Safety, First?

>> Thursday, June 7, 2012

I have something that is REALLY bothering me and this something is REALLY serious.
Hijab. I am in love with hijab. I adore hijab. I think hijab is beautiful. I firmly believe that my Lord has commanded me to wear hijab.
I WANT hijab.
But here's the problem...I've been quiet about this for the most part on the web, but I don't wear hijab yet. And it kills me. Every. Single. Time. I. Leave. The. House. I know what I am doing is  terribly wrong (please throw in a dua for me). Let me explain...
I live in a tiny tiny town with my Mom and Dad. Muslims are slim to nill. There were a couple, but my parents had some rough experiences with the Muslim community in the past and so we kind of broke away from it. I'm pretty sure I am the only Muslim female student on my campus...I know there's brothers, but I don't know them personally.
My parents are very Allah-conscious and have always raised me to be the same. They encourage me to pray, fast, and be a good Muslim and the three of us are trying the best we can despite the difficulties of our situation (and Allah knows best). But there is one thing I cannot seem to make them budge on and that is hijab. They are not against it by any means and in fact, my Mom wants to start wearing it herself as well. But because of our situation, they are extremely worried about our safety and they will not allow me to wear hijab yet. InshaAllah we are planning on migrating to my Mom's country (Malaysia) once I finish my undergrad studies, but that is another 3 or more years and a long time to go without wearing hijab.
I know that hijab is obligatory upon us and I don't feel comfortable that my mom and I are not observing it. I am afraid of the sins we are accumulating every time we leave our house. My parents have good intentions and they want to protect me, but I know that Allah would protect us if we wore the hijab. I have tried so many times to explain to them its importance and they understand it and believe in it. But they just keep saying that we can't do it right now and I don't know how to change their minds.
 I thought about going behind my parent's back and wearing it, but what if they found out? Do they have the power to stop me from wearing it? It is wrong to obey them in this? Should I just wear it? Can they stop me? I don't know what to do anymore dearest auntie. I am single and after Allah my parents are all I have in this place as my family lives so far away. I do not want to disobey them and I know they are just trying to keep me safe with all of the Muslim backlash and with me being a young woman, but it is almost unbearable to live with the knowledge that I am disobeying my Creator. It's a mess, but Alhamdullilah, I look at our brothers and sisters who are suffering and indeed it could always be worse.
But I really need your help. I don't know how to change my parent's minds as they seem to be firm upon their decision. They know that hijab is mandatory and I have read to them from igotitcovered, etc., but nothing changes. I have faith that Allah will help us and I thank Him for guiding me to Dear Little Auntie. It feels so good to just let all of this out.
Any advice you may have will be much appreciated. May Allah grant you the best of this world and the Jannatul Firdous in the next and may He bless you, guide you, forgive you, and be with you always.

wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo,

awww, sister, your email really touched me. I see a daughter torn between wanting to obey her parents and wanting to fulfill her Lord's commands.I see a Muslim girl, although alone in her university, fully aware that she is not alone and that Allah is with her. 

So..what to do?

First of all, from an Islamic point of view, it is entirely okay to wear the hijab behind your parent's back. 
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience if it involves disobedience towards Allaah; obedience is only in that which is right and proper.” Narrated by (al-Bukhaari (7257) and Muslim (1840).  

Let's take an analogy. Imagine your parents were against praying salah.or against reading Quran. Would you obey them? You would probably try and find ways to pray/ read behind their back (just like a convert does).

Does that mean that I am advising you to do it behind their back? Well, I still think you could try talking to them about it again.
This time, don't try to convince them that the hijab is mandatory. They already believe that and they firmly believe that you will eventually do it. What you need to talk to them about is their primary concern: your safety. That should be your focal point.

1. Ask them for a trial period: ask them to try wearing it for one day or two days. Tell them that if you feel that your safety was jeopardized, you won't bring up the matter again...but if nothing happens, could you at least be given the chance to experience wearing it?

2. Tell them the different safety measures that you will be taking: 
a) Agree that you will not go out alone while wearing the scarf
b) Remind them that you will always have your cell phone with you (ready to call if anyone tries to do something
c) Buy things like pepper spray and promise to carry them with you (and other safety products:
d) Ask about taking a self defense course
e) Talk to the security department in your university before wearing the hijab and ask for their protection

3. Research what the violence is like in your city. Have there ever been any recorded crimes against hijab? What actions were taken? If there weren't any problems, why live in fear? 

4. Show them success stories of hijab :) Recently, a young Muslim girl, a graduate of CU Boulder, was photographed with Barack Obama. She was an outspoken member in her university and was known for her commitment to excellence. She was also just chosen to represent the United States of America in a UN meeting this August. All this,while wearing hijab.  

5. Go out and do it. After wearing it for 2 or 3 weeks or even a month, talk to them about your experience with it.

Finally, although I know that you are planning to emigrate to a Muslim country, I thought these verses were a powerful reminder:  

Indeed, those whom the angels take [in death] while wronging themselves - [the angels] will say, "In what [condition] were you?" They will say, "We were oppressed in the land." The angels will say, "Was not the earth of Allah spacious [enough] for you to emigrate therein?" For those, their refuge is Hell - and evil it is as a destination. (97)Except for the oppressed among men, women and children who cannot devise a plan nor are they directed to a way - (98) For those it is expected that Allah will pardon them, and Allah is ever Pardoning and Forgiving. (99) [Surat al Nisa]

When a person is truly oppressed, then they can claim oppression as their excuse not to do what Allah has commanded.
But that is why it is important that you exhaust every method possible before thinking that you can't do it/ you're stuck in a non-Muslim land/etc.

Well, sister, I pray that things are easier for you. May Allah soften your parents' hearts and let the hijab be easy for you.

P.S. Don't forget to start your days with adkhar, too :)
P.S.S. Please note that although I mentioned that young woman who was photographed with Obama, I do not approve of shaking the hands of men.

3 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

HijabRockers June 7, 2012 at 9:38 PM  

I was living in Inverness, Scotland in 2005. I knew there were other Muslim ladies but I've never met one that wears hijab. Instead, there were a couple who tried to talked me out from wearing the hijab after London 7/7(they said for safety purposes), but I wore it anyway.

I went to the town and there were a few boys (maybe about 15-17 y/old) that shouted insults at me and threw things at me while I was walking passed them. They even followed me and said nasty things to me. I was obviously a Muslim because of my hijab, right? I was a bit scared but I walked faster and prayed a lot in my heart for Allah's protection. I was all tears actually.

Then, some guys came out of nowhere and shouted at the boys to leave me alone. They actually chased the boys away and they ran off just the way cowards are.

The guys walked me to the bus station, waited for the bus with me and made sure I boarded the bus back to Isle of Skye.

They're not even Muslims or colored like me (I'm Malaysian). But Allah sent them to help me. I truly believe that when u believe in Islam, and u have full faith in Allah's power, u'll be safe in His hand. InshaAllah.

Wear the hijab, sis. It's what Allah wants. He will protect u. Have faith. =)

Aya Zaki August 8, 2012 at 12:56 AM  

Salam w ra7matuAllah!:))If I may.I was brought up completely against hijab. After almost 19 years, alhamdulilah I embarked on a journey searching for Truth n on it found that covering up brings peace and joy to my heart and is my Lord's commandment. Yet everytime I brought up the subject at home I ended up very sad.Until one day I just couldn't take it anymore and I had to take the leap. Before I slept I kept talking with Allah telling Him everything which He already knows, weeping and reaching out my hands (literally) pleading Him to take my hands and never leave them. I spoke out every fear I had to Him and found myself refuting each one by His power and closeness.Next morning, I woke up n I kept praying.found the dua of fear.and kept on repeating felt like the dua was antidote injection and now mom buys me scarves elhamduliALLAH :). Confess to Him how much u truly trust Him and how much u need His help (physically reaching out my hands truly helped, you feel surrounded by His love and tranquility fills your heart and mind( make the sincere intention, promise you'll stay firm because you know He's always with you and keep your heart and mind engaged n fully aware of the dua that brings the most strength, peace, and hope to your heart. and inshaaAllah it'll be a piece of cake He will send you countless blessings and assistance n with every single atom of fear or worry or pressure you ever went through imagine yourself rising up in Heaven bi'thnAllah :)) ‘ None has the right to be worshipped except Allaah Forbearing. None has the right to be worshipped except Allaah, Lord of the magnificent throne. None has the right to be worshipped except Allaah, Lord of the heavens, Lord of the Earth and Lord of the noble throne. ‘O Allaah, there is no ease except in that which You have made easy, and You make difficulty, if You wish, easy.’‘O Allaah, protect me from them with what You choose.’
Attach your heart to His attribute SWT the Guardian, the Ever Merciful,the Truth,the Source of Peace, the Opener, the Mighty, the Possessor of All Strength, the Loving One :) I know you can do it:))n imagine yourself meeting our beloved Muhammad pbuh n our mother Khadiga may Allah be pleased with her in Firdous telling them about your journey towards being a loving slave of Allah and a strong, beautiful presenter of our deen to a community that knows very little about it :')I love for Allah's sake sister, truly <3
<3 n I ask Him to grant you sincerity, strength, perseverance, peace, complete faith, resolution, freedom and fill your every step and heart with love, ease,light,thankfulness, joy and blessings...and may He bring you closer to Him with every breath ya Raab..Ameeeeeen and to all of ummat Muhammad PBUH ya Rab
"...And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out""And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent." 65:3"And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein" 50:16"Is not Allah sufficient for His Servant?.." 39:36"..." Say, "Sufficient for me is Allah ; upon Him [alone] rely the [wise] reliers." 39:38 Words of Allah the Truth and Great SWT :)<3 <3

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Asalamu aialkum!
Well, what do you think? You know, you're part of the team, as well. Please help a sister out and share your own advice/experiences/etc. One for all and all for one =)
P.S. I reserve the right to remove any disrespectful comment ;)

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