Consistency

I can't feel any consistency on what i am doing.. that includes my FAITH...sometimes i feel like i wanna pray now with full intentions and then later i won't. same goes on my fasting, studies,work. etc.. I know what is wrong, and what is right, what is obligatory and what is haraam and that i have been into a islamic university for almost ten years.. and i tell you that's the biggest problem. I've been thinking so hard on this all the time. i was thinking that maybe, i haven't yet understood the ESSENCE on what i'm doing for me to appreciate it.please let me know.. i want to change these habits, before its too late, i want to do things firmly with sincerity in my heart. i want to do this for ALLAH's sake,i wanna be like you guys.. and i hope you could give me a new start... thanks a lot :))

Dear Sister,

First of all, I apologize for taking so long to answer you. But seriously, you asked a great question. You said you know what's halal and what's not...what's obligatory and what's not permissible. You go to an Islamic university you know all the rules. And yet, you're lacking consistency....

Sister, you have hit right on the nail! That is the problem most of us have. 

If we look to the Qu'ran, it  says:

{So stand (O Muhammad) firm and straight (on the religion of Islam) as you are commanded.} (Hud 11: 112)

Commenting on this verse, Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said that no other verse from the entire Qur’an was revealed upon the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) that was harder upon him than this verse. And due to this, he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "(The surah of) Hud and its companions have made my hair white".

Allahu A'alim, but from this hadith, we can deduce that remaining steadfast in this world of temptation (dunya) is not easy. That is the TEST.

There are days when you wake up and you don't feel like doing anything but staying in bed.......days when you feel like you can't stand your parents....days when your heart breaks because you didn't get something you were really really hoping for...

There are temptations everywhere you look- what you watch- what you hear- the people around you. 

There's an enemy who is constantly trying to mislead you....

 “… surely I [Shaytaan] will sit and wait against them on Your Straight Path. Then I will come to them from before them and behind them, from their right and from their left, and You will not find most of them as thankful ones.” Surah al-A’raf 16-17." 

And there is your heart, in the middle of it all, which forgets....Forgets that it's in a test. Forgets that there is a day that we will stand before Allah and face the consequences of our decisions. 

An Arab poet once said: 

“He is only called insaan (man) because of his nasyaan (forgetfulness)And it is only called al-qalb (the heart) because it constantly varies (yataqallib).”

I know that you said that you seem to have not gotten the "Essence" of things...but the reality is that the Essence is very simple:

 We are creations who will be brought forth to our Creator, who is the Most Merciful, but at the same time, the Just. And we will stand 'trial' .

In fact, if we put it in even more simple terms, the essence is that: we believe and that we act on our beliefs. 

On the authority of Abu `Amr - and he is also called Abu `Amrah - Sufyan ibn `Abdullah Ath-Thaqafi (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: "O Messenger of Allah, tell me something about Islam which I can ask of no one but you." He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Say: ‘I believe in Allah’,  and then be Steadfast". (Muslim)

What helps us with this essence is 

 a) Making Dua

Our Lord! Let not our hearts deviate (from the truth) after You have guided us…” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:8 – interpretation of the meaning];

“Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him,  said, ‘The Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam used to repeatedly say, “O Controller of the hearts! Make my heart steadfast upon Your religion” so I said to him, ‘O Prophet of Allaah! We believed in you and in what you came with; do you fear that we may deviate?’ He said, “Yes, all mankind’s hearts are between two of the fingers of Allaah. He changes them as He pleases” (Tirmithi & Ibn Maajah).

b) Learning who is our Creator and loving Him.

 One reason many of us lack consistency is because we don't actually understand who Allah is.  What does it mean that He's As-Shakur, or The Ever Appreciative? What does it mean that He's Al Wakeel? ....

Let's look at the example of His Name "Al Ghani" (which we did in an earlier post)

Moses said, "If you should disbelieve, you and whoever is on the earth entirely - indeed, Allah is Free of need (Al Ghani) and Praiseworthy." . (Surah Ibrahim, 14:8).

Reflecting on this Name, we realize that Allah is not in need of our faith, our worship or our obedience. If the whole world were to become unbelievers, that would not harm Him in the least. The truth is that His is an endless treasury. As opposed to this, we are all poor and all 'in need'. Even rich people. NO matter how rich they are, they are still dependent on Allah, and nothing stays in their hands. Allah said:

O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another. O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance of Me and I shall guide you, O My servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food of Me and I shall feed you. O My servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek clothing of Me and I shall clothe you. O My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness of Me and I shall forgive you. O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and will not attain benefitting Me so as to benefit Me. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as pious as the most pious heart of any one man of you, that would not increase My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you, that would not decrease My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more that a needle decreases the sea if put into it.....

IF you can reflect and actually live with that Name, alone, you are bound to reach a higher state of Ihsan, because you will realize the truth of your relationship with Allah- He does not need you but you are in desperate need of Him. 

IN fact, in another verse Prophet Mosa says: "My Lord, indeed I am, for whatever good You would send down to me, in need." 

 When you learn more about His Names, you are confronted with His (utter) Perfection and our imperfection- His Magnificent abilities and our weaknesses. 

And you learn to love Him.

Think about it. What is a young girl willing to do for a man that she loves? Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala is beyond compare. He is the One who created you, decided that His mercy would prevail over His wrath, answered your prayers, given you the air you breathe and food you eat. Every moment of the day, He is watching you...

"He (the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) said: That you worship Allah as if you are seeing Him, for though you don't see Him, He, verily, sees you.” 

Many sisters have recommended this series: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TuM-L-btDrc

c) Remember Death

There will come a moment and it will be your last. You will not get to drink even an extra sip of water...And you will not be able to have even one more moment to say "Alhamdillah". The angels will stand at your side and your soul will depart. No one standing next to you will be able to help you. And your Hereafter will begin. 

Although we often say that "death is a reality", many of us do not actually live that way. Write down your "will" just an exercise. Sit down in your room. Turn off all the lights and imagine for real that you are in your grave. Ask yourself the questions you will be asked at the grave:

* Who is your lord?

* What is your religion?

* Who is this man that was sent among you? 

And when you're done asking yourself these questions, tell me, what do you feel like doing? 

D) Make realistic goals. 

All too often we set unrealistic goals for ourselves. We want to be "super Muslimahs" right NOW. We want to do everything at once- kickstart a halaqah, memorize the whole Quran, pray tahajud all night, etc. Unfortunately, instead of actually doing these things, we often end up overwhelming ourselves. 

What you can do instead is work on ONE THING per week/ month. Decide on a new thing you want to do (e.g. fast the extra days) and work on that for a while. Once you've successfully done it a couple of times (several months, a couple of weeks, depends on you), you can add a new ibahada/ thing to do.

Do give yourself a small reward when you're doing well, :)

E) Have a heart to heart talk

When you do find yourself laxing off, sit down and actually have a real conversation with yourself.

Ask yourself " Where are you headed? What's going on? What has caused this change? What small things can you do to make things right again?" (E.g. saying the daily adkhar) Don't ignore it and hope that somehow you're going to get better on yourself. You need to actually confront yourself and work on it.
Think about your place in jannah....Think about what you WANT and how you will get it in jannah, inshaAllah. 

Other than that, you can get more ideas on how to be improve your imaan and be more consistent from this post, here; http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2010/12/fed-up-of-roller-coaster-ride.html

I hope the other sisters also share their tips!

May Allah guide us all =)

P.S. I don't want you to ever want to be like us. "Online" it's very easy to seem like we're "perfect Muslimahs", but the reality is that we also have our own struggles and problems, too.