Picky Parents?

i know this is going to sound completely selfish of me, but my parents are driving me crazy! they won't let me do anything or go anywhere. it's like they don't trust me at all. what to do about strict parents?
-Frustrated

hey im a 16 year old Muslim girl from bangladesh living in a well not so islamic country... really the only reason im muslim is because my parents are... when i was a kid my parents always taught me to respect and love everyone no matter what their religion or culture is .. but now they are like HARDCORE MUSLIMS
and i hate that.. sorry.. but i do
because i really want to be an actress and a model and they r like NO its harram and i hate that
acting is in my soul ... u know how u feel wen u worship ... well thats how i feel when i am on stage ..dancing,acting,sing is me! and my parents wanna take that away in the name of islam ...
i Love wat i do!
and also i am madly deeply truly in love with a half hindu half muslim guy
i love him i have for the past 5 years my parents dnt like him coz he is half hindu... i need help... i am confused..
i feel like allah made these rules to make me suffer like Allah hates me.. but as far as i know i never hurt anyone, never do anything wrong HARDLY EVER LIE.. i am a good person.. but if loving acting ,dancing,sing and being in love with someone is wrong then i feel like islam is kinda wrong ... 

i am sooo sorry i really dnt wnna hurt anyones feelings 

              -Don't Wanna Hurt Feelings... 

Assalamu Alaykum Sisters, 

Frustrated: I can really, properly understand your dire frustration. We've all been there and it really can be an annoying situation when you're not allowed to go somewhere. But you will be allowed some day, inshaAllah. Just wait for that day. That patience of yours will be rewarded sooo much! Because Allah knows how you feel. 

Look, you may feel 'Hey, I've never done anything to make them not trust me, WHY don't they trust me?!'

But there's more chance they DO trust YOU, but they don't trust the world.

And what's wrong with that. With all the danger and evil which inevitably exists in our world they want to protect you from that. You'll face it when you're older anyway, it doesn't mean you have to face it now.

Sometimes, you just have to breathe, trust your parent's judgement and find light in the situation.

Do something else fun, for example.

Start a blog, make a scrapbook, write, paint, read, do situps! Anything to let off some steam and realise you can find happiness in other things too. (: You can always try to reach a compromise with them, too. Like set a curfew. Agree to avoid going to certain places. Let them meet your friend's parents, too. Let them know who you are hanging out with :) and hey, if you can't go to the party, bring the party home? Why don't you ask your parents if you can invite a friend over to your house?

And remember :) Allah always has a plan, just trust His plan. And always have hope in the fact that this is for your betterment inshaAllah. (: In more ways we know, a frustrating situation becomes an immense blessing.

Don't Wanna Hurt Feelings: It's lovely that you're asking about this, meaning you do want to try to understand your parents? Because that's the best approach to go for, the empathetic one. Once you understand them more, and understand their reasons, it's easier to come to an understanding in yourself or easier to talk about a compromise.

In your situation though, your parents are very right. They want the best for you, honey. They want you to feel a peaceful, blissful contentment inside you which you can only receive from Islam.

Whatever high you feel with acting, I can assure you it is nothing at all like what you feel in prayer. But I have to be honest here. That is...if you know who you are praying to. Sis, you said that you're just Muslim because your parents are. Maybe that's the problem. Have you ever wondered who it is that you are praying to?

When you're praying, you're obeying Allah. You'e obeying the One who has given you health, food, a roof over your head, family, education and mashaAllah, sixteen years of LIFE.   Think about it.  Who has been there for you all these years?  You said that 'acting and singing makes you feel the way your parents feel when they pray". The question though isn't only about how it makes you feel. Worship is about doing what is pleasing to Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala.

Let me give you an example. Imagine your teacher gave you a simple assignment to read 5 notes a day. That's all she asked of you. And you decided that instead of doing that, you were going to write poems the whole day. What kind of grade would you get on the assignment? Did you do the assignment? See, you're forgetting that prayer is an assignment that we've been given by our Lord <3 

And you know what? Prayer is an obligatory act of worship- we do it not because Allah needs it from us- but because we need Him. We are in desperate need of guidance. 


Look at it in another perspective - maybe your parents aren't 'taking away your passions' but showing you something more important and rewarding. Something which will make you happier than you can ever imagine. Just think. What if you could talk to the president of your country and tell him all you wanted to tell him?  Now imagine that prayer lets you talk to the Lord of the Universe....You get to talk to Him and He listens to YOU :)

And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided. (2: 186)

Your parents simply want you to have a house in Jannah- paradise- where absolute bliss and happiness can be found. Honey, they care about you. They want you to be with them :)

Don't mistake their care for 'wrath'.

AS for the boy you like - how can he be 'half muslim'. Islam is more than just a part of life. Islam IS a life? 

In my opinion, you're either Muslim or not Muslim...I hope you understand my opinion. (: 

-He's not good for you, or your soul - and it may feel great but this feeling isn't true nor will it last. You're young now, so enjoy everything youth has to offer and crushes usually go by themselves if you don't give them too much importance.

-The 'space' of your life which he has filled up needs to be filled up with something else, which might make getting 'over him' easier. And I advise you to seek knowledge! It'll keep your mind occupied with things which will benefit you, inshaAllah. Spend time with your sisters - have some fun!

Let me tell you, you've been specially designed and created by The King of all Kings. By the Loving and by the Merciful, the Kind and the One who created us from a clot of blood...He has given you talents for a reason, yes, as blessings. But also as a test. To not act upon a desire even if we ace at it. Singing and dancing shouldn't be done in front of non-mehrams, hon. And I'm not your mum or dad telling you this. I'm a sixteen year old girl from a non-muslim country too.


These rules are there not to burden us, at all. But to protect us. It's just like how you listen to the 'street lights'. Do you cross the street when it's red? I bet not. Why not? Cuz you know that the rule there is meant to protect you. It's also like wearing a seat belt. Allah isn't trying to make you miserable. He's protecting you :)

Tell me, sweetie. How many people do you know who have suffered from a broken heart cause they got into a relationship without real commitment? Love is not forbidden in Islam- but it is meant to be within marriage- the only real institution that guarantees the protection and rights of both the wife and husband.

You know- it's basically all about trusting our Creator. Because, He must know what's better for us. He does love us. He loves you more than you could ever fathom to imagine. He created love, after all. He has blessed us with so many countless blessings. Don't forget that. Look all around you - everything you see can be a blessing if you see it that way.

From an old wrinkly lecturer, to a leaf in the wind - it can all be your teacher. It's all a GIFT from the MOST HIGH. :D

------------

I guess it sounds you both seem to be having a problem with the 'rents. Let me remind you though, that the Quran mentions the importance of respect towards parents so many times. Allah (swt) has commanded us to obey and respect our parents and speak to them in a good manner with gentle kind words. Allah (swt) knows best and we must obey His commands. So, whether they tell you to clean your room or do your homework every night - or don't let you go out with your mates or make you go to that dinner party you didn't want to go to - we must obey them and respect them. They have lived a lot longer than us; and wisdom comes with age and experience - something we lack yet they don't.

Check these too inshaAllah (:

Is Everything haram?!

Why should I Love Allah?

http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2011/03/dare-to-dream.html

Your patience will be rewarded, inshaAllah. 

Have Hope. Keep Hope.

And, Smile. (:

P.S. Note from Little Auntie: Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala says in the Quran:

We have not sent down to you the Qur'an that you be distressed/burdened (2) But only as a reminder for those who fear [Allah] - (3) A revelation from He who created the earth and highest heavens, (4) The Most Merciful [who is] above the Throne established. (5) To Him belongs what is in the heavens and what is on the earth and what is between them and what is under the soil. (6)And if you speak aloud - then indeed, He knows the secret and what is [even] more hidden. (7) Allah - there is no deity except Him. To Him belong the best names. (8) (Surat Taha) 

Islam wasn't meant to burden you, honey. 
You just gotta open your heart to the beauty of Islam. 


Keep in touch with us :D Wanna chat? :) Send me an e-mail and we'll figure out a time <3

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The Front Cover (Judging Others?)

There is a slight problem, and it's posing major hindrance in my day-to-day life, with my university friends, with my family, etc etc. Some time back I came back to Islam, Alhumdulillah. Since then I have been reading alot, alot, alot about Islam. The problem is, that reading so much, albeit giving me knowledge and clearing my mind, has made me judgmental about other people at the same time. Like whenever I would see someone doing the slightest of wrong or putting a toe out of line, I would start forming judgement in my head- i will NOT say anything to that person however. But its very irritating. Sometimes when my mother will see me that i'm firmly adhering to my hijab and not making hairstyles like i used to or when my friends will see that i'm avoiding music, they will tell me to come back to being normal. I dont know what to do in such a situation. I mean, my own mother will tell me that I shouldn't be so strict in my principles and that i should slow down, loosen up a bit. And that's when i get the impression of myself as being some stubborn, hardhearted girl that everyone will want to avoid. And then I start judging my mother and my friends. I don't want that to happen!!

I mean, Allah loves all his creatures whether I perceive them as "good" or "bad" so who am I to judge someone so quickly? What follows next is subconsciously I restrict my conversations with that person and so this way, i grow distant, distant from people. I dont want that to happen. I dont want to judge anyone, whatever they are, whoever they are, whatever they do. I want to smile all the time, I dont want to sulk in the corner with the fear of hanging with (my own perceived) "wrong" sort of poeple. I want to be humble and kind and soft at heart - like you are!

Dear Not Wanting to Judge Others,

awww, sis. You caught me off guard with your last sentence, there! My sugar sprinkled fudge brownie- I'm not a perfect person and I do not have perfect thoughts. Life offline is a LOT tougher than online. I really don't WANT you to even want to be like ME, at all! In fact....guess what? I sometimes catch myself judging others, too...

And alhamdillah, at least, you are aware of your problem and want to work on that. Before I give you some tips (for you and for myself), I do want to clarify though that I think we have two separate issues here. We have the issue of 'judging others' and we have the issue of 'enjoining the right and forbidding the evil".


Let's start with Number One. How to NOT Judge Others.

Well, I think to do that, we have to remind ourselves that:

A. Guidance is not guaranteed to any of us. The next prayer is not guaranteed either. We are in need of Allah's guidance, just like anyone and everyone else. We are actually not in control of our hearts –we have to remember that we could easily ‘fall back into such sins’…

Remember, the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam used to recite the following dua:

O, Turner of the Hearts, make our hearts firm on your din (religion).

B. We cannot 'see' what a person's ending will be .Think of Khalid bin Walid, Radiya Allah Anhoo. Think of the state he was in during the Battle of Uhud and how he was at the end of his life. Radiya Allah Anhoo. He became the Sword of Allah! You see?

On the other hand, we have a verse in the Qur’an of a story of someone who was ‘knowledgable’ but turned to his desires. There’s a very long story about who this man was but for now, I think the verse is enough: (that’ll be your homework to look up the tafsir, LOL :P)

And recite to them, [O Muhammad], the news of him to whom we gave [knowledge of] Our signs, but he detached himself from them; so Satan pursued him, and he became of the deviators. (175) And if We had willed, we could have elevated him thereby, but he clung to the earth (became interested in the adornment of this life and its delights) and followed his own [vain] desire. So his example is like that of the dog: if you chase him, he pants, or if you leave him, he [still] pants. That is the example of the people who denied Our signs. So relate the stories that perhaps they will give thought. (7: 176)

The truth is that we can never know a person's end...and that, terrifyingly enough, includes ourselves. We don't even what our own ending will be. How will we die? In what state?

C. We cannot see the person's heart. It is alright for us to judge the action itself as being correct or incorrect (using the Qur'an, Sunnah, and what scholars say as our guide, but we must always remind ourselves that we cannot see what is ‘behind the action’ (or the intention). A Qari of the Qu’ran could have no other intention but to show off….we could perceive him to be ‘perfect/ wonderful’ and his actions as pious but in reality they are worthless. We can NEVER see what is in the heart. 

D. Remind yourself of this hadith:
Hadith Qudsi 31:

A man said: By Allah, Allah will not forgive So-and-so. At this Allah the Almighty said: Who is he who swears by Me that I will not forgive So-and-so? Verily I have forgiven So-and-so and have nullified your [own good] deeds (1) (or as he said [it]).

And of this Name of Allah: Al-Haleem: The Clement.

This means that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala is not quick to judgment. He gives time. He forebears and is patient to see His servant to return to Him.Not only is He not quick to Judgment, He has commanded the angels ‘to take their time’ when it comes to recording our bad deeds.

Abu Umamah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, “The angel of the left raises [and holds] his pen for six hours from the Muslim servant of Allah who has wronged or committed a mistake. So if he regrets and seeks Allah’s forgiveness from it he returns it back, and if that is not the case then it is written as one.” [Mu'jam al Kabeer, Hasan according to Albani]

Think about that. When a person 'sins' or does something wrong Islamically (out of ignorance), are they sinning against you or Allah? So, who then, should 'judge'? If Allah gives them time, why can't we? :)


But sister,  now let's get on to Part II:

There is a difference between 'not judging others' and not giving 'nasiha to others'. If you truly love others, you would care about their Hereafter and you would want them to be in the highest place.

It is actually Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala, the One who is Perfect, who commanded us to help each other ‘better ourselves’. He commanded that we watch over each other, take care of each other.

He has commanded us to correct each other.

When you see your friend doing something wrong, rather than internally thinking about her as being ‘less pious’ as you, for example, think about how you BOTH need help and how you can help her in this and maybe she can help you in something else.

We’re here to help each other, not stand against each other.

And let there be [arising] from you a nation inviting to [all that is] good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, and those will be the successful. (3:104)

The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. (9: 71)

The reality is that Allah gives us a CLEAR warning against 'belittling ourselves' and that is not speaking up about something we should.

On the authority of Abu Sa'id (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

Let not any one of you belittle himself. They said: O Messenger of Allah, how can any one of us belittle himself? He said: He finds a matter concerning Allah about which he should say something, and he does not say [it], so Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says to him on the Day of Resurrection: What prevented you from saying something about such-and-such and such-and-such? He say: [It was] out of fear of people. Then He says: Rather it is I whom you should more properly fear.

It was related by Ibn Majah with a sound chain of authorities.

So we should give nasiha. Before you do it, though, just think about you would appreciate being told that you’re doing something wrong :

Narrated Anas: The Prophet said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself."

And always ask your sisters to correct you, if you’re doing something wrong :)

Well, sister, this is my little advice….I hope inshaAllah the readers can add some more tips and stuff :D

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Great Expectations

I am a Filipina and practicing ISLAM.
Been reading your write ups and articles and whatever they call it! I find your blog so cool and helpful. I used to do blogging stuffs but then I stopped after getting busy into my high school stuffs.
Alhamdulillah!

So decided to send you an email, and thinking if you could help me outta here.

I'm 17 years of age, a college student. And let me say, I love doing community service. I love keeping busy.
I'm trying hard to pray five times a day, do sunnah's and others. (I cannot call my self a FULL Muslim for I still have flaws, yet I strive hard to be a good one! Inshaallah.)

I don't know how to start my query.
You know, I just feel sad these past few days because of my my situation.
My family see me us the villain, the black sheep and the bad one here. (i keep it on my mind NOT THINK that way)
When I first entered college, they asked me what course which I really want to take. So I pursued it.
But then just this summer vacation, I found out that my mom didn't like it for me. So to satisfy her, I decided to shift even if i was able to finish major subjects.
It saddens me that all these times, my parents weren't actually happy for me.
I shifted. Yes, No more science in my life!
And just recently, my father accused me of something I never did. I didn't explain. I shut my mouth to show my respect. I just cried the whole day! I was so depressed, that after doing all those things to satisfy them, they still see me as a failure when in fact I think, my other siblings are more into failure. I am always compared to my sister. a consistent A graded, good in her speaking and writing skills----and she's always the good one here. Whatever she asks from my parents is given to her. Expensive and Impractical ones. As far as I know, I never asked my parents a material thing. Never. I make alternative ways to lessen my expenses as a student. Infact, I do not tell them when I'm sick for them not to be burdened. (I do not envy that. I don't care. after all, we cannot bring them in the hereafter. do i say it right?)
I don't know what to do! I do the household chores. I pray. I wear my hijab properly. I never involved my self into "INLOVE" and boys thing. Astagfirullah! Never entertained suitors and do astagfir for the fitnah. My parents are both professionals and respected, and I never think of making their image bad, never think of staining their jobs.
I have this feeling that maybe my father sees me wrong just because I was not able to get A grade in my studies for the first academic year of my college life. (and i cannot accept that if that's the only reason, then will I be wrong ALWAYS? and my good deeds will not be credited?) *It takes one million good things for you to be called Good Person yet only one mistake to destroy them and be called BAD!*

I am into this sport/organization that at first, my parents did not stop me to join. I was so active before that because I am also into this leadership. Whenever I am committed to a service, I make sure to finish that. In regards with this one, I'm helpless because my mother didn't want me to continue. She wants me to stop from involving in it! But I have so many pending works and responsibilities to be done this following months. and In fact, I will be promoted INSHAALLAH! But if they will let me to stop, then my hardships and sacrifices I did last year will turn to NOTHING. They will turn to ashes! I cannot make promises that I can get A grade even if I'm still active in our organization. I stopped promising! I have this tendency of failing.
I don't feel like talking to my parents because of the fear that they might get me wrong and I'll be wrong. I was still able to maintain my scholarship though. I know what I am doing. Studies first before extra-curricular activities. I know that! I didn't get failing grades (Alhamdulillah) but they are not satisfied with that. they want me to get into top. which i cannot promise because we have limitations. waaaaaaaah! I'm sorry. I guess my story was not like... hmm. okkaay! Maybe I need some advice to keep my positivity and how to cope up with my frustrations. I know, these things are only tests but I can't just deny myself from reacting or overreacting.

Thank You So Much.
I'm looking forward for your AS SOON AS POSSIBLE response.

Yours,
Hafsa NC with overflowing love. <3

Dearest Hafsa NC,

First of all, let me apologize if this wasn’t as 'fast as you were hoping'. You see, not only do each of us have our own 'real live jobs' to deal with, behind the scenes, we actually have a lot of e-mails to answer (including private e-mails :D).OH, and also, it depends on the type of question. ;)

But, anyways, my heart broke for you as I read your letter.

I see a daughter…wanting her parents to be happy with her…wanting to be loved and appreciated…wanting her parents to be proud of her.

I see a sister who seems a little confused- wondering what more can she for them? What will make her parents accept her?

And about the only thing I have to comfort you with is this-

Sometimes, there is nothing for you to do.

Sometimes, it is not us that need to change- ….

I mean, I really don’t see anything for you to fix. And no easy solution.

You see, we grow up with the notion of parents who know exactly what to say, how to say it and when to say it. We also grow up with the idea of parents who understand their children, support them (almost unconditionally) and encourage them lovingly, etc.

But the reality is that is an over idealized version of parents.

Our parents are human.

I know that sounds pretty 'dumb' and like we 'all know that' but wait one minute….Really, really, let that sink in.

Your parents are not perfect and they never will be perfect. What you’re seeing right now- the part that compares you to your older sister- is simply the ‘human side of them’. The side with weaknesses and faults- just like all of us.

And here's the thing.

I definitely agree that your parents should not compare you to your sister, but sometimes, parents just don’t know any better. Maybe they think that will motivate you more to ‘be successful in the way they understand success.' Maybe they’re doing it because they ‘love you’ and want you to ‘be the best you can be’ and don’t realize that you’re already happy and already trying to be the best you can be.

It's hard being a parent because you are working 24/7. You never stop being a parent, even when you are clueless what to do. Your parents want what's best for you and they think they know what is best for you-- so they're just confused how to get you to see what's 'best for you'.

Sounds confusing?

Think of it this way:

When your parents had you, they probably 'dreamt' what they wanted you to be.

And whether they consciously realized it or not, they probably imagined you to be like them- to have the same similar taste and interests and ideas of success.

I mean, haven’t you ever imagined what you would do with your kids? InshaAllah? Did you ever imagine them to be ‘really different from you’?

It seems to me that you have different interests and versions of success- your parents seem to think that getting straight A+ is important while you seem to recognize that intelligence and success are not limited to ‘grades’.

And that’s part of the conflict. You have different values. You believe helping the community and doing work in the organization is important- they don’t. Or at least, they don’t understand why you put so much work into it.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that your parents maybe cannot relate to you 100% and simply understand your sister more. They maybe don’t mean to compare you guys, but it just happens.

And of course, there’s always the possibility too that maybe they don’t actually compare you more to your sister but you just ‘feel that way’. It’s true! Sometimes, we are the ones projecting feelings onto our parents.

But in ANY event, whether they do compare you or not, realize that you cannot control their feelings about you. No matter what you do and what you sacrifice for them, you will never be able to control what they think of you.

So why let what you think they think of you control your happiness?

 You do not need to measure yourself by the way they measure you.

May Allah forgive me or a sister correct if me I am wrong in that sentence, but what I have understood is that all you have to do Islamically is try to please them, befriend them, treat them with respect and dignity and give them their Islamic rights.

BUT, you do not need to label yourself as a black sheep because you feel that’s what they think of you.

It’s your CHOICE.

You can either

1. - Succumb to this feeling of ‘being a ‘black sheep’
2. - Or RISE UP, be proud of yourself, and realize that you are a special

They are both 'options for you'. But only one of them will make you feel happy.

Really, you do not need to wait for your parents' "approval" of you and your achievements to feel proud of yourself. Why wait another day to find happiness? Take pride of your own achievements and the fact that you are trying to be a better Muslimah.

And maybe, instead of making your parents pleasure your ‘goal’, make Allah’s pleasure your goal and the rest inshaAllah will soon follow.


Just one thing- about not wanting to talk to them because you feel they will not understand….

You don’t necessarily have to go up to your parents and say:
“Mom and Dad, why do you treat me like a BLACK SHEEP?”

But you can talk to them about different things. Try to build a relationship with them based on something other than your school work/ college grades. Reach out to them as a friend. Ask them about their day. Show them that no matter what, you care about them.


And inshaAllah, things will get better.


May Allah make things easier for you :) Sisters, share your advice, inshaAllah =)

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It's Not a Man's World.

Assalamalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa baraqa tu hu!
Hello, little aunties, I just happened to perchance an article about the description of heaven. Like other articles I have read, it pertains to things that would be enticing to men. So what is in heaven for women? And what is a woman's status in heaven? And is it a sin to wonder these things? I feel bad about wondering these things, but I also feel sad that there seems to be nothing for women. I am not trying to start a riot, I was just wondering is all...

Waa’lykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa baratkoo, Dearest Sister!

Aww, sis, I’m sure many Muslimahs (me included) have had that same thought cross our minds. I’m not entitled to say what is a sin and what is not, but your question reminded me of what one of our Mother’s radiya Allah Anha asked the Prophet sallah Allaho layhee wa salam :)  :

Imam Ahmad recorded that Umm Salamah, may Allah be pleased with her, the wife of the Prophet said, "I said to the Prophet , `Why is it that we are not mentioned in the Qur'an as men are?."  Then one day without my realizing it, he was calling from the Minbar and I was combing my hair, so I tied my hair back then I went out to my chamber in my house, and I started listening out, and he was saying from the Minbar:

Verily, the Muslims: men and women, the believers: men and women, the Qanit: men and the women, the men and women who are truthful, the men and the women who are patient, the Khashi`: men and the women, the men and the women who give Sadaqat, the men and the women who fast, the men and the women who guard their chastity and the men and the women who remember Allah much with their hearts and tongues, Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward. (33:35)

The truth is jannah was not created by a man and it was not created only for men. It was created as an eternal abode for the righteous and it was created by He who knows His creation’s deepest desires. It was created by the Most Merciful, ArRahan Ar Raheem.

So...what do we have in store for us?

We cannot even IMAGINE what is in store for us.

Allah said: "And when you look there [in Paradise] you will see a delight [that cannot be imagined]. and a great dominion" [76:20]

Abu Hurayrah Radiya Allah Anhoo narrated hat the Prophet Sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam said that Allah (swt) said, "I have prepared for My slaves what no eye has seen, no ear has heard and no human heart can imagine". Recite if you wish, "No person know what is kept hidden for them of joy as a reward for what they used to do." (32:17).

Imam Ahmad recorded from Suhayb ibn Sinan ar-Rumi: The Messenger of Allah recited, (the words meaning), “For those who have done good is the best and even more.” [Sura Yunus, 26]

Think about the thing you want most from this world. Seriously. And now X that by 10, no 100, no 1,000 times. Jannah is the place where Al Kareem- the most Generous- rewards His servants. :D

“Therein will be a running spring.
Therein will be thrones raised high.
And cups set at hand.
And cushions set in rows.
And rich carpets (all) spread out”
[al-Ghaashiyah 88:12-16]

And those who believed and whose descendants followed them in faith - We will join with them their descendants, and We will not deprive them of anything of their deeds. Every person, for what he earned, is retained. (52: 21)

And whoever obeys Allah and the Messenger - those will be with the ones upon whom Allah has bestowed favor of the prophets, the steadfast affirmers of truth, the martyrs and the righteous. And excellent are those as companions. (4: 69)

Not only will we have our family with us (inshaAllah,ya Rubb), and the prophets, martyrs as our companions, we will never hear a single ‘rude word’. Nobody calling you ugly, stupid, or anything hurtful. Just peace and bliss :D

"Where they shall hear neither harmful speech nor falsehood" [88:11]

"And We shall remove from their breasts any lurking sense of injury: [they will be] brothers [joyfully] facing each other on thrones [of dignity]" [15:47]

Let's take a look also at Ibn Al Qayyim's description of Paradise..

“And if you ask about its ground and its soil, then it is of musk and saffron.
And if you ask about its roof, then it is the Throne of the Most Merciful.
And if you ask about its rocks, then they are pearls and jewels.
And if you ask about its buildings, then they are made of bricks of gold and silver.And if you ask about its trees, then it does not contain a single tree except that its trunk is made of gold and silver.
And if you ask about its fruits, then they are softer than butter and sweeter than honey.
And if you ask about its leaves, then they are softer than the softest cloth.
And if you ask about its rivers, then there are rivers of milk who’s taste does not change, and rivers of wine that is delicious to those who drink it, and rivers of honey that is pure, and rivers of water that is fresh.
And if you ask about their food, then it is fruits from whatever they will choose, and the meat of whatever birds they desire.
And if you ask about their drink, then it is Tasneem, ginger, and Kaafoor.
And if you ask about their drinking cups, then they are crystal-clear and made of gold and silver.
And if you ask about its shade, then a fast rider would ride in the shade of one of its trees for a hundred years and not escape it.
.....

He goes on to say:

And if you ask about the Day of Increase (in reward) and the visit of the all-Mighty, all-Wise, and the sight of His Face – free from any resemblance or likeness to anything – as you see the Sun in the middle of the day and the full Moon on a cloudless night, then listen on the day that the caller will call: ‘O People of Paradise! Your Lord – Blessed and Exalted – requests you to visit Him, so come to visit Him!’ So they will say: ‘We hear and obey!’

Until, when they finally reach the wide valley where they will all meet – and none of them will turn down the request of the caller – the Lord – Blessed and Exalted – will order His Chair to be brought there. Then, pulpits of light will emerge, as well as pulpits of pearls, gemstone, gold, and silver. The lowest of them in rank will sit on sheets of musk, and will not see what those who are on the chairs above them are given. When they are comfortable where they are sitting and are secure in their places, and the caller calls: ‘O People of Paradise! You have an appointment with Allaah in which He wishes to reward you!’ So they will say: ‘And what is that reward? Has He not already made our faces bright, made our scales heavy, entered us into Paradise, and pushed us away from the Fire?’


And when they are like that, all of a sudden a light shines that encompasses all of Paradise. So, they raise their heads, and, behold: the Compeller – Exalted is He, and Holy are His Names – has come to them from above them and majestified them and said: ‘O People of Paradise! Peace be upon you!’ So, this greeting will not be responded to with anything better than: ‘O Allaah! You are Peace, and from You is Peace! Blessed are You, O possessor of Majesty and Honor!’ So the Lord – Blessed and Exalted – will laugh to them and say: ‘O People of Paradise! Where are those who used to obey Me without having ever seen Me? This is the Day of Increase!’


So, they will all give the same response: ‘We are pleased, so be pleased with us!’ So, He will say: ‘O People of Paradise! If I were not pleased with you, I would not have made you inhabitants of My Paradise! So, ask of Me!’ So, they will all give the same response: ‘Show us your Face so that we may look at it!’ So, the Lord – Mighty and Majestic – will remove his covering and will majestify them and will cover them with His Light, which, if Allaah – the Exalted – had not Willed not to burn them, would have burned them.

And there will not remain a single person in this gathering except that his Lord – the Exalted – will speak to him and say: ‘Do you remember the day that you did this and that?’ and He will remind him of some of his bad deeds in the Worldy life, so he will say: ‘O Lord! Will you not forgive me?’ So, He will say:‘Of course! You have not reached this position of yours (in Paradise) except by my forgiveness.’

So, how sweet is this speech to the ears, and how cooled are the righteous eyes by the glance at His Noble Face in the Afterlife…

{Some faces that Day will be shining and radiant, looking at their Lord…} (al-Qiyaamah:22-3) (Quoted from: here)

Well, what about women specifically? 

This is a nice short clip for us:

But this was a longer note that I thought was relevant;

Now some people, mostly non-muslims still ask a question that: there will be multiple wives or houris (hoor al-Ayn/hur ul-Ayn/hoors/hurs) in Islamic Paradise for Muslim men then what is for Muslim women?

The situation of the believing woman in Paradise will be better than the situation of the houris (hoor al-Ayn); she will be higher in status and more beautiful. If a righteous woman from among the people of this world enters Paradise, then she will do so as a reward for her righteous deeds and as an honour from Allah to her for her religious commitment and righteousness. As for the houri who is one of the delights of Paradise, is an immortal woman, who does not age. She speaks softly and does not raise voice at her man; she is always reconciled with him. Having been brought up in luxury, she is a luxury herself, she has only been created in Paradise for the sake of someone else, and has been made the reward for the believing man for his righteous deeds. There is a great difference between one who enters Paradise as a reward for her righteous deeds and the one who was created as a reward for one who did righteous deeds. The former is a queen and a princess, and the latter, no matter how beautiful she is, is undoubtedly lower in status than a queen, and she (houri) is subject to the command of her believing master (man) for whom Allah created her as a reward.

The main reason why the Qur’an and Hadiths are stressing the fact that men will get Houris (Hoor al-Ayn) is because it is more appealing to men than promising virgin men to women. Men are more sexually active and therefore are facing a lot of difficulty (especially in the teenage years) to remain chaste. There are a lot of temptations in this world. That is why that Allah keeps promising these virgin girls to those that remain patient and steadfast. That way, this motivates the unmarried men to remain chaste and be patient because they know they have something better waiting for them in the next life.

Now with all these proofs you can easily invalidate the argument made by some non-Muslims that women will not get any benefits out of the Islamic Paradise. The men and women are equal in the sight of Allah (SWT) except for those whom are more pious. Just because they're equal doesn’t mean they're exactly the same. They have physical, mental and emotional differences. Men have superiority over women in certain aspects such as physical strength, while women have more superiority over men from a caring and nurturing perspective. In the same manner, like our differences, they may have rewards that are different from one another, but that in no way suggest inequality. For instance, if you want to reward your son for something, perhaps you'll let him play a video game for example, whereas if you want to reward your daughter, perhaps you'll let her invite her friend over, or buy her something nice.

Therefore, men and women have different needs and wants so obviously rewards would differ. But overall, the rewards for both men and women will be equal (but not same) as Allah (SWT) says in the following verses of the Holy Quran:

They and their wives shall be in shades, reclining on raised couches. [Qur'an, Surah 36:56]

They will have with their Lord whatever they desire; that is the reward of those who good. [Qur'an, Surah, 39:34]

Enter the garden, you and your wives; you shall be made happy. [Qur'an, Surah 43:70]

So their Lord accepted their prayer: That I will not waste the work of a worker among you, whether male or female... [Qur'an, Surah 3:195]

(If you want to read more, click on the link above to read the rest of the note).


I hope, inshaAllah, this satisfies your dear sister....and remember, Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala is the Most Merciful and Generous. 

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Half of One's Deen.

Do Muslims have to get married?
B.T.

Dear BT,

Do Muslims HAVE to get married?

I know that unfortunately today, there are a LOT of Muslim girls who are wary of marriage because of backward cultural ‘customs’ they've seen in certain marriages. It doesn’t help that some Muslim parents keep telling their daughters things like “Oh, you can’t cook. You’re such a disgrace. What will your in-laws do with you/ what will your husband do with you?” Etc. etc. –making marriage seem a lot like serving a sentence in jail…and being all cooped up and all. :( 

The reality is that  when both partners are well-informed of Islam, their obligations and rights, marriage is not so bad. It is hard work, but Islamically, husbands and wives should be garments for each other, protecting each other and caring for each other.

Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala also states:

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”

[al-Room 30:21]

But anyways, on to your question =)

Let’s take a look at what the scholars have to say. This is quoted from Islam Q&A:

You should note that people are not all the same when it comes to marriage. The basic principle that marriage, which was the way of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), is prescribed, applies to all people, but it may be more important in the case of some people than others.


Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

With regard to marriage, people are of three types:

1 – Some fear that they may fall into haraam things if they do not get married. Such a person has toget married, according to the majority of fuqaha’, because he has to keep himself chaste and protect himself against doing haraam things, and the way to do that is getting married.

2 – For some it is mustahabb. This is the one who feels desire but there is no danger of his falling into haraam. It is better for him to get married than to devote himself to naafil acts of worship. This is the view of ashaab al-ra’y and it is the view of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them and their deeds).

3 – Those who have no desire, either because they were not created with any desire, such as one who is impotent, or they had desire but it has disappeared due to old age, sickness and so on. There are two opinions:

(i) It is mustahabb to get married because of the general meaning of what we havediscussed.
(ii) Remaining single is better for him because he cannot achieve the purpose of marriage, and he would be preventing his wife from becoming chaste by marrying someone else. And he would be harming her by keeping her for himself, and he is exposing himself to obligations and duties that perhaps he cannot fulfil, and he is distracting himself from seeking knowledge and worship with something that is of no benefit to him.

[Remember]

It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:

Three people came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asking about the worship of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When they were told, it was as if they regarded it as too little. They said: Who are we in comparison to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)? Allaah has forgiven his past and future sins. One of them said: As for me, I will pray all night forever. Another said: I shall fast all my life and never break my fast. Another said: I shall keep away from women and never get married. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and said: “Are you the ones who said such and such? By Allaah, I am the one who fears Allaah the most among you and I am the most pious, but I fast and I break my fast, I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5063) and Muslim (1401).

Taken from here

And also:

The benefits of marriage are many. They include: protecting one’s religion and helping one to adhere to it; protecting and taking care of women; and producing offspring and increasing the ranks of the ummah, thus achieving the pride of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), etc. And here

Think about it. With marriage, you can have a family.....and inshaAllah if you raise them well, they could be the very next Salah Ad-Din :)

ETA- that doesn't mean that you marry the first guy or you just get married because of cultural expectations. It means that you do NOT rule out marriage and that you are willing to get married to the right guy :)

Lots of love,

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RE: Niqabi 101.

Alaikum sisters,

MashAllah, you are niqabis. First of all I want to say that before I used to outright refuse the idea of ever wearing niqab, but recently, as I think about it, I see how wonderful it actually is. I can imagine it being even more comfortable than wearing a hijab, and even more simple, and yes even more liberating. So I am a hijabi and, inshAllah, I would love to wear niqab. And this is where the question comes in:
how do you ladies as niqabis deal with getting an I.D. basically anything that requires an identification, like for the airport especially?
I know it can be done. I just want to know what is the smartest way to deal with these issues. I need some sisterly advice from experienced folks. This way, I will InshAllah do the right thing in these situations, and I don't freak out. And in this way, I can stop all of those "fears" I might have. But I know most of it has to do with me overthinking and having irrational fears. So inshAllah, knowledge will certainly help alleviate in some ways. And, inshAllah, becoming sincere in my intention is definately key in succeeding as with all things ibaadah-related. That's another thing, I need to keep in mind.

thanks a bunch
-niqab 101

wa'alykum as aslam wa rahmutllah wa barkatoo,
Dearest Niqabi 101,
Ma'shaAllah on thinking of joining the club :P Hehe :) Y'know, we hated the niqab ourselves never thought we'd wear it- but SubhanAllah, Allah is the One who has our hearts, isn't He? :) And now it's pretty much a part of us. You probably already did, but just in case you haven't, you can always go through the niqab label we have and see some general advice and all :D
As for your specific question, the honest truth is, when we have to 'show ourselves' like in the airport...we just show ourselves. I'm thinking that's probably not the answer you want to hear. But it is that simple. Alhamdilllah, we're almost always traveling from a Gulf country to Egypt and back- so they're usually quiet understanding (well at least on the Gulf side ;P). I mean, they even have like a private room with a woman officer. On the Egyptian side, it's just a man and you just have to lift the niqab up- real fast- let him take a look- and then you put it back down. That's all. They don't bite :)
If you want more information though for how it is in non-Muslim countries,  we can put this up on the blog and have the other sisters answer you, inshaAllah with their experiences :) Tomorrow? Or later tonight, inshaAllah> :) 
Lots of love,

Wa'alaikumus salam/Salam alaikum,

Not at all. I am not disappointed with the reply. Yes, it would be great to have a discussion on the website especially talking about for non-muslim countries. Also how college student niqaabis do it?

Yep, I checked out the database quesitons on niqaab, although can I still see both of your story of niqaab?


btw, this is the swiftest reply I could have ever expected! Ma'shAllah to you All. Much khair to all three of you. I pray that we can all have even more ikhlaas, and continually be improving in deen.

Salams and love

So yeah..we're turning this over to YOU :)

Show some love and share your stories/ experiences/ advice.

*Sisterly advice* *Best moments while wearing niqab* *Tell us* :D

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He loves me...He loves me not....?

I've recently come back to Islam and I'm very much confused. I've spent the last four years in a relationship with a guy. I've talked to him about making this relationship right and he said he would marry me, but in a year, inshaAllah because we have some problems right now. The problem is that a part of me is not so sure right now that I should marry him because during our time together we had two serious fights when I found out he was talking to another girl behind my back. I was very shocked and he said he would never do it again. But then it happened one more time. I told him then that I was done and that I could not be with a cheater. We parted ways but then he begged for my forgiveness. He told me that he loved me only and that he didn't even know why he was talking to the other girls. He's also introduced me to his family before, so I know that he was serious about me. His family are all very sweet and like me. A part of me desparaetly wants to believe that we are meant to be together, but another part isn't really sure what to do.
Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

I know I took foreveeeeeeeeeeer to respond,  but I just didn’t know where to start. This is going to be one jumbled up e-mail. Sorry about that! 

Sweetie, it sounds like you're really confused.  Our feelings can sometimes cloud our judgment and make things seem even more confusing. 


I can't tell you if he is the one for you, but something tells me, that deep down inside, you might already know the answer?

Is he the one for you?

If you were to answer that question- really fast- you know, react to the question, what would you say? I don't want you to justify his behavior. I want you to tell me what you may already know. I mean, the truth is, you've been with him for 4 years! Enough time to get a degree from university. 


 You know him better than I do, better than his family does, and better probably than he knows himself…..

Is he?

If he is, well, you need to keep in mind that dating is haram in Islam.  So, if you believe that he is the one for you, whether or not he has told your parents or his parents about it, you still can’t do anything….no touching hands…no calling him..no talking to him  (without a wali)... ….nothing....until he says those *magical words*: “I do/ I accept”. (Yes, the marriage nikah words.) I know you said that won’t be until a year inshaAllah, but until then, Islamically he is considered a ‘stranger’ to you.

Hey, think of it as 'really giving him a chance to see if he can stay committed to you-- see it a real real fresh start, one based on Allah's blessings, inshaAllah, because there won't be any 
haram!

Think about it. You’re that special! Only someone who is serious about you and serious about starting a future with you –-- only that kind of person- can even daydream about  calling you up in the middle of the night…hanging out with you....holding your hands...

---

On the other hand, if you’re thinking, “I’m really not sure if he is the one for me/ I don’t know why I gave him a second chance…."

I’ll tell you right now…..There's this saying that goes- 

“I won't let someone be my number 1 who makes me his number 2”. 

What do you think you are in his priority list? ( I really am asking....). I mean, of course his and your and all of our 'number 1' should be Allah, the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa saalm, our parents....but after that, where are you?


 I want you to realize that four years isn’t forever. Yes, it’s a long time, but it isn’t forever. Marriage is going to be forever.  If you have one doubt about this relationship, it might be better to just 'stop it'. Why build your future on a risk of whether or not he will stay committed? That is the most basic aspect to a relationship, isn't it? 


I mean, just ask yourself a major question here: can I trust him 100% not to cheat on me again? What if it happens again?  What would happen to me? Will I be able to emotionally deal with that? What if ....what if...he doesn't change? 

Can you trust him? Will you always check his cellphone and his msn chats, etc.?                                                                      
    
You also need to keep in mind that  ‘love’ isn’t the ‘be all and end all’ of everything. 

A young man might claim that he loves a woman but hits her/or beats her. Would it really matter if he  "felt feelings for her" or loved her, then?

The question was never whether this man loved you or not.  It wasn't even whether you 
loved him or not.   The question was whether he would treat you right...whether he would treat you like he loved you.

You see, I hate to break this to you (I really do), but when you accept ‘his excuse’ about ‘loving’ you- you are saying that ‘you will accept any of his behavior as long as he loves you’. GIRL. You are worth more than that. You deserve more than that. The condition shouldn't be about his ‘love’ for you. You are loveable! Who wouldn't love you?! :D It should be about his behavior, because that’s what you’re going to be dealing with day in and day out. He should be 'showing you that he loves you'...not just telling you. 

The truth is this....

Sometimes (and this is what is supposed to happen Islamically)- two people marry each other, not yet completely in love. But these two people treat each other right- in a  courteous, respectful, sweet manner and their loves grows…..until they are in love with each other.

On the other hand, if you guys are crazy in love together, but you don’t treat each other right, that love will fade away….

So the issue isn’t about love. It’s about behavior. There's a big difference. 

In other words- he's supposed to be the guy that you go and cry to. He's not supposed to be 'why' you're crying!

  So sister, I think you need to seriously evaluate this relationship. You need to think about the marriage questions. If you get into a fight, how will he treat you? What does he think a wife is supposed to do? What kind of behavior does he think is accepted/ expected from him? What is a relationship to him? 

You get me?

 What does marriage mean to him? What does it mean to YOU? What kind of a father will he be? 

You need to also ask yourself this very tough question. When you think about keeping your relationship, are you thinking about 'him', or are you thinking about 'who you want him to be'? 

You can't think about 'who you want him to be' because that's not who he is. You have to think about 'him'. Take him as he is right now. Is the one you want 
to marry?

                        
More importantly, I think you really need to ask yourself (and you can ask him but with a wali present) about his 'values'? I mean if you want to have a good future together, that's what you need to know. Forget about the 'sweet memories/your shared history'- at this point in time, do you have a common vision? Do you share the same goal? Do you believe in the same things? You said you've come back to Islam, ma'shaAllah, and that's wonderful to hear.


Has he?
What if you want your daughter to wear hijab and he doesn't? What if he doesn't pray his 5 prayers? What if you don't want music clips in your house and he does? Even if you 'fell in love with' him before, if you don't agree on the role of religion in your life, you guys might drive each other crazy...(Besides, you really should marry someone who does want to be religious). .You really need to address these issues when you meet him with your wali,inshaAllah.  


One thing you can try is praying istikharah, too, inshaAllah. Remember, marriage is half of one's deen. 


Well sister, these are my thoughts on the issue. Hey, I told you it would be jumbled up. inshaAllah the other sisters can help, too :) And maybe you can ask someone more knowledgeable, too, inshaAllah :)

Before I go, though, I want to remind my sisters here that relationships outside of marriage are not permissible and  there is no way that Allah will bless a relationship that goes against His Laws. The door to repentance is open now, though...:)  May Allah guide us :D






Lots of love,


P.S. Animated Icons from: Here :)

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