I can't stop looking at it....

>> Tuesday, December 7, 2010

I keep committing the same haram sin again and again. I repent afterwards but now I feel like giving up. I need to know how to stop. I've heard that it is like committing Zina with my eyes.

(the sin is looking at haram photos and videos)

How do i stop my self?

Dear "In Need of Help",

Wow, your email came to me exactly at the right time. SubhanAllah, I almost didn't believe it when I saw what the email was about! Do you know that right now, at this very moment, there is a campagin to help Muslims all over the world with this problem?  I mean like TODAYZERS (my own word :P).

So, YEAH, NO, do not give up. If anything, that you would turn this question in at this time is really a 'miracle' or a 'sign' that Allah wants you to repent and continue. He is guiding you, my sister! You can do it!!

Before I continue, let me just tell you that, I JUST received an email telling me that there will be a live webinar (today) on this very topic. I didnt' get to write as good of as an answer as I would have liked, but I didn't want to delay posting this up any longer (so you don't miss the webinar).

EDIT: For those who missed the webinar, check out his video called 
Hey, it beats watching something else. Watch it. Begin the journey to recovery, inshaAllah. 

Here *were* the details:

Asalam Alaikum Friend,

In a few hours, I'm hosting a very important webinar sponsored

by ProductiveMuslim that you can join as my guest.

The teleseminar is called: Self-Sabotage: How Addiction Is Holding

You Back From Productivity And Success.


Here is a small preview of the points I will try to cover on this webinar:

Learn how to free yourself from the habits, feelings and compulsions

that hold you back from your full potential...

Hear a story of a Muslim who discovered the scary link with his success

and his increased usage of addiction, and why this was happening...

Understand the BIGGEST obstacle facing Muslims who want to overcome

sexual addiction, and what to do about it...

The webinar is at 11:30 am Los Angeles Time
2:30 pm New York Time
7:30 pm UK

so save this link right here, and sign in at least 10 minutes early to get a line if you want to

listen in by phone.


Also, we have just opened registration for the Purify Your Gaze

program, you can read about what will be covered inside of it,

if this is something you are considering joining or want to share

with others:


Check out the program details and if you have any questions about it make sure to ask

me on the webinar in a few hours.

Enjoy, and I'll talk to you in a few hours on the webinar.

Zeyad Ramadan

Imancipate, P.O. Box 815, Lake Forest, CA 92630, USA

Inshallah, this will provide you with all the right and necessary steps to take to 'purify' your gaze and stop.

I will of course also give you some ideas here, but before that, I want to address your your issue about repenting. Sweetie, let me tell you something I learned from an expert on 'the human mind/psychology', Dr. Ibrahim al Fiqy. He said that the human mind is ALWAYS successful. WE have been wired to achieve what we 'want to achieve' and what we 'tell ourselves that we will achieve'.

The problem is that if you tell yourself that 'you can't stop', you know what your brain does?

It does EXACTLY that. It doesn't stop.

If you keep saying "I'm going to fail at this," guess what? You end up successfully failing at it.
If you label yourself as "a hopeless case", "never going to stop", you ultimately give yourself the license to 'sin'.....so of course, your brain isn't going to work on achieving what you have convinced it is impossible.

But if you tell yourself, "I can do this. With Allah's help, I can overcome any sin. Nothing is greater than Allah. It is possible. I will do this...." you will do it :) Yes, you will!

Man has invented the airplane/ the mobile/ has been to the moon. You are capable of achieving great things and being the BEST you....

But you have to do believe that you can do it! You have to ignore Shaytan who is trying to get you to not repent. Just turn to Allah and ask Him for His help. Ask to be forgiven and inshaAllah you will be-

Hadith Qudsi 34:
Allah the Almighty said:
O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it.

The next thing you got to do is 'take out the television from your room' (if you have one in your room.) Yup, just like how a person who is addicted to smoking would throw out any 'cigarettes he had, you have to do the same thing...

If the stuff you watch is on your laptop, you need to
a) delete it. You also need to 'block' any of those websites from opening again:

**********I got the following techinque for you from a Mom's webiste on how to block sites ******
Step 1: Click the Start button on your computer and select Run. Now type the following text in that Run box:

notepad c:\WINDOWS\system32\drivers\etc\hosts

Step 2: You will see a new notepad window on your screen containing some cryptic information. Don’t panic. Just goto the last line of the file, hit the enter key and type the following: (for example) orkut.com website

Save the file and exit. That’s it. None of the sites will now open on your computer. (inshaAllah!)

You can block as many websites as you like with the above technique.

b) remove any passwords you have put on your laptop. Anybody should be able to 'open your laptop' and see what sorta things you have. No 'secret files'.....

c) Actually, I just thought of something. You can have a log in password if it's not YOURs! You ask your sister or brother (that you're close to) to put a password on your computer. You can just say that you're wasting waaaaaaaaay too much time on your computer and you want to control that. In this way way, you can never go on in the middle of the night and be tempted to watch something you wouldn't want anyone to know that you are watching.....It's not like you're going to ask your sis/bro to log onto the computer at 2:00 a.m., right? So again your are 'controlling' your 'free time'...

d) One of the brothers on the "Purify your Gaze program" said that he started a log book. Every day that you don't watch something bad, you write down in the book. Remember, the year is only made up of like 52 (or is it 54?) weeks? That's not that much, right? Again,  you can do it!

e)Realize your 'schedule'- when is it that you usually watch it? Is it at night? If so, do a LOT of exercise during the day so that you're tired at night. Stand up and pray several rakahs of Qiyam al layal. Keep yourself busy. As much as possible, do not be alone for the first while....

f) Have an emergency 'exit'- What are you going to do when you feel like watching it? Maybe you could have some Islamic lectures on standby ready to listen to? 

g) Put up an Islamic reminder on your desktop of your laptop. Put a verse in the Qur'an that 'scares you' or that makes you remember that Allah is right there, watching you watching whatever you're watching. You can even write something like: “Allah is with Me. Allah sees all that I do.”

Well sis, I've got to run (but I really wanted to post this before the webinar ended) and I may not have given you many ideas but inshaAllah you will find all the inspiration you need at purifyyourgaze.com. I also hope our readers can help us with their tips/ideas/thoughts, inshaAllah.

May Allah make things easier for you and cure you entirely of this addiction =)  InsahAllah soon, you will be a new you!

Lots of love,
Little Auntie

[p.s. Excuse the typos please. I'm on an ancient computer!]

5 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

MoOn December 7, 2010 at 12:10 PM  

This was wonderful advice Mashallah, I loved the post

NeverEver December 7, 2010 at 7:06 PM  

excellent, mashaAllah

some people have a lot of issues discussing sensitive topics and it is only to the detriment of those people who are suffering.

So thanks for the post!!

farh December 8, 2010 at 1:46 AM  


Well, I read this post just now and the webinar is over :(

I so so want to listen to! Is there a recording of it or something?

Or can dear-little-auntie post the snippets of the webinar?

Little Auntie,  December 8, 2010 at 10:45 AM  

Jazakum Allah koli khair, sisters :)

Farh, honestly, I missed the webinar, myself. My problem is that the timing just didn't work for me (since I live in KSA). It was like the middle of the night and I had to wake up really early today for work ;)

BUT, what I'm going to do is 'edit' my post and share a different link that might help those who missed the webinar :) (To be honest, my internet is super slow right now so I didn't get to watch the whole video, but I did read through a lot of the comments and many people said it helped them/ really made things click for them...)

Amna March 29, 2011 at 6:04 AM  

You aunties are doing a really good job, mashallah.
Here's something i'd like to share too, to answer the question..


The name of the book is "Sexual Problems of Youth".
Please, read it and if you can, forward it to other youth, we may never know who's suffering from sexual perversions. Most likely, the sufferers cannot even discuss these issues with anyone. So, it's good.
May Allah[swt] reward Ayatollah Makarem Shirazi[ra] immensely for this great service.
It solves a lot of issues of youth.

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Asalamu aialkum!
Well, what do you think? You know, you're part of the team, as well. Please help a sister out and share your own advice/experiences/etc. One for all and all for one =)
P.S. I reserve the right to remove any disrespectful comment ;)

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