"Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!"

>> Friday, May 27, 2011

Salam alaikum dear aunties,
I love your blog and i took time to read most of the issues that you have discussed but i didnt find any one that relates to my question.
I was born muslim.But i was not really practising islam then.When i turned 16 last december i dont really know how to explain what happened i was just drawn back to islam,everything happened really fast i started doing all the obligatory duties,i now wear hijab and abaya.But the problem i still have is my behaviour.I get really angry and irritated easily.Now brother doesnt respect me again and my family avoid me even though i try to be good but this problem makes all the good things i do for them look bad.please help me.

Wa alaykum salaam dear sister,
You know what? I am really happy that you feel like you've come back to Islam like that, wearing Hijab and everything, subhanAllah, wow, it really does make me smile to hear this. (:

I can understand how you feel that the good part of you isn't significant because you get angry and stuff. But don't lose hope, Islam isn't about being perfect and staying perfect forever. It's about climbing a ladder and continuing to climb. And even when you fall down a rung or two of this ladder, you repent - and continue to climb more, inshaAllah. The fact you've noticed a shortcoming in yourself is a step up the ladder too, so nice one. (:
You've got to understand that someone doesn't acquire an amazing character immediately. Character is formed by habits, which take time to set in your life.
Abû Hurayrah relates that a man said to the Prophet (peace be upon him): “Counsel me.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Do not get angry.” The man repeated his request many times, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) kept saying: “Do not get angry.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî ] 

This hadith is so significant because the Prophet (peace be upon him) limited his counselling of this man to this simple command. It obviously states just how incredibly important and beneficial it is to ourselves, our characters, our souls and even others.

Okay, well some things which can help you control your temper:

Understand Anger
Anger is an emotion with a whole lot of energy and this energy inspires action. Once you know this and understand that it's merely a state of mind, you can choose to change this. YOU control your mind, so YOU can control your emotions, thus your anger.

Transfer Anger
A way to channel this energy into something positive is to something, anything which can distract you from it. Painting, drawing, photography, reading - or you mentioned you like to write. You may not feel like you want to do something calming but if you force yourself and make yourself patient through this - it'll work in due time!

Eliminate Anger
These amazing examples from the best human being (peace be upon him), subhanAllah is the answer to the problem I think, (:

1. We should seek refuge with Allah when we become angry. Two men began hurling insults at one another in the presence of the Prophet (peace be upon him), each one insulting the other with such anger that his face had turned red. Th e Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “I know a word that if one were to say it, what stresses him would go away. If he would but say: ‘I seek refuge with Allah from Satan the Accursed'.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ]

 So to simply say "Audhu billahi minashaytan nirajim", with meaning.

2. If he is standing, then he should sit. If the anger fails to subside, then he should lie down. [Abu Dawood]
3. A person should remain silent. [Imam Ahmad]
4. Make wudhu. [Abu Dawood]
5. Make ghusl [Abu Nuaim]

Make these things habits and inshaAllah they'll become embedded in your character. SubhanAllah. (:
Another thing; if you feel like you have done something wrong like shout at a family member or say something you shouldn't have or generally slipped in your behaviour, remember to ask for forgiveness from Allah (swt) immediately. Is He (swt) not the Most-Forgiving? 
'Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (az-Zumar:53)
Truly think about this, sis. Allah will forgive you. Just seek what your soul yearns - seek forgiveness.

But remember, always be the first to say Sorry to whoever you may have upset. Always say sorry. The barrier between a 'sorry' is pride, and I don't think you're a proud person, honey. Just never forget to say sorry. Mean that you're sorry. And even do something to show you're sorry. Pray for the person and pray for yourself too, inshaAllah. :)

A Little Act of Kindness can go a long way if the intention behind it is pure - because pure intentions which hold hands with good deeds - are very powerful indeed. (:

Lastly, make dua! make dua! make dua! I thought I'd say it three times to emphasise its significance. :P But seriously, don't worry because if you make dua for something that will make you closer to Allah - Allah will answer inshaAllah. Just BELIEVE that He (swt) will. And never give up in your dua. Include it in your dua again and again and again. Always! Every dua! Every dua! Every dua! (I did that 'three times' thing again :P)

Lots of love to you honey, (:
And a big hug, 'cause you're sixteen and so am I! :D

You can conquer this. Leap up that ladder - and smile. (:


Paradise Promised.

>> Thursday, May 26, 2011

Asalamu Aliakum, my lovely sugar sprinkled fudge brownie cupcakes :)

Who is Paradise promised to?

Since our goal should be jannah, I thought it would be a nice idea to ask you guys to post up a hadith/ verse in the Qur'an/ story of a Companion/etc. of someone promised paradise- in the comment section.

That way, InshaAllah we can all learn...
and benefit....
and be inspired....

So that, we too, can be dwellers of Paradise.


He's my whole World.

>> Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Assalamualaikum my dear sisters,
I have a huge problem and I don't know how to get myself out of this situation. I'm engaged with a brother but i keep on thinking about him most of the time. You could say that he is the centre of my life. I listen to a talk about "False attachment" in the youtube and I admit that I have this strong attachment with the brother (he is not even my husband yet :'( ). Alhamdulilah, we never contact each other since we agreed on not having each other's phone number or email address and try our best to observe the boundaries. If we were ever to deliver any news, we have to go through a third person. I'm actually very happy because the brother is a very good muslim. We couldn't get married yet due to some problems. InshAllah Allah knows the best time (Pls make doa for me if there's khayr :D ). The problem is not with him but with me. I'm sad to say that i'm far from the remembrance of Allah swt. When I pray, he is the biggest obstacles for me to concentrate. I know I have a sick heart and I even try to fight it but its hard for me to get out from this cycle. I'm scard if my actions now will affect my life after marriage. Its even sad when i hear this statement from the Quran "Yet there are men who take (for worship) other besides Allah, as equal (with Him). They love them as they should love Allah. But those of Faith are overflowing in their love for Allah (2:165) " Frankly, this brother distract me from the remembrance of Allah swt and i started to become restless. I might not make a strong statement that I love the brother just like i love Allah swt, but it is reflected through my actions and thinking (what occupy my mind the most). I'm afraid to say that the price of getting married is higher than i thought. I want to be close and remember Allah swt.

Sister Cookie.
(p/s: Sorry if its too long for u to read, may Allah bless u all :D )

Wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo!

Dearest Sister Cookie,

Awww your e-mail made me smile. Congrats on getting engaged! I'm sure it's very natural for a fiancée to think/dream a lot about her future hubby, but it's great ma'shaAllah that you have evaluated how much you think about him and how much you think about Allah. Your e-mail gives me personally a chance to reflect on myself and evaluate if Allah is really first in my life or not, so thank you for that. And girl, that a’int long. I don’t know what you think about our posts, LOL. But seriously, InshaAllah the readers can also evaluate themselves :)

So what can you do?

Well, I think you should start off with just reminding yourself of the facts. When you find your mind wandering, remember how much you really know about him. Are you thinking about something you actually know about him or are you thinking about something you want?

It's like right now, while you’re in this engagement period, he's like a 'ghost'- a shadow of himself.

Okay, that sounds positively eerie.

Let me put it in a different way. Right now, he's like this beautiful country that you've heard about and you dream about visiting.But as many tourists discover, every city has two sides to it. The side we see in commercials and the side the ordinary citizens have to battle with....;)

I’m not saying that he’s some kinda monster. NO WAY.

I’m just reminding you that he is not perfect. (In fact, I honestly think that he's the center of your attention right now because you are not married and you haven't experienced the very normal human side of him, yet. LOL.).

And, as positively cruel as this sounds, (don't hate me!) remind yourself that marrying him will not give you the 'perfect life'. Because the perfect life is not for now. It's in jannah.

See, I don't know if this is a reason why he's become the center of your life or not, but many girls often mistakenly look at their fiancée as the solution to all their problems (maybe the family is a bit strict at home/ parents just don't 'get it'/ whatever) and they imagine that by marrying them they will achieve ever lasting happiness. Unfortunately, that's not the reality of the matter.

Allah says in the Qur'an:
That We created man in toil and trouble. (90:4)

Single or married- we've all got our own problems to deal with, SubhanAllah.

The only One who can guide our hearts and grant us happiness actually is Allah.

Okay, besides reminding yourself of those things, what else can you do?

Make a "Why Do I Love Allah List"

Think about it.

Who is Allah?

He is the Most Loving, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful, the One who loves to Blot out Sins, the Forgiver, the One Who Accepts Repentance, the One who Answers the Call of His servants (supplications) …

He is the only One who is Perfect.

He is the One has decreed that His Mercy prevails over his Wrath (related by Muslim and Bukhari.)

He is the One who is more merciful to us than a mother is to her baby (in a hadith related by Umar bin Al Khattab).

I think we often say that but we don't even realize how merciful that is. If we look into the animal kingdom though, we can see amazing amazing examples of mercy . I watched this amazing video once of a female mother bird who puts her life in danger for her babies. "The mother bird who sees an enemy approaching will quietly leave her nest, (actually) place herself in front of the enemy, and start to flutter on the ground, striking it with a wing, making painful cries, and trying to convince the enemy, while staying beyond its reach, that she is helpless (so that it will come to HER!). As the enemy tries to catch her, it gets farther away from the nest (her little babies)." Quoted from here:

In a hadith, it was said: Allah divided mercy in to 100 parts and he kept 99 parts with Himself, and sent down one part on the earth, and because of that one single part,His creation are merciful to each other, so that even the mare lifts up its hoof away from its calf, lest it should trample on it.'(Bukhari)

I mean think about all the mercy around us-- that's just one tiny part!

Think about the mercy of the Prophet- how he forgave the Qurayshi Arabs after all they did to him. Even though they plotted against him. Boycotted him. Abused him. Yet, what did he tell them in the end? "There is no blame upon you."

Now realize that the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam's mercy still pales in comparison with the Mercy of the Most Merciful, who chose to begin every surah (except At Tauwbah) with that name.

He is the One who decided how to record the good deeds and the bad deeds in the most merciful and kindest way imaginable. He declared that whoever intended to do good deed but didn’t do it, He would write it down with Himself as a full good deed, and if the person intended to do it and did it, He would write itdown with Himself as from ten good deeds to seven hundred times, or many times over.

Whoever comes [on the Day of Judgement] with a good deed will have ten times the like thereof [to his credit], and whoever comes with an evil deed will not be recompensed except the like thereof; and they will not be wronged. (6: 160)

He showers us with blessings day in and day out. And we sin against Him day in and day out. And yet He stretches His hands out, ready to forgive us.

Allah is our Supporter and Al Hadi, guiding us every step of the way.

He is Al-Mujib- the One who answers the one in need if he asks Him and rescues the yearner if he calls upon Him. He wants us to call on Him.

He Who responds to the oppressed when they call on Him and removes their distress, and has appointed you as inheritors of the land. Is there another deity besides Allah? How little you pay heed! (Surat an-Naml, 62)

He is Near- just a dua away.

And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.

He remembers us! Imagine you went to a university made up of 1, 000,000 students and you weren't even an amazing student. Just a regular student. And the Chancellor of your university actually would personally call you- remember you- say your name? How great would you feel? Now think about Allah who is the Creator of every single thing...And yet, out of His billions of creations (the people that passed, the people to come, the people now, and all the other creations), if you remember Him, He remembers YOU. 
 I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.

He is Ash-Shakur: The One who is Ever Appreciative. He is the One Who appreciates your deeds, however small they are, and doubles the rewards for you in this world and in the hereafter

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "A prostitute was forgiven by Allah, because, passing by a panting dog near a well and seeing that the dog was about to die of thirst, she took off her shoe, and tying it with her head-cover she drew out some water for it. So, Allah forgave her because of that."

He is the One who cares for every single one of his creations and wants his servants to look after each other.

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) said: Allah (mighty and sublime be He) will say on the Day of Resurrection:
O son of Adam, I fell ill and you visited Me not. He will say: O Lord, and how should I visit You when You are the Lord of the worlds? He will say: Did you not know that My servant So-and-so had fallen ill and you visited him not? Did you not know that had you visited him you would have found Me with him? O son of Adam, I asked you for food and you fed Me not. He will say: O Lord, and how should I feed You when You are the Lord of the worlds? He will say: Did you not know that My servant So-and-so asked you for food and you fed him not? Did you not know that had you fed him you would surely have found that (the reward for doing so) with Me? O son of Adam, I asked you to give Me to drink and you gave Me not to drink. He will say: O Lord, how should I give You to drink whin You are the Lord of the worlds? He will say: My servant So-and-so asked you to give him to drink and you gave him not to drink. Had you given him to drink you would have surely found that with Me.It was related by Muslim.

He is our Protector: … it is Our duty to help the believers. (Surat ar-Rum, 47)

He is the One who Loves:

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) said: Allah (mighty and sublime be He) said:
Whosoever shows enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about [seizing] the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate hurting him.

It was related by al-Bukhari.

Did you know that it is said that the Throne of Allah shook for the death of a companion?

Umar narrated that the Messenger of Allah (salallahu alaihi wasalam) said: “This (i.e. Saad ibn Muadh) is the one at whose death the Throne shook, the gates of heaven were opened for him and seventy thousand angels attended his funeral. It squeezed* him once then released him.” [Sunan An-Nasai, Hadeeth No. 2057. Graded 'saheeh' by Shaikh Al-Albani in Saheeh Sunan An-Nasai, Hadeeth No. 2055]

According to the Darussalam commentary, "The Throne shook" means that it shook in the delight of his welcome.]

Don’t you want that, sis?

Can you imagine?
Allah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him. (Surat al-Mujadala, 22)

I bet you do....And the thing is.....these are all general reasons. I'm sure if you examine your own life thoroughly, you will find so many more blessings and favors that Allah has given you. You'll find how much He has been there for you :)

So it's time that you occupied  yourself with some more Islamic activities.

- Why not take the opportunity now to learn some more about Allah's Names? What do we mean when we say that He is the Provider? (Who gave you your fiancée)? What is it mean that He is Al Lateef? You can maybe make some kind of goal. "I'm going to learn 20 Names of Allah" before I get married. I highly encourage you to check these videos out…I mean these totally helped me grow in my love for Allah =)


- Dedicate some time to listening to the Qur'an and listening to Islamic lectures

-Make a ‘why am I thankful to Allah’ list =)
-Make a conscious effort to do some more dhikr.

InshaAllah sis, you’ll find yourself putting Allah first. inshaAllah the other sisters can share their advice,

With love,


Sincerely Yours.

>> Friday, May 20, 2011

How can you make sure that your actions are sincere? I've been attempting to hide my good deeds to make sure that it's just for the sake Allah (S), but sometimes it doesn't work. How can I keep my intentions of good actions just for the sake of Allah (S) and not this earth?

Thanks so much!

Wa'alykum as salam wa rahamutullah wa barkatoo!

Dear Sister Anonymous,
You've asked a great question ma'shaAllah and a question that plagues me almost daily. Really. So, I'm going to try and give you some ideas and hope that the readers will give more, inshaAllah :)

How can we make our actions sincere?

Well, you definitely hit right on the nail when you said that you try and hide your deeds. That's key. The trick is to do things when and where no one will/can see you...

So for example,

  • you can try staying up in your room and reading Qu'ran after fajr
  • waking up in the middle of the night and praying qiyam al layl
  • fasting on a random day and actually 'pretending' to make a lunch box (so that your family actually think you're not fasting) and sitting down with them during dinner, 
  • donating anonymously to a charity box
  • even wearing your hijab to some deserted area where no one would see you anyway... .
  • If you're in university, and you've got some fantastic idea/suggestion for the MSA, turn it in anonymously. 
  • If you give halaqahs/write/etc. try to end with the reminder that what good you say is from Allah and the mistakes are actually from you and the Shaitan.

But yes, sometimes, you just can't hide your deeds/ hide that it is you behind the deed.

What to do?

- Put up this reminder somewhere where you are bound to see it:
"And so it was said".
You know who will say that and when they will say that? Allah Subhanoo Wa' Tala on the Day of Judgment.

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say:
The first of people against whom judgment will be pronounced on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who died a martyr. He will be brought and Allah will make known to him His favours and he will recognize them. [ The Almighty] will say: And what did you do about them? He will say: I fought for you until I died a martyr. He will say: You have lied - you did but fight that it might be said [of you]: He is courageous. And so it was said. Then he will be ordered to be dragged along on his face until he is cast into Hell-fire.
 [Another] will be a man who has studied [religious] knowledge and has taught it and who used to recite the Quran. He will be brought and Allah will make known to his His favours and he will recognize them. [The Almighty] will say: And what did you do about them? He will say: I studied [religious] knowledge and I taught it and I recited the Quran for Your sake. He will say: You have lied - you did but study [religious] knowledge that it might be said [of you]: He is learned. And you recited the Quran that it might be said [of you]: He is a reciter. And so it was said. Then he will be ordered to be dragged along on his face until he is cast into Hell-fire.
[Another] will be a man whom Allah had made rich and to whom He had given all kinds of wealth. He will be brought and Allah will make known to his His favours and he will recognize them. [The Almighty] will say: And what did you do about them? He will say: I left no path [untrodden] in which You like money to be spent without spending in it for Your sake. He will say: You have lied - you did but do so that it might be said [of you]: He is open-handed. And so it was said. Then he will be ordered to be dragged along on his face until he is cast into Hell-fire.
It was related by Muslim (also by at-Tirmidhi and an-Nasa'i).
Just reading that hadith every day should remind you inshaAllah that whatever your reason is for doing the good deed...you're going to get it. If you want the dunya, you'll get the dunya....but as this hadith shows, at the expense of the hereafter.

Related to this, remind yourself that Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala is the All Knower.

He knows that which deceives the eyes and what the breasts conceal. (40:19)
- Another thing to do is to question your intentions regularly. At the end of each week, ask your heart about its intention. It would be even better if you did it each night before you went to sleep. Ask yourself- "why am I doing this?"

If you're not exactly sure what your intention is, check your nasiha thermometer.

What do I mean by that?

Well the nasiha thermometer is my made up term for how well you accept nasiha. If you find that you're unwilling to accept someone's sound Islamic advice regarding your deed, maybe you don't have the most sincere intentions out there. Think about it. Sincerity implies that you only want to do it for Allah's sake- we really shouldn't have pride when it comes to doing something for Allah's sake. We should be willing to improve and seek any means to draw closer to Him/better our good acts. Ask yourself- if this is for Allah’s sake, why am I not willing to improve/ accept this person’s advice?

-Realize that your actions were never going to get you heaven anyways but your intentions behind your deeds.
Remember that hadith we’ve put up here a lot? The one about the man who killed 99 people? Well, at the end of one of the versions of this hadith, it stated that Allah moved the earth for this man. When we examine this hadith though, we don’t really see that the man actually did any ‘good deeds’. What was it then that earned him paradise? His sincerity- his sincerity to return to Allah, to become a good person, to live his life in a way that pleases Allah.

In fact, we can see this same concept- that it is not our deeds but our intention/sincerity behind them that leads to jannah- when we look at this hadith:

It was narrated from Sahl ibn Hunayf (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever sincerely asks Allaah for martyrdom, Allaah will cause him to attain the status of the martyrs, even if he dies in his bed.” Narrated by Muslim, 1909.
- Make Dua. Ask Allah to help you keep your intentions for Him.

- Okay, I'm going to guess since you turned this question in, you kinda already know all this, but you can’t help wanting ‘the dunya’…
Like maybe you go to the mosque only because you want to get married and you think you’ll find someone there…or you’re working really hard at university only because you’re worried about getting a job/ want to get a super amazing career and not really for Allah’s sake …What do you do?

You turn to Allah. It’s alright to ask Allah to give you the best of this dunya and the aakhirah. Remember, Allah says:
But among them is he who says, "Our Lord, give us in this world [that which is] good and in the Hereafter [that which is] good and protect us from the punishment of the Fire." (Surat Al Baqarah: 201).
Remember, the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam said that if you are to ask- ask of Allah. In surat Al Fatiha we say, It is You we worship and You we ask for help. (5)” .
Rather than directing all your efforts and good deeds in the hopes that you’ll get ‘the stuff on this earth’, just ask Allah to make things easy for you in this world and give you the best. Tell Allah that you know you have NO other Lord but Him, and that no one could give you whatever it is that you want but Him.

 Not your work. Not your good grades. Not your amazing connections/ wealth/etc. If He didn’t will it, you wouldn’t get it. Period.

Come to think of it, the daily morning/evening adkhaar have many references to the 'good of this day/night'- try saying them :) In this way, instead of you focusing on the dunya, you'll know that Allah is taking care of it for you :)

 Just turn your worries and desires into a heart wrenching dua to the One and Only Lord you have =)

Well, sis, these are my small ideas. I hope inshaAllah the readers will provide us with more =D

Verily it is Allah who is The Provider, Bestower, the Guardian and Protector. 


Draw Prophet Mohammed Day.

>> Tuesday, May 17, 2011

What is your response going to be for Draw Prophet Muhammed day?

Asalamu aliakuam!

Good question. I completely forgot about that. I don't think there's too much hype about it this year but my response will be the same response as last year.

Allow me to draw you a picture of him.....by putting up his quotes.

(These animations were created by Little Miss Aunty and I. Please feel more than free to pass them around.)


islam,quotes and sayings,poor


every small deed

a guarantee,quote,Islamic,jannah,palace


Fat, Ugly, and Stupid.

>> Friday, May 13, 2011

Sisters, I need help. I'm 17 years old. I am constantly being called fat, ugly and stupid. I have no one to talk to. I feel so depressed, like I've lost the will to live. I'm sorry for taking up your time, but I don't know who else to tell. I can't afford a therapist and i just have no one to talk to.

Dear Sister,
I was so disheartened to see your letter and to read about what you’re going through! I know you’re not alone, though. Unfortunately, too many sisters have to go through the same thing. There are a lot of people out there (read- usually family members) who think that they are 'encouraging' you to be 'better' by 'insulting you'. They think that will help you ‘become the person they want you to be’. Sometimes, they are geuninely concerned about you but have a lousy way to show it. More often than not, these people haven’t been taught any other way/ didn’t read about how to be an effective parents/ etc. and have their own scars/issues …and unfortunately, they take it out on you.

You end up feeling like you’re not worthy, like a lesser human being.

And let me tell you right now, that’s NOT TRUE.

To each and every one of you sisters who has gone through this, I want to say that I am so proud of you. You are my sister in Islam and I love you. And even if this sounds corny, I’m going to say it anyway (because I bet you haven’t heard it enough): You are one in a million. No, wait, I take that back. You are one in more than 6 billion! You are special and beautiful.

Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala created YOU. You are beautiful- Allah shaped you.

He Who created you, formed you, proportioned you, and assembled you in whatever way He willed (Surat al-Infitar, 6-8)

It’s really important that you believe that.

The truth is having a positive self image and feeling confident makes you naturally beautiful and charismatic. When you think of yourself well, and you carry yourself with pride, your beauty will shine. The opposite is also true- the more that you put yourself down, that you listen to people who discourage you, the more that you begin to look that part. Unfortunately, the more that you look the part, the more that people stop seeing the real you and only see that side of you.

Our self-image, strongly held, essentially determines what we become" - Maxwell Maltz

What can help you make you feel good about yourself?

Think about how important you are in the sight of Allah. The Lord of the Universe- the Supreme Being- Allah, cares even if you feel the prick of a needle.

Remember, this: your blood is more sacred to Him than the Kaaba.

The prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam said "The blood of a Muslim is worth more than the Ka'aba and all its surroundings."

Secondly, remember the story of the companion Ibn Masoud.

Ibn Masoud was not distinguished because of his social status for he was a poor shepherd with no wealth, or because of his physical strength, for he was thin and frail. Yet he was dear and beloved by the Prophet, peace be upon him, who appreciated his sincere devotion and his eagerness for the knowledge of Islam. He once climbed a tree to get a twig for the Prophet, peace be upon him, to use as a miswak. When the Prophet's companions saw his thin legs, they laughed..

The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "You laugh at ibn Masoud's legs! They are in the sight of Allah heavier in the Scale than the mountain of Uhud!" taken from here

What about the story of Julaybeeb? He was another companion of the Prophet. His name actually meant ‘small and incomplete’. Well, Julaybeeb’s lineage wasn’t known. He was poor and he was thought of as being unattractive. Nobody wanted to marry him. One day the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam had a man go to a family with the intention of asking their daughter to marry Julaybeeb. This was the mother’s reaction:

To Julaybib! No, never to Julaybib! No, by the living Allah we shall not marry (her) to him.” she protested.

And yet, the young woman (whom the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) wanted to marry Julaybeeb accepted the proposal. You know what?

Julaybeeb ended up being a martyr in Islam and the Prophet had this to say of him: “…This (man) is of me and I am of him.

You see? Originally people had mistakenly thought of Julaybeeb as being ‘unworthy’. They had no idea what his worth was in the sight of Allah. They had no idea that they were looking at someone Allah was proud of- a martyr!

One last hadith:
A man passed by the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam one day. He sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam asked his companions, “What do you think of this man?’ They replied,‘He deserves to be married to whomsoever he proposes, to have his intercession accepted when he intercedes and to be listened to when he speaks.’ The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam remained silent. Then a poor Muslim man passed by and the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam asked the companions, “What do you think of this man?” They replied, ‘He deserves not to be married when he proposes, nor to have his intercession accepted when he intercedes nor to be listened to when he speaks.’ The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam then said, “This one is as much as the fill of the Earth better than the other” (Bukhaari).

In this hadith, people judged others and essentially belittled them. But look at what the Prophet (sallah Allah alayhee wa salaam) revealed- that these people were much more important, more honorable, more loved to Allah than others had realized.

You see what I’m saying? (Baba Ali style!)

The truth is Allah does not look at our bodies. He does not look at our last names. And He doesn’t care about how much money we have or what grade we are in/ if we're in the Advanced Math Class. Allah looks at our hearts.

Abu Huraira (Radi Allah Anhu) reported Allah's Messenger (sal-allahu-alleihi-wasallam) as saying: "Verily Allah does not look to your faces and yourwealth but He looks to your heart and to your deeds”.

Never forget that. Never forget that you are more than just a number, whether that number is how much you weight, what size you wear, your GPA, your credit in the bank, how many friends you have, etc as Hala Banani from Muslim Matters stated: A person’s self-worth is not based on some number – it’s not how much is in the bank account, IQ, size, GPA or salary. "

It’s also very important that you realize that you are not your history/ your mistakes/ your sins. Those were things that you did-but they are not you. We’re humans and we all make mistakes.

So then what are you?

You are a beautiful soul.

And that’s why I want you to write a list of things that you like about yourself. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s important that you recognize your good values, whether it’s how patient you are or how you help your little brother with his homework. You should be able to think up of at least 10 things that you like about yourself. Whenever you’re feeling a little down, just take out your list and remind yourself of how special you are. You can even talk to yourself in the mirror. Look at that reflection and tell her "You are beautiful. You're going places. You were made to go to jannah!"

If five people call you ugly, then you tell yourself five times that you are beautiful. Don't let others tell you what to think about yourself!

What else can help you improve your self image?

Part of feeling good about yourself comes from accomplishing things. Now, don’t get me wrong- these don’t have to be big things, even getting small things done can make you feel a lot better. So the next step is to try to write a few goals.

Remember, we can all work on some things. What is it about you that you wish you could improve? Maybe you get angry really quickly? Or you say what’s on your mind without thinking? Or maybe you’ve stopped taking care of yourself?

You know yourself best. Write down a few goals on a sheet of paper. I recommend writing it as if you’ve already accomplished it. For example,“I now clean my room without being told”. If you read your goals each day, you should feel motivated to really work on it.

Try to make one goal something about helping out your community….whether it’s helping to babysit a neighbor’s kids or planting a tree. When you see how valuable you are to your community, that should help your confidence grow.

At the same time, I think you need to talk to your family about how you feel. Your family might not realize how hurt you are. If you feel a little shy confronting your parents, why don’t you talk to an older sibling or to a close aunt/ uncle and ask them to let your parents know. You could always write a letter, too. Tell them that you’re open to positive criticism but that you feel like you’re being constantly put down. Ask them to help you improve by supporting you and recognizing what you do well.

To be honest, you still might not see a change in their attitude. If you don’t, always remember that the best person in the entire universe heard hurtful comments and unfair accusations by his own family. As Nouman Khan said, “Who could possibly have any reason to hate the Prophet (sallah Allah alayhee wa salaam)?” And yet, people called him possessed by devils or a person who practiced sorcery.

So anytime you hear a comment (and there isn’t any truth in it), then think of it as an opportunity to gain extra good deeds and to erase some sins. We can always do with more chances to increase our good credit, after all.

And! Remember, you always have someone to talk to. Allah subhanoo Wa' tala.

If My servants ask you about Me, I am near. I answer the call of the caller when he calls on Me. Surat al-Baqara, 186)
I leave you with this,

Their Lord gives them the good news of His mercy and good pleasure, and of Gardens in which they will enjoy everlasting delight, remaining in them timelessly, forever and ever. Truly, there is an immense reward with Allah. (Surat at-Tawba, 21-22)

I love you.


A New Sister!

>> Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Asalaam-u-alaykum :) inshAllah you all are well. I am a new convert to Islam (just a little over two months) and Alhamdulillah I am so happy that Allah opened my heart and chose me to follow his deen. I wear hijab and I just started wearing abaya to school (I’m in grade 12). I stopped listening to music before I converted (it has been about three months now) and after reading your post on Grey’s Anatomy, I stopped watching un-Islamic TV and movies.

I have two main questions for you. The first one is how I should deal with my family. At first, they seemed fine with my decision...saying that I was going to be 18 soon and had to make my own decisions. Then (I guess when they realized that I was serious) they said that I was still too young...I was ‘brainwashed’...I was just doing this to ‘fit in’ with my Muslim friends...that they were disappointed that such an ‘intelligent’ girl would make such a choice...that didn’t I think I was beautiful (most likely in reference to my wearing of hijab)...that it wasn’t normal for someone to start wearing hijab so soon after converting – I was ‘jumping straight into Islam’......

Then came the concerns – why do you have to wear hijab all of the time?...do you know that husbands are allowed to beat their wives?...women are looked down upon in Islam and have no rights...the Prophet (SAW) had 11 wives...he married a 7 year old girl...you will have to kill your non-Muslim family......

After a very uncomfortable week of them sending me emails with articles and youtube videos, silence and then a giant argument/disagreement, it seems as though we currently just do not talk about the fact that I am not going to ‘go back’ to being a non-Muslim and I don’t want to unnecessarily bring up things to start more arguments :/

I was wondering of the general tips and guidelines of how to deal with my non-Muslim family on a day-to-day basis (ie. when things are ‘normal’), when they are bombarding me with ‘concerns’, and what to do about religious / ‘hallmark’ holidays (Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day...etc.)
JazakAllahu khairn for your time. I enjoy reading your blog.
May Allah be pleased with you.
- A New Sister :D

Dearest A New Sister,

Awww, sis, I’m very happy to have met you! Welcome back to Islam and welcome to the family! Wow, already wearing abaya and giving up non-Islamic shows. You’ve got my complete admiration, ma’shaAllah. I pray that each day is easier for you….

Now…on to the question! How to deal with the family….?

Well, before I answer this, let me give you the traditional Auntie disclaimer: as I am not a convert/revert myself, I can only tell you what I think and not necessarily any real experiences. I hope the readers though (converts especially) will pitch in with their advice and stories, inshaAllah =)

Number One- I think it’s important that we acknowledge that your family loves you. And they truly want what’s ‘best for you’. They just don’t know that you’ve already found what is best for you, lol. They’re concerned about you and with the image of Islam in the media- rightly so. Who can blame them for being worried about their darling baby? That’s why the first step in dealing with this is to remind yourself again and again that your parents are really not against you; they are against what they perceive to be an unwise decision. So, you’ve got to meet their worries with a combination of love, patience, logic and reason…..

Since you guys just had a disagreement/ are in a not talking period, break the silence.

Talk to them/ send them an e-mail/ give them a letter/ do something! You guys gotta talk. You can try giving them something like this (but of course I don’t know the facts in your case, this is just a general thing).

“Poppy and Mommy, you guys are the ones who instilled in me all the values I have today. I can honestly say that it’s because of you guys that I believe in the importance of honesty, justice, equality of the races and sexes. You taught me to be good. You also taught me to be a critical thinker- to question and read. You guys believe that I am intelligent, right? You educated me to be my own individual and that's who I am. I would never ever change my religion just because a lot of my friends were Muslims. I didn’t do it for them.

Mom/ Dad…I went on a search for the truth. I wanted to know why I was here, the purpose of my creation. I wanted to know if there was a God and if there was, who was He? I researched a lot and I read a lot…
Islam was the answer to all my questions. It made perfect sense to me. Of course, I didn’t plan on it being the answer- I was also concerned with the rights of women in Islam, the Prophet’s marriages, etc. but when I took the time t read about it, I learned that Islam was something totally different than what the media presented. And I’d love to be able to talk to you guys about that and address your concerns.

But what I want you to know is that I really didn’t do this spontaneously and I certainly didn’t take this decision lightly. I worried about you guys- your reactions- what you would think…but then I realized that I trusted you and I knew you guys would always be there for me and that even if you didn’t necessarily agree with my decision, you would respect my right to making my own decisions.

You guys will always be the best parents any girl could ever have and I will always be your daughter. Nothing will ever take that away. Islam is just my commitment to living a God-conscious life, but I’m still your daughter.
Nothing will ever change that.
And that’s exactly it. You are still their daughter =)

So on a day to day basis, you should (like all of us) treat your parents in the best way possible.

In fact, the Qur’an teaches us how to treat disbelieving parents:
‘We have enjoined upon man goodness towards his parents: his mother bore him by bearing strain upon strain, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.:
"(Revere your parents) But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that if which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do"( 31:14,15)

So basically, I think when things are normal, take advantage of that and hang out with them.

-How about baking goodies with your mom? Having a barbeque with your family? Going to a theme park together? Shopping? Helping out with chores?

-You’re in 12th grade, huh? Does that mean you finished 12th grade or going to it? In any case, college must be on your mind. Talk to them about that. Get them involved in your future plans.

-When your parents come home from work, ask them how their day was. The conversation doesn’t always have to be about Islam or you- let it be about them.

- Before you go to sleep- every night- give them a good night kiss.

When you do these things, you reassure your family that you are still there for them and that Islam hasn’t taken their daughter away :)

As for when they bring up their concerns:

It’s important that you try not to get too defensive….arguments suck and I know that it can be really frustrating when you feel like the other side is not listening to you.

But one thing to remember (and I seriously need a wake up call/ need to be reminded of this) is that ‘shouting’ doesn’t make your message heard.

What you have to do is prepare yourself.

You know what they’re going to ask you about.

-Muslims are terrorists. – Women are oppressed. – etc. etc.

Have a short answer ready. Not something too lengthy because they probably won’t want to listen to that. Something that they can’t argue with.

Just say something like “You know, I thought that, too. But actually the Qur’an says that human life is sacred and who ever kills one person, it’s like they killed all of mankind. Islam’s actually really peaceful. I can show you some verses from the Qur’an.”

Or: “I know you guys are surprised that I wore the hijab but don’t I kinda look like the mother of Jesus, now? Mary?  One thing I was really surprised to learn when I did my research is that even the Bible has stuff about women covering their hair.

(From good old Wikipedia: Genesis 20:16, Genesis 24:65, Numbers 5:18 and Isaiah 47:2 are references in the Old Testament referring to a headcovering for women. 1 Corinthians 11:4-16 contains the only reference in the New Testament referring to a headcovering for women and to an absence of a headcovering for men. Various early Church Fathers, such as Hermas[1], Clement of Alexandria[2], Jerome[3], Augustine of Hippo[4] and Tertullian[5] also mentioned women's headcoverings).

More importantly focus on this fact:
Since nobody is forcing me to wear it and it’s something I personally want and I feel it helps me grow spiritually, is it really such a big problem?”

^Try to always include in your argument how it makes you personally feel. If something makes you ‘happy’, they can’t argue with that. They can’t tell you “no, it doesn’t make you spiritually grow”. LOL.

Try giving your parents this interview with a mother's convert, too :)

When it comes to the holidays…

Now that’s tricky.

It’s important that before Christmas and Easter come, you talk to your family about Jesus alyhee as salam. You need to tell them that you love Prophet Jesus and that he was a messenger of God, born of a miraculous birth and that the Qur’an even has a chapter named after his mother. But you just can’t believe that Jesus was also God and that’s why you can’t celebrate these holidays.

Mother’s Day…that’s tough. Really. I know Muslim moms who get angry at their kids for not celebrating it. One way I try to avoid that is I get gifts for my mom throughout the year so she understands that I love her all year round and not just one day :)

You can try that, too. Surprise them. Even things like making them breakfast in bed. The more things you do for them, the more understanding they will be of your decision.

Be extra kind to them.

Most importantly sis, pray for them. :)

I hope this helps a bit. Sisters please share your experiences and advice :)


Her Precious...

>> Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Asalamu ailakuam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo.

Guest post today by sister Ria. She shares with us the story of the year she lost everything...

Over one a half years ago, I felt like I lost everything. I lost a man that I planned to marry, I was sad not because of he was dead, but because the timing, it was so close to the date and I felt like my dreams was vanished (well, we are woman, a bit dramatic). And friends asking how I feel over and over didn’t make me better. A month after, a huge earthquake hit my city, I lost my business. We got no electricity and water. I have to do the laundry down to the hard flowing river, and take the clothes back up. And my visible skin (face and hands) got so dark, I felt like a zebra. We slept literally outside the house on a mat because earthquake still came to shock us, and to see half parts of the city were destroyed, we didn’t want to be in the house for too long before the contractors said it was safe. So, yes, I felt like I lost everything. I didn’t have money on my own, beauty, comfort, and exact future plan, also if it can be said ‘love’, I lost a loved one too.

Interesting to remember how I didn’t cry much, pretending to be so stupidly strong and act like I could handle everything. More interesting is at that time, I felt like I lost everything so it was a perfect time for me to really practice the theory “happiness is a choice”, “sadness is merely a concept”. Feeling that I have another thing to fight for, my future and my sanity. Everybody was worried about me, even I heard my mother cried to my father, “I’m afraid Ria will go crazy, this is too hard for her”, and listening to my father’s answer really lift up my self esteem, “I raised her to be strong, she is not a weak woman“. There’s nothing we have is truly ours I learned it the hard way. But alhamdulillah, at least I still learned something Allah has been too kind.

That’s why I am so attached to this lecture, the lesson that I learned from it just beyond amazing. Please do watch,

I quote from this lecture,
The statement of Umar bin Khattab r.a, when were tested we were grateful for 3 things,
1. This trial wasn’t in our deen.
2. This trial is not as great as it could have been
3. that Allah subhana wa taala allowed us to be patient in that trial.

In my place, there is a place where there in un-exposed war between two major religions in our country. Not everybody knows it, but we do. It is hard to be a muslim there, I don’t have to explain, I’m sure you know about Palestine, that’s how it looks like. I don’t think my iman is strong enough if I was to be faced with choices to defend my life or defend my religion, astaghfirullah. And that time, I kept reminding myself, this is not that hard, I can get through this.

Few days after the earthquake, we came to know that there was a man, he had 4 children and all of them died. He only found 2 of their bodies. It makes me sad, to know what happened to him, he is now in mental hospital and I am grateful that what happened to me was not that hard. May Allah make his wife strong and grant him with recovery.

It was hard, but I am grateful that I didn’t put myself into traps that will make everything worse. I am grateful that my family was stronger during that time and really being supportive to each other. Allah subhana wa taala had made it easy for me to be strong, stronger than everybody thought I could be.

This morning, I was reminded by the lecture again. A facebook page shared this story.
Al-Hasan ibn Arafah narrated, “I visited Imâm Ahmad ibn Hanbal after he was whipped and tortured. I said to him, “O Abu Abdillâh, you have reached the station of the Prophets!” He said, “Keep quiet. Verily, I saw nothing more than people selling their Dîn. And I saw scholars that were with me sell their Faith.
So I said to myself, ‘Who am I, what am I. What am I going to say to Allâh tomorrow when I stand in front of Him and He asks me, “Did you sell your Dîn like the others did?” So I looked at the whip and the sword and chose them.

And I said, “If I die I shall return to Allâh and say: ‘I was told to say that one of Your Characteristics was something created but I did not.’ After that, it will be up to Him – either to punish me or forgive me.”

Al-Hasan ibn Arafah then asked, “Did you feel pain when they whipped you?” He said “Yes, I felt the pain up to 20 lashes then I lost all feeling (They whipped him over eighty times). After it was over I felt no pain and that day I prayed Dhuhr standing.”

[In fact he prayed as the blood soiled his clothes.]

Al-Hasan ibn Arafah started weeping when he heard what had happened. Imâm Ahmad questioned him, “Why are you crying? I did not lose my Îman. After that why should I care if I lose my life.”

Goosebumps and waterworks… This is very inspiring ♥

Alhamdulillah wa syukur bini’matillah, I do not lose my iman. May Allah subhana wa taala make it easy for us not to have deep attachment to this world,not to love this world too much because real life is later in Hereafter.

Make dua for me people! Much love! ♥


Hanabli/ Shafi/ Maliki/ and what are Salafis?

>> Sunday, May 8, 2011

1.Is it necessary to count ourselves as Hanafi / Shafi'i / Maliki / Hanbali? If yes please give reason

2.Who are Salafis / Wahabbis and Ahle Hadiths.Please give a detail of their belief

-Troubled Muslim

Dear Troubled Muslim,

You have asked some very good questions.

For starters, let me ask you a question.

What do you think the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam was? Did he call himself Maliki? Or Hanabli? What about Abu Bakr As-Siddique? Or Umar bin Al Khattab?

You see, the best person in the world, the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam didn't call himself Shafi/etc. These four Imams came after the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam and they came to interpret his teachings and the Qu'ran and derive fiqh rulings.

Let's take a look at what the Qu'ran says:

And who is better in speech than one who invites to Allah and does righteousness and says, "Indeed, I am of the Muslims." (41:33)

My reward is only from Allah, and I have been commanded to be of the Muslims. (10: 72)

We have been commanded to be "Muslims"- that is to submit to Allah. So, first and foremost, we should count ourselves as Muslims.

This is especially true since we have been commanded to 'stay united'. We don't want to 'break up into different groups'. Islam encourages us to stay together.

And hold firmly to the rope of Allah all together and do not become divided. And remember the favor of Allah upon you - when you were enemies and He brought your hearts together and you became, by His favor, brothers. And you were on the edge of a pit of the Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus does Allah make clear to you His verses that you may be guided. (3:103)

Unfortunately, today, one of the major reasons why there is so much disunity within the Muslim population is because each person believes their interpretation/madhab's interpretation of something is the only one that is right. That is, many people fail to take into account that there may be more than one valid opinion. However, this is not correct behavior-- we should not 'separate ourselves into groups!

That said, I think the real question here is "Do we have to follow a particular madhab?"

I'll let Islam Q&A answer this =)

It is not obligatory for a Muslim to follow any particular madhhab among these four. People vary in their level of understanding and ability to derive rulings from the evidence. There are some for whom it is permissible to follow (taqleed), and indeed it may be obligatory in their case. There are others who can only follow the shar’i evidence. See more here:

2. Who are Salafis / Wahabbis and Ahle Hadiths

That's another very good question. I can't give information on "Wahabbis and Ahle Hadiths" because I don't know too much about them, but I can provide information regarding the Salafis.

The word 'salaf' literally means 'the ones who came before us'. A true Salafi is a Muslim who follows the Qur'an, the Prophet's (authentic) sunnah, and the example of the Righteous Predecessors. A Salafi sticks to the understanding of the Qur'an and Sunnah based on the understanding of the Salaf or Righteous Predecessors.

The question is: Who are the Righteous Predecessors?

We have three specific groups:

  • The first, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and his Sahaabah (companions).
  • The second, the Taabi'een (the followers of the companions).
  • The third, the Tabaa'at-Taabi'een (the followers of the followers of the companions).

But generally, "Salaf" refers to all those who followed the examples of the Salaf (and came before us).

In the famous hadith, it was said:

Allaah's Messenger Sallah Allhaoo alyhee wa salam gave us an admonition which caused the eyes to shed tears and the hearts to fear, so we said, "O Messenger of Allaah, this is as if it were a farewell sermon, so with what do you counsel us?" So he said: "I have left you upon clear proof , its night is like its day, no one deviates from it except one who is destroyed, and whoever lives long from amongst you will see great controversy. So stick to what you know from my Sunnah and the Sunnah of the orthodox, rightly-guided caliphs - cling to that with your molar teeth...." [Ahmad (4/126), Ibn Maajah (no. 43), al-Haakim (1/96) and others - Hasan

So really, every Muslim should be a 'Salafi' in the sense that they should follow these examples and should refer everything back to the example of Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam and his companions.

Unfortunately, though, TODAY, there are some people who call themselves "Salafis" but are not following the example of the righteous predecessors.

As Islam Q&A states:

But some of those who followed the path of Salafiyyah in modern times started to regard as misguided everyone who differed from them, even if that person was correct, and some of them adopted a partisan approach like that of other parties which claimed to belong to the religion of Islam This is something that is to be denounced and cannot be approved of, and it should be said to these people: Look at the way of the righteous early generation (al-salaf al-saalih), what did they used to do? Look at their way and how open hearted they were in the case of differences in which ijtihaad is justified (and differences of opinion are allowed). They even used to differ concerning major issues, matters of belief and practical issues. You will find some of them, for example, denying that the Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) saw his Lord, whereas others say that he did see Him. You will see some of them saying that what will be weighed on the Day of Resurrection is deeds, whereas others will say that it is the books of deeds that will be weighed. You will also see them differing a great deal with regard to matters of fiqh having to do with marriage, shares of inheritance, buying and selling, and other issues. Yet despite all that they did not regard one another as misguided.

See more here....

That's about all the information I can give you. I hope inshaallah this helps clear things a bit and that the readers provide you with good information/links, as well.

Jazak Allah for visiting us.

Your sister in Islam,

(Images from Easel and Ink)


Is it a Sign?

>> Friday, May 6, 2011

I'm in a bit of conffuzling situation. I have gotten a proposal from a good brother, alhamdullah. He is from a practicing family and he is well known in the community. There are a few small differences though that we have that are making my family scared from accepting, but for the most, I'm willing to overlook them because I think deen is the most important thing, inshaAllah. Well, my problem is that I prayed istikharah and I didn't have any dreams or anything that showed me what to do. My mother says she had a bad dream, though. Do I take that as a sign? What counts when it comes to istikharah. I'm very confused.

Dear Confuzzled,

I had the biggest smile when I read your e-mail. You know why?

 It’s because I very much feel for you- am excited for you about at this prospect- happy and at the same time understand the internal dilemma

So, let's get to the root of this.... What should we 'see/ feel' after istikhara? 

Well, while 'our aunties' in real life/ people in the community, talk about signs happening....when it comes to istikhara, you're not actually going to see some "neon Sign" telling you "ACCEPT HIM. Allah says so".

Okay, okay, nobody expects a neon sign, but the truth is, a lot of people think you 'have to get some dream' or something like that. Contrary to what many people believe, that’s not necessary.  The most important thing is for you to ‘move forward’ because in the dua you say, “Take him away from me/ bring him to me if he is good/ bad for me."

It is not necessary in the case of istikhaarah to feel something specific afterwards. Rather if you consult people and think deeply about the matter, and it becomes clear to you that this matter will be beneficial both in religious and worldly terms, then you should pray istikhaarah and go ahead, and not wait for a sign or a dream or a feeling. You should rather put your trust in Allaah and go ahead after praying istikhaarah.

And also: The correct view is that when Allaah makes something easy for you – after having decreed it and accepted your du’aa’ – this is a sign that it is good to go ahead and do it. The existence of obstacles and difficulties is an indication that Allaah is pushing His slave away from doing it. This meaning will be very clear when one ponders the meaning of the hadeeth of Jaabir concerning al-istikhaarah, where the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“… O Allaah, if You know this affair – [and here he should mention it] – is good for me in relation to my religion, my life, and end, then decree and facilitate it for me, and bless me with it, and if You know this affair to be ill for me towards my religion, my life, and end, then remove it from me and remove me from it, and decree for me what is good wherever it be and make me satisfied with such.” 

Another of the myths that are widespread among people is that after praying istikhaarah you should sleep, and whatever good you see in your dream that makes you happy means that what you want to do is good and will be made easy for you, otherwise it is not good.  There is no saheeh daleel (evidence) for this as far as we know. 

The above does not mean that if you feel happy it is not a sign, but this should not be regarded as the only sign about whether or not the matter is good. People often make istikhaarah about something they like or want to do, so they feel happy about it from the outset.

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him) said concerning the matter of feeling happy about something: if he makes istakhaarah, then whatever Allaah makes him feel happy about and makes easy for him, this is what Allaah has chosen for him. (Majmoo’ al-Fataawaa, 10/539).

Read more: http://www.forumpakistan.com/how-to-pray-istikhaarah-t32441.html#ixzz1LYvRbsOU

SO.....the fact that you didn't 'see' a sign doesn't mean anything bad and the fact that your mother had a bad dream could just be her worries playing out in her mind (rather than a 
Divine Message).

All in all- don't refuse him, yet!

Why don't you tell your mom something like "OKay, mom, I see that you're worried. How about you tell me some questions you want me to ask him when we formally meet (with the wali present of course :P)?" Since he is well known in the community, why don't you ask some people about his good qualities/ bad qualities/ etc.? No need to get too hasty. Do some research =)

I hope inshaAllah things go well for you. The Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam did tell us:
 If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied comes to you, then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be disorder in the earth and a great deal of evil."(Reported by At-Tirmidhi and others and classed asHasan)

May Allah give you what is best for you and who is best for your deen, dunya, and aakhirah! May He let the marriage happen if it is best for you =)

Lots of love,

(Icon from Easel and Ink :D the link is on the side of the blog)


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