Feeling Down about Hijab?

Asalamu alaikum Auntie!

I just want to say thank you so much again for your blog :) Auntie I am scared right now about what is going through my head because I am actually thinking about actually taking a little time off from wearing hijab. I feel so ashamed that this thought is going through my head because since I started wearing hijab 9 months ago, I have never felt so beautiful in my life and content with who I am as a person. The reason for these thoughts is because I am planning to study abroad in France the upcoming year. And I guess the truth is I am afraid to wear hijab there because of the huge islamophobia issue going on there today. I guess I kind of want to fit in when I go there and not feel isolated by them since I do not have family in France nor anyone that I know well. I am so sad that I am contemplating this after Allah swt  helped and guided me to actually have the courage to wear hijab. This winter break was the fast time that I travelled internationally wearing hijab and I was really excited. But when I was entering back into the U.S and going through security they actually has someone come and pat my hijab in front of everyone. I don't know why, but when this happened I actually started to cry. I have never had something like that happen to me before I am not sure if I can do it again I guess.I felt so hurt and honestly a little disrespected that the hijab to them is somethin that cannot be trusted. I feel like a coward for wanting to take it off while studying abroad in France. Right now my heart feels so restless and I am ashamed because I truly want to live my life only to please Allah swt. I would truly be thankful for any advice that you provide.

Wa'alaikum salam wa rahmatullah!

Alhamdulillah, I'm really happy to hear that you started wearing hijab recently. May Allah (swt) grant you strength and steadfastness. 

Aww, I'm sorry for what you had to go through at airport security, sweetie. Let me give you a *virtual* hug. :)

Let's take a look at this hadith:

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Islam initiated as something strange, and it will revert to its (old position) of being strange. So, glad tidings to the stranger!” [Muslim]

Keeping this hadith in mind, in reality, we have something to celebrate! Here we are, following the teachings of the only perfect man to walk this Earth. Rasulullah (sallalahu 'alaihi wa sallam) also said:

The Prophet said: 'Whoever loves my way of life (Sunnah) loves me, and whoever loves me will be with me in Paradise.' (Sunan At-Tirmidhî)

What reward can be greater than that of promised, eternal paradise? :)

You see, sister, it's completely natural to get bogged down by this. You feel different physically. Everyone around us is dressed in the least amount of clothes possible. 

Islamophobia is going on everywhere these days. France is just one of the countries. Let me tell you something. I just recently moved from Michigan (a state populated by Muslims) to central Pennsylvania (where many students are from areas where they've never even seen a Person of Color or another race), so it was a big change moving here. It was awkward and uncomfortable at times. I even contemplated taking off my niqab for a bit. But then I spoke with somebosy who told me that this is the actual test. When I was back home at Michigan, it was just a trial run. Allah (swt) gave me that opportunity and now I was being put to test. Of course things are easy when there's no obstacle in the way, but when there is, that is when you know that you're being tested by Allah (swt). and we already know that we're strangers in this world, so let's just take it with the flow. Yes, people will look at you weird: smile at them. You take the iinitiative to break the stereotype! But take this as an opportunity for growth as an individual, as a person. I can tell you this--I would not be the person I am had I not started wearing niqab. It pushed me to my limits. It forced me to be more open and confident and social. You'll learn so much  about yourself. 

And bear in mind to keep your intentions straight. We're wearing hijab in order to fulfill a commandment of Allah (swt). If we do something solely for Him, we'll see that it will become easier inshaAllah. Remmeber to talk to Allah (swt) in duaa. tell him of your struggles in the last third of the night during tahujjud time. Ask Him to make this easy for you.

Lastly, don't be too worried about others' reactions. You might be surprised at the reactions you get. Too often, we focus only on the negative remarks we get from a few ignorant people. The truth is, the majority of people will be accepting and might even admire you for your devotion to your faith. Your hijab will serve as a shield for you, as a protection of sorts. You'll be respected by others. There's a reason why Islam is the fastest growing religion today. Just recently, a professor showed something somewhat inappropriate in class (vulgar language and such) and later, he sent me a private email apologizing for the content knowing it didn't conform to my Islamic values. He didn't necessarily know much about my religion. He "read" it based off my way of dress and mannerism.

One last thing, when you go to France, try making friends with like-minded individuals (Muslims perhaps), with people you feel comfortable with, who share the same beliefs and values as you do, who won't pressure you into doing something you shouldn't do.

So don't be too worried. You'll be okay, inshaAllah! We're all making duaa for you!

--Apple Blossoms 

P.S: Be sure to check out www.igotitcovered.org! I think you'll love it! 

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Beautiful Inside and Out.

Before I start, can I just say that I absolutely love your blog! I only discovered it relatively recently and I am so glad I did, I check it every day. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your knowledge and advice...may Allah bless you

Anyways, on to my problem. So you can understand it I have to explain a bit about myself. You see I haven't been the best Muslim, I am ashamed to say, I did so many bad things..but alhamdulillah, God took mercy on me and brought me to the realisation that I have to change. And I have been trying but it is quite hard...(by the way, your article on forgiveness really helped...it actually moved me to tears..thank you so much)

So, you won't be surprised to hear I am not a hijabi. And I am really trying to become one. Now you're probably thinking 'Not another question on hijab! We've already answered so many!' And I have read them all, and they are wonderful answers, but they don't address my specific issue. You see, some days I feel so clear and certain that I want to wear hijab, but then the next day I just don't want to think about it and I can't convince myself that I really want to wear it. Now, you can never hide the truth from yourself for too long and I know why I can't commit to hijab...

I am ashamed to say, I have too much vanity and pride in my appearance. It is hard to admit that...but I know that the reason I dislike the thought of hijab is I like having my hair down and wearing makeup and looking 'pretty'. Now I know you can still look pretty with hijab- mash'Allah I see so many pretty girls in hijab and they all look more beautiful because they look modest and pure. And sometimes, I dislike having my hair down and not wearing hijab, it feels 'flashy' and immodest. And sometimes I feel sad that people don't recognise me as a Muslim...

But, I don't know, I can't make that feeling last! Please help me to stop being vain and shallow, please tell me how to stop caring about how I look and to stop trying to look 'pretty' and 'attractive. Please tell me a way to stop caring too much for dunya not akhira. I really want to change, I keep getting scared I will be too late...

Thank you

Assalamu Alaykum sis,

First off I want to sincerely apologise greatly for my bad manners - I'm really sorry this reply is so late and I have no excuse. I ask you to forgive me.
Secondly, I want to tell you that I have a lot of respect for you. You are so concerned about your deen and it is a lesson to us all, myself firstly.

As for your question, I am sure that many of the sisters on this site can relate to it. And us 'aunties' sure as heck would never think "Oh, no, not another hijab question!" Instead, I can understand how you feel like you're on a roller coaster with your decision to wear hijab and it's probably really frustrating. Some days you're all for it and other days the opposite. You say this is because you like to look 'pretty' with your hair down etc and I understand this. As girls, who doesn't want to put on some mascara and get the straighteners out. And I'm not saying you shouldn't... Muslimahs aren't restricted in looking pretty, as you well know.

But the thing is, darling, did you ever think about the fact that you are much more than your body? That you have a beautiful soul? And that by covering your outer beauty, your inner beauty sparkles and shines through? (I don't mean that this should be drawing attention to yourself extensively with non-mahrams, though.)

But, think about it. How much do you really value the real YOU? The person behind the hair, skin, figure, etc.?

The truth is that once you cover and understand that the things on the outside should be covered, you will value yourself as a human being and as Allah's chosen vicegerent (khalifa!) on this earth.

And you will come to appreciate these blessings and hopefully succeed in the trials that Allah has given you. Your beautiful hair and gorgeous figure, ma'shaAllah ta'baraka Allah—you didn't actually create them, yourself, did you?

Allah subhanoo wa' Tala did. He gave it to you perhaps as a blessing and perhaps as a trial…Would you obey Him in these blessings?

Sister, when you walk out on the street and you see yourself as beautiful, ask yourself the important questions:

"How does Allah see me, now?" "Am I beautiful in His eyes? What does Allah think?"

You see, Allah doesn't look as your form. He already created it (beautifully and perfectly)…Instead, He looks to the inside.

On the authority of Abu Huraira (Radi Allah Anhu) with some addition (and it is this):

"Verily Allah does not look to your bodies nor to your faces but He looks to your hearts (deeds),"

And he pointed towards the heart with his fingers.

Just imagine if Allah found your heart to be beautiful. Imagine if Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem found that you had worked in purifying your heart for Him!

You know how amazing you feel when you get that compliment from the 'coolest girl' on your stylish haircut/ cute outfit….Imagine how amazing it would feel to know that Allah is calling out your name to the angels to love you because you had obeyed Him and put Him above your desires:

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) said, "When Allah loves a slave, calls out Jibril and says: `I love so-and-so; so love him'. Then Jibril loves him. After that he (Jibril) announces to the inhabitants of heavens that Allah loves so-and-so; so love him; and the inhabitants of the heavens (the angels) also love him and then make people on earth love him".

Forget about impressing people by your 'looks'. If you've got Allah on your side, if you work to reach Allah's love, you will find people really loving you (not all ' "Wow, you look great, *scratch/ claws come out when you turn your back).

I know what you're thinking.That's easy to say but maybe hard to do.

You've already shown at the end of your question that you know what your problem is (and I applaud you for this): 'caring too much for dunya not akhira'.

Honey, this is something many people struggle with because of the flash ''opportunity'' dunya offers us.

Shaykh Samir An-Nass said the best way to deal with these sorts of desires is to ''train'' yourself. Stick a note 'DEEN NOT DUNYA' somewhere in your room like your mirror or near your bed. Keep reminding yourself of the truest of true beauty you harbour. And that's your Deen. That is the single most beautiful thing about a Muslim. And it can be seen through the choices you make in your appearance. Every time you pray salah, ask Allah the Most Merciful, the Turner of Hearts to turn your Heart to Him and to His obedience more and more and more, inshaAllah.

You need to know that change is a funny thing...and there's a moment just before the change happens. This moment is like someone or something grabbing you by the arm and pulling you back. Back to the past. Your mind knows that you should go forward but you're being pulled back, back to the old mindset. Back to the memory of feeling good. It's vital that in this moment you pull out the strength which you do have in you. The strength you do have because it's the strength of your deen. Say to yourself 'DEEN. NOT DUNYA' Because if I give you one piece of advice, it's to never go backwards once you decide to change for the sake of Allah. Never.

The road may begin to be bumpy but the rewards and ultimately, happiness, you receive after is beautiful. It's different to the happiness before and that's why you don't feel like you want it.

Starting Hijab may feel daunting; what will people say, what will they think, school, work, family, friends, strangers. And it's a lot easier said than done to simply shrug them off. When I started hijab, a few people did stare. Many asked questions. Many were shocked (lol). But I took every day as it came. As an amazing friend told me: ''It's all about baby steps''. You have to walk before you run, right. (:

I do hope you decide to wear Hijab soon. You could organise a gathering with a bunch of friends and dress-up etc. (Strictly girls only of course ;) ) And talk to them about your decision. Remember covering isn't making your ugly. It doesn't rid you of physical beauty, merely covers it. Because it's valuable; as are you <3.

I've never seen you, sister. And I may never in this life. But I know you are beautiful;

So smile <3 (:!

And please see this video. It might help :)

Remember: Deen Not Dunya.
.

P.S. Once again, I'm sorry this is over a month late. :(

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Why? Oh, why, do you wear that?

Asalamu 'Alaikum Sisters :)
I love this blog, I can relate to majority of the things posted on here, but this time the problem I'm having isn't really on here, I think.
Alhamdulillah. I've been wearing hijab my entire life, I've been wearing an abaya & jilbab for a while now, and I think I'm ready for niqab, the problem is with my family... they seem to think that the only reason why I cover up so much is because I'm over weight, and it's really starting to get to me, especially since that's not the case, I am a bit chubby, but tall, so it isn't really obvious, and I'm trying so hard to look after myself, and the fact that my family assumes my modest clothing is because of the fact that I'm ashamed of my weight really hurts me and discourages me, to continue in anything... I'd really appreciate if you could help me with any advice you have, so I can continue on without having my motives questioned. Jazakulah Khairun in advance
Discouarged

wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo!

Dearest Discouraged,

awww, sis. Let me offer you a real big hug! I'm really proud of you for choosing to wear jilbab, and even thinking of niqab :)

As for your question, you know, for a real long time, I was in that same boat. (You might even find my signature on it, if you look really hard..I was on it for that long, LOL.)

You see, certain members of my family were convinced that I wore the niqab because I was living in the Gulf. So, a lot of them would talk to me like it was some kind of phase that I was going through, (LOL).

Yeah, that sure was annoying and frustrating....

But you know what? You have to understand what the real issue is.

The real issue here is not your new wardrobe (jilbab). What your family is really struggling to accept is this 'new side of you'. They are having trouble coming to terms with this 'side' of you that sees' 'religion' a little differently from them.

Think about it.

Your parents/family/siblings have known you since you were itty bitty. It's hard for them to realize that maybe they don't 100% know you.

There's another aspect to it, too.

Unfortunately, a lot of our families have pre-conceived notions/ stereotypes about jilbabis/niqabois. They think that 'they're backwards/ won't find husbands/whatever'....

When you willingly go and dress like that...well, they just can't understand that. To them, it's like you decided to go outside with unmatching and rumpled clothes. It just doesn't make sense to them.

So..what to do?

1. Ask yourself why are you doing it?

Sit down for a few moments and think about it.

If it's for Allah's pleasure, then, it doesn't matter what other people think you are doing it for, does it?

I mean, let's imagine someone entered the bathroom when you doing wudu and saw you washing your feet.

  Non-Muslims would probably be like "Okay. She must have like some seriously dirty feet/ no water/something."

But would their confusion/ not understanding why you do something, stop you from praying?

(It sure as heck shouldn't!).

It's the same thing here.

You're wearing the jilbab is an act of worship meant for Allah, and not anyone else.

Once you've made certain that this is sincerely for Allah, think of this as a test of your sincerity. It's hard when you feel like no one is 'on your side' and like nobody's encouraging you to go on, but just remind yourself that means even more that your action is only for Allah. Nobody has forced you or even encouraged you- this is an action solely done for the sake of Allah alone. That's rare! So hold on to it. It could even be your ticket to paradise.

They [are those who] fulfill [their] vows and fear a Day whose evil will be widespread. (7) And they give food in spite of love for it to the needy, the orphan, and the captive, (8) [Saying], "We feed you only for the countenance of Allah. We wish not from you reward or gratitude. (9) Indeed, We fear from our Lord a Day austere and distressful." (10) So Allah will protect them from the evil of that Day and give them radiance and happiness (11) And will reward them for what they patiently endured [with] a garden [in Paradise] and silk [garments]. (12) (Sura 76)

Remind yourself of Bilal, under the rock, saying, "Ahud, Ahud". That is what your jilbab is proclaiming. There is One Lord, alone, and He alone is worhty of your worship.

2. Invite their Questioning.

I know, you're fed up of their questions, but you have to accept the fact they are going to ask you questions or else they are going to keep assuming they know the reason why you're wearing it. You can make things easier, by 'inviting' questions.

One way I found helpful is that I would seize Fridays as my 'dress up days'. I would make sure to look extra nice- wear some jewlrey- a nice outfit- maybe a touch of lip gloss...

If your family is anything like my family, they'll be like "Who are you?!!" Just kidding.

 They'd be like "Wow, you look great. Why don't you go out like that? It's such a shame no one sees your pretty clothes."

That's when you pounce! :P You seize the chance to talk about how you are wearing the jilbab for the sake of Allah and that you find it to be the most modest hijab out fit/ and how you hope that Allah will appreciate your covering yourself up for His sake and reward you with something so much better. You tell them clearly that you're wearing it because you do not want to be prioritizing this temporary world over the Hereafter. Tell them something like "For me, the jilbab is a constant reminder of my Creator and my purpose in life. The jilbab draws the line for me and helps keep me in check."

In fact, don't just stop at the 'jilbab'. You should think of their questioning as a dawah opportunity. Why not talk more to them about Allah? Paradise? The companions and their struggles? Your jilbab can become a means to bring people closer to Islam, inshaAllah. Share with them what inspires you to worship Allah and what you love about Islam! Putting up simple reminders and lectures for your siblings on facebook, sharing with your family a nice hadith, etc. are also ways that might help.

3. Celebrate
Another way to invite their questioning-- if you're seriously thinking of wearing niqab, is to throw a little 'niqab party'. Really. When I began to wear niqab, I had a little get-together with my friends. IF you show your family that you are celebrating your ability to take this step (jilbab/ niqab/ whatever), they'll understand that you are not doing it out of shame.
And besides, it will probably boost your mood :) Have some friends over, talk about what you're going to do, why you decided to do it, try it on, get used to it....have friends that have already worn it, talk about their best and most inspiring moments...

4. It's an Attitude
Remember, that your 'modesty' should also be reflected in your behavior and not just your clothes. (Something I need to be reminded of!). When your family sees you remembering Allah in everything, what you talk about, what you watch, what you do, they'll realize that your clothing is also another part of your striving to be more God conscious, inshaAllah.

Another way you can do this is by asking your family to help you become a better Muslimah. Explain that you want your whole family- all of you- to be in jannah together, 'so why don't we work together?"

5.  Stock up on motivational lectures that encourage you to keep going! Also, be sure to read the hadiths the sister posted in the last post (the game). :)

6. You can also put up a target picture/goal that you want to reach (weightwise)....and have that girl wearing jilbab! Then they'll realize that you're deadly serious. (LOL) But seriously, you can even talk about healthier meals that you want to make, go walking with them, etc. and again tie in the fact that our bodies are a trust from Allah and that is actually a motivating factor for you to become healthier.


And finally, keep this somewhere you can see it, often, inshaAllah :)

"Say: Truly, my prayer, my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, (all) for Allah, The Lord of the Worlds". ( Quran: Chapter 6:Verse:162)


Well, sis, I hope that inshaAllah your family will come to accept it and that each day is easier for you than the last.

May Allah reward you enormously!

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Just a little Jealous (of non-hijabis)

Dear Little Aunties,
I'm hoping you can help me a bit. If I were to be truly honest with myself, I think I’ve been feeling jealous from non-hijabis. I definitely don’t like that I feel this way. Also, I have a friend who doesn’t dress like me,she’s more of cousin than a friend,she’s started wearing the hijab now but still wears tight clothings –and this’s stupid-I get jealous ‘cos she’s more beautiful than me and more confident.And I feel highly bad and take it personal when pple make fun of me especially in Public.

Dear A Wee Bit Jealous,

Picture this.

It's one of those family dinner things where everyone says that they want to meet each other and yet, all the aunties, cousins and girls are sitting down competing with each other on who can look the best.

A young woman leaves her house with some make-up on, maybe a hint of earrings showing, her stylish yet tight clothes (+hijab) and her beautiful smile, and steps into the family gathering. She walks in and everyone greets her with returning smiles and salaams. On the surface, it looks like she's enjoying herself tremendously.
.
A little, while later, another young woman enters the house, wearing all black. She has a black niqab, black khimar, black abaya. She has no make-up on. She smiles but it's a little forced- and she's a little scared. She's come to dread a bit these family gatherings where everyone is dressed to the nines and people still question her decision to 'keep it black'. She looks for anyone to sit next to ...someone she can talk to.Finally, she finds someone she can enjoy discussing a few things with. She sits back and laughs.

The two young women sit down and talk with each other as they are actually good friends and relatives. Soon, enough, it is time to go home.

That second woman is ME.

That first woman is a real friend of mine.

Now, that was the first part of the story. But it wasn't the whole story. A few weeks later, I had a real heart to heart conversation with my friend. It went something like this:

"You know, you really make me feel ashamed, whenever you show up at the family gatherings and I see the way you're dressed," she said.
"What? Ashamed?" I asked incredulously.
"Yeah...any person with a sense of decency would feel ashamed when you come along. Just look at the way you're dressed and the excuse I wear for hijab. You always make me go home, feeling guilty. I wish I had the courage to dress like you."

I was dumbfounded. As she talked, tears were literally forming in my eyes. I told her...

"I don't mean to make you feel ashamed or guilty. But I don't understand though why some people try to make me feel ashamed for choosing to wear niqab or trying to please Allah. That's what gets me. That's what hurts."
She said, simply and very matter of factly- "Because they can't do it."

Now I am not telling you this story to backlash hijabis/ different hijab styles/ non-hijabis/ or whatever.

I am telling you this story for you to know some really important facts:

Those girls that you're jealous of....that cousin that you're jealous of, actually might want to be like YOU. You never know. You might think she's confident but in reality, she could be very insecure. You don't know what's going on in her mind or heart.

Just by standing outside, you never know who you are inspiring to change.

You see, sweetie, true confidence doesn't come from the number of people who whistle at you or compliment you on your latest hair style. True confidence comes from accepting your past, embracing your future, knowing your strengths, tackling your weaknesses and liking who you are in the present.

 It comes from the inside and not the outside. 


True confidence comes from trusting in the Creator- knowing that He is watching you, guarding you, protecting you. It comes from having the faith that when you step outside that door, the angels are right there beside you and that they are recording what you are wearing, who you are smiling at, what you are doing.

It comes from being able to do what is right, despite what the popular media tells us. Sometimes, it takes time to become something natural, but the more times you do what is right, the more confident you will be.

Seriously, did you ever see this video we have in the recommended page?



Now,that is confidence.

To stand in the street and pray...and not care what a single person thinks....to care only that you have Allah to answer to....

That's confidence.

And you know what?

You are beautiful. Beauty is something within the soul. It's not about how many heads you turn, but how many hearts you touch.

I'm sure you've heard of it before but I'm going to say it again..think of a pearl that has been hidden in the ocean, covered by a shell. Just because we can't see it, doesn't mean that it's not beautiful. It means that it is protected.

What about those people who tell you things?

Of course there words would hurt. But you have to remind yourself that their words are a reflection of their lack of manners...their own lack of beauty. These people who try to put you down are ignorant people. You just have to remind yourself that they were never ever the target or goal behind your hijab. It was never meant to be for their satisfaction but for Allah.

Remember, this life is a test...and you've got to give it your best.

The hijab is about you and Allah.

And He will reward you for it.

Ask Allah to make your face radiant on the day of Judgment, to give you real beauty. Ask Allah to make things easier for you.

If you find yourself having one of those feeling ugly days, try our ideas, here, as well. And visit the pictorials at I Got it Covered! They're bound to leave you inspired.....(like this one)

With all my love,

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Mom Doesn't Wear It

Assalamualaikum :)
i was reading the women in black article, mashAllah its great. then i realized that i too, have an abaya problem lol. no seriously..i've been wearing abaya for about a year and hamdulillah it gets easier. but the thing is, my mom does not wear abaya and sometimes i feel as if i'm making her look bad. there are times when she'll say 'i'm in jeans and you're in that'. and people, which happen to be muslims, come up to me and say, 'u know, u dont have to wear that all the time, u can wear pants too. islam doesnt restrict'. i really hate it when people say this to me but now i'm kinda used to it already. i'm wearing this bcos i'm comfortable in it, men don't look at me the same anymore, they don't flirt around with me and i feel safe. my not-yet-muslim friends will come up and say 'girl u look great!' and wow the muslim girl just had to ruin it 'do u really have to wear that?'. wow this is totally a rant. basically my question is, do i make my mom look bad? i don't know what to do, i don't wanna give up my abaya, heaven no. just in case you need to know, i live in an islamic state. thanks, u guys are great, may Allah bless you, lots and lots and lots.

WearingAbayaRightNow

Dear Already Wearing Abaya,

Wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo!

First off- let me tell you how proud I am of you for choosing to wear the abaya by yourself. MashaAllah! That’s wonderful. And a whole year? Almost time to have your one year wearing abbaya party. :P May Allah make it easier for you and keep you steadfast.

Now about your question…I feel for you! Seriously, you are in a sticky little situation. You don’t want to make your mom look or feel bad but at the same time you want to dress more modestly. I know how you feel- my mom has told me once or twice something similar. She pointed out that we look kind of funny when we walk together since I wear niqaab and she doesn’t always wear a abbaya.

As always, the best thing to do is to talk to your mom. You need to have a nice, honest discussion with her. Tell your mom that you are really passionate about Islam and that you earnestly love wearing the abbaya. Remind her that you live in an Islamic country where fortunately, wearing the abbaya doesn’t affect your career or put you in any danger. Ask her to try to think of it in a different way…tell her, “Mom, if memorized more Quran than you, would you ask me to stop memorizing Quran?” Or how about if I fasted extra days- would you ask me not to?”

Try to show her that you being different from her doesn’t reflect badly on her at all. Just like if you decided to pursue a higher education than her (such as getting a PhD), you dressing modestly is a positive reflection of her parenting. It shows that she raised a mature independent young woman, who makes her own choices and who deeply cares about her religion.

If she still doesn’t seem convinced, try again. Ask her, “What if I had a very important test tomorrow? What if I had a test that would determine my future- a life/ death kind of test? Wouldn’t you tell me to study? To push myself more? Wouldn’t you stay up with me? Tell my younger brother to turn off the TV so I could concentrate? Wouldn’t you make dua for me?

Well, Mom- I am in a test. And it’s not easy. I need your support. I want to stand in front of Alllah and tell Him, “Oh, Allah, you blessed me with a wonderful mother who encouraged me and supported me even though it was difficult for her. Please grant her jannah for standing beside me while I tried to make you happy”.

inshaAllah, she will come to accept it. Just like my mommy did.

As for those people who are telling you that ‘you don’t have to do that’, each of us find different things easier to do. If there’s something we can do that is better, we should seize the opportunity. Remember what the Qur’an says:

Race toward forgiveness from your Lord and a Garden whose width is like the width of the heavens and earth, prepared for those who believed in Allah and His messengers. That is the bounty of Allah which He gives to whom He wills, and Allah is the possessor of great bounty. (57: 21)

And the forerunners, the forerunners - (10)Those are the ones brought near [to Allah] (11) In the Gardens of Pleasure, (12) A [large] company of the former peoples (13) And a few of the later peoples, (14) (Surat Al Waqiah)

We should never Ever (with a capital E) settle for doing just the bare requirements or minimum possible in Islam! We should reach for jannatul firdaus.....We want to be in the company of the Prophets and martyrs, don't we? We want to be under Allah's Throne, right? So let's try our very bestest, inshaAllah :)

All the best to you sis,

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Women in Black.

Asalamu'alykum warahmatulahi wabarakatu, may peace and blessings be upon all of you
I'm really confused at the moment, recently i have become more dedicated to my religion Alhamduhilla and this website has keept me steadfast in my deen and made my imaan stronger!!!. I have one question, i really want to wear the abaya however i'm one of them people who get influnced by people A LOT and i'm scared about how people will look at me when i wear the abaya. i really don't know what to do. can you give me some advice please.

jazak'Allah khair ukthie

Dear Worried Ukhtee,

Wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo!

First of all, let me begin by apologizing to you (and the other sisters who sent in questions) for taking so long to reply to you!! Things have been a bit hectic here lately- I'm so sOooOoo sorry about that! And Jazakillah for your kind words about this blog.

As for growing more dedicated to religion, ma'sahAllah!! and wanting to wear abayah, Ma'shaAllah, that is soOo wonderful.

You know, I think a lot of girls are in the same boat as you, wondering whether to take that step or not, so it's great that you sent this question in.

Let me tell you what I think about the abaya (especially since another girl sent in this q) first and then we'll discuss 'fears', okay?

I think that with the age of skinny jeans and short shirts, it can be a real challenge and hassle to find a real hijabi-friendly outfit. By hijabi-friendly, I don't only mean that the proper parts are covered, but that they are covered well. See, as the daee' Moustafa Hosny explained on his show, 'white doctor gloves' may cover the hands, but you can still very clearly manage to see everything.

 So a real-hijabi friendly outfit is not limited to covering only but rather encompasses other conditions (that the clothing is not tight, revealing, a decoration in itself, etc.)

These conditions are very much found in most abayas. And that's the appeal of the abaya for me. Rather than you standing in front of the mirror, unsure if the shirt is a bit tight, or too short, rather than you having to go through internal dialogs or debates about whether or not your outfit really is pleasing to Allah, rather than justifying three quarter sleeves, etc, the abaya draws the line for you. It helps keep you in check.

Trust me. I've been on the other side. I have tried not wearing abaya and I have seen just how much more difficult it is to resist wearing certain body outlining things. Hey, we're ladies and we all want to look good, right. That's why a good abaya is 'safer' to me. Not to mention more convenient, modest, and comfy. [I should be getting paid for this kinda advertisement, LOLOL.]

But I'm thinking you already know/ or partially agree with me on all this. Right? You're just a little scared....

Well, here's the thing, my darling sis. I recently attended Friday prayer in Madinah. There was a lesson and it was about fear. The a'alim (scholar) explained something that was completely eye opening to me. He said that Islamically fear is considered as a type of worship. And like all worship in Islam, it must only be 'for Allah'.

...so fear them not but fear Me. (2: 150)

Indeed, those who fear their Lord unseen will have forgiveness and great reward. (67: 12)

Don't worry, though. You're not committing shirk when you're scared of something (well, as long as you're not going to fortune teller kinda people, that kinda thing), but it just means your faith isn't as strong as it should be. When our fear of people's judgments, comments, looks, etc. overcomes our fear of Allah and prevents us from doing something we should do for His sake (disclaimer: at this point, I'm talking about *fear in general* and not abayas), then we have a small problem in our faith.

It means we haven't given Allah His rightful due. We've put His servants above Him :(

It also means we haven't learned to take Allah as our wali or protective friend.

You see, the Qur'an actually says:

Your friend is only Allah, His messenger, and those who believe: those who perform prayer, give alms, and bow [in prayer]. (Surat al-Ma’ida : 55)

As for those who make Allah their friend, and His messenger, and those who believe: It is the party of Allah who are victorious! (Surat al-Ma’ida : 56)

And those who strive in us - we will certainly guide them to our paths (Surat al ankabut : 69)

Yes, you may find some people looking at you weirdly. You may find people treating you a bit different.

 You've got to ask yourself, though- who are you doing this for? Will He let you down? No, never!

I mean, if you are worried about how the people on the street will 'think of you'/ their looks, think about the fact that these people are only going to see you once, anyways. It's not like they are really going to remember you after a few days of time. Why let 'strangers' dictate your relationship with Allah? What are they really going to DO for you?

In fact, just recently I heard this great quote from the SistersFeeSabillah club on Facebook (they were quoting Imam Ghazali):

'All those people that you are concerned about, did they create u? Give you rizq? Heal you? Love you?' No-one loves a person more than Allah loves him. No-one gives you rizq more than Allah gives you. So why do you concern yourself for other creatures, while you are surrounded and covered by the kindness & blessings of Allah? [Dear Beloved son by Imam Ghazali]

Now, what if you're not talking about 'strangers' but your friends...

Well, the reality is that most of us are influenced by our friends. In fact, in a hadith, the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam, clearly stated that this is a reality:

“A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend (khalil), so look whom you befriend.”

You need to ask yourself a major question here- are these friends the kind of people you would want to be friends with on the Day of Judgment?

It is essential to have real good friends who encourage you to be a better Muslimah. Remember, true friends should accept you for who you are not what you wear. If you feel like your friends are trying to talk you out of wearing the abaya, you should just say "Guys, I'm trying to do this for Allah's sake. Please don't talk me out of it. It's really important to me that you support me.." Be honest with them.

And take some real concrete small steps-

1. Broach the topic with your family. If they support you, go abaya shopping with them.
2. Keep your abaya next to the door, so that whenever you think about going out, you see it as an option for you.
3. Wear the abaya to the Friday prayers......If you're really up to it, PLAN to have lunch after the Friday prayer, when you're still wearing it. See how it feels.
4.  Try wearing it when you do something routinish, like going grocery shopping. If you have a friend who wears it, go with her, so you don't feel so alone the first few times.
5. Write down that you want to wear it.


6. Make dua that Allah makes it easier for you!

7. And try reciting this dua in the morning and evening:

Hasbiyallaahu laa 'ilaaha 'illaa Huwa 'alayhi tawakkaltu wa Huwa Rabbul-'Arshil-'Adheem .

Allah is sufficient for me . There is none worthy of worship but Him . I have placed my trust in Him, He is Lord of the Majestic Throne . (You should recite it seven times in Arabic .)

In a hadith, the Prophet said: Allah will grant whoever recites this seven times in the morning or evening whatever he desires from this world or the next, Ibn As-Sunni (no. 71), Abu Dawud 4/321. Both reports are attributed directly to the Prophet j§ (Marfu1). The chain of transmission is sound (Sahih). Ibn As-Sunni.

And remember, you don't necessarily have to switch to wearing the abaya only all at once...Give yourself some time to get used to it. And it doesn't necessarily have to be black...(Just read the conditions above :D)

You can do it. I believe in you.

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How do I tell da Teacher it's a bit Tight?

"Asalamualykum dear ukthi,
i have this teacher at school who wears a hijab however wears very rivealing clothes which makes me quite uncomftable because i tend to hear boys in my class shouting out ''slag'' ect. i don't want to tell her because i know i will end up in trouble and the teacher will just say that i should mind my own business but its really fustrating. what should i do?? jazakAllah"

wa’alaykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo,

Dearest Worried Student,

I gotta admit it to you. I saw your letter and I panicked. I thought ‘NOW that is a tough question”. That’s why it has taken me sooooo long to respond to you. I mean if it’s hard to tell our FRIENDS that their hijab is a bit…well..needs some more improvement…what about our teachers? Yup, definitely tough question…

But at the same time, it is really great question. It speaks a lot about your character, ma’shaAllah, that you would want to talk to your teacher and give her nasiha…

So I’m going to give you some really different strategies and hope that our readers pitch in some of their own ideas, hehe, and you see what you think you should do.

1.        The Anonymous Tip Idea
   

It sounds like you are in a Muslim dominant school/ country (since your teacher is wearing hijab). IF that’s the case, and your teacher’s got a cubby hole, you can print out a nice article on the obligation of hijab, its conditions, etc. and put it there anonymously(and in other teachers’ cubby holes, too- so it doesn’t look like you are signaling her out). You can decorate it and put it on nice paper and maybe toss in a few chocolates.


2. The “Let’s Be Friends” Idea

If you’ve got facebook, ask her if she has it, too. If she does and she agrees to add you, wait a few days and then put up a nice article on the obligation of hijab, its conditions (haha, yup, I am repeating myself purposefully). OR, you could always put up a nice video on the topic. I’m not sure, but I think Baba Ali did a sort funny but true on one this topic?


3.   The Sincere Student Method

You pick an appropriate time- (preferably when there’s no one else in the classroom)- and you open up. You say something like “Ms. I really admire you and respect you. Thank you so much for teaching us X and Y. I learned a lot. There is just one tiny thing I thought you should know.  There are some people in this school who talk about you physically and I think you deserve more respect than that. I know that you wear hijab, ma’sahAllah, which is so inspiring and wonderful to us, but maybe it would also be a better idea to wear (for example? ) skirts or abayas. It might be a little less distracting for the guys, inshaAllah.


 4. The “Girls for REaL  Hijab” Campaign

Yes, I am suggesting you start a whole campaign for this, lol. Quite simply, you get together with some friends/ other girls in your school, and you decide that you’re going to make some posters, maybe give a small talk on what is true hijab- you invite her/ you tell her about this campaign of yours/ you ask her permission to put up a poster or talk about hijab during her class for 5 minutes. Heheh. So then, you talk about haya, you talk about modesty, etc. You talk about how it’s more than a scarf on your head, how it’s important to wear loose clothes, and how it’s important to act modestly. I would suggest using an article from I Got it Covered, like this one, called "garment of piety"

Okay, these were my little ideas....I hope inshaAllah things work out and that years from now, your teacher makes dua for you, thanking you for telling her what hijab is =)

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Dear Veiled Wanna be Non-Veiled Muslimah

I came across your post “Dear Non-Veiled Wanna Be Veiled Muslimah” and what you wrote seemed very convincing if the person wanted to wear hijab. But my problem is a little different. I am a ‘Veiled Not Wanting to Be Veiled Muslimah”. I’ve never told anybody but my parents never really gave me an option. When it first happened, 2 years ago, I used to go to school and take it off there. But then, slowly, it got embarrassing with putting it on and taking it off, so I got used to it and kept it on.

But many times I do think about taking it off. I do want to dress up like my friends. Most of all though I want- ‘the choice’. I feel like they robbed me of the choice and like I am forced to pretend that I am someone I really am not. I know this must sound horrible to you but I really need to talk to someone about it because I feel that slowly it is driving me away from religion. I see a lot of girls on many websites and blogs talking about their love for hijab and I wish I could feel that way, but I really don’t.
What is your advice for someone like me? What do I do?
Wishing I could love my hijab

Dear "Wishing I could Love My Hijab",

I just want to start off by saying that your honesty really touched me. I also want to say that I do believe that you are not alone. As much as we “Lovers of Hijab” stress that we love it and “it’s our choice”, there are some sisters out there who do find it hard to accept and maybe don’t love it as much.

So I am glad you sent this question in. We’re going to work together on turning those feelings around….

First of all, have you heard the story of Zaynab bint Ghash?

She was the Prophet’s cousin. She was part of the elite, rich class of Quraysh, beautiful and well-desired by the whole community. One day, the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam told her to marry Zaid.

Now just who was Zaid? He was a former slave!

The two basically came from ‘totally different worlds’…

Well, Zaynab in the beginning really didn’t want to marry Zaid, but when she realized that the Prophet was telling her ALLAH’S Command, she succumbed to it. She succumbed to Allah’s decision about her ‘life partner’, even though he was someone she didn’t want to marry.

Why? Why did she agree?

Because she realized that in the end it was an order from Allah, who was Her Creator, Her Master, the One who knew what was best for her, the Most Merciful.

And you know what happened? Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala rewarded her patience, her willingness to put aside her own desires for His sake by letting her marry the Prophet, himself, in the end. Can you imagine? She became one of the Mothers of the Believers!

There’s another story of a beautiful woman whom the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam married to a poor man named Julaybeeb. Before her parents understood that the Prophet wanted her to marry Julaybeeb, they actually thought it was the Prophet, himself, coming to propose to her. When they heard who he wanted her to marry, they were very disappointed. But that woman? She realized right away that the Prophet’s command was Allah’s command, so she agreed right when she heard the proposal. Julaybeeb ended up being a martyr in Islam and the Prophet had this to say of him: “…This (man) is of me and I am of him.”

Okay, so why am I telling you this? Well, it’s my way of giving you an analogy (LOL). Your parents told you to do something that you didn’t want to do…. Just like how the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam told Zaynab to do something she didn’t want to do. But the Prophet and your parents were not giving ‘orders’ from themselves, were they? The Prophet was actually giving her a command from Allah---- just like your parents, right?

That is….in the end, isn’t the hijab Allah’s command?

I know what you’re thinking. “BUT, but, but I wanted the right to have a choice, myself…”

You know, sweetie, I do believe that your parents should have talked to you more. They should have let you listen to some nice lectures/ maybe gone hijab shopping with you/ prepared you about it a few years before you had to do it. It would have been really great if they had enrolled you in like an Islamic school/ Islamic program/ let you meet some friends who wear it/ etc.

But, about choosing it, yourself….

You know, honey, Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala gave us free will. Unlike the angels, we have the ability to decide what we want to do and what we don’t want to do.

But at the same time, we have to understand that we have been created for one single purpose. We have been created to worship Allah. Allah subhanoo Wa’ tala says.

And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me. (51:56)

So the fact that we have free will and yet are still supposed to worship Allah means that we are actually living a ‘test’. The test is to see if we will obey Allah, if we will follow our Master. Will we do what He has commanded us to do? Will we avoid what He has prohibited us from?

Will we submit entirely to Him?

O you who have believed, enter into Islam [submission] completely [and perfectly] and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy (2:208.)

The problem though is that it’s all too easy for us to forget that and make ‘wrong decisions’.
And these decisions have MAJOR (out of this world) consequences.

Let me be a little blunt about it. If we choose to ‘ignore’ Allah’s commandment, we are actually choosing for ourselves punishment and difficulty.

So why am I telling you all this? Your parents most likely didn’t give you a choice because they were concerned about you. They asked you to wear it because they were scared about your Hereafter. I know that your parents didn’t really get you to wear hijab in the best way possible, but can you understand that maybe they did it in the only way they ‘knew’? Doesn’t their love count as something?

I’m going to guess that ‘you’re not really convinced here”…Let’s imagine for a moment you were talking about something other than your hijab’. Like ‘going to school’. How many days have you woken up thinking “Gee, I sure as heck do not want to go to school, today?” But you went because your parents (having your best interest in mind) gave you the option to either
a) go to school b) go to school….

(Another example that comes to mind is- what about wearing a seatbelt.)

Do you see what I am saying? I seriously hope you do because I myself got a little lost here, lol...:P

(OH and there is one other part we can’t really forget. On the Day of Judgment, Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala will ask your parents why they did/ didn’t teach you about hijab. I think your parents know that/ took that aspect very seriously (and took you as ‘a trust from Allah’ seriously) but unfortunately were clueless as to how to get you to like it/ prepare you for it.)

So now, what are we going to do?

1. Realize that the hijab is not your parents and it’s not your parent’s pressure. Try to differentiate between the two and ‘let go of the pressure’ from your parents. Think of it as its own ‘thing’. Then, ask yourself
“What is it that I do not like about the hijab, itself?”

2. Once you are able to do that- you have to ask yourself some even more tough(erer) questions….

- Is the hijab an order from Allah?
- If I were to wear the hijab for Allah’s sake, would Allah ever forget about my deed? Would He not reward me? No way! Not EVER. He would never let a good deed go ‘unrewarded’.

…Indeed, Allah does not allow to be lost the reward of the doers of good (9:120)

- Okay, well, what would I get for obeying Allah? What’s the reward that He promised me?

I. How about Allah’s Love? His Protection?

(Hadith Qudsi 25)

….My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about [seizing] the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate hurting him.

2. How about an amazing place in Paradise?

Whosoever obeys Allah, and the Messenger, they are with those whom Allah has favored, the Prophets, the sincere, the martyrs and the righteous, and these are the best company (4:69)

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Ahead of you are days of patience, during which being patient will be like grasping a hot coal. The one who does good deeds then will have a reward like that of fifty people who do such deeds.” And, someone else added, they said: O Messenger of Allah, the reward of fifty of them? He said: “The reward of fifty of you (Companions)!” (Abu Dawud and At-Tirmidh).

- Then, ask yourself: What would I get for not obeying Him?

- How many things can I name that I do every day solely for His sake?

- What do I honestly believe the people in the graves wish they could do? IF today was my last day here, what would I do? What would my decision be?

- Can I imagine standing in front of Allah and not having done what He has commanded? What would my excuse be?

But as for he who feared the position of his Lord and prevented the soul from [unlawful] inclination, (40) Then indeed, Paradise will be [his] refuge. (41) (Surat Al Na’ziat or Chapter79)

Besides asking yourself these questions, try thinking about something you do ‘appreciate about your hijab’.

- Has it helped keep you in check? Has it helped you remember that Allah is there?

Also, about your ‘friends’-
- Ask yourself this tough question: is there really something wrong with your hijab or something wrong with your choice in friends? (The aunties here aren’t saying that your friends are bad people- but if you feel that you can’t wear hijab with them or that they won’t accept it/ maybe you need to reevaluate your friendships).

- And finally: does wearing the hijab really mean that I can no longer dress up? Here, let me give you a hint on that. No, of course not! You can still have girls only parties/ invite your friends over/ etc. and dress up.

Finally, ask yourself what is it that you are ‘telling others about you’ when you waer the hijab? I know you said that you feel like you are telling others that you are someone different, but the reality is that when you wear the hijab, the biggest message that you are telling people is that you are a Muslimah. Isn't that what you are? Aren't you a Muslim? You aren’t saying that you are ‘perfect’/ ‘an angel/ ‘etc.’ only that you are trying to obey this particular command.

So what do you think?

Can you do that? Can you obey this command?

Can you go out  and decide that you are wearing the hijab, even if you don’t entirely like it, ONLY because Allah told you to.

And tell Him:

O, Allah, I’m wearing it/doing this because You told me, too, and even if I don’t understand your Wisdom, I know you will reward me tremendously for obeying you…”

Decide today that your intention is for His sake…nobody else’s.

Nobody can take your intention away from you…

Lots of love,

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What if I Take it Off?!

assalamualaikum

Maybe i should ask this question to myself first before sharing it with you and yes I did but I still haven't have any answer to it,anyway I have this nawaitu in me saying that I wanna wear hijab but there's always this little thought in me saying what if one day I stop wearing it again just to look more prettier,to showoff my hair and all. what if it wont last long to wear this hijab? so tell me my dear little auntie..guide me with this..I wanna wear it but I'm scared it won't last long.

What if I take it off?!

Dear WHAT if I Take it oFf?

First of all, hun, I love how you said that you maybe should ask yourself this question first. Sometimes, it’s really hard to ask ourselves these questions because deep down inside we know the answers, don’t we? But you know what? The fact that you realize that the answer at the end will really come from you…well that’s a really good sign, Ma’sahallah.

And of course the fact that you WANT to wear hijab…..that’s fantastic!

Of course, I can understand that you hear that tiny little voice. I remember that voice. And even though it’s really tiny, it’s kinda loud, isn’t it? “What if? What if I take it off? What if I look ugly in it? What if…” Yeah, Little Ms. Annoying Pants (that voice) is pretty loud!

But you know what? You have to realize that “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”.

You know what that means? It means we have nothing to be scared of but being scared of something. You know why? Because 'fear' prevents us from doing anything, from progressing, from moving from one place to another.


Fear paralyzes us.

We will never know the future- if we fear what we’re going to do ‘next’, we’re never going to do anything! Think about it. Do you ever say, “I’m not going to pray maghrib because I may not feel like praying next month” Or: I’m not going to fast Ramadan because maybe a few years from now I’m going to get thirsty and break my fast?

I highly doubt it!

Here’s another example. Let's say I were to tell you, in order for you to get to grade 12, you have to finish grades 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 11, and only then can you start grade 12. Would you tell me, but I'm scared I'll start going to school and then in grade 5 or 8, I'll wanna drop out, so I'm not going to go to school?

Would that really make sense? No! I bet you would tell me, "But if I don't go to school, I won't have a successful life". Even if you were to ever feel like dropping out because of all the tests, homework, annoying people at school and drama, you wouldn't, right? Because you understand the importance of your education with the rest of your life.

What about the importance of obeying Allah's commands with your life? In the after life? (Please don’t think I am saying that the hijab is the only thing that we Muslims do, though.)

You have to realize that this fear that you have is most likely coming from Shaytan. He’s preying on your tiny little worries. You know why? Cause Shaitan doesn't want you to listen to Allah, just like he didn't. He doesn't want you to do what Allah has commanded, but he knows that you wouldn't listen to him if he were to tell you straight out "Don't wear hijab", so instead, he uses a different tactic. He whispers to you, "No, no if you wear it, you're gonna take it off. You're gonna be ugly. You're gonna..."

So you know what you have to do? You don't listen to him. You ask Allah to help you, guide you and protect you from his whispers. You ask Allah to keep you steadfast when you wear it. Every time you pray and you say in surat Al Fatiha, "Guide us to the straight path" (Ihdinasirat al mustaqeem), mean it! And when you say Ameen, be sincere. Allah will never ever let you down if you are sincere and truly want His guidance.

What's more, you have to 'redirect' this fear that you have. The thing that I told you in the beginning- that we have nothing to fear- isn't exactly right. We should have fear, but it should be fear of....ALLAH.'That should be the fear that directs your life, not the fear of whether or not something will happen in the future. Yes, Allah is the Most Merciful, but if reflecting on His Mercy doesn’t move you to be a better servant, then reflect on His Power and His ability to completely replace us all with servants who better worship Him, who place Him above their selves. Truly reflect on where He is right now in your life….What place does He hold?

And ask yourself- who created you pretty? Did you create yourself? Wasn't it Allah who created you beautiful? Doesn't He have the right then to decide who you show your beauty to?

More importantly, does wearing a scarf take away your beauty?

How could following what Allah has ordered you to do detract from your beauty? It doesn't actually change your beauty; it just guards it. Think about it this way- does the shell make the pearl ugly? Does it take away the pearl’s beauty? Or does it make it even more valuable?

The hijab is just like that shell. It doesn't erase your beauty. You’re still who you are- still beautiful- still a treasure! You are still the same gorgeous person that you are!

You’re just -hopefully- more conscious of Allah’s presence in your life. The truth is the hijab helps keep you in check. You said yourself that you might want to show off your hair. Showing off is a big thing in Islam, right? Wearing the hijab reminds you that you did not create yourself. You are not your own Lord. It reminds you of "Allahu Akbar". God is Greater.

So now what to do? I want you to really really go and buy some hijabs! Start taking some actions towards it and see how you feel. Tell your friends you want to wear it and throw a hijab party. For one thing, that will also make you think twice about 'taking it off', because you would have told everyone about it, lol.

I’ve also personally found that writing it down can also help. Write down 'I will wear Hijab'. Write it down a few times. Look at those words and believe in those words. Because I believe in you, and you should believe in yourself too. If you've already felt that you want to start observing Hijab then you've conquered the greatest mountain already. Now you're just near the top. And you know you can take the last step but the fear of falling is worrying you. But you've got so far, sis. I'm sure you can find the courage to take that last step. Don't be scared of what the future may hold, because to be honest, anything can happen, and we don't know. You just have to hold on to the fact that Allah is always, always, always with you.

The really important thing though is to not worry about what might or might not happen tomorrow and take everyday as it comes. It might be harder some days than others but this struggle is just making you stronger. And that Allah is simply testing you hun.

Be patient and don't stop trying to fight these fears...

"O, you who believe, Persevere in patience and constancy, vie in such perseverance; strengthen each other; and fear Allah; that you may prosper" 3:200

If you're patient and you persevere and try really hard to remain patient, if you keep your trust in The Most High but at the same time fear The Most High and Him alone, then will you prosper huni. And when Allah says you'll prosper it will be the best prosperity.

Remember that Allah is closer to you than your jugular vein, the veins in your neck, that close! With Allah always with you, you gotta take that last step.

Just say “Bismillah”- in the Name of Allah… the same way Prophet Nuh alyhee as salam said:

And [Noah] said, "Embark therein; in the name of Allah is its course and its anchorage. Indeed, my Lord is Forgiving and Merciful." (11: 41)

Well, sis, I believe you can do this! I promise you that it will become a part of you, if you give it a chance!

Let me know if you need any more convincing, hehe, and in the mean time, please please join www.igotitcovered.org

You'll find lots of inspiration there, inshaAllah.

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It's Just Cultural- You Don't Have to Wear that Thing

i grew up in a community where it is normal to wear or not to wear hijab.i started wearing hijab at such a young age that i can't even remember the period that i didn't wear it (well you can blame on my short-term memory as well). Hijab is a normal thing to me, like a bra.Always there but never really feel the presence of it and its importance.when i came to study in Australia, that's when i realised i never did understand the true meaning of hijab. [at first,] the weird glances.the weird comments.the weird reactions all were totally new to me but alhamdulillah, it didn't bug me much .I started to learn Islam,like really learning it;the true virtues of being a muslimah .i realise that people do judge the things i do and the decisions i make and i don't want them to think bad about Islam if i did anything wrong.I stumbled upon your blog a month ago and alhamdulillah it's now a part of my life.i can never end my day without checking your blog.Thank you soo much for all the inspirational posts and advises! May Allah grant you jannah :)

Recently,I got this comment from my lab demonstrator at uni: "That thing you're wearing(hijab),i know it's not a religious thing,rather it's a cultural thing.You girls have been brainwashed to believe that it is. I've checked and i know there's nothing about covering heads in the quran and i don't want you girls to be ignorant about it."

and she told me about her story that she met a religious muslim couple and they told her that hijab was not a religious thing. she told us to 'blend in' as it would attract attention,which contradicts with the objective of wearing hijab at the first place.She's a feminist and has this way of thinking that hijabis are ignorant, brainwashed and oppressed.She sounds a bit annoying,but she's really nice when she didn't talk about this topic haha.

There's so much that I can say to prove to her that she's wrong and i don't know where else to ask for help except from u aunties.

So, HEEELLLLPPPPP!!!

p/s: sorry it's a bit long,i was planning on a short but concise message but wasn't able to.so pls bare with me :p

The sister who need guidance

Dearest the Sister Who Needs Guidance!

Ma'shaAllah to you for becoming more religious and really learning about Islam and what it means to be a true Muslim. I think for many of us, we at first simply 'inherit Islam'. It takes effort on our part to decide to really understand what Islam really is, our obligations, etc., so Ma'shaAllah to you!

Also, we're so honored that you read our blog daily :) The truth though is that without you guys's questions, though, the blog wouldn't really work, so you deserve a pat on the back yourself =)

Now the thing about your question- it's a pretty complicated situation! There are several different approaches you can try to use—since we don’t know her, we can’t recommend which one will work best. You try with what you feel she will respond to best, inshaAllah, or even a combination, lol.

But first, whatever you do, it’s best to start off by letting her know that you appreciate her concern. Thank her graciously for taking some of her own time and caring enough about you that she would try and help you ‘see the light’. Be kind and courteous- then, you can use the

1. You ‘are not brainwashed’ method

Remind her that you are an educated girl, pursuing your career, studying abroad in university, living in a society where if you wanted to, you could easily take it off and no one would notice/say anything. That means you made the DECISION, yourself, to keep it on, day after day.

Don’t just stop there, though. Explain to your lab instructor that you made an ‘informed’ decision. You see, your lab instructor is half right. To some people it is cultural. In fact, it was once almost cultural for you. You yourself began wearing it not really understanding its purpose. But then, you chose to dedicate yourself more to your religion and really learn about it. Explain to her that now that you have read up on it and know the different interpretations of the ‘hijab verses’ (although just between us almost all ‘real controversy’ today exists only on whether or not the verses refer to hijab or niqab, not actually on whether the hijab is obligatory), you are fully convinced of the interpretation that does include covering the ‘hair’. You choose to follow that interpretation. Your choice of interpretation if not understood by others should at least be respected…

Also, since she brought it up, you should explain that you are fully aware that the Qur’an does not literally use the word ‘hair’, but that it does refer to covering certain parts of the body and adornments and an implication of a woman’s adornment is her hair.

More importantly though, as Muslims, we have 2 important sources that guide us: the Qur’an and Prophet Mohammed sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam. There are many things in the Qur’an that are ‘unspecified’-for example, the Qur’an says over and over again “give charity and pray” but it doesn’t mention how much or how. We learn these from the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam. The Qur’an wasn’t sent ‘alone’, but it was sent with the Messenger sallah Alahoo alyhee wa salam and he was clearly reported as saying things that indicated the hair should be covered.

2.      “Feminism” method-

Tell her that although she may find the hijab restrictive, you don’t find it any way restrictive. Instead, you find it liberating. It liberates you from the ever fickle fashion industry (designed mainly without real women in mind) which continually manages to make girls dissatisfied with themselves and has them believe that in order to be beautiful, they have to ‘sell themselves’. The hijab makes you comfortable with the inner you! Explain that while many woman seem to feel that their worth is only in how much they reveal, for you, your worth is decided by your intellect and what you as a person really has to offer.

Show that you feel that the hijab is the ‘ultimate feminist tool’.

Also, while discussing this point, you should address her concern that hijabis are oppressed or backwards. You may want to explain that in some parts of the world, such as Egypt, most of the female population don the hijab. Despite this, they are still engineers, doctors, nurses, graphic designers, artists, etc. The hijab doesn’t render them [nor you] incapable of doing something. It simply reflects a commitment you have with God….

The fact is what stands in the way of a hijabi girl’s life is not actually her veil- it is the (welcoming or unwelcoming) attitudes around her surrounding the veil.

When policies bar hijabis from education/from schools/from work places/etc., then, they fuel oppression and bar the women from living their lives fully. Not their hijabs!

At this point, you might also want to take the time to explain two things:

a)That men have their own kind of ‘hijab’ as well
b) how Islam came and championed women’s rights. Tell her this startling fact- the first university was created by two Muslim women sisters!

3. I like it method/ the individualist method

First, in order to do this method, you need to correct this misconception she has. The purpose of the hijab isn’t about ‘blending in’. The fact is that we are told to wear hijab to be recognized that we are pious, righteous women/ Muslim women. That means the hijab should differentiate us from others.

“O you Prophet, say to your spouses and your daughters and the women of believers, that they draw their outer garments (jalabibhun (plural of the Arabic word: jilbab) closer to them; that will (make) it likelier that they will be recognized and so will not be hurt. And Allah has been Ever-Forgiving, Ever-Merciful.” ( 33:59).

What’s more we as Muslims are actually not told to ‘blend in’- we’re told to be different. We have a narration of the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam where we are called ‘strangers’…that doesn’t mean that we are rebelling against people or countries but that we choose not to change ourselves or our principals no matter where we are and that does make us a little different.

The purpose of the hijab isn’t then to ‘blend in’, but it is to help a person protect their modesty and the best way to protect one’s modesty is to obey God….

After explaining all that to her, you have to make it clear that you like that! Explain that you yourself won’t settle for being ordinary! Nope, you’re different, unique, extraordinary and you like being that way. She can't argue with that, LOL.

Not only that, but wearing the hijab allows you to be an ambassador to your religion. It allows you to invite people to God.

You can also try to reason with her logically. Why is it that today people can dye their hair X color and style it a certain way to let know others know that they are ‘emo/X/whatever’- but that when you want to identify yourself with your religion and your way of life, it just means your brainwashed?

Also, here you can start discussing ‘diversity’. We keep talking about how we are a global people and that we should accept diversity in all its sizes, shapes and colors. Yet, do we really practice what we preach?

Finally, every workplace has a uniform- you can say, “I like the thought that God chose my uniform for me”.

Well, sis, these are just some thoughts on how to deal with her. inshaAllah this will all end up being a great dawah opportunity for you! Who knows? She may get interested into reading more about Islam and women's rights, etc. =) Wouldn’t that be awesome?

May Allah keep you steadfast on the deen and all of us, Ameen!

P.S. I love how you said wearing hijab was normal like a 'bra', heheh! :P

P.S.S. Is it hard to read this post? It appears 'very tiny' to me? Let me know if it is!

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