Dare to Dream?

i belong to a middle class family and an average student my brother tops ( mashAllah )  he  was 3rd this time in school and i was just 69 % ( 1 % to b an A Grader  =P ) , i  want to make my parents dream come true , a Dream every parent wish , i live with my Grand parents dey r my inspiration , i  want to be a Huge Computer Engineer , i want to serve humanity , i want to see my Grand father Proud , he did aloot for me it makes  me cry wen he says wht he did fr us fr livelihood . but life is hard i just cant get on Track and Study Study Study , i alwys take our time for NEt , i  what makes u to work on d track u aim for ?   and i knw d other reason is , i m not so practising islam ... n i knw Dua has power undeniable  but as of those i heard famous people dey never knew dey will be successful ,like an i mean i want to be , its  hard. and in skool u need 80 % to get scholarship so ur fee will be free for an year , dey called scholarship-ed girls parents n dey were so Proud . i want to see my mom dis way . i want to feel good dat way . i love my parents , for whatever dey did i cant pay  back but still she says work hard. and study and i kinda dont stick to dis any tips to stick to ur Aim n Prove to Fulfill the dream
- Dared to Dream High&nbsp

Dear Dare to Dream High,

Sister, I know it can be hard when the dream is so high up and it's a strenuous uphill climb to get there. You can lose your focus and aim half way and it can feel awful - especially when you so desperately want to make your family happy. The thing with these sorts of dreams though are that they'll only be worthwhile if they're for the sake of One.
Not your parents. Nor your grandparents.
Not even yourself.
Though they all are motivators...

But the main reason why you should do anything at all is for Allah. 
For His sake.

When you write down firmly in your mind that you're doing this for ALLAH, then everything you do has a greater reason behind it, inshaAllah. It becomes an intention to serve Him.

Apart from our Main and First Purpose of being here - to worship and know Allah subhana wa ta ala.
We also have our own individual purposes. We're not here as mistakes. Everything around us and within us happens for a reason. Think about the processes and all the things which whiz around in our bodies... it all happens in a perfect order. It's beautiful, alhamdulillah.

One thing about growing up is that you find out your strength - what Allah has gifted you - to use. Use for His sake.

So it you've been gifted with intelligence, or a good memory, or perseverance, or empathy, or whatever - you've got to find out how you can use it for His sake.

Also, Allah, the Most Merciful also blessed you with a mind and body, right, so don't overwork yourself! It's so easy to do that and think you're being 'lazy' if you're not working every minute of the day! But quite honestly, you need a break! Slot in a designated time for sport or relaxing or writing or anything you do to unwind or chill out! Work Hard but Play Hard too!

Abu Productive from ProductiveMuslim sent this out:

When Ibrahim (Peace be upon him) completed the structure of the Ka’bah, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) commanded him to call the people to Hajj. Ibrahim (Peace be upon him) got confused he said, “O Allah! How shall my voice reach all of those people?” Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) told him that his duty was only to give the call and it was up to Allah to make it reach the people.
Here we have a beautiful productivity lesson; don’t worry about the results/outcome of your effort, rather worry about making the effort and ensuring you do the task to the best of your ability. If Ibrahim (Peace be upon him) saw that the expected outcome of his task is impossible, he would have given up and there would have been no Hajj. But, he relied upon Allah & did his best, he climbed Mount Arafat and called out in his loudest voice, “O People! Verily Allah has prescribed upon you Hajj, so perform Hajj.”
Every human being on earth at that time heard that call and Hajj began since that day. Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) revealed in the Qur’an: “And proclaim the Hajj among mankind. They will come to thee on foot and (mounted) on every camel, lean on account of journeys through deep and distant mountain highways” (Surat Al-Hajj, Ayat 28).

We should never stop ourselves from making the necessary effort to achieve something just because we think the results are impossible to achieve.
Do your part and leave the rest upon Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala).

I think that sums if up pretty well, honey.

Look, achieving your goals is always an uphill mission. But with faith, anything is possible. Ask Allah for anything and everything and only ask Him. He has a plan for you dear sister and you've got to trust that. Try your best and Trust Him.

and that 'little extra' is simply faith.

But it's not how high your build your dreams that makes the difference, but how high your faith can climb. 

Don't fret, honey! You can do this if you allow yourself to believe you can. So Smile <3 (:

Read more...

The Non-Muslim Guy Friend Crush Thing.

I live in America, in a city where there aren't that many Muslims. I know that we're not supposed to have a relationship with a guy before marriage. Alahmdillah, I have not done that. I love our religion and I love explaining it to people. My problem though is that I kind of have a crush on a guy who isn't Muslim. There are also some rumors that he may like me, too. A part of me wants to believe that we are meant for each other, that maybe I'll help him convert to Islam. Another part of me knows that he's not interested in religion and maybe even doubts God's existence. I'm just kind of in a crossroads right now. How do I get over this crush?

Dearest "Crushed",

Tell me about it. Our brains know one thing and our hearts say another....It can be real really confusing when you're in that kind of situation, especially with the popular media's emphasis on "love". "He drives me crazy. But I can't live without him." You know, the whole love is a drug kinda thing. Sometimes, you actually find yourself wanting to be swept up in that 'craze'...you want to 'fall into this *delicious torture* as the media depicts it. You want to be 'in love'. (Note: when I say "you", I do not mean you, personally. I'm talking about any sister reading this :P)

That's why, we gotta throw out those 'romance books' and 'romantic comedies' away. (Note: When I say away, I do not mean under your bed but seriously far away. It's fun making notes, hehe :P)

But anyways, before I go off on a rant here, let's get back tot he topic. How do you get over this guy?

1. Well, think about it this way. What is it that you really like about this guy? Is it how special he makes you feel? And maybe how beautiful you feel when you're around him? You see, I think it's really easy to fall in love with the special way a person treats us. So, this guy makes you feel special and different and pretty and all that..And you really are all that, but you're that without the guy. The question is, do you really know that?

2. Don't think about the similarities you share with him and just think a bit about the differences. And what those differences entail. You need someone who will honor and cherish both sides of you as an American Muslim. Someone who will understand your sense of humor but who will also help you wake up for fajr time. Someone who will eat brownies with you while you listen to a nice Islamic lecture. Someone who will want your children to learn about Allah, teach them how to pray and at the same time, do the hokey pokey and all that. You get what I'm saying? Someone whose love for you will exceed this world- who will do their best to protect you and let you achieve the gardens of bliss in the Hereafter. Someone who wants to be with you under the Throne of Allah with the prophets.

3. Don't give it too much importance. It's just a crush. As cruel as that sounds, just keep reminding yourself that this feeling is going to go away. That's what crushes do. They fade with time :)

But, in the meantime, what you can do instead is try and busy yourself with something. Why not take the time now to seek knowledge? Or get a new hobby- graphic designing/ blogging/ poetry writing. The more things you have to do, the less time you have to daydream about him.


What about "converting him"?

Well, honey, dawah is a great thing to do, but remember, there is a way to do it. If you really want him to learn more about Islam, you can make dua for him and ask your brother/ some brothers to talk to him about it/ invite him to any MSA events. But whether or not, he does convert, it's not up to you...It's not about how much you talk to him. Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala guides whom He wills. I know how tempting it can be to think that "but, maybe he'll understand from me...he'll convert for me"...but sweetie...remember our post on "the best intentions?"

Remember, he's a non-Muslim and if you do get into a relationship with him, then you are deliberately setting yourself and him up for disaster (heart break). I mean, besides being haram, you are being unfair to him. Think about that :)

And finally, the truth is that we cannot always help our feelings, crushes included. But we can control our behavior. In Islam, we are held accountable on what we do with those feelings- if we act upon them. So maintain your modesty, resist the urge to flirt or do anything of that kind, and pray for a wonderful husband :)

Lots of love,

Read more...

What do you know?

Asalamu aliakaum!

So, sisters....what do you know about Dhul Hija? What should we do? What's so important about these days?

Here's your chance to share what YOU know and get some ajr!

Lots of LOVE!

Read more...

Those whispers....

I don't know what to say but sometimes I get these really terrible ideas in my head. I think things that istagfirAllah really are wrong and I worry that I'm not even a Muslim. I'm always doubting myself and thinking I am a hypocrite. I'm scared to meet Allah with these thoughts. Sometimes also I get these doubts in the middle of my prayer and I think about just stopping my prayer right then and there..like how can I pray to Allah with these thoughts and also I get so confused what part of salah I did and didn't do. Please help.

Dear In Need of Help,

First of all, sis, it sounds like you're suffering waswas. But, let me give you some really good good news. You, inshaAllah, are on the right path. 

Muslim (132) narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: “Some of the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to him and said, ‘We find things in our hearts that none of us would dare to utter out loud.’ He said, ‘Do you really find that?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘That is clear faith.’”

Yes, darling. You read that sentence right.  Allah has given you this test because inshaAllah you are among those with real faith. Don't think otherwise. You see, if you had been for example a 'hypocrite' you wouldn't even be scared of the Hereafter or scared about your faith. Being scared about your faith is a sign of a real believer, inshaAllah :)

Think of this as jihad. This is your struggle. Maybe it is your ticket to paradise. InshaAllah you will be rewarded for all that you are patiently going through. 

Shaykh al-Islam (Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 7/282) explaining the hadith about 'this is clear faith' said: “In other words, the fact that this waswaas was happening and they disliked it so much and pushed it away from their hearts is clear faith, like the mujaahid to whom the enemy comes and he resists him until he defeats him, and this is the greatest form of jihad. Clear (sareeh) means pure, like pure milk. It becomes clear and pure because they hated those devilish whispers and warded them off, so their faith became pure and clear.” 

What do you have to do? Keep pushing these thought away. Keep ignoring them. 

And don't EVER EVER give up ibadaat because of this. Shaytaan does this to scare you--- he tries to convince you to leave your salaah. Don't listen to him.  Remind yourself that this is a trick of Shaytaan. He doesn't want you to bow down to Allah.  Just keep praying and tell Allah that you are struggling to please him.

Let's take a look at some other hadiths:

Muslim (3203) narrated that ‘Uthmaan ibn Abi’l-‘Aas came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, the Shaytaan is coming between me and my prayer and making me confused in my recitation.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “That is a devil called Khanzab. If you feel his presence, then seek refuge with Allaah from him and spit drily to your left three times.” [‘Uthmaan] said: “I did that and Allaah took him away from me.” 

Al-Bukhaari (3276) and Muslim (134) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘The Shaytaan comes to some of you and says, “Who created such and such? Who created such and such?” – until he says, “Who created your Lord?” If that happens, then let him seek refuge with Allaah and stop thinking about that.’” 

Al-Bukhaari (1231) and Muslim (389) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When the call for prayer is given, the Shaytaan runs away, breaking wind loudly so as not to hear the adhaan. When the adhaan ends, he comes back. When the iqaamah is made, he runs away, then when the iqaamah ends, he comes back to distract a man from his prayer, saying, “Remember such and such,” things that the man did not remember, until he does not know how many rak’ahs he has prayed. If one of you does not know how many rak’ahs he has prayed, whether it is three or four, then let him do two prostrations whilst he is sitting.”

Ibn Taymiyyah also said:(Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 14/108): 
“This waswasah is something that enters the heart not by a person’s choice, and if a person hates it and shuns it, this hatred of it is clear faith.” 

I'm copy pasting this from  

  http://www.islam-qa.com/en/cat/2022

And he said in Dar’ al-Ta’aarud, 3/318:
“This waswaas may be gotten rid of by seeking refuge with Allaah and ignoring it, so that if [the Shaytaan] says, ‘you did not wash your face,’ you should say, ‘Yes, I did wash my face;’ if he thinks that he did not form the intention (for prayer) or say Allaahu akbar, he should say in his heart, ‘Yes I did form the intention and say Allaahu akbar.’ He should cling steadfastly to the truth and ward off the waswaas that goes against it, so that the Shaytaan will see how strong and steadfast he is in adhering to the truth, and will leave him alone. Otherwise when he [the Shaytaan] sees that he is influenced by doubts and responsive to waswaas, he will send him more waswaas until he will be unable to resist and his heart will become receptive to the seductive whispers of the devils of the jinn and of mankind, and he will move from one thing to another until the Shaytaan drives him to his doom. 

Based on the above, we may say that a man will be rewarded for resisting this waswaas and for striving against the Shaytaan for a number of reasons: 

1 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) praised the feeling of hatred towards the waswaas that had to do with doubts concerning belief (‘aqeedah), when he said, “That is clear faith.” One of things implied by the hatred of this waswaas is that one turns away from it and does not get carried away with it.
2 – Obeying the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Let him stop it.”
3 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said concerning the prostration of forgetfulness (sajdat al-sahw): “They will annoy the Shaytaan.” This implies encouragement to annoy and humiliate the Shaytaan. Annoying him here means turning away from this waswaas and not paying any attention to it. This is in addition to the fact that Allaah and His Messenger have taught us to seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan, etc.
4 – The difficulties and distress that the believer may suffer as a result of this waswaas may be included in the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “No Muslim suffers tiredness, exhaustion, worry, grief, annoyance or distress, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will expiate some of his sins thereby.”
(al-Bukhaari, 2573; Muslim, 5642).
5 – Shaykh al-Islam (Ibn Taymiyah – may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “like the mujaahid to whom the enemy comes and he resists him until he defeats him, and this is the greatest form of jihad.” The fact that he likens him to a mujaahid and describes this as the greatest form of jihad may be understood to mean that he will be rewarded for that.
And Allaah knows best. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and all his family and companions.


Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

May Allah ease your situation, sis.

Lots of love,

Read more...

A Change of Attitude

So I have an issue and my issue is that I know I am mean. I tend to be really rude a lot of the time and I say too much. I try to watch out for what im saying but I don't really know how. And it's become such a habit I don't know if I can stop. My mom says everything about me is good except for my mouth. I open it and it ruins everything.I have a habit of complaining a lot too like if you ask me to do something I'll do it but complain the entire time I'm doing it.Sometimes I feel like I'm actually changing a bit for the better but the people around me will answer me back like they usually do when I'm rude(and i know i deserve that).They'll also ask what's wrong with me and why am I faking. I don't know what to say to them. I would feel weird just saying I'm trying to change. I don't know what to do anymore.I just know I really want to change..A sister in need of an attitude adjustment.

Dear Sis,

Your mail makes me have such respect for you. You want to change. You are ready for a difference in yourself and thus in your life. Sis, that is THE hardest part.

I'm sorry that other people have been thinking you're faking when you're sincerely trying. But this isn't about them, is it. It's about YOU and YOUR STATE in from of ALLAH. :D

Change is a strange thing. And without it we wouldn't grow as people, we wouldn't get stronger, we wouldn't adapt.

I've also heard somewhere:

without change there would be no butterflies

it's true though isn't it! Despite the fact that we as human beings tend to avoid change we don't always realise what an amazing fact of life it is. Now, this change will take time. That's why people aren't used to it, because it might not have been long enough.

What I suggest is that you do a self-analysis; split your page in two and write down words which describe the sort of person YOU think YOU are. Then on the other side, write down words which describe the sort of person you WANT to be. Look at the words on either side of the page. How can you get to where you want... What certain aspects of your life do you feel you need to change?

Then, make a target. So for example for a whole week you're not going to answer back. Once you complete a week of that, do two things the next week. So not answering back and not complaining. For every two targets completed do something! Go shopping, bake yourself a cake - anything! (:

Try to also make your own brand new dictionary. Try to write down polite ways for you to disagree with others or say your opinion. For instance, instead of saying "That is so stupid", you could say "I have to say I see things differently".... You can also write down 10 nice phrases that you want to use and challenge yourself to find ways and times to say these nice things. Things like:
- "Thank you. '
- That was really helpful of you
- What a pretty bag.....
etc.

Most of all, it's gonna take time and patience. Patience with yourself and with others. But don't feel like you've been patient for too long, because it's not true. When you make an effort to change what's within you, Allah will change your life, inshaAllah.

"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." - (13:11).

Please don't give up. Keep praying. Don't beat yourself up about it, 'Islam is not a state of being, but a process of becoming'.

Simply breathe, repent and try again. Even when it feels like you have no more energy to try again - find some. Because you do have it.

Much love to you as you embark on the voyage of change. <3

Read more...

A Small Note to the Ones who said NO.

On behalf of my sisters out there...I present a small note to "X-Suitor and His Mother".

Dear X-Suitor and His Mother,

So you might think that this is a last desperate attempt to get you back. It isn't. It's a sincere thank you note.

When you "turned me down" because of the color my skin, you revealed your own true colors. You did me a favor I can't even begin to thank you for. Color? Are you serious?!

When you turned me down because of how "big" I was- yeah, I'm a real lady and real women don't come in size 0- you showed just how small and narrow minded you really were.

You "turning me down" was the best thing that could have happened to me.

But, for your sake, I thought I'd help you out a little.

I thought I'd warn you- because when you were examining me like a piece of merchandise- you were examining the perfect handiwork of Allah. You were finding fault with what Allah had fashioned.

And "Auntie"...next time you enter someone's house, just think of your own daughter. Some day, somebody's going to enter her house...How would you like them to treat her?

Signed,
Ever Grateful.


---

Readers- what would you like to tell any x-suitors and their mothers? What lessons can we learn from those experiences?

Read more...

My Best Friend's Getting Hitched.

Asalamualaikum Little Aunties (:

I am a teen and I have re-discovered my Islam for three years now, Alhamdulilah. I think I am doing pretty well, I try my best to be the best Muslimah I can be. I love Islam so much, I love to have Iman rushes, they make me so…happy…Alhamdulilah. Last year, I met someone like myself, she had the same goals as me and always greeted me with a loving smile. We would always drive to seminars together, and talk about Allah. As the year went on we became really close. She always told me she loved me like a sister, I always told her I love her too. I really did, and I really do. Anyways, one day her parents told me about the man (Husband) they found for her daughter. My heart broke. I don’t know why but I don’t want her to get married. I don’t want her to have to spend time with him. I couldn’t admit it to myself until now, but I wanted her to myself. I feel really selfish. Reeaaally selfish. Especially because I can sense a hint of excitement in her voice. And I cant explain my feelings. I honesly cant explain my feelings.I don’t understand why I feel this way towards her…I think its hindering my relationship with Allah. And I don’t want that…because I really love Allah so much. I want more that anything to please Allah and be really close to him. I cant seem to understand myself. I really don’t know what to do now…please help me.

~ConfusedCupcake

Dearest Confused Cupcake,

First of all, I want to reassure you that you're absolutely normal. I know the media spins the word 'homosexuality' a lot- so much- that many of us end up harboring fears/worries that we're not normal. If that happens to you, just ask yourself "Did you ever feel attracted to women before you met your friend?" I bet you didn't...

You know why?

This actually isn't really about her. This is about YOU.

You see, as human beings, we fear change. It unsettles us. You were used to- comfortable- happy with your life....All of a sudden, your 'best friend'- the person who understood you the most- is getting married and you feel like you're being left alone...like she's leaving you behind.... You're scared of what's going to happen and you're scared of being alone. Who are you going to hang out with now? Is she going to forget you? What are you going to do now?

So, naturally, you just don't want her to get married.

I'll let you in a little secret. When my twin had a proposal, I also didn't want her to get married. I felt terrible all the time- guilty that I wasn't sharing in her happiness- lonely- sad- but most of all scared...worried that if she got married, I'd be stuck all alone. So believe me, when I tell you that this is normal.

That said, hun, you do gotta stop for a second and just breathe in and breathe out.

1. You have to understand that 'marriage' doesn't necessarily end a friendship. She can still be your best friend. I have very close married friends. Maybe you won't see her as much, but friendship isn't based on your marital status. It is based on being there for each other. Be there for her now and you will find her there for you. Support her/ offer to go shopping with her/ help her pick her wedding invitations and dress/ whatever....Because that's what friendship is based on: communication, trust and support.

If your friend finds you at her side, helping her through her own mixed up and tangled emotions, chances are your friendship is truly going to blossom into an even maturer friendship..a friendship based on mutual support..a friendship where you give rather than 'receive'... a true sisterhood. Besides, believe me, if she's not working, when her husband is at work and she's stuck at home all day, she's going to wish that there's someone to talk to..and if she finds you at her side, she's going to turn to you again :)

If you, on the other hand, refuse to let her voice her excitement about this new stage in her life- if you sit down, all clam shut and sulky- you're the one ending the friendship. Seriously, ask yourself: "Is her marriage taking her away from me or is it my own actions that are doing that?"

2. Think about 3 reasons why this marriage is a good thing. Stop thinking about why you're unhappy. Sit down and consider things from your friend's point of view and think about why this is a good match.

3. Trust that no matter what happens, you will never be alone. Allah is always near the believers (in His mercy, power, etc.). Not only that, but think about just 2 years ago- before you knew this sister. Who sent her to you? Allah! Be grateful to Him and be open to His plan. Maybe if you're thankful and turn to Him, He will also send you more amazing sisters :)

I mean, since you're a teen but you're driving, it seems like you might be starting university or have started it already? Maybe you'll meet some other new sisters next semester who will also be very close to you. You can try joining the MSA or whatnot :)


Also trust that your turn will come and that one day you will also marry, inshaAllah...:)

And finally....
 4: Don't ever build your life around one person alone because, no matter how wonderful or perfect that person is, that person is just a person....One day, they will be gone (whether they pass away or move somewhere or you end up growing in different directions). Remember these verses:

Everyone upon the earth will perish, (26) And there will remain the Face of your Lord, Owner of Majesty and Honor. (27) So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? (28) Whoever is within the heavens and earth asks Him; every day He is bringing about a matter. (29) So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? (30) (Surat Ar Rahman).

This is something difficult to do when "Allah" seems like an abstract Being. That's why it's important to read more about Allah's attributes to understand just how Perfect He is. Talk to Him about your own feelings.

This is also a good link for you to read. http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/people-leave-each-other-but-do-they-return/

I hope inshaAllah this helps you a bit!
Lots of love,
Little auntie

---
UPDATE

Asalamualaikum Little Auntie <3 JazakAllahuakaiiirrrun <333 yes, thats exactly how i feel. Im glad you understood me when i couldnt understand myself, im relieved. Alhamdulilah :) And your right, i was scarerd. Reaalllly scared. It turns out, she was scared too. Even more scared than me. She talked to me about it and started crying. I told her what you told me, that we would still have time for each other and that change is okay ^_^ She told me about her husband-to-be and she seems to really love him, he is a really good muslim MashaAllah. i am happy for her, now that i can stop thinking about myself...i really am happy for her. And i told her that. And heres the best part. i got a proposal. actually, i got two! and my parents really likes one on the men for me... AllahuAkbr...inshaAllah Kair :) Make dua for me And my Friend ^_^

Read more...