. Some few examples include:<br />
-I started praying five times a day (Its been years now since I kept that, I’m so proud!)<br />
-I read Quran everyday (It’s like oxygen, without it the day is just incomplete and weird…..)<br />
-I recently started wearing Hijab to school<br />
-I fast every Ramadan<br />
-I’m always inviting others to the Path of Allah on an attempt to fulfilling my duty as a Servant Of Allah<br />
And I don't know many more……..<br />
The whole point of me saying that was that I can’t seem to put my mind into why I would still have a place for music in my heart after doing all that? I severely needed help in this issue and couldn’t go to my parents for they love Bollywood music like I do…(btw, the whole music thing is what I inherited from my family I guess…)<br />
I used to listen to a lot of music, but once realizing that it was haram, I stopped. It’s been almost two months since I stopped, MashAllah. But the thing is, despite the fact that I don't listen to it, I still have feelings in my heart that I really want to. Sometimes, I even hum out a song or completely start singing it. I fear Allah Most High, but I don't know what to do in a situation like this. I have done my full research on this topic only to find out that it’s very controversial and that just makes me punch the wall even more.<br />
Some scholars say that it is, using the Quran (31;6) and Hadith. But, at the same time, some say it isn't haram as an entirety and that good music is allowed. I do believe that music is Haram. Eventhough, the Quran (31;6) doesn’t necessarily say music, I feel as if it’s saying that indirectly. But then, today, while reading the Quran with commentary of Abdullah Yusuf Ali, I came across an ayah where it says how Believers shall have anything their hearts may yearn for in the heavens, and in the commentary, Yusuf Ali uses examples something on the lines of….” In the Gardens, Believers can have anything they may wish for. Example, a musician’s heaven will be filled with music, a mathematicaians heaven will be filled with math, and the artist’s heaven would be filled with fine arts and beauty.” Why does he mention the musician part?<br />
And many of other translators don’t neceserrily define “Idle Talks” in Quran (31;6) as musin in it’s entirety, including Yusuf Ali.<br />
So…….I guess Im just in severe need of help…..I am sorry if I disturbed you or anything like that….I know that you wonderful aunties have something really inspirational for me and something that would really help me. I didn't mean to make it too long but since I did…..ShorryFrowning face…..<br />
May Allah reward you with many many many many many rewards and join us all in Jannah ( also b/c I really wanna meet you all in real life, or I should say in the next life) Ameen.<br />
Thank you, Love,<br />
BismaGrowing heart</blockquote>
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Wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu Bisma! :)<br />
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First of all, let me apologize for the extreme delay in reply, but unfortunately we Aunties sometimes get busy with the day to day overload too ;) However, that is no excuse and I am really really sorry!<br />
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Secondly, let me tell you how very proud I am of you-15 and doing so much for the sake of Allah (swt)! May He reward you immensely and keep increasing you in goodness. Ameen. We need more 15 year old Muslimahs like you in the world today :)<br />
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Music unfortunately, is a very controversial and much talked about topic in the Muslim world today. Being who I am, even if there <i>wasn't</i> so much controversy about it, I'd still be a bit creeped out by it considering how much it's being propagated-being subtly seeped into the subconscious mind of every living person, no matter whether they want to or not. It's on TV, in restaurants, at the malls, petrol stations, the phones. Basically, it's difficult to stay away from it, even if you try really hard! Which, if one thinks about it, is very very-there is no other word for it-creepy! It's due to this far reaching presence that it has become so talked about, because by the consensus of the earlier scholars, it was haraam, and that was it. No question!<br />
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Considering that you've researched so much on it, I won't delve into the allowance of music in Islam too much. However, for the readers who either haven't come across it, or haven't looked into it, let me just quote a few ahadith:<br />
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The Prophet sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said:<br />
“There will come a people from my Ummah who will seek to make lawful zina (fornication and adultery), the wearing of silk (for men), the drinking of win and the use of musical instruments. Some people will stay at the side of the mountain and when their shepherd comes in the evening to ask them for his needs, they will say : ‘Come back to us tomorrow’. Then Allah will destroy them during the night by causing the mountain to fall upon them while He changes others into apes and swine. They will remain in this state until the Day of Resurrection.”<br />
[Bukhari]</blockquote>
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“Music grows hypocrisy in the heart just as water causes the crops to grow.” [Bayhaqi]</blockquote>
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Also, here is a complete answer about Music, dealing with the doubtful matters too, for those who are interested:<br />
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<a href="http://islamqa.info/en/5000" target="_blank">http://islamqa.info/en/5000</a><br />
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Now even if, thanks to the multiple arguments floating around in the world about it (they really made my head go round when I first started looking up the issue!), you <u>still</u> feel some doubt about whether music is allowed or not, you should use this hadith as a <span style="color: #f1c232;">golden rule</span>:<br />
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An-Nu'man ibn Bashir said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, 'The halal is clear and the haram is clear. But between the two there are doubtful things about which most people have no knowledge. Whoever exercises caution with regard to what is doubtful, shows prudence in respect of his deen and his honour. Whoever gets involved in the doubtful things is like a herdsman who grazes his animals near a private preserve (hima). He is bound to enter it. Every king has a private preserve and the private preserve of Allah on His earth are the things that He has made forbidden. There is lump of flesh in the body, the nature of which is that when it is sound, the entire body is sound, and when it is corrupt, the entire body is corrupt - it is the heart.'"<br />
[Agreed upon]</blockquote>
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Having done with that, there is something important you should know. Wanting to listen to music does <span style="color: red;"><b>NOT</b></span> make you a bad muslim. It only makes you<span style="color: #073763;"> human</span>. Yep, you read that right. Wanting to do haraam things doesn't make us munafiq or kaafir or even a bad muslim. First of all, we <b><u>all</u> </b>(you, me, our parents, even the scholars!) have something called a <span style="color: orange;">nafs</span>, and its duty is to make us want to do haraam stuff. And then there is our lifelong enemy, <span style="color: red;">Mr. Shaytan</span> who just loves conspiring with dear ol' <span style="color: orange;">nafs</span> to make us sin, so that we help him achieve his target--> of misleading Allah's beloved creation, the humankind. <br />
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The only task you have is to try your level best to not give in to your <span style="color: orange;">nafs </span>or <span style="color: red;">shaytan</span>, and keep striving against them. This is known as <span style="color: yellow;">Sabr</span>. There are three levels of sabr:<br />
1) Patience in times of difficulty.<br />
2) Patience in staying away from sins.<br />
3) Patience in obeying Allah (swt) also known as istiqamat, that is mainting good deeds over time.<br />
<br />
Therefore, for staying away from music you're getting the reward of two kinds of sabr-staying away from sin and persevering in following the commands of Allah (swt)! And we all know that sabr is a very important component for going to jannah inshaAllah:<br />
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By time,<br />
Indeed, mankind is in loss,<br />
Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.<br />
-Surah Asr</blockquote>
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<br />
Now I know from experience just how hard it is to stay away from music. It's not easy and it takes a lot of time and patience and perseverance. There might be times when you fall, but you<i><b> must not </b></i>despair, because that is another trick of our dearest enemy, <span style="color: red;">Mr. Shaytan</span>. In fact, you must use that experience as a lesson for yourself, make istighfar, get up and try again!<br />
<br />
<br />
Music is an addiction, [as also proven by a study done at McGill University: <a href="http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/news.aspx?id=176870" target="_blank">http://news.medill.northwestern.edu/chicago/news.aspx?id=176870</a> ] and thus can be cured just like any other addiction. The first step is<span style="color: #38761d;"> <u>recognizing the problem</u></span>. The second step can be either of the two: <span style="color: #38761d;"><u>tapering</u></span> (that is slowly decreasing dosage until you reach zero) or <span style="color: #38761d;"><u>going cold turkey</u> </span>(that is quitting all at once).Being Muslim, I'd suggest the cold turkey approach because we really don't know whether we will draw our next breath or not, and thus must always be focused on the now rather than the tomorrow :) However, you must then find alternates. Listen to nasheeds without music (Zain Bhika is a good choice, so are the ealier nasheeds of Dawud Wharnsby and Yusuf Islam :) ), listen to recitations of the Quran by your favourite Qaris, listen to lectures instead of music. Save your ears for the music of Jannah :D<br />
Do not berate yourself for falling once in a while, just harden your resolve. <b><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Never give up</span></b>. And the occasional humming? That'll take some time to be replaced by nasheeds and Surahs instead ;)<br />
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Keep striving and growing in your nearness to Allah (swt)! May we all meet in Jannah inshaAllah (and maybe this life too, who knows? :D )<br />
Keep us in your duas, we need them.<br />
<br />
Wassalam,<br />
<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-25996486508689064012014-04-05T04:38:00.001-07:002014-04-05T04:38:22.741-07:00I Failed a Course...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Salam,<br />I want to thank you for the great job you are doing. I love your blog and I love your attitudes. I’ll appreciate if you can guide me regarding this feeling I have. I failed one of my subjects in college and had to give it again. Now I’m waiting for the result and when other people tell me they’ve passed, I feel a twinge…I just feel bad. I don’t want to feel this way. It’s bad to have even a small bit of bad feeling in our hearts, right? I want to get rid of it but I don’t know how except for making dua about it.<br />Love you gals.<br />XYZ</blockquote>
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<b><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: large;">Asalamu aliakaum, XYZ!</span></b></div>
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awww, sis, I can imagine how difficult it must be.</div>
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It's like inside you know that you should be satisfied with Allah's decree...but there's this tiny feeling of either disappointment, bitterness or this tiny twinge of jealousy inside...</div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;"><b>Alhamdillah that you do not like this twinge and alhamdillah that you are trying your very best to get rid of it.</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">To be fully honest with you, I had never actually heard any ruling about experiencing just a twinge, so I tried looking it up for you and this is what I found: </span></span></div>
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Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: <strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">“Nobody is free from hasad (jealousy), but the noble person hides it whilst the base person shows it.”</em></strong> (Amraad al-Quloob). A person will not be brought to account for whatever crosses his mind, but he will be brought to account for what he says and does. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah will forgive my ummah for their mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2033).<br />Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah also said in his book Amraad al-Quloob (diseases of the heart): <strong style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><em style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">“Whoever finds in himself any hasad towards another has to try to neutralize it by means of taqwa (piety, consciousness of Allah) and sabr (patience). So he should hate that (the feeling of hasad) in himself… But the one who does wrong to his brother by word or deed will be punished for that. The one who fears Allah and is patient, however, is not included among the wrongdoers, and Allaah will benefit him by his taqwa.”</em></strong></blockquote>
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It seems to be that<span style="color: #6aa84f;"> if the twinge is just a fleeting thought<b>,</b></span><b style="color: #222222;"> </b><span style="color: #222222;"><i>you're not really accountable for it.</i></span><b style="color: #222222;"> </b>But, on the other hand<span style="color: red;">, if you actually nourish that thought, let it fester and grow</span><b style="color: #222222;">, </b><i>then you have a problem</i><span style="color: red;"><i>. </i><b> </b></span><br /><span style="color: #111111;">Alhamdillah that you are making dua that Allah helps you overcome it.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">Another 'dua' that you can do is, at the moment you hear that someone has passed, say something like "<span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Droid Sans', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;">Barakallahu Alaihi (May Allah bless it for him)", and then, ask </span> Allah to grant you the same. Basically, turn the situation into an opportunity to ask Allah for what it is that you want, rather than to be upset with Allah for what you have been given. </span><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;">Remember that the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam said:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">“Indeed, Allah is Shy and Beneficent. His is Shy when His servant raises his hands to Him (in a du’a) to return them empty, disappointed” [Ahmad]</span></blockquote>
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<b>What else can you do?</b></div>
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<span style="color: #111111;">*</span><span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Remind yourself of Allah's Attribute "Al Hakim":</b></span><span style="color: #111111;"> The Most Wise. What do we mean by the Most Wise? </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">We mean that Allah</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"> does the proper thing in the proper way in the proper place and the proper time (onislam.net). All that He ordains for you, He does so out of infinite wisdom and it is linked to your absolute good. I know that right now, you may be thinking "It's just so hard to see the good in having to repeat a subject", but did you ever consider: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: black;">-</span><span style="color: #3d85c6;"><i><b> that by repeating the subject, you got to meet other people? </b></i></span><span style="color: black;">Maybe you were meant to meet these other students? Maybe, they were meant to meet YOU. Maybe, there is one student in that class, who doesn't talk that much, but who observes your manners and behavior and is inspired to be a better Muslim because of you. Or maybe, this delay will allow you to cross paths with someone else, later on, that you wouldn't have been able to meet, if you had finished earlier.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">In fact, I actually know TWO PEOPLE who ended up meeting their spouses because they failed a course or were delayed in school. One of the persons literally told me, "If I had not failed the 2nd year of of university, I would never have been in any of the same classes as the person..." And the other one had been engaged to someone but because they got held back a year, the engagement ended up being broken, and subhanAllah, later on, the person met someone else and married someone else. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;"><span style="color: black;">I'm not saying though that you will meet your spouse. Just making sure none of the readers understand that and suddenly start failing their classes or something. Nu-uh! Not what I mean. What I am saying though is that the qadr of Allah always works out for your own good, and sometimes, </span><span style="color: #9900ff;"><b>what seems like a delay is actually another plan starting/ in motion/working out for you.</b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">Let me give you another point to consider. Let's pretend that this 'course' was not an academic course but a driving test. And you failed it. Wouldn't you think that perhaps you might have gotten in some kind of accident, if you hadn't failed it? That Allah was trying to protect you from something? </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">It could be the very same thing in this case, too. Maybe if you had passed right away, you would have grown arrogant or gotten distracted from Allah. Maybe this was meant to bring you closer to Allah, as you learned the important lesson of depending on Him, asking of Him.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 20px;">Another thing you can remind yourself if you ever feel a little jealous of a friend or bitter is that perhaps there is something that you have that she doesn't. Yes, maybe your friend passed the course right away while you struggled and struggled...but did you ever consider that perhaps she has some other problem to deal with? Maybe she goes home and cries about her weight or looks or even has family problems? It is so easy for us to think that the people around us who have what we want have 'got it so easy', but the reality is that everyone is being tested in this world...and you never know how many tears she cries at night. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica; line-height: 16px; text-align: justify;">And finally, try following this advice. the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica; line-height: 16px; text-align: justify;">"Do not look to those above you. Look to those below you, as it will more likely remind you of Allah's favors bestowed on you." Think about the people who can't afford an education, can't go to college, don't have the ability to repeat a course, etc. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, Helvetica; line-height: 16px; text-align: justify;">I hope this helps you a bit, sis :)<br /></span></span></div>
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Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-23588349696424697602014-03-22T03:55:00.001-07:002014-04-03T03:18:55.264-07:00Why Am I Not Tested Enough?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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This is going to sound a little strange, but I feel that my life is not tested enough. I have heard over and over again that Allah loves those whom He tests. What if you feel like you don't have any test. Does this mean that Allah doesn't love me?<br />
Worried,</blockquote>
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It doesn’t feel strange at all. :) Thanks for the great question.<br />
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So you ask if you’re being tested enough. Well, sister, it really depends on what your definition of “tests” are. Generally whenever we think of tests, we may think of calamities, suffering, natural disasters, etc. Agreeably, these are examples of tests.<br />
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“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.)” Surah Al-Baqarah 2:155]</blockquote>
<br />
So being patient in these types of tests is best for us. However, <b>tests aren’t limited to only this type.</b> Likewise, <span style="color: blue;"><b>patience is not limited to only in times like these.</b></span><br />
<br />
As Muslims we know that this whole life is a test for us. So every <b><span style="font-size: large;">momen</span></b><span style="font-size: large;"><b>t</b></span> we are being tested, even in times of ease. Yes, even things we may consider blessings like family, children, wealth may at the same time constitute as tests for us in one way or another and require our patience. <br />
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<br />
Allah Subhanoo Wa' tala says: <br />
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O you who have believed, let not your wealth and your children divert you from remembrance of Allah . And whoever does that - then those are the losers. (Surah Al-Munafiqun 63:9)</blockquote>
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Similarly:</div>
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O you who have believed, indeed, among your wives and your children are enemies to you, so beware of them. But if you pardon and overlook and forgive - then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. (Surah Al-Taghabun 64:14)</blockquote>
He also says:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="aya hover" id="t-89-15" style="line-height: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="aya-wrapper" style="margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="ayaText" style="margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;">And as for man, when his Lord <b><span style="color: red;">tries him</span></b> and [thus] <span style="color: red;"><b>is generous to him and favors him</b></span>, he says, "My Lord has honored me." </span><span class="ayaNumber" style="color: #005500; cursor: pointer; font-weight: bold; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: nowrap;">(Al Fajr, 89: <a href="http://tanzil.net/#trans/en.sahih/89:15" style="color: #005500; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">15</a>)</span></span></span><span style="line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;"> </span></span></span></blockquote>
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As you can see from these verses, Allah's favors are also a test for us: you are being tested how you will respond with these favors, how you will use them for Allah's sake.... Will you let them draw you closer to Allah or distract you away from Allah ?<br />
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In fact, we are told of a very important story in the Qur'an. The story of Qarun who Allah tested by giving an abundance of wealth.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; text-indent: 36.53333282470703px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And We gave him (Qarun) of the treasures, that of which the keys would have been a burden to a body of strong men. Remember when his people said to him: "Do not exult (with riches, being ungrateful to Allah). Verily Allah likes not those who exult (with riches, being ungrateful to Allah). "But seek with that (wealth) which Allah has bestowed on you, the home of the Hereafter, and forget not your portion of lawful enjoyment in this world,' and do good as Allah has been good to you, and seek not mischief in the land. Verily, Allah likes not the Mufsidun (those who commit great crimes and sins, oppressors, tyrants, mischief-makers, corrupters)." He said: "This has been given to me only because of the knowledge I possess." Did he not know that Allah had destroyed before him generations, men who were stronger than him in might and greater in the amount (of riches) they had collected? [Al Qassas 76-]</span></span></blockquote>
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<br />
Besides the fact that times of ease are also times of tests, there is also much more to patience than times of difficulties. Yes, moments of calamity call for our patience, BUT there is more to this, and we need to practice patience in other ways.<br />
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Imam Ibn Al-Qayyim said, “There are three types of patience: Firstly, practicing patience to fulfill the obligations and to do righteous. Secondly, abstaining from evil and prohibited acts. And thirdly, practicing patience during times of hardship without complaints.”</div>
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From this we gather that patience is of three types:</div>
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<b>1) Patience in fulfilling obligations and continuing to do good deeds. <br />2) Patience in staying away from wrong.<br />3) Patience during hardships and calamities</b><br />
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I think, what you were talking about was the last type: patience in times of distress. And, so naturally you’re worried that since you feel like you haven't really had to endure this type of patience, that you are not being tested enough. It is true that AllahSWT tests those whom he loves. However, it doesn't mean that AllahSWT doesn't love you because as you just read, there are other types of tests/patience.</div>
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<br />
Let’s go over the different types of patience in more detail<br />
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<b>1) Patience in fulfilling obligations and continuing to do good deeds. </b><br />
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"So hasten towards all that is good". (2:148)</blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><br /></b></span>Examples of this type of patience include: praying salah, paying zakat, fulfilling rights of family, etc. These are all part of our obligations.<br />
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Allah says: “And seek help in patience and As-Salah and truly it is extremely heavy and hard except for humbly submissive [to Allah ]” [Surah Al-Baqarah 2:45].</blockquote>
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Additionally, continuing to do good deeds falls under this type of patience. As we know, keeping up a good deed means <span style="color: #38761d;">we have to persevere and strive to do it</span>. Whether it be reading Qu'ran, waking up for Tahajjud, giving Sadaqah, any of these extra deeds requires our patience. The best part is, it doesn't matter how small they may be, as long as we try to be consistent. </div>
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Rasulullah saw said: "The deeds most loved by Allah (are those) done regularly, even if they are small." (Bukhari, Muslim)</blockquote>
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So sister, here are some examples of extra good deeds. Start a small deed and try to be regular in doing it. Then slowly you can add on to it. In times of ease, we have extra time to do more good deeds. </div>
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<div>
Remember this Hadith:</div>
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“Take benefit of five before five: Your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before you are preoccupied, and your life before your death”<br />
(Narrated by Ibn Abbas and reported by Al Hakim)</blockquote>
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<div>
Yes, sometimes we may have calamities to turn us back to Allah, but also in times of ease, we can display patience by being grateful. In our youth, we are also usually at the peak of our health, we have more time and, less responsibilities. On top of that, if we're living in a safe place where we don't have to worry about poverty and hunger, then we are even more blessed. Can you imagine how we have more opportunities for doing good in this state than if we were lacking these? That's why, it's important that we take advantage of this time. </div>
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AllahSWT says:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
By time, Indeed, mankind is in loss, Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience. (Surah Asr).</blockquote>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>2) Patience in staying away from wrong.</b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
We are all aware how staying away from wrong deeply requires our patience. We are struggling against our nafs. </div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Say, "My Lord has only forbidden immoralities - what is apparent of them and what is concealed - and sin, and oppression without right, and that you associate with Allah that for which He has not sent down authority, and that you say about Allah that which you do not know." (Surah A'raaf 7:33).</blockquote>
And so, for staying away from evil things and going against our desires, we can get rewarded inshaallah.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>3) Patience during hardships and calamities</b><br />
<br />
Finally, this is the last type of patience, the one we are most familiar with. </div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient,Who, when disaster strikes them, say, "Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return."Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided. (2:155-157).</blockquote>
<div>
As Muslims, we may be tested with hardships and calamities. Even if someone isn't going through a calamity now, they may later on. In this situation, we are called upon to be patient by not complaining. It is also important to remember this about calamities:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“No calamity occurs, but by the permission of Allah, and whosover believes in Allah, He guides his heart. And Allah is the All-Knower of everything” [Surat at-Taghabun 64:11]</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Ibn Kathir said about this Verse: Whoever suffered an affliction and he knew that it occurred by Allah’s Judgement and Decree, and he patiently abides, awaiting Allah’s reward, then Allah guides his heart, and will compensate him for his loss in this life by granting guidance to his heart and certainty in faith. Allah will replace whatever he lost for Him with the same or what is better. Ali ibn Abi Talhah reported from Ibn Abbas: ‘… and whosever believes in Allah, He guides his heart.’ Allah will guide his heart to certainty. Therefore, he will know that what reached him would not have missed him and what missed him would not have reached him” [Al Mubarakpuri, Sheikh Saifur-Rahman, tafsir ibn Kathir (Abridges) vol 10 (Riyadh, Darussalam, 2000), pp 24-25]</blockquote>
<br />
Also this is another great reminder for us to become hopeful even when going through calamities.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.” [Surah ash-Sharh 94: 5-6]</blockquote>
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**********************************</div>
<br />
<div>
As you can see from all these examples, as Muslims, we are being tested in every moment of our lives. You can display patience not just during calamities but also day-to-day, regularly. Every time you stay away from something prohibited, every time you sacrifice your time to do something extra good, you are displaying patience.<br />
<br />
Ok, sister, I hope this helped. May we love AllahSWT and be loved by Allah, inshallah.<br />
<br />
<3.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJesgX7KUesr5vmf3NLrFwvVVldGOsZVGEuPJjP2tYrYRSSmiw4StOp7KlFZZYfAwSSZadr7PrI7p-L2c0suyS1INoi9-OgKc_qy_0HXvP7uifMSwhV0R1RXARRI5-7G8Ese6VoxIe7l8/s1600/Seeking+patience.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: white; color: #1eb6de; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 17.90625px; margin: 0px 1em; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="77" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJesgX7KUesr5vmf3NLrFwvVVldGOsZVGEuPJjP2tYrYRSSmiw4StOp7KlFZZYfAwSSZadr7PrI7p-L2c0suyS1INoi9-OgKc_qy_0HXvP7uifMSwhV0R1RXARRI5-7G8Ese6VoxIe7l8/s320/Seeking+patience.png" style="border: 1px solid rgb(255, 255, 255); margin: 0px; padding: 5px;" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px !important;" /></a><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Is it a bad thing that a lot of my friends do not know that I am
Muslim. I never really mention it.</span></b></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Assalam-o-alaykum wa rahmatullah hee wa barakatahu
sister! :) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Your question, unfortunately, is a reflection of many a
youth's dilemma today-that of an identity crisis. We've all at some stage gone
through it, in one form or another. Sadly, the Muslim youth today is being
targeted at so many levels through the media, social networks and many other
things that is not balanced by a thorough knowledge of Islam.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Before I answer your question specifically, let me just
quote a very well-known hadith:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">It is narrated on the authority of Amirul Mu'minin, Abu Hafs
'Umar bin al-Khattab, radiyallahu 'anhu, who said: I heard the Messenger of
Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, say:</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>"Actions are (judged) by motives (niyyah), so each man
will have what he intended. Thus, he whose migration (hijrah) was to Allah and
His Messenger, his migration is to Allah and His Messenger; but he whose
migration was for some worldly thing he might gain, or for a wife he might
marry, his migration is to that for which he migrated."</b><b>[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]</b><br /><b>[5:3]</b><br /><b>[33:59]</b></span></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Keeping this in mind, let's tackle<span style="color: red;"> issue number 1</span>-not
mentioning that you're Muslim and if that's a bad thing, or not. Let me first ask you,
is there a <u><span style="color: #134f5c;">specific reason</span></u> for you to not mention to your friends that you're
Muslim? Are you ashamed of being a Muslim in light of all the anti-Muslim media
coverage? Are you unsure of whether it's a good thing to be Muslim? Are you
afraid of how your friends might react to the news? Are you afraid of being
shunned by everyone or even bullied?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You see the answer to
your question lies in the hadith. If you refrain from mentioning it because you
live in a place with high anti-Muslim sentiments (more than normal) and might
be target of not only mental but physical bullying then in my humble opinion,
it’s okay, and the answer for you finishes here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>However</i>, if nothing like that is going to happen, and you're
just afraid of getting 'weird looks' or being 'looked down upon for being
backward' then I am afraid you need to read on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #134f5c;">*puts on serious people glasses*</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">(^Sorry for that, but being 'in the mode' helps me answer
better :D )<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am just going to say one thing, straight and simple (and
really, there is no other way to say this)-be <b><span style="color: orange;">proud</span></b> of who you are and be<span style="color: orange;"> thankful</span> and <span style="color: orange;">grateful</span> for it. You
could've been born a non-Muslim and then where would you be? By not being proud
of Islam, you're being ungrateful instead of thankful for the HUGE favour
conferred upon you by Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Allah(subhanahu wa ta'ala) mentions in Surah Maidah:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">This day I have perfected for you your religion and
completed My favor upon you and have approved for you Islam as religion.</span></b></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQIxLSGJfba8jH29Nyi3uR6U6sghPMWf54smIDljUwEU68ujwQhTsa2e4dc32gimnlRyO8v3neAc0Kgm6o99oA3J3rl-90euORzCbqH1yx0Uli7ydM8aCR1cvnTwOOyilrabXZZJmpg-lU/s1600/proud_to_be_a_muslim_by_starmat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQIxLSGJfba8jH29Nyi3uR6U6sghPMWf54smIDljUwEU68ujwQhTsa2e4dc32gimnlRyO8v3neAc0Kgm6o99oA3J3rl-90euORzCbqH1yx0Uli7ydM8aCR1cvnTwOOyilrabXZZJmpg-lU/s1600/proud_to_be_a_muslim_by_starmat.jpg" height="265" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) tells us in the Quran that not
only is Islam<span style="color: #134f5c;"> perfect</span>, but it is His<span style="color: orange;"> favour</span> upon us and He <i>Himself</i> approved (or chosen according to some translations) Islam
for us. Should we not be prouder than proud of something given to us by Allah
(subhanahu wa ta'ala) when we are so proud of worldly achievements? He gave us
a way of life, all gift wrapped in shiny wrapping paper, we didn't even have to wander blindly for ages or to
search for it and then spent time learning it, unlike people who
revert so we should be <i>even more</i>
grateful!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now you might ask, how exactly is one proud of Islam? One
might feel proud about something in their heart. After all, it’s what's in the
heart that counts, right? Welll...yes. And no. (Oops, veering off of topic
here-more about this later in a more relevant post). For now, suffice it to say
that when something is inside you, is present within every beat of your heart,
is a strong strong emotion, it generally shows itself in some way or another.
Hands up all people who've been embarrassed (a tiny bit, during teenage) by
their parents who were 'bursting due to pride' when you aced a test, or won a
race, or came first in class-small achievements but very big for the parents. *raises hand* They go around telling people about it. They walk around with a proud smile.
They thump your back a dozen times a day. Trust me, it shows. Thus if we are
proud of Islam, it shows in our every action. It shows in our following of
Sunnah of the Prophet (salallahu alayhee wasallam). It shows in our character,
when we refrain from things like lying and backbiting because Allah (subhanahu
wa ta'ala) has forbidden them for us. It shows when we stay away from
activities which might be the norm, just because it's not the way of the Salaf.
It shows when we leave whatever we're doing, and rush towards salah when the
Muezzin makes adhaan. It shows when we tell our friends that we're Muslims, and
tell them about this special religion. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not only this, but Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) has also
mandated certain guidelines in dress for women, just so they could be
recognized as Muslim women:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women
of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments.
That is more suitable that they will be known and not be abused. And ever is
Allah Forgiving and Merciful.</span></b></blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Therefore, Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) wants us to be
recognized as Muslim women (and men). And if Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) wants
that for us, then it must be a good thing and we should want it for ourselves
too!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Before I finish, let me highlight some benefits of telling
your friends you're Muslim:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1) <b>Peace of mind</b>-
you're obviously disturbed/uneasy about the fact that most of your friends don't
know that you're Muslim. Well, once you tell them, that unease shall be gone
forever! <span style="color: orange;">*poof*</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">2) <b>You'll find out
who your true friends are</b>. If this hesitation stems from the fact that you
feel that these people won't be your friends anymore or distance themselves
once they know you're Muslim, then so be it! The ones that stick by will be the
ones who are your real friends. Really, your friends can't be real friends
until they know your basic structure and for a Muslim, Islam IS the basic
structure. It's our identity. It defines our choices in life. It is our
Deen-our way of life. So if someone isn't comfortable with your way of
life-would you really want to be friends with them? I know I can only be good
friends with people I'm entirely comfortable and at ease with, people around
whom I can be myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">3)<b> It's an opportunity for dawah! </b>Might be that some of the
people in your friends circle are looking to </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">know more about Islam but want to
turn towards a Muslim rather than the media, which many people are now
realizing can be misleading. Or can be that someone's curiosity gets sparked
and they get interested in Islam once they find out you're Muslim. Or could be
that someone is depressed or sad-as research tells us most people are unless
they have a purpose in life (and what greater purpose than the purpose we were
made for?!)-and they hear you tell something about Islam and they come towards
it and finally find peace! The opportunities are endless! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So here's what I need you to do. Think hard about why you don't
mention it (be truthful!), once you've realized the root cause, work towards
eradicating it. Listen to lectures where speakers talk about the beauty of
Islam, about Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala), about the Prophet (sallalahu alayhee
wasallam) and how he (sallalahu alayhee wasallam) used to cry and make dua for
his Ummah (yes that's you and me!), about the Sahaba and the Muslims of the
past who went through trials for Islam (we consider people who accepted the
faith of the past Prophet's (alayhee salaam) as Muslims too!), who walked proud
on earth as Muslims, even when they were humiliated and tortured. Listen to
conversion stories, a lot of reverts speak about how they used to know some
Muslims and they never told them about the beauty of Islam and they went
through a lot of struggle to eventually discover it. Let it all sink in. Take a
deep breath. Smile. And let the change begin! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I make dua that Allah (subhanahu wa ta'ala) makes it easy
for you and others in a similar situation, and that others benefit from you and
us. Ameen! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Love and hugs,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjolWGhLjCRzpbuFRQLsm0D9RLazVMocLGYOi_JPDaAtVfhGRlHrWwP294verCEhfsLK6mzbF11lkUyldGQhxsiCCMgIo4vDtGeLNRn46gnqRmsue2WtAZbIbOxakmwfow-1G_gL5iSG4tb/s1600/signature.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjolWGhLjCRzpbuFRQLsm0D9RLazVMocLGYOi_JPDaAtVfhGRlHrWwP294verCEhfsLK6mzbF11lkUyldGQhxsiCCMgIo4vDtGeLNRn46gnqRmsue2WtAZbIbOxakmwfow-1G_gL5iSG4tb/s1600/signature.png" /></a></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-75730031688716454572014-02-19T07:43:00.001-08:002014-02-26T02:56:08.486-08:00Tired of Being the Odd One Out<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
<br />
<span id="docs-internal-guid-57e8711a-42ed-d018-9ef7-8aa4c38cc7de"></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"I live in area we live in-there's basically no other muslims around. I'm the only Muslimah in my grade of around five hundred kids, and one out of five in the entire school. I don't want to judge, but the other ones don't really seen to be practicing. I have a good amount of friends, but that was only through several years of forcing myself to talk, because I used to be really shy. Anyways, whenever I'm with them, I just end up feeling horrible afterwards. I hate their constant swearing and super vulgar language, topped with the fact that they are boy crazy and find it odd that I'm not. I really fed up with it, because it's preventing me from becoming a better Muslimah- if anything it's slowing chipping away at my faith. On top of all this, I have gym class starting next week, which means thigh exposing shorts and super short, v-necked tshirts. I really, really don't want to be the odd one out anymore, wearing baggy pants and a long sleeved shirt in ninety degree weather, having to deal with comments like "oh aren't you hot in that?" Or "is your religion the one which forces women to cover up like that?" I get that one a lot, about a variety of things. It's tiring being the odd one out. I just want some help..."</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
Sister, I hope you are in the best of health and Eman.:)<br />
<br />
This is a great question you have brought up. As humans, we are social beings. It’s healthy to want to have friends. <br />
<br />
<b>HAVING said that</b>, it can be challenging to go to a school where you’re one of the few Muslims. I had a similar situation growing up where my sister and I were the only Muslim/Hijabis in elementary and among very few Muslim/Hijabis in junior high and high school. I was shy in school, too. I remember at times feeling awkward and out-of-place. Feeling like there was something wrong with me. WHy couldn’t I relate to others? I thought it was because I was shy and I thought I was the only one... Now, however, I realize that my older sister went through similar things. And it definitely helped a lot to talk to her and feel like I was o.k. :) So it definitely helps to talk to someone else going through similar things. Maybe you might find there’s another sister who also feels uncomfortable just like you in the group. Often times, we become so focused on how we feel that we assume it’s unique to us. However, we may not realize that there are other people going through similar feelings and experiences.<br />
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Let me tell some of the other things that helped me through school.<br />
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<b>REMINDING yourself that (High) School is temporary.</b> High school is only four years. And if that still doesn't make you feel better, how about reminding yourself that high school <b>is not your whole day!</b> It helps to put it into perspective. Don't let Shaitan make you feel like high school is forever. It is definitely NOT a permanent or absolute situation. Which brings me to another important tip.<br />
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<b>SEEKING other environments</b> where you would find better friends, i.e. masjid, religious gatherings, volunteering, etc. Try to find different avenues to make better friends. Yes, school may be for 6-7 hours 5 days a week, but you still have the rest of the day. It made a huge difference for me going to weekend islamic school. I got a chance to hang out with other Muslim girls and it was fun. Whereas in High school I would feel weird at times, on Sundays I felt more comfortable with myself, and I realized that I could still be social and feel right. So even if you’re unable to find good friends at school, it really helps to seek other avenues. You don’t have to limit yourself to your school only. <br />
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<b>MAKING yourself busy at school</b> with extracurricular activities. I don’t know about you but I enjoyed taking challenging classes in High school like AP courses. It just made high school more interesting, alhamdulilah. This worked for me but you could find other ways to busy yourself, maybe joining a club at school. These would still give you that social aspect and a better environment. ?You would be talking about meaningful things and ideas (hopefully). You would also get to meet other girls with similar values. They don’t have to be Muslim. Yes, they don't have to be your close friends with whom you spend all your time with, but finding girls who also don’t like swearing, vulgar language, and aren’t constantly talking about boys would still benefit you. Plus you could still discuss religion with them. That way, you would be doing dawah as well. <br />
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Ok, so you brought up how you feel horrible and don’t feel right hanging out with your current friends. It’s a blessing that you feel this discomfort and realize they may not be right for you. It’s a blessing from AllahSWT. I can see you already realize that they are affecting your deen negatively. I’m glad that you feel that way and aren’t instead justifying hanging out with them by making excuses like they won’t change you or you don’t have a choice, etc, mashaallah. Because the reality is, who we hang out with really does affect us, whether we choose to be aware or not. <br />
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the Prophet ﷺ said: “A person is on the religion of his companions. Therefore let every one of you carefully consider the company he keeps.” [Tirmidhi]</blockquote>
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Also in this hadith:<br />
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The Prophet ﷺ reminds us of the importance of good company in this hadith (record of the Prophet ﷺ): “A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might singe your clothes, and at the very least you will breathe in the fumes of the furnace.” [Bukhari, Muslim]</blockquote>
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So both of these are reminders of how important making good friends is. <br />
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So then, what should we be look for in a true friend?<br />
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The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was reportedly asked: “Which of our companions are best?” He replied: “One whose appearance reminds you of God, and whose speech increases you in knowledge, and whose actions remind you of the hereafter.</blockquote>
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If we find someone with these three qualities, then we are truly blessed. So look for these three qualities in a friend. Again, it's ok if you can't find that kind of person in school. There are other places...<br />
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OK, so now let’s tackle your worry about gym class. Sister, let me ask you a question? Would you feel comfortable wearing thigh exposing shorts and super short, v-necked tshirts? Or would you feel horrible afterwards? I know it can seem like it would be easier to just wear that so you’re not the odd one out anymore. But would that really solve your problem? Is it really as simple as looking the same on the outside? I mean, aren’t there other things that differentiate you from others, as well?<br />
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AND is it such a bad thing to be different?<br />
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I mean, if you get to be who you want to be, isn't that better? I know it's easier said than done, but truly we are happier that way. Plus, it's IMPOSSIBLE to please everybody. You'll just compromise your beliefs and values and still you will have people not accept you. Imagine how horrible that would feel. In contrast, if you are yourself, then yes you will have people who might not like you for choosing to think differently, act differently, and be different. BUT you will also be surrounded by people who actually like you for who you are. And confidence goes a long way. Trust me, everybody has that pressure of conforming to what's considered "normal". But, the right people will respect you for sticking to your own ideals .<br />
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<b>A secret about wearing clothes</b>, as I said confidence goes a long way. Have you ever noticed someone who was wearing something way outrageous but they looked comfortable in it? How about someone who was wearing something that may look "normal" but they didn’t look comfortable in it. Who do you notice more? My answer would be the latter one. Yeah, maybe the outrageous outfit would catch my eye first. But after a while I wouldn’t be so shocked anymore. I would associate their outfit with who they are. It wouldn’t mean I would be agreeing with their outfit choice, just accepting that that’s part of them. On the other hand, we can often sense someone who's not uncomfortable in what they are wearing. And despite how mainstream their attire is, it wouldn’t really help their case because they would still look “odd in it.”.<br />
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Also, you are more than what you wear. So just by wearing what everyone else is wearing is not really going to be enough to feel like a part of the group or to be “accepted by them”.<br />
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Ok, so I know you’ll still get comments like “Aren’t you oppressed for covering up” etc. So how to combat those comments that make you feel odd or annoyed?</div>
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WELL sister, you could use them as dawah opportunities. Meaning explaining to them why we really wear it. That it’s important to you and just because it may be a struggle doesn’t mean you’ll forsake it. Try to explain it to them with an analogy that they may understand. For example, someone who's vegan doesn't stop being vegan just because it's difficult at times to find good vegan-friendly food. They're vegan not because it's easy but because they have bigger reasons for their choice (e.g. animal cruelty). Btw, I hope you don't think I'm trying to convince you to become vegan. :) Alhamdulilah we can have halaal meat.</div>
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OK, so how about the "Aren't you hot in that?" comments, you ask? Yes, those can become tiring after a while. It may help to have a short response ready for those comments beforehand. Or you could go the humor route... </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtYyZ0rqIC3kqdkAArfWXSL3KC0wiu0NFhRjNw567oUsjTBzJJE4x5rSGa1fiz21Wi7Tpv_ampZQBeHY0_gGiGenhB4PX9I7k4Bz8m6-ZMm6varSg7BuC_PRadtV7rW5XSZKqDsZBWFQTF/s1600/drop+dead.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtYyZ0rqIC3kqdkAArfWXSL3KC0wiu0NFhRjNw567oUsjTBzJJE4x5rSGa1fiz21Wi7Tpv_ampZQBeHY0_gGiGenhB4PX9I7k4Bz8m6-ZMm6varSg7BuC_PRadtV7rW5XSZKqDsZBWFQTF/s1600/drop+dead.PNG" height="220" width="400" /></a></div>
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Hehe. :) Just something to make you smile. I saw this a while back and it made me laugh.<br />
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Lastly, make DUA to Allah Subhanaho wa ta’aala. Even though AllahSWT knows how you feel, share with him your fears and your struggles in school. Inshallah this can be an oopportunity for good deeds and personal growth. :)<br />
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Ok, that’s all of my advice. Here's also a previous <a href="http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2010/08/dear-little-aunties-friends-i-have.html?showComment=1391805961863#c210883138356750322" target="_blank">response</a> for more advice on the matter with friends. And this is a bit of advice on being '<a href="http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-want-to-be-special-i-want-to-belong.html">different'</a>, too:<br />
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P.S. Sister, I have to thank you for sending this question in. I feel it came at a right time for me. As I was trying to frame my answer, I had a chance to reflect on friendship and Islam. Finding good company has also been a struggle for me as well as many other sisters. So you're not alone.<br />
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Take care!</div>
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
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Last Ramadan, one of the times where my faith was at a high point, I saw a dream in which and father were carrying a huge red and white rock which they finished cleaning and polishing. They said ,"do you want to see the face of prophet Muhammad in this?" And of course I said yes, and when I looked into it I saw a man with little to no hair and extremely bright blue eyes. He also smiled back really kindly at me. He didn't match the description of the prophet at all, but something about him really stuck with me since. About two weeks later I saw another dream, where I was allowed to go past the golden gates of the prophet's grave with ease ( they just lifted up) and find his tomb, which was covered in all kinds of incredible, dazzaling jewels. I put my face on it and started to weep, but I remember it felt really nice- it was one of the nicest feelings I've ever experienced. I haven't seen a dream like that since, no matter how much I ask Allah for it, and I really, really want to. I even try crying in my fuss to get it to happen. I'm scared I'm starting to lose my faith in Allah because of everything that's been happening to me so quickly. Is there anything I can do to see the prophet peace be upon him again in my dreams? I feel like if I did it would give me the strength and the hope to keep moving forward. Can doing istighara make this happen?</blockquote>
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Dearest Sister,<br />
I'm so sorry that right now you are really down and your faith is down. I understand that last year, you had two dreams that really helped you and strengthened your faith. And you're hoping for another dream. You just want to restore your faith.
I understand. You're trying soooo hard to get that dream again- to have that feeling of peace in your heart- you've said you've even tried to cry on purpose.
And now you're wondering if istikharah will let it happen.<br />
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I wish I could tell you: Yeah! That will do it.
But unfortunately, istikharah is about asking Allah to decide for you between two choices. While many people associate it with having a special dream afterwards, that's actually not necessary.<br />
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As the scholars have said:
It is not necessary in the case of istikhaarah to feel something specific afterwards. Rather if you consult people and think deeply about the matter, and it becomes clear to you that this matter will be beneficial both in religious and worldly terms, then you should pray istikhaarah and go ahead, and not wait for a sign or a dream or a feeling. You should rather put your trust in Allaah and go ahead after praying istikhaarah.
The correct view is that when Allaah makes something easy for you – after having decreed it and accepted your du’aa’ – this is a sign that it is good to go ahead and do it.</blockquote>
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Again, it's about asking for Allah's help in some matter that you're not sure of (even if it's something tiny).
I've prayed istikhara numerous times and I've never seen the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam in any of those times.</blockquote>
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I know that was probably disappointing to read.<br />
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But the truth is that...well, there isn't really a shortcut to seeing the prophet in your dreams OR to restoring your faith.
Both of these require action, dedication, conscious effort, and work.<br />
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I mean, let's look at your own question. You mentioned that when your faith was HIGH, you had those dreams. You can perhaps think of them as a reward from Allah for all that you had been doing.<br />
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I once heard an interesting story where a young man asked his scholar how he could see the prophet in his dreams. The scholar told him to spend the entire day eating salt and to not drink any water. Although the young man didn't really understand the advice, he followed it. The next day, he went to the scholar, really angry. He said, "Imam, all I dreamt of last night was water. I kept seeing oceans and oceans of water." The scholar told him "You see, your dreams are a reflection of what you're doing and thinking about all day. If you want to see the prophet, live through his example through out the day! Pray the sunnah prayers. Eat like the prophet. Remember his manners with his family. Remember how he treated others. Imitate him. Read about him. Learn his hadiths. Say the adhkhaar. Live your day by his example and then hope to see him at night."<br />
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But wait...don't close the browser yet. I have good news for you.<br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><b> If seeing the prophet in your dreams would inspire you to be a better person, what about knowing that the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam prayed for you? That he made dua for YOU? </b></span><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/mFTZeh6nRh4" width="480"></iframe><br />
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What about the fact that he thought of you as his own sister?<br />
<span style="color: #351c75;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75;"> As is narrated by Abu Hurayra, One day Prophet Muhammad (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) came to the graveyard and said:
O dwellers of the land of believers! Peace be upon you. With God willing, we will also join you. Then he sighed with longing and added, How I miss to see my brothers! The companions beside him said, O Messenger of God, are we not you brothers? The Prophet replied, You are my companions; my brothers have yet to come
The companions asked him: O Messenger! How will you recognize these people from your community who have yet to come?
Whereupon, the Prophet asked: If someone has a horse with white signs on the forehead and the feet, can he recognize it among black and gray horses?
The companions replied:Yes. He said, “They (my brothers) will come with white streaks from their ablutions, and I will receive them at my cistern. </span><br />
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If seeing the prophet would inspire you, <b>what about seeing Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala?</b> I'm not saying that we will see Allah in our dreams...but the reward of the believers is to see Allah in the afterlife.<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;">The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “When the inhabitants of Paradise enter Paradise, Allah will say to them, ‘Do you want Me to give you anything more?’ They will reply, ‘Have You not made our faces bright? Have You not brought us into Paradise and moved us from Hell?’ Allah will then remove the Veil and they will feel that they have not been awarded anything dearer to them than looking at their Lord.”</span></blockquote>
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Remember, hunny, you can't see Him, but He sees you! And He's watching you right now. He's All Loving, All Merciful, All Compassionate, Ever Grateful.
He's prepared jannatul firdaous for you!
"<br />
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(It will be said to the believers of Islamic Monotheism): 'My slaves! No fear shall be on you this Day, nor shall you grieve. (You) who believed in Our ayat (proofs, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) and were Muslims (i.e., who submit totally to Allah's Will, and believe in the Oneness of Allah). Enter Jannah, you and your wives, in happiness.' Trays of gold and cups will be passed round them; (there will be) therein all that inner-selves could desire, and all that eyes could delight in and you will abide therein forever. This is the Jannah which you have been made to inherit because of your deeds which you used to do (in the life of the world). Therein for you will be fruits in plenty, of which you will eat (as you desire)." [Al-Qur'an 43:68-73]<br />
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So now....how can you restore your faith?
We've had a couple of posts on imaan. Please do read them here:<br /><br /><a href="http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2010/12/fed-up-of-roller-coaster-ride.html">Fed Up of the Roller Coaster Ride</a><br /><br /><a href="http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2013/02/normal-0-false-false-false-en-ca-x-none.html">Boost that Iman!</a><br />
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With love,<br />
Little Auntie</div>
Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-30109953121428325042014-01-20T04:48:00.002-08:002014-01-20T04:48:40.831-08:00So that I don't do Zina, I'm now ....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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This question is so embarrassing but I don't know who else to ask. There is this guy that I have really gotten attached to. At first, we were just friends, but as the time has progressed, we've kind of gotten into really intimate conversations. I mean really intimate. I find myself dreaming about being in his arms and taking it up physically. Kissing him and this kind of thing. It is getting harder and harder when we are around each other not to act on these feelings. I've tried to keep myself from falling into that by actually releasing myself through watching romantic videos, reading some romances (and to be honest, I do read the erotic parts), and this kind of thing. A part of me feels like watching and reading these things is wrong, but the other part is thinking that this is the only way I can stop myself from actually doing the deed.<br />Help, please.</blockquote>
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<b><span style="color: purple;">Asalamu aliaakum wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo,</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">First of all, I'm honored that you thought to ask us your question. I know it must have taken a lot for you to write it and send it in, but you know, we're not here to judge you. </span><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">We're just here to help you.</span></b></div>
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Now, I cannot tell you a fiqh ruling exactly on your question, but I do want to give you some basic advice...</div>
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We don't stop sins by sins. </div>
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Usually, a sin is not going to lead you to goodness. It isn't a shield or armor that protects a person. It's going to lead to more sins. What protects a person is taqwa of Allah, obedience of Allah, good deeds, etc. </div>
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Allah says:</div>
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<b style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="font-style: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">"And whoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (of every difficulty). "</i></b><span style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal;"> </span><b style="font-style: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">(Quran, At-Talaq: 2).</i></b></i></b> </blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><b><i><span class="" style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma, Arial; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;">Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows that which you do. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma, Arial; line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;"></span><span class="" style="color: #005500; font-family: Tahoma, Arial; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; white-space: nowrap;">(ِAl Ankabut: <a href="http://tanzil.net/#trans/en.sahih/29:45" style="color: #005500; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">45</a>)</span></i></b></span></blockquote>
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Right now, you're really attracted to this guy. You're worried about falling into...'zina', which is a huge sin. </div>
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Let's imagine that 'zina' is a huge fire...and your'e standing next to it, worried you're going to fall.</div>
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Would you, at this moment, decide to put some oil on yourself to protect you?</div>
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Keep in mind that oil is highly highly flammable. </div>
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Do you really think that would be the best plan to come up with?</div>
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(read: OUCH! Ouch! Ouch!)</div>
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<br /></div>
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Or would you </div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">a) </span><span style="color: red;"><b>run away from that fire</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">b) </span><span style="color: blue;">get some water =)</span></div>
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You see, sister, the thing that you reallly need to be avoiding right now is the source of temptation for you: this guy. You admit that you've reached the point where you want to be with him...That means, it's really gone way past 'professional', sis.</div>
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You know what this actually reminds me of? Our prophet Yusuf alyhee as salam. We all know the story. The woman, whom he had grown up in her house, wanted to seduce him. She was rich, powerful, the wife of the Azeez of Egypt (leader), and most likely beautiful (as we all know that a King could have any woman he wanted). And she made it absolutely clear that she wanted him. </div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px;"> <b>And indeed she did desire him, and he would have inclined to her desire, had he not seen the evidence of his Lord.....(Surat Yusuf: 24)</b></span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px;">What did Yusuf do? He prayed...</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px;"> <b>He said: "O my Lord! Prison is dearer to me than that to which they invite me. Unless You turn away their plot from me, I will feel inclined towards them and be one of the ignorant.''</b> (Surat Yusuf: 33)</span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px;">He prayed to get away from her company...away from the source of temptation. See, how he chose prison over falling into a sin?</span></div>
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I know that you think that by reading these books and watching these movies, you're not going to go and commit the deed, but the reality is that you are actually giving yourself more reason to think about the deed and you're fueling yourself more. These things are like the "oil" we mentioned earlier. You're just making yourself think about it more and more...</div>
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And these books and movies definitely glamorize it and build up your expectations about it. </div>
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It's like the next time you're watching some romantic movie, how much you wanna bet you're going to wish you and that guy could be doing those things? Or the next time you are with the guy, how much you want to bet you're going to remember that scene/description of a kiss/whatever...?</div>
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And the thing you have to realize is that they put those parts knowing very well what stimulates and arouses women/men. They study these things, you know. (At least porn directors. I read an article about it before, but I can't find it now.) So you are reading something or watching something which is MEANT to kindle those feelings/ sexually arouse you...</div>
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How is that really going to help you stop from falling into zina?</div>
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<b style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Shaitain is trying to convince you that you've found the ultimate way to guard yourself from sinning more. But in reality, he's just leading you down a very very dangerous path. </i></b></div>
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Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala says:</div>
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<b style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">". . . and follow not the footsteps of ‘Shaitan’ (Satan). Surely he is to you an open enemy"</i></b><span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;"> </span><b style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">(Quran, Al-Anaam: 142).</i></b></div>
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<b style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">These things are part of the footsteps, hun. </i></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;"><span style="color: red;"><b>If you really sincerely want to stay away from the sin,</b></span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">- seek protection from Allah:</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">- do dhikr</span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">- watch Islamic lectures</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">- read Islamic books</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">- go to Islamic halaqahs, sister meet ups</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">-fast</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;"><b>Busy yourself! It doesn't have to be all Islamic activities. You could take up a hobby such as</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">- sewing/crocheting</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">-making crafts</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">- working out in an all girl's gym</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">-whatever you want :) baking/ graphic designing/ whatever</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;">And of course, it goes with out saying that you have to end the relationship with the guy. </span></span></div>
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<b style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /></i></b></div>
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<span style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;"><b><i>I know it seems hard...and maybe these things don't sound as fun or appealing as watching a romantic movie /reading an erotic book. At first, you might kinda feel like you are in a prison, but slowly, you're going to set yourself free. Slowly, you'll find yourself drawing closer to Allah ...and when that happens...</i></b></span></span></div>
<b style="color: #111111; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.993999481201172px;"><i>Well, prepare yourself a sweetness you never imagined,</i></b><br />
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Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-49144003514878777112014-01-17T04:10:00.001-08:002014-01-17T21:51:46.200-08:00Health Problems, Work, and Trust in God?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
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I have health problems which recur from time to time, like 85% of the time I'm healthy and fine MASHALLAH, but 15% of the time, I get really really sick. My second job understands because I do call of when I'm sick and they're understanding about the situation. My primary job however, the managers are very rude. The few times I did call of due to being sick and because our city was flooded so I couldn't get to work, they hinted at firing me. So, whenever I call of work due to not feeling well, I feel this guilt of not living up to my manager's expectations and not being a good employee. Yesterday I listened to a talk by Yusha Evans on the symptoms of weak iman, and he said that we must have absolute tawakkul in ALLAH s.w.t and understand that rizq is from him.<br />
But I don't understand how to reconcile my tawakkul and this fear of calling off. My question is should I not care about what my managers think and how do I let tawakkul over-ride my fear of not living up to expectations and not being fired. My employers already are discreetly racist and don't like me because Im Pakistani and a hijaabi and theyre all white, I can tell because of how they interact with me and with others, I don't want the label of bad employee to be attached to me. Because what if another hijaabi applies and they discriminate against her because of me.<br />
I know I sound a bit looney and my thoughts are jumbled up, but I would appreciate your take on this.<br />
JAZAKKALAH KHAIR x a million =)</blockquote>
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Dear Sister,<br />
Wa iyyaki x a million <b>n one :D</b><br />
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MayAallah subhanoo Wa' Tala give you the best of health and IMAAN. Ya Rubb. :) <br />
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Thanks so much for sending in your question. I will tell you my take on this. :)<br />
<br />
Ok, so I’m sensing that you’re not comfortable at your (primary) job. If that's the case, don't ignore your gut feeling. If something doesn't feel right at your job, try to find out why you feel that way. The environment plays a huge part in how we feel in a given situation. You already mentioned how your employers don’t treat you and others in the best manner. Maybe that could be a contributing factor. Also, let me just say, I can totally relate! <br />
<br />
It can be challenging to work in an environment where you don’t feel welcome. So you grow anxious that you have to be ‘perfect’ and feel you can’t make any mistakes whatsoever. Because any mistake you make might cause you to have a ‘bad label’ or be fired. And that includes things out of your control e.g. missing days because of your health.<span style="color: #e06666;"><b> But, sister, that’s putting undue stress on yourself. </b></span>We are human, and making mistakes doesn't necessarily translate to you being a “bad employee” especially things out of your control like missing work because of health reasons. Having said that, I know how hard it can be in situations like this where we feel any mistake we make will be a sign that we are inadequate. <b>However, if your employers choose to fire you because of health reasons, know that it’s not because of something wrong you did, but an error on their part. I know that you might think that it would be the end of the world if that were to happen, but in reality, it could be another door opening for you. </b>We'll talk about that, in a moment.<br />
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I’m glad you mentioned how in your other job you felt different there. Isn't it interesting to note that in that job, you feel more at ease. It’s good to compare the two jobs and see how you feel at both places. Do you notice how you are the same person, but whereas in your second job, you feel at ease, in your primary job, you are anxious and feel incompetent. But you’re the same person! <br />
<br />
Just like how we feel the most comfortable and our best self around some people e.g. our best friends, and we may feel totally awkward and out of place in a different crowd, it’s the same thing at your work environment. It’s <b>not</b> that suddenly you have changed, <span style="color: #38761d;">that you are no longer skilled at one job</span>, but it only shows how the environment plays a huge part in how we feel. <br />
<br />
I love how you brought up how we should have tawakkul in Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala. It is important. Having tawakkul in Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala is something that we, as Muslims, should strive for. Allah Subhanoo Wa' tala says multiple times in the Quran:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: PDMS_IslamicFont, _PDMS_IslamicFont, Tahoma, Arial; font-size: large; line-height: 48px; text-align: -webkit-right;">وَعَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَلۡيَتَوَكَّلِ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ</span> </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia; font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;">...And upon Allah let the believers rely. 3:160</span></blockquote>
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Having tawakkul in Allah subhanoo Wa Ta'la's<span style="color: red;"><b> will is realizing that everything is in Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala's powe</b></span>r, and <b>anything that happens to us is ultimately good for us</b>. It's understanding that sometimes things come and things go, but there is always benefit to the believer in that. Therefore, we try to be thankful in hard times as well as times of ease.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Surely We will test you with a bit of fear and hunger, and loss in wealth and lives and fruits, and give good tidings to the patient (2.155) Who, when a suffering visits them, say: “We certainly belong to Allah, and to Him we are bound to return.”(2.156) Those are the ones upon whom there are blessings from their Lord, and mercy as well; and those are the ones who are on the right path. (2.157)</blockquote>
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I'm sure you've also heard of this well-known hadith:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua'; font-size: xx-small; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">On the authority of Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan (May Allah be pleased with him) it is related that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said,</span></span><span style="color: #333399; font-family: 'Book Antiqua'; font-size: x-small; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">“How amazing is the affair of the believer. There is good for him in everything and that is for no one but the believer. If good times come his way, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him, and if hardship comes his way, he endures it patiently and that is better for him." </span></span><strong style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21.59375px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: x-small; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">[Muslim]</span></span></strong></blockquote>
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On the other hand, Shaitan tries to put fear in our hearts about poverty:<b style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></b><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Satan frightens you with poverty, and bids you to commit indecency, and Allah promises you forgiveness from Him, and grace as well. And Allah is All-Embracing, All-Knowing. (2. 268)</span> </blockquote>
So what does this all mean? It means sister, as long as you are doing your best, and you are putting your trust in Allah, everything is going to end up okay, and you don't need to worry about your manager's opinion of you. Even if the worst case scenario happens and that place fires you....you know what? Allah is the one who got you that job, in the first place. I really want you to think about that. From what you have written, they are not the kind of employers who are searching for a Muslim girl like you...and yet, they accepted you. This was part of Allah's plan. He is the One who provides! And if they fire you, perhaps it is because Allah has a wayyyyy better job for you....There could be something else totally in store for you.<br />
<br />
I want you to think for a moment about how much Allah provides. Allah takes care of the birds who leave in the morning empty and come back home full. Allah takes care every single living creature in this vast universe- the grass that needs water, the ants that need crumbs, the bees that need honey, the baby in his mother's womb, everything. <br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><strong style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;">“And so many a moving (living) creature carries not its own provision! Allah provides for it and for you. And He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.” </strong><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;">(Al-Ankabut 29; 60</span><br />
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Whenever you start to feel like your tawakul is 'diminishing', ask yourself this: Do you possibly think that Allah would forget a servant of His? Someone who bows down to Him, every day and praises Him?<br />
<br />
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Remember that Allah actually calls Himself in the Qura'n "Al Wakeel"- the Guardian/Trustee:<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #444444; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Al-Wakeel is
the only One who takes charge of the affairs of those under His care, managing
all matters as He pleases. </span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #444444; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Also, begin
your mornings with this daily supplication:</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<em id="yui_3_13_0_1_1383459141784_13529" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased !important; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Allah is sufficient for me.
There is no God but He. I have placed my trust in Him, He is Lord of the
Majestic Throne. Whoever says this seven times in the morning after fajr, and
seven times after Asr, Allah will take care of whatever worries him of the matter
of this world and the hereafter.</span></em><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;"> [Abu Dawood, Muslim]</span></blockquote>
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<span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased !important; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">And
when you leave your house, say:<br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;"></span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased !important; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;">The
Prophet said: <i style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased !important; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;">Whoever
says(when he leaves his house) – Bismillaah, tawakkaltu ‘alaa Allaah, wa laa
hawla wa laa quwwata illaa billaah – In the name of Allah, I put my trust in
Allah and there is no power and no strength except with Allah- , it will be
said to him: You are taken care of and you are protected and guided, and the
devils will move away from him, and one devil says: What can you do with a man
who has been guided, taken care of and protected?</i> [Abu Dawood,
At-Tirmidhi]</span></blockquote>
<o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #444444; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">and it doesn't
hurt to say the dua of Prophet Moosa:</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<strong style="outline: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 1pt none windowtext; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; padding: 0in;">“My Lord! I am in need of whatever good that You bestow on
me.”</span></strong><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> (Al-Qasas 28; 24)</span></blockquote>
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All of these will inshaAllah help you with your tawakul in general. But if you still feel uncomfortable at your job, maybe you could look for a different job that won't cause you this much stress. Otherwise, try your best to be professional with them, pray to Allah subhanoo Wa' tala for calmness of your heart. Realize that you're trying your best on your part and the way they treat you says a lot about them, not you.<br />
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Another thing you can do is prepare for it. In your mind, or writing down, ponder this: "What if..they fire me?" Write down how you would feel and why. Would it really be that bad? If so, why? Could you see how it could be a good thing? Think of some possible decisions you would make if that happened.<br />
<br />
I have read in a recent book that the meaning we attach to a given situation really determines how well we're able to cope with that situation, not the situation itself. That's why two people may react quite differently to the same situation.<br />
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For example: one person upon losing their job may become anxious because of the meaning they would attach to it: "It's because I wasn't good enough for the job" then they may worry, "What if I don't find another job?" and then: "How will I live financially?"<br />
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Another person upon losing their job may become angry because they would attach the meaning: "My boss is unfair and unreasonable," and "I can't believe they would fire me after I did so much for them." In that way, they would focus on that alone and not be willing to accept the fact of losing their job.<br />
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Yet, another person upon losing their job may become disappointed but relieved because they would think to themselves, ":You know, I didn't like the way my employers treated me, anyways." and "I was feeling like finding a better job anyway so this might be a great opportunity." and then they could come to the solution, that "Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala must have better plans for me."<br />
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So it all depends on how you would feel at losing your job.</div>
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Finally, it’s sweet that you care that another hijaabi isn't mistreated because of you. But that isn’t really your responsibility how your employers choose to treat someone else. It’s true that as Muslims, we must set a great example. We should also try to speak up against unjust actions we witness as well as help those who are mistreated.<br />
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B<b>ut at the same time, </b>we are not responsible for how someone else chooses to treat another. We are only held accountable for our own deeds:<br />
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“O you who have believed, fear Allah. And let every soul look to what it has put forth for tomorrow (of deeds)—and fear Allah. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what you do.” (Quran, 59:18)</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"That was a nation which has passed on. It will have [the consequence of] what it earned, and you will have what you have earned. And you will not be asked about what they used to do." ( 2:134)</blockquote>
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Ok, sister, hope this helped. :)<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-61409713858812139332014-01-16T03:01:00.003-08:002014-01-19T03:07:59.707-08:00I don't deserve such an amazing guy, do I?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px !important;" /></span></a><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I need help. For a little background information, just a year ago, I was someone completely lost. My life was all sins and my only thought was enjoying myself/getting what and who I wanted. Audoobillah. I'm so ashamed of all that I did. Wallahi, I cry myself to sleep sometimes, just worrying what Allah will do to me and whether I can ever be forgiven. I was sooo bad, sister.The thing is, though, this year, I have really started practicing Islam and becoming a much better person. And as the year has progressed, I have come to find myself really attracted to this brother in the MSA who is one of the best persons I have ever met. And here we come to the problem.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Recently I was in a discussion where somebody mentioned this verse " <span style="line-height: 22px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Impure women are for impure men, and impure men for impure women. Good women are for good men, and good men are for good women;..." and it has just left me with the sensation that I would never ever deserve someone like him. He is pure, practicing, has memorized the Quran, always praying his prayers....me...I'm trying so hard now, but I did so many sins. Does this verse mean that I am doomed to marry someone with a terrible past like me ....Can I or do I even deserve to think about marrying someone pure?</span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; text-align: -webkit-center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Not so pure :(</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; text-align: -webkit-center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; text-align: -webkit-center;"><span style="color: orange; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Dearest TRYING to be Pure,</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 22px; text-align: -webkit-center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">First of all, ma'shaAllah at you for coming back to Islam and trying your best to practice it now.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Before we look at your question, I understand that you led a not so pure life before and that you worry now about whether you will be forgiven or not. Let me completely reassure you on that part: </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Allah is the Most Forgiving. He says in the Quran: </span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: blue;"><b><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”</span></i><i style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 25px; text-align: justify;">[al-Zumar 39:53]</i><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 25px; text-align: justify;">. </span></b></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: normal; text-align: start;">and Allah NEVER EVER goes back on His word. And He has promised that sincere repentance wipes out the deed. And that He is the Most Forgiving. The Most Merciful. The One who can even change our bad deeds to good deeds.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal;">Sister, every single day you get is a new chance for you to draw closer to Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala. Each new day is a chance for a complete fresh start. One TEAR DROP of regret from you could weigh more in Allah's scale than years of salah done casually (or without the person's heart really involved).</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-weight: normal;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">Abu Umama Sudayy ibn 'Ajlan al-Bahili reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said to me, said, "There is nothing which Allah Almighty loves more than two drops and two steps: <b><u>a drop of tears shed out of fear of Allah</u></b> and a drop of blood shed in the way of Allah. And the two steps are a step in the way of Allah Almighty and a<b> step towards one of the obligations of Allah Almighty.</b>" [at-Tirmidhi]</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal;"><br />^Just keep taking steps closer to Allah!</span><br />
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<i><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;">And do not...do not belittle Allah's Mercy and Forgiveness. Has He not covered you when you sinned? Did He not conceal your faults? Then, why do you think He would "leave you" when you have come back to Him? </span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: inherit;"><b>Now, as for the issue of whether or not you are doomed to marry someone impure because you led an impure life...</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;">- First of all, as we said, already, you repented. Sincere repentance erases the sin. So there's no reason to keep thinking of yourself as 'impure'.<br />- Second, the verse you mentioned actually has many different tafsirs. Although I am not a scholar, I want to point out one thing that many people who do not speak Arabic do not realize concerning this verse:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 30px; text-align: -webkit-left;">The word 'women' and 'men' is not actually stated in the Arabic verse of the Quran. Instead, what we see is the suffix used to indicate the masculine and feminine. This is important to keep in mind because words in Arabic, whether they have a biological gender or not, are considered 'masculine' or 'feminine'. For example, the word 'table' ends with the feminine suffix. In this case, what is "implied" could be understood to refer to men and women, but not necessarily. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: inherit;"> Now, let's look at another translation of the verse and some information from a sheikh about it:</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 30px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women)”</span></span></i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="line-height: 30px;">[al-Noor 24:26]</span></i><span style="line-height: 30px;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 30px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">l<b> Some of them said that it refers to bad and good words</b>, so the meaning of the verse is: Evil words are for evil men, and evil people are for evil words, and good words are for good people, and good people are for good words. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 30px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Others said that it refers to evil and good actions</b>. So the meaning of the verse is: Evil actions are for evil men, and evil people are for evil actions, and good actions are for good people, and good people are for good actions. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 30px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>The third opinion concerning this verse is that evil and good refer to people with regard to marriage.</b> So the meaning of the verse is: evil women are for evil men, and evil men are for evil women, and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 30px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There is no reason why the verse cannot be understood in all these senses, although the most obvious meaning is the first one mentioned, and this is the opinion of the majority of mufassireen.</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 30px;">From: </span><a href="http://islamqa.info/en/103845" style="line-height: normal;" target="_blank">http://islamqa.info/en/<wbr></wbr>103845</a></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Another site says:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">1. With regard to the previous verses that were about chaste women and the affair of 'Ifk and </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 24px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; text-indent: 30px;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">with regard to the sentence: "... such are innocent of that which they say...", </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 24px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; text-indent: 30px;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">the verse means that the evil words such as calumny and slander are</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 24px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; text-indent: 30px;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> appropriate for malicious people, and pure and nice words are suitable for pure persons.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><img src="http://www.coiradio.com/library/library/quran/light/light_11/images/line_l.gif" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8458157138768641619" name="1439aaf16a5471f3_p294" style="font-weight: bold;"> </a>294 <img src="http://www.coiradio.com/library/library/quran/light/light_11/images/line_r.gif" /></span></center>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">2. It is possible that the purpose of the verse is intellectual, doctrinal,</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 24px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; text-indent: 30px;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> ethical conformity, so as to say that man and wife must be matching and</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 24px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; text-indent: 30px;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> soft-hued with each other. It means that every person naturally seeks an </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 24px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; text-indent: 30px;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">individual of the same wavelength. In other words, vile persons are</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> after evil ones and on the contrary good persons are after good ones. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">3. It is possible that the purpose of the verse is stating a religious ordinance, </span></div>
<div style="line-height: 24px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; text-indent: 30px;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">meaning that marriage of good persons with malicious ones is unlawful. It is</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 24px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; text-indent: 30px;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> like the third verse of this Sura, which says: "The fornicator shall not marry save a</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 24px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 5px; text-indent: 30px;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> fornicatress or an idolatress ...". Imam Baqir (a.s.) in a tradition confirms this meaning, too.[1]</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.coiradio.com/library/library/quran/light/light_11/024/26.htm" style="font-weight: normal;" target="_blank">http://www.coiradio.com/<wbr></wbr>library/library/quran/light/<wbr></wbr>light_11/024/26.htm</a><br /><span style="line-height: 30px;"><br /><span style="color: red;"><b>You see how this verse might not even be discussing marriage? </b></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 30px;"><span style="font-size: large;">But what if it is...?</span><br />Well, it doesn't doom you to marrying someone 'impure'. You have changed. That's what counts. Since you have repented, there is no reason for you to continue to count yourself as someone 'impure or bad'. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 30px;">I know you have your heart set on marrying this man and you're wondering if you deserve him. Well, sister, Allah promises in the Quran something really important:</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;">Whoever does good whether male or female and he is a believer, We will most certainly make him live a happy life, and We will most certainly give them their reward for the best of what they did. </span><span style="line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;"></span><span style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; white-space: nowrap;">(16: <a href="http://tanzil.net/#trans/en.shakir/16:97" style="margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">97</a>)</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="line-height: 30px;"> By coming back to Islam, you fall under this promise, inshaAllah. You deserve happiness. But it doesn't necessarily have to be by marrying this man that you will lead a happy life. I don't want you to be build your life on this man. W</span></span><span style="line-height: 17.015625px;">hat you need to be doing is building your dreams and trust in ALLAH: having faith that Allah will choose a good spouse for you. Allah knows who best will help you on His path,whether that person be that MSA leader or someone else who maybe also had a past. Allah knows who will be the companion that will bring the most joy and who will understand you best. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.015625px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Remember, marriage is not about marrying the perfect person.The reality is that no one IS PEREFCT. It is about marrying the perfect person for YOU. Someone who will be your shelter, your protector, someone who will smile at your jokes and understand where you come from and who you are....</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.015625px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Well, sister, I hope this helps you a bit. May Allah keep you steadfast on His deen,</span></span></div>
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Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-44579977852137655412014-01-15T04:19:00.001-08:002014-01-15T04:24:38.447-08:00Wearing Hijab in front of my Cousin<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dear Little Auntys,</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I started wearing hijab a few weeks ago and alhamdullilah it has been great! I've been feeling like my imaan has really lifted and very proud of myself for finally taking this step. There were a few comments I got from some people that were not that best kind, but in general, most people have been supportive and I'm really happy with myself. The only problem though is that I still can't get myself to wear it in front of my cousin. He's almost the same age as me, but about a year older, but we grew up together. All our lives we've been so close. I don't have any real brothers but I consider him to be my brother. I feel like wearing it would make things very awkward between us and am not sure what his reaction will be or my aunt's and uncles.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><span style="color: purple;">Dear New Hijabji!</span></b></span><br style="color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">First of all, let me say, Ma'shaallaaaaaaaaaaaaaah for putting on the hijab and taking up this step. That's fantastic. I'm happy to hear that your imaan is also soaring...do continue to water it, though, because sometimes you have "an imaan high" when you start doing a new ibadah and then suddenly find it plummeting. It's really natural, but I don't want you to go through all that.</span><br style="color: #222222;" /><br style="color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Anyyyyyways, let's take a look at your question.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You have a nice cousin who you obviously 'love as a brother' ...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">Well, sister, unfortunately, the way you feel doesn't make him your brother. </span><b><u><span style="color: red;">He is still your cousin</span></u></b><span style="color: #222222;">. And Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala told us who we didn't have to wear hijab in front of, and the ayah does not mean people who we feel are like brothers....Let's take a look:</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span class="" style="line-height: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;">And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed. </span><span style="line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;"></span><span class="" style="font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify; white-space: nowrap;">(<a href="http://tanzil.net/#trans/en.sahih/24:31" style="margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">31</a>) (Surah 24, 31)</span></span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><span style="color: #222222;">The thing is, there is a reason why Allah does not mention cousins in that verse. Despite the fact that in the West there is a sort of rule about not marrying your cousin, the reality is that we can feel attracted to our cousins. In fact, just recently, I read an article that listed a bunch of tweets where people confessed that they found their cousins attractive/ hot/ wanted to be friends/ were surprised at their feelings but were definitely into their cousins.</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/26/twitter-cousins-hot_n_4504103.html" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/<wbr></wbr>2013/12/26/twitter-cousins-<wbr></wbr>hot_n_4504103.html</a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There was even a famous actress who ended up marrying her cousin. </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Greta Scacchi. Interestingly enough she says, </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She says: ‘It happened one night when he was visiting and it came as a complete shock.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We were friends for a long time before we got together in 1997 and I had never seen him in that way before. I was definitely scandalised by it and worried about how to tell people – especially my family.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Read more: <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2012948/Greta-Scacchi-Why-I-child-cousin.html#ixzz2qT48hKb9" style="color: #003399; margin: 0px; min-height: 1px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">http://www.dailymail.co.<wbr></wbr>uk/femail/article-2012948/<wbr></wbr>Greta-Scacchi-Why-I-child-<wbr></wbr>cousin.html#ixzz2qT48hKb9</a> </span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Years ago, it was actually quite common for people, no matter what country they were from, to marry their cousins..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222;">Why am I telling you that? When we look at Greta, we realize something. She never thought she would end up falling in love with him. She was friends for a very long time before that. She didn't think anything of their relationship. But it, unexpectedly turned out to be more.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: #222222;">Sis, putting the hijab on in front of your cousin may make things awkward, but the reality is that now that you have grown up...the situation is awkward. He actually isn't your brother. As any member of the opposite gender, you have a magnetic pull towards each other.</span><span style="color: #0b5394;"><b> There is or could be "an attraction" between the two of you....</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Remember, it's not just you guys when you are together. It's you guys and Shaitan. And he wants you to fall into sin. The easiest way for him to do that is to work on our already existing attractions. Sooner or later, he's going to start whispering to you or to HIM, to smile more, flirt more, talk to each other in the middle of the night more, etc. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #38761d;"><b>The hijab will help you and him keep that 'distance that you need. </b></span><span style="color: #222222;">Once he sees you wearing it, it will help you both stick to the boundaries that need to be kept. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know that you may feel scared about losing his friendship...but you will always have the memories that you had together. You also need to consider the fact that even if you didn't think of him as anything else than as a brother, perhaps he did have to struggle sometimes with thoughts of you as something else. It wouldn't be fair to keep making him struggle or resist temptation, would it?<br /><br />If he asks you about it, make sure though that you show that it isn't any personal, but that you are trying your best to fulfill an obligation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitZnZVjXQJj169UKykqWAD6_Q9_iRpQ7u0901YM_5paFwtLyYSuLtCgXJmOdjMU7715_ZTNr6Y89QRoAm80sxIvkxlGpLXWgSdyiFBM9xhd2DA9rW17EGK4BSwnXxZUtVBflNKJJOKdjzQ/s1600/choice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitZnZVjXQJj169UKykqWAD6_Q9_iRpQ7u0901YM_5paFwtLyYSuLtCgXJmOdjMU7715_ZTNr6Y89QRoAm80sxIvkxlGpLXWgSdyiFBM9xhd2DA9rW17EGK4BSwnXxZUtVBflNKJJOKdjzQ/s1600/choice.jpg" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><br />As for your aunt and uncle, give them a little warning. Call up your aunt and tell her! Share the good news :) Or have your mom tell her. And also, that's not a bad idea to warn your cousin, as well.<br /><br />May Allah make things easier for you and accept your worship, sis!<br /><br />Sisters..if any of you were in this situation, please share some advice :)<br />With love,</span></div>
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Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-2862402889576235032013-12-29T04:36:00.002-08:002014-01-19T03:07:30.103-08:00A God that Gives People Cancer?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px !important;" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="border-collapse: collapse;">I have a really great friend from another religion whose mother was was diagnosed with cancer and passed away a few years ago. She told me the other day that although she's supposed to be a Christian, she now has a hard time believing that there is a God .She said how could there be a god if there is cancer. Why did he take my mother away and let her leave 3 children and a husband? I want to help her but don't know what to tell her. </span><span style="border-collapse: collapse;">Concerned Friend,</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Dear Concerned Friend,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's great that you care sooo much about your friend and want to help her :)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Honestly, I can’t imagine how your friend is feeling like right now. Death is very hard to bear. For her to have seen her mother in so much pain must have been such an emotional roller coaster.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I know, though, that she isn’t alone. This is something that is reiterated in different ways a lot: I prayed and prayed but God still let my aunt/ mother/son/ etc die. I don’t think God is truly there anymore….</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Here's what I have to say: …</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">God does exist. I know this with my heart because the universe is so perfectly balanced it could not have come out of nowhere. (Refer to my article <a href="http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2011/03/how-do-we-know-gods-really-there.html" target="_blank">http://<wbr></wbr>dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/<wbr></wbr>2011/03/how-do-we-know-gods-<wbr></wbr>really-there.html</a> for more reasons). So, then, the question really is: Why does God let such things happen?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And the answer is ironically enough because God loves us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">See, this world is a test. That’s all it is….a test. It was never meant to be our house or where we put down our roots. Not at all….Instead, this world is simply the place where you and I have to struggle to put God above our desires. It’s a stop (just like death, too) in our road to our real home…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Jannah or paradise- where rivers crisscross beautiful, lush gardens, and everyone is happy…where everyone is just in a state of bliss….and all sorts of incredible things are waiting for us. And where we will never ever feel sorrow- not even for a single second.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And even, though, most of us claim that we know this….we lose sight of that fact, and find ourselves falling in love with the world here. We love it so much, we don't want to leave!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just like a little baby who gets too comfortable inside his mummy's tummy. He/she has no idea that outside of his/her mummy’s tummy is a whole world out there, waiting for him/her to explore. And so,this baby, a little scared, and unsure of where he/she is going, comes out crying, right. Suddenly there are lights everywhere and sounds…a place completely different from what they were used to.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The same thing happens to us! We sometimes get a little too comfortable here on this earth. We forget that there’s something better for us waiting for us. Something much bigger and much more wonderful. We forget also what is expected of us and what it is that we should be doing. We get distracted by this dunya....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">SO!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because God knows us better than we know ourselves, He keeps us focused on the goal- keeps us in constant remembrance of Him and He makes sure we’re not seduced by the temporary pleasures of this world…to make sure that we don’t forget our ultimate purpose…He tests us. For some people, it’s by taking away their money and prized possessions. For others, it’s by taking away their health.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Again, it’s not because He enjoys our suffering. God is so Merciful, so Loving…it’s because He wants us to pass this test so that we can win the real prize….eternal happiness. He doesn’t want us to trade a mirage (this world) for what is waiting for us. And so...sometimes, He uses "pain" to redirects us to our greater purpose of worshiping Him. Sometimes we need a wake up call to help us remember and re-prioritize our life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me give you another analogy…let’s say your science teacher tells your class you really need to study everyday so that you do well on the final (which will be given by the State). She notices no one is really preparing for class or studying…instead, everyone is just relying on cramming material the night before the exam. So what does she do? She makes a very difficult midterm…not because she wants everyone to fail. No, she does it so that she encourages her students to take the subject seriously and prepare properly. When the state exam comes at the end of the year- her students do really well, all because they got a real scare and some awful marks on their first test. Would you call this teacher mean or someone who really cares? </span></div>
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<span style="color: #37404e; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">"Were it not that Allah treats His slaves with the remedy of trials and calamities, they would transgress and overstep the mark. When Allah wills good for His slave, He gives him the medicine of calamities and trials according to his situation, so as to cure him from all fatal illnesses and diseases, until He purifies and cleanses him. And then (He) makes him qualified for the most honorable position in this world, which is that of being a true slave of Allah (‘uboodiyyah), and for the greatest reward in the Hereafter, which is that of seeing Him and being close to Him." -Ibn Al-Qayyim (rahimahullah)</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And that brings us to another point- what God takes away from us, never belonged to us in the first place. See, the believer knows that with all his heart. He understands that “inna lilahee wa ina ilahyee la rajoon”..yes, everything about us- our health, money, children, etc, were all gifts from God…they never belonged to us, in the first place. They were things on loan…instead of thinking: God denied me this and that….we should be thinking….”Wow, God is so Merciful. He let me enjoy this or that for X amount of time. And if I try bear the fact that He took it away from me for SOME time, He’s going to give it back to me in the HereAfter FOREVER… ” Because whatever He took away here, we’re going to find in jannah, inshaAllah- whether it’s a loved one, money, or our health. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Of course, as Muslims, we also understand that any sort of pain we feel here expiates our sins and elevates our status in heaven so long as we bear it patiently. The Prophet (sallah Allah alayee wa salaam) told us that even the prick of a needle removes sins…What about cancer?! Every single moment a believer feels pain, then, is actually an opportunity to move ahead in the race towards jannah.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And you know what’s really interesting? Even atheists should be able to see the silver lining in cancer. For one thing, when a loved one experiences any disease, it makes us more compassionate towards them and we see how much we took them for granted. Instead of worrying about silly things, families have the opportunity to get closer and to concentrate on what really matters: each other. That’s a blessing that many people miss out on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Moreover, society, at large, actually benefits. I know- it sounds horrible. But here’s the thing: the threat of cancer is one of the major reasons people keep pushing themselves to exercise, to take care of their bodies, to eat healthily, to get active, and so on… So think how many lives are actually saved because of the disease?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m not belittling cancer. But what I am trying to explain is that as believers, we know that everything God does ultimately results in good- whether that is in this life or the next.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It might take your friend some time to reconcile this with her grief…but God willing, she will turn back towards God.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Please also take a look at this very well written article: </span><a href="http://muslimmatters.org/2013/05/15/why-we-are-tested-the-psychology-of-suffering-misfortune-part-1/">http://muslimmatters.org/2013/05/15/why-we-are-tested-the-psychology-of-suffering-misfortune-part-1/</a><br />
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Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-51819777573361209152013-12-18T03:26:00.001-08:002013-12-18T03:49:55.399-08:00Can I have his hand in marriage? Asking for a proposal?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
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<b>I really need ADVICE
on some stuff and kind of think you might be the right one to give me all the
advice i need :)</b><b>There is someone I am
really interested in marrying, but I am not sure that he is interested. I want
to ask him but I'm scared he will judge me for taking the first step.</b></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Assalam-o-alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Your question made me smile as it reminded me of the dilemma
of many a girl in our times-boys can be a bit too slow, can't they? ;)</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I'll just reiterate what I've always thought about this.
Since we're Muslims, everything we look at, reflect on, judge by, we do it through glasses coloured
by the Quran and Sunnah. “Is this thing right? What do the Quran and Sunnah say
about it?” (And of course, Fiqh and all that jazz, but for now, I'll stick to the
basics). Luckily for us, we don't have to look too far for the answer. There is
a story that each Muslim kid knows since his or her childhood-that of the
marriage of Hazrat Khadija (radi Allahu anha) and Prophet Muhammad (<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 107%;">sal Allahu alyhee
wa sallam</span>) and how Hazrat Khadija (radi Allahu anha) was the one
who initiated the talk for their marriage and the Prophet (<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 107%;">sal Allahu alyhee
wa sallam</span>) accepted :) Now you could say, but that was before
Islam! Fortunately for us, we have many more examples where the Sahabiat or
their families took the initiative, rather than a Sahabi, one of them being
Hazrat Umar (radi Allahu anhu) going first to Hazrat Abu Bakr (radi Allahu
anhu) and then to Hazrat Uthman (radi Allahu anhu) for Hazrat Hafsa's (radi
Allahu anha) hand in marriage (the former didn't accept since he knew the
Prophet's (<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 107%;">sal Allahu
alyhee wa sallam</span>) intention of marrying her himself, and the
latter since he was too distraught at the loss of Hazrat Ruqayyah (radi Allahu
anha) <b>not </b>because they judged the girl’s
family for sending the proposal!). You might be wondering why I'm talking about
the validity of such an action, when your question was not strictly that. The
thing is, I was just trying to highlight the fact, that according to our
Shariah, it's completely okay for a marriage proposal to originate from the
woman's side. Unfortunately, it's most cultures and societies which look down
upon this, not our religion. Therefore, firstly we must change our mindsets,
and realize, <i><span style="color: #0b5394;">there is no 'judgment' for
an action that is not wrong</span></i>. YOU need to decide, do you want to be
culturally sound, or do <span style="color: #134f5c;">anything allowed within the bounds of our Shariah</span>?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Having established the rightness of the action, let me tell
you about a friend of mine. Sarah (the name has been changed to protect her
privacy) became a sincerely practicing Muslimah after she went to the States
for higher education. After getting her degree, she realized that she was no
longer the feminist she once thought herself and wanted to get married. Now
there were 2 ways for her to do it-sit back and wait for someone back home to
send her a rishta (Urdu word for proposal), <u>OR</u> actively search for someone in
the community she'd become a part of. Being a Pakistani, option number 2 was the culturally right choice, but she realized that left her a bit crippled. Not only is the men:women ratio already less, the number of properly practicing men is even lesser, especially in a non-Muslim country (in her case, but generally in Muslim countries too) therefore, being apathetic was not really a choice if she really wanted to get married to Mr. Right (btw, as an aside, it's Mr. Right, and not Mr. Perfect some girls keep waiting for ;) ) So she kept her eyes and ears open, and
finally she realized that a boy whom she frequently saw volunteering at the
masjid she went to regularly, was a good candidate. She approached the Imam,
who told her that indeed, the boy was a practicing Muslim, a Hafiz and a regular at the Masjid, and gave her other
background information. She talked to her parents and the Imam who then talked
to the boy, who decided he did indeed want to consider my friend as a possible
spouse. Unfortunately, after some QA
sessions, and family meetings, they decided to call it quits. However, the
cause of that was something entirely different and not my friend’s initiating
The Talk. And even though it didn't work
out, my friend did not have any regrets since at least she knew<b> for sure</b> that
that candidate was a No. <span style="color: red;">Had she not approached the Imam, or waited for the boy
to notice her, she would've never <i>known
for sure</i>.</span> If you need to reach a destination and know of two paths that go
there which one will you choose-one that you know without doubt, is straight,
without any turns, is smooth riding and gets you to your destination in 15
minutes; or one about which you have no idea, and you're even unsure about the
fact that it takes you to your destination. Anyone right in their mind would
obviously choose the first one. Therefore even if you ask and get judged and
the boy says no, the destination or the outcome will be the same as not asking,
but at least you will know for certain!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hopefully by now you're seeing <span style="color: #ffd966;">the light</span>-that is, are
realizing that you have <u>nothing to lose</u> by asking, and <u>more to lose</u>
by <i>not asking</i>, let’s make an action
plan (because every important thing that we undertake <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">must have a clear action plan!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">1)
<!--[endif]-->First of all, I need you to sit down, take a
pen/pencil and paper and list down all the reasons you want to marry this person.
This is a lifelong decision and should not be based on something as flimsy as
how the other person looks or talks (no seriously, I had a thing for British
accents-blame all the Mind Your Language I watched as a kid!-and my husband
most definitely does NOT have one. I wonder if it’s too late to get him
enrolled in some ‘Develop an Accent’ classes. Hmmm…But I digress). It helps,
but really, in the long run, there are many more things that are humungous-ly
more important!). Therefore what you need to do is something that most of us
find difficult to do-be scrupulously honest with yourself (trust me, even
though this is THE most important thing, most of us deceive ourselves easily on
a day-to-day basis). Make a checklist of your top priorities, make a pros and cons list, or whatever else you're comfortable
with. Once you've done this and are still convinced this is the person you want
to marry, move ahead to step 2. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">2)</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Have a chat. Not with yourself, that'd be too
easy (though you could do that too as part of the first step!) but with someone
you're close to in your family. Your father/mother/sister/brother. It could
even be a friend but make sure it is the kind of friend who wouldn't lie to you
or agree with everything you say, but in fact be honest with you and help you
sincerely. Tell this person you've chosen about your choice and decision and
seek their advice. This serves a two-fold purpose. Firstly, it gives further
clarity to your decision and secondly, believers are meant to make decisions by
asking other believers for advice. This is known as <i>istisharah.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">3)</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">If the person you chose in Step 2 was not your
father (or Wali), then either yourself or via the person in Step 2, discuss
this with him. He will then make inquiries about this person (if he does not
know him already) and talk with you and decide. If he is satisfied (and it is
your job to convince him) then he is the person who will talk to the guy or the
guy’s family. One thing I have to make clear here (if not already clear!) is
that you don't talk to the guy yourself but via your Wali.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">4)</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Before the process is set in motion, but
everyone is agreed at your side (or even before if you wish), do <i>istikhara</i> :</span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Jabir (radi Allahu anhu) stated: “As the Prophet (<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 107%;">sal Allahu alyhee wa sallam</span>)
taught us the Quran, so also he instructed us to observe Istikhara in every
matter. The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhee wa sallam) used to say, ‘When anyone
among you is perplexed over an important matter, he should perform two Rakahs
of supererogatory (nafl) prayer and then make this dua: O Allah, I ask You to
show me what is best through Your knowledge, and bring it to pass through Your
power, and I ask You of Your immense favour; for You are All-Powerful and I am
not, You know and I do not, and You are the Knower of the Unseen. O Allah, if You
know this matter to be better for me in my religion, livelihood, and final
outcome, then bring it about and facilitate it for me, and bless me with
abundance therein. And if You know this matter to be worse for me in my
religion, livelihood, and final outcome, then keep it from me, and keep me from
it, and bring about the good for me whatever it may be, and make me pleased
with it.’”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">[Sahih Bukhari]</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5)
Make dua,
and have tawakkal that whatever the outcome, it will be better for your akhira
and dunya, and that Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) knows what is best for us, not
me or you, but Him. So keep up that trust. <br /><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Anas (radi Allahu anhu) reported that a person asked Rasul Allah (sal Allahu
alayhee wa sallam), “Should I tie my camel and have Tawakkul (trust in Allah
for her protection) or should I leave her untied and have Tawakkul.” Rasul
Allah (sal Allahu alayhee wa sallam) replied, “Tie her and have Tawakkul.”
(Hasan) [Jami At-Tirmidhi]</span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You've tied the camel, now wait for the result! I pray that
whatever the outcome is, it's best for your Akhirah, Deen and Dunya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love,</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-84087938665967874322013-11-20T04:09:00.001-08:002014-01-17T06:17:57.075-08:00Muslimahs just wanna have fun!?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13px;">I want to be a better Muslim, but I have this fear that if I were to commit, I would no longer be the fun person I am. Would submiting to Allah not take away my freedom,would i stil be happy and do fun things or would I have to be all 'religious' all the time?</span></div>
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<b><i> “Allah did not send me to be harsh or cause harm, but He sent me to teach [people] and make things easy [for them].” (Saheeh Muslim: 1478)</i></b><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Assalamualaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatu!!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13px;"></span> My dearest sissy! Masha'Allah how wonderful to receive a question like yours which I could totally relate to! I actually was struggling with this EXACT same challenge not long ago, so when I saw your question, I thought I had to definitely reach out to you right away bidhniAllah!</div>
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First things first, Alhamdulillah that you have intentions to want to strive to be a better Muslimah. This is a very wonderful goal and I think we should all be striving to achieve this! We must always strive to be the best Muslimah in the sight of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala and we must always strive to follow the correct Qur'an and Sunnah as best as we can and aiming to have the mother of believers (May Allah be pleased with them all) as are role models!</div>
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Secondly, pleasing Allah, The Almighty, is something that will result in true happiness. The real bliss comes from remembering Allah and doing things that will please Him, and Him alone.<br />
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That said, I really want to let you know about my personal experience my dear sissy, and maybe you can even relate to how I once felt ! When I first converted to Islam, I was so excited and had so much zeal with learning the religion. I practically ate, breathed, sleep-ed (is that a word!) Islam ( I mean even though we should be incorporating Islam with everything because it is a lifestyle and not just a 'cultural practice" contrary to what many believe!) I was so absorbed into the religion and I rushed to study and learn as much as I could and I even set unrealistic goals for myself! <span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px;">In the end, I burnt myself out and I became even more overwhelmed and stressed. I started feeling lazy and exhausted and I neglected the most important part of being a Muslim, and that is BEING CONSISTENT AND MODERATE with every aspect of worship! </span></div>
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 22px;"><b><i>That is why he also noted, “Take upon yourself only those actions for which you have the strength to carry out consistently.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree: 1100)</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px;">I was so strict upon myself to keep seeking knowledge and I made it a top priority because I thought that Allah loves those who surround themselves in seeking knowledge only! I would leave all my hobbies and dedicate all my time to reading and learning and then I started asking myself why I was feeling so stressed and I even became depressed at one point (astughfurAllah!) but then a dear sister of mine gave me the most valuable advice I could ever receive and it has helped me soooooooo much with all of my affairs!!!! She told me that Islam is a religion of moderation and balance and that I should not overburden myself with all this learning to the point that I lose myself and forget about who I am as a person! Yes, Alhamdulillah I am a Muslimah first and foremost, but I am by no means even close to being a student of knowledge. I thought that the only way to get close to Allah was through seeking knowledge 24-7 and being so strict and "boring" ! Alhamdulillah Allah guided me to the straight path and gave me the tawfeeq to realize that Islam is a lifestyle and it is not something that should feel like a burden or change you into some strict, boring person! Islam teaches us to excel in the things that we are good at and it helps to perfect our personalities and character to that of our beloved prophet (peace be upon him).</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: 13px;">Islam doesn't dismiss desires, it just disciplines them.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13px;">So as you can see my dear sissy, you are free to pursue your hobbies and be yourself (as long as it does not mean jeopardizing your religion or doing haram things) and you are free to be the sweet sister I am sure that you are! As long as we know that we are not doing something that displeases Allah (i.e- being immodest, cursing, slandering, engaging in TOO much idle talk, listening to music, and doing the things not permissible for us) then we can even do it with the intentions of worship and be rewarded for it!!!!! For example, we can listen to the Qur'an while doing some embroidery, sewing, or any crafts you are interested in and you can use that finished product and donate it as sadaqah and at the same time memorize the Qur'an all at once! I know that for some, sitting at a desk and memorizing the Qur'an can pose as a challenging and frustrating task, even though we are doing it for the sake of Allah, we can still find ways that are better suited to our learning style! Playing the surah over and over while you are unconsciously focusing on a task such as embroidery, crocheting, or even knitting can really really help you absorb and learn the Qur'an that much easier! There are so many things that you can do that is productive and all the while counts as worship to Allah, the Almighty! The opportunities are endless but you just have to get a little "creative" and make sure you don't do anything haram or outside of Islam! Be yourself and have fun! Enjoy the life of a Muslimah ! It is so rewarding!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13px;">Islam is made to be easy and </span><span style="color: #444444; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17.77777862548828px;">“</span><span style="color: #444444; font-size: x-small; font-weight: bold; line-height: 17.77777862548828px;">Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear</span><span style="color: #444444; font-size: x-small; line-height: 17.77777862548828px;">…” (Qur'an, 2:286)</span><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px;"> Though it is important to live our lives as Muslims in this dunya, we must remember that we are ultimately striving for Jannah and all our actions and goals should be to earn the pleasure of Allah and a home in Jannah Insha'Allah!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13px;">Remember, everything in moderation! </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 13px;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;">Anas reported that some of the Companions of Allaah's Messenger (SAW) used to say: "I will not marry women"; someone else said: "I will not eat meat"; and someone else said: "I will not lie down in bed". (On hearing this): The Prophet (SAW) praised Allaah, and glorified Him and said: "what has happened to these people that they say so and so, whereas I observe prayer and I sleep too. I observe fast and I break my fast; I marry women also. And he who turns away from my Sunnah (i.e., my example or lifestyle), he has no relation with me"</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13px;"> [Narrated in Saheeh Muslim vol. 2. p703. no. 32361].</span></span></b></div>
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“Beware of extremism in religion, for the only thing that destroyed those before you was extremism in religion.” (Sunan Ibn Maajah: 3029)</div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 22px;">Don't wear yourself out with excessive worship to the point that you will leave it completely (audhubillah), and find things that you love to do and do them with the intentions for earning the Pleasure of Allah, the Almighty! Observe proper hijab (clothing as well as attitude) in public and in private (with your friends and family) you can be the fun person you truly are as long as you know and always remember that Allah is All-Seeing, All-Hearing, and All-Knowing, then you will not overstep your boundaries and behave inappropriately! Being a Muslimah is a fun and easy job! We just need to know how to do it! Starting a crafts club, a halaqah pot-luck, or even a small workout group for your friends at home are just some fun and exciting ideas that you can pursue! Focus on your </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">favorite</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 22px;"> hobbies and excel in them all while remembering to include Allah in your intentions! I </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 22px;">guarantee</span></span><span style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 22px;"> you will not feel stressed or that Islam is "too strict" and you will even find yourself being happier then ever and and the best thing is that your emaan increases and so does your knowledge! May Allah grant you success !</span></span><br />
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<b style="color: #e06666; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;"><i>May Allah forgive me for anything that I've said that has offended you, anything good I've said is from Allah and anything bad is from my own self and I seek refuge in Allah from shaitan the accursed. Ameen! </i></b><br />
<b style="color: #e06666; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;"><i><br /></i></b>
<b style="color: #e06666; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;"><i>Please also see this older post called "Is everything Haram": </i></b><a href="http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2010/07/is-everything-haram.html">http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2010/07/is-everything-haram.html</a></div>
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khadijahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12543326223405080665noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-21375257856146028432013-11-11T03:47:00.001-08:002014-01-17T06:23:44.807-08:00To Advise...Not to offend :)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have a question. There's a couple of girls in my class who are Muslims because of their family but they don't act like it, since they disregard a lot of Islam's basic rules and principles. Now, theoretically, I know that I'm not responsible for their actions and that it's their fault for not trying to be better people, but I feel guilty that as a classmate and a fellow Muslim sister who knows them well that I'm not helping them. But my problem is that I don't even know how to. Like would they even want to listen to me...and is there even a point, really, when they don't seem interested at all? Do you have any advice on what I should do?</span></blockquote>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: inherit;"><b>Salaam Alaykum and Hi sis!</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Your desire to want to help your classmates, rather than
turning a blind eye to the situation is very admirable. Wanting to help someone
better themselves; in any way,<i> can never be considered a bad thing</i>. In fact, as
sisters in Islam, we should always seek to help one another and reach out a
helping hand. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here’s a beautiful hadith portraying this:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>On
the authority of Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) who said, ” Whoever relieves a
believer’s distress of the distressful aspects of this world, Allah will rescue
him from a difficulty of the difficulties of the Hereafter. Whoever alleviates
[the situation of] one in dire straits who cannot repay his debt, Allah will
alleviate his lot in both this world and in the Hereafter. Whoever conceals
[the faults of] a Muslim, Allah will conceal [his faults] in this life and the
Hereafter. Allah is helping the servant as long as the servant is helping his
brother. Whoever follows a path in order to seek knowledge thereby, Allah will
make easy doe him, due to it, a path to Paradise. No people gather together in
a house of the houses of Allah, reciting the Book of Allah and studying it
among themselves, except that tranquility descended upon them, mercy covers
them, the angels surround them and Allah makes mention of them to those in His
presence. Whoever is slowed by his deeds will not be hastened forward by his
lineage.”</i> [Muslim]</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And, here’s another: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“He who removes from a
believer one of his difficulties of this world, Allah will remove one of his
troubles on the Day of Resurrection; and he who finds relief for a hard-pressed
person, Allah will make things easy for him on the Day of Resurrection; he who
covers up (the faults and sins) of a Muslim, Allah will cover up (his faults
and sins) in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah supports His slave as long
as the slave is supportive of his brother…” </i>[Muslim]</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And, what could be more wonderful than seeking to invite
others to learn more about the deen and helping one another through our
journey? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Supporting, encouraging and helping each other are things
the ummah should always strive to do, even in the smallest of deeds. And the
virtues of doing so are just incredible – in return for helping one another,
Allah promises to help us. What more could we want?? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">However, in situations like this it’s important to be
tactful and compassionate of someone else’s situation. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As you say yourself – you are not responsible for their
actions – but just as you’ve been observant of their behaviour, perhaps they’re
aware of yours. Be the best person you can be and ‘practice what you preach’ by
conducting yourself in a pleasing manner. Try to be a good role model and maybe
these sisters will notice the way you conduct yourself and follow your example.
You may not even need to say anything at all – your company and friendship
itself could be a good influence on them. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So often we can mistakenly assume the worst of someone or
jump to the wrong conclusions. Keep an open mind and give them the benefit of
the doubt. They may be completely unaware or ignorant about the way they’ve
been acting or they may even be remorseful of it but unsure of what do. While
you may be offering them advice with the best of intentions, allow them to
speak freely and be open to dialogue. You might think they won’t ‘seem
interested at all’ but you may be surprised by their reaction and find your
thoughts are very welcome! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I understand it can be quite nerve-wracking trying to find
the right time and the right words to approach a situation like this. </span>I know you may be worried that your classmates will look at you negatively or think "Great the Haram police". The thing to keep in mind though is that Allah made us all protectors of each other, meant to help each other. None of us is perfect and that is why we should remind each other...<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana;"><i>The Noble Qur'an - Al-Tauba 9:71</i></b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana;"> </span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana;">The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another: they enjoin what is just, and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practise regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.</span></blockquote>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Start off
my by making it clear you don’t mean to hurt/offend anyone and just want the
best for them. Something along the lines of “I hope you guys don’t take this
the wrong way, but I really ...” and work from there. You could also be
proactive and invite them to join a good Islamic group you may know of, or
suggest books you’ve read or talks you’ve listened to. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I want a share a quick story with you - it was brought to my
attention by Little Auntie herself who’d written the article and it’s all about
our obligation in correcting mistakes we see ... </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s the story of Ashab Al Sabt and it goes like this ...
Allah (Subhanoo wa' Tala) ordered the people to take Saturday as a Sabbath day as the means
of a test. This meant they weren’t allowed to fish that day, and that was the exact day that Allah would
provide for the fish to come to them openly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“And ask them (O
Muhammad (peace be upon him)) about the town that was by the sea; when they
transgressed in the matter of the Sabbath (i.e. Saturday): when their fish came
to them openly on the Sabbath day, and did not come to them on the day they had
no Sabbath. Thus We made a trial of them for they used to rebel against Allah’s
Command (disobey Allah).”</i> [Surah An-Nisa 4/154]</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But, some of the people conjured a plan to try to “trick
Allah”. They would cast their fishing nets on Friday and then collect them on
Sunday – thereby catching all of Saturdays fish without actually going fishing
on Saturday. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Witnessing the disobedience towards Allah (Subhanoo Wa Tala), the town was
divided into two – one group decided to speak up against this group, advising
them against their plan and warning them of the punishments for their actions
i.e. they commanded good and forbade evil. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The other group of people however, felt it wasn’t really
their responsibility – they thought Allah would just deal with them - and chose
to remain quite. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Quran says: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">And when a community among them said: “Why do
you preach to a people whom Allâh is about to destroy or to punish with a
severe torment?”</i></span></blockquote>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">How did the first group
reply?: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“(The preachers) said: ‘In order
to be free from guilt before your Lord (Allâh), and perhaps they may fear
Allâh.’” (4/155)</i></span></blockquote>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The first group of people had
acted for 2 reasons </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">– 1) for forgiveness from Allah (Subhanoo wa' Tala) by fulfilling their
Islamic duty </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">- 2) it might make the transgressors take heed and think twice
about their actions.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And, as a result, it was <b>this</b> group of people – the callers to obedience of Allah’s commands– who
survived. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That’s just one example of
the duty we have to speak up when we see someone saying/doing something wrong.
Check out the article for many more wonderful stories and examples! <a href="http://islamicink.wordpress.com/2007/05/04/correct-me-if-im-wrong/#more-63">http://islamicink.wordpress.com/2007/05/04/correct-me-if-im-wrong/#more-63</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I know you’re wondering ‘is there even a point’, and while
it may seem like ‘it’s not our place’, if we see someone doing something wrong
then we have a responsibility to speak up. <b><span style="color: red;">We’re put in others lives for a
reason and sometimes it’s okay and correct to step in or speak up if you don’t
agree with something. </span></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You say you know them well, so perhaps that puts you in a
good position to speak to them. They may understand where you’re coming from
and that you just want to help. It’s obvious you care about these girls and
their wellbeing, and hopefully that will come across. But, in the end all you
can do is offer them advice - it’s up to them whether they want to take it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="font-weight: normal;"></span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And, never underestimate the power of dua. Remember to keep
them (and the entire ummah!) in your duas and pray for the best. Ask Allah to
help them understand you and not take your advice the wrong way and ask Him for
guidance for us all :) </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">All my love,</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-33580978001968701382013-10-29T07:08:00.002-07:002013-10-29T07:08:17.644-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a></div>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: windowtext;">I like pretty things and I love shopping.
And I admit my heart skips a beat when I get a designer purse. Some people are
telling me that I shouldn't be so materialistic. Do you think I am
materialistic? When is materialistic excessive?</span></blockquote>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">Assalam-o-alaykum sister! :)</span><span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">First of all, let me just say- there is
nothing wrong in liking pretty things! After all, the Prophet(saw) said in a
hadith (part of which is): </span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: windowtext;"><b>“Allah is beautiful and loves beauty.
Arrogance is rejecting truth and looking down on people” [Muslim]</b></span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">Therefore liking pretty things is totally
natural. Appreciating beauty, in fact, is a part of human nature. </span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>How else</i></span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">
would we be able to admire the beautiful canvas of Allah (swt)? </span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>Why else</i></span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"> would
Allah (swt) talk about the beauty of Jannah in the Quran? So if anyone puts on
the haraam police suit for appreciating beautiful things, you know what to say
next time ;)</span><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">Going back to the hadith, as long as you
don't look down upon people for not owning designer purses, or look down upon
anything that is not pretty or designer, then you are-up till now-in the safe
zone.</span><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">Now we get onto the bigger question.
</span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;"><u>Materialism</u></span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">. According to Wikipedia, materialism is defined as “the <i>excessive</i> desire to <u>acquire</u> and <u>consume</u>
material goods. It is often bound up with a value system <i>which regards social status as being determined by affluence</i> as
well as the perception that <i>happiness can
be increased through buying, spending and accumulating material wealth</i>.”</span><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">So to answer the second part of your
question first (yes yes I have trouble following sequences:/), there is nothing
such as excessive materialism because materialism already IS excessive (you didn't see <i>that</i> coming, did you? ;) ) Using this definition as a benchmark, lets clarify a
few more points. Liking things of this world isn't haraam. Even the
Prophet(saw) admitted to liking things from this Dunya:</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext;"><b>“Made beloved to me
from your world are women and perfume, and the coolness of my eyes is in
prayer.” (Ahmad and An-Nasa ‘i)</b></span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">What </span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><i>is </i></span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">wrong is:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">1) Letting them(material goods, aka designer
purses and the like) rule your life, or the way you live your life.</span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">2) Giving them importance above things that
are more important-for example if you get so involved in looking at pretty
trinkets that you, for example, miss your salat.</span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">3) Having more than you need
(hoarding/stocking up), without giving a thought to people who don't even have
much more basic things.</span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">4) Thinking that life just cannot go on
without these, that your happiness depends on these, and such similar thoughts.</span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">5) Wasting money and time on it.</span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">Let me expound on point number 5 a bit (do I
sound like a teacher yet?). Money or wealth is something that has been given by
Allah (swt) to people in different quantities. It can be a </span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: red;">source of trial</span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"> or a
</span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0b5394;">source of success</span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">. It becomes a source of trial if you use it for wrong
purposes or haraam acts, if you get so involved in the dunya that you forget to
pay zakat, you forget those less blessed than you in terms of wealth and just
hoard it and use it for yourself. Or you look down upon them for not being
'cool enough' to mix with you because due to lack of wealth they weren't able
to have the same privileges in life that you had. It's a source of success when
you use it to help others, when you pay your dues and when you realize that
it's a blessing given to you by Allah (swt) so that you can share the khair :)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">As far as time is concerned-it's precious
and we know it. I won't use up space explaining this much because Allah (swt)
says it much more succinctly (<i>obviously!</i>):</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><span style="color: windowtext;">1. By Al-'Asr (the time).</span></b><b><span style="color: windowtext;"><br /></span></b><b><span style="color: windowtext;">2. Verily! Man is in loss,</span></b><b><span style="color: windowtext;"><br /></span></b><span style="color: windowtext;"><b>3. Except those who believe (in Islamic
Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth
(i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al-Ma'ruf)which
Allah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds
(Al-Munkar)which Allah has forbidden), and recommend one another to patience
(for the sufferings, harms, and injuries which one may encounter in Allah's
Cause during preaching His religion of Islamic Monotheism or Jihad, etc.).</b></span></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">Keeping all this in mind, I don't think,
anyone (including me!) needs to tell you whether you're materialistic or not.
Step back, take a breath and evaluate! <i>Is your love for shopping and pretty
things such that you use ALL your pocket money/income on it, or do you set
aside some for sadaqah and zakat (if that's obligatory on you)? Do you waste
<span style="background-color: white;">HOURS</span> in a mall, when in fact you could easily spend less than quarter of that
time, get what you need, and then use the leftover time for something
beneficial like volunteering at a shelter/ taking an Islamic class (to increase
in knowledge about your Deen-remember, knowledge is power!) or even courses
like sewing/arts and crafts etc? Do you usually miss out on prayers when you are
out shopping? If you had a choice between feeding a family and getting a
designer purse you've <u>dreamed about for months</u>, would you pick the latter [and
be completely honest since only you're going to know the answer to that one :p
]? Do you have more things that you can do with? Do you take out these purses
once a year for use and let them hibernate in your wardrobe for most of the
time?<br /> </i></span><span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">These are some questions that you may ask
yourself. The answers will be your answer :)</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">You see Allah(swt) doesn't ask us to become
hermits, but neither does He want us to be </span>so<span style="font-weight: normal;"> consumed by this Dunya that we
forget it's true reality-that it's a test. A trial. With temptations lurking at
every corner. Everything must be done in moderation-except for the good deeds!<br /><o:p></o:p></span></span><span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">I leave you with the translation of Surah
At-Takathur, which beautifully sums up materialism and the consequences:</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b><span style="color: windowtext;">1. Competition in [worldly] increase diverts
you</span><span style="color: windowtext;"><br /></span><span style="color: windowtext;">2. Until you visit the graveyards.</span><span style="color: windowtext;"><br /></span><span style="color: windowtext;">3. No! You are going to know.</span><span style="color: windowtext;"><br /></span><span style="color: windowtext;">4. Then no! You are going to know.</span><span style="color: windowtext;"><br /></span><span style="color: windowtext;">5. No! If you only knew with knowledge of
certainty...</span><span style="color: windowtext;"><br /></span><span style="color: windowtext;">6. You will surely see the Hellfire.</span><span style="color: windowtext;"><br /></span><span style="color: windowtext;">7. Then you will surely see it with the eye
of certainty.</span><span style="color: windowtext;"><br /></span><span style="color: windowtext;">8. Then you will surely be asked that Day
about pleasure.</span><span style="color: windowtext;"><br /></span></b><span style="color: windowtext;"><b>[Sahih International]</b></span><o:p> </o:p></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: windowtext; font-weight: normal;">I hope
this helped!</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: windowtext;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Love,</span></span></span><br />
<h2>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-51485468543977429022013-10-26T11:07:00.002-07:002014-01-17T06:27:45.306-08:00Eid Mooo-Baaa-rak!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% transparent; border: 0px none ! important;" /> </a><br />
<span style="background-color: #9fc5e8;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Eid Al Adha is coming up and honestly, I've never been comfortable with the </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">slaughtering that goes on. I really feel terrible that these animals die..and I don't </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">really understand why we do it. Could you please shed some light on it for me.</span></div>
</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: center;"> Assalamualaykoum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhoo ^.^</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Dear Sis,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
<br />
As we all know, Eid has arrived! :D (Well, when I was writing this at least, hehe). </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And it's Eid Al-Adha, to be precise.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
<br />
Eid Al Adha, according to Wikipedia, means “The Greater Eid” or “The Festival Of Sacrifice”. We can understand that “sacrifice” means the slaughtering of animals.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
And, since I'm not that great at introductions, lol... I’ll get straight to your question: Why do we slaughter animals when Eid Al-Adha comes? <br />
<br />
Let me show you a verse from the Quran first, before I proceed with my explanation (aka my ramblings :P): <br />
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;">{He (Ibrahim PBUH) said: “Oh my son! I saw in a vision that I offered thee </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">in sacrifice: What is your view?” The son (Ismael PBUH) said: “Oh my </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Father, do as thou are commanded. You will find me, If Allah (SWT) so wills,</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #b4a7d6;"> one practicing patience and constancy!” So when they had both submitted </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #b4a7d6;"></span></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #b4a7d6;"> their will (to Allah), and he had laid him prostrate on his forehead (for </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #b4a7d6;"></span></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #b4a7d6;"> sacrifice), We called out to him: “Oh Ibrahim, You have already fulfilled the</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #b4a7d6;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
vision!” Thus indeed do we reward those who do right. For this was a trial</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and We ransomed him with a momentous sacrifice.} (Surat As-Safat 37: 102- 107)</div>
</span></span></span><br />
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #b4a7d6; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">On Eid Al-Adha, we sacrifice animals basically to commemorate the willingness of Ibrahim alyhee as salam to sacrifice his son Ismael, because it was Allah’s (SWT) command (in the form </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">of a vision). And, as you can imagine, that was no easy feat! Ibrahim PBUH loved his son so much, as any parent would, yet he still knew that he had to obey Allah’s command. Ismael knew that, too and was ready to abide by his Lord’s command.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
<br />I mean, can you belive it? Ibrahim alyhee as salam was ready to sacrifice his OWN SON to show his obedience and submissiveness to Allah (Subhanoo Wa' Tala). But, Our Lord, in his mercy and greatness, replaced Ismael PBUH with a ram, which Ibrahim PBUH then sacrificed.<br />
<br />
So we, as Muslims, have since been sacrificing animals on Eid Al-Adha not only to honor Ibrahim alyhee as salam, but also to show our willingness to sacrifice in the name of Allah (SWT).<br />
<br />
Sis, I can totally understand why you feel terrible that these animals die. But in the end, the truth of the situation is that our Lord (SWT) created these animals... </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">For us. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">They aren’t going to go to either Jannah or hellfire like us. They can’t think about the world the way we do. They won’t be judged the way we are judged on the day of judgment, although they will have a different form of judgment:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">“These communities will be brought on the day of judgment while the</span></span></div>
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</span>
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">people are brought the day of judgment. While the people are standing,</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span>
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">there will be a judgment among the animals to such an extent that the</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span>
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">bald-headed sheep will retaliate from the horny sheep and the atom from </span></div>
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</span>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">another. Then it will be said to them: “Be dust!”. At this moment the </span></div>
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</span>
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">disbeliever will say: “Woe unto me! Were that I were (mere) dust!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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</span>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> -Sahih Muslim </span></span></div>
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</span>
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</span>
<div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Of course, that doesn’t mean we can be cruel with these animals! A woman entered hell fire because she was so cruel to a kitten that it died :( We have to treat animals with kindness and with what befits another living soul. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The thing to keep in mind is that every thing on this earth submits to Allah. Just like we submit to Allah, the animals also submit to Allah (the birds in the sky, the whales in the seas, and yes, the cows and goats on the farms). And just like we give our lives and would willingly die for Allah, the animals give up their lives for the sake of Allah</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #500050; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #500050; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And also, from </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">some of these animals is sustenance for us, and that is why Allah (Subhanoo Wa' Tala) made it </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">permissible for us to slaughter these animals. We are also highly encouraged to give a third of the slaughter to the poor, and this helps the community come closer together.</span><br />
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</span>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">“To every people did we appoint rites (of sacrifice) that they may celebrate</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the name of Allah over the sustenance he gave them (fit for food). But your </span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">
</span></span>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">God is one God: Submit then your wills to Him, and give thou the good </span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">
</span></span>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">news to those who humble themselves” (Surat Al-Hajj 22:34)</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">
</span></span>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
<br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Even then, the animal must be treated kindly, even if it is going to be </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">slaughtered, and until it is slaughtered. Then it is slaughtered as quickly and as </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">painlessly as possible, God’s name being pronounced over it before that.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">And, you know what? Perhaps Allah eases their pain... He is the All-Merciful and He is capable of having their souls seized painlessly. The body may bleed, but perhaps they are not feeling the pain. We don't really know.</span><br />
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Well, Insha Allah, I hope that cleared up some things for you, and anyone else reading this :) Eid Mubarak everyone, and may Allah let us live to see more Eids to come ^^</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sincerely forever, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><img src="webkit-fake-url://F8A438B9-311E-4F97-BCA2-FCB73E094923/image.tiff" /><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span><br />
<br /></div>
Jewelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16614256604803831967noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-91669059278432526802013-10-20T05:51:00.000-07:002013-10-20T15:17:15.065-07:00How Do I Get Along With my Mum?<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px !important;" /></a><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Assalamualikum Dear Aunties! My Problem is I'm 19 and I still dont get along with my mum. People say, a girl's first best friend is her mum. But nt so in my case. We are so similar that we clash and we are different like poles apart at the same time. I don't want to be a bad daughter. I know if mum is not happy with me Allah wont be. But how do I get along with her? Everything that I do annoys her, I'm not a socialist, I'm emotionally and socially handicap. She doesn't like that about me. I like being in my room, keeps me comfortable and makes me feel secure. she hates that as well. Its not that I dont love her, but she pushes my buttons and I answer her back (I cry afterwards for doing tht). I dont think I can ever be on the same page as her. I know she loves me as well. And as I said before I'm emotionally handicap so I dont really say I love you to the people I love, they just get the msg, but apparently my mom doesn't. I just dont want Allah to be angry with me. Please help me out.</blockquote>
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<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Aww sister, it’s great that you care so much about
being a good daughter, mashallah. Don’t worry, inshallah with time, you too can
be best friends with your mum.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I know it can be frustrating to feel that you’re not
being a good daughter. The reality is that your relationship with our mom, like
all relationships, requires work. It’s not always easy or natural to please our
parents. But if we can take an active part to improve our relationship with our
moms (parents) for the sake of AllahSWT, we can accomplish it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: small;">I recently read this great quote, </span><b><span style="font-size: large;">“the three A’s of
life: attention, affection, and appreciation.”</span> </b><span style="font-size: small;">These three words really are the
ingredients to any good relationship. Try to think of a person in your life who
you have a great relationship e.g. your best friend. You’ll notice that you
naturally give them attention, affection, and appreciation. You also receive
them and that’s what makes your relationship great! You can use these three A’s
to get along with your mom as well. Here’s how you can apply the three A’s to
your situation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;">Attention:</span></b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Attention is the art of listening. Active listening is not merely hearing. Active
listening is without any distractions or any interruptions. So the next time your
mom’s speaking to you, you can give her attention by completely turning your
face and body towards her, asking appropriate questions, and rephrasing any instructions
she gives you. For example: “Mmhmm…O.K… I see…all right mom, so you want me to
clean my room, vacuum the living room, and do my homework? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Another way
you can pay attention to your mom is by asking her what she needs. Better yet,
pay attention to the things she likes done and surprise her by doing one of
those things spontaneously. It can be as simple as making her favorite tea for
her. </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><br /></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">Affection:</span></span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
As we know, along with the content of what we say, <i>how</i> we say them is
equally if not more important. The same statement: “Hi” can mean different
things depending on how we phrase it. So our tone is very important. When it
comes to your mom, talk in a soothing, sweet voice. Especially when you are sharing
a differing opinion, do so in a kind, affectionate tone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: large;">Appreciation:</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Everybody
loves to be appreciated. It shows that the other person noticed. When it comes
to your mom, compliment her on the things she does for you. For instance you
could compliment her cooking. Especially if she tries out a new recipe, show
her you noticed and encourage her. This may seem small but it’s amazing how
much this works wonders. I’ve tried it with my mother; trust me, it works. Just
think how it feels when someone we care about compliments us on something we
worked hard on. It shows they appreciated us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Now about saying: “I love you,” don’t worry if it’s
hard to <i>say</i> “I love you”. There are other ways you can show your mom that
you love and care about her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Have you heard about <b>The Five Languages of Love</b>? Words
of Affirmation, Spending Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical
Touch. Find whichever ones suits your
personality more AND that your mom would respond to. For instance, if you feel that your mom loves
to hear words of affirmation, then you can still do that but in ways that are
more comfortable for you. For example: you
could write her a small note on the fridge or text her: “I love you, mom.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A great example of the Physical Touch language of love
is found in the Sunnah of our beloved Nabi Salallahu alayhi wa salam. Follow the
Sunnah of the Prophet (S) in how he greeted his daughter Fatima(RA) when she
would visit him and how she would greet her father when he would visit her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Aisha Bint Talha quoted
Aisha as saying: </span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">"I have not seen anyone more similar to the
Messenger in speech and dialogue than Fatima. Whenever she entered the house,
he would greet her, kiss her hands and ask her to sit near him. Likewise, when
he entered the house, she would greet him, kiss his hands and etc....."</span></i></blockquote>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So the next time you greet your mom, what do ya say,
you give her a big ol’, toothy smile, delicate kiss on the cheek or hands, a
great, bear hug and an “Assalamu Alaikum!” </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> Make it a habit to greet her in a special way,
and it’ll inshallah create warmth between you and your mom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You also mentioned that you are similar to your mom,
then inshallah it’ll be easier to bond with her. The next time your mom says
something that you agree with, let it be known! Say: “I know how you feel.” And
“That’s exactly how I feel, mom!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Also joking with your mom! Since you know you have
things in common, you could use this to joke with her. For example:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “You know mom,
I noticed you like your mint tea with pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">: …<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “I do too!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Or <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Let’s have
some mint tea with pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, since that’s both of our favorite.”
[*smiles*]<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">: “Ok…” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Or <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Now I know
where I got that love for mint tea and chocolate chip cookies, you must have
had a lot of it when you were pregnant with me. [*smile*]”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mom:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Oh stop it,
you. [*Smiles*] You know, now that you mentioned it, I did. That’s why you were
orange for a long time.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> “What?! I was
orange. I </span></span><span style="line-height: 18px;">didn't</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> know that…”<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Lol, maybe that won’t happen. </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
But you get the gist. Don't be scared to act silly and have light conversations with your mom. <span style="color: red;"><b>You don’t want her to
only remember the heated arguments you had with her.</b> </span>So create these happy
memories and Inshallah it will overshadow the not so great ones of the past. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">O.K., so you also brought up how you don’t like to
socialize. I want to tell you that it’s ABSOLUTELY O.K. Being introverted is a
personality just like being extroverted is, so don’t beat yourself up over
that. Embrace that part of you as being introverted is associated with a lot of
<a href="http://introvertspring.com/the-top-10-advantages-of-being-an-introvert/" target="_blank">benefits</a>.</span> <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
can relate as I also love spending time alone. It helps me recharge and think
in peace. There’s nothing wrong with it inherently. However if it bothers your
mom that you spend too much time in your room, try to leave your room once in a
while to spend some more <i>quality</i> time with her. Remember the length of
time doesn’t matter as long as you spend meaningful time with her. Also
communicate with her to find out what about you staying in your room bothers her.
Asking her directly will help you pinpoint what exactly she needs so that both
of you won’t be so frustrated, inshallah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><b>Also, being introverted doesn’t have to stop you
from showing others how you fee</b>l. Despite the fact that we may think others should
just know how we feel, that’s not the case. We really have to be explicit whether
it’s in giving a compliment, constructive feedback, or even sharing how we feel
about something. If you feel that talking about your feelings is uncomfortable,
try other modes like writing. It could even be as simple as a smile or a hug.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Now I want to give you a sort of <b><span style="color: red;">disclaimer:</span></b>
Changing how you act with your mom might not give you immediate results. I know
from experience it’s hard to change how we interact with our family members. So
it may feel awkward and forced at first. You might get shot down or be
questioned that you’re being unlike yourself the first few times. You might
also stumble and make mistakes along the way.
But don’t give up! Slowly incorporate all of these ideas and soon
they’ll become a part of you. Let me give you an example. Do you know how to
ride a bicycle? Remember how it felt the first few times? It felt weird and so
new but after some practice you learned to ride it to the point that it became second-nature.
So much so that you can’t even believe that it was ever so difficult to ride a
bike. It’s just the same with this situation. The more you practice these
steps, the easier and more second-nature they’ll be inshallah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I want to finish off by saying this: We become so
used to our parents being patient with us when we were younger that we take it
for granted. But there comes a time where we find we have to start being
patient with them. Just like they used to s speak in a kind tone with us, and have to explain
(sometimes multiple times) the things we didn’t understand, we have to now. We
have to be the ones to bite our tongues and forgive them. We have to take the
first step in trying to understand their point-of-view if we want them to understand
ours. It’s hard sometimes but inshallah we’ll get immense reward for being
obedient to our parents. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">May AllahSWT bless you and your family. Much <3<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJesgX7KUesr5vmf3NLrFwvVVldGOsZVGEuPJjP2tYrYRSSmiw4StOp7KlFZZYfAwSSZadr7PrI7p-L2c0suyS1INoi9-OgKc_qy_0HXvP7uifMSwhV0R1RXARRI5-7G8Ese6VoxIe7l8/s1600/Seeking+patience.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="77" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJesgX7KUesr5vmf3NLrFwvVVldGOsZVGEuPJjP2tYrYRSSmiw4StOp7KlFZZYfAwSSZadr7PrI7p-L2c0suyS1INoi9-OgKc_qy_0HXvP7uifMSwhV0R1RXARRI5-7G8Ese6VoxIe7l8/s320/Seeking+patience.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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P.s. Here are more articles about: <a href="http://introvertspring.com/the-definition-of-an-introvert/" target="_blank">Definition of an Introvert</a>, <a href="http://introvertspring.com/15-introvert-myths-busted/" target="_blank">Introvert Myths</a>, <a href="http://introvertspring.com/finding-your-voice-as-an-introvert/" target="_blank">Finding your Voice as an Introvert</a>, <a href="http://introvertspring.com/introverts-hate-small-talk/" target="_blank">Introverts and Small Talk</a>. Enjoy!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-64322749206397839232013-10-13T05:19:00.004-07:002013-10-13T05:19:52.548-07:00Profile Picture Dilema<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px !important;" /></a></div>
<blockquote>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Asalaumu Alaikum,</span>Jazakallah for this amazing blog, it has helped me alot. Keep it up. I have a problem in convincing a cousin of mine to remove a revealing profile picture of her on a social networking site that I've seen quite recently. It really makes me upset to see her exposing her beauty in such a public environment. The only problem is that I don't have regular contact with her and her family. Should I just tell her to remove her picture immediately in a strict sort of way/proffesional or I should I speak to her in a lighter tone, even though we're not close? Please help me find a solution to this<br />Worrying for my sister</blockquote>
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wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo!</div>
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I'm going to take a moment to give a message to all my sisters here:<br /></div>
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SubhanAllah, social media really has become a trial for us in that way: we love compliments and hearing that we're attractive and what easier way to get a compliment than to press that camera button and flash away (..and upload, of course). And what smiles we have on our faces as the number of likes for our pictures go up. But SISTERS....before you post that picture, ask yourself: would Allah want you to put that picture? Are you looking beautiful to Allah in this picture? Are you maintaining the dignity Allah bestowed upon you? The honor of being His servant? The grace and mercy of being a believer in Him who molded and fashioned you?</div>
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And sisters...if you have guys on your account (which we have repeatedly been against on this blog), and you a compliment on how sexy/hot you look....Try translating that message to: "You've sparked my imagination and I might possibly be imagining you now WITHOUT clothes on." In fact, a psychological study was conducted on men viewing pictures of women wearing bikinis. The study found that the area associated in the brain with "objects" lit up when the men saw these pictures. <a href="http://edition.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/02/19/women.bikinis.objects/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">http://edition.cnn.<wbr></wbr>com/2009/HEALTH/02/19/women.<wbr></wbr>bikinis.objects/</a></div>
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Is that what you want? I don't want a single one of you to ever want to be lumped together in the same category as an object. It's not the number of guys who line up to look at your pictures that makes you beautiful. You are beautiful because you were created by Allah, the Almighty. And in keeping your relationship with Allah and boundaries that He has set, do you grow far more beautiful.<br /><br />Now! Back to your question, darling. It is really great that you love your cousin enough to not want her putting up exposing pictures of herself. Use that 'love' when you come to give her nasiha.</div>
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Always, always, put yourself at the position of the person you are giving nasiha to. Would you prefer for someone to use a strict tone with you? Or a lighter tone filled with love? Remember that EVEN Moosa alyhee wa salam was told to remind Firawn gently!!</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><b><span class="aya hover" id="t-20-43" style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma, Arial; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="aya-wrapper" style="margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="ayaText" style="margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;">Go, both of you, to Pharaoh. Indeed, he has transgressed. </span><span class="ayaNumber" style="color: #005500; cursor: pointer; font-size: 0.85em; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; white-space: nowrap;">(<a href="http://tanzil.net/#trans/en.sahih/20:43" style="color: #005500; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none;">43</a>)</span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma, Arial; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-align: justify;"> </span><span class="aya" id="t-20-44" style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma, Arial; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: justify;"><span class="aya-wrapper" style="margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span class="ayaText" style="margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;">And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah]." ) Surat Taha</span></span></span></b></span></blockquote>
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Let me give you a couple of scenarios:</div>
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<span style="color: red;"><b>Strict tone cousin</b>:</span><span style="color: #222222;"> Listen, cousin, the picture you have is so inappropriate and haram. You should remove it immediately. Now. Right now. What are you waiting for? I want to come on later and see it GONE. Zapped. Istagfirullah. Auzoobillah from this!</span></div>
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<b>Her possible response</b>: <i>Oh, "Miss Holy", thank you for your nasiha. Not. Allah's my Judge. Not you. </i></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><b>Light Tone</b>:</span><span style="color: #222222;"> Hey cousin! Eid Mubarak! I hope you and your family have a great Eid this year. By the way, you are looking really fabulous in your pics...but there was one pic that kinda worried me. That one with the _____shirt/dress... You know, you never know whose looking at your pictures on Facebook and what they're doing with them. You're far more beautiful than to have strangers going goo goo gaga over you. You're a treasure, hun, and don't forget that.</span></div>
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<b>Possible response:</b> <i>Thanks :) I hope you have a great Eid, too. How are you doing and how's your family? InshaAllah, I'll think about that picture :) </i></div>
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She is far more likely to respond to a lighter tone where she feels that you worry about her and love her than one where she feels that you think you are her teacher, setting her right. And she will probably be more inclined to keeping in touch with you...which means you might be able to help her more :)<br /><br />Another thing you can do is also put up this link: it's an article where a mom of teenage sons writes to girls about their pictures on facebook</div>
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<a href="http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">http://givenbreath.com/2013/<wbr></wbr>09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-<wbr></wbr>girl/</a></div>
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You can write something like: "OH, a must read!" And you can tag her and a bunch of others in that link so that she reads it but doesn't feel that it's only intended for her.</div>
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You can even put this post up =) </div>
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With love,</div>
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Little Auntie</div>
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<img src="http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f23/bateeka/blessyourfamily3.gif" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;" /> </div>
Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-53518510811996468822013-09-12T00:58:00.000-07:002013-09-12T00:59:42.684-07:00My Sister's Being Forced to Marry....<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></span></a><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Asalamu aialkum!
Well, first of all… CONGRATULATIONS to littleAunt's Wedding!! Mabrok mabrouk!! I am soo happy for her/you little Auntie!! ;)))))) *jumpy* I'll hug to this if I could! still… mabrouk!! Wishing you, only the BEST. =DAlright alright… I have this sister of mine who like you is getting married too.. But I think the difference is… she doesn’t like the guy. No. I’m SURE, she doesn't like the guy. (it’s a long story, when I say Long I mean REAL long) it starts with my grandmother, she’s the one who prefer that man for my sister.. Because, as I heard, of his parents. ( a distant relative which she dotes upon) there might not be a problem, except that; the guy smokes (my sister is asthmatic btw), drinks alcohol, and party loudly (although he’s a muslim), doesn't really have a job right now.. in short, not the kind of man you would willing to get married with.. Uh, yeah. There’s evidence already.. We've seen them but not virtually though) Pictures.. We've see pictures.. (Is it wrong that we did some digging? No offence to him.) We handed out those evidences that we gathered, to our grandmother and she was like.. ‘So? young people do stupid things” and was like “The wedding is STILL on! “ and we were like “!??????” yeah… we were SPEECHLESS. We thought our grandmother was processed or something. Kidding. I know, I’m sure she has a reason. But really!? My father tried to talk his mother out of this but, she wouldn't budge. She still thinks this is what’s best for my sister, for all of us. (I don’t see her point, really. Maybe you could?) My sister fought her battle with all her heart.. Tears after tears.. Swollen eyes after swollen eyes.. Eye bags after Eye bags (joke?).. She became someone else after she’s slowly realizing that this is a losing battle, She’s cranky all the time!. Sigh~ I could only pity her.. I wish I can help but.. I’m just a kid. Just a kid with nothing yet a say in this family. Here comes the problem… She accepted that she has to do It. She will have to be a sacrificial lamb. That there would be a wedding. but she claimed that she would never ever take part in consummating the marriage. That she’ll save her dowry for divorce. That she will act like there’s no wedding happened. Now, what should I say to her? Doing that is like a SIN, right? Once He become her husband, it’s customary the she obliged HIM no matter what, right? I don’t want her to commit this sin, If ever. Told you it’s a long story! This is not even the half of it. =D but I really need help, I love her and this kid want to help ... =( Concern bystander</span></blockquote>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatoo,</span><br />
<i><span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: inherit;">First of all,our thanks a lot hunny bunny for your sweeet words =) Hug and LOVE received! Jazakillah khairyan <3 nbsp=""><!--3--></3></span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="color: #a64d79;"><br /></span></i>
<span style="color: #222222;">Second of all, I was so so so sad to read what you wrote about your sister. Your grandmother really doesn't have the right to do that, at all. From what you've described, there is nothing whatsoever particularly to like or look forward to about this guy...(and no, that was totally completely correct to do a little digging! One should take 'bi al asbab' or use the means available to them when embarking on a big decision like marriage)...Maybe your grandmother finds his mistakes 'simple', but she's not the one marrying the guy. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />So here's the thing....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I can't really discuss the fiqh issue of whether or not your sister could do that, but I can give some advice:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I really really want you to tell your sister that NOBODY CAN FORCE HER TO GET MARRIED WITHOUT HER CONSENT. Yes, she has an alternative plan, but the reality is that she doesn't even need that plan.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Islam has made the woman's consent a condition for a marriage.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: inherit;"><b>At the time of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), a woman came to him and said, <em>“My father has married me to my cousin to raise his social standing and I was forced into it.”</em> The Prophet sent for the girl’s father and then in his presence gave the girl the option of remaining married or<u> nullifying the marriage.</u> She responded, <em>“O Messenger of Allah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to show other women <u>(that they could not be forced into a marriage).</u>”</em> </b></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Tell her: don't give your consent! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">a) </span><span style="color: #351c75;"><b>She needs to tell your father or WALI she will not go through with the marriage.</b></span><span style="color: #222222;"> The marriage requires her father's consent and not her grandmother's.She can show her wali the pictures and explain that even if young people make mistakes, this person is in no way attractive to her: not his personality, behavior, looks or anything.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">b) </span><span style="color: #274e13;"><b>If she doesn't want to that, then she can simply have this man somehow informed that unfortunately, it ai'nt working out</b></span><span style="color: #222222;">. She can say that due to some things she has discovered, she will not be able to carry on with the matter. She can send him an email/ she can have someone tell his parents/ anything. If he gave her a gift, she can return it with a small note..It will be pretty clear that it is over.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">c)</span><b><span style="color: #990000;"> She can appeal to the Imam about her situation and have him talk to your parents and grandmother.</span></b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">d) If all that fails for some reason, the day of the wedding, she can stand up and say "I'm sorry, but I cannot do this."</span></b><br />
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I know that she thinks she has a plan....but unfortunately, most of us come from places where cultural expectations would be against her. How much you wanna bet people will be saying: "Hey, that's the girl who got married for one month and then got divorced. Wonder what was wrong with her". The reality is that if she follows through with her plan, she would be sabotaging any real chance of love (later on). Besides, and more importantly, there is no reason whatsoever to be torturing one's self....not even one day.<br /><br />Please tell her this before it is too late! </span></div>
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Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-43623690874510902022013-09-12T00:41:00.000-07:002013-09-12T01:05:13.526-07:00The Wedding Day<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: #faffff; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 18.09375px;">Since you just had a wedding party (mashallah), any tips on how to have a fun-filled yet appropriate wedding and how to avoid the pitfalls when planning the wedding? That would be great. </span><span style="background-color: #faffff; color: #4c4c4c; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 18.09375px;">Much love <3><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--><!--3--></3></span></blockquote>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2Y2YaQwAmumf44basZ8frW5-R19AgXovJE-yrwcMFmDugwcd6LlBwcFcQxicGzAHCpHGQE3V_WQI7gfyRzmCpObuvrfoJn8lZmSaptSrYxFQSEEbB_KE2nTxRmNzz0VBCceLygufiW31t/s1600/balloons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2Y2YaQwAmumf44basZ8frW5-R19AgXovJE-yrwcMFmDugwcd6LlBwcFcQxicGzAHCpHGQE3V_WQI7gfyRzmCpObuvrfoJn8lZmSaptSrYxFQSEEbB_KE2nTxRmNzz0VBCceLygufiW31t/s320/balloons.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Asalamu aliakaum!<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;">Before I start, I just want to say that ...of course, I had a segregated wedding ;)<br /><br />Anyways, here are some ideas I did/had and y'all are free to share more!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;">a) I </span><b><span style="color: #0b5394;">passed around a guest book</span></b><span style="color: #222222;"> during the party. My twist: I put up jokes, riddles, facts about me and my husband (like how we both hate cheese, how it was my boss at work who told me about him, etc.), islamic quotes, all throughout the guest book so that while people were writing in it, they were being entertained..<!-----you--></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;">You could also have a slideshow ^ with funny pictures of you and the guests...or even baby pictures.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;">b) I had a </span><span style="color: #741b47;"><b>pinata</b></span><span style="color: #222222;"> (can be a simple big big colorful balloon) for the children....It doesn't have to be only for the children, though. Who doesn't like chocolate and goodies?</span></div>
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c) You can have someone be like the 'host/coordinator' of the party and play with the colors that people are wearing. Here are some examples:<br />
Whoever is wearing red: has to sing a song in the microphone</div>
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whoever is wearing blue tell us about a funny time with the bride/ groom</div>
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whoever is wearing yellow: say a dua for the bride and groom</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;">
whoever is wearing pink: tell us their favorite hadith</div>
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whoever is wearing purple: tell us their recipe for ___________- something the groom likes)</div>
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whoever is wearing black: give us the 'most important advice' for the bride and groom</div>
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whoever is wearing golden: draw a picture for the bride and groom</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: small;">
whoever is wearing silver: tell us about something that scares them</div>
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embarassing moments/ their first time meeting the bride/groom/ what they wish someone had told them before getting married/ etc.<br />
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^You can do that with numbers too. Just put number underneath each chair and call out: whoever is sitting on number 8, do .....Or even with "balloons". Hand out a balloon to each person and whoever has....</div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">d) </span><span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Pass the parcel game!</b></span><span style="color: #222222;"> If you're not familiar with it, this article explains it very well: </span><a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Play-Pass-the-Parcel" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">http://www.wikihow.com/<wbr></wbr>Play-Pass-the-Parcel</a><span style="color: #222222;">. Remember though to be using Islamic nasheeds </span></div>
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e) Ice cream sundaes anyone? Fun and yummy :P</div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">f) Leave </span><span style="color: #351c75;"><b>'puzzles' or even riddles</b></span><span style="color: #222222;"> on tables for guests sitting together to work together on and have something to talk about....</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;">g) You could have a </span><span style="color: #990000;"><b>theme too like "flowers</b></span><span style="color: #222222;">" (and all guests have to wear something with a flower)</span><br />
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<b>How to avoid the pitfalls?</b></div>
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1. <b>Recognize that your marriage is an act of worship</b> and therefore, one should start it (the wedding) in a way that reflects that. What I mean by that is that the wedding ultimately should be a means to seeking Allah's pleasure and not be at all a license for you to sin. </div>
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2. <b>Discuss with the husband/ fiance how you're going to make sure that your wedding is "halal"</b>. Discuss food, music, seating arrangements (segregated!), etc. Both of you HAVE TO AGREE aboutt it and be ready to face the "criticism" you might be getting together...</div>
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3.<b> Inform your relatives right from the beginning </b>(like even a month before the wedding or however long you are planning it) that you're trying to make your wedding a way to please Allah...You would love their help, suggestions and cooperation in this...and of course, you want them there. (Once you've told them that Allah's pleasure is your target, you are less likely to have them expecting "wrong cultural practices". IF they do start giving you suggestions, just say, me and my fiance have agreed though that we want.....)</div>
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4. <b>Stick to a budget</b>. Remember, there's no reason to start your marriage with a debt!</div>
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5. <b>Your wedding is your day</b>. Not your neighbor's or cousin or whoever. So don't compare it to anyone else.</div>
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6. <b>Have what the guests will listen to prepared in advance and who will play it. </b>I know that sounds so simple, but mistakes happen all the time in that area ....<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;">Well, sisters, what else can you add? :)</span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><!-----you--><br />
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Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-69129624761182694272013-09-05T01:57:00.001-07:002013-09-12T01:01:53.960-07:00The Perfect Wedding Dress? <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I wrote this before my wedding by 8 days :)<br />
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<b>The Perfect Wedding Dress</b></div>
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“Did you get your wedding dress, <b><i>yet</i></b>?” my friends asked.<br />
“<i>You still haven’t gotten your dress, yet?</i>” my well meaning relatives asked incredulously. </div>
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<span style="color: #333333;">Err....No....not yet....</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;">Shock. Horror. “</span><span style="color: #cc0000;"><i>But what are you waiting for</i></span><span style="color: #333333;">?”</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;">“Well, the thing is...what I’ve come to realize is that, no matter what I get, there will always be something better...” My voice trails off.</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;">My twin sister - aka Little Miss Aunty- looks at me knowingly and says, “Uh oh. Don’t start. Don’t tell them about your philosophy...”</span><br />
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But she’s too late.</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;">
I’ve already begun explaining my somewhat pessimistic philosophy....</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;">
“See, as a young girl, I have always dreamed of the white dress. I wanted something perfect. If I were to sum it up, basically the bestest, most MAGNIFICENT SPLENDID dress ever, that would magically transform me into a gorgeous diva, equal to, if not prettier than, any of the actresses from the ‘Woods (Hollywood/Bollywood). But now that I’ve grown-up, I understand that there’s a budget and limitations around me and I can’t exactly have the most beautiful dress ever. And even if I were to get that beautiful dress, something better would come along. And the thing is, once I do get my dress, it will be over for me. I’ll never have that chance again to look at all the choices and decide. And maybe that’s why I’m paralyzed right now. It just seems like I’m never going to actually ‘realize’ the dream....”</span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;">
Mixed reactions of: “Ummm, are you okay?” “You’ve got a point.” </span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;">
And then I got:
“ It’s getting late. <b>You need to get the dress.</b>” From Mr. Boss. Aka fiancé/husband...</span></div>
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And so..<b>.I got the dress.</b></div>
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There are still 8 days until I wear it.
</span><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: 13px;"><b>Is it perfect?</b></span><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px;"> Hmmm....
</span><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: 13px;"><b>Is it pretty?</b></span><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px;"> I think so.
</span><span style="color: #741b47; font-size: 13px;"><b>Will I look beautiful on that day?</b></span><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px;"> I hope so.
</span><span style="color: red; font-size: 13px;"><b>Is it going to last forever?</b></span><span style="color: #333333; font-size: large;"><b> No.</b></span></div>
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But in the greater scheme of things, I’ve had a somewhat greater epiphany.</div>
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I’ve realized that the dream was never of the white dress.</div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-size: 13px;">The dream was of </span><b><span style="color: #134f5c; font-size: large;">jannah.</span></b></div>
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The dream was of a time when I would be completely and utterly beautiful and radiant...without any need of Keratin, creams, foundation or cucumbers or all that silly stuff we do/use to look our best. </div>
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The dream was of a time when all my loved ones would be joyful. The dream was of a time when there would be complete serenity and bliss. No grudges. </div>
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I was </span><i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">looking for paradise in that dress and in my wedding</span></i><span style="font-family: lucida grande, tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">. And I think that in a way, many of us might fall into that trap, of misplacing our hopes and thoughts in a dress, a perfect spouse, the best job, the biggest house, etc.... The reality is that paradise does not exist in these things. Yes, we may find comfort, happiness and peace in these things, but they cannot and will not provide us with everlasting happiness and bliss. That, instead, is paradise. </span></div>
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And paradise is the reward of submission to Allah.
So if we hope to find a glimpse of paradise, we have to be searching for it in the worship of Allah.
And so....I’m pretty content. I won’t have the perfect dress or wedding here on earth...but as believers, there’s always paradise to look forward to.
And I hear the dresses there...are out of this world.
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Love,</div>
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Little Auntie</div>
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Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-46030309153675594592013-07-12T05:01:00.000-07:002013-07-12T05:13:25.367-07:00Memorizing the Qur'an<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.mylivesignature.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54488/288/F68B42AA6091D165C2D7362C66BE3B82.png" style="background: transparent; border: 0 !important;" /></a><br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Asalamu alaikum sisters
I absolutely love this blog, mashallah. I go to a madrasah once a week and I am set 2 pages of Quran to read, which isn't too much too ask. However during the rest of the week my time is consumed by revising for my exams,staring at the tv and surfing the net. I leave it to the last minute and just about read it ok to my teacher. Every time I feel really guilty about not dedicating my time to the Quran and just reading it to the quran teacher. My question is how do I stop cheating myself and love the Quran as it should be loved?</blockquote>
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Walaikum Salaam dear sister,<br />
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And, Ramadan Mubarak! I hope you are in the best of health and highest of imaan and that you are showered with His countless blessings during this beautiful month and for ever more. Ameen.<br />
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I think it’s awesome that you attend a madrasah and are trying to become more committed to your Quran studies, MashAllah and trying to love the Qur'an more. Remember:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #333333; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">'</span><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 24px;">Uthman reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, <b>"The best of you is the one who learns the Qur'an and teaches it." [</b>al-Bukhari]</span></span></span></blockquote>
The BEST of you ....imagine the billions of people who have walked on this earth. If you memorize the Qur'an, you will be considered in Allah's sight as from the best/most special.<br />
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And you know what , you’re right – 2 pages doesn’t seem to be asking a lot – however, it’s all about <b><span style="color: #741b47;">quality, not quantity. </span></b><br />
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Sometimes when there’s so much to do and not enough hours in the day to do it all we can become disappointed with our half-hearted attempts. But, here are a few suggestions to help you dedicate more time and perform your best when reading the Quran.<br />
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Don’t see it as ‘homework<b><span style="color: red;">’ but as an investment in yourself. </span></b>While exams are important and it’s nice to wind down and relax in front of the tv after a hard day at school or work – devoting just 30 minutes or an hour or so to practising your recitation would be much more beneficial and is just as important (if not more) and <b><span style="color: #134f5c;">can be just as relaxing. </span></b><br />
<b><span style="color: #134f5c;"><br /></span></b>
<b>In fact, I want you to think of memorizing the Qura'n as preparing for a court ruling with the best lawyer possible.</b><span style="color: #134f5c; font-weight: bold;"> </span>Think about all the sins you might have committed- the good deeds you should have done that you didn't- the things you don't want to face Allah with. On the Day of Judgment, Allah, the All-Knowing and Well Acquainted with your deepest desires will be your Judge. But also, on that Day, by the will of Allah, <span style="color: #134f5c;">the Qur'an will act as an intercessor...pleading your case for you.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #6c6e70; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 15.390625px; text-align: justify;">"Fasting and the Qur'an will intercede for the slave on t</span><span style="color: #6c6e70; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 15.390625px; text-align: justify;">he Day of Resurrection. Fasting will say: 'O My Rabb! I prevented him from food and desires, so accept my intercession for him.' And the Qur'an will say: 'I prevented him from sleep during the night, so accept my intercession for him.' He (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said: 'And they will (be allowed to) intercede.'" [Ahmad, at-Tabarani, Al-Hakim, Sahih]</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">an-Nawwas ibn Sam'an said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, 'On the Day of Rising the Qur'an will be brought with the people who used to act by it in this world, preceded by </span><i style="line-height: 24px;">Surat al-Baqara </i><span style="line-height: 24px;">(2) and </span><i style="line-height: 24px;">Ali 'Imran</i><span style="line-height: 24px;"> (3),<span style="color: #38761d;"><i> arguing on behalf of those who knew them</i></span>.'" [Muslim]</span> </span></span></blockquote>
<span style="color: #6c6e70; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 15.390625px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<span style="line-height: 15.390625px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Remind yourself of that. Make a poster or wall paper with some hadiths about the rewards of reading and memorizing the Qur'an and put it up somewhere<span style="color: #351c75;"> </span><b>where you can always see it, including next to your television and computer.</b></span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 15.390625px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></span>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #6c6e70; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15.390625px; text-align: justify;">"Whoever reads a letter from the Book of Allah will receive a hasanah (good deed) from it (i.e. his recitation), and the hasanah is multiplied by ten. I do not say that Alif-Laam-Meem is (considered as) a letter, rather Alif is a letter, Laam is a letter, and Meem is a letter." [At-Tirmidhi, Ad-Darimi]</span></blockquote>
<span style="color: #6c6e70; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 15.390625px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
Creating a schedule and allocating specific times dedicated to reading the Quran can be helpful. Make it easier for yourself by dividing the two pages into sections and throughout the week tackle each section until you’re happy with your recitation. Remember it’s not a race! Take your time with it and try to stick to the schedule. Practice a little each day throughout the week and insha’Allah by the time it comes to reading to your teacher you would have gone over the 2 pages enough times to be happy with your reading.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Abdullah ibn Amr RadiyAllahu `anhu re¬ports that Rasulullah Sallallahu `alaihi wasallam said: "On the Day of Judgment, it will be said to the Man devoted to the Qur'an, 'Go on reciting the Qur'an and continue ascending the stories of Paradise and recite in the slow manner as you had been reading in worldly life; your final place will be where you reach at the time of the last ayat of your recitation." (Ahmad, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud) </i></blockquote>
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The only way to get better is through practice, practice, practice. Before reading to your teacher maybe you could also practice reading to someone else, like a friend or a parent. Of course they may not be a qualified teacher and may not be able to point out ways in which to improve but reading to someone else might help your confidence in your reading and you might be able to spot your own weaknesses yourself. Or, perhaps you could get together with others from your Madrasah outside of class and practice reading together.<br />
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Try to also keep using the same Quran and with little pencil marks write down next to the places you mess up. You can just underline the verse number/ word, so that the next time you read it, you remember where you had trouble.<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Someone else you could go to is your madrasah teacher</b></span>. They might have noticed you haven’t been reading as well as you could/should be and might have some ideas on how to improve. If it’s timing that appears to be the only problem then try asking them whether you could have more time for the 2 pages or whether you could reduce it to 1 page a week instead.<br />
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Also, it might be useful to have a translation copy of the Quran at hand so you know exactly what it is you’re reading. Understanding the passages on the 2 pages might help you connect with the Quran on a more personal level and lead to a better reading performance.<br />
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You can also download the surah that you are working on on your Ipod/ mobile/ computer and try playing it before you sleep. Basically, hearing it before/while you sleep, will allow your subconscious to "store" it in its memory files :)<br />
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The Quran was first revealed during the month of Ramadan and while this holy month is upon us take it as an opportunity to learn more about its revelation, the events surrounding it and what an immense blessing it is. Increasing in knowledge of the Quran and looking at ‘the bigger picture’ than just the 2 pages you’re allocated can also help understand and enhance a connection to the Quran and ultimately with our Creator, Allah (SWT).<br />
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But, don’t be discouraged by your performance. The key thing to remember is to continue reading even if you don’t feel your recitation is ‘perfect’. If your heart and intentions are in the right place and you are making an effort to read, even when reading may seem like a struggle, your efforts shall be rewarded.<br />
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<i>Aa’isha (Radiallaho anha) narrates that Rasulullah Sallallahu `alaihi wasallam once said, "One who is well versed in the Qur'an will be in the company of those angels who are scribes, noble and righteous; and one who falters in reading the Qur'an, and has to exert hard for learning, gets double the reward." (Muslim) </i><br />
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Make time for yourself and the Quran, practice as much as you can, ask others for help and even if you aren’t completely happy with your reading – do the best you can and never stop trying.<br />
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A big hug and lots of love,<br />
<br />
<img alt="" src="data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAARMAAABXCAIAAACodTYhAAALVElEQVR4nO2duXXsOgyG1cENHDpQ8AKHLsCBSnDgAlSCS2ABDm4JDG8ZDFwIS5kX/Ec4GJKiwEXL2PgiLyOJC34CBEnNcFMUpZzh7AIoykOiylGUGlQ5ilKDKkdRalDlKEoNqhxFqUGVoyg1qHIUpYafoxzvvVvw3p9dHOWKdDSSx1aO995aa4yx1qItgHOO/n52GZWT2clIHlU5zrl5no0x+ZHDez/Ps3PuoGIpV2JXI3k85aCexhj5Jc65os8rj84BRvJgyjHGTNNUEaF671U8v4RjjORhlOOcm6apZd6CMLdbgZTrcaSRPIZyrLXjOLZnzOZ57lAa5ZIcbCQPoBxjTC+LV+X8VI43kqsrZ57njuZujNGA7edxipFcWjl9WwQ3PEs5SN2o0+vOWUZysnKwIJX8V2lWUcI4jt/f31gCo1WwvTMH3vtpmsZxvL67o/XBwxqnkZ2MRDJZOlM5xphhGMZxjP/18fHRcSBBtvH9/f3Pnz9kDYS1dp7ncRznee6+bcd7P45jXZL0GNA44ODGaaS7t7ktaQbJJyuVQzsaEIFA+kHrY4/D2h0QvQzDEOcQjTGvr69dNs6g4621sOD8+AQT6WsfkE3HG3aEGkfy4T0apwUs2vS9p8RIiGLlYHUWUrH3cCEhPhmGAV5lmqZpmugqjGdJq7LW4o+N7QKzoEgD5dns+L7eH7XudbcMpQFV0DhC9giN6iAj6YvQSECZcqCQokv41jooargH+oHePj8/n56evr6+jDFCp5kk6GM8VGIomJNUPzcow66ygduHKxiGQe4NqgXQsXFagGfo7v3kRgIKlANHUVGmGO/9MAyxd+JUR2t8FRmdXXS3LsbRa1UuBtMSVAojDn4QXt64xH4F5XTPtVQYya1IOR1bLR6Pvfevr6/v7+9wTdW9i/0X+NlaCxEWNXT7pNM5V+QEhCBEwWSdaoS5orCCvHHqOD2rPk1T34ixzkhuRcrpNYjC4QQF7RW5Yq5Fo0hFUquxYxBLdDwXhIllIBiiKAOBxmkpzLnznL7TmxYjuRUpp73dAWIM/peOkevn5+fr6yua45SFiLh21ZBm1k6YYLyUV7NXD55CRyNBwzYaSVmGoL3oyUimMfgG1Bz//fffWYt3HbMCyJHkT2WVprxx0qu5aOfQ10jad5MU59Yam57HqZQdarwnwneys7OWHZBnb3+0cPEUY1Bp919qTUbCTkbSXrDi9ZyWTZO0QIsEERZ2qvuSskzB+NEu77rCUK8kEd4HDSIZXOsWi05pnDp2NZJ2avYQVG/EgE1A/bhDhQvG5gO0xdq1h01y4Po3GcdR6EaEKdc6hwPOmgEWcYCRNFK5+6ZiokkOh2eNhaMmuWwEe5sdf1jMRvmZYRj49ogiP0O3kpe5ZXfCiQGtnAOMpJHjdnxSEMJdcFA9GBzfc0A7fUobQr524dvej+OXVd26ywkjfn0RUmotpt++sLM3xxhJCwcpJxg5aNMarzZtGKVhm9/BL/vl5BZjZOdhsIOhOl0bbxSqKOqtZKEZazvyOycRNg5RV6kiEGKR9VcYyZEcpJxg5Cid82GURbxbNFhuhshYgxfakFtOp9FUwUerutVFFUq3474e+fyhulJCeOKLTKVXrnInjlBO3NxFcz7MwunzRT2HmD7vxCWzJhrtaDmfCsNV11JUiXJ81w0Kksa5tVVKAmRJ1ac5fZcFnP04QjlBMseKDw/doo3fFQF6fujK2w00s/YZDJB058aiSpIKHVdawea4LqkUWonyhxhchAUI9t1R9qLISE5hd+XEbZ0c53zqWPV8f5oKviue/2yWwaycgkJud21gy+9VQZxG10qK+v39zS/HJfJh1bHtF8nmqov71xrnJqvU19eXtRaypxw9Lxv/fFDrQDY8Ey03krPYXTmBw4knpmgvtDhvZRrRKdsYGBn+LrEVvyxTugVchZ6O78C7cA0+/G8W9fv7+/39/fn5Gb/CBK21RdHIxLZfBMWD66hLuK01jqRSb29vfDgIJo3ki/BrUGt7v+nOsZfTyo3kRPZVTuBw/P1KAkYgNGWQ3cL4Oi3MDJ5gST7ULye9+SV4BFcanEbsVZIja1wv6kJJUZ+enshK5NlnDvcMc7RnwqycS48RNs5mpeZ5fnl54a2E+Ir3L8ScrLVP7ZenfwmN5Fz2VU7Qxzz+cc5RihPdwy+smAfbZRVsXl48EHwgGMmSDsfKlkp4YkBSVHQ5xuBqt4ALYff0dzx6c05V2jj5SsU+Gb0ZzOkztZ7Wd5TLjeRcdlSOvz98i+7Hz7z7Y2PNRN4xaNxRsJMPIQ0VJjmAjYLdx//+/aMCS4pKTqx6vKSgnzcpIqtbdk9AXePkKxUnFcgt8KsytebPCpAbyensqJzAQVOgzP/uUwvwwiy+L5xk41lUmLjz8IG1TqVpAJ9vSIoKu6+WzcxeG0CTRstegzan3ivQ0jiZSvn7vAg9KL4qU+tMulluJKezo3ICh4Nfg4kmpn2B3xc6nFH8gh+687js1F6bFTw/PwfxN7qfIpxghrNZVMxAqmXDgyga1LkDWRu/qxsnUyk4BG7B5FKCYC9Ta+5V4n8JjeQK7KUc7mpvy2AZTHtghUH7CifQwf0lUDbMrqwVoIRwO957/BoUhjuczaLmndgmPP4htc/3+1+S43dL42QqFcwMnXP0yWBOn6l1pmxyI7kCeymHdzCGsTnaVZkcSz4+Pv7+/bt5/9KpNs+BTqm3QNDEFONlsrdgE/TcuEYBySQEv1u+wHzsn1NLJXZlL0xL46xVChbMHSB9zN6f+cnXek2ZRUbiL7Cws4tyKPYFU+qtyrDCoOOttZ+fn3GjUBKJ4APeJkHSNugJf79X2hiDdGocWCMty2+bKarLLrPesvYdBD+4VZzGXZvGUONI9BM0zlql3t7eaDQJSs7zbJJaJ//78vIiN5IrRG67KIcPSGtN6ZYVA7qEOjswmuQMmF+yhl9W4uIIhz7AxYA42y6v0h2jHdDx6nimqJtpOp968R/lqfgfk3P9tZiT/vv19ZUpwFrjrFVqYseQMrWQ1DqeKc33W+P405NGcgV2UU7gu/Nx8xi9D4nyQpvpVM/2YnLg5RCVxZebZb/zxPY3WLYACmsIxj+TytWuFdXcb2lbAw/FMIxSJQucvE8y5ozLVto4a5VCUWN3xH2IsNa4/7S8Oy45WBBrRnI6uyhHvhrjve/leRH7AknnufslWoRwbvkOjPiSosVZZORgoJv9jecWtYOTvQyRHl3UOEXwvs7XtNpddDSSjuyinOps0lnYrZNSbn3xLgkpE+6re8cbwXu3Dxihg9Arg7329/BUsJdyLjhItBDkBoqwO7xuZtw6FoqBoO9DY4QTj6J0zqNw6W87vAhxbqAIRFZdS3TL568Om0nPgsPVrmH/xJVR5WyTz2LtfXmMX98Dcavdi13Hpi+tWJN9FFQ520xtr4puifTWWFuoPTgBla8XLS7/SFQ527SEao2R3hrT/dck0arIwdPLNWHkE80/A1XOBo2zFEkSrAKs1Q7sG+9OyVwllYMlox+WIopR5WzQYvo7ORx+/9MNFNkIt3yLdeYEwQ9DlbNByySncYL0KNAK8g9bscmjytmg9KALkdyto/wYVDkbCN+MEWB3+4Zd5SKocjaoUI679mtdlS6ocjYoVY7K5pegytmgdIu0yuaXoMrZYPMYDPFL1jEUoMrZwAq+94LOkB1RIOUaqHK2yZ9OWzssqfxsVDnbJA9X++VLj9XV/E5UOVIse5H5tOeXHisPgSpHUWpQ5ShKDaocRalBlaMoNahyFKUGVY6i1KDKUZQaVDmKUoMqR1FqUOUoSg2qHEWpQZWjKDWochSlBlWOotSgylGUGlQ5ilKDKkdRavgfbIQG8eSFzYMAAAAASUVORK5CYII=" /> <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8458157138768641619.post-75921762215057031782013-06-25T04:54:00.005-07:002013-09-20T11:14:41.961-07:00Constantly Arguing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Salam Sisters!<br />
<br />
I am university student who has a quick question.<br />
Me and my older sister don’t get on at all and I want to make a difference but she just doesn’t listen to me at all, I try and be patient and tell her nicely but she still doesn’t listen. What should I do, she is getting married in 5 months and I will be back at Uni so won’t see her very often. How should I act toward her, I’m just so lost.<br />
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Wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo,</div>
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It's great that you want to improve your relationship with your sister! Ma'shaAllah. Now, here's the thing....you talk about 'telling her something nicely'....and wanting her to 'listen to you'. </div>
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My question is: do you listen to her? And no, I don't mean 'let the air waves carry the sound of her voice to your ears'...I mean, really LISTEN to her.</div>
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<i><span style="color: blue;">Have you ever considered her view point?</span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;">Now, I'm not talking about something that the Sharia says is haram. You didn't mention what it is exactly that you disagree on...but the thing to keep in mind is that sometimes there is more than one way to see the picture. </span><span style="color: #38761d;"><b>Perhaps you look at a zebra and think that it is black with white stripes, and she looks at it and thinks that it is white with black stripes. Neither one of you is wrong. You just see things differently.</b></span></div>
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The trouble arises when you try to force her to see it the way you see it. As human beings, we want our view points to be considered/ respected/ validated. We dislike feeling pressured into seeing things a certain way. Chances are, if you just tell her, "I can see your point but I still see things differently", that will solve a lot of trouble.</div>
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<b><span style="color: red;">Try to use these ways to express disagreement (I'm taking a couple of them from e-how :P):</span></b></div>
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<li style="border: none; clear: none; margin: 0px; padding: 6px;">"Interesting––it seems we have different points of view. Do you mind if I explain where I'm coming from?"<div style="clear: both; line-height: 0; margin: 0px; min-height: 0px; padding: 0px;">
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<li style="border: none; clear: none; margin: 0px; padding: 6px;">"Really? I've had some different experiences that make me see things a little differently. Can I tell you what I think?<div style="clear: both; line-height: 0; margin: 0px; min-height: 0px; padding: 0px;">
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<li style="border: none; clear: none; margin: 0px; padding: 6px;">"How about we try your way one time and try my way one time?"</li>
<li style="border: none; clear: none; margin: 0px; padding: 6px;">"You know, while I still think we have different approaches, I understand yours a little better now....<div style="clear: both; line-height: 0; margin: 0px; min-height: 0px; padding: 0px;">
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The other thing to do if you want your relationship to be better is to ask HER what it is that she's waiting for :)</div>
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<span style="background-color: #f9f7f1; color: #414141; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Try telling her or writing to her something like the following: I really want our relationship to be better and I'm really sorry if I've done something to hurt you. What can I do to make this situation right?"</span></div>
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<span style="color: #414141; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Remember....as siblings, you guys don't necessarily have to be best friends or see everything eye to eye. But you should be polite to each other and have a generally good relationship with each other. She should know that she can count on you and that you will <i>miss </i>her when she gets married :) Tell her that. Invite her to eat out with you at a restaurant when you're both free. Surprise her with a small gift. Thank her for the small things she does for you (things even like making you tea, etc. :P). Send her a funny joke in an email or on facebook. Give her a nice Islamic message on her mobile...whatever. She will appreciate all of these things :)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #414141; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Think of how you would treat your good friends....and treat your sister the same (if not better). Your relationship will soon improve, inshaAllah :)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #414141; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">May Allah make things easier for you,</span><br />
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Little Auntiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16279010843700950235noreply@blogger.com1