Taraweeh? Tahajjud? How to?

Assalaamu' alaykum Auntie,
Thank you very much for such a LOVELY blog, your advice is so helpful, and I hope you Insh'Allah continue on helping others and giving advice. I really, really need help..i'm 16 yrs old, and feel that i've wasted most of my Ramadhan's- usually by sleeping, waking up then eating and going off to bed again, I wanted to Insh'Allah make use of this Ramadhan but feel very confused over some things. I remember when I learnt how to pray when I was younger I found it difficult to remember the number of rakah's to pray and the niyah for each Salah...I'm kind of facing that same problem again and would really appreciate your help.
I see older cousins/friend in Ramadhan praying Tarawih..I have some questions, could you please tell me briefly what it is and when we pray this..my main problem is how many rakah's do we pray for Tarawih? I tried searching on Google but ended up more confused, and what about the niyah? What do I have to say? Is it exactly the same for the obligatory 5 prayers? I'm so confused...and i'm having the same problem with the Tahajjud prayers, i'd like to Insh'Allah pray this a few times in Ramadhan and maybe develop it into a habit Insh'Allah- but how many rakah's and what do I say for the niyah?
I find it hard to ask people directly things that I really need help with, so thanks a lot for the blog Auntie! :D I promise to leave a comment in the answer thread (i'm the short_sister who drops a comment now and then)

wa'alaykum as salam wa rahmatullah aw barkatoo, Short_sister feeling confused ,

Your email brought a huge smile to my face! It's wonderful to see you already planning ahead and wanting to really make the most out of this Ramadan, insahAllah :)

You asked some great questions =)

Let's first talk about "niyah" when it comes to ANY salah. 

Niyah means intention. It means that you have a true and firm intention to really pray. The niyah isn't something that is found in the words you choose to use but what is actually in your HEART.

Ibn al-Qayyim said in Zaad al-Ma’aad (1/201): 

When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stood up to pray, he would say: “Allaahu akbar,” and he did not say anything before that, or utter the intention (niyyah) out loud at all. He did not say, “I am going to pray such-and-such a prayer, facing the qiblah, four rak'ahs, as an imam or following an imam.” And he did not say “ada’an (on time)” or “qadaa’an (making up a missed prayer)” or “fard al-waqt (the obligatory prayer of this time).” 

So, following the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam's example, you do not have to say anything out loud :) You can totally relax on that part.

Also: Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about the intention when starting to do an act of worship such as praying etc., do we need to utter it verbally, such as saying, “I intend to pray, I intend to fast”?*!

He replied:*!
Praise be to Allaah.*!
The intention of purifying oneself by doing wudoo’ ghusl or tayammum, of praying, fasting, paying zakaah, offering kafaarah (expiation) and other acts of worship does not need to be uttered verbally, according to the consensus of the imaams of Islam. Rather the place of intention is the heart, according to the consensus among them. If a person utters something by mistake that goes against what is in his heart, then what counts is what he intended, not what he said.*!

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/13337/Niyyah

In fact, your intention for salah begins when you start making your wudu, inshaAllah. So don't stress about what to say. 

Now, what is Tarawih and what is Tahajjud? And how do we pray them? 

Here's the thing. Qiyam or standing in the night is the term used to refer to voluntary night prayers which are performed from after Isha prayer until dawn.'


We use the words tahajjud and taraweeh to simplify things but they are actually not different prayers. This is what we commonly use them to describe:

Tahajjud: Any salah performed after one sleeps during the night. That means, that you went to sleep, and then woke up to pray extra prayers.

Taraweeh:  voluntary night prayers performed during the month of Ramadan.

To simplify when we use these names more, if you were to go to a mosque during Ramadan, taraweeh would begin after the Isha prayer immediately. Tahajjud prayers would begin in the middle of the night, say 1:00 a.m. or 2:00. (You would have had a chance to sleep for one or two hours and then wake up).

But how do you pray them?

The Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم said, “Night prayer is two by two.” (Bukhari and Muslim). 

Also, Aisha Radiya Allah Anha was reported as saying: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray eleven rak’ahs at night, and say the tasleem after each two rak’ahs, and he would pray Witr with one rak’ah. Saheeh, agreed upon. [Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him: Fataawa Islamiyyah (2/156).]

What that  basically means is that you pray 2 rakhat, just like Fajr prayer. You say the salams at the end of the 2 Rakhat.

One thing to keep in mind, though, is that Taraweeh, got its name from  tarweehah, which means the space of rest between every two rak’ah. Usually in mosques that pray 8 ones, they give a short break after praying 2 sets of 2 rakhat (after praying 4 rakhat). So you pray 2 prayers, take a break, and then continue again.

How many rak’ah is it? There are different opinions. These include: 
1. Eight Rak’ah:
- Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that that Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم never prayed more than eight rak’ah (plus three witr).
- This was the opinion of Shaykh Al-Albanee (may Allah have mercy on him), he said more than eight is an innovation (bid’ah).
2. Twenty Rak’ah:
- Umar ibn Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) brought the people together to perform Taraweeh and it was performed in twenty rak’ah (However, authenticity of the narrations are disputable) . To read more on this: http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/82152/
3. No specific number:
- The Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم never limited the number, he said: “Night prayer is two by two.”
- Ibn Taymiyah and Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on them) did not limit the number of rak’ahs, although, in terms of quality and quantity, they preferred eight rak’ah.

At the end of the day, the Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم : “Whoever stands with the imaam until he finishes, it is equivalent to spending the whole night in prayer.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 806; Abu Dawood, 1375; al-Nasaa’i, 1605; Ibn Maajah, 1327. Classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi, Ibn Khuzaymah (3/337), Ibn Hibbaan (3/340) and al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 447.)

Hope that helps sort the confusion a bit. Please sisters correct me if there's anything wrong in there :) And finally, May Allah let us be among these people mentioned in the Quran:

Verily, the Muttaqoon (the pious) will be in the midst of Gardens and Springs (in the Paradise),

16. Taking joy in the things which their Lord has given them. Verily, they were before this Muhsinoon (good‑doers).

17. They used to sleep but little by night [invoking their Lord (Allaah) and praying, with fear and hope]”

[al-Dhaariyaat 51:15-17] 

16. Their sides forsake their beds, to invoke their Lord in fear and hope, and they spend (in charity in Allaah’s Cause) out of what We have bestowed on them.

17. No person knows what is kept hidden for them of joy as a reward for what they used to do”

[al-Sajdah 32:15-17] 

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Pride vs. Self-Esteem

Assalamu'alaikum, sis how can i build my self-esteem? There is something related with my childhood and my parents. They are not so happy couple. Alhamdulillah everything is okay now. I was so shy and introverted person. I've started practice Islam alhamdulillah. Sometimes, though i can not make difference in self-esteem and pride. Please help me in this. -sometimes hopeless sis

Asalamu aliakaum, Sometimes Hopeless Sister,

Sis, you've brought up some great questions. What is the difference between pride and self-esteem? How does one increase one's self-esteem? 

So, let's start. Let's open our Qurans. Ready? 

"I am better than him. You created me from fire

  but You created him from clay."(Surah Sad: 76)

Who said that? 

Yup, you are right. That was Shaytaan who said that.

And that, my friend, is the clearest example of negative pride. Pride, as we can see then, is to imagine that you are better than others. It's when you look at others and think, "Cough. You pathetic loser. You are so beneath me. You can only dream of being someone as great and worthy as wonderful ME". While that sounds funny, the truth is pride is basically an inherent belief  that you are above others and that others are less than you. This was the mistake that Shaytaan made in that verse. He looked at himself and couldn't fathom why Allah would command him to bow down to Adam. 

The Quran also shows us another example of negative pride in the form of "Qarun" in the Quran. Just who was Qarun?

Indeed, Qarun was from the people of Moses, but he tyrannized them. And We gave him of treasures whose keys would burden a band of strong men; thereupon his people said to him, "Do not exult. Indeed, Allah does not like the exultant. (76) But seek, through that which Allah has given you, the home of the Hereafter; and [yet], do not forget your share of the world. And do good as Allah has done good to you. And desire not corruption in the land. Indeed, Allah does not like corrupters." (77) He said, "I was only given it because of knowledge I have." Did he not know that Allah had destroyed before him of generations those who were greater than him in power and greater in accumulation [of wealth]? .....{78} Al Qassas

You see how Qarun attributed the blessings he had been given to himself? How he felt that he was the one who earned them and brought them for himself? How vain he was?

On the other hand, the Quran shows us a clear example of healthy self esteem.

And the king said, "Bring him to me; I will appoint him exclusively for myself." And when he spoke to him, he said, "Indeed, you are today established [in position] and trusted." (54) [Yusuf] said, "Appoint me over the storehouses of the land. Indeed, I will be a knowing guardian." (55) [Surat Yusuf]

Yusuf goes on later to say: My Lord, You have given me [something] of sovereignty and taught me of the interpretation of dreams. Creator of the heavens and earth, You are my protector in this world and in the Hereafter. Cause me to die a Muslim and join me with the righteous." (101)

As we can see from these two verses, Yusuf alyhee wa salam asked the King to give him the position basically of Treasury of State. Although that's a high position, Yusuf didn't ask for it because he wanted to show off. He asked for the position because he knew he had been blessed by Allah with certain capabilities and he wanted to use those abilities as best as he could. "He wanted to dispense the harvest in the wisest, best and most beneficial way [Qtafsir.com]". The second verse clearly displays that Yusuf recognized that what he had came from Allah and that it was Allah who had blessed him with certain talents. That's where he was very different from Qarun.

Look also how he asks Allah to let him join with the righteous. A person with good self esteem doesn't feel good about himself by putting others down. Yusuf alyhee as salam didn't look at others and think that he was better than them. He didn't say, "I'm the prophet. You people are beneath me." He asked to be of the good people. A person with good self-esteem knows that he is a special person, yet he/she is still humble. 

Okay, so where are we going with this?

Healthy self esteem is when you realize that you were created by Allah perfectly and that He fashioned you. You realize that you are someone valuable and worthy, just like all of your fellow human beings. You don't put yourself down and you don't put others down, either.

 Good self esteem is when you can recognize the gifts and opportunities Allah gave you and be grateful for them and ask Allah to keep blessing you.

Pride, on the other hand, is when you look down on others and think that you are the best. It's when you're praying and thinking 'You losers, you. I'm the best. Look at how amazing I pray. I am so going to jannah. Wish there were more people like me."  

So how can we nurture good self esteem? 

Hun, every one of us has some talent...be it the way you sing (nasheeds :P), how quick you are with numbers, how well you put colors together, how well you are at cooking/poetry/ painting....even your beautiful smile :) Every one of us has something special about us. 

In an earlier post, we gave some of the following ideas:

*  Write a list of things that you like about yourself. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s important that you recognize your good values, whether it’s how patient you are or how you help your little brother with his homework. You should be able to think up of at least 10 things that you like about yourself. Whenever you’re feeling a little down, just take out your list and remind yourself of how special you are. You can even talk to yourself in the mirror. 

* Don't listen to rude and insulting words. If five people call you ugly, then you tell yourself five times that you are beautiful. Don't let others tell you what to think about yourself!

* Part of feeling good about yourself comes from accomplishing things. Now, don’t get me wrong- these don’t have to be big things, even getting small things done can make you feel a lot better. So the next step is to try to write a few goals. 


Remember, we can all work on some things. What is it about you that you wish you could improve? Maybe you get angry really quickly? Or you say what’s on your mind without thinking? You know yourself best. Write down a few goals on a sheet of paper. I recommend writing it as if you’ve already accomplished it. For example,“I now clean my room without being told”. If you read your goals each day, you should feel motivated to really work on it.

Here are some other interesting ideas and tips: http://www.wikihow.com/Develop-Self-Esteem

Sisters, share your tips, too :)

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Safety, First?

I have something that is REALLY bothering me and this something is REALLY serious.
Hijab. I am in love with hijab. I adore hijab. I think hijab is beautiful. I firmly believe that my Lord has commanded me to wear hijab.
I WANT hijab.
But here's the problem...I've been quiet about this for the most part on the web, but I don't wear hijab yet. And it kills me. Every. Single. Time. I. Leave. The. House. I know what I am doing is  terribly wrong (please throw in a dua for me). Let me explain...
I live in a tiny tiny town with my Mom and Dad. Muslims are slim to nill. There were a couple, but my parents had some rough experiences with the Muslim community in the past and so we kind of broke away from it. I'm pretty sure I am the only Muslim female student on my campus...I know there's brothers, but I don't know them personally.
My parents are very Allah-conscious and have always raised me to be the same. They encourage me to pray, fast, and be a good Muslim and the three of us are trying the best we can despite the difficulties of our situation (and Allah knows best). But there is one thing I cannot seem to make them budge on and that is hijab. They are not against it by any means and in fact, my Mom wants to start wearing it herself as well. But because of our situation, they are extremely worried about our safety and they will not allow me to wear hijab yet. InshaAllah we are planning on migrating to my Mom's country (Malaysia) once I finish my undergrad studies, but that is another 3 or more years and a long time to go without wearing hijab.
I know that hijab is obligatory upon us and I don't feel comfortable that my mom and I are not observing it. I am afraid of the sins we are accumulating every time we leave our house. My parents have good intentions and they want to protect me, but I know that Allah would protect us if we wore the hijab. I have tried so many times to explain to them its importance and they understand it and believe in it. But they just keep saying that we can't do it right now and I don't know how to change their minds.
 I thought about going behind my parent's back and wearing it, but what if they found out? Do they have the power to stop me from wearing it? It is wrong to obey them in this? Should I just wear it? Can they stop me? I don't know what to do anymore dearest auntie. I am single and after Allah my parents are all I have in this place as my family lives so far away. I do not want to disobey them and I know they are just trying to keep me safe with all of the Muslim backlash and with me being a young woman, but it is almost unbearable to live with the knowledge that I am disobeying my Creator. It's a mess, but Alhamdullilah, I look at our brothers and sisters who are suffering and indeed it could always be worse.
But I really need your help. I don't know how to change my parent's minds as they seem to be firm upon their decision. They know that hijab is mandatory and I have read to them from igotitcovered, etc., but nothing changes. I have faith that Allah will help us and I thank Him for guiding me to Dear Little Auntie. It feels so good to just let all of this out.
Any advice you may have will be much appreciated. May Allah grant you the best of this world and the Jannatul Firdous in the next and may He bless you, guide you, forgive you, and be with you always.

wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo,

awww, sister, your email really touched me. I see a daughter torn between wanting to obey her parents and wanting to fulfill her Lord's commands.I see a Muslim girl, although alone in her university, fully aware that she is not alone and that Allah is with her. 

So..what to do?

First of all, from an Islamic point of view, it is entirely okay to wear the hijab behind your parent's back. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience if it involves disobedience towards Allaah; obedience is only in that which is right and proper.” Narrated by (al-Bukhaari (7257) and Muslim (1840).  

Let's take an analogy. Imagine your parents were against praying salah.or against reading Quran. Would you obey them? You would probably try and find ways to pray/ read behind their back (just like a convert does).

Does that mean that I am advising you to do it behind their back? Well, I still think you could try talking to them about it again.

This time, don't try to convince them that the hijab is mandatory. They already believe that and they firmly believe that you will eventually do it. What you need to talk to them about is their primary concern: your safety. That should be your focal point.

1. Ask them for a trial period: ask them to try wearing it for one day or two days. Tell them that if you feel that your safety was jeopardized, you won't bring up the matter again...but if nothing happens, could you at least be given the chance to experience wearing it?

2. Tell them the different safety measures that you will be taking: 

a) Agree that you will not go out alone while wearing the scarf

b) Remind them that you will always have your cell phone with you (ready to call if anyone tries to do something

c) Buy things like pepper spray and promise to carry them with you (and other safety products: http://www.safetygirl.com/)

d) Ask about taking a self defense course

e) Talk to the security department in your university before wearing the hijab and ask for their protection

3. Research what the violence is like in your city. Have there ever been any recorded crimes against hijab? What actions were taken? If there weren't any problems, why live in fear? 

4. Show them success stories of hijab :) Recently, a young Muslim girl, a graduate of CU Boulder, was photographed with Barack Obama. She was an outspoken member in her university and was known for her commitment to excellence. She was also just chosen to represent the United States of America in a UN meeting this August. All this,while wearing hijab.  

5. Go out and do it. After wearing it for 2 or 3 weeks or even a month, talk to them about your experience with it.

Finally, although I know that you are planning to emigrate to a Muslim country, I thought these verses were a powerful reminder:  

Indeed, those whom the angels take [in death] while wronging themselves - [the angels] will say, "In what [condition] were you?" They will say, "We were oppressed in the land." The angels will say, "Was not the earth of Allah spacious [enough] for you to emigrate therein?" For those, their refuge is Hell - and evil it is as a destination. (97)Except for the oppressed among men, women and children who cannot devise a plan nor are they directed to a way - (98) For those it is expected that Allah will pardon them, and Allah is ever Pardoning and Forgiving. (99) [Surat al Nisa]

When a person is truly oppressed, then they can claim oppression as their excuse not to do what Allah has commanded.

But that is why it is important that you exhaust every method possible before thinking that you can't do it/ you're stuck in a non-Muslim land/etc.

Well, sister, I pray that things are easier for you. May Allah soften your parents' hearts and let the hijab be easy for you.

P.S. Don't forget to start your days with adkhar, too :)

P.S.S. Please note that although I mentioned that young woman who was photographed with Obama, I do not approve of shaking the hands of men.

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Jannah-tainable

How can i make Jannah seem more real and attainable to me?- This is my main question since i can only imagine Jannah but i cant make myself focus on it and i dont know why!I cant seem to figure out a way to make Jannah a real goal for myself since it seems so AMAZING but nearly impossible,..I dont know how to make myself see it as real ...I know this is a silly question but I need help with my imaan.

Dear Sis,

That’s not a silly question at all. The truth is that most of us suffer from the very same problem; as much as we claim we believe in jannah, the Hereafter seems very distant.

In fact, as you said, all too often, it seems almost like an impossible dream…beautiful, amazing..but not exactly real.

So, then, how can we turn it into something concrete in our minds?

One idea is to go scuba diving.

Lol. Seriously, though, one thing that has always stumped me is the fact that so many wonders lie under the sea. Caves, coral, diverse creatures, colors of every kind…. These things are so close to us, yet at the same time…it’s a whole other world out there.

Reflecting on the fact (that such an incredible world already exists right underneath us/ next to us), should help us realize that jannah is also very much real. [We simply don’t see it, right now :D}

Really, think about it.

And think about all the other amazing natural scenes around us? Just look at the pictures! Subhan Allah, there are so many stunning places-waterfalls, islands, forests, mountains, etc that are absolutely breathtaking.  Try going out and watching the sunrise or sunset at a beach…

When we reflect on these scenes, we realize that if such beauty could exist here on earth, who’s to say that there isn’t something more beautiful out there? If all this can exist in a place where we sin and go against Allah’s commands, what about a place where there are no sins? 

SubhanAllah, every year, by way of the seasons, Allah shows us His ability to take away life and bring it back ...to something even more beautiful. Think about how the trees look in winter and how they blossom in spring. In the very same way, we are going to leave this earth...and blossom in paradise, inshaAllah.

On the other hand, sometimes, it’s not a matter of not believing it exists, but of overwhelming ourselves with thoughts like “How could I deserve that?”

To make it a real goal, we have to first, stop visualizing it as a place for “perfect people”. It is a “perfect place”, created by the Most Perfect (Allah) for His slaves of this dunya who turn to Him, despite their imperfections. Allah says:

And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous (133) ……………… And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who can forgive sins except Allah? - and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know. (135) Those - their reward is forgiveness from their Lord and gardens beneath which rivers flow [in Paradise], wherein they will abide eternally; and excellent is the reward of the [righteous] workers. (136) [Surat Al Imran]

Notice how Allah says that these servants sometimes do wrong themselves, but that they do not persist in their wrong doing and turn back to Allah.

It’s not a matter than of being perfect, but of constantly doing tawbah and returning back to Allah.

In fact, in order for us to think of the possibility of even entering jannah, we have to put our faith, hope and trust in Allah’s Mercy. We should of course do actions to help us gain His Mercy, but we should never make the mistake of thinking that we could “earn” paradise by our deeds alone.

Bukhari Volume 8, Book 76, Number 471:Narrated 'Aisha:Allah's Apostle said, "Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately and know that your deeds will not make you enter Paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allah's is the most regular and constant even though it were little."

Bukhari Volume 8, Book 76, Number 470:Narrated Abu Huraira:Allah's Apostle said, "The deeds of anyone of you will not save you." They said, "Even you (will not be saved by your deeds), O Allah's Apostle?" He said, "No, even I (will not be saved) unless and until Allah bestows His Mercy on me. Therefore, do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately, and worship Allah in the forenoon and in the afternoon and during a part of the night, and always adopt a middle, moderate, regular course whereby you will reach your target (Paradise)."

You see? You don't need to overwhelm yourself. Instead,  like any goal we make, we need to break it down into small, identifiable tasks that we can do. We need to open the Quran and make a checklist of the actions that will bring us closer to this goal:

Certainly will the believers have succeeded: (1) They who are during their prayer humbly submissive (2)And they who turn away from ill speech (3) And they who are observant of zakah (4) And they who guard their private parts (5) Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed - (6) But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors - (7) And they who are to their trusts and their promises attentive (8) And they who carefully maintain their prayers - (9) Those are the inheritors (10) Who will inherit al-Firdaus. They will abide therein eternally. (Surat Al Mu’minoon)

Why not make a chart with these things listed? Put the chart up in your room and check each day what you’ve done to bring you closer.

And keep reading more of the Quran and seeing what other things that you should do. Make these actions goals that you want to accomplish. Measure your progress towards these goals and give yourself some rewards (or punishments :P) to help you more.

Try reading our articles on Consistency and Imaan, too.

And finally, before I press publish, I just want to say one last thing: imagine that your friend told you about an amazing place which had incredible things..and that all you had to do to get there was X and Y and Z, for example. Wouldn’t you believe her when she told you that the place existed? And wouldn’t you try to do those very things to get that “ticket”? It’s the same thing here.  

 May Allah make us like the Companion who threw the dates on the ground and said ‘Bekhin, bekhin” because he felt he could smell the jannah. 

With love,

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My Friend. The Concert. and Me.

Ok so I have a problem that's been bugging me all of a sudden. I have a Muslim friend who wears hijab but is absolutely in love with music. I don't talk to her about her music I don't show interest in it just to give her the idea that you know maybe if I'm like that you shouldnt either kind of thing, to be an example. But obviously that doesn't work, as I've come to realise in this case. So I guess since I haven't showed any interest she talks about her music with people who care like non Muslims and such. Keep in mind this has happened since like high school and now I'm in university. Now sheis planning to go to some concert in our town to see her favorite band.
Anyways, the thing is that I know that I'm to blame to some degree for this because I encouraged her by ignoring this love for music she has. I know that I should be a better friend and stop this by giving her sincere advice. The problem I have is how do i do this?
We're close friends although it's hard to explain since I don't share this love for music with her. I chose to ignore it because I knew that if I cared to acknowledge this I would become just like her, like the Prophet (SAW) said.
The thing is that I want to connect with her on an islamic level and advise her in a way where i don't hurt her feelings, or give advice that will not make her think Im doing it because she thinks im better than her. I know I have to do it properly, so please givee me advice on how to give advice. I dont want to see her do this, to go to that concert. I know if I can connect with her maybe this will be the first step to connecting with her on a more islamic level.
Jasakullah Khair,A confused/worried friend

Dearest a Worried Friend, 

First of all, I want to say that it's really refreshing to see that you are concerned with your friend's Hereafter. What's even more beautiful about your email is that you are concerned even with the part you might have played or not played in your friend's addiction. See, so many of us would be like "I don't listen to music. I don't tell her about any songs. Alhamdullialh, I'm all good. IF she chooses to listen to music, what she does is nona my beezwax". But your email shows that you are aware of a greater role you have.  You're aware that your role includes the role of a "protector" as the Quran says:

And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends (awliyah) one of another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger. As for these, Allah will have mercy on them. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise.} [9:71]

This is something many of us forget. We forget that that "ignoring" something is an action, itself. It's a "choice" that we make. By not saying anything about it, we shine the green light. We tell them that what they're doing is "okay".  [We wouldn't let our friends jump off a cliff, would we? Why do we let them jump into sins which could be more dangerous to them in the Hereafter?]

I'm saying this not to you (who seem to have already  understood this) but to myself first of all and the other sisters who are reading this. It's something so many of us have fallen into.

So now..what can you do about it? How can you go bring up the issue with her without "hurting" or 'offending her"?

The first method is the "honest and sincere friend" method. It's the direct approach. 

To do this you need to first talk about what she does that is good and then bring up what you would like to help her with. Make sure to mention how difficult it is for you to talk about this and the reason why you are talking about it: to help her. Let her know how you would appreciate her help, too, in whatever you need help in.

 Most of all, talk to her from your heart just like you did in this email--

Try saying something like this:

"Sara/Fatimah/whatever, there's something I really need to talk to you about. It's been eating me up for the past few weeks...I really am not sure how to say this..You know, right, how I've always admired the fact that you're one of the few girls with us who choose to wear hijab and *e.g* pray the prayers regularly, ma'shaAllah ta'barakAllah? That really shows how you're proud to be a Muslim and how you are trying to put Allah first, ma'shaAllah. Well, the thing is, you know that concert you want to go to? I know you love that group and you're really excited about it, but as your Muslim sister who loves for you what she loves for herself, I'm not really sure that's a great idea. I know you might be thinking "Spare me the lecture" and honestly, I thought a lot before being able to say anything about it..The only reason why I'm telling you this is because Allah told us to help each other on His path. The thing is, subhanAllah, scholars today actually talk about how music itself isn't permissible..what about going to a concert where there's going to be people dancing and maybe even drinking and doing other things? Can you really imagine telling the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam that you're going to a concert? What about Allah who gave you the gift of your ears?  

 Give her a chance to talk....Hear her out. Wait for her to finish.

Once she's done talking and it's your turn, it can be very tempting to "pounce/ show where her thinking is "wrong".  But what I've found out (especially from a book about teaching, lol) is that doesn't usually get someone to listen to you. If you want her to continue listening to you, it's important to reaffirm her feelings. Acknowledge her feelings/ what she's said. You can say something like "I really do know that you were really looking forward to it/ I can tell that what I told you made you a little hurt/ I know you don't need another mommy. You definitely could have more imaan in your heart than me and I'm definitely not judging you, but the thing is, about what you said..

And then, calmly address whatever she has to say:

- For example, if she brings up having already bought the ticket: "Since you already bought the ticket and you feel bad about wasting that money, what if you consider that by not going you spent that much money trying to please Allah? Getting a ticket to Allah's pleasure? or even: I'd gladly get that ticket off your hands and have no problem paying you for it. "

IF she tells you:  "Everyone's going" you can smile and say "Well,you know, I'm not going and I was thinking of having a nice little gathering in my house with some halaal nasheeds, good food,and good friends. It would be a chance to get out our hair curlers and make up and dress up :P

If she says something like " You live only once" , you could say "It's true that our culture says that but in reality, we live twice. Every action we take, we're going to have to face on the Day of Judgment".   

Once you've answered whatever she's said, it's up to her to decide to accept the nasiha or not. Give her some time to digest what you've told her. That's the first method :)

The second method is the indirect approach, where you post a video, hadith, fatwa, tafsir, etc. on your facebook page (for example) talking about music and you tag your friends in it. Or you email it to them (if they do not have facebook). You say something like "I've learned some more information about music in Islam and I thought it was too important not to share".

This method is riskier in the sense that she might not actually see it. You could however tell her in person that you watched something and it really changed your perception on music and invite her to watch it with you. The Deen Show had some interesting episodes on this :) 

Like this one, by a former musician who studied music and knows way more about music than most of us and shocking truths about it:

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhm1oL7OZ1Q 

Once you've done either of these 2 steps, even if you feel like it didn't work and she's still into music, you can still connect more on an Islamic level by bringing up other topics. Turn your your attention to other things. You can share with her an interesting Islamic lecture such as Yasmin's "Love and Selecting Your Marriage Partner". 



Share with her an interesting story you heard about the Sahaba or funny joke of the prophet (sallah Allahoo alyhaee wa salm). Try getting her interested in nasheeds or discovering even interesting Islamic lectures (short ones like Quran Weekly)....Be patient and make dua for her =)

Well sister, that's my little advice for you. My deeeeeeeeepest apologies for the late reply!

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Honesty and Cheating

My parents have always stressed the importance of education and I've always worked very hard to get the best grades possible. There's only one small thing. I somehow fell into the habit of cheating over the years. As I'm now becoming  a better Muslim, I feel the need to stop. I need some help in this!

Asalamualaikum wa rahmatullah!

I sincerely do apologize for the late reply. Please forgive me.

Alhamdulillah, I'm glad you've realized that cheating's not the way to go. It could get any one of us in trouble not only in this world, but also in the hereafter. May Allah swt guide us all. Ameen!

Okay, now on to your question, I can tell you what I would do/did in this situation.

First-off, let's take what you said: "I've always worked very hard to get the best grades possible. There's only one small thing. I somehow fell into the habit of cheating over the years." Do you see how that's a bit contradictory? :P We have to always remind ourselves that Allah swt is always watching. I was just telling my brothers the other day when they were taking an online assessment, "I'm not watching you. There's no way I'll know of you use Google to look up answers, your teachers also won't know, but Allah swt WILL know. The One who actually counts will know. Allah is the all seeing and the all hearing. You won't be able to hide from him." And then think about it, do we really want to cheat in front of Allah swt? The One who created us? shaped us? Made us? The One who bestowed so many blessings upon us...how can we not be ashamed to do it in front of Him? I remember from a recent MSA event, the speaker was talking about the topic "double life" and how we need to as Muslims recognize and know Allah swt, how we should learn of his attributes and truly try understanding them do it'll be easier for us to adhere to the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad saw.

And then, think about how much better you would feel if the work you did and the grade you got was actually the one you deserved? If you did really well, then you'd feel accomplished, right? And if you don't do so well, it's okay. We all learn from our mistakes. Now you'd know what you'd have to improve on. Do your best, and trust in Allah swt.

"One day Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it and he asked the Bedouin, “Why don’t you tie down your camel?” The Bedouin answered, “I put my trust in Allah.” The Prophet then said, “Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah” (At-Tirmidhi)."

Renew your niyah. Why are you going to school? Every single action we do can ideally become a source of 'ibaadah. What's leading to you to being dishonest in this matter? Ask yourself these questions.

Make du'aa to Allah swt. May He guide us all to the straight path.

There's an ayah in the Quran that says:

Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows that which you do. (29:45)

That means, the effect of salah stops a Muslim from sin. That is why you have got to focus on improving your prayer. Make two rak'aah nafl and ask Allah swt to make this easy for you.

"... if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed." (I am as my servant thinks of me Hadith, related in Bukhari).

 SubhanAllah, just ponder over this!

Make use if the tools we're given through the sunnah. Remember the du'aa when studying:

Allahhumma laa sahla illaa ma ja'althu sahla wa anta taj 'allul hazna idhaa shi'ta sahla.

"Oh Allah, you can make the difficult if you wish easy."

And study well! Be prepared! Read our tips on how to correctly study and get the best grades possible. 

Finally, if you cheated with your friend's "help", tell your friends that you've given it up. You want to get the best grade possible for both tests (the Hereafter and this test) and to do that, you can't cheat. Tell them that you appreciate they're "not helping" you in this way anymore, but they are welcome to quiz you and really study with you, etc. 

Well sister, we wish you the best grades possible! Allah ma'aki (Allah is with you).
Apple Blossoms

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