You guys make good aunties!

>> Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Asalamu ailakuam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo!

Wow, Ma’shaAllah, we had such GREAT replies, I decided to post up my reply so that others would be sure to read your replies and also contribute to our 101 Project. And yeah, my comment in response to your comments was waaaay too long anyways :P)

Jnana, I totally agree. I remember once a da’ee was addressing this issue. He said “Girls, when you are around guys, your faces should be like ‘wood’”….It sounds funny in English but it’s sorta like being an ‘ice princess’. I know a lot of girls think “But he’s going to think I’m so rude if I don’t add him on facebook/ if I don’t stop and say hello and…etc.” but the reality is that it’s really us who sets the limits. If you make it clear from the beginning that you don’t talk to ANY guys, they’ll understand it’s not personal…but once you start with the ‘oh, he’s my brother in Islam, I’ll just smile, let’s just exchange emails, let me ask him about his mother/brother/sister/school/work,” you really can’t ‘stop it’……It’s like ‘friendliness’ opens up (can I say it?) Pandora’s box. It’s best instead to keep your relationships professional.

Oh and always remember that guys are wired differently from girls. There has been a few studies also on how guys and girls interpret each other’s ‘behavior’ and you’ll be surprised to know that many times guys get the signal that you are ‘flirting’ with them, when you really don’t mean anything by it….so again, remember that you might think you are ‘being friendly’ but he ‘might be interpreting quite differently’.

Athoofa, you are so right about having at least one friend that can keep you on the path.

Our friends really do have a huge impact on us. SubhanAllah, the Qura’n even warns us of taking certain people as friends:

On the Day of Judgment, some people will be saying: (O! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger. Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so-and-so as an intimate friend!) Surat Al Furqan.
I love how you said to ‘look outside’. (Uni, try this!!) You know, me, athoofsy. (For those who don’t know, we met on a forum like 5 years ago and have met in real life, alhamdillah..I wuv her!!)…I also looked to Islamic forums and found a lot of support there. I also learned a LOT of things. Yes, I did waste some of my time, but I believe wasting my time there was a lot better than wasting my time in other things.

Not only that, but I want to tell my sisters this—if you aren’t the best Muslim that you can be, what you can try doing is LOVING someone (hey, we’re talking halal honest sisterly love) who you think (inshaAllah) is a really good Muslimah. Love someone for the sake of Allah….the reward is unbelievable. Remember what the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhaee wa salam said? He said that we will be in paradise with who we LOVE!

Also, there's the hadith of Mu'adh who said that the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said:

"Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) said: 'Those who love one another for My glory, will have minbars of light, and the Prophets and martyrs will wish that they had the same." [Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan sahih hadith]

In another hadith "we are told that Almighty Rabb will greet those who love each other for His sake on the Day of Resurrection and say to them: "Where are those who loved one another for My glory? Today I will shade them in My shade on the Day when there is no shade but Mine." (Muslim)

Alhamdillah, I was able to meet and discover many sisters online that I truly love simply for His sake. In real life, I mess up, a LOT, but I hope that this love for these sisters will help me be in a better place, inshaAllah. Try it, y’all. It won’t hurt, inshaAllah. (OH and please try to stick to segregated forums.)

Jazaki Allah also for posting the wonderful hadith about strangers and all the links. We are the strangers :D

Uni, you don’t sound like a hypocrite to me! I think each and every one of us has something we need to work on…. Wearing hijab doesn’t mean that you are perfect. Not at all! If that was the case, none of us would wear hijab! Wearing hijab means that you believe in Allah and you are trying to submit to this particular commandment. We are all a work IN progress!

As for being lonely (besides trying online forums), have you tried going to the Masjid? Are there any conventions held in your area? How about ‘planning an event’ at your masjid? Show up on Fridays, say salaams, and then put up a sign that you’re going to have a girlie halaqah. You can just buy some c.d.s (like Muhammed Al Shareef’s)or you can research a topic and present the halaqah yourself. I bet you there are sisters there who are just as lonesome as you and wishing for better company. You just need someone to take charge!

I also wanted to show you this hadith:

Narrated Buraydah ibn al-Hasib:

I met Abu Bakr. He said: Who are you? He (Hanzalah) said: Hanzalah has turned out to be a hypocrite. He (Abu Bakr) said: Hallowed be Allah, what are you saying? Thereupon he said: I say that when we are in the company of Allah's Messenger we ponder over Hell-Fire and Paradise as if we are seeing them before our very eyes. When we are away from Allah's Apostle we attend to our wives, our children, our business; most of these things (pertaining to the after life) slip out of our minds. Abu Bakr said: By Allah, I also experience the same. So Abu Bakr and I went to Allah's Apostle and said to him: Allah's Apostle , Hanzalah has turned to be a hypocrite. Thereupon Allah's Apostle said: What has happened to you? I said: Allah's Apostle, when we are in your company, we are reminded of Hell-Fire and Paradise as if we are seeing them with our own eyes, but whenever we go away from you and attend to our wives, children and business, many of these things go out of our minds. Thereupon Allah's Apostle said: By Him in Whose Hand is my life, if your state of mind remains the same as it is in my presence and you are always busy in remembrance (of Allah), the angels will shake hands with you in your beds and on your paths. However, Hanzalah, time should be devoted (to the worldly affairs) and time (should be devoted to prayer and meditation). He (the holy Prophet) said this thrice.

Random, your comment was so beautiful. Reach out to Allah. No matter what. No matter what you did/ who you were….reach out even if you sometimes feel like your imaan has gone totally down and you will find that He will answer you. What you wrote reminded me of this verse in the Qur’an:

And [He also forgave] the three who were left behind [and regretted their error] to the point that the earth closed in on them in spite of its vastness and their souls confined them and they were certain that there is no refuge from Allah except in Him. Then He turned to them so they could repent. Indeed, Allah is the Accepting of repentance, the Merciful.

We run away from Allah’s wrath by running to HIM. We run to His Mercy. He is our Refuge. For those who have not read or heard before the ‘story’ behind these ayaat, try to read them. It’s the story of Ka’ab bin Malik….(somebody post a good lecture/article on it, hehe)

Let me share this with you guys, as well.

One of the companions during the Prophet's time was an alcoholic. Abd Allah, in fact, would often become so drunk that he had to be brought staggering through the streets before the Prophet (peace be upon him) to be sentenced for public drunkenness, and each time, the Prophet would rule to have the prescribed punishment carried out. This was a common occurrence.

After `Abd Allah had departed from one of these all too frequent sentencings, one of the Companion's declared about `Abd Allah: "O Allah curse him! How often he is summoned for this!"

The Prophet (peace be upon him): rebuked that Companion, saying: "Do not curse him, for I swear by Allah, if you only knew just how very much indeed he loves Allah and His Messenger." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (6282)] He then added: "Do not help Satan against your brother." 

Anonymous teen, what you said is sooooooooooo important. Stop caring about what others think. You know why? When it’s all said and done with, a part of you will feel unhappy/bad/rotten if you do something ‘wrong’ or don’t do something right (don’t pray/ don’t wear hijab) just to please others. That’s the way Allah created us. He created us with a desire to submit to Him. When you do something that isn’t really Islamically correct to please those around you, you will never be 100% happy. It’s like there’s this ‘pin bursting your little bubble’.

It’s only when you try to please Allah that you will taste real happiness. I remember when we were in 12th grade and the girls were all talking about going to Prom. (Muslim girls) It was hard, but I told them that I would not go. I sent an email to one girl who was even ‘planning’ the prom itself, explaining why I would not go. To my shock she wrote back and said “I truly respect you”. 

Now that was AWESOME. Why? Because I gained her respect by not compromising Allah’s orders. If I had compromised Allah’s orders she might have laughed with me/ we might have picked out our dresses/etc. but that ‘fun’ wouldn’t have lasted long and more importantly I would not have respected myself. I would have ‘sold Allah’s contract with me…His Love and Protection’ for the price of a something that really wasn’t worth it.

Actually your comment about being a happy loner and not caring what others think reminded me of this poem I wrote for a friend of mine who expressed that she did want to go to prom and hang out with the ‘those girls and just see what they do.” I thought I'd share this just in case somebody else here is struggling....

We were ‘ friends’,
But they never came along,
And they never said hi,
And they never listened,
And they never cared,
And we…well we could have cared less.

But it would have been nice,
Just to have been invited for once,
Just to have known everything that they do,
Just to have seen them do whatever it is that they do,
Just to have gotten dressed up,
And made fun of everything they do.

But you and me,
We were meant for something better,
We were meant for something special,
You and me,
We’re not just ordinary folk,
Our father was a prophet (Adam alyhee as salam),
And well…we’ve got a test from Allah,
That we need to ace.

So while they’re out partying,
And maybe having some fleeting fun,
And we’re home away from their music and dancing,
Know that we’re the special ones.

You and me,
We’re walking toward a garden of Delight,
We’re racing toward eternal bliss
And well…they,
they could care less.
You and me,
We don’t need them
We’ve got Allah on our side,
And to Him,
Do me and you Belong.

 As for my advice for teens- write about religion. Blog about it. keep a diary. Don't think of Islam as something you 'inherited'. Live it :) Also , like athoofa said, watch videos and lectures.

As for the question on how to give nasiha, I'd say "Give it, but ask yourself how would you like to be 'told' about your sins and how to correct them"? Allah told Prophet Moosa to be gentle with Firawan! I'm sure none of our friends are as bad as Firawan, right? So be gentle. At the same time, just do it. I know I need to work on it, myself. Online it's easier than offline :P 

Okay, y'all, keep your ideas coming in.....

6 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

Anonymous,  November 23, 2010 at 3:11 PM  

very lovely post dear aunties ~

Anonymous,  November 23, 2010 at 7:28 PM  

Thank you so much for your adivce. I'll take it into consideration next time.

Salaams from The Happy Loner. :)

Anonymous,  November 23, 2010 at 7:33 PM  

Oh and Do you by any chance know any really good sisters only forums?

Again from the Happy Loner.

Uni November 24, 2010 at 12:46 PM  

Jazakillah for the advice.. :) its very much appreciated.

Basically, Im from Pakistan. So there is no concept of Masjid (for sisters), or halaqahs, or anything of the sort. We all pray at home... and that's it.

Um, forums are a great idea. But those are virtual friends, not real.. you can't TALK to them. And my mum constantly says I shouldn't sit online so much. But er, what else am I supposed to do... I don't enjoy cooking, housework and whatever. SO I surf, do homework, check out blogs, and er, generally waste time. I just feel no sense of accomplishment in these things you know.. like they might not be BAD things (blogging and stuff), but it's not like real people out there doing real work... :$

Sorry for the long comment. Just wanted to explain the predicament a lil more. JazakAllah sooo much for your words.

Fouzia Arif December 4, 2010 at 5:58 AM  

dear little auntie......... i wuv you big tym :p

Little Auntie December 10, 2010 at 6:25 AM  

R.A. Jazaki Allah koli khair

Blue stocking <3 awwww, I wuv you, too :)

The happy loner! I took so long to reply to this comment because I wanted to post this list I had seen once of "Muslimah forums"-- only I ended up not finding it (and postponing replying, LOL). So recommendations...

Well: I've heard lots of sisters recommend

Islamway Sisters but that's blocked where I live (KSA), so I can't give you the link (LOL).

There is also: Cafe Muslimah:

And also: MSU (Muslim Sisters Unite)

If you're into graphics, you could also always join the Muslimah graphics forum I am on (I'm always putting up their graphics here):

There's also "The Wonderful BookRoom" if you want to read good books/articles:

Uni, I totally get your predicament! In some ways, it is 'more' tough when you're in a Muslim dominant country because everybody just 'does their own thing'...there isn't like a focus on 'making community activities'.

You know, it's really great though that you are so concerned with how you spend time. I think maybe you can think of TWO small things you can 'add' to your daily for ex. praying witr or praying duha. Try doing them for one month..then add one more per month. By the end of the year, you would have added '12' daily Islamic activities to your schedule! What do you think?

(Man, I need to do that myself!)

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Asalamu aialkum!
Well, what do you think? You know, you're part of the team, as well. Please help a sister out and share your own advice/experiences/etc. One for all and all for one =)
P.S. I reserve the right to remove any disrespectful comment ;)

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