HouseWife to Be ?

>> Monday, December 24, 2012

I am in my 20s and just recently started working. I have a boyfriend whom I have been dating for several years and we have plans of getting married soon. He has a stable job right now and has offered to pay my salary if I were to quit my job and become a housewife. We have always talked about me being a housewife, taking care of our children when we have one, one day. The problem is, I dont know how I am going to tell my parents this because i dont kow how my parents would react to this if I were to quit my job after I got married, just because they have invested so much in my education. Help me auntie :( 

Dearest "Housewife to be",
Sorry for taking so long to respond! *Blushes*..I hope you believe the saying, "Better late than never". 

Hunny, I'm pretty sure that you know that dating is not Islamically acceptable. Sister, if you're really serious about marrying this guy, you gotta do it right, hun. If you want Allah to bless your marriage, it should be done in the way He has prescribed. This guy needs to talk to your parents and your communication should be done with a mahram, inshaAllah.

As for this topic of becoming a "housewife"....I know what you mean. It can be daunting just thinking of how to broach the topic or what your parents will think, but what you have to remember is this: 

Your parents were investing in YOU: in your happiness, your safety, your serenity, your success. It wasn't the education that they were paying for. That was the tool. It was always YOU, though, that they were paying for. They want you to be happy, safe, and successful. If you feel that this man will help you have a happy, safe and successful life, and that he is the one for you and that being a housewife is what will be best for your family....then, your education shouldn't stand in the way.  

When the time comes, what you can do is tell your parents that you have tried working and that you feel that at this point of time, you want to take a leave of working and try to get a "balance" of things. You feel that your marriage and home must come first in your life. That doesn't mean that you're going to stay home all day and do still have options like: 

a) volunteering in a charity organization/ somewhere
b) tutoring in your house
c) taking a class/ pursuing a degree or diploma in something 
d) taking the time to learn Quran/ Islamic studies

Remember, you parents felt that giving you the best education was the way to help you reach your potential and the way to help you become an independent individual and a contributor to society. You've got to prove to them that being a housewife will not take away from your potential or make you entirely dependent upon your husband. (They're worried that if something were to happen, you would be left without anything) 

You can also bring up the issue with your fiance about part-time work....

* You don't have to tell your parents that you'll never go back to work....but just explain that you're trying it for now and want to see what is best for you and your family.

* Thank them for all that they have given you and invested in you. Tell them that if they come across something really great/ a great job offer, they can tell you about it and you'll see what you think about it.

All in all...give your parents a chance. Perhaps you will find your mother to be very understanding of it...when she knows that you are thinking of marriage. Perhaps your dad will appreciate the fact that your fiance/boyfriend has agreed to paying you your salary and will just ask him to write it as a condition in your marriage. Maybe the whole conversation will go a LOT smoother than you ever imagined :) Make dua...wish for the best...and don't let the fear of what MIGHT happen rule you :)

*Sisters, have any of you gone through a similar situation? 


Lost of hope.

Asalamwalaikum, I am in a really big rut and have been using your blog as a "pick me upper" but I do have a question for you. I recently have had to make some major decisions in my life, one of them being to break up with this Christian man I was in a relationship with. He was not willing to convert and I knew the future with kids and Deen would be more complicated then the already huge hurdles we would have to get over. Now I KNOW everyone is telling me this is the right decision and things will get better and to have faith. But that is my problem, I am losing faith and I dont' know how to restore it..I have been praying but am not getting any inner peace and still feel empty. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can "see the light" so to speak, so far I continue to feel lost, and live on an hour to hour basis! I'm 32..single and want to get married., but feel I am soooo behind schedule..CRISIS overload. Any advice will be greatly appreciated...Salaams

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatu,

My dear sister in Islam, it sounds like you have definitely been going through a challenging time! May Allah grant you patience and perseverance to get through your trialing times. Ameen!

Alhamdulilah dear sister, you were able to fight your nafs and Shaitan and leave the haram relationship. This is definitely a great challenge and struggle that many Muslims face in today’s society. May Allah forgive you and have mercy on you and replace you with something better.

Here is the thing. Allah is most Merciful and He will never leave a sinful slave empty handed so long as she sincerely repents and does not fall into the same sin again. In this Hadith, we see the Mercy and Generosity of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta a’la,

The Prophet (sallalahu alaihi wasallam) said: “You will never give up something for the sake of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, but Allah will replace it with something that is better for you than it.” [Narrated by Ahmad]

 I know that right now your heart is breaking and you are wondering why things aren't getting better, why you're still hurting, why things haven't changed...But, have you ever thought for a second that where you are today is a change, in itself, and that Allah is watching over you and that it is He who is guiding you and protecting your faith? 

Think about it. You were given the insight that the relationship was going nowhere (many stay in haram relationship despite the fact they know it’s wrong, merely because they think it will improve). You were given the courage to let go. You have been given the beautiful chance to repent to Allah and to turn back to Him. Have you really sat down and THANKED Allah that He did not take your life while you were committing haram? How many of us say Alhamdullilah that we are not taken when we are committing shirk and putting our love for someone before putting our love for Allah first? Have you really thanked Allah for the blessing to see another day? 

 The truth is that it is absolutely natural that you would be feeling low:  you had to detach yourself away from someone that you loved. Leaving behind something or someone we have emotionally grown attached to is always a true challenge. You built up dreams around this person, envisioned a future... In a way,  you had to experience a kind of "death". The dreams had to be buried. But the good news is this:
Know that Allah gives life to the earth after its lifelessness. We have made clear to you the signs; perhaps you will understand. (57:17) 
What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger (in imaan , and all other aspects).  Instead of thinking what once was or how old you are/ what you haven't accomplished, try to think of the positive side of the situation and what lessons you can learn from them. 

 Positive side? Like what? Well, we are all faced with tests from Allah, and some are greater than others, and within every great trial there is always a reward as long as we stay patient and accept the struggles that we are faced with!

 “The greatest reward comes from the greatest trial. When Allaah loves people, He tests them, and whoever accepts it gains the pleasure of Allaah and whoever complains earns His wrath."
[Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2396; Ibn Maajah, 4031; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani]

Sis, I am sure you have heard this verse many times before :

“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know”[al-Baqarah 2:216]. 

And Subhana’Allah how true it holds in almost every daily situation we are faced with. From smallest of trials to biggest one, this verse Allah has revealed to us is like words of encouragement for His slaves and to let them know, that whatever happens, it is for the best. So everything you had to endure and go through, the emotional struggle and the physical struggles, it is all from Allah and His Wisdom! We will be rewarded for ever hardship that we are given, as long as we remain steadfast and obedient to Allah, The Most High. This is a beautiful hadith that really may help put things into perspective :  

It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I was riding behind the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) one day and he said: “O boy, I shall teach you some words. Be mindful of Allaah and He will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and He will protect you. If you ask then ask of Allaah, and if you seek help then seek help from Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you in some way, they would not benefit you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you, and if they were to gather together to harm you in some way, they would not harm you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” {Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2516)}

It is completely normal that you are feeling a loss of faith and hope since we are only humans and weak by nature. Our imaan is like a beautiful garden, if we do not constantly care for it, it will never grow and if we leave it idle it will wilt and die. Everyone will go through high moments and low moments in their imaan. I had a situation that really lowered my imaan, Alhamdulilah it was before Ramadan so I had a real good change to regain all my faith and hope back to Allah. What really helped me, was isolating myself away from technology and society and focusing on Ibadah and strengthening my Tawakkul (trust in Allah).
 I truly understand how you are feeling, in terms of feeling a loss of hope, sadness, and weak imaan. This is a fight that we are constantly battling with and the only way we can be successful is that we constantly remind ourselves of Allah and His 99 names, and to learn them and reflect upon them. Also isolate yourself in your home or even the masjid (though home is better) and detach yourself away from the worldly life for few hours or even a full day, if you can . Read Qur’an, reflect upon Allah and His Mercy and also remind yourself and think about death. I also recommend to listen to the seerah of our beloved Prophet Sallalahu aleyhi wasselam and the Sahabah. It is always a good “pick me upper.” Also maybe take a walk and reflect upon nature and the creation of Allah. Isolating yourself once a week is very helpful and can truly help you take a “break” from the busy worldly life. I truly suggest that you remove yourself from all technology devices (computer, phone, television etc) and take time for just you and Allah. This will be a great way to recharge your imaan and help you rebuild your foundation. Many sisters go through such weak imaan lapses and some stay down and get further into darkness while other sisters work hard to fight through the hole they have fallen into and come out stronger than before! Be the latter dear sister, and don’t let your mistakes bring you down and lose hope. Allah is Oft Forgiving, the Most Merciful. He is the best of Planners and everything that happens to us does not happen except by His will. 

It was written for you to go through everything that you have been experiencing and everything is nothing but a test of your dedication and love for Allah.  The moment that we stop seeking knowledge and learning more about Allah and remembering Him, we get caught up with the dunya . Know also that the importance of seeking knowledge and immersing yourself in it, is the key to success and rebuilding your imaan. This wise quote explains the importance of seeking knowledge and how it helps to increase one’s  iman.

According to Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, who said that Yazid related, on the authority of Jafar Ibn Uthrnan: "Some or of all our scholars heard Abu al-Darda' saying: 'Indeed, it is a part of a man's growth in knowledge to improve his Iman, make up for any decrease, know whether his Iman increases or diminishes, and know when and where Satan's temptations may come."' 

Allah is always listening to our supplications and even though you may feel disconnected during your prayer, take a minute before each prayer to think about death and imagine as if it were your last and final prayer. We all sin as the children of Adam are all sinners, but the ones who repent and ask Allah for forgiveness, are the ones that are near and dear to Him.

And when My servants ask you (O Muhammad concerning Me, then answer them:), I am indeed near. I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me. So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright. (Surah al Baqarah v. 186.)

Also dear sister, you can visit the masjid and meet some sisters (if you have not already done so) who are always there to help and support you with seeking knowledge. Surround yourself also with good companions and insha’Allah you will be well on your way to regaining your imaan! As for getting married, I think it would be best for you to focus on strengthening your imaan and working on your relationship with Allah first and foremost. It is important for you to establish the foundation before you build the house, similarly we must work on our imaan before we can ask for anything else from Allah. When we become closer with Allah, then we will become a better sister, wife, and mother. Allah will bless you with a righteous Muslim husband on His own time. For now, focus on working harder to building your foundation and regaining that inner peace. This is the key to getting back on track insha'Allah! 

May Allah make your situation easier and grant you success with all of your affairs AMEEN

P.S. Don't think that you are behind schedule or anything like that. You are exactly where you should be at this moment in time. Do not compare yourself to others but understand that each of us has different trials/ experiences best suited for the individual. 


All that Staring.

>> Saturday, December 22, 2012

Men, guys, dudes, the opposite gender. WHATEVER you want to call them, they elicit an exasperated sigh, and shrug of the shoulders from me. I have two problems.                                      1.       I have an issue with guys staring at me. It’s is really A HUGE BURDEN for me, and is more complicated given my second problem                                                                                        .2.       I am ULTRA SHY, near agoraphobic. I can’t interact with my classmates and I just can’t seem to communicate with people away from my home life. I get ubber-tressed and it really affects my concentration in school.                                                                           Every semester since I can remember I’ve had one or two guys who are PERSISTENT in staring at me. It’s ridiculous. Always in class. They are not guys I socialize with, or guys who even TALK to me. They just stare. You have to realize that these guys are not attracted to me because of my physical beauty, but only stare at me. I have features that are, ‘strange’ or ‘unreal’ for someone of my ethnic group and so to some extent I can understand the looking, but not to the way I’ve experienced it. My first semester there was this guy who stared at me for two hours and evidently failed the class. I had the personality back then when such a thing was funny. This never use to be a problem because I didn’t use to wear hijab or dress the way I should, but since I began to dress modestly and wore hijab I thought it’d end. I just get ‘stared’, which for me signifies ‘cruel and unusual punishment.’ People I’ve told tell me I’m being ‘paranoid’ or ‘cute’, aka, conceited. The one thing I do know is that, I feel hurt, like I’m the red ball in a cluster of white balls. And I can’t ignore it. There is always a guy in my class EVERY semester who thinks its fun to stare mysteriously at me for hours. First, I’m in denial, then I get flattered (just a little), then I get irked, then someone turns on the dial to full-blown annoyance, and I can’t function. AT ALL. And lastly, I fall for the person. The last is the worse symptom I have. This semester there is this guy in my class, and like the previous guys stares at me ALL DAY, and makes me uncomfortable. I don’t know what to do, he is present in my school life. I’m EXTRA shy, so it irks me to a level even my sister thinks is paranoia, I’ve told her and she doesn’t believe it when I describe how all my seat-changes don’t matter to the guy. NOTE: he sits at the very front. This brings the ridiculous question of ‘how can he keep looking at you while he’s in the front’ Oh, yes it’s possible, very much so. I’ve lost all humor for this kind of situation. I can always see him in my peripheral vision, even if I lower my gaze, which is hard to do and learn at the same time. So WHAT am I supposed to do? I could imagine this guy is a stalker and I should report him or something extreme like that, then there will just be ANOTHER GUY. Plus this guy is one of the people at school whose practically everyone’s friend, he’s known to be intelligent, caring, and an overall pleasant guy, someone who values education and is very soft-tempered. The problem is I’ve partially fallen for this guy. There is something about him, he seems almost muslim-ish, but I’m doubtful. I don’t know why a guy like that has such an ugly side, or rather ALL GUYS seem to have this ugly side when it comes to me. I cringe as I write all this!! I’m really embarrassed!!! So, give it to me straight aunties, am I being paranoid, or just simply conceited and I need a reality check.I think this all bothers me so much (because I’m a psycho, and you should send me a psych referral with you answers, or…) I’m deadly shy and insecure. Tips to overcome this?Sorry for the really, really long rambling letter!!!

Dear The Muslimah drowning in a river of tumultuous emotions,
I'm very sorry we took so long to respond to you. The reason why you couldn't see the contact page was because we had removed it since we had gotten too many questions for that month. It took us a while to get to all the questions that we'd received in the contact page...and somehow this email got buried down. Sorry about that *blushes*
AS for your situation, we don't think that you're some kinda psycho or anything like that. I think all of us, at one point or another, have felt that undeniable sensation of someone staring at us. And it feels weird. Creepy. Eerie. Strange. 
To have to feel that every semester would be very uncomfy. Especially if it's by someone of the opposite gender. At the same time, I can understand why you might feel yourself actually "falling" for the person, too. 

What to do? :) 

1. "They're, they're not really looking?"  You said that there is a possibility that you are imagining it and the person is not really looking at you. Well, one way to end the "anxiety" is to ask a friend who is sitting next to that person to look at the person and see if they are staring at you. Ask the friend to literally record how many times (if there are "times") the person looks in your direction and how long they look at you. Another way is to literally turn your head back quickly and stare back: are they REALLY staring at you or perhaps staring at the teacher who is standing in the front of the class or the clock on top of the wall? What if you move your chair and sit in the same row (not column) as the person? Does the person still find a way to stare at you or is it perhaps a matter of location?

2. "All eyes on me": once you've actually swiveled your head in their position and caught them staring at you, the next thing to do is ask yourself a question...What's in a look? The only fact you now know is that the person's eyes have landed on you. You have no idea though what the person is thinking of and whether or not they have consciously laid their eyes on you or are actually sitting down thinking about the video game they want to play. You see, sometimes a person does LOOK at you but isn't actually thinking of you, at all. In fact, the other day, I was walking in a mall and was staring at this person's shopping bag (wondering what store they got it from). I was staring pretty intently, too, when I felt a mean glance in my direction coming from the woman next to the man who was holding the bag. In my pre-occupation at looking at the bag, I didn't realize that the woman probably thought I was checking her husband out. What a mix-up that look led to. 

Don’t place so much emphasis on his looks since you don't know what he's thinking.

3. Prince Charming/ Not: When you start to get those fluttery feelings, thinking that maybe this is the guy for you (because he actually values you and your beauty), remind yourself that you are someone special, but that a person's admiration doesn't mean they are the right person or you. Ultimately, what do you really know about this person? That he likes to look at you? What if the only thing he cares about is actually the amazing color of your eyes or the shape of your hijab? What if he doesn't value your soul? Don't build your future around his looks. He could be looking at something and thinking someone you don't even want to know, darling. Instead, remind yourself that if you're even thinking about him or falling for him, you are falling for the picture that you are creating of him. You are making him into the Prince Charming that you want him to be- not necessarily who HE is.

Even if he is a decent kinda guy, you know the rules. The dude needs to be approaching your wali (dad) and taking the conversation from there ;)

4. Super Shyness: As for your shyness, shyness is actually a very good quality in Islam, but it does depend on what you mean by shyness. 

Good shyness is this:

If, on the other hand, your shyness is preventing you from functioning "normally", and you just keep over-worrying about this person singling you out with his looks, then, be careful. Shyness shouldn't be leading you to not being able to do your work or not being able to concentrate on your classwork. If it is, try these tips:

* Try to find a club that you can join with people like you: perhaps you like playing chess or math or any of those things? Being around like-minded people and people with the same interests should make conversation easier and keep your mind off from thinking of the guy with the looks
*  Try to plan ahead some conversation starters with some of your classmates that you want to befriend.

 Some simple things to talk about

-  'something weird you read in the newspaper' or online
-You can mention something like "how do you find the time to do X and Y"? "You can start the conversation also with a compliment like "I really like your shoes- where did you get them from?"
- You can ask people for their advice/  opinion on something. 

-- You can offer to help a person study, too :) Use your strengths to help you overcome your weaknesses :D
Remember, the people you meet all have their own stories, too :) Most people appreciate anyone who willing to help them, is courteous, and has a friendly smile. Greet the girls with a smile, forget about the guy with the stares, and face each new day at it comes.  

Well sister, I know this isn't that much, but I hope the other sisters can share their input, too =) How do you deal with stares? 

P.S. I want to stress that if you feel that the stares/inappropriate behaving that is  bordering on harassment, then the issue should be taken up with someone of authority. I didn't sense from the email that you were facing any stalking, but if any sister is dealing with stalking, she should go to those with authority.



>> Friday, December 7, 2012

1.      . Asalaam Aleikum,

My question concerns the Niqab. I have read all of your other posts regarding the topic. For about a month now, I've been seriously considering wearing the niqaab( I've done it a few times except to school and work) and my main issue is not that I'm ready or I'm second guessing but it's more due to my family and other surroundings. I've also always had a issue with being "externally religious" so as not to make others feel uncomfortable, i.e, pausing a conversation to make salat or waking up a sibling/parent/friend to pray. I don't want them to feel as if I'm unrelate-able or on a different level than them, which I've seen happen to other people. I've been wearing the scarf for a couple of years now and that started the same way. I would wear it anywhere I didn't think I'd run into a family/community member but it got to stressful so I just did it all the time and it went well. Then last year, I did the same with my abaya. I wore it to school (I'm a senior in university) and work but now I wear it all the time. People are constantly telling my mum to watch out for who I'm hanging out with etc, etc, because I might become too extreme. She also kind of agrees and thinks that I should just wear "normal" clothes.  A few weeks ago someone who knows my mom saw me in niqab(idk how they knew it was me) and told me mum. Who called me and gave me a mini lecture about not being too extreme. I'm very comfortable in my mode of dress but I begin to dread family functions because someone is bound to make a negative/sarcastic comment and I usually just smile in return but it still makes me sad. Part of the issue I guess is that my family and the majority of my community(especially since we're in America), while they might pray, fast, dhikr, etc, view aspects of the deen especially hijab as a cultural Arab/Desi thing and that's pretty much what I thought while growing up too. I've grown up in this community my entire life, most of the families were friends/relatives from back home so it's hard to just ignore them because even if I do, they still get to my mum. I'd really like to wear niqab because I feel like it makes sense. I mean, if I cover my body, why should I not also cover my face which is the place where most look to in regards of beauty. Besides the family thing, I don't want to be classified as the "extreme" or religious one. Though, I don't think those are bad, the way people say them, invoke negativity. I already get insulted/talked negatively about because of my opinions in regards to gender-interactions, parties, zabiha etc so part of me feels that by not wearing niqab people can still relate to me but once I put it on permanently...I'll always be "that girl" and my opinions will no longer matter because it will always be followed by "well, she wears niqab so she's obviously strict." I am also very involved in the community, i.e running the halaqas for the younger girls and I worry that parents might not let their children attend if they think I'm extreme. I'm actually the only person not married/under 30 at my masjid who wears any form of hijab and people are always quick to use this against me. I've pretty much resulted in not giving my opinion on any matters unless they directly ask me because they tend to twist it in a way that I look bad or uppity. Sorry for the super long message

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatu dearest sister in Islam!!! <3 

please, please, please do not apologize for asking such an important question that I know many other sisters are looking for an answer to. Insha’Allah your question will help many other Muslimahs who are struggling with the same issue. I pray that I will be able to give you sound advice to the best of my ability, by the permission of Allah. I sincerley admire your dedication and strength to please Allah and Him alone. In today’s society, many people leave their religion for the worldly life but Masha’Allah you are fighting to hold onto it. May Allah make it easy for you and continue to keep you steadfast and upright on al-Haq al Islam. Ameen!

And get to your question :)

I want to start off with a few Hadith and verses from the Qur’an about the importance of obeying Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. 

"The only saying of the faithful believers, when they are called to Allāh (His Words, the Quran) and His Messenger (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam), to judge between them, is that they say: "We hear and we obey." And such are the successful (who will live forever in Paradise).  And whosoever obeys Allāh and His Messenger (Sallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam), fears Allāh, and keeps his duty (to Him), such are the successful ones.” [An-Nur, 24: 51-52]

And I (Allaah) created not the jinns and humans except they should worship Me (Alone). (Ad-Dhariyat 51:56) 

You see, sis, whatever religious duty you do has nothing to do with others. Don't think of the duty in terms of creation, but think of WHO you are doing it for. It's not about being on a different level from a sister, parent or friend. Instead, it is all about YOU and your relationship with Allah. 

And the reality is this: anything from Islam, and the commands of Allah, are NOT to be taken as cultural or traditional practices. 
Islam is a way of life, and our duty as a servant of Allah is to worship Him with no partners, to obey His commands, and to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (sallalahu aleyhi wasselam.)

 Observing the five pillars of Islam is absolutely obligatory upon us and that is what distinguishes us apart from the non-Muslims. In addition, we are to obey Allah and observe His commands about modesty, carry good character and etiquette and to respect our parents. However, if our parents are discouraging us from practicing something that is obligatory in Islam, or to even abandon something obligatory, we should not obey them. Our love for our parents does not exceed the love we have for Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala. Nothing comes before Allah.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4340; Muslim, 1840; Ahmad, 1098.
Not to go on a little rant here, but unfortunately, the society we live in today has become brainwashed by the media where “normal clothes” is considered as tight, skinny denim, fitted hoodies and a hijab that covers the hair with ears and earrings are exposed. The modern women in today's society has become more of a hot commodity, rather than an actual human being with a brain. The modern women of today has designers and producers speaking for them instead of them having a say in anything! These women have become oppressed by the media and they don't even have a clue! 
Modesty is becoming extinct day by day. Masha’Allah dearest sister, I commend you for your courage in adopting the proper Islamic dress despite all the negative reactions you are receiving from your family. It is definitely not easy when you are being treated like a criminal or an “extremist” because of the way you dress. Many Muslim families believe that the hijab is not mandatory and just a “cultural” tradition which their forefathers brought before them, but this is not true as it is mentioned in the Qur’an that hijab for women is mandatory.

Allah says in the Qur’an: 

‘[This is] a surah which We have sent down and made [that within it] obligatory and revealed therein verses of clear evidence that you might remember.’ (24:1)

Allah mentions to us that the verses in this Surah are sent down as obligatory acts which must be followed, and this following verse is mentioned in the exact same Surah, which means that adopting hijab and covering our adornments is obligatory upon the believing Muslim.

“And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear therof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, or their brothers' sons or their sisters' sons, or their women or the servants whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex, and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you Believers, turn you all together towards Allah, that you may attain Bliss.” (Quran 24:31)

As we can see, proper hijab where a person "covers" their beauty and adornmanets was ordained by Allah.

Does it matter then what the people around us think?

Or does it matter what Allah thinks?

I know it's hard sister, especially because you are not surrounded by sisters or family members who feel the same way about modesty. But the reality, is that you are at a true advantage dear sister. The only ‘trend’ that needs to be set in today’s society is the proper Islamic  dress and that ‘trend’ can only start with those who fear Allah and obey His every command. You are a trend setter, a pioneer, an ambassador calling others to modesty and to what Allah wants. In fact, the fact that you are singled out because of the way you dress and your other opinions on zabiha and so forth is a true sign of iman, inshaAllah (May Allah keep your heart fastened onto His deen! Ameen) and that you are living your life truly for the sake of Allah.

 Remember the true believer in this dunya will always feel out of place and like a stranger but there is nothing wrong with this, in fact, glad tidings are given to the stranger!

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Islam initiated as something strange, and it will revert to its (old position) of being strange. So, glad tidings to the stranger!” [Muslim]

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said:
“The world is the believer’s prison and the disbeliever’s Paradise”
 Muslim and Tirmidhi from the narration of Abu Hurayrah and Ahmad from the narration of ‘Abd Allah b. ‘Amru b. Ziyad

Also remember Allah says in the Qur’an to His believing slaves:

 “Do the people think that they will be left to say, "We believe" and they will not be tried?” (29:1)

“Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments, and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, "When (will come) the Help of Allaah?" Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allaah is near!”  (Al-Baqarah 2:214)

So you see, we will always be faced with difficulties and hurdles in this life when we obey Allah, this is to show Him if our sincerity with the deen is true. What you have to do is continue to remain patient and treat your family and peers with respect and good manners, stay strong with yourself and always say Alhamdulilah for every situation, for "Indeed amazing is the affair of the mu`min (believer). And this is not for anyone except the believer. If he is given something good, he is thankful, and this is good for him. And if he is afflicted with a hardship, then he is patient, and it is good for him." [Sahih Muslim]:

Now, as to answer your question regarding Niqab, I am not a scholar and it would be very dangerous for me to issue fatwas because I am not qualified to do so. I am just another one of your sisters in Islam who love you for the sake of Allah, so all I can give you is my own opinion based on how I would handle the situation (according to the Qur’an and Sunnah). There are many hadith about modesty, for example:

Mu'adh bin Anas radiallahu anhu reported: Messenger of Allah Sallalahu aleyhi wasselam said, "Whoever gives up wearing elegant and expensive garments out of humbleness, when he can do so, Allah will call him on the Day of Resurrection and before all the creations, He will give him the choice to wear whichever garment of IMAN he would like to wear." (At-Tirmidhi, Chapter 120. #802 pg 666 Riyah us-Saliheen"excellence of giving up elegant clothes for HUMILITY")

Upon the authority of Anas Ibn Maalik – Radhiyallahu ‘anhu – who said that the Messenger of Allah – Sallallahu alaihi Was Salam – Said: “..If a woman from the women of Jannah were to appear in this world, that which is between (the heavens and the earth) would be filled with her (beautiful) fragrance. And they would illuminate that which is between the heavens and the earth. The scarf that is on her head is better than the world and that which is upon it!” (Collected By Tirmidhi (1651) and declared ‘Saheeh’ by Shaikh Al Albaani in Saheeh Sunan At Tirmidhi)

"In later (generations) of my ummah there will be women who will be dressed but naked. On top of their heads (what looks) like camel humps. They will not enter into paradise or (even) get a smell of it." (Muslim)

If they are reluctant to follow the many given proofs from the Qur’an and Sunnah then I encourage you to continue to show your family that Islam is a way of life and not just a cultural practice. It is your duty to encourage them to pray on time, and to take modesty seriously. 

If the idea of Niqab overwhelms them and it will result in them kicking you out of the home or disowning you, then perhaps you should seek help through patience and prayer and ask Allah to make things easier for you. Also, to pray Istikharah if it is a good idea for you to adopt the Niqab due to the current situation you are in. Praying Istikharah (consistently) is always my best advice to sisters, mainly because we are human beings, and our knowledge and wisdom is so limited. Allah knows the answers that we do not, and I could give you my opinion and advice but what really matters is our Creator because He knows best. So my wonderful dear sister, I commend you again for your courage and your strong iman masha’Allah ( May Allah preserve it and keep you strong on His deen ) but if the Niqab will cause more problems for you in your current situation, then make Istikharah, asking Allah if it is good for your deen then to make wearing the niqab easier, and if not then He will show you either way.

 As for the halaqah issue, will you be holding them with your niqab on? Or will be there be a women's only section? If there will be a women's only section, you don't actually have to wear your niqab in front of the children (unless you fear that non-mahram will see you). And even if you do have to for some reason, that doesn't mean that the parents will refuse to let their children attend with you. Just having friendly attitude is bound to win them over. Also, you can make a brochure with what you are hoping to cover in the halaqahs and invite the moms to see.

As much as possible, use this opportunity to your advantage for this will be a great chance for you to share the beauty of Islam through your akhlaq, and through the beautiful teaching of Rasulullah (sallalahu aleyhi wasselam), and to teach the younger children about modesty and why it is important in a society like today. 

The future starts with our youth, and if you can set a good example for them in a gentle, well-mannered way, insha'Allah it will also make the elders understand as well the importance of modesty and the beauty of Islam! Continue to stay patient and make plenty of duaa and continue to lead by example through good manners and kind treatment towards your family and friends. Insha’Allah they will come through slowly and maybe they will even adopt the niqab one day!

Always stay positive and enthusiastic, and remember Allah does not burden us with more than we can bear! Allahu Akbar! If you ever want to give your opinion on a subject (to family, or friends etc) make sure you have proof from the Qur'an and Sunnah with you, so if anyone ever twists your words or puts words in your mouth, you will have proof to back up your claim. Nothing in Islam is forced upon anyone, and remember Islam is made to be easy for us and we should always be moderate with everything and never be too excessive as mentioned in this Hadith:
145. Narrated by Abu Hurayra (radiallahu anhu) reported that the Prophet ,may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The deen is easy. Anyone who makes the deen too hard on himself will find it becomes too much for him. So aim for what is right, follow a middle path, accept the good news of the reward for right action, and seek help [to reach your goal by being constant in worshipping] in the morning, evening and some of the night."[al-Bukhari] 
Also remember, nobody will save us on the day of Judgement except Allah and His mercy ! Our family and friends will not intercede on behalf of us, so we must always remember to focus on earning rewards for the Akhirah and not the dunya! The opinions of others will not matter on The Day of Judgement so we should not focus too much on what others think about us while we are in this dunya! Here are some chilling reminders about The Last Day: 

"O mankind, fear your Lord and fear a Day when no father will avail his son, nor will a son avail his father at all. Indeed, the promise of Allah is truth, so let not the worldly life delude you and be not deceived about Allah by the Deceiver." (31:33)

 "And no burdened soul will carry another soul’s burden; and if a burdened soul calls another to share the burden, no one will carry any part of it, even if he is a close relative; O dear Prophet (Mohammed – peace and blessings be upon him), your warning only benefits those who fear their Lord without seeing and who keep the prayer established; and whoever cleansed himself, has cleansed for his own benefit; and towards Allah only is the return." [35:18]

"At last, when the deafening blast is sounded, that Day will man flee from his brother and his mother and his father and his wife and his children. Each one of them, on that Day, will have enough to occupy him so as to make him heedless of others. Some faces on that Day shall be shining, rejoicing and joyful. And some faces on that Day shall be dusty, and darkness shall be covering them. These will be the disbelievers and the sinners." (80: 33-42)
So continue to be obedient to Allah and excel in your deen and always strive to attain more knowledge from our pious predecessors so that you may educate yourself and put into practice what you learn, and insha'Allah your good actions will reflect upon others around you. I also wanted to extend out my support to you and if you need to talk to someone privately you can alwayas e-mail me at ! May Allah keep us all steadfast upon al-haq al- Islam and may He give us the taufiq to revive the Sunnah a day at a time, for His sake and His alone. AMEEN! <3<3<3


Sometimes I Wonder...

>> Sunday, December 2, 2012


 Salam sisters,I could use some help.I come from a middle class family but I go to a school with a lot of rich kids who have the latest clothes, laptops, gadgets, etc.. Sometimes, I find myself looking at my friend's things longingly....I don't mean to complain, but sometimes I do feel jealous of them. I find myself wondering why is it that they have been blessed with these things and not me? I really want to get rid of these thoughts but can't...I hope you can help me.

                     Assalamualaykoum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhoo ^.^
  My Dear Sis,
 I totally hear you!  I have to say it's great, Masha Allah, that you don't want to keep having those thoughts :) They can really get in the way of our lives… and I'm sure lots of other girls (rich or not) have felt or feel the same way as you do. Including me.
We're all human, and sometimes it's hard when you feel like, while everyone else is wearing that latest designer outfit or just bought the newest iPhone -- you're still stuck with items that are, like, so yesterday (I'm joking!) :P It gets really hard not to feel jealous. We also sort of wonder why we don't have those things.
We start wishing we had more. Better. Greater.
Instead of being thankful for what Allah (SWT) bestowed upon us, we sort of start feeling like it's not enough. We start comparing ourselves to our friends, family… maybe millionaires or celebrities.
Sometimes it's just to "fit in" or because "everyone else has it".
As muslims, though, our Prophet (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) advised us at times when we feel jealous or envious:

 "Do not look to those above you. Look to those below you, as it will more likely remind you of Allah's favours bestowed on you." [Bukhari & Muslim]

Compared to many people, 'we have it good'. We seriously don't know the blessings we have until they're taken away… which is very sad, to say the least :(
You mentioned that there are lots of rich kids at your school… that reminded me of a little misconception people make sometimes:
                                Being Rich = Everything I want + Happiness
The harsh reality: That isn’t true.
This is DUNYA were talking about. It really isn’t meant to be perfect. No matter if your the richest, most poplar, most beautiful, etc… it's never gonna make you completely happy.
Have you ever thought carefully about those people you’re jealous of? Have you ever actually seen how their lives are outside of school?
Perhaps the girl with the latest designer purse has no one to talk to at home. Maybe her parents are busy making money and completely ignore her. Maybe the girl with the latest iphone looks at YOU and wishes she could look like you or have your body. Think about the fact that you don't actually know how it feels to be in their shoes....

Hmm… but maybe the thing that puzzles you most is WHY. Why do they have blessings that you don't have?
Well, how about I give you the answer with a wonderful hadith that makes me smile every time I read it… :) 

Umar Ibn Khattab (May Allah Be Pleased With Him) narrated:
I visited Allah's Messenger (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salaam) one day, and he was lying on a mat. I sat down and saw that the mat (he had been laying on) had left its marks on his sides. I looked with my eyes in the storeroom of Allah's Messenger (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam). I found only a handful of barley equal to one handful and an equal quantity of the leaves of Mimosa Flava  (Hmm…not exactly sure what that is. Sorry for the interruption! haha :)) placed in the nook of the cell, and a semi-tanned leather bag hanging (in one side).
 I was moved to tears (on seeing the extremely harsh living of the Holy Prophet). Upon seeing my tears, he said: "Ibn Khattab, what makes you weep?"
I replied: "Apostle of Allah, why should I not shed tears? This mat has left its marks on your sides and I do not see in your storeroom (except these few things) that I have seen; Caesar  and Chosroes are leading their lives in plenty whereas you are Allah's Messenger. His chosen one, and that is your store!"
 He said: "Ibn Khattab, aren't you satisfied that for us (there should be the prosperity) of the Hereafter, and for them (there should be the prosperity of) this world?"
I replied: "Yes." (Bukhari & Muslim)

Isn't that wonderful, SubhanaAllah? :) I think there are two main important things in this hadith:
1) Muhammad (PBUH) was a Prophet. The chosen one. The last & final Prophet.
 If he wanted to live in luxury, to have the most lavish clothes, the grandest meals, the largest house… don't you think he could have? Yet look at our beloved Prophet (PBUH)… he barely had anything except the clothes on his back, and a roof over his head.
And Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) saw the conditions in which the Prophet lived. He was so hurt to see the  Prophet (PBUH) that way, that it moved him to tears. Can you imagine? The man who was known for his strength, strong will, and boldness…
And when the Prophet asked him why he was crying, part of his answer was that he had seen Caesar (The Emperor of Rome at that time) & Chosroes (The King of Persia) living their lives in plenty.
Just like when we see that certain person or people with more blessings than us… except Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) wasn't thinking about himself, he was thinking about the Prophet (PBUH). 
That gets me to the second 'main important thing'. You still with me? ;P
2) When you see this hadith for the first time, and you read Umar Ibn Kattab's description of the Prophet's house, you might think: "Why is does he live like a poor man? I mean, isn't he THE Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)?"    
Maybe that's what Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) thought too. He wondered & asked: Why?                                   
And Umar Ibn Kattab (May Allah be pleased with him) got his answer. In a way, we also got an answer :)
Allah (SWT) gives his blessing to those who don't believe in him in this world. A world that for us spans an average of 60 years. A world that will come to an end one day. Soon.
Those who believe in Allah (SWT) will also get his blessings in this world. But if someone else has it better than them, they know that, inshaAllah, they will be rewarded fully in the next life.
Hold on though. It won't be just any 'next life'.
It will be an immortal life. A perfect one. With anything your heart desires. Things that never even flew by your imagination. Anything you don't like won't be there…And everything you do like will be a million times better. You will never feel bored, tired, angry, annoyed, jealous…
And the best part: It goes on FOREVER. It will never end.
Now… think about it.
Doesn't it feel kinda like a rip off to those who don't believe in Allah (SWT) and get everything in this life? They can have all their expensive clothes and latest gadgets… but in the end, we get something better :) We just have to work hard and try to be the best muslims we can be. InshaAllah, we will be rewarded to the fullest!

AbduAllah ibn Mas'ud (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated: (Once) the Holy Prophet (PBUH) slept on a mat made of date palm leaves. When he awoke, the impressions of the mat were visible on his body.
We said: "O Messenger of Allah! May we prepare a soft bedding for you?"
He said: "I have got nothing to do with the world. I am in this world like a rider who halts in the shade of a tree for a short time and after taking some rest, resumes his journey leaving the tree behind." (Tirmidhi)
Hope this helps, Sis :) May Allah (SWT) grant you (and us too, of course :P) all you want in this life and the next… Concentrate on whats important, and the other things will come along ;)
       Sincerely forever,


P.S. Just to Clarify, there is nothing wrong with having the latest clothes, electronic, etc. What is wrong is when there is no belief in Allah (SWT) in my opinion. 


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