>> Thursday, March 31, 2011
Bismillah Ar Rahamn Ar-Rahmin,Assalamualaikum,Please help me...The other day when all my friends gathered in my room, they were talking about polygamy. And I don't know why the whole time i'm thinking about it and I'm scard of getting marriedAllah is The Most Wise, and He knows the wisdom behind everything that happens. I'm trying to gain knowledge regarding this issue by watching lecture and through reading. I understand its objectives and the advantages. But why I felt compel towards this?wasalam.Miss Pinky
"Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one." [Al-Qur’an 4:3]
You might be thinking but right now that’s not the case. And my answer for you is that, most Muslim marriages today are monogamous. Remember, polygamy is allowed- that doesn’t mean that everyone practices it. It’s a choice.
Let’s also consider the “non-Islamic” alternatives to polygamy: like having a mistress. Legally, a mistress doesn’t have any rights such as the right to inherit. And if she bore any children, they would not necessarily be given their rights either. (It’s not uncommon to hear stories of adults finding out they have other siblings years later after discovering their father had an affair) But besides rights, it’s a very hidden relationship that involves a lot of deceit and lying. Can you imagine how many times the husband has to tell his wife he has to work late when in reality he wants to go be with his mistress? Then, there are the medical issues- who’s to say how many mistresses a man might have in his life? Sexual diseases have a higher chance when more partners are involved and don’t know about one another. In Islam, there is a limit that cannot be transgressed.
And so, here's the thing. If you worry now about your future husband marrying over you, you're really stressing yourself out for no reason. You haven't met your husband,yet, sweetie. When the time comes, all you'll have to do is discuss the matter with him....ask him if he is intending to engage in polygamy or not. Be honest and frank with him; have a long talk where you let him discuss his thoughts and intentions. Explain that it worries you and that you're not sure how you'll handle that if he wants to do that.
I also want to remind you what we said in an earlier post about fear. We said fear paralyzes us. "What if" is basically Pandora's box. We won't know what will happen until we're actually at that moment.....since we cannot control the future, why let the fear of the future control us? Really, fear keeps us trapped. But if we just say Bismillah, rely on Allah, take a deep breath, make dua, we'll find Allah by our side, and we'll find that hypothetical situations aren't really that scary. For every chance that something will happen, there's a chance it won't. And maybe that it won't be as we think it would be. And a zillion other 'what if's'...:)
I want you to also read sister Megan Wyatt's excellent advice-- What You Fear, You Create.
And as Megan Wyatt said, build up your imaan. Focus on your spirituality. Read more Qur'an. Develop a greater relationship with Allah and you will find peace, inshaAllah.
I hope other sisters can also share their advice/ any great articles/ links, inshaAllah.