Feeling Ugly

assalamu alaykum i have a question? if you could post an advice for me insha'Allah. since i have started wearing hijab, i noticed that im losing my feminity. i dont think myself attractive anymore. im always wearing frumpy clothes at home, i stopped wearing earrings. i dont know. when i come back home, i just feel lazy to make myself pretty again so i stay like that at home. if you have any advice thanks

Wa’alykum as salam, dearest Feeling UnFeminine,

You know, that’s a really good (tough, LOL) question. I know we can all have those ‘frump days’. Those days when we feel kinda blue and not exactly very glamorous or pretty. But you know what? The hijab was never meant to make us ‘lose our femininity’. It was meant to ‘guard’ and ‘treasure’ that femininity…

The problem with us is that we have associated ‘beauty’ with ‘people’s admiring attention’. We think ‘well, no one can really see me, anyways, so whatever. In reality, though, you see yourself, don’t you? You count! You have to ‘love yourself’ enough that you ‘dress up for yourself’.

Also, what about your family? I’m not sure if you are living with your family or not, but if you are, don’t they count? Think about all the times your parents used to dress you up when you were a little girl. Do you really want them to come home and find you all ‘sweatpants with an old p.j.’s shirt that you found buried in the bottom of your closet’? (Your parents might start to wonder why they buy you clothes anyway if you don’t dress up a bit. :P)

Besides, the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam directed his companions upon returning from a journey:

 ‘You are returning to your brethren, dress nicely, and sort out your rides so that you may become a beauty mark among people, for Allah does not like sloppiness or acting in a sloppy way.’

Also, we all know that hadith about arrogance and the Companion who asked about ‘getting dressed up’? The Prophet sallah Allahoo alyheae wa salam answered in the hadith that Allah is beautiful and likes beauty.

And don’t forget this hadith:

Yahya related to me from Malik from Zayd ibn Aslam that Ata ibn Yasar told him that the Messenger of Allah was in the mosque when a man came in with dishevelled hair and beard. The Messenger of Allah motioned with his hand that he should be sent out to groom his hair and beard.

So what can you do that won’t take too much time and effort?

• Get your hair done. If there are no salons that have only women hair dressers/private areas near you, ask your friends if any one does ‘cut hair’ or ‘dyes’ hair. This is something you only have to do once and probably won’t take too much time, but it can make all the difference (if they do a good job, LOL!). You can also get ‘henna’ done…that should make you feel feminine.

• Make a distinction between p.j.s and home clothes.  If you can get your hands on them, one thing that are really nice to wear are jalabiyas; they’re ‘dresses’ and they’re also usually designed very femininely and nicely. Here are two examples (but these are somewhat fancy pancy, lol. I have 3 and they’re much simpler than these but still nice and very comfy.)

  

But if you can’t get your hands on them, you can also wear what you used to wear ‘outside’ pre-hijab inside! 

• What about some ‘facials’? There are lots that take only like 5-10 minutes to make! Of course, you have to leave them on, usually for 20 minutes, though. But I mean you can do one like once every week or two weeks or something. Here’s a website with some that look pretty easy (but ignore the ‘skin lightening ones?). (I also had a friend tell me that whenever she’d cut a salad or something, and she had used things like cucumbers, etc., she’d take their peel and gently rub it on her face. She told me it left her feeling refreshed and her skin very soft.)

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  Buy yourself some nice shampoos, creams, maybe some pieces of jewelry. Try putting ribbons in your hair or even a flower. When it’s that time of the month, try putting on nail polish (but then I would suggest wearing gloves when you go outside, though…)

Now, here are some things you can do but that may take some time

•  Invite some sisters over/organize a Ramadan potluck iftar or something. Being around your fellow sisters may not only boost up your imaan but also give you a chance to dress up. I’m sure all the sisters will have fun. If you’re still a teen, you guys can even have a ‘make-up’ day where you put make-up on each other!

•  Get creative with your clothes at home. Make new outfits. Pair old things with new. If you’ve got any sewing talent, you can become your own fashion designer and cut and sew things together. If you’ve got an old long skirt, change it into a summery dress and so forth. 
• Remember that Fridays are our ‘small Eids’ so make an effort to dress up on Friday. 

Well, sis, these are just some small suggestions. I know it might seem like a ‘hassle’ to try them, but I’m sure that if you do, when you catch your reflection in the mirror, seeing yourself looking so good will boost up your mood and be worth the trouble. I bet it will even have a difference in even the way you carry yourself with hijab, inshaAllah!

Oh, but before I leave you though, always remember though that you are beautiful and that ‘wearing hijab’ doesn’t detract from your beauty: 

Lots of love,