>> Thursday, June 7, 2012
I have something that is REALLY bothering me and this something is REALLY serious.
Hijab. I am in love with hijab. I adore hijab. I think hijab is beautiful. I firmly believe that my Lord has commanded me to wear hijab.
I WANT hijab.
But here's the problem...I've been quiet about this for the most part on the web, but I don't wear hijab yet. And it kills me. Every. Single. Time. I. Leave. The. House. I know what I am doing is terribly wrong (please throw in a dua for me). Let me explain...
I live in a tiny tiny town with my Mom and Dad. Muslims are slim to nill. There were a couple, but my parents had some rough experiences with the Muslim community in the past and so we kind of broke away from it. I'm pretty sure I am the only Muslim female student on my campus...I know there's brothers, but I don't know them personally.
My parents are very Allah-conscious and have always raised me to be the same. They encourage me to pray, fast, and be a good Muslim and the three of us are trying the best we can despite the difficulties of our situation (and Allah knows best). But there is one thing I cannot seem to make them budge on and that is hijab. They are not against it by any means and in fact, my Mom wants to start wearing it herself as well. But because of our situation, they are extremely worried about our safety and they will not allow me to wear hijab yet. InshaAllah we are planning on migrating to my Mom's country (Malaysia) once I finish my undergrad studies, but that is another 3 or more years and a long time to go without wearing hijab.
I know that hijab is obligatory upon us and I don't feel comfortable that my mom and I are not observing it. I am afraid of the sins we are accumulating every time we leave our house. My parents have good intentions and they want to protect me, but I know that Allah would protect us if we wore the hijab. I have tried so many times to explain to them its importance and they understand it and believe in it. But they just keep saying that we can't do it right now and I don't know how to change their minds.
I thought about going behind my parent's back and wearing it, but what if they found out? Do they have the power to stop me from wearing it? It is wrong to obey them in this? Should I just wear it? Can they stop me? I don't know what to do anymore dearest auntie. I am single and after Allah my parents are all I have in this place as my family lives so far away. I do not want to disobey them and I know they are just trying to keep me safe with all of the Muslim backlash and with me being a young woman, but it is almost unbearable to live with the knowledge that I am disobeying my Creator. It's a mess, but Alhamdullilah, I look at our brothers and sisters who are suffering and indeed it could always be worse.
But I really need your help. I don't know how to change my parent's minds as they seem to be firm upon their decision. They know that hijab is mandatory and I have read to them from igotitcovered, etc., but nothing changes. I have faith that Allah will help us and I thank Him for guiding me to Dear Little Auntie. It feels so good to just let all of this out.
Any advice you may have will be much appreciated. May Allah grant you the best of this world and the Jannatul Firdous in the next and may He bless you, guide you, forgive you, and be with you always.
wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo,
Indeed, those whom the angels take [in death] while wronging themselves - [the angels] will say, "In what [condition] were you?" They will say, "We were oppressed in the land." The angels will say, "Was not the earth of Allah spacious [enough] for you to emigrate therein?" For those, their refuge is Hell - and evil it is as a destination. (97)Except for the oppressed among men, women and children who cannot devise a plan nor are they directed to a way - (98) For those it is expected that Allah will pardon them, and Allah is ever Pardoning and Forgiving. (99) [Surat al Nisa]
P.S. Don't forget to start your days with adkhar, too :)