I Failed a Course...

>> Saturday, April 5, 2014

I want to thank you for the great job you are doing. I love your blog and I love your attitudes. I’ll appreciate if you can guide me regarding this feeling I have. I failed one of my subjects in college and had to give it again. Now I’m waiting for the result and when other people tell me they’ve passed, I feel a twinge…I just feel bad. I don’t want to feel this way. It’s bad to have even a small bit of bad feeling in our hearts, right? I want to get rid of it but I don’t know how except for making dua about it.
Love you gals.

Asalamu aliakaum, XYZ!

awww, sis, I can imagine how difficult it must be.

It's like inside you know that you should be satisfied with Allah's decree...but there's this tiny feeling of either disappointment, bitterness or this tiny twinge of jealousy inside...

Alhamdillah that you do not like this twinge and alhamdillah that you are trying your very best to get rid of it.

To be fully honest with you, I had never actually heard any ruling about experiencing just a twinge, so I tried looking it up for you and this is what I found: 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: “Nobody is free from hasad (jealousy), but the noble person hides it whilst the base person shows it.” (Amraad al-Quloob). A person will not be brought to account for whatever crosses his mind, but he will be brought to account for what he says and does. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah will forgive my ummah for their mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari,  2033).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah also said in his book Amraad al-Quloob (diseases of the heart):  “Whoever finds in himself any hasad towards another has to try to neutralize it by means of taqwa (piety, consciousness of Allah) and sabr (patience). So he should hate that (the feeling of hasad) in himself… But the one who does wrong to his brother by word or deed will be punished for that. The one who fears Allah and is patient, however, is not included among the wrongdoers, and Allaah will benefit him by his taqwa.”
It seems to be that if the twinge is just a fleeting thought, you're not really accountable for it. But, on the other hand, if you actually nourish that thought, let it fester and grow, then you have a problem.  
Alhamdillah that you are making dua that Allah helps you overcome it.
Another 'dua' that you can do is, at the moment you hear that someone has passed, say something like "Barakallahu Alaihi (May Allah bless it for him)", and then, ask  Allah to grant you the same. Basically, turn the situation into an opportunity to ask Allah for what it is that you want, rather than to be upset with Allah for what you have been given. Remember that the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam said:
 “Indeed, Allah is Shy and Beneficent. His is Shy when His servant raises his hands to Him (in a du’a) to return them empty, disappointed” [Ahmad]
What else can you do?
*Remind yourself of Allah's Attribute "Al Hakim": The Most Wise. What do we mean by the Most Wise?  We mean that Allah does the proper thing in the proper way in the proper place and the proper time (onislam.net). All that He ordains for you, He does so out of infinite wisdom and it is linked to your absolute good. I know that right now, you may be thinking "It's just so hard to see the good in having to repeat a subject", but did you ever consider: 
- that by repeating the subject, you got to meet other people? Maybe you were meant to meet these other students? Maybe, they were meant to meet YOU. Maybe, there is one student in that class, who doesn't talk that much, but who observes your manners and behavior and is inspired to be a better Muslim because of you. Or maybe, this delay will allow you to cross paths with someone else, later on, that you wouldn't have been able to meet, if you had finished earlier.
In fact, I actually know TWO PEOPLE who ended up meeting their spouses because they failed a course or were delayed in school. One of the persons literally told me, "If I had not failed the 2nd year of of university, I would never have been in any of the same classes as the person..." And the other one had been engaged to someone but because they got held back a year, the engagement ended up being broken, and subhanAllah, later on, the person met someone else and married someone else. 
I'm not saying though that you will meet your spouse. Just making sure none of the readers understand that and suddenly start failing their classes or something. Nu-uh! Not what I mean. What I am saying though is that the qadr of Allah always works out for your own good, and sometimes, what seems like a delay is actually another plan starting/ in motion/working out for you.
Let me give you another point to consider. Let's pretend that this 'course' was not an academic course but a driving test. And you failed it. Wouldn't you think that perhaps you might have gotten in some kind of accident, if you hadn't failed it? That Allah was trying to protect you from something? 
It could be the very same thing in this case, too. Maybe if you had passed right away, you would have grown arrogant or gotten distracted from Allah. Maybe this was meant to bring you closer to Allah, as you learned the important lesson of depending on Him, asking of Him.
Another thing you can remind yourself if you ever feel a little jealous of a friend or bitter is that perhaps there is something that you have that she doesn't. Yes, maybe your friend passed the course right away while you struggled and struggled...but did you ever consider that perhaps she has some other problem to deal with? Maybe she goes home and cries about her weight or looks or even has family problems? It is so easy for us to think that the people around us who have what we want have 'got it so easy', but the reality is that everyone is being tested in this world...and you never know how many tears she cries at night. 
And finally, try following this advice. the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "Do not look to those above you. Look to those below you, as it will more likely remind you of Allah's favors bestowed on you." Think about the people who can't afford an education, can't go to college, don't have the ability to repeat a course, etc. 
I hope this helps you a bit, sis :)

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Asalamu aialkum!
Well, what do you think? You know, you're part of the team, as well. Please help a sister out and share your own advice/experiences/etc. One for all and all for one =)
P.S. I reserve the right to remove any disrespectful comment ;)

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