Oh, shoot. Picture problems...

I have a very small problem, but I don't know what to do and I hope you can help me. I started wearing hijab last year and alhamdillah, it's been very good. But a few days ago I found out that this person I used to be good friends with but no longer speak with put up pictures (that have me in them) on her facebook. The problem is that I'm not wearing hijab in those pictures. I'm not sure what do to. Should I let her keep them since I wasn't wearing hijab then or should I ask her to remove them? And if I should ask her to remove them, how should I do that since I no longer talk to her?
- Thanks so much for your help,

Teensy weensy shy

Dear “A Teensy Weensy Shy”

Ma’shaAllah! I am sOooO proud of you for wearing hijab, ma’shaAllah. That’s wonderful!

As for your question, I hear you. Man, oh, man, is facebook a little problema because of all the pictures on it.

I don’t have a fatwa for this, but even though you weren’t wearing hijab at the time that picture was taken, if you were SUPPOSED to be wearing hijab, you really probably should try to avoid having those pictures up there. Not only that, but you said they were pictures of you one year ago- right? You probably didn’t really change much (in terms of looks). I don’t know, but I’d feel really uncomfy with people seeing pictures of me that still clearly look like me- you get me.

So what to do… I can think of 2 options.

1. You tell a mutual friend of yours to inform her that you started wearing hijab and have asked everyone that has pictures of you not to post them on facebook/etc. Remember, there are chances that she doesn’t even know that you wear hijab.
2.  You send her a message on facebook/ or her e-mail, yourself….preferably NOT one like this:

“DEAR X,
You little scum, you. How dare you put up pictures of ME?”

That would be a huge, big, No NO! Seriously, though, I know it can be hard to think of what to say which is why I wrote a little template for you.

Dear X,
How are you? It’s been a long time, hasn’t it? I know we had some problems in the past- I’m really sorry about that. But we also had a lot of good memories, didn’t we? And lots of crazy, fun times :P

The thing is, the other day, Y was checking her FB (or however it happened- you explain) and I saw that you had put up some pictures of me. I know you might not know this, but I started wearing the hijab. (This is the veil that we Muslim girls wear as a command from God in front of male strangers). Since I’m not covered in those pics, I feel a little uncomfortable with them being on the internet. I’d really appreciate it if you could remove the pictures or even just black me out. I could even photoshop it myself (err, teensy, do you know how to do that hehe), if you want. Thank you so much.

*End of template*

Any normal person would honor such a polite request/ or honor the friendship that you once shared and immediately remove any pictures of you. If, however, she refuses, then you have a small problem. We’ll cross that bridge when that happens, though.

However, I’m not done, yet. I’d like to take the opportunity now to give some advice to our readers.

1. Be careful. Once someone takes a picture of you, you are no longer in control. You don’t where your pictures will end up. You don’t know who is looking at you, what they’re doing, how they think, etc. This might sound like the words of a paranoid aunt, but it happens. Like Teensy Weensy Shy, this is especially a big problem if you take the picture and you’re not wearing hijab (whether you actually wear the veil or not) because you might have to deal with such pictures later. It can have ‘devastating effects’….so just be careful :)


2. NEVER put up pictures of people on facebook without their permission. Seriously. Not everyone one feels comfy with pictures of them on the internet and not all parents allow the same things for their children. I know this might seem a little ‘harsh/extreme’ but just because you are friends with someone and you took a picture with them that you really like, doesn’t mean that person wants you to put that picture up. Ask them. Do they mind? Is it okay? If you don’t want to ask permission, cut them out. They have the right to decide what they want up/ don’t want.


3. My personal tip for hijabis who put up pictures of their friends who do not wear hijab. We cannot guide our friends but we are responsible to give nasiha. See, when you go walking out with your friend, it’s your friend’s decision to let people look at her and she will have to deal with that on the Day of Judgment. BUT when you put up her pictures, you are responsible for those people on your list/ in your home/whatever who look at her. Think about it. Don’t you love your friends enough that you don’t to encourage her to do wrong things?

Remember, this hadith:

"Whoever amongst you sees anything objectionable, let him change it with his hand, if he is not able, then with his tongue, and if he is not even able to do so, then with his heart, and the latter is the weakest form of faith."

When we put pictures of her up, are we really following that?

Besides, you might also want to read this: Interesting Article

OK, teensy weensy a little shy, I hope this helps you a bit. And remember readers…You’re gorgeous. You’re a diva. You’re beautiful. How could you not be when Allah created you? But be grateful to Him and honor His commands…even on your facebook,

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The FacebOokEr

"Dear Li'l Aunties,

Lately I've had a few friends tell me that they're deactivating their facebook accounts for 'Islamic reasons'. I know I spend a lot of time on FB, but I'm not sure if I really should deactivate it myself, or not. What do you think?"

Dear "FaceBooker",

This is a really good question!

I can't tell you whether you should personally delete your fb account or not, but I can provide you with some questions to help you decide. Does that sound okay to you?

1. Do you have friends on facebook or do you have 'an audience'? Think about it. Are the people on your friends list people you actually know or just random strangers you happened to add? Oh, wait! Before you answer that, let me ask you another question. Are these people 'your present friends' or just any persons you happened to know in your past? 

Why am I asking? 

Well....This  may sound cruel, but the truth is that you don't have to keep in contact with every single person you knew in your past. I mean, you are most likely not the same person you were back in kindergarten. So why add some people who you really don't have much in common with anymore (we're talking about *Islamically*)? In fact, there are some people who 'you really should say goodbye to.' Those are the people who never encouraged you to be a better Muslimah. Those are the people who 'had your back for you' but 'when you were sinning' or  doing whatever. Don't add those people to your FB list. You already gave them 'some time' of your life. Don't give them anymore....

2. If you're a hijabi, are you a hijabi online, offline or both?  Do your friends actually recognize your profile picture (if you have one- and I suggest 100 X that you DON'T  put up any pictures of yourself) or do you look (for some reason) like you're about to go to a wedding? 

It's not only about pictures, though.  Do you do what you would do in real life or do you say certain things/ post certain comments on people's profiles that you wouldn't normally do?  Are you the same *modest* person that you are in real life or are you a little 'daring' on facebook? Like have you added non-mahrams guys to your FB? Even if they're your Muslim brothers, the truth is, they aren't your biological brothers and they are non-mahrams to you. You know what translates to, right? *Delete, delete, delete....*

3. What are you a fan of? 

I know, it takes only one second but when you click that button....*like*...you're doing something really big. You're saying what you approve of and what you don't. When you click that you like some singer who sings about sex, you are flaunting your sin....and you're encouraging others to listen to it. 

The  Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, 

“All of my Ummah will be forgiven of their sins except those who flaunt their sins.”  

You want the full lecture of what I'm talking about?  Little Miss Aunty and I wrote about this very topic  in what we called "Becoming an Unfan on Facebook". 

4. How much time is a 'lot of time' on facebook?  If you're spending more than an hour.....seriously, that is way too much time. Ask yourself how much time you leave to 'memorizing new duas/ hadiths/ Qur'an?' Is it in any way proportionate to the amount of time you spend on facebook? 

5. Is your profile clear of dead flesh? Or ....do you talk about people in your statuses? Like if someone makes you angry, does everyone you know know about it? 

And finally....

6. If you were to come back, after like 10 years, and find your profile, would you be 'happy or ashamed' with what you have there? 

Well, these are the top 6 questions that I could think of :P. 

I hope you make the best decision for your deen, dunya and akhirah. May we all re-evaluate our activities and make Allah's pleasure our number one goal.

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