But What is She Doing on the Internet?

Assalamu'alaikum, I have an Internet problem, too, but it's about my little sister. I have a 14 year old sister and she wants to browse the internet whenever she can. She uses it for more than two hours. I'm not sure what she's browsing or doing and I worry that she might be getting into things she shouldn't. I need your advice on how to handle this situation nicely.  If I say "no" she keeps nagging me and sometimes I get angry. How should I approach this?

Wa'alaikum salam wa rahmatullah, :D


I know exactly what you mean. I have the same problem with my younger sister and other siblings. I can tell you what helps me in this situation.

1. Try talking to your sister nicely and developing a good and strong relationship with her. Explain to her the harms and dangers of the internet. Maybe ask her what her favorite websites are. Tell her about yours. :) See, this problem right now could just be the first of many. Other things could follow now that she's in high school, and you want to be there for her so that she doesn't give in to peer pressure and such. Be open with her. I have a friend who has sisters who are 15 years older than her, and she loves them dearly still. If I'm not mistaken, she still goes to them when she has problems or whatnot. I've known her since we were 11-12 years old, so I know that the relationship has been there for a while. Since she was younger, her older sisters let her know that they would always be there for her. See, we have to build that bond with our sisters when they are younger. I'll give you an example about myself. My baby sister is 14 years younger than me; that quite a gap, isn't it? I'm trying to do small things with her--read her and my younger brothers bedtime stories from the stories of the sahaabah or the prophets nightly. Or we go for a walk around the block, just the two of us. I'm hoping she'll remember these times fondly when she gets older. 
2. Get your parents involved. Is she on the laptop or desktop computer? If you have a desktop computer, then at least solitude with the internet is not a problem. If you guys have  laptop, ask your parents to set a rule in the house which says that all the kids have to use the laptop on, say, the dining table for only a specific amount of time unless schoolwork is involved. But make sure everyone follows this rule, including you, otherwise, it's probably not going to work.
3.  Since we're the older children in the family, it's natural to feel protective over the younger siblings, but I also think it's important to understand that we're not the parents either. My brother and I always fall into this trap and we try "parenting" them. Yes, we can guide them nicely, but honestly, it's ultimately our parents' job. Our parents raised us, and now they'll raise them well too inshaAllah. Just learn to let it goooooo. :) Don't try getting too authoritative. We're the sisters; let's try staying that way!
4. Last but certainly not least, make du'aa to Allah (swt). That's the most important tool we have! We can't forget that, now can we? :)

This here is a great post a friend of mine wrote about her sister and their relationship over the years. It might help you with the issue at hand: Sisters--Ayesha and I

I sincerely hope this answer aided you in some way, inshaAllah. Thoughts or comments, anyone? :D

Love,

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My Broken Family Breaks My Heart

I don't know quite how to say this, I don't want to ruin the Ramadan buzz everyone has going on, but this is really breaking me apart. My family seems so...broken. There are arguments and disputes so much. It really hurts me because I love all my family so much. They should get along...they should see that it's Ramadan and they should make an effort at least. But that's not the main problem...the main thing is that my sister, who has had enough as well, is thinking of running away. I know this won't make anything better and now I need advice...
Thanks,
BrokenFamily

Assalamu Alaykum Dear Sister,

Your letter makes me want to give you one huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge hug. Here it is: HUGGGGG!
I can feel your pain; you really care about your family and it's so frustrating when it seems to be that they just don't get along for the sake of it. But, honey, if you really want to help them, try to look at it from their perspective...
Be empathetic. This means you've got to try to feel how they feel and truly understand what they think. It's really not that hard. Just pretend you're in their shoes. What problems are they facing? Do they really intend to be nasty? Why are they so angry/upset/lost/confused?

See?

You'll figure out that everyone in your family is facing some kind of their own troubles, obstacles and battles.
Now you can't be a superhero and make all these troubles ZAP away, unfortunately.
But you can do something which is actually a lot more amazing, a lot more powerful - you can make DUA.
Just find a quiet corner in your house, raise your hands up and plead. Plead with everything you've got inside you and spill out to your Lord. Allah loves you. He can help you and He wants you to ask Him for His Glorious Aid.

Keep Asking. Keep Asking. Keep Asking. Just Keep Pleading. However many days or weeks or months go by - keep asking.

HAVE HOPE and KEEP THE HOPE. I urge this to you dear sister, because Allah answers all our dua. Just remember to MAKE DUA.

As well as this, you can be a positive role model for your whole family;
You can be polite and respectful. You can be sure not to argue. You can be sure to obey your elders and pray and fast and give charity - and smile.


Maybe they will see this and try to do the same. You never know.


A simple smile can work so many wonders dear sis, please do try to smile more than you already do (: .

Maybe, also, you can try and help your family build more positive times together. Why not asking your sisters to pray with you at the mosque (since it is Ramadban)? Or asking your family if they are interested in having a Eid vacation this year. It doesn't have to be something fancy- maybe just a trip to a nearby town- but sometimes, going out, leaving the negative area, and building positive memories together is all that you need to do. Maybe you can get a simple board game and invite the family to play it together?

I do want to say though that I am a little concerned about your sister though; I think you need to show her that you are there for her. You may not be able to heal the wounds she may carry, but you can show her you're there. You can give her a hug when her face looks glum. You can be there. That may be all she needs.
Please do check this though for further advice for your sister. If it looks like she is very serious, you should bring up the issue with one of your parents.

Most of all, despite the fact you may feel scared and upset - never forget to always go to Allah.
Because He can help you. Pray your Salah with so much sincerity and plead and plead and plead.

'Voyage to your Lord, even if broken and bruised'

It's now your time to shine.

the wound is where the light enters

Have hope in Allah, make dua - Let the Light Enter.

I pray for a peaceful Ramadan for all my sisters, and peace in the home and in the heart. Ameen

Lots of Love. Please try, at least, to smile. :)

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