Public Speaking...eek!

I hate public speaking. I really do. I have a big presentation coming up and I am just sick of always failing in my presentations. I wish I could be confident and eloquent so that at least I would make Islam look good but I always freeze or mess up. I read your advice on studying and thought you might be able to help.

Assalamu Alaykum Sis,

Eep! Public speaking angst; you're not alone! It's good that your intention is to show Islam in a positive way, subhanAllah you truly want to be a good ambassador of Islam. :)
Speaking in front of people is hard for most normal people, trust me. Even people on tv/performers/politicians can get nervous and they do it all the time! The main thing is to show yourself + tell yourself that you can do it. Positive thinking does wonders, trust me. :)

We're gonna combat this with PPP. Preperation. Practice. Postivity. !!!

Preperation!
I want you to think of a time when you've felt really great about yourself. You feel really up there, like you can do anything. This sometimes comes after you've done sports - so maybe get into the habit of taking a trip to the gym/going for a jog/doing yoga in your bedroom before you study your presentation or start revising it!

Practice!
This one's self-explanatory - but you'll feel a lot less nervous once you know the contents insideoutbacktofront. People feel silly (me included!) doing this - but it helps to stand in front of the mirror or in front of a stuffed toy and simply practice! Run your mind through your presentation and speak clearly to your teddy/mirror/whatever you want to use. After this, ask a few friends to sit in front you. Ask your friends what they liked about your presentation? What are their 2 top suggestions for you? You can also try it in front of your family members. I would recommend going over your presentation 5 times =)
If you get nervous - remember the aims of your presentation and focus on why you're doing this.

Positivity!
Positivity is simple yet does wonders! Telling yourself it'll be okay, can calm your nerves. Keep telling yourself it'll be okay whenever negative thoughts try to push through. I believe in you, sis - I also believe that if you believe in yourself - you'll be fine.
Most of the time, the nervousness comes from fears of what the audience may be thinking or what may happen. Emphasis here on the may. It's not certain - so don't worry. :)
If something embarrassing does happen though, it's not the end of the world - simply laugh it off, shrug it off your shoulder and think water off a duck's back. :)


On the day of the presentation, make sure you have a light but energetic breakfast, get some fresh air and keep telling yourself that it'll be okay. Also, bring note cards with big font/handwriting/ so that you can remember your main ideas.


This article also may help - it gives great tips on dealing with the angst of Public Speaking.

Some more tips to make sure your presentation is fantastic!
1- If you fidget with your hands - use them instead! Make hand gestures - this makes you look passionate and confident.
2- Chin up! - Make sure your shoulders are relaxed, back straight and you look up. Some prefer to make eye contact with a few people in the room, some prefer to stare at the back wall - whatever you feel comfortable doing. A good posture and eye contact makes an audience think 'wow, this person knows what they're doing, they're confident and they are acing this presentation!' Woo! :)
3- Move! - If the room and style of your presentation permits, move around the room slightly. Again, it makes you look and feel a lot more confident but also keeps the audience engaged.

I hope these practical tips helped you. But the most important thing, which will help you the most when coupled with practical steps is...yep you guessed it sista: dua !!!


Hope your presentation goes well, inshaAllah! Let us know how you did :)

Oh, last tip - SMILE! :)

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Wanna Fly . . .

Everyday I wake up and go to school, come home and do whatever but I feel like I'm wasting my life. I want to please Allah but I'm just spending my time in such a boring way - I don't enjoy it... I want to make something of life.Yours, WannaFly.

Salaam WannaFly,

It’s really good you want to make something of life and I’m guessing from your sign off name, you want to escape the monotonous, draining atmosphere of daily life. Lots of people feel this way and it is completely normal to be generally bored of life after a while.

I’m happy that you’ve figured out what you need to do already (: , you’ve figured out that you need to strive in the way of Allah – you want to please Him. You know the change you want to make.

 You want your Lord. Alhamdulillah this is so great, Allah always accept His servants:

Bukhari :: Book 9 :: Volume 93 :: Hadith 502 Narrated Abu Huraira: 

The Prophet said, "Allah says: 'I am just as My slave thinks I am, (i.e. I am able to do for him what he thinks I can do for him) and I am with him if He remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I too, remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that is better than they; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes one cubit nearer to Me, I go a distance of two outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.' " 

He, Allah, the Most Loving and Most Kind and and Turner of Hearts wants you to come to Him. It’s inevitable to eventually be bored of life – we’re plunged in this dry desert of a dunya – pleading for our thirst to be quenched; do you want to know what the much needed glass of water, or coke, or orange juice, or milk; whatever your preferred beverage – the much needed drink to quench our thirst of boredom in this life – is remembrance of Allah. Yes, simple but oh so powerful my sister. (:

I want you to make a list of the priorities in your life. It doesn’t have to be in order to begin with, just write down all the things which you find important at this moment in your day to day life and activities then order them – what’s actually  important to you

Write down how you actually SPEND your days. What are you doing with all your precious time? Using it all for the sake of Allah?

“Verily, [by time] man is in loss,Except those who believe and do righteous deeds and (join together) in the mutual teaching of Truth, Patience and Constancy."

You could look in your community for old people's homes, nurseries, schools, charity shops, libraries where you can volunteer. Spending your time in the pursuit of gaining closeness to Allah, inshaAllah!

Join a sister's halaqa at the mosque - or make your own with the girls from school. Even online halaqas! Start a blog or even post a hadith or verse from the Quran on Facebook every few days. Spread Dawah! Pass out some books to friends or even to strangers if you're really brave!! Spend your time well, is what I'm trying to say. (:

Inject bursts of dhikr and worship into your daily timetable. Increase it! Make your life worthwhile; make it fresh with the remembrance of He who created you from clay. He who opens up buds in Spring and lets delicate snowflakes fall in Winter.

On this note, sometimes you feel like you’re on ‘autopilot’. Rushing around, trying to get things done, not quite knowing the purpose of WHY you’re doing this. Why am I spending 8 hours a night studying, why do I want to learn!? Renew your intentions in everything you do – ensure it’s for the sake of Allah!

Also, whilst you may feel you’re on autopilot, you should appreciate that which is around you.

                Allah says, "In the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the alternation of night and day, there are Signs for people of intelligence: those who remember Allah standing, sitting and lying on their sides." (3:190-191)

So remember Him.

Lastly, don’t worry. It does happen; it’s just really good that you’ve noticed this. Think about your life – and know you can always change it for the better.

Always for the better, inshaAllah.

Through the strives of changing for the better, always remember you’re seriously blessed, and never, ever alone – so smile (:

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Dare to Dream?

i belong to a middle class family and an average student my brother tops ( mashAllah )  he  was 3rd this time in school and i was just 69 % ( 1 % to b an A Grader  =P ) , i  want to make my parents dream come true , a Dream every parent wish , i live with my Grand parents dey r my inspiration , i  want to be a Huge Computer Engineer , i want to serve humanity , i want to see my Grand father Proud , he did aloot for me it makes  me cry wen he says wht he did fr us fr livelihood . but life is hard i just cant get on Track and Study Study Study , i alwys take our time for NEt , i  what makes u to work on d track u aim for ?   and i knw d other reason is , i m not so practising islam ... n i knw Dua has power undeniable  but as of those i heard famous people dey never knew dey will be successful ,like an i mean i want to be , its  hard. and in skool u need 80 % to get scholarship so ur fee will be free for an year , dey called scholarship-ed girls parents n dey were so Proud . i want to see my mom dis way . i want to feel good dat way . i love my parents , for whatever dey did i cant pay  back but still she says work hard. and study and i kinda dont stick to dis any tips to stick to ur Aim n Prove to Fulfill the dream
- Dared to Dream High&nbsp

Dear Dare to Dream High,

Sister, I know it can be hard when the dream is so high up and it's a strenuous uphill climb to get there. You can lose your focus and aim half way and it can feel awful - especially when you so desperately want to make your family happy. The thing with these sorts of dreams though are that they'll only be worthwhile if they're for the sake of One.
Not your parents. Nor your grandparents.
Not even yourself.
Though they all are motivators...

But the main reason why you should do anything at all is for Allah. 
For His sake.

When you write down firmly in your mind that you're doing this for ALLAH, then everything you do has a greater reason behind it, inshaAllah. It becomes an intention to serve Him.

Apart from our Main and First Purpose of being here - to worship and know Allah subhana wa ta ala.
We also have our own individual purposes. We're not here as mistakes. Everything around us and within us happens for a reason. Think about the processes and all the things which whiz around in our bodies... it all happens in a perfect order. It's beautiful, alhamdulillah.

One thing about growing up is that you find out your strength - what Allah has gifted you - to use. Use for His sake.

So it you've been gifted with intelligence, or a good memory, or perseverance, or empathy, or whatever - you've got to find out how you can use it for His sake.

Also, Allah, the Most Merciful also blessed you with a mind and body, right, so don't overwork yourself! It's so easy to do that and think you're being 'lazy' if you're not working every minute of the day! But quite honestly, you need a break! Slot in a designated time for sport or relaxing or writing or anything you do to unwind or chill out! Work Hard but Play Hard too!

Abu Productive from ProductiveMuslim sent this out:

When Ibrahim (Peace be upon him) completed the structure of the Ka’bah, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) commanded him to call the people to Hajj. Ibrahim (Peace be upon him) got confused he said, “O Allah! How shall my voice reach all of those people?” Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) told him that his duty was only to give the call and it was up to Allah to make it reach the people.
Here we have a beautiful productivity lesson; don’t worry about the results/outcome of your effort, rather worry about making the effort and ensuring you do the task to the best of your ability. If Ibrahim (Peace be upon him) saw that the expected outcome of his task is impossible, he would have given up and there would have been no Hajj. But, he relied upon Allah & did his best, he climbed Mount Arafat and called out in his loudest voice, “O People! Verily Allah has prescribed upon you Hajj, so perform Hajj.”
Every human being on earth at that time heard that call and Hajj began since that day. Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) revealed in the Qur’an: “And proclaim the Hajj among mankind. They will come to thee on foot and (mounted) on every camel, lean on account of journeys through deep and distant mountain highways” (Surat Al-Hajj, Ayat 28).

We should never stop ourselves from making the necessary effort to achieve something just because we think the results are impossible to achieve.
Do your part and leave the rest upon Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala).

I think that sums if up pretty well, honey.

Look, achieving your goals is always an uphill mission. But with faith, anything is possible. Ask Allah for anything and everything and only ask Him. He has a plan for you dear sister and you've got to trust that. Try your best and Trust Him.

and that 'little extra' is simply faith.

But it's not how high your build your dreams that makes the difference, but how high your faith can climb. 

Don't fret, honey! You can do this if you allow yourself to believe you can. So Smile <3 (:

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My Broken Family Breaks My Heart

I don't know quite how to say this, I don't want to ruin the Ramadan buzz everyone has going on, but this is really breaking me apart. My family seems so...broken. There are arguments and disputes so much. It really hurts me because I love all my family so much. They should get along...they should see that it's Ramadan and they should make an effort at least. But that's not the main problem...the main thing is that my sister, who has had enough as well, is thinking of running away. I know this won't make anything better and now I need advice...
Thanks,
BrokenFamily

Assalamu Alaykum Dear Sister,

Your letter makes me want to give you one huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge hug. Here it is: HUGGGGG!
I can feel your pain; you really care about your family and it's so frustrating when it seems to be that they just don't get along for the sake of it. But, honey, if you really want to help them, try to look at it from their perspective...
Be empathetic. This means you've got to try to feel how they feel and truly understand what they think. It's really not that hard. Just pretend you're in their shoes. What problems are they facing? Do they really intend to be nasty? Why are they so angry/upset/lost/confused?

See?

You'll figure out that everyone in your family is facing some kind of their own troubles, obstacles and battles.
Now you can't be a superhero and make all these troubles ZAP away, unfortunately.
But you can do something which is actually a lot more amazing, a lot more powerful - you can make DUA.
Just find a quiet corner in your house, raise your hands up and plead. Plead with everything you've got inside you and spill out to your Lord. Allah loves you. He can help you and He wants you to ask Him for His Glorious Aid.

Keep Asking. Keep Asking. Keep Asking. Just Keep Pleading. However many days or weeks or months go by - keep asking.

HAVE HOPE and KEEP THE HOPE. I urge this to you dear sister, because Allah answers all our dua. Just remember to MAKE DUA.

As well as this, you can be a positive role model for your whole family;
You can be polite and respectful. You can be sure not to argue. You can be sure to obey your elders and pray and fast and give charity - and smile.


Maybe they will see this and try to do the same. You never know.


A simple smile can work so many wonders dear sis, please do try to smile more than you already do (: .

Maybe, also, you can try and help your family build more positive times together. Why not asking your sisters to pray with you at the mosque (since it is Ramadban)? Or asking your family if they are interested in having a Eid vacation this year. It doesn't have to be something fancy- maybe just a trip to a nearby town- but sometimes, going out, leaving the negative area, and building positive memories together is all that you need to do. Maybe you can get a simple board game and invite the family to play it together?

I do want to say though that I am a little concerned about your sister though; I think you need to show her that you are there for her. You may not be able to heal the wounds she may carry, but you can show her you're there. You can give her a hug when her face looks glum. You can be there. That may be all she needs.
Please do check this though for further advice for your sister. If it looks like she is very serious, you should bring up the issue with one of your parents.

Most of all, despite the fact you may feel scared and upset - never forget to always go to Allah.
Because He can help you. Pray your Salah with so much sincerity and plead and plead and plead.

'Voyage to your Lord, even if broken and bruised'

It's now your time to shine.

the wound is where the light enters

Have hope in Allah, make dua - Let the Light Enter.

I pray for a peaceful Ramadan for all my sisters, and peace in the home and in the heart. Ameen

Lots of Love. Please try, at least, to smile. :)

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Picky Parents?

i know this is going to sound completely selfish of me, but my parents are driving me crazy! they won't let me do anything or go anywhere. it's like they don't trust me at all. what to do about strict parents?
-Frustrated

hey im a 16 year old Muslim girl from bangladesh living in a well not so islamic country... really the only reason im muslim is because my parents are... when i was a kid my parents always taught me to respect and love everyone no matter what their religion or culture is .. but now they are like HARDCORE MUSLIMS
and i hate that.. sorry.. but i do
because i really want to be an actress and a model and they r like NO its harram and i hate that
acting is in my soul ... u know how u feel wen u worship ... well thats how i feel when i am on stage ..dancing,acting,sing is me! and my parents wanna take that away in the name of islam ...
i Love wat i do!
and also i am madly deeply truly in love with a half hindu half muslim guy
i love him i have for the past 5 years my parents dnt like him coz he is half hindu... i need help... i am confused..
i feel like allah made these rules to make me suffer like Allah hates me.. but as far as i know i never hurt anyone, never do anything wrong HARDLY EVER LIE.. i am a good person.. but if loving acting ,dancing,sing and being in love with someone is wrong then i feel like islam is kinda wrong ... 

i am sooo sorry i really dnt wnna hurt anyones feelings 

              -Don't Wanna Hurt Feelings... 

Assalamu Alaykum Sisters, 

Frustrated: I can really, properly understand your dire frustration. We've all been there and it really can be an annoying situation when you're not allowed to go somewhere. But you will be allowed some day, inshaAllah. Just wait for that day. That patience of yours will be rewarded sooo much! Because Allah knows how you feel. 

Look, you may feel 'Hey, I've never done anything to make them not trust me, WHY don't they trust me?!'

But there's more chance they DO trust YOU, but they don't trust the world.

And what's wrong with that. With all the danger and evil which inevitably exists in our world they want to protect you from that. You'll face it when you're older anyway, it doesn't mean you have to face it now.

Sometimes, you just have to breathe, trust your parent's judgement and find light in the situation.

Do something else fun, for example.

Start a blog, make a scrapbook, write, paint, read, do situps! Anything to let off some steam and realise you can find happiness in other things too. (: You can always try to reach a compromise with them, too. Like set a curfew. Agree to avoid going to certain places. Let them meet your friend's parents, too. Let them know who you are hanging out with :) and hey, if you can't go to the party, bring the party home? Why don't you ask your parents if you can invite a friend over to your house?

And remember :) Allah always has a plan, just trust His plan. And always have hope in the fact that this is for your betterment inshaAllah. (: In more ways we know, a frustrating situation becomes an immense blessing.

Don't Wanna Hurt Feelings: It's lovely that you're asking about this, meaning you do want to try to understand your parents? Because that's the best approach to go for, the empathetic one. Once you understand them more, and understand their reasons, it's easier to come to an understanding in yourself or easier to talk about a compromise.

In your situation though, your parents are very right. They want the best for you, honey. They want you to feel a peaceful, blissful contentment inside you which you can only receive from Islam.

Whatever high you feel with acting, I can assure you it is nothing at all like what you feel in prayer. But I have to be honest here. That is...if you know who you are praying to. Sis, you said that you're just Muslim because your parents are. Maybe that's the problem. Have you ever wondered who it is that you are praying to?

When you're praying, you're obeying Allah. You'e obeying the One who has given you health, food, a roof over your head, family, education and mashaAllah, sixteen years of LIFE.   Think about it.  Who has been there for you all these years?  You said that 'acting and singing makes you feel the way your parents feel when they pray". The question though isn't only about how it makes you feel. Worship is about doing what is pleasing to Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala.

Let me give you an example. Imagine your teacher gave you a simple assignment to read 5 notes a day. That's all she asked of you. And you decided that instead of doing that, you were going to write poems the whole day. What kind of grade would you get on the assignment? Did you do the assignment? See, you're forgetting that prayer is an assignment that we've been given by our Lord <3 

And you know what? Prayer is an obligatory act of worship- we do it not because Allah needs it from us- but because we need Him. We are in desperate need of guidance. 


Look at it in another perspective - maybe your parents aren't 'taking away your passions' but showing you something more important and rewarding. Something which will make you happier than you can ever imagine. Just think. What if you could talk to the president of your country and tell him all you wanted to tell him?  Now imagine that prayer lets you talk to the Lord of the Universe....You get to talk to Him and He listens to YOU :)

And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided. (2: 186)

Your parents simply want you to have a house in Jannah- paradise- where absolute bliss and happiness can be found. Honey, they care about you. They want you to be with them :)

Don't mistake their care for 'wrath'.

AS for the boy you like - how can he be 'half muslim'. Islam is more than just a part of life. Islam IS a life? 

In my opinion, you're either Muslim or not Muslim...I hope you understand my opinion. (: 

-He's not good for you, or your soul - and it may feel great but this feeling isn't true nor will it last. You're young now, so enjoy everything youth has to offer and crushes usually go by themselves if you don't give them too much importance.

-The 'space' of your life which he has filled up needs to be filled up with something else, which might make getting 'over him' easier. And I advise you to seek knowledge! It'll keep your mind occupied with things which will benefit you, inshaAllah. Spend time with your sisters - have some fun!

Let me tell you, you've been specially designed and created by The King of all Kings. By the Loving and by the Merciful, the Kind and the One who created us from a clot of blood...He has given you talents for a reason, yes, as blessings. But also as a test. To not act upon a desire even if we ace at it. Singing and dancing shouldn't be done in front of non-mehrams, hon. And I'm not your mum or dad telling you this. I'm a sixteen year old girl from a non-muslim country too.


These rules are there not to burden us, at all. But to protect us. It's just like how you listen to the 'street lights'. Do you cross the street when it's red? I bet not. Why not? Cuz you know that the rule there is meant to protect you. It's also like wearing a seat belt. Allah isn't trying to make you miserable. He's protecting you :)

Tell me, sweetie. How many people do you know who have suffered from a broken heart cause they got into a relationship without real commitment? Love is not forbidden in Islam- but it is meant to be within marriage- the only real institution that guarantees the protection and rights of both the wife and husband.

You know- it's basically all about trusting our Creator. Because, He must know what's better for us. He does love us. He loves you more than you could ever fathom to imagine. He created love, after all. He has blessed us with so many countless blessings. Don't forget that. Look all around you - everything you see can be a blessing if you see it that way.

From an old wrinkly lecturer, to a leaf in the wind - it can all be your teacher. It's all a GIFT from the MOST HIGH. :D

------------

I guess it sounds you both seem to be having a problem with the 'rents. Let me remind you though, that the Quran mentions the importance of respect towards parents so many times. Allah (swt) has commanded us to obey and respect our parents and speak to them in a good manner with gentle kind words. Allah (swt) knows best and we must obey His commands. So, whether they tell you to clean your room or do your homework every night - or don't let you go out with your mates or make you go to that dinner party you didn't want to go to - we must obey them and respect them. They have lived a lot longer than us; and wisdom comes with age and experience - something we lack yet they don't.

Check these too inshaAllah (:

Is Everything haram?!

Why should I Love Allah?

http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2011/03/dare-to-dream.html

Your patience will be rewarded, inshaAllah. 

Have Hope. Keep Hope.

And, Smile. (:

P.S. Note from Little Auntie: Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala says in the Quran:

We have not sent down to you the Qur'an that you be distressed/burdened (2) But only as a reminder for those who fear [Allah] - (3) A revelation from He who created the earth and highest heavens, (4) The Most Merciful [who is] above the Throne established. (5) To Him belongs what is in the heavens and what is on the earth and what is between them and what is under the soil. (6)And if you speak aloud - then indeed, He knows the secret and what is [even] more hidden. (7) Allah - there is no deity except Him. To Him belong the best names. (8) (Surat Taha) 

Islam wasn't meant to burden you, honey. 
You just gotta open your heart to the beauty of Islam. 


Keep in touch with us :D Wanna chat? :) Send me an e-mail and we'll figure out a time <3

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"Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!"

Salam alaikum dear aunties,

I love your blog and i took time to read most of the issues that you have discussed but i didnt find any one that relates to my question.
I was born muslim.But i was not really practising islam then.When i turned 16 last december i dont really know how to explain what happened i was just drawn back to islam,everything happened really fast i started doing all the obligatory duties,i now wear hijab and abaya.But the problem i still have is my behaviour.I get really angry and irritated easily.Now brother doesnt respect me again and my family avoid me even though i try to be good but this problem makes all the good things i do for them look bad.please help me.

Wa alaykum salaam dear sister,

You know what? I am really happy that you feel like you've come back to Islam like that, wearing Hijab and everything, subhanAllah, wow, it really does make me smile to hear this. (:

I can understand how you feel that the good part of you isn't significant because you get angry and stuff. But don't lose hope, Islam isn't about being perfect and staying perfect forever. It's about climbing a ladder and continuing to climb. And even when you fall down a rung or two of this ladder, you repent - and continue to climb more, inshaAllah. The fact you've noticed a shortcoming in yourself is a step up the ladder too, so nice one. (:

You've got to understand that someone doesn't acquire an amazing character immediately. Character is formed by habits, which take time to set in your life.

Abû Hurayrah relates that a man said to the Prophet (peace be upon him): “Counsel me.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Do not get angry.” The man repeated his request many times, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) kept saying: “Do not get angry.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî ] 

This hadith is so significant because the Prophet (peace be upon him) limited his counselling of this man to this simple command. It obviously states just how incredibly important and beneficial it is to ourselves, our characters, our souls and even others.

Okay, well some things which can help you control your temper:

Understand Anger

Anger is an emotion with a whole lot of energy and this energy inspires action. Once you know this and understand that it's merely a state of mind, you can choose to change this. YOU control your mind, so YOU can control your emotions, thus your anger.

Transfer Anger

A way to channel this energy into something positive is to something, anything which can distract you from it. Painting, drawing, photography, reading - or you mentioned you like to write. You may not feel like you want to do something calming but if you force yourself and make yourself patient through this - it'll work in due time!

Eliminate Anger

These amazing examples from the best human being (peace be upon him), subhanAllah is the answer to the problem I think, (:

1. We should seek refuge with Allah when we become angry. Two men began hurling insults at one another in the presence of the Prophet (peace be upon him), each one insulting the other with such anger that his face had turned red. Th e Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “I know a word that if one were to say it, what stresses him would go away. If he would but say: ‘I seek refuge with Allah from Satan the Accursed'.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ]

 So to simply say "Audhu billahi minashaytan nirajim", with meaning.

Also:

2. If he is standing, then he should sit. If the anger fails to subside, then he should lie down. [Abu Dawood]

3. A person should remain silent. [Imam Ahmad]

4. Make wudhu. [Abu Dawood]

5. Make ghusl [Abu Nuaim]

Make these things habits and inshaAllah they'll become embedded in your character. SubhanAllah. (:

Another thing; if you feel like you have done something wrong like shout at a family member or say something you shouldn't have or generally slipped in your behaviour, remember to ask for forgiveness from Allah (swt) immediately. Is He (swt) not the Most-Forgiving? 

O 'Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (az-Zumar:53)

Truly think about this, sis. Allah will forgive you. Just seek what your soul yearns - seek forgiveness.

But remember, always be the first to say Sorry to whoever you may have upset. Always say sorry. The barrier between a 'sorry' is pride, and I don't think you're a proud person, honey. Just never forget to say sorry. Mean that you're sorry. And even do something to show you're sorry. Pray for the person and pray for yourself too, inshaAllah. :)

A Little Act of Kindness can go a long way if the intention behind it is pure - because pure intentions which hold hands with good deeds - are very powerful indeed. (:

Lastly, make dua! make dua! make dua! I thought I'd say it three times to emphasise its significance. :P But seriously, don't worry because if you make dua for something that will make you closer to Allah - Allah will answer inshaAllah. Just BELIEVE that He (swt) will. And never give up in your dua. Include it in your dua again and again and again. Always! Every dua! Every dua! Every dua! (I did that 'three times' thing again :P)

Lots of love to you honey, (:

And a big hug, 'cause you're sixteen and so am I! :D

You can conquer this. Leap up that ladder - and smile. (:

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My Faith is Fun :)

Asalammu Alaykum! :)

May Allah [SWT] keep you in good health, Insh'Allah. Ameen!

I have a little problem. I live in the United States - but, actually, I'm from Pakistan. Anyway, I'm 15-years old, and I have seen a lot of Muslims/Muslimahs in the United States. All the Pakistani Muslims that I have seen are, well .... err .... not pious Muslims. I don't mean to offend anyone, but they don't act like Muslims - most of them. They smoke hookah, make out with girls, skip their classes, do drugs, etc. These are all haram. I have younger brothers [8 and 4]; I am the oldest sibling. I don't want my brothers to lose their track in Islam. I fear that if they grow older, they might become like the rest of the other Pakistani Muslims, influenced by the media of the America. I will be embarrassed and depressed if my brothers will ever become like that!

My 8-year old brother gets into trouble in school. Well, now he stopped, but he used to. He talked to other students in his class, while the teacher was explaining something. My mother scolded him, so he stopped. Also, he's not very smart. All of my other male cousins study hard and respect their elders. My 8-year brother fails almost all his tests no matter how hard he studies. He didn't get accepted into Gifted Classes because he has low marks. He speaks back to his elders. He is violent and screams a lot. My 4-year old brother is not like this, but sometimes, I am afraid that he will be.

I keep telling my 8-year old brother about Islam - about Jannah [Heaven] and Jahannam [Hell], but I think he ignores me. I tell him about all the Punishments, and he probably ignores me with that, too. He likes to watch TV, play on the computer, and play sports.

I know that he should be around other good Muslims, who are his age, but the problem is: There are no other Muslims, who are his age. My male cousins, who are pious Muslims, are in Pakistan. They don't come to United States. All of my brother's friends are not-so-pious Muslims.

My brother doesn't know anything about Islam. He's collecting sin, sin, and more sin. And what will he have to show Allah Taa'la? As the older sibling, I feel responsible. My mother tried to teach him, but he always speaks back to her. Now, I guess it's up to me. But, what should I do? I tried everything - I told him about Allah Taa'la, Jannah/Jahannam, etc. He just ignores me!

I'm extremely sorry that you have to read this whole thing. It's very long, I know. I'll be patient. I know it takes time to answer all the questions you recieve.

Sincerely,
Layla ♥

Wa alaykum Salaam Layla, ♥ :)

Firstly, apologies for the late answer! Sounds like you've got an awful lot to handle and I think it's so good of you to take the reponsibility for your siblings. May Allah reward you for your good intentions and efforts in being such a fantastic older sister. (:

Now it seems that if you try to help you 8 year old brother, he could be an example for your 4 year old as he grows. 8 years old is still young, mashaAllah so you just need to show him that Islam is a whole lifestyle, even for a child! Some things you can do to make faith fun for younger children include:

Multimedia
It's new and vibrant and interactive. There're many resources available which use a multimedia medium in order to convey a particular message or some knowledge.
-Nasheeds!: Zain Bhika's album 'Our World' is very child-friendly and I'm sure an 8 year old would to hear the messages Zain Bhika gives. You can find it and other great nasheeds here.
-TV! : Once again, Zain Bhika, along with Dawud Wharnsby has a great series which is really fun-loving and educational too. Here it is. And Baba Ali has some great videos aimed at younger children; Here.
-Websites! : I found this really cool website for kids, I actually love it :'). http://www.muslimkidsville.com/ ! Check it out! :D

EID!
When you're not in a Muslim country, it can be easy to lack efforts in celebrations like Eid. Christmas and other holidays are hyped up so much, right - no wonder kids want to take part in a school nativity play rather than see their families in pretty clothing on Eid.
All it takes is some balloons, games and stories about why this Eid is taking place. Make Eid a special event for your brothers to remember with a smile of excitement!

Ramadan!
Only a few more months and Ramadan will start to approach. Make it exciting! Make sure they know why we fast, so explain why it's good to follow what Allah has ordered us, because He loves us a lot and He knows what is best for us!
When Ramadan does come, inshaAllah, make sure you all get treats at iftaar. :D

You're fifteen, (just a year younger than me), although you are responsible (and mature for taking this responsibility), do remember to stay calm and stay happy. It's the best example for your brothers if you're happy and in Islam - they'll get the message that that's what Islam gives - happiness! :D

Take any and every opportunity to show him that Islam is in everything we do. And that he will be rewarded for good deeds, inshaAllah! Talk to him about ALLAH. And everything He does for us. Most of all, pray for him, Layla.
Your efforts in helping your brother will not be wasted. Allah is with you in every little difficulty and heartache which comes your way in this task.

Keep praying and keep smiling dearest Layla :).

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Dare to Dream?

"Dear little aunties,

Im 14 and in 9th grade now. A lot of my friends have decided what they want to be when they grow older but i have a problem choosing mine. The thing is I really want to be a singer but i wear the hijab. I don't mean sing bad songs (I don't listen to bf/gf ones like love story, i don't really like it because theres no point and wasting time is haram) but stuff like coming closer to God, and spread love amongst the world like MJ so it's not just for Muslim (nasheeds) but for everyone. I don't mind not putting music, I just want to sing something with meaningful messages behind it. Like about oneself to bring teenagers and people more self esteem so that they believe they can achieve their dreams no matter what.

The other problem is my parents don't know I want to sing. Ive been singing nasheeds ever since i was small in grade 2, i still remember i knew the lyrics to Sami Yusuf's nasheed when most of the kids couldn't. I don't have an amazing voice, i dont want fame to change me. I don't want to wear loads of makeup and buy mansions and loan. I just want people to hear the message and perhaps understand money isn't everything and be like a role model. I just want to do what i like doing.

Is nothing really impossible for a girl like me?

Dreamer"

Dearest Dreamer,

Your mail made me smile, and I seriously think we need more 'Dreamer's in the world, no joke, you sound like a little girl with such a big heart mashaAllah (:.

This 'Auntie' (I'm only two years older :P) is really quite proud of you, as you understand that the music industry in our current day and age is a big 'nu-uh!' And you don't want to be a part of that... I understand what you mean, you want to do something worthwhile in your life, use your life to inspire others?

Okay, I'm gonna be clear with you here and give you this Hadith to let you think over:

Whoever listens to a female singer, molten lead will be poured into his ears on the Day of Judgement."

Now there is some disagreement about this Hadith, but nonetheless there's something else I should mention. You said you wear the Hijab, mashaAllah! Now I'm sure you already know this, but lemme say it anyway, HIJAB is more than a piece of cloth on a girl's head, right. It's covering the body too. But it's something else as well as that... Hijab is also in the walking, talking and overall character of a Muslim. Now, Hijab is about covering our beauty from non-mehram's for modesty, right... well you might not think so, but a female's voice is quite beautiful. A girl's voice is part of her beauty and I'm not saying a girl's voice shouldn't be heard, but a girl's singing voice; that shouldn't actually be heard by non-mehrams. It's beauty which shouldn't be seen by all, it's more precious and beautiful and valuable and to keep it away from non-mehram ears is the best way to go, hun!

This doesn't mean you can't still sing though. Allah had blessed you with the gift of a voice and you should still use it. With your girls, or at Eid parties or at (segregated) weddings. You could make your own mini-Halaqas at home with some close sisters and after a chat about a certain hadith or a verse from the Quran you enjoyed, and then after that you can always sing some nasheeds. Let's say it's a halal version of the typical karaoke-night.

Now, you asked a few questions in your email so I'm going to be jumping between them, inshaAllah. Another thing you mentioned at the beginning is that you're not too sure about what to do in the future when your friends are. Let me tell you now! You're not alone! I know for a fact I didn't know what I wanted to do and I felt I had to decide there and then especially seeing as my classmates knew and I had a few ideas but nothing I was adamant on pursuing. You'll find out exactly what you want to do in due time, 'every matter has its appointed time'. (: Give it time and things work out by themselves if you keep praying for guidance. Trust me on that hun, sometimes time is the only thing you need to make decisions, but for now enjoy every second of everything you do and keep your options and mind completely and utterly open and free for new ideas and dreams, inshaAllah.

Okay, another thing - you could use your talents (passion, your voice, confidence) to recite the Quran and learn and memorise new surahs. Once again, you could help your friends do this too 

and do it all together

.

It sounds like it's not the singing part of being a singer that takes your fancy. Tell me if I'm wrong, but I think you feel the inspiring words and actions/role model for younger girls/doing-what-you-love part is what you really love. And it's so totally good and true. Money isn't what life is about, not one single bit! You want to do what you love no matter what it is money-wise and just enjoy it. I do admire this about you, Dreamer. And don't ever stop dreaming, okay.

You could start a blog, and write little nuggets to inspire people, I know I've read very inspiring things on blogs and my prayers go out to those sisters who wrote them inshaAllah. It's not hard, just make an account on Blogger or Wordpress, (though I think Blogger's easier to use) and decorate it how you want. Then you can write, or post images or videos, or even lyrics/poems. It starts off small, but who knows how many people may read it and feel inspired.

You know Allah plans for us and He is the Best of Planners. If you think Him as this, He will be this. And there are so many occupations and lifestyles out there you can't just pick one and be it. Your lifestyle will be completely unique to be honest, and if you keep these principles, these desires to fulfill your dreams - if you continue and fight to keep that, then you will enjoy whatever you do. But your enjoyment isn't the most important thing to you is it? The pleasures of Allah subhana'wa'ta'ala is so much more important. Whatever you want to do, do it for Him and His 

pleasure.

I can see you being someone who can change the world. Honestly. If you have the intention and willingness to commit in what you're doing, to remain steadfast, then you can do it and you can shine inshaAllah.

I feel privileged to have cyber-'met' you, because your willingness to inspire, has inspired me. Keep going, girl. And no matter what anyone says, stay steadfast to your Deen - and trust Allah no matter what happens.

I know you will shine, inshaAllah. So smile (:

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