But Can it Really Come True?

There's something I really want and I know that it's like near impossible for me to get it. I've done all that I can to be "accepted" in it, but I know that I should be making more dua. The problem is that a part of me just feels like "There's no way my dua will be accepted. It's just too hard". I don't know what to do about that. It's like whenever I try to put my faith and trust in Allah, shaitaan distracts me. I'm finding it hard to do so now and I feel soooooo lost sometimes. Please advise me.

Dear Needing to Trust,

First of all, let me start off by saying that I hope you get whatever is best for you, inshaAllah.

Second of all, I understand that there's something that you want, but you feel like it's "almost impossible" for it to happen. Like it just "can't realistically be". 

Well, hunny, the simple (and amazing) truth is that it may be "too hard" for YOU, but it's not too hard for Allah. HE is not like us. 

Allah is Al Aziz. He is "All Mighty". To Him belongs victory, strength, and might (i.e. al-Izzah) and overcoming (all else)

And there is nothing in the Heavens and nor in the Earth that can render Allâh incapable ” (Faatir 35:44).”

He is also "Al Malik"; He is the Owner and the the One who executes His command in His possession. He can command, make and do whatever He wants. 

He says "Be" and it is. 

That's why the first thing you gotta do is stop confusing human abilities with Allah's abilities. Don't impose human limitations on Allah.  There's nothing that is impossible for Him to do.

Nothing!

Who was it but Allah who allowed a burning fire to feel cold to Prophet Abraham? 

Who was it but Allah who saved Prophet Yunus when he was in the whale’s belly in the deep of the ocean in the pitch of the night? 

Who was it but Allah that allowed Prophet Moosa’s rod split the ocean into half and let the people of the Israelis cross?

No dua is too hard for Him to respond to. 

 Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala always always responds to our duas (provided the person is not asking for haraam things or eating haram money and the other conditions are fulfilled). 

Don't take my word for it. Look at the Quran: 

And your Lord says, ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you.’ Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell [rendered] contemptible,”(Qur’an, 40:60). 

(See how Allah compares those who do not make dua as those who do disdainHis worship?)

"When my servants ask you concerning me, (tell them) I am indeed close (to them). I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calls on me." [2:186] 

In fact, if we look at the Quran, we see lots of  stories of people making duas and having their duas answered in the most INCREDIBLE ways. 

 Take Prophet Nuh alyhee as salat wa'salam: 

Nuh prayed, "Lord, help me; I am defeated". (10) We opened the gates of the sky and water started to pour down. (11) We caused the earth to burst forth with springs so that the waters could come together for a predestined purpose. (12)We carried him, (Nuh), on a vessel built with boards fixed together with nails, (13) which floated on the water before Our very eyes. [Sura 54: Al Qamar]

Allah caused a barren desert to flood with torrential rain and springs of water because of the dua of His servant!  As Al Aziz (the Al Mighty), He came to the victory of His servant.

And what about Zakariya?

And [mention] Zakariya, when he called to his Lord, ‘My Lord, do not leave me alone [with no heir], while you are the Best of Inheritors.’ So We responded to him, and We gave to him Yahya, and amended for him his wife. Indeed, they used to hasten to good deeds and supplicate Us in hope and fear, and they were to Us humbly submissive.” (Qur’an, 21:89-90)

Zakariya's wife was actually infertile, yet because he prayed to Allah and asked for an heir, Allah caused her to be fertile! He granted them a righteous son.

And Prophet Ayub, too: 

He fell ill with a debilitating disease and lost his family too. He didn't complain but rather turned to Allah:

“And (remember) Ayub, when he cried to his Lord, “Truly distress has seized me, but You are the Most Merciful of those that are merciful.” (Qur’an, 21:83)

Allah responded in the most amazing way: He granted him a new family (double the size of the family he'd had) and also cured him. 

“Then We heard his prayer and removed that adversity from which he suffered, and We gave him his household (that he had lost) and the like thereof along with them, a mercy from near Us, and a remembrance for the worshipers.” (Qur’an, 21:84)

 Now, I can almost hear you say..."Yeah, I know all that...But....those persons were special. Not like little o'le me." 

A lot of us fall into that trap! We attribute their duas being answered because "well, they were prophets or righteous persons". But when we really think about that, that's actually belittling Allah's Name, AL MUJEEB. Yes, those who are obedient and extremely pious have "special duas", but the fact of the matter is that Allah is AL MUJEEB. This is His attribute- that means HE answers the call of the supplicant...be it a poor old woman or a mighty king...a little girl or a prophet. 

You and me.

He promised us that. 

“Or who listens to the soul distressed when it calls on Him, and who relieves its suffering” (NAML, 62)

And in yet, in another verse of the Quran, Allah describes Himself not only as the one who responds but as the "Best" one who responds: ...[We are] the best of responders.(75)  (Surah 37)

The BEST Of responders!! Think of your mother when you ask her for a favor...or your best friend who you can call in the middle of the night. Allah's a better responder than that. He has the full Power and authority to grant you whatever you need...and what's more, He knows what you need and what is best for you! He is Generous, AlMighty, Compassionate and Wise. 

Doesn't reading these verses help you trust Him more? Seriously, if you want to trust in Allah more, you've got to "know" more about Him! Read the Quran and see His Beautiful Attributes. Watch lectures on His names, such as this series: An Introduction to the Series of "Living with Allah's Names"

The second thing to realize is that you're totally right in saying that Shaytaan is trying to distract you when you want to make dua. You see, the prophet sallah Allahoo Alyhee wa salam said: “Dua is Ibadah [worship]” (Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and Abu Dawud). 

Like all acts of worship, Shaytaan doesn't want you doing dua. But this is especially true in the case of dua. The reason being that dua is really intense ibada or worship because it puts us in the place of the servant and puts Allah as our Master; it demonstrates our belief in our Creator and our knowledge of His Uniqueness, Kingdom, Sovereignty. It shows our belief in "tawheed" totally. So obviously, when you raise your hands and get ready to make dua, Shaytaan understands that you're about to do some serious worship. He doesn't want you to do that, so he starts to put doubts in your heart or whispers to you something so you even forget to make dua.  

That's why what I like to do sometimes is just sit down and list a couple of duas that I really need to make. I jot them down quickly (writing them down helps me be firmer in my resolution to make them as duas) and then, I sit down, turn off the lights, sit in a room by myself and supplicate to Allah.The list really helps me remember all that I wanted to make dua for and it makes me more conscious of the fact that I have things I need to supplicate for (no matter what Shaytaan tries to convince me of).

Of course the last thing we have to say is seek refuge in Allah! Don't forget to say Audoo billah also when you start getting such thoughts.

I hope inshaAllah this post helps you a bit.

Lots of love,

P.s. Take a look at our 2 posts: "God Answered Me" and "I Didn't Get in" to read more about duas =)

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Marrying Imam Mahdi?

 I have been reading more and more into Islam. I'm 15 and by my own choice, I embraced Islam at the age of 13. I was born into a Muslim Pakistani family but wasn't a religious Muslimah before. Now, I try my best to be religious and pious. I even wear an abaya! I know there's always room for improvements so I am not saying I am not perfect. I am not at all perfect, just trying to be the best Muslimah I can be. But like I said, lately I've been reading more  into Islam. It's very interesting especially reading about all the prophets (peace be upon them). My mom was telling me about how the family of the prophets (peace be upon them) will enter Jannah first. I was happy for them at first. I'm still happy for them but now I feel sort of...jealous. I mean, I'm not entirely jealous, but I just wish I could be in their place. They're so lucky to be related to Prophet Muhammad (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam). I wish I was directly related to our Prophet (PBUH). And the wives of the prophets? They're so lucky, Masha-Allah!                                                                                                                                    I'm just pouring out my thoughts here. I know that Imam Mahdi and Prophet Jesus (PBUH) will be arriving soon, Insha-Allah. I can't help wondering if I would make a good enough wife for one of them. I know I probably wouldn't be good enough but I try. But I also know that I wouldn't be good enough because I'm Pakistani and they'll probably choose an Arab girl, anyways. Plus, I doubt that Prophet Jesus (PBUH) would ever marry me because he won't be coming any time soon. I'll probably be crippled old or dead by the time he comes. ): (This makes me sad!)                                                                                                                                   Then I thought that I always have the chance of marrying Imam Mahdi. He may not be a prophet, but he'll be the final rightly-guided Khalifa, Masha-Allah. I mean, if he comes from 2012-2025, I'll still be young enough. And the good part is that his nationality isn't mentioned yet, so if he does marry, he could marry a Pakistani girl (like me).                                                               So basically, I have become obsessed with marrying a rightly-guided man, such as a prophet or an Imam. I'm not saying that I deserve to be married to these men. I'm sure that other women deserve more than me. But I honestly do try my best to be pious. Like I said, I used to have a bad sinful past. I stopped now - I really have! I've been heartbroken so many times in my life. I will never be attracted to another man in my life! I am not lustful to being married to prophets or Imam. I just want a good pious husband so that we can work our way together to Heaven, Insha-Allah. But I know that no man is as pious as the prophets. And the wives of the prophets - they're blessed! They're so lucky! I wish I were them. I wish I were special and favored in the eyes of Allah Subahanahu Wa Taala. I know that I have my imperfections but I try so hard. And now I'm determined to be the wife of at least Imam Mahdi. I know he'll be 40. I don't care if he's 50 and I'm 20.  I know I sound crazy. I am crazy.

I think that if I don't get to marry a prophet or Imam, I will just not marry at all. Maybe if I make it to Jannah, Insha-Allah, I can ask to be married to a prophet, but other than that, I keep myself away from other men because none of them are pious enough. Now that I've let everything off my mind, do you think you would be able to help me, Dear Sis? Maybe, possibly, talk me through this. It's okay if you can't. (: May Allah keep you happy & shower His blessings upon you. Ameen! (:

Dearest Troubled,

First of all, can I just say that this was as cute as a pink twirly swirly cupcake? For real. Your email just brought the hugest smile on my face!

Second, let me say that I'm really weally truly proud of you for choosing to come back to Islam and for repenting from your mistakes, ma'shaAllah. May Allah keep us all guided.  And I just want to reassure/remind you that it's not about "where" you "begin", but what your ending is. That's what matters =)

Anyways! On to the rest of the email :)

On the surface, it looks like your question is: Would it be possible for you to marry Imam Mahdi? Or maybe even possibly Isa alyhee as salam?

But you know what I think? I think we can actually break down your question into 2 major issues here.

A.    Your desire to be in jannah (and have someone support you on the path to jannah)

B.    Your fears that there is no man "pious enough"

Hun, I can't tell you if you can marry Imam Mahdi or not. I don't know any thing really about his wife, but I can tell you this.

Marrying somebody pious doesn't necessarily grant you jannah.

Your spouse can be a major support to "Jannah", but he's not going to be your "Ticket" to jannah.

There's this great quote that I read on the Internet which says:

You might be married to the worst man ever, like Asyah was married to Pharaoh - but it didn’t change her and her loyalty and love to Allah (her aqidah). You might be married to the best of men, like Prophets of God, and still not enter Heaven - like the wives of Prophet Nuh and Prophet Lut. You might be not married to any man, like Maryam (alaiha salam), and Allah can make your rank higher than any women on the Earth. Know your priorities. Love and trust is with Allah first. 

The truth, darling, is that the wives of the Prophets were truly blessed….

But so are we.You and me :)

There are many ayaat and hadiths…soooo many…that show how high our own position can be, too! You don't have to be married to the prophet to go to paradise. You simply have to FOLLOW the prophet!

Let's take a look:

And whoever obeys Allah and the Messenger - those will be with the ones upon whom Allah has bestowed favor of the prophets, the steadfast affirmers of truth, the martyrs and the righteous. And excellent are those as companions. (2: 69)That is the bounty from Allah, and sufficient is Allah as Knower. (2: 70) 

I know that you said that you are "obsessed" right now with "marrying" a prophet. Well, what do you think of being considered like the prophet's sister?

As is narrated by Abu Hurayra, One day Prophet Muhammad (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) came to the graveyard and said:

 O dwellers of the land of believers! Peace be upon you. With God willing, we will also join you. Then he sighed with longing and added, How I miss to see my brothers! The companions beside him said, O Messenger of God, are we not you brothers? The Prophet replied, You are my companions; my brothers have yet to come
The companions asked him:  O Messenger! How will you recognize these people from your community who have yet to come?
Whereupon, the Prophet asked: If someone has a horse with white signs on the forehead and the feet, can he recognize it among black and gray horses?
The companions replied:Yes. He said, “They (my brothers) will come with white streaks from their ablutions, and I will receive them at my cistern. [But there will be some who will be driven away from my cistern as a stray camel is driven away. I will call them to come. It will be said, ‘They changed matters after you,’ then I will say, ‘Be off, be off.”‘] (Related by Muslim.)

What else?

Rabi’a Ibn Ka’eb was once helping out the Prophet with water for his wudu’ (ablution) when the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam said to him, “Ask me (meaning that he would pray for Rabia' whatever he wanted and the prophet's prayers were always answered).”  Rabi’a replied, “I ask to be with you in Paradise.”  “Anything else?” The Prophet asked. “Only that”, Rabi’a said.  To that the Prophet replied, “Then help me to help you (get there), by performing much sujood.”

So you see now, in order for you to be close to the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam and the best people in janah, you don't have to be married to a prophet. You have to lower yourself and do sujood. You have to make sure your heart and every part of you is saying "Glory and Perfection be to you, Allah, Exalted". 

According to another hadith, someone asked our blessed and exalted Prophet, "When shall come the Day of Judgment?" Our Prophet asked him "What preparation have you made for the Day?" The man said, "Nothing, but I have love for Allah and for His Messenger." The Prophet said, "You shall be (on that Day) with whom you love."

 What do you think of the prophets being jealous of you?

 Mu'adh said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, 'Allah, the Mighty and Exalted, says, "Those who love one another for My majesty will have minbars of lights. The Prophets and martyrs will envy them."'" [at-Tirmidhi] 

The truth is that Allah chose the Companions of the prophets and their wives, with full Wisdom and Knowledge. He chose us to be the "followers" also in His Wisdom and Knowledge. Our place and time was decided by Al Hakeem, alhamdullilah.

That doesn't mean that you can't be "favored" or seen as someone special in the sight of Allah. You still can be! We know what we have to do and the extra things that we can do: fasting, charity, helping a neighbor, etc.

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (sallah Allahoo alyhaee wa salam) said: Allah (mighty and sublime be He) said:Whosoever shows enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about [seizing] the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate hurting him.It was related by al-Bukhari. 

 We have to actively work on ourselves. We can't expect "our spouses" to fix us or get us into paradise. 

Okay, well, what about the fact that there is no man "pious" enough out there?

Hun, you really got to cut the guys some slack. They're not perfect. Neither are we.

So you met some "unpious guys"..and you had some really bad experiences. You got to remind yourself that you met these people when you were (probably) not as religious as you are now. Those were the people from your past. But not every single guy is like that.

Really! When the time comes, inshaAllah, it will be different from the experiences you had.  Your family will be involved. It will be out and in the open. It will begin in the name of Allah, inshaAllah.

Did you know that there are people living with us right now who (Allahu' Alim if it is this time, though) could be getting the exact same reward as 50 companions?

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Ahead of you are days of patience, during which being patient will be like grasping a hot coal. The one who does good deeds then will have a reward like that of fifty people who do such deeds.” And, someone else added, they said: O Messenger of Allah, the reward of fifty of them? He said: “The reward of fifty of you(Companions)!” (Abu Dawud and At-Tirmidh). 

The point is that there are good guys out there. Guys who decide to grow beards even though they know that they'll be made fun of because they want to be like the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam. Guys who are memorizing the Book of Allah, seeking ilm, trying to do dawah. 

Guys who are honest business people because they know that the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam said: "A trustworthy and truthful merchant will be raised up with prophets, the truthful, and martyrs on the Day of Resurrection." 

Guys who want to be doctors to help cure sick people and save lives that the Quran says:  "And whoever saves one - it is as if he had saved mankind entirely."

Guys who obey their mothers no matter how uncool it is.

And somewhere out there is the guy for you :) Someone praying for a religious wifey who will help him raise a wonderful family that will make the Prophet proud =)

So, sweets, don't write "marriage off" or think that you have to marry a prophet/ daee to find a good guy. Instead, turn to Allah and ask Him for a good spouse who will help you come closer to Him!

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Angry Parents

My problem is that I love my parents so much but sometimes ....how can I say this without tarnishing their personalities? I feel like I'm such a terrible child just by thinking about it! it goes this way.. as I said I love them so much that!! (I'm suppose to!) it's just that sometimes they are too much! that's the problem. sometimes I just can't understand them.. I know that they only want what's best for me but I don't know sometimes they get angry with me and I don't know the reason behind those wraths.. it's just not fair! sometimes I feel like scolding them back to defend my side! but Alhamdulillah those thought never really come to an action. how can I prevent such actions like just avoiding their chastise and pretending I didn't hear cus I know it's bad and I want to get rid of it! .. huhu If you'll give an advise which I hope you would.. please don't recommend talking to them about it cus I can"t.. I simply just can:t...   Seriously Guilty one.

Dearest Seriously Guilty One,

First of all, you can tell that you love your parents and that you do want to be better! I really don't want to call you the "guilty one"..Let's call you "Going to be better, inshaAllah".

Second of all, I'm so sorry for taking so long to answer you.  The problem is that you told us not to recommend talking to them and that was obviously the biggest piece of advice that we had...LOL.

REALLY. Try as we might, we could not think of any other advice. 

You said that they get angry and you don't understand why. Well, hun, there's no harm in simply asking them or writing them a note, like the following: 

"Mom and Dad, I'm really sorry to have angered you. I understand I did something to upset you, but I'm not really sure what I did. Can you please tell me what it is that bothered you? I don't want to do it again, but I can't not do it, if I don't know what it is."

Not only will that help you understand your parent's more and not repeat the same "mistake" again,  it will also give your parents a chance to really consider their own feelings. Maybe they're not angry WITH you, but angry at at something else. Maybe they're actually frustrated with something else and are taking out their stress from work on to you. Maybe they don't even realize that they're "always angry". 

Both you and your parents deserve to have peace in the house..and you can only do that, when you muster the courage to find out what's causing this "anger" that they're feeling. Think about it: ignoring their "chastise" really isn't going to solve anything, is it? In fact, that could be part of the problem. How would you like it if someone was ignoring you when you were talking to them? That would probably upset you even more, right?

See, in order to really change things around, you have to be sincerely willing to UNDERSTAND their reasons behind their "anger". You really have to be willing to let go of your ego and find out how you could possibly (most likely unintentionally) 'adding to the problem/ anger". The fact that you sent this letter in makes me think that you really do want to do this, inshaAllah =)  

But how? Well, you don't have to talk to them the moment they're "having one of their full fledged screaming frenzies....Instead, you can tell them 'I'm truly sorry that I have upset you so much", walk out of the room, and leave the discussion for a time when you and them are calmer.  

Then, some other day, you can invite your parents to a barbecue/ fun day at the park/ or the beach.... While there, you can cautiously bring up the topic. "Mom and Dad, I feel that I've hurt you/ disappointed you/ done some things to bother you. I really want to be better, now. I really want to be a better daughter to you. Please tell me what it is that you want from me..." You could even try to start that conversation even in the weekend, after making them a cup of tea/ surprise cake/ etc. 

Once they start talking, you need to be really calm. You need to remind yourself that you really have 2 solutions:

-  either you fully accept their decision (because you know they want what's best for you and are just trying to protect you) 

- or you try to reach a reasonable compromise with them.

For example, let's say they tell you that "They don't like the people you're hanging out with/ or your attitude/ whatever".

Take a deep breath. Swallow. And avoid saying something dumb like 

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. What planet are you from?!!!"

Instead, stop for a moment. Ask yourself "Are your friends really the best company you could have?" 

And then, ask them "Is there a particular friend you don't like...?" Is there a friend that you DO like?" 

 That's right. Ask them! Keep the door of communication open. Don't close it. Ask questions and try to understand how you can both get what you want. 

RESIST, resist, resist "getting "angry" at them because  when we get angry, we end up getting stupid. 

And I mean that actually in the literal sense! I'm copying this from a newsletter I got:

It's important to realize that when we get frustrated or angry, our brain is hard wired for "fight or flight".  So all our blood leaves the "common sense" area of our brain and goes to our muscles so we can run or fight. Essentially, we get stupid.  We can't think calmly or clearly, we often feel compelled to say the first thing that comes to our mind...and often in a threatening or disrespectful tone.

Instead, if you do feel like they're being so "unfair" and you're going to shout  back at them, you should follow the Islamic advice for dealing with anger. Change your position (sit down, if you are standing),seek refuge from Shaytaan, and if possible, ask to go to the bathroom (and do wudu)..

And just remind yourself that your parents love you and want what's best for you. Even if they don't know how to show it and you don't agree on what's best for you. 

And then, give yourself time to think of what they've told you and solutions that they could agree to.

- For example, with the problem above, you could suggest that they enroll you in an Islamic course/ good club so you can make some good friends, too. 

Let's give another scenario. Let's say you ask them to go "out" with friends and they angrily tell you "No": 

You can try to work a compromise with them about that. You can: 

- agree with them on your "homework and studying schedule". Maybe they're worried that going out will interfere with your studies. Talk to them about that. If you've got exams, agree that you're going to go out for a limited time only/ whatever

- agree with your parents about what places you can go to? and what places you will NOT go to

- agree on a  specific curfew (they could even pick you up)

-  agree to call them every other hour on their mobile (even if that sounds ridiculous to you, it beats being stuck at home, doesn't it?)

- give them a friend's mobile number so that if they can't reach you, they have another number to call

 See? Once you know what's bothering them, you can think of lots of solutions!

Finally, though, it's important to think of 2 or 3 things you can do to make your parents happier. Things like washing the dishes, making them a cup of tea, calling them if you know you're going to be late, etc. Deep down, we all know at least 2 or 3 things we can do or stop doing that would make Mom and Dad a lot more happier. Right? Let's do them? 

Well, sis, that's all that I can think of. Maybe the other sisters can share their advice =)

  

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Unreasonable Demands...and a Suitor Gone

Asalmu aliakum, Sisters, I am really down lately. A few months ago, I received a proposal from a great brother. He was practicing, well known in the community, had a beard and a good job....We met with my parents and I really felt that we clicked. Everything was going great. And then,to be honest, my family started acting unreasonably and everything stopped. His parents called my parents and said it was over. The thing is that I just can't forget this brother. Part of me is wondering if things can be fixed. Is it too late? Do you think I am being silly and I should just forget the whole matter? :(

wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo!

Dearest Sister,

awww, sis! :( That sounds like a very tough situation. :( Sending you lots of hugs!  I’m very proud of you, though, for being honest and saying that it was your family who made the problem.  I know though, that makes it even harder to bear. 

Here is what I think… A few months have passed, right. The truth is that brother might have moved on. And that would just change everything anyway. It would mean there’s no point in thinking about whether or not “he is the one or to fix things or not”.  If I was you, I’d try to do a little research to find out- ask a mutual family friend or the person that let you know about him, check Facebook, or etc. Mind you, I don’t want you to become obsessed about it…but if there’s some way for you to find out if he’s moved on without you getting directly involved that would be great. 

Now, if you are able to find out and it looks like he’s still available…

1. Pray Istikhara

2. Talk to your family,.. You really need your family to realize what MATTERS to you. You also need them to acknowledge that they were being unreasonable and by doing that, made life a little difficult for you. Point out the big picture- all that you two have in common…Ask your family if they would be willing to make some sacrifices and put aside those differences they were pushing for. Why do you need to do this? Because you don’t want your family to offend his family in any way, again. People might be able to forgive others once- but chances are if it happens again, then they’re not going to be so willing to reconsider.

3. The next step is to see how the brother’s family feels…See, even if you apologize, and even if there isn’t someone in his life right now, his parents might have decided you guys are on the black list. Again, this is something that you can try and have a mutual friend ask?  Perhaps she [the mutual friend] could ask “would their family be willing to reconsider if your family apologized and made some sacrifices?” Another way is if you can get some mutual friends to praise your family and to mention that they have become more religious and are no longer as interested in material things (whatever the silly things were)…

If his family is not going for it,  then, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. I know you liked this brother, but remember, you didn't live with him, so you didn't actually experience him as a husband. Maybe, you were just supposed to just learn the lesson (to focus on what truly matters) so that the next time a guy comes, your family doesn’t make the same mistake and let him slip from your hands. Because, let’s face it, no one perfect is ever going to come and your family needs to have a list of the priorities that matter and those that they would be willing to overlook…

You really don't want to end up like the poor daughter in this cartoon and your family needs to know that:

So, that's my little advice. Try and see what happens, but trust that whatever happens is for your own benefit. Make sincere dua and intention that your marriage is FOR Allah and then trust that Allah will give you the person best for your deen, dunya, and aakhirah :) 

And as a final note of advice, remember that just like you prayed istikhara (are going to pray it), this brother probably did, too (since you said that he's religious). So whatever happens is the best for the BOTH of you =)

With all my love,

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