I want to see the Prophet in my dreams

>> Thursday, January 30, 2014

Last Ramadan, one of the times where my faith was at a high point, I saw a dream in which and father were carrying a huge red and white rock which they finished cleaning and polishing. They said ,"do you want to see the face of prophet Muhammad in this?" And of course I said yes, and when I looked into it I saw a man with little to no hair and extremely bright blue eyes. He also smiled back really kindly at me. He didn't match the description of the prophet at all, but something about him really stuck with me since. About two weeks later I saw another dream, where I was allowed to go past the golden gates of the prophet's grave with ease ( they just lifted up) and find his tomb, which was covered in all kinds of incredible, dazzaling jewels. I put my face on it and started to weep, but I remember it felt really nice- it was one of the nicest feelings I've ever experienced. I haven't seen a dream like that since, no matter how much I ask Allah for it, and I really, really want to. I even try crying in my fuss to get it to happen. I'm scared I'm starting to lose my faith in Allah because of everything that's been happening to me so quickly. Is there anything I can do to see the prophet peace be upon him again in my dreams? I feel like if I did it would give me the strength and the hope to keep moving forward. Can doing istighara make this happen?

 Dearest Sister,
 I'm so sorry that right now you are really down and your faith is down. I understand that last year, you had two dreams that really helped you and strengthened your faith. And you're hoping for another dream. You just want to restore your faith. I understand. You're trying soooo hard to get that dream again- to have that feeling of peace in your heart- you've said you've even tried to cry on purpose. And now you're wondering if istikharah will let it happen.

 I wish I could tell you: Yeah! That will do it. But unfortunately, istikharah is about asking Allah to decide for you between two choices. While many people associate it with having a special dream afterwards, that's actually not necessary.

 As the scholars have said: It is not necessary in the case of istikhaarah to feel something specific afterwards. Rather if you consult people and think deeply about the matter, and it becomes clear to you that this matter will be beneficial both in religious and worldly terms, then you should pray istikhaarah and go ahead, and not wait for a sign or a dream or a feeling. You should rather put your trust in Allaah and go ahead after praying istikhaarah. The correct view is that when Allaah makes something easy for you – after having decreed it and accepted your du’aa’ – this is a sign that it is good to go ahead and do it.

Again, it's about asking for Allah's help in some matter that you're not sure of (even if it's something tiny). I've prayed istikhara numerous times and I've never seen the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam in any of those times.

 I know that was probably disappointing to read.

But the truth is that...well, there isn't really a shortcut to seeing the prophet in your dreams OR to restoring your faith. Both of these require action, dedication, conscious effort, and work.

 I mean, let's look at your own question. You mentioned that when your faith was HIGH, you had those dreams. You can perhaps think of them as a reward from Allah for all that you had been doing.

 I once heard an interesting story where a young man asked his scholar how he could see the prophet in his dreams. The scholar told him to spend the entire day eating salt and to not drink any water. Although the young man didn't really understand the advice, he followed it. The next day, he went to the scholar, really angry. He said, "Imam, all I dreamt of last night was water. I kept seeing oceans and oceans of water." The scholar told him "You see, your dreams are a reflection of what you're doing and thinking about all day. If you want to see the prophet, live through his example through out the day! Pray the sunnah prayers. Eat like the prophet. Remember his manners with his family. Remember how he treated others. Imitate him. Read about him. Learn his hadiths. Say the adhkhaar. Live your day by his example and then hope to see him at night."

 But wait...don't close the browser yet. I have good news for you.

 If seeing the prophet in your dreams would inspire you to be a better person, what about knowing that the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam prayed for you? That he made dua for YOU?

What about the fact that he thought of you as his own sister?

 As is narrated by Abu Hurayra, One day Prophet Muhammad (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) came to the graveyard and said: O dwellers of the land of believers! Peace be upon you. With God willing, we will also join you. Then he sighed with longing and added, How I miss to see my brothers! The companions beside him said, O Messenger of God, are we not you brothers? The Prophet replied, You are my companions; my brothers have yet to come The companions asked him: O Messenger! How will you recognize these people from your community who have yet to come? Whereupon, the Prophet asked: If someone has a horse with white signs on the forehead and the feet, can he recognize it among black and gray horses? The companions replied:Yes. He said, “They (my brothers) will come with white streaks from their ablutions, and I will receive them at my cistern. 

 If seeing the prophet would inspire you, what about seeing Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala? I'm not saying that we will see Allah in our dreams...but the reward of the believers is to see Allah in the afterlife.

The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “When the inhabitants of Paradise enter Paradise, Allah will say to them, ‘Do you want Me to give you anything more?’ They will reply, ‘Have You not made our faces bright? Have You not brought us into Paradise and moved us from Hell?’ Allah will then remove the Veil and they will feel that they have not been awarded anything dearer to them than looking at their Lord.”

 Remember, hunny, you can't see Him, but He sees you! And He's watching you right now. He's All Loving, All Merciful, All Compassionate, Ever Grateful. He's prepared jannatul firdaous for you! "

(It will be said to the believers of Islamic Monotheism): 'My slaves! No fear shall be on you this Day, nor shall you grieve. (You) who believed in Our ayat (proofs, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) and were Muslims (i.e., who submit totally to Allah's Will, and believe in the Oneness of Allah). Enter Jannah, you and your wives, in happiness.' Trays of gold and cups will be passed round them; (there will be) therein all that inner-selves could desire, and all that eyes could delight in and you will abide therein forever. This is the Jannah which you have been made to inherit because of your deeds which you used to do (in the life of the world). Therein for you will be fruits in plenty, of which you will eat (as you desire)." [Al-Qur'an 43:68-73]

 So now....how can you restore your faith? We've had a couple of posts on imaan. Please do read them here:

Fed Up of the Roller Coaster Ride

Boost that Iman!

With love,
Little Auntie


So that I don't do Zina, I'm now ....

>> Monday, January 20, 2014

This question is so embarrassing but I don't know who else to ask. There is this guy that I have really gotten attached to. At first, we were just friends, but as the time has progressed, we've kind of gotten into really intimate conversations. I mean really intimate. I find myself dreaming about being in his arms and taking it up physically. Kissing him and this kind of thing. It is getting harder and harder when we are around each other not to act on these feelings. I've tried to keep myself from falling into that by actually releasing myself through watching romantic videos, reading some romances (and to be honest, I do read the erotic parts), and this kind of thing. A part of me feels like watching and reading these things is wrong, but the other part is thinking that this is the only way I can stop myself from actually doing the deed.
Help, please.

Asalamu aliaakum wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo,
First of all, I'm honored that you thought to ask us your question. I know it must have taken a lot for you to write it and send it in, but you know, we're not here to judge you. We're just here to help you.
Now, I cannot tell you a fiqh ruling exactly on your question, but I do want to give you some basic advice...

We don't stop sins by sins. 

Usually, a sin is not going to lead you to goodness. It isn't a shield or armor that protects a person. It's going to lead to more sins. What protects a person is taqwa of Allah, obedience of Allah, good deeds, etc. 

Allah says:
"And whoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (of every difficulty). " (Quran, At-Talaq: 2). 
Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows that which you do. (ِAl Ankabut: 45)

Right now, you're really attracted to this guy. You're worried about falling into...'zina', which is a huge sin. 
Let's imagine that  'zina' is a huge fire...and your'e standing next to it, worried you're going to fall.
Would you, at this moment, decide to put some oil on yourself to protect you?

Keep in mind that oil is highly highly flammable. 

Do you really think that would be the best plan to come up with?
(read: OUCH! Ouch! Ouch!)

Or would you 
a) run away from that fire
b) get some water =)

You see, sister, the thing that you reallly need to be avoiding right now is the source of temptation for you: this guy. You admit that you've reached the point where you want to be with him...That means, it's really gone way past 'professional', sis.

You know what this actually reminds me of? Our prophet Yusuf alyhee as salam. We all know the story. The woman, whom he had grown up in her house, wanted to seduce him. She was rich, powerful, the wife of the Azeez of Egypt (leader), and most likely beautiful (as we all know that a King could have any woman he wanted). And she made it absolutely clear that she wanted him. 

 And indeed she did desire him, and he would have inclined to her desire, had he not seen the evidence of his Lord.....(Surat Yusuf: 24)

What did Yusuf do? He prayed...
 He said: "O my Lord! Prison is dearer to me than that to which they invite me. Unless You turn away their plot from me, I will feel inclined towards them and be one of the ignorant.'' (Surat Yusuf: 33)

He prayed to get away from her company...away from the source of temptation. See, how he chose prison over falling into a sin?

I know that you think that by reading these books and watching these movies, you're not going to go and commit the deed, but the reality is that you are actually giving yourself more reason to think about the deed and you're fueling yourself more. These things are like the "oil" we mentioned earlier. You're just making yourself think about it more and more...

And these books and movies definitely glamorize it and build up your expectations about it. 

It's like the next time you're watching some romantic movie, how much you wanna bet you're going to wish you and that guy could be doing those things? Or the next time you are with the guy, how much you want to bet you're going to remember that scene/description of a kiss/whatever...?

And the thing you have to realize is that they put those parts knowing very well what stimulates and arouses women/men. They study these things, you know. (At least porn directors. I read an article about it before, but I can't find it now.) So you are reading something or watching something which is MEANT to kindle those feelings/ sexually arouse you...

How is that really going to help you stop from falling into zina?

Shaitain is trying to convince you that you've found the ultimate way to guard yourself from sinning more. But in reality, he's just leading you down a very very dangerous path. 

Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala says:

". . . and follow not the footsteps of ‘Shaitan’ (Satan). Surely he is to you an open enemy" (Quran, Al-Anaam: 142).
These things are part of the footsteps, hun. 

If you really sincerely want to stay away from the sin, 
- seek protection from Allah:
- do dhikr
- watch Islamic lectures
- read Islamic books
- go to Islamic halaqahs, sister meet ups

Busy yourself! It doesn't have to be all Islamic activities. You could take up a hobby such as
- sewing/crocheting
-making crafts
- working out in an all girl's gym
-whatever you want :) baking/ graphic designing/ whatever

And of course, it goes with out saying that you have to end the relationship with the guy. 

I know it seems hard...and maybe these things don't sound as fun or appealing as watching a romantic movie /reading an erotic book. At first, you might kinda feel like you are in a prison, but slowly, you're going to set yourself free. Slowly, you'll find yourself drawing closer to Allah ...and when that happens...
Well, prepare yourself a sweetness you never imagined,


Health Problems, Work, and Trust in God?

>> Friday, January 17, 2014

I have health problems which recur from time to time, like 85% of the time I'm healthy and fine MASHALLAH, but 15% of the time, I get really really sick. My second job understands because I do call of when I'm sick and they're understanding about the situation. My primary job however, the managers are very rude. The few times I did call of due to being sick and because our city was flooded so I couldn't get to work, they hinted at firing me. So, whenever I call of work due to not feeling well, I feel this guilt of not living up to my manager's expectations and not being a good employee. Yesterday I listened to a talk by Yusha Evans on the symptoms of weak iman, and he said that we must have absolute tawakkul in ALLAH s.w.t and understand that rizq is from him.
But I don't understand how to reconcile my tawakkul and this fear of calling off. My question is should I not care about what my managers think and how do I let tawakkul over-ride my fear of not living up to expectations and not being fired. My employers already are discreetly racist and don't like me because Im Pakistani and a hijaabi and theyre all white, I can tell because of how they interact with me and with others, I don't want the label of bad employee to be attached to me. Because what if another hijaabi applies and they discriminate against her because of me.
I know I sound a bit looney and my thoughts are jumbled up, but I would appreciate your take on this.
JAZAKKALAH KHAIR x a million =)

Dear Sister,
 Wa iyyaki x a million n one :D

MayAallah subhanoo Wa' Tala give you the best of health and IMAAN. Ya Rubb. :)

Thanks so much for sending in your question. I will tell you my take on this. :)

Ok, so I’m sensing that you’re not comfortable at your (primary) job. If that's the case, don't ignore your gut feeling. If something doesn't feel right at your job, try to find out why you feel that way. The environment plays a huge part in how we feel in a given situation. You already mentioned how your employers don’t treat you and others in the best manner. Maybe that could be a contributing factor. Also, let me just say, I can totally relate!

It can be challenging to work in an environment where you don’t feel welcome. So you grow anxious that you have to be ‘perfect’ and feel you can’t make any mistakes whatsoever. Because any mistake you make might cause you to have a ‘bad label’ or be fired. And that includes things out of your control e.g. missing days because of your health. But, sister, that’s putting undue stress on yourself. We are human, and making mistakes doesn't necessarily translate to you being a “bad employee” especially things out of your control like missing work because of health reasons. Having said that, I know how hard it can be in situations like this where we feel any mistake we make will be a sign that we are inadequate. However, if your employers choose to fire you because of health reasons, know that it’s not because of something wrong you did, but an error on their part. I know that you might think that it would be the end of the world if that were to happen, but in reality, it could be another door opening for you. We'll talk about that, in a moment.

I’m glad you mentioned how in your other job you felt different there. Isn't it interesting to note that in that job, you feel more at ease. It’s good to compare the two jobs and see how you feel at both places. Do you notice how you are the same person, but whereas in your second job, you feel at ease, in your primary job, you are anxious and feel incompetent. But you’re the same person!

Just like how we feel the most comfortable and our best self around some people e.g. our best friends, and we may feel totally awkward and out of place in a different crowd, it’s the same thing at your work environment. It’s not that suddenly you have changed, that you are no longer skilled at one job, but it only shows how the environment plays a huge part in how we feel.

I love how you brought up how we should have tawakkul in Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala. It is important. Having tawakkul in Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala is something that we, as Muslims, should strive for. Allah Subhanoo Wa' tala says multiple times in the Quran:

وَعَلَى ٱللَّهِ فَلۡيَتَوَكَّلِ ٱلۡمُؤۡمِنُونَ  
...And upon Allah let the believers rely. 3:160

Having tawakkul in Allah subhanoo Wa Ta'la's will is realizing that everything is in Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala's power, and anything that happens to us is ultimately good for us. It's understanding that sometimes things come and things go, but there is always benefit to the believer in that. Therefore, we try to be thankful in hard times as well as times of ease.

Surely We will test you with a bit of fear and hunger, and loss in wealth and lives and fruits, and give good tidings to the patient (2.155) Who, when a suffering visits them, say: “We certainly belong to Allah, and to Him we are bound to return.”(2.156) Those are the ones upon whom there are blessings from their Lord, and mercy as well; and those are the ones who are on the right path. (2.157)

I'm sure you've also heard of this well-known hadith:

On the authority of Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan (May Allah be pleased with him) it is related that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said,“How amazing is the affair of the believer. There is good for him in everything and that is for no one but the believer. If good times come his way, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him, and if hardship comes his way, he endures it patiently and that is better for him." [Muslim]

On the other hand, Shaitan  tries to put fear in our hearts about poverty:
Satan frightens you with poverty, and bids you to commit indecency, and Allah promises you forgiveness from Him, and grace as well. And Allah is All-Embracing, All-Knowing. (2. 268) 
So what does this all mean? It means sister, as long as you are doing your best, and you are putting your trust in Allah, everything is going to end up okay, and you don't need to worry about your manager's opinion of you. Even if the worst case scenario happens and that place fires you....you know what? Allah is the one who got you that job, in the first place. I really want you to think about that. From what you have written, they are not the kind of employers who are searching for a Muslim girl like you...and yet, they accepted you. This was part of Allah's plan. He is the One who provides! And if they fire you, perhaps it is because Allah has  a wayyyyy better job for you....There could be something else totally in store for you.

 I want you to think for a moment about how much Allah provides. Allah takes care of the birds who leave in the morning empty and come back home full. Allah takes care every single living creature in this vast universe- the grass that needs water, the ants that need crumbs, the bees that need honey, the baby in his mother's womb, everything.

 “And so many a moving (living) creature carries not its own provision! Allah provides for it and for you. And He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.” (Al-Ankabut 29; 60

Whenever you start to feel like your tawakul is 'diminishing', ask yourself this: Do you possibly think that Allah would forget a servant of His? Someone who bows down to Him, every day and praises Him?

Remember that Allah actually calls Himself in the Qura'n "Al Wakeel"- the Guardian/Trustee: 
Al-Wakeel is the only One who takes charge of the affairs of those under His care, managing all matters as He pleases. 
Also, begin your mornings with this daily supplication:
Allah is sufficient for me. There is no God but He.  I have placed my trust in Him, He is Lord of the Majestic Throne. Whoever says this seven times in the morning after fajr, and seven times after Asr, Allah will take care of whatever worries him of the matter of this world and the hereafter. [Abu Dawood, Muslim]
And when you leave your house, say:
The Prophet said: Whoever says(when he leaves his house) – Bismillaah, tawakkaltu ‘alaa Allaah, wa laa hawla wa laa quwwata illaa billaah – In the name of Allah, I put my trust in Allah and there is no power and no strength except with Allah- , it will be said to him: You are taken care of and you are protected and guided, and the devils will move away from him, and one devil says: What can you do with a man who has been guided, taken care of and protected? [Abu Dawood, At-Tirmidhi]

and it doesn't hurt to say the dua of Prophet Moosa:

“My Lord! I am in need of whatever good that You bestow on me.” (Al-Qasas 28; 24)

All of these will inshaAllah help you with your tawakul in general. But if you still feel uncomfortable at your job, maybe you could look for a different job that won't cause you this much stress. Otherwise, try your best to be professional with them, pray to Allah subhanoo Wa' tala for calmness of your heart. Realize that you're trying your best on your part and the way they treat you says a lot about them, not you.

Another thing you can do is prepare for it. In your mind, or writing down, ponder this: "What if..they fire me?" Write down how you would feel and why. Would it really be that bad? If so, why? Could you see how it could be a good thing? Think of some possible decisions you would make if that happened.

I have read in a recent book that the meaning we attach to a given situation really determines how well we're able to cope with that situation, not the situation itself. That's why two people may react quite differently to the same situation.

For example: one person upon losing their job may become anxious because of the meaning they would attach to it: "It's because I wasn't good enough for the job" then they may worry, "What if I don't find another job?" and then: "How will I live financially?"

Another person upon losing their job may become angry because they would attach the meaning: "My boss is unfair and unreasonable," and "I can't believe they would fire me after I did so much for them." In that way, they would focus on that alone and not be willing to accept the fact of losing their job.

Yet, another person upon losing their job may become disappointed but relieved because they would think to themselves, ":You know, I didn't like the way my employers treated me, anyways." and "I was feeling like finding a better job anyway so this might be a great opportunity." and then they could come to the solution, that "Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala must have better plans for me."

So it all depends on how you would feel at losing your job.

Finally, it’s sweet that you care that another hijaabi isn't mistreated because of you. But that isn’t really your responsibility how your employers choose to treat someone else. It’s true that as Muslims, we must set a great example. We should also try to speak up against unjust actions we witness as well as help those who are mistreated.

But at the same time, we are not responsible for how someone else chooses to treat another. We are only held accountable for our own deeds:

“O you who have believed, fear Allah. And let every soul look to what it has put forth for tomorrow (of deeds)—and fear Allah. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what you do.” (Quran, 59:18)

"That was a nation which has passed on. It will have [the consequence of] what it earned, and you will have what you have earned. And you will not be asked about what they used to do." ( 2:134)

Ok, sister, hope this helped. :)

Take care,


I don't deserve such an amazing guy, do I?

>> Thursday, January 16, 2014

I need help. For a little background information, just a year ago, I was someone completely lost. My life was all sins and my only thought was enjoying myself/getting what and who I wanted. Audoobillah. I'm so ashamed of all that I did. Wallahi, I cry myself to sleep sometimes, just worrying what Allah will do to me and whether I can ever be forgiven. I was sooo bad, sister.The thing is, though, this year, I have really started practicing Islam and becoming a much better person. And as the year has progressed, I have come to find myself really attracted to this brother in the MSA who is one of the best persons I have ever met.  And here we come to the problem.Recently I was in a discussion where somebody mentioned this verse " Impure women are for impure men, and impure men for impure women. Good women are for good men, and good men are for good women;..." and it has just left me with the sensation that I would never ever deserve someone like him. He is pure, practicing, has memorized the Quran, always praying his prayers....me...I'm trying so hard now, but I did so many sins. Does this verse mean that I am doomed to marry someone with a terrible past like me ....Can I or do I even deserve to think about marrying someone pure?Not so pure :(

Dearest TRYING to be Pure,
First of all, ma'shaAllah at you for coming back to Islam and trying your best to practice it now.
Before we look at your question, I understand that you led a not so pure life before and that you worry now about whether you will be forgiven or not. Let me completely reassure you on that part: 

Allah  is the Most Forgiving. He says in the Quran: 
“Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”[al-Zumar 39:53]

and Allah NEVER EVER goes back on His word. And He has promised that sincere repentance wipes out the deed. And that He is the Most Forgiving. The Most Merciful. The One who can even change our bad deeds to good deeds.

Sister, every single day you get is a new chance for you to draw closer to Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala. Each new day is a chance for a complete fresh start. One TEAR DROP of regret from you could weigh more in Allah's scale than years of salah done casually (or without the person's heart really involved).
Abu Umama Sudayy ibn 'Ajlan al-Bahili reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said to me, said, "There is nothing which Allah Almighty loves more than two drops and two steps: a drop of tears shed out of fear of Allah and a drop of blood shed in the way of Allah. And the two steps are a step in the way of Allah Almighty and a step towards one of the obligations of Allah Almighty." [at-Tirmidhi]

^Just keep taking steps closer to Allah!

And do not...do not belittle Allah's Mercy and Forgiveness.  Has He not covered you when you sinned? Did He not conceal your faults? Then, why do you think He would "leave you" when you have come back to Him? 

Now, as for the issue of whether or not you are doomed to marry someone impure because you led an impure life...
- First of all, as we said, already, you repented. Sincere repentance erases the sin. So there's no reason to keep thinking of yourself as 'impure'.
- Second, the verse you mentioned actually has many different tafsirs. Although I am not a scholar, I want to point out one thing that many people who do not speak Arabic do not realize concerning this verse:

The word 'women' and 'men' is not actually stated in the Arabic verse of the Quran. Instead, what we see is the suffix used to indicate the masculine and feminine. This is important to keep in mind because words in Arabic, whether they have a biological gender or not, are considered 'masculine' or 'feminine'. For example, the word 'table' ends with the feminine suffix. In this case, what is "implied" could be understood to refer to men and women, but not necessarily. 

 Now, let's look at another translation of the verse and some information from a sheikh about it:
Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women)”[al-Noor 24:26] l Some of them said that it refers to bad and good words, so the meaning of the verse is: Evil words are for evil men, and evil people are for evil words, and good words are for good people, and good people are for good words. Others said that it refers to evil and good actions. So the meaning of the verse is: Evil actions are for evil men, and evil people are for evil actions, and good actions are for good people, and good people are for good actions. The third opinion concerning this verse is that evil and good refer to people with regard to marriage. So the meaning of the verse is: evil women are for evil men, and evil men are for evil women, and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women. There is no reason why the verse cannot be understood in all these senses, although the most obvious meaning is the first one mentioned, and this is the opinion of the majority of mufassireen.From: http://islamqa.info/en/103845

Another site says:
1. With regard to the previous verses that were about chaste women and the affair of 'Ifk and 
with regard to the sentence: "... such are innocent of that which they say...", 
the verse means that the evil words such as calumny and slander are
 appropriate for malicious people, and pure and nice words are suitable for pure persons.

2. It is possible that the purpose of the verse is intellectual, doctrinal,
 ethical conformity, so as to say that man and wife must be matching and
 soft-hued with each other. It means that every person naturally seeks an 
individual of the same wavelength. In other words, vile persons are
 after evil ones and on the contrary good persons are after good ones. 
3. It is possible that the purpose of the verse is stating a religious ordinance, 
meaning that marriage of good persons with malicious ones is unlawful. It is
 like the third verse of this Sura, which says: "The fornicator shall not marry save a
 fornicatress or an idolatress ...". Imam Baqir (a.s.) in a tradition confirms this meaning, too.[1]

You see how this verse might not even be discussing marriage?  
But what if it is...?
Well, it doesn't doom you to marrying someone 'impure'.  You have changed. That's what counts. Since you have repented, there is no reason for you to continue to count yourself as someone 'impure or bad'. 

I know you have your heart set on marrying this man and you're wondering if you deserve him. Well, sister, Allah promises in the Quran something really important:

Whoever does good whether male or female and he is a believer, We will most certainly make him live a happy life, and We will most certainly give them their reward for the best of what they did. (16: 97)
 By coming back to Islam, you fall under this promise, inshaAllah. You deserve happiness. But it doesn't necessarily have to be by marrying this man that you will lead a happy life. I don't want you to be build your life on this man. What you need to be doing is building your dreams and trust in ALLAH: having faith that Allah will choose a good spouse for you. Allah knows who best will help you on His path,whether that person be that MSA leader or someone else who maybe also had a past. Allah knows who will be the companion that will bring the most joy and who will understand you best. 

Remember, marriage is not about marrying the perfect person.The reality is that no one IS PEREFCT. It is about marrying the perfect person for YOU. Someone who will be your shelter, your protector, someone who will smile at your jokes and understand where you come from and who you are....

Well, sister, I hope this helps you a bit. May Allah keep you steadfast on His deen,


Wearing Hijab in front of my Cousin

>> Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Dear Little Auntys,I started wearing hijab a few weeks ago and alhamdullilah it has been great! I've been feeling like my imaan has really lifted and very proud of myself for finally taking this step. There were a few comments I got from some people that were not that best kind, but in general, most people have been supportive and I'm really happy with myself. The only problem though is that I still can't get myself to wear it in front of my cousin. He's almost the same age as me, but about a year older, but we grew up together. All our lives we've been so close. I don't have any real brothers but I consider him to be my brother. I feel like wearing it would make things very awkward between us and am not sure what his reaction will be or my aunt's and uncles.

Dear New Hijabji!
First of all, let me say, Ma'shaallaaaaaaaaaaaaaah for putting on the hijab and taking up this step. That's fantastic. I'm happy to hear that your imaan is also soaring...do continue to water it, though, because sometimes you have "an imaan high" when you start doing a new ibadah and then suddenly find it plummeting. It's really natural, but I don't want you to go through all that.

Anyyyyyways, let's take a look at your question.

You have a nice cousin who you obviously 'love as a brother' ...

Well, sister, unfortunately, the way you feel doesn't make him your brother. He is still your cousin. And Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala told us who we didn't have to wear hijab in front of, and the ayah does not mean people who we feel are like brothers....Let's take a look:
And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed. (31) (Surah 24, 31)

The thing is, there is a reason why Allah does not mention cousins in that verse. Despite the fact that in the West there is a sort of rule about not marrying your cousin, the reality is that we can feel attracted to our cousins. In fact, just recently, I read an article that listed a bunch of tweets where people confessed that they found their cousins attractive/ hot/ wanted to be friends/ were surprised at their feelings but were definitely into their cousins.


There was even a famous actress who ended up marrying her cousin. Greta Scacchi. Interestingly enough she says, She says: ‘It happened one night when he was visiting and it came as a complete shock. 
We were friends for a long time before we got together in 1997 and I had never seen him in that way before. I was definitely scandalised by it and worried about how to tell people – especially my family.Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2012948/Greta-Scacchi-Why-I-child-cousin.html#ixzz2qT48hKb9 

Years ago, it was actually quite common for people, no matter what country they were from, to marry their cousins..

Why am I telling you that?  When we look at Greta, we realize something. She never thought she would end up falling in love with him. She was friends for a very long time before that. She didn't think anything of their relationship. But it, unexpectedly turned out to be more.

Sis, putting the hijab on in front of your cousin may make things awkward, but the reality is  that now that you have grown up...the situation is awkward. He actually isn't your brother. As any member of the opposite gender, you have a magnetic pull towards each other. There is or could be "an attraction" between the two of you....

Remember, it's not just you guys when you are together. It's you guys and Shaitan. And he wants you to fall into sin. The easiest way for him to do that is to work on our already existing attractions. Sooner or later, he's going to start whispering to you or to HIM, to smile more, flirt more, talk to each other in the middle of the night more, etc.  

The hijab will help you and him keep that 'distance that you need. Once he sees you wearing it, it will help you both stick to the boundaries that need to be kept. 

I know that you may feel scared about losing his friendship...but you will always have the memories that you had together. You also need to consider the fact that even if you didn't think of him as anything else than as a brother, perhaps he did have to struggle sometimes with thoughts  of you as something else. It wouldn't be fair to keep making him struggle or resist temptation, would it?

If he asks you about it, make sure though that you show that it isn't any personal, but that you are trying your best to fulfill an obligation.

As for your aunt and uncle, give them a little warning. Call up your aunt and tell her! Share the good news :) Or have your mom tell her. And also, that's not a bad idea to warn your cousin, as well.

May Allah make things easier for you and accept your worship, sis!

Sisters..if any of you were in this situation, please share some advice :)
With love,


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