Suicide- the solution?!!

>> Monday, September 13, 2010




I’ve started reading your blog after my sister introduced it to me… and somehow I think it’s great that I can finally rely on someone on this matter (I’m so sorry for the long letter, but I really need a few advice on how to deal with such things). I have a friend I’ve just met about 3 months ago after entering college. I don’t know how, but we somehow clicked with each other. But I never noticed (maybe a few signs, but never the huge one) that she was beginning to think that death is better for her. I did noticed that she was somehow upset and depressed with something, but I just couldn’t grasp what it was all about… not until she broke down and told me everything just 2 weeks ago.

She had a problem with her dad and she was always frustrated with her mother because her mother never complained, even though her dad treated her mother really badly. Always calling her mother fat and stuff until she cried and starts to think that liposuction could help her to look more beautiful. In the midst it, my friend ran away from home at the age of 18 after she couldn’t stand anymore of it. She got married to someone she know at London and they were blessed with a healthy son. She said that it was the happiest year in her entire life.

But when she heard a news about her mother getting sick (thyroid cancer), she returned home just for the sake of her beloved mother. Her mother died soon after that. She was so upset but there was nothing she could do. She wanted to return back to her husband (at London), but to her surprise, her passport has gone missing (she suspected her dad had took it away). Ever since then, her dad had been stressing her greatly by forcing her to divorce her husband! But she declines it with much force.

One thing leads to another; her dad managed to force her to enter college even though all she wanted was to be a housewife. But seeing the odds were great against her (with her dad freezing her bank accounts and all), she couldn’t do anything. She left her son in the care of her closest aunt and start studying in the same college I’m attending. She stayed in the hostel and made good friends. She could still get in touched with her husband through skype, so she wasn’t that upset yet. Not until…
Eid Mubarak arriving and she had to go home. What had upset her most was:
1) Her son didn’t recognize her after not seeing her for almost 1 month

2) Her dad had remarried even though her mother had just passed away 3 months ago

3) Her dad cutting off the internet connection at home and she couldn’t get in touch with her husband!



I knew all of this through hand phone, so I couldn’t pat her back like I always do, or hug her when she cries. Her hometown is very far from my own and I couldn’t be there for her in this dire situation. What had shocked me the most was that she started to say things like how much she wanted to die and all? I have tried my best in giving her advice and reminding her that it is HARAM to commit suicide! I’m scared for her since I know that she once had a history of overdose! I’m trying my best to reach out for her, but I think I’m already at my limit since what else could a 17 year old girl like me do than giving a pat at the back?

Please… I need some help! How can I persuade her? I’ve been praying to Allah SWT to give her His guidance day and night, but I’m still scared with all of this. It’s affecting my mind too... somehow!



A concerned and scared 17 year old girl.



Dear A concerned and scared 17 year old girl,

My poor sis, what a load you have had to bear these past 2 weeks! Thinking that your friend might do something desperate and kill herself must have been driving you 'crazy' from worry. I can imagine that after clicking 'send' this email, you might have felt a little like you 'broke your friend's trust', but I want to reassure you that you did the RIGHT thing. You did this because you CARE about your friend. The truth is, the fact that you sent this question to me shows me that you’re a very good friend, mashaAllah!! I’d want someone like you on my side.

Now, I was thinking- if you want, you can tell her the truth- that you reached out for help for because she matters that much…because she is important…and because she is our sister in Islam. I mean you can tell her you sent in an anonymous question, but if you feel that would upset her, then don’t do it. You can just give her our advice yourself which basically is...

Begin by reminding her that this life is a test and she was created for eternal bliss.

Acknowledge that she is in pain and suffering but remind her that Allah loves her. You can tell her something like this:

“Right now, I know you’re hurting really bad and things seem completely out of your hands. But I want you to remember something: suicide is never the answer to your problems. Allah (SWT) loves you. That’s right. He loves you. The closest people to Allah are the ones He tests the most.

And He has wisdom in every single thing He does even if you can’t see it right now. I want you to stop a moment and to think about that….really think about it.”

Try to boost her emaan a bit by reminding her of other people’s trials- really try to get her to visualize it. You could say something like this:

*Friend’s name*, sweetie, do you realize how similar your story is to one of the Mother of the Believers? Yes!! What you are going through right now is so much like what our mother UmmSalamah went through.

(Here’s a reminder of her story for you, hehe.) When the Qurayshis ‘upped’ the level of their torture and it became sooooo unbearable, the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam gave permission for the Companions to do hijrah to the Abyissinia, right.

Umm Salamah and her husband and son got ready to emigrate…as Umm Salamah literally got on the camel to go, her tribe came running to stop her. They told her husband that he could go as he wanted, but that she ‘was theirs’, and she couldn’t go! Just like how your friend’s father isn’t letting her go back to her husband.

But you know what else happened? Well, her husband’s tribe got angry that her tribe was also taking the son with them. They claimed the son ‘was theirs’. They grabbed him. (In fact, the two tribes fought over the poor boy, hurting his little hand!)

In her own words, she says:

They took him by the hand and pulled him away from me. Suddenly, in the space of a few moments, I found myself alone and lonely. My husband headed for Madinah by himself and his clan had snatched my son away from me. My own clan, Banu Makhzum, overpowered me and forced me to stay with them.


Can you imagine? She was separated away from them for an entire YEAR! At a time when there was no telephone/computer/etc. Nothing. And don’t forget- the majority of the Arabs were illiterate so there wasn’t any snail mail either!

For months, all she could do was cry and cry. Finally, a man pleaded on her behalf and she was free to take her son and join her husband.

She quickly grabbed her camel and headed in the direction of Madinah. Remember, she was ‘a woman’ and she was completely alone in the desert- at that time, it really wasn’t safe for women to do that!

But Allah subhanoo Wa’ tala, He had plans for her. After traveling 3 miles she met up with Uthman ibn Talhah who at the time was still not Muslim- but being a great and noble gentleman, he chivalrously insisted that he escort her all the way to Madinah (despite not having anything to do there!). As soon as she arrived, he left her and the family was happily reunited…

And yet, her story doesn’t end there. During the the Battle of Uhud, Umm Salamah’s husband, Abu Salamah was greatly wounded. At the end of the battle, he was terribly sick. While his wife nursed him, he said to her,
"I heard the Messenger of Allah saying whenever a calamity afflicts anyone he should say, 'We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, with You I leave my plight for consideration, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it.'"

Soon after, her dear husband passed away. She remembered the prayer her husband had quoted from the Prophet and began repeating it, "O Lord, with you I leave this my plight for consideration…." But she could not bring herself to continue with "O Lord, give me something better than it in exchange for it." She kept asking herself, "Who could be better than Abu Salamah?" But after a while she completed the supplication….

And you know who she ended up marrying, right?

The Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam, himself!!

My point with all this? Although in the midst of everything happening, the world may seem very black- an unfriendly, cold place, in the end it becomes obvious that everything happens for a reason. Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala says, “Verily with hardship is ease”!

In fact, the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam said:

“Whatever befalls a Muslim of exhaustion, illness, worry, grief, nuisance or trouble, even though it may be no more than a prick of a thorn, earns him forgiveness by Allah of some of his sins.

Sa'd (Radiya Allah anhoo) reported that the Prophet (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) said: " The most in their suffering among the people are the prophets, then the best, then the (next) best. One is afflicted in accordance with his deen (faith). If his deen is firm his affliction is hard, and if his deen is weak, his affliction is light. Indeed, one would be so much subjected to adversity until he walks among the people without any sins. " [Ahmad, Tirmithee ]


Once you’ve tried to boost her emaan (which btw you can also try from here:), try thinking together of a solution…a real one instead of suicide. Tell her: I know that right now things seem really really bad, but if we work together, I really think we can come up with a plan of action. I believe things can turn around, but we’ve got to zoom out a little from the problem and zoom IN on what can be done. What do you think about that? Does that sound okay? We take a look at what we can do instead of what we can’t :)

Like what? Well….

I’m sure you’ve already told her this but just in case you haven’t, suggest that she needs to sit down with her dad and have an honest discussion with him. She needs to tell him that as much as she knows he has rights over her as a father and as important as he is to her, she is a mother and a wife. She needs to recognize that she hurt him when she ran away and she needs to tell him that she want him to be a part of her life but that she has her own son and husband to think about now and she is deeply unhappy without them. She should also try to find a compromise about university- why doesn’t she tell him she’s stilling willing to go to college but that she wants to go to one in London so that she can be with her family. Or that she want to continue studying but she wants to wait a few years until her son is a little older? Or that she’d rather get an online degree? As much as her father has hurt her in the past, he might seriously be worried about her future and a college degree, today, is practically essential.

There’s another very important reason why she needs to talk to her dad and that has to do with the Islamic validity of her marriage. Islamically, a girl needs her wali’s consent to get married which is generally considered the ‘father’. Now, you didn’t mention what happened in this case, but if there was no wali, your friend should as soon as possible discuss this issue together with an Imam/scholar and her father and try and see how things can be sorted out. Let me make it clear, again, that the majority of scholars believe that a woman who weds a man without a wali isn’t considered married- so this needs to be resolved ASAP.

Now, as for her father remarrying- as much as we love our parents, they are human too and they have human needs. Try to gently talk to your friend about the fact her father’s step wife won’t replace her mother but she is a part of the family now. I’m not denying the fact that 3 months is a short time- but we have to also respect the fact that he did wait until after she died before having another relationship. Unfortunately, there are thousands of men who commit adultery. He didn’t do that. He might not have been the perfect husband- he might have been a lousy one, but at the end of the day, he stayed with her when she was sick with cancer. He didn’t walk away. More importantly, maybe your friend’s step-wife can help her. Encourage your friend to try to develop a relationship with her and then to try to appeal to her motherly side. If she isn’t that nice to her, maybe she can appeal to her selfish side- as in your friend might want to consider convincing her stepmother to pressure her dad to let her go back. Most newlyweds don’t want ‘an extra’ person around….

But what if her dad is completely unreasonable and she has discussed the issue with a scholar and has been told that she has the right to leave her father and go to her husband: (Again- she’s talked to a Muslim scholar and he’s studied her case properly)


  •  Your friend may try to get a grandparent/ uncle/ aunt/ someone her father respects to plead her case for her one last time...
  •  If that doesn’t work, she might want to think about working on getting a new passport. She can call her local consulate and tell them she’s misplaced her passport and would like to travel as soon as possible. They should be able to tell you what to do. Remember, passports are replaceable…lives are not! Once you have your own passport, again, she won’t be a prisoner
  • She needs a lawyer’s help/ she needs to do some research- find out how/ why her dad was able to freeze her bank accounts. If there is no way for her to access the money that was already in her account, then she needs to start looking for some part time work. I know she’s studying, but she could try babysitting a few hours in the weekend or tutoring some kids in the community. With her own pocketbook, she won’t have to rely on her dad as much. Another solution: she could get her hubby to send money every month to a very close friend’s account who would then give it to you and you’d give to her…
  • What about your friend trying to use the Internet in her university to talk to her hubby? If your campus doesn’t have Internet, she can try visiting a friend’s house and using theirs. Or how about going to an Internet café? If none of those options are possible, why doesn’t she try SMSing her hubby? You didn’t mention his financial situation but maybe he could try calling every once in a while?


Other than that, you should try to remind your friend of the fact that her son needs her. Remind her that she said that her best year was the year with her husband and son—that can happen again…she just needs patience. Ask her what she misses most about her son? Get her to talk about him and open up. Ask her how she felt when she was pregnant, how they picked the name, etc. Then, gently ask her, “Don’t you want to be there for him on his first day of school? Don’t you want to make his lunch for him? Tell him goodnight stories? Kiss his boo boos away”? Let het realize what she will be purposefully missing out if she decides to kill herself.

And, I’m pretty sure I don’t have to say this but, anyways, it’s important though that you are very gentle in your approach and that you do not make it sound like she’s some kinda wacko for considering suicide- just remind her that she still has her son and that he's not actually gone!

I do realize she must have been terribly hurt when he didn’t recognize her when she was on skype, but the same thing happened to me (almost). When I moved away, my 2 year old niece didn’t recognize me when I tried to webcamera chat with her- even though I had practically been her second mother. Well, at first it really hurt, but I kept making contact with her. Your friend’s husband should keep showing pictures of his wife to the child, reminding him of his mom. Your friend can even do what I did which was take pictures of myself and then add some of my niece’s favorite characters on to the picture…I kept going on and singing to her her favorite songs, making funny faces. She didn’t fully respond as before, but when she finally came to visit me (in the new country we’d move to), after a few minutes of initial shyness, she soon was playing and coloring with me…hanging out just like before.

The truth is her son will always be her son and he needs her…!

InshaAllah that will get to her, but if it doesn’t seem to get to her, the important thing for you to do is to stay strong. Tell your friend to call you whenever she begins to ‘despair’. If several days pass, you should also try calling her. Don’t be afraid to ask her how she’s feeling--- ask her, do you still feel like death would be better? Did anything happen lately that you want to talk about? Let her know that she can be honest with you. More importantly, always end your conversations with her reminding her how much she means to you. Tell her she has an incredible spirit/she’s beautiful inside and out/etc. Words like that can have an amazing effect. Tell her that you wish you could hug her and be there for her, etc.

However, if she still shows signs that she is majorly considering suicide, don’t be afraid to talk to a professor/counselor/someone and have someone intervene. In fact, you should do that! Your friend has a history of overdose- so, this is really serious.

Finally and perhaps most importantly, remind your friend to try to deepen her relationship with Allah. There is nothing He cannot do. There is nothing to difficult for Him. When all we see are closed doors, He opens a window in ways we never would have thought were possible. Tell your friend to keep making dua- to keep making istifgaar- to keep making extra prayers and acts of worship to please Him and to always have a positive image of Him. Perhaps Allah put her through this test for her to focus on Him… maybe she hasn’t really been paying Him too much attention and He wanted to turn her back to Him. This is her chance…she just has to seize it.


We know she can do it! It's time she stops running away....and starts facing her problems. It's the only way that they'll really go away =)

May Allah keep your friend from any harm,


                                                    &


P.s. Readers please share your words of encouragement (in the event that her friend does read this/for any sister that may be considering suicide. You don’t know whose life you may save!)

P.s.s. bits of Umm Salamah's story taken from here: http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?c=Article_C&cid=1209357788368&pagename=Zone-English-Living_Shariah/LSELayout

13 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

Little Miss Aunty September 13, 2010 at 12:41 PM  

Hey, I thought of another another story you can tell your friend!

The story of Yusuf (Alayhee as salaam)…We've all read it but have we really thought about it?

Here’s a young boy whose own brothers are so jealous of him they decide to kill him. One of them convinces the other brothers not to commit murder but to throw him in a well in a deserted place. In other words- a slow death… But hey, no blood on their hands so they don’t have to feel that guilty.

Can you imagine how terrified he was when they abandoned him? Can you imagine how hurt? I mean…take one minute and visualize yourself in his place. A ten year old boy in a well in the middle of nowhere…hearing his brothers’ footsteps get farther and farther and no one turning back to him. Talk about terrifying. To make matters worse, people do end up passing by and when they discover a boy in the well, they bind him in ropes and decide to sell him. No “Poor thing!”…No “let’s take him to the doctor”…He’s nothing more to them than a commodity.

Things get even harsher. He’s sold as a slave to the King. And then what happens- he grows up into this incredibly handsome young man and the King’s wife just can’t resist him. She throws herself at him. But, Yusuf (Alayhee as salaam) refuses to succumb. His fate: he’s thrown in prison. And let’s not kid ourselves- we aren’t talking about a 21st century prison with a television and a bed. We are talking about prison hundreds of years ago. Only Allah knows but when I visualize it- all I can think about is a very very very dark dungeon.

You’d think that after all of this he’d say: I’ve had enough. Life stinks. I can’t take it anymore. Not at all! Instead, he keeps calling people to God. He also interprets two of his fellow prisoners’ dreams. And he asks the one who will leave the prison to remember him. That man forgets….and Yusuf (Alayhee as salaam) remains in prison for a crime he didn’t commit for even more years. ..

Little Miss Aunty September 13, 2010 at 12:42 PM  

*continued*


But then here’s the incredible thing….the King has a strange dream. The man who was in the prison years before suddenly remembers Yusuf (Alayhee as salaam). And like that, Yusuf (Alayhee as salaam) eventually becomes the Treasurer of the whole state. His own brothers go to him essentially begging for food. And Yusuf (Alayhee as salaam) is reunited with his father.

Now= your friend might tell you, but he’s a prophet. Tell her that’s true- but then ask her back: Why do you think Allah revealed his story to us if not for us to imitate his patience and steadfastness?

:)

Blissful Dreamer September 13, 2010 at 4:21 PM  

Well, it's kind of hard of finding something to say to situations like these, but tell your friend to know that nothing in this life is permanent - so it'll end one day. And tell her to make dua: it'll make a HUGE difference.

And, inshallah, if she's patient she'll be rewarded in the next life. :)

Anonymous,  September 13, 2010 at 7:10 PM  

Maybe her father would have a change of heart if he met his grandson? Is there any way of that happening?

Anonymous,  September 13, 2010 at 9:26 PM  

A concerned and scared 17 year old girl


Thank you for the well structured advice. I know now it's up to me to deliver the message and it's kind of a HUGE step for me to do so. I'm going to try my best since we (humans) can plan a lot of things, but only Allah SWT can determine the outcome. :)Insha-Allah...

And to answer a few of your question:

- Yes, she is planning to make a new passport. Therefore she needs money to do so. I'm trying to find a suitable job for her, and right now, i think i've found a good one where she can work while studying at the same time. (typist job :D)

- I did advice her to have a small talk with her dad, but it didn't turn out so well. She starts to curse and use profanity towards her dad... so i didn't want to touch that subject yet. I know that not only did she hurt her dad by doing this, but I'm kind of afraid that she won't get Allah (SWT)'s guidance if this goes on. (I know very well that we need to respect our parents even though they can be quite hurtful sometimes. Maybe we should try a slow approach with her dad? Who knows that might work...)

- About the wali's consent, i think she knows about it. We did learn about it in school and i pretty much questioned her the moment she said that her dad hated her husband.

- About her dad remarrying, i don't think she's THAT hurtful about it. But she gets quite defensive when she saw the treatment her dad gave to her stepmother. Unfortunately, her mother didn't get such "great" treatment (if you know what i mean...). P.s: Her dad wasn't around when her mother died :( I heard she said something about "he loves his work more than his own wife!" I don't know what to say to her afterwards...

- About studying abort in London, she did bring it up to her dad. But unfortunately, since her dad "despise" her husband, he didn't want to let her go.

@Anonymous: Her dad had seen her son since she brought him with her. I thought i have state that when she entered the same college i'm attending, she left her soon in the care of her closest aunt... but oh well, maybe i wasn't that clear. (blame my bad english for it :)

Random19 September 13, 2010 at 10:59 PM  

To be honest, little aunties have suggested all the possible suggestions in my mind. You can only make dua'a for her.
Its amazing how mothers have this deep connection with their kids, i have an aunt who's been married to a person she didn't like at all as she was aware of the type of background they come from but her famiy didn't listen because her family compelled she gave in. soon after her marriage, she started having a tough time, she was verbally and physically abused by her husband's family.. but she is married even today only for her kids.

in the meanwhile, she kept rolling between her in-laws place and her own family like a tennis ball. her in-laws hardly let her sons to come with her to her family's place. as of today, there is no physical torture anymore, but there's still the mental. I cannot begin to think of her situtation because i would have given this all up long time back if i was her.

but until today, she is married and with her in-laws, only because she does not want to lose the custody of her 2 boys.


i am not sure how this story would help your friend. but it really inspires me because she bears all of that only for her kids. oh just a sidenote, she was a brilliant student who was getting a scholarship in a medical college when she got married, she was also doing hifz. her in-laws stopped both as soon as she got married..

maybe you could try to show your friend that things could be worse i guess..

Mama Salma September 14, 2010 at 1:29 AM  

Sob7ana ALLAH that was such a sad story about the 17-yr-old girl. MAY ALLAH guide her and lift these hard-ships off her shoulders.

Anonymous,  September 14, 2010 at 8:54 AM  

First, I want to say that Little Auntie gave GREAT advice, seriously.

As she requested words of encouragement, I've chosen to reply under an anonymous name.

I live with depression, anxiety, and a mood disorder. I have for YEARS. I know what it is like to feel like you would be better off dead. In fact, this very moment, I have convinced myself that I would be better off dead. Not because I want to die, but happiness seems intangible, and why live if every moment will be suffering?

I have lived through a LOT of bad in my life, just like your friend. Rape, two failed marriages, abuse, early pregnancy/motherhood, and then of course the diagnosis of the afflictions I mentioned above. Not the easiest things to deal with. I've been going through those things (starting with abuse) since I can remember. So I'm guessing, all of my life, since I can remember as far back as 3-4 years of age. That's 28 long years of misery.

The point I'm trying to make is, well, I'm still here. As hard as everything has been, as painful as most of it has been (and it's been so painful it feels like my heart might implode within my rib cage, and destroy every other part of me with it), I am still here.

Why? My sons. They need me. They love me, more than anything. I know they do, because they tell me, in spite of the fact that my mood issues and depression and anxiety make me less than the ideal mother. They see how hard I struggle to do whatever I can do for them, and they love me for it.

So tell your friend about me, and tell her that she has a son to live for and a son to fight for and if there's NOTHING else in her life giving her reason, HE does.

Also tell her that, if I can make it through 28 years of bad events, SHE can make it through, and fight through it, until she is reunited with her husband again.

I don't know what country your friend is in right now, but surely there has to be some sort of governmental agency in place to help with situations like these. Perhaps the British embassy can be of help? SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE can help her, whether that be a relative, a friend, or a governmental employee. She just has to keep looking until she finds that person.

She also needs to contact her husband, immediately. If he lives in London, then I am guessing he would have SOME way to get her out of her country - he is now legally married to her, and as such, has the right to bring her back home, with the help of his government of course.

Hopefully my words do you some good. Hopefully they do your friend some good. May Allah, subhana wa ta'ala, ease both of your burdens, and keep you guided to the straight path.

Anonymous,  September 14, 2010 at 6:34 PM  

what do u do if u hate ur dad, and ur mom doesnt understand u anymre, and ur siblings are annoying and just make life harder?

Random19 September 14, 2010 at 10:03 PM  

P.s. Remind your friend that Allah (swt) does not give us burdens which is more than what we can handle.

I am praying that everything in her life gets sorted out soon. You can also show her this blog and the great concern that people here have for her life.

The thing with people who see suicide as thier option is that, they believe in these following ;

1. Situtaion cannot be resolved, her life would continue to be worthless

2. She feels completely alone specially now because she does not even have other mother around

3. She feels that nobody would even care if she dies (she just feels it because of the current situtaions, and a part in her convinces her that its the truth)

4. Finally,she begins to lose hope, and eventually makes up her mind that its better to be dead.

There maybe other reasons too.. So now that we kinda know the reasons you can try figuring out the way to not let her think like that. Best of Luck.

I say all this cuz when i tried it.. my reasons were along the lines of the reasons mentioned above.

gameela,  September 15, 2010 at 1:50 AM  

dear little aunties, i would love it if you could please make a post for my question, which is; "What are the specific rights and duties of the husband, and of the wife in Islam"? also please provide accurate daleel. jazakum allahu khairan in advance.

gameela

Little Auntie September 15, 2010 at 9:41 AM  

asalamu aliakum, sisters,

17 year old, scared and confused Anon- Jazaki Allah for updating us and explaining the situation more. It's too bad that her father was 'busy' when her mother had cancer or that she 'ended up using profanity' with her father and the discussion not reaching anything---- honestly, from what you've said, you have given all the advice and done all the stuff that a friend can do! Ma'sahAllah! I just want to say that it really sounds like you've done your part......

Random, May Allah make things easier for your real auntie. May Allah grant her jannatul firdaus for her sabr and love for her children. I'm also very very glad that when you tried it, it didn't work. You know you mean a LOT to a lot of people. <3 Also, Jazaki Allah for taking the time to writ the 'mindset of someone suicidal'- we just have to counter each point you mentioned :)

Anonymous- you sound like you have been through so much.....yet, your post revealed 'a warrior spirit'. You are an inspiration and I am glad you have shared your story with us. I know it must have been hard, but I am sure it will benefit anyone who ever thinks for a second of suicide. Your advice also is really good, ma'shaAllah.

Anonymous who asked about what to do if you hate your dad--- honey, suicide is not the solution. I don't know your specific situation, but I do know that Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala first of all never leaves you alone. He is right there with you. Don't turn your back on Him and His mercy! I know your mom doesn't understand you anymore but you know what? Mine doesn't either....that's the reason why I created this blog. Because for most of us, our parents don't understand us, and we need to talk to someone.

And you know about your siblings-you have a sister half across the world from you- me- and all your other muslim sisters! All of us are HERE for you and all of us care about you. If you want, you can even chat with me- send me an email and we'll set up a time to chat. I have no problems. BUT don't think you're alone and that you have no other options. Believe me, suicide is not the answer to anything.

Gameela, hehe, habibti, Jazaki Allah for being so 'polite' about your request! Wouldn't we all want to know that? Unfortunately, the thing is we're not really Muslim scholars, though, so we're not qualified enough to give you a detailed answer to that--- but I do want to tell you that I once heard Nouman Ali Khan say the 'problem with the wives and husbands today is that each one is concentrating on their OWN rights- we should only be concentrating on our obligations". He said that when he gave a marriage khutbah, he gave the brothers a list of all the obligations they have and also had a woman pass out on the woman's side a similar list...when the brothers asked him to see the woman's list, he refused. He said, "concentrate only on what you have to give- when you do that right, your wife will treat your right and vice versa. I really liked his advice....:)

I would recommend you a good lecture, though, if I could think of one, but right now can't seem to call one to mind..Does anyone knows a good lecture/link......? *turns it over to readers* :D

Naz,  April 25, 2011 at 1:16 PM  

Assalamalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa baraqa tu hu! Great advice little aunties, MASHALLAH! And to the sister whose aunt is suffering sooo much, my heart goes out to you because many women in my family have suffered the same. May ALLAH s.w.t make it easier for her and shower his mercy and patience upon her, verily with difficulty comes ease INSHALLAH!

For my other sister who posted as anonymous, I truly feel for you, you have been through more than anyone of us could even imagine. But MASHALLAH, look at you, you are such a strong and amazing woman MASHALLAH! You are a true inspiration to your sons! MAY ALLAH S.W.T SHOWER HIS UNLIMITED MERCY UPON YOU, GRANT YOU EASE IN ALL YOUR DIFFICULTIES AND GRANT YOU ALL THE HAPPINESS YOU DESERVE. AND REMEMBER FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NO ONE THEY HAVE ALLAH S.W.T. This video is dedicated to you sister. May you be granted sawwaab and ajar. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2sa5ymA8SE


And for the link to Nouman Ali Khan's lecture on marriage http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSEsUZIT6d8

And for the sister who complained that she hates her dad, her mom doesnt get her and her siblings make life worse. Trust me sister, been there done that. Life can be unbearable and I too wanted to kill myself. BUT ALHAMDULLILAH I DIDNT.... INSTEAD I PRAYED!!! I prayed for guidance because I know our lives and bodies are a loan from ALLAH s.w.t and we have to return that loan back to ALLAH s.w.t in the condition he gave them to us in. So be patient and pray!!! Trust me, prayer and patience do wonders. I still dont get a long that well with my dad and my mom still doesnt get me, but with patience and prayer, things are MUCH EASIER TO DEAL WITH!!! As you get older you realize nothing in life is perfect, not your family, friends, life, NOTHING! Its how you deal with imperfection that makes a difference. So your dad is grumpy and is always scowling, give him a reason to smile, talk to him, find a common interest. If your mom doesnt understand, let her into your world, allow her to to trust you, to get to know you so she can understand you. As for your siblings be nice and buy them stuff once in a while, theyll be on your side too. Trust me, me and my sisters were always bitter enemies. But ALLAH s.w.t is the changer of hearts and he can make even your enemies your closest of friends, SUBHANALLAH, ALLAH s.w.t has power to do everything. Be strong, be patient, and dont lose faith. And remember you have the Little Aunties and all these sisters who have got your back, so dont ever think about hurting yourself please!!!!

Try taking a look at this link, if you get hurt by your family easily. hopefully it helps INSHALLAH! http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/character/why-do-people-have-to-leave-each-other/

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Asalamu aialkum!
Well, what do you think? You know, you're part of the team, as well. Please help a sister out and share your own advice/experiences/etc. One for all and all for one =)
P.S. I reserve the right to remove any disrespectful comment ;)

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