Misunderstood

salamualaikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuhu little Aunties
Bismillah.
i speak slowly so i can understand myself and make sure others to do. My dad does not understand me. I try my best to understand him, but he does not try at all. He calls me stupid when i try my best. He says im a bad muslim even though i know im becoming a better muslim. I reaally try my best to be my best muslimah, but he doest care. He calls me stupid so much that sumtimes i believe it. He cuts me off before i can talk to him. And when he is with my friends he is so nice untill he gets home. I get very sad. my dad seems to love everyone except for me. i never do anything wrong to him and i am extra carefull all the time, i dont know y he hates me. When i put on jilbab he acused me of doing it for the wrong reason.When i go online to learn about islam he accuses me of going online for other reasons. He does not trust me. i have a sister who hangs out with the wrong croud and mingles with boys, but my dad is so nice and gentle with her. He calls me stupid all the time, but i try my best not to be stupid. How do i get my father to understand me? please answer ASAP. i really have nobody else to tell this too.
~misunderstood

Dearest Misunderstood,


Wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa baraktoo,

Your e-mail broke my heart. It really did.

First of all, I want to reassure you that you are not stupid. You are not!

Unfortunately, as we said in an earlier post, a lot of parents have this 'backwards' idea that calling their children "stupid" will motivate them to be 'better". That's obviously not right. Your dad is wrong in calling you this. Absolutely wrong.

Everybody is intelligent but not everybody is intelligent in the same way. You have to realize that intelligence isn't something necessarily measured by school grades. There are lots of different kinds of "intelligences". There's emotional intelligence, social intelligence (interpersonal skills), spatial intelligence, etc. It's not fair of your father to judge you by 'one thing' only (e.g. math grades).

Let me tell you about myself personally. I was one of those nerdy nerds at school. Give me a word problem/ a book to read and I'm happy. But give me a hands on science experiment and I'm lost. Seriously, I can barely 'use keys', have a problem with putting staples inside a stapler (I'm not kidding), and am absolutely horrible with little paper crafts and origami things and a zillion other things. And you know what? When I tell people I have a problem with reading a normal clock and all those other things, people think I'm "stupid".

But it's unfair. It's unfair of them to judge me by the things I'm not good at. All of us have something we need a little extra help in and other things, we're very good at. And that's why, I want you to stop believing that you are stupid.

Stop it.

Right now.

You are a beautiful intelligent young woman. NO matter what anyone calls you.

Like Shakespeare said, does calling a rose by any other name change the rose? If I call a rose ‘garbage’, does that change the rose/ or its essence? NOPE, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.

Whenever your father says "stupid' and when he treats you differently from how he treats your sister and your friends, his actions and his words are not a reflection of you. His words are not a reflection of how intelligent you are/ how beautiful/ whatever...whether you're a good daughter or a bad daughter/ a good person or a bad person.

His words are a reflection of him and, and I'm sorry to say this, but his very bad parenting skills.

That said, I can't promise you that your father will understand you....

But one thing you can work on is clearly communicating to your father all that you're trying to do to improve yourself. Show your father all the steps you're taking to tackle any weak subjects/ difficult areas for you.

- Like if you've arranged for a friend to tutor you, tell him that. If you use a website like "Khan Academy" or "Sparksnotes" or whatever, tell him that you've found some helpful sites and you're doing better. Take practice tests/ do practice questions and tell him if your scores are improving.
- Get to know your strengths with a guidance counselor- if possible- and make a plan of action for your weaknesses
- Ask your teachers to recommend some books for you and go out with your father and purchase them....Or ask them for extra assignments and tell your dad....
(Be sure to also read our link:http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2011/03/failing.html)

And tell him that you need his positive support....and that your feelings are hurt when he calls you stupid.

As for being a "bad Muslimah", hunny, I'm very sorry that he calls you that. Just from reading your letter, I felt that you were really trying...I mean you wore jilbab, ma'shaAllah!

The truth is that your father is sending you mixed messages. First, he tells you that you are a bad Muslimah....Then, when you try to be a good Muslimah, he accuses you of things. No wonder you're all confused and miserable!

You need to tell your dad clearly, "Dad, I'm trying to be a better Muslimah. I've joined a few websites to learn more about our beautiful religion. You're welcome to read them with me...join them, too".

-Try forwarding him some nice articles you read and sharing interesting hadiths with the family. Maybe he sees the stuff you're reading, he'll be more reassured.

It's really unfortunate that your father treats you differently from how he treats everyone else. Do you think that maybe can you try writing a letter to him? And telling him in gentle terms how much you long to have a better relationship with him?

Can you try and find some connection and common ground with your father? Maybe try reading some Qur'an with him or praying with him? You could also watch the news with him and ask him his opinions about something. Try building a relationship not only on your grades/school work, but broadening it a bit.

Most importantly, keep making dua and never losing hope. Believe in yourself...spread your wings and SOAR :)

InshaAllah things will get better. Lots of love!

p.s. if you're on a mixed forum, I would suggest going to an all female Muslimah forum :) I've found them to be a lot better, Islamically :D

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Before you become his wife/ move in

Asalamu aliakuam!
May Allah bless you all for this wonderful blog. I just want to ask you regarding marriage. It is said that we must prepare our mind and spirit for the tremendous responsibility after marriage. This is because some of us enter into marriage with the hope that everything is going to be like in 'cloud seven' or just 'love and fresh air' and everything else is going to be taken care of...hehe..that's true but due to having lack of knowledge and preparation of the responsibilities could detriment the marriage in the future. Can you please help me in what should I prepare myself with and how? :) And I want to ask if the spouse is from different culture, what do i have to prepare myself to face the 'cultural gap' between the spouses.

Jazakillah khayran for this & sorry for the trouble.
Love you for Allah sake

Sister Muffin

wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo!

Dear Sister Muffin!
My little cupcake! Mabrook on your engagement and upcoming marriage :) You know I hesitated to answer this question because...well...we're not married....I mean, not a single one of us, hehe, and so the most we can offer you is 'theoretical advice' rather than advice founded on experience and real knowledge. I was almost going to turn this question down, but then decided I would give it a shot and count on our lovely readers here to share their insightful wisdom, inshaAllah. hint. Hint. Hint :P)...

So...
How does one prepare themselves for marriage?

Well, to fix the whole "It's going to be all rosy/whatever", I would say we have 3 things we need to look into (after reading about marriage from an Islamic point of view and understanding the obligations upon you).

1. YOU
Get to know yourself.
I don't mean "Hi, what's your name" kinda thing (now that would be bonkers, hehe, even for Little Auntie, here :P).

What I do mean is really look into your soul. Do some soul searching.

• Do you have a bit of a temper?
• Is there something that you've seen in marriages around you that worries you about marriage? Is there some hidden fear you have? Can this 'fear' affect your own marriage?
• What are your spending habits? Are you a spender? Is there a void you're trying to fill?

In essence- do you need closure on something? A lot people think that once they get married, they'll be starting a new life and that maybe even their husband/wife will be their free therapist or that their problems will magically disappear....

But actually, darlin', chances are that if you need to get closure on something, it's not going to go away but make itself right at home in the middle of your married life. Your fears/worries/ will resurface in different ways again and again in marriage.  Now, that, my little friend, can result in chaos, if not properly handled. So why not take the time now to 'understand yourself more', 'what drives you', 'what scares you', and 'why you react to certain things in certain ways'?

What else?
Well, we do a LOT of things automatically, without even thinking. Get to know these things.


For example: when I come home from work, I have a habit of running into my room, changing my clothes, and leaving my (stinky, hehe) abaya, niqab and khimar on the bed.

Now, while I might not care about the 'pile' of clothes I end up having on my bed, a future hubby might. He might get really irritated by this habit.

Here's another one (for some reason, I've decided it's "Let's Embarrass Little Auntie day or something). Sometimes, I decide to brush my teeth outside of the bathroom, even in my own bedroom. I brush for a bit and then run to the bathroom and rinse. (You can lay it down to the fact that the bathroom isn't that big)... The point is, that is something that might seriously disturb a husband- seeing his 'little bride' with foam in her mouth ;)

So what I would suggest is writing down your daily schedule and writing down some of your habits. What are some things your hubster- or any room mate, including yourself- might not like? What are some things you can improve right now? I suggest making a list of 10 things.

Think of everything and anything. Granted, there will be some things that are just 'eccentric/cute/you"- I'm not telling you to completely change yourself but to look at yourself from an outsider's point of view and see what might 'annoy' someone about you . Choose 4 or 5 of these things in the list and think about what you can do to possibly fix these things. 

There will also be things out of your control. Take my allergies. Because of my allergies, I suddenly cannot have the a.c. or fan on for more than a few minutes. My brother complains I keep the house a 'sauna'....This is something that could 'annoy a husband' but I have been given strict doctor orders as well, so it's something really not in my control. It's just something I have to learn to deal with/live with and so does Mr. Husband.Do you have anything like that?  Let your husband know before hand. And learn to live with them and make peace with them.



2. Him
- The next thing you need to prepare yourself with is getting to know him more...first as a man in general and second as 'your man'...Understand that he will be different from your 'girl best friend'.
- Read more about differences between men and women in terms of communication, problem-solving, needs, reactions to stress, etc.
- Then, once you've signed the Nikah (but presumably haven't moved in, yet), get to know more about your husband. Ask him things, spend time with him, etc. What does he like? Not like? His biggest pet peeves? What makes him anxious? What's his daily schedule like? When does he hang out with friends? etc.
-Consider the fact that he has his own daily habits and style and that these may 'clash' with yours...(Ask yourself how will you deal with it, if he insists on drinking from the milk carton, for example?)

3. Cultural Differences
So, it seems like you're from different cultures. There are a lot of things to consider there.
a.Do you speak the same language?
b. What cultural expectations does he have of a wife? What is his understanding of the relationship between his wife and her in-laws? Does he expect you to live together? Visit often? Etc.
c. What culture will your children follow?
d. What are you going to do if you have differences in child-up bringing. (E.g. your culture thinks that children and their parents should be friends and his culture thinks that children and their parents should have a relationship based on 'respect')
e. Day to day differences:
- What kinds of food does he prefer? Spicy? Mild?
-
f. What are some cultural red flags that you have/ that he has?

Basically, to bridge the gap, you need to discuss things with him and read more about his culture.

These are 'starting points' for you to work on....

What else? How do you prepare yourself for the responsibilities of marriage?
-Try budgeting with your parents for a month.
-If you have some nieces and nephews, take care of them....for an entire day without their parents. How comfortable are you around children? Once you've signed the nikah, you guys could even baby sit together. (Just to give you a taste of what's in store).

- Find out what time your hubby will leave for work and try waking up and making breakfast at that time :P
-Ask married friends and relatives!





InshaAllah the other sisters will share their much needed experiences!

Lots of love,

p.s. just for fun, you're also welcome to share any personal 'quirks'/ 'eccentricies' in the comments section ;)

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The 6 Questions Rule.

Asalamu ailiakum wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo,

Sisters, I have to apologize. I have to apologize to all the people we've taken just WAY TOO long to reply to. I feel like we owe you a big apology and explanation. You see, Little Auntie (that's me :P) and Miss Aunty actually ended up moving countries (from KSA to Egypt) and so we had to look for new jobs, settle in, that kinda thing. Xahu, the newest auntie to join, also moved houses, as well. Remember the so called vacation? From July to August? Yeah, it wasn't really a vacation, after all....

And then, Ramadan came....and then....well.....

NO more excuses.

Let me just say....

We're sorry!

 You guys deserve to have your questions replied to or at least an e-mail/reply that we're working on it.

Our problem though is the amount of e-mails we get. And somehow...all of us aunties get busy at the same time. So I realized that the only way this is going to work is if we have a limit. From now on, we're only going to take 6 questions a month. That way, every 5 days, we can tackle a question. That's enough time to answer properly and not get behind on things...

I hope! inshaAllah!

So, from now on, please look under the blog title  to see how many questions have already been turned in. Once we reach 6, I will remove the contact page....

I hope this system will work..and inshaAllah if we find ourselves with free time...able to answer more, we'll let y'all know :)

Jazakuun Allah khair for your patience and understanding!

Lots and lots of love!

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Public High School.

Asalamualaykum aunties,

I have recently moved to public school and i'll say it right out. I HATE IT! i mean, first the whole girl and boy thing, then, the teachers are JUST CRAZY! people bug me about my attire(hijab and jilbaab) and i am getting really fed up with it. i can't concentrate. i feel like crying all the time. i know i am complaining which is not a characteristic of a muslim but i am just soooooo ugh! i am soo mad at myself. i hate this school, i hate everybody. sometimes, i feel like throwing stuff at someone. every night i go to sleep crying and i wake up crying. i dread mornings sooo much so that i wish i were dead or something.

desperately in need of advice.

Dear Desperately In Need of Advice,

I'm so sorry to hear that things aren't going well at all in your new school....that you wake up in tears and that you dread going to school/ each new day. That must be really horrible :(

Here is a big, big hug! Habibti, It's hard being a new kid. Let alone, the new Muslim kid. But believe me, it can get better.

How?

1. Attitude:
You set the day/ mood. When you walk in through that door, if you walk in with your shoulders slumped, a frown on your face and a "please leave me alone attitude", you are practically inviting them to
a) tease, mock you
b) treat you like the outsider
c) ignore you

You are also sending them the message that you need their approval and consent.

That's not true. You do not need their approval or consent on your clothes.

I want you to begin your mornings by saying "Bismillah. Today, I am by Allah's permission going to have a great day. I'm going to have a good day at school. I'm going to make one friend".

Seriously, say that out loud, in an audible voice and believe in it.

Then, do it.

Walk into your classroom with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eyes. You need to be confident. Don't wait for them to start the conversation because then it's done on their terms. Then, you're leaving it all to their 'questions' about your jilbab because let's face it. That is the most noticeable thing about you. Instead, you start the conversation. Say something as simple as "I'm so not ready for this test...". "Oh, I read that book. It's awesome". "Any chance we're going to have a free period today?" "Your locker's got a cool sticker"....


2. Belong
You do not need your whole class to like you. You do not need everyone to be your friend in order to belong. You only need one friend. That's all it takes. Look for one other girl who needs someone to talk to/ who looks like she can use a friend. Believe me, there is another girl out there who needs someone to talk to.

You see- from my experience- high school kids are of 2 kinds.

1. Those who are running away from their problems at home and seeking school as a refuge
2. Those who are running away from school and letting their 'computers' at home be their refuge

That's the truth. Everyone's got some problem/ something that bothers them....and most people wish they could talk about their problems with others. So be willing to listen to others...and help others.

How? Again, it starts off again with some simple ice breaker or something like 'offering to help someone with their English or math homework' or offering somebody a piece of your 'brownie'. Show that person that you're someone who 'cares' and 'ready to help' :)

Also remember, you can always look for a friend in a different grade than your grade. Who ever said you have to be friends that are exactly your age/ your grade? I know when I was in 12th grade, we used to have this one girl hang out with us all the time...she was in 11th....So if you can't connect with the girls in your homeroom, that doesn't mean you won't connect with anyone.

Some websites out there suggest that you spend one week, every day of the week, trying to make one new friend. Why not? :D

3. Join or Create
Are there any clubs at your school? Being around people who share the same interests as you is bound to make your day a little more cheerful. Whether it's the reading club/ Model United Nations/ Astronomy club/ French club/ etc. go there and make a difference. You can even try to kick-start some kind of "Muslim Student Association in High school club".

4. the Girl in the Jilbab with the amazing ....
Do you realize something? Everyone in high school wants to be different. Every one wants to stand out of the crowd and 'be recognized' as someone special. You already are. So BE the girl with the jilbab who has the amazing sense of humor/ is super talented at physics. Your jilbab is something that makes you unique. You can even use this for dawah.

5. Talk to a school counselor
They are there for a reason. They can help you through this process :)

6. IF any teacher 'picks on you', don't be scared to talk to the administration. A teacher does not have the right to do that. NO matter how old they are/ what qualifications they have, teachers must respect their student's diverse backgrounds. Speak up. You can start off by telling the teacher in a private meeting that their words were offensive. If it continues, you can talk to the administration.

InshaAlah I will put this on the blog and ask our sisters to share their experiences and advice cuz I didn't go to high school in America. This is about all I can think of ...

In the meantime, darling, know that I LOVE YOU and hope things get a lot easier and better for you.

P.S. always remember to turn to Allah. Sweetie, you are never ever alone!

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Stop Hitting On My Husband, please.

Assalaam alaikum dear little aunties,first off I'd like to say that you have an amazing corner in here may Allah reward you guys for all of your efforts & willingness to help others. I love all of your answers. I've been intending to write to you in a while then I thought my situation is a bit absurd but now it's getting out of control.

I'm a young newlywed and Alhamdulillah I've married an amazing religious guy but there is this little problem, the problem is, he's actually "too good looking" a lot of people would think that I'm mad saying this but I feel it's a source of concern more than anything else, it made me live in a constant worry and I want to end this !

Whenever we go out, there is always some random girl staring at him, eventually it spoils my mood and ruins our entire evening, it's sad how some girls keep no Haya by never lowering their gaze, there was actually this girl at the checkout shamelessly hitting on him, I could tell he got really annoyed & very uncomfortable but the whole thing made me even more uncomfortable but I never show anything whilst I'm burning inside.

All of this caused me to avoid going out with him, I know this is a bad solution but I can't control how much it gets to me, I've been having some really dark thoughts about asking for a divorce or at least confront him with the truth and how all of this makes me sometimes not even wanting to look at him. Despite all of his flaws he's a really sweet & caring husband but I'm not happy and I don't want to lose him, I feel truly blessed & I want to be the good wife that he deserves and I can't be while I'm always worried and sad. what should I do? Please help me!! :'( I'm desperate for some advice and I hope to get an answer ASAP! I'm about to lose my mind...Jazakllah khair.
Worried Newlywed

Wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo!

Dearest Worried NewlyWed!

Awww honey, let me give you a big hug! I don't think you're 'mad" for saying this. I think that each and every one of us has our own trials that we have to face and that they are very 'real for each of us'. No matter what people "think", you're obviously really hurting and you sound very miserable:( That's why I'm glad you decided to talk to somebody about your problem. The truth is it's a LOT better to talk to someone you can trust about your problems than to sit down and make 'misery and pain' your only constant companions and end up making a decision you'll regret for the rest of your life.

So....go ahead and sit down and make yourself comfy. Here's a cup of chocolate milk and some chunky Dairy Milk cadbury chocolate :D

Are you feeling a little better?

Hunny, before I give you my thoughts though on your specific situation, I do want to tell you something really important. It's really important that we do not entertain any thoughts of divorce (if there's nothing seriously wrong with the marriage, itself). Why? Ever heard of this saying:

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny

The truth is that our thoughts are not just a single 'thought'.... When we think one thought, we immediately follow it with another...and to a certain extent, we 'live a bit in those thoughts'. When you begin to consider having a divorce, you start to give yourself reason to believe that divorced life would be better and easier to deal with. It starts becoming a sanctuary to you when in reality, it is nothing of that sort. (This is for those with just a few issues that need to be resolved and not people suffering with abusive partners and the like).

So then..what's my advice?

Start off with a sincere belief in wanting your marriage to succeed. And then, take the steps needed to resolve this single issue.

What kinda steps? Well, ask yourself some big questions here:

1. What if it was you who was good looking and young men were hitting you? Would you want your husband to consider leaving you for an action that you did not commit? Do you think that's really fair? Who is at fault here? The women with horrible, bad manners or your hubby?

2. Do you trust your husband? If not, why not? Because he's good looking? Didn't you say that he's religious?You see, just because a person is 'attractive', doesn't mean that they have more of a chance of doing something wrong. What it boils down to is whether or not the person fears Allah and understands what marriage is about. A really 'unattractive man' could cheat with hundreds of girls if he wanted. Cheating isn't about a person's looks, then. It's about a person's character/moral/values.

3. Is this about YOU or about him? Are you worried that you're not good enough/ attractive enough for him? That he'll leave you? Remember, Allah chose you for him. You are a beautiful person. YOU have to believe that you are beautiful and worthy of his love in order to project that...If you believe you're someone 'not good enough', you're going to just end up letting him believe that....and that's all utter nonsense, anyways.

4. Do these women know him? Do they know his favorite food? How he laughs? What he likes to do when he's come back from work? What he wants to do with his life? No. They do not. When these women walk past him, they're what? Going to think of him for 15 minutes, max. They don't know him. You KNOW him. His faults...who he is...what he likes.. what he's scared of. You've got an emotional, spiritual connection and that counts way more than looks.Remember that. They're just passer by's. You're his wife. And it was Allah who chose it that way.

OKay, so you've asked yourself some questions.....

Now it's time for a plan of action.

1. You should talk to your husband about your feelings. You should tell him that 'those girls drive you nuts' and make you feel uncomfy. And that you're a little jealous. Chances are, he'll feel flattered AND he'll be more considerate of your feelings.

2. Ask him if it would be possible if he would hold your hand/ show some sign that he's with you when those girls do that. That would make you feel more reassured and would hopefully send the warning to those girls. You could even ask your husband to wear something like a 'thobe', even (depending where you live) or things that don't highlight his body/looks too much.

3. Think of different places you could go to: a boat ride- a picnic in the park- a visit to an art museum- etc.


4. Continue to build your spiritual life together. Pray together. Read Qur'an together. Listen to lectures together. Also, ask him about his day at work. Talk to him. Having the spiritual connection and emotional connection is a lot more important than 'any looks'.

5.  Think of 5 great things about him and how you don't want to lose him. Forget his flaws. Forget those girls. And thank Allah he's in your life. Make dua that Allah blesses your marriage and that things get better and better.

Well, hunny, that's my little advice. I want to turn this over to any married girls here, though, and ask what they think? Sisters, what would you do? :)

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A Good Man is Hard to Find

I'm surrounded by guys and fitna, and there's all this pressure to get married or engaged. It's really starting to get to me. I guess my basic question is: how do I maintain my deen and iman and still find a good guy and deal with temptation.
I'm really confused so I hope you can help. INSHALLAH!

Dearest Single N' Wanting to Get Married,

Asalamu aliaukam!,

Oh sister...Let me guess your situation.

You're a little older than 25 and every other month, some friend or cousin announces she's getting married. You're starting to freak out- where is your Mr. Hubby' and more importantly why hasn't he made his grand entrance, yet...? Your mom's probably on your back (like we can just snap our fingers and he'll magically appear or something) and you're starting to dread going to family reunions because all you ever get asked is "did you get engaged, yet/ why aren't you married"? You've got friends who have guys on their Facebook and you're thinking "Maybe you should give it a shot..."

I know exactly how you feel.

Frustrated....anxious.. worried...panicky....

Am I right or am I right? ;)

But let me tell you right now, sis, Facebook is not the answer. Neither is 'speed dating' or getting to know your 'Muslim guy colleague'.

Never consider doing something forbidden or haram to find Mr. Right. That’s not going to get you the right guy. You have to believe that ALLAH is the One who brings people together-doing what He has forbidden you to do is only going to bring you away from Allah and leave you in misery.

In fact, you have to realize that it ALL starts with the right intentions. Ask yourself some serious questions. Why do you want to get married? What is the purpose of marriage to you? Is it just 'the next step' you have to reach? OR do you sincerely want to get married to start a family that worships Allah and knows Islam well?

If you want to get married for the sake of Allah and you want His blessings, then you've got to do things the way He has ordained.

I know- I know....that's what you're asking me. How do you get married/ find a guy?

Well, it starts with Dua. Make sincere dua to Allah. Tell Him that you're going to do things His way because you want His pleasure. Wake up in the last third of the night and ask Allah.

Number 2: Get your family involved. As much as we all dread the ""I've got someone for you" squint look from certain auntie figures in our lives", our family is our greatest network. Seriously, forget facebook... your family network is a lot more reliable. Tell your family that you are seriously ready for marriage and are looking for good, religious available guys who are X and Y (give a little information on the kind of guy you're looking for). And the next time a relative asks you "Did you get engaged, yet?", smile at them and say, "No, I haven't. I'm still looking. Tell me if you know any good guys! Or please pray for me."

And you know what? Give that auntie who has some guy for you a chance. Maybe she's not your cup of tea but maybe the guy she brings for you will be..

Number 3: Get involved with the Muslim community. They key is socializing more....that is, with women. Go to Friday prayers. Say salaams to people and get to know the sisters there. Volunteer at any charities/ mosque events/ etc. Join halaqahs, go to conventions, be active within your Muslim community. Agree with another single friend that you'll be on the lookout for any brothers for her and could she also be on the look out for you? Another thing you can try doing is speaking to like the Imam’s wife/ etc. about getting married.

Number 4: Tackle what is STOPPING you. Do you have some kind of fear? Or problem standing in the way? Think about joining a course/ program like "Finding Your Other Half" by Practimate (Megan Wyaat). Check out their 10 Simple Steps to Getting Married:over here. Also, work on anything that could 'stand in the way of a marriage succeeding' like temper problems, moodiness, etc. Take the time now to improve yourself and work on any issues you may have.

Number 5: Be patient. Remember, Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala has a plan for us. He knows who is best for YOU. So don't worry. And remember, Allah ewards us based on our intentions. If you've already made pure intentions, you're being rewarded for that...right now! Every time you do not go on facebook to talk with guys to find a hubby, you are being rewarded for that, inshaAllah...

and remember that marriage is not the 'goal' but a means to help us in our goal/ purpose- to worship Allah.


Sisters..what do you think? What's your advice? Suggestions? :)

p.s. you could think of joining a matrimonial website, provided that your wali is involved with the whole thing :)

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Presenting....

It's time to announce the

*~~~~*

of our first little Quizzie here...

The first person to reach the target (at least 25 out of 30 questions) was .....Muniba, scoring 28.5 out of 30! Muniba actually submitted her answers on the SAME DAY I posted up the quiz, ma'shaAllah!

The highest SCORE was by Simeen who got 29.5 out of 30, ma'shaAllah.
 

Huda, R.Z, Umayma, Ikhlas, Bint Insar, and all the others who tried the quiz/ even just thought about it, you guys all did a GREAT job.

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Now, for the correct answers...

Part 1 (Remember, there were a number of possibilities...These are Muniba's, hehe)

a. 4

Surah Nur: And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever, they indeed are the Fasiqun (Nur:4)

b. 9

""And put your hand into your bosom, it will come forth white without hurt. (These are) among the nine signs (you will take) to Fir'aun (Pharaoh) and his people, they are a people who are the Fasiqun (rebellious, disobedient to Allah). (Naml:12)

c. 300 (or 309)

And they stayed in their Cave three hundred (solar) years, and add nine (for lunar years).(Kahf: 25)

d. 19

Over it are nineteen (angels as guardians and keepers of Hell). (Mudathir:30)

e. 10

By the ten nights (Fajr:2)

 f. 40

And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with hardship, and the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is thirty (30) months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: ""My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You, and make my off-spring good. Truly, I have turned to You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims (submitting to Your Will)."" (Ahqaf:15)



III. Part II

a. an animal talking to a human.

But the hoopoe stayed not long, he (came up and) said: ""I have grasped (the knowledge of a thing) which you have not grasped and I have come to you from Saba' (Sheba) with true news.

""I found a woman ruling over them, and she has been given all things that could be possessed by any ruler of the earth, and she has a great throne. (Naml: 22, 23)


b. a daughter talking to her father

And said one of them (the two women): ""O my father! Hire him! Verily, the best of men for you to hire is the strong, the trustworthy."" (qasas, 26)

c. a son (prophet) talking to his father (non-believer)

And (remember) when Ibrahim (Abraham) said to his father Azar: ""Do you take idols as aliha (gods)? Verily, I see you and your people in manifest error. "" (Anaam, 6: 74)

d. a son (non-believer) talking to his father (prophet)

So it (the ship) sailed with them amidst the waves like mountains, and Nuh (Noah) called out to his son, who had separated himself (apart), ""O my son! Embark with us and be not with the disbelievers.""

The son replied: ""I will betake myself to a mountain, it will save me from the water."" Nuh (Noah) said: ""This day there is no saviour from the Decree of Allah except him on whom He has mercy."" And a wave came in between them, so he (the son) was among the drowned. (Hud, 11: 42-43)

e. a mother talking to Allah

(Remember) when the wife of 'Imran said: ""O my Lord! I have vowed to You what (the child that) is in my womb to be dedicated for Your services (free from all worldly work; to serve Your Place of worship), so accept this, from me. Verily, You are the All-Hearer, the All-Knowing.""(Imran, 3:35)



12.  12. There is only one companion whose name is mentioned in the Qur'an. Who is he?
 Zaid bin Haaritha R.A.

And (remember) when you said to him on whom Allah has bestowed Grace and you have done favour (by manumitting him) ""Keep your wife to yourself, and fear Allah."" But you did hide in yourself (i.e. what Allah has already made known to you that He will give her to you in marriage) that which Allah will make manifest, you did fear the people whereas Allah had a better right that you should fear Him. So when Zaid had accomplished his desire from her, We gave her to you in marriage, so that (in future) there may be no difficulty to the believers in respect of (the marriage of) the wives of their adopted sons when the latter have no desire to keep them (i.e. they have divorced them). And Allah's Command must be fulfilled. (Ahzab: 37)

13. 13. The Qur'an tells us to take two women as role models. Who are they? 
 Maryam R.A. and Aasia R.A.

And Allah has set forth an example for those who believe, the wife of Fir'aun (Pharaoh), when she said: ""My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Fir'aun (Pharaoh) and his work, and save me from the people who are Zalimun (polytheists, wrong-doers and disbelievers in Allah).

And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of 'Imran who guarded her chastity; and We breathed into (the sleeve of her shirt or her garment) through Our Ruh [i.e. Jibrael (Gabriel)], and she testified to the truth of the Words of her Lord [i.e. believed in the Words of Allah: ""Be!"" and he was; that is 'Iesa (Jesus) - son of Maryam (Mary); as a Messenger of Allah], and (also believed in) His Scriptures, and she was of the Qanitin (i.e. obedient to Allah). (Tahrim, 66: 11-12)

14.  Name an  ayah in the Qur'an that is made up only one word and is not an 'oath
 Ar-rahman ( Surat Ar Rahman, verse 1). Or: "Dark, green in color,", Surat Ar Rahaman, verse 64.



 15.  Name 4 surahs whose names are names of the Day of Judgment.
  AL Qaariah, Al-Ghaashiyah, Al Waqiah and Al-Qiyamah



16.  16. What are 5 characteristics of the servants of the Compassionate (Ar-Rahman)?
 Ibaad ur Rahman, characteristics:

And the slaves of the Most Beneficent (Allah) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness.



And those who spend the night before their Lord, prostrate and standing.



And those who say: ""Our Lord! Avert from us the torment of Hell. Verily! Its torment is ever an inseparable, permanent punishment.""



Evil indeed it (Hell) is as an abode and as a place to dwell.



And those, who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor niggardly, but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes).



And those who invoke not any other ilah (god) along with Allah, nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.

(Furqan: 63-68)

17. Who does Allah declare war on in the Qur'an? 

 Those who take usury

O you who believe! Be afraid of Allah and give up what remains (due to you) from Riba (usury) (from now onward), if you are (really) believers.

And if you do not do it, then take a notice of war from Allah and His Messenger but if you repent, you shall have your capital sums. Deal not unjustly (by asking more than your capital sums), and you shall not be dealt with unjustly (by receiving less than your capital sums).(Baqarah, 2:278-279)

18. Which sura begins with a woman complaining about her husband?
  Surah Mujaadilah

19. Qaroon

Verily, Qarun (Korah) was of Musa's (Moses) people, but he behaved arrogantly towards them. And We gave him of the treasures, that of which the keys would have been a burden to a body of strong men. When his people said to him: ""Do not be glad (with ungratefulness to Allah's Favours). Verily! Allah likes not those who are glad (with ungratefulness to Allah's Favours). [Qasas, 28: 76]

20. This Day, We shall seal up their mouths, and their hands will speak to Us, and their legs will bear witness to what they used to earn. (Yasin, 36: 65)

Till, when they reach it (Hell-fire), their hearing (ears) and their eyes, and their skins will testify against them as to what they used to do. (Fussilat, 41: 20)


21. Sodom or the people of Lot

And We turned (the towns of Sodom in Palestine) upside down and rained down on them stones of baked clay. (Hijr, 15: 74)

22. First time: O mankind! Worship your Lord (Allah), Who created you and those who were before you so that you may become Al-Muttaqun (baqarah, 2: 21)

Last time: O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted. (49: 13)

23. The spider and its webb: 

The likeness of those who take Auliya' (protectors and helpers) other than Allah is as the likeness of a spider, who builds (for itself) a house, but verily, the frailest (weakest) of houses is the spider's house; if they but knew. (Ankabut, 41)

24. Verily, Allah! With Him (Alone) is the knowledge of the Hour, He sends down the rain, and knows that which is in the wombs. No person knows what he will earn tomorrow, and no person knows in what land he will die. Verily, Allah is All-Knower, All-Aware (of things). (luqman, 34)

25. Sura Mujadilah

26. "And fear a Day when you will be returned to Allah. Then every soul will be compensated for what it earned, and they will not be treated unjustly."" (Baqarah, 2: 281)

27. Surah Baqarah, ayah 282

O you who believe! When you contract a debt for a fixed period, write it down. Let a scribe write it down in justice between you. Let not the scribe refuse to write as Allah has taught him, so let him write. Let him (the debtor) who incurs the liability dictate, and he must fear Allah, his Lord, and diminish not anything of what he owes. But if the debtor is of poor understanding, or weak, or is unable himself to dictate, then let his guardian dictate in justice. And get two witnesses out of your own men. And if there are not two men (available), then a man and two women, such as you agree for witnesses, so that if one of them (two women) errs, the other can remind her. And the witnesses should not refuse when they are called on (for evidence). You should not become weary to write it (your contract), whether it be small or big, for its fixed term, that is more just with Allah; more solid as evidence, and more convenient to prevent doubts among yourselves, save when it is a present trade which you carry out on the spot among yourselves, then there is no sin on you if you do not write it down. But take witnesses whenever you make a commercial contract. Let neither scribe nor witness suffer any harm, but if you do (such harm), it would be wickedness in you. So be afraid of Allah; and Allah teaches you. And Allah is the All-Knower of each and everything.

28. On the Day when We will say to Hell: ""Are you filled?"" It will say: ""Are there any more (to come)?""(Qaf,50: 30)

29. Surat Al Anam:

And when a sign comes to them, they say, "Never will we believe until we are given like that which was given to the messengers of Allah ." Allah is most knowing of where He places His message. There will afflict those who committed crimes debasement before Allah and severe punishment for what they used to conspire.

30. He is Allah than Whom there is La ilaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He) the King, the Holy, the One Free from all defects, the Giver of security, the Watcher over His creatures, the All-Mighty, the Compeller, the Supreme. Glory be to Allah! (High is He) above all that they associate as partners with Him. (Hashr, 59: 23)

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Jazakun Allah koli khair!

May Allah increase all of us in knowledge and let us be of those who read, understand and implement the Qur'an in our lives. May the Qur'an 'stand up for us' on the Day of Judgment and not against us.

I also want to present a new website dedicated to exposing the hidden literary talents of young Muslims...
Give it up for: http://createmaktoob.com/ Check it out and turn in your stuff :)


Lots of love,

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I didn't treat them right

Salaam dear beautiful aunties,

I dont want to praise you too much as Our Prophet Muhammad (SAW) suggested not to do so.
But May Allah (swt) make this blog a sadaqa zaria for you all and no matter what keep going, marching forth, inshaAllah this blog will be a slide for you to reach your Lord the most high.

ok let me begain telling you my problems here:

I was deep in the darkest portion of this world and was the worst human being ever and then my Lord the Most Kind , guided me, to Al-Islam, Alhumdulliahi Rabil Alamin. Alhumdulliah then i beagin pratising Islam, but as i was supposed to apolozise to people arround me for hurting their fellings, but i didnt.
Then got married to a very nice human being also a revert to islam. I was also studying in a islamic school but then i withdrew (my intention was to study at home, which i didn't).

Then we lived with my in laws, at time most of the time my in laws relatives and friends used to ask me to go out with them to place like hospital, immigration ect as they had language barrier, and i used to go. but then as time passed by i got fed up as i wasn't getting time for my ibadah, as rest of the time was spent in doing housework and so thus i started refusing to go. as for my mother as used to say that she will go without even asking me. As it is common, she didn't appriciate a single bit the housework that i did. Then she started asking me to apply for a seprate house behind the back of my husband, so we did move to a new house.
When we moved to the new house my mother in law had to do all the housework, and she was expecting that after cleaning for my own house then i should travel 1 hour to do the housework for her, but i didnt. as i felt she is busy earning and she wants me to clean her mess.

But now I feeling gulty, I must have been more patient and must have gone out with these people, i must have used these moments for Dawah. Also after i got married, i choose to stay at home, Alhumdulliah i cover up my self and wear the niqaab too. But i feel i have wasted my Life.
i want to repent

wa'alykum as salam, Wanting to Repent!

You are very right in the fact that prophet Mohammed sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam told us not to praise each other. Jazakillah khair. Honestly, the dua means so MUCH more, :) Amene, ameen, ameen :)

Alhamdillah Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala guided you to His wonderful deen

You know sis, I made a mistake like yours, too. I used to think ibahada was about reading Qur'an and praying a lot and that's it...but the meaning of ibaha is so much more comprehensive. WE could be cleaning the house and have the intention that it is to help an older Muslim woman or to make a fellow Muslim woman happy and we could be rewarded soooo much more.

The prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam did say: "That I walk with my Muslim brother in his need is dearer to me than being in i'itkaf in my masjid for a month".

Sallah Allhahoo alyhee wa salam.

(I know though that your in-laws aren't Muslim, though, but the idea is that still, your cleaning the house could have been considered worship if you had made your intention to invite her to Islam through your behavior.)

Anyways, the truth is that our manners and the way we treat our fellow human beings is almost (if not equally) important to our prayers, reading Qur'an, etc.

In fact, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) summarized his whole mission (and obviously since he was the final messenger, the mission of the thousands of messengers before him) in one single line: inama bathtoo li atimoo makarim al akhlaq (English translation below).

“Verily, I was sent for no other reason, except to perfect the noble traits of character”. It can be found in Imam Malik’s Al Mutawwa.

I also have read this hadith  but not sure of the narrator:

"The believer reaches by good character the degree of the person who constantly fasts and stands in prayers."

Good manners...good character...that's part of what being religious is all about. We get rewarded for these things if we have the right intention!

So...what to do now?

Just make it up to her, now :) Why don't you call your mother in law and apologize? Why don't you send her a letter with words of regret and sorry and tell her how much you wish you could help her? It's really not too late.

Why don't you talk to your husband about inviting his parents over once a week, as well? And his other relatives and family? You can start over. Your life is NOT over, hun! You could even do something 'big for her'....save up some money and talk to your husband about giving her a vacation somewhere?

Think of something she really needs....and do it for her/ get it for her :)
And ask Allah to forgive you :D

You can also start being a beacon of dawah right now :) Why don't you pass out some leaflets? The important thing though is that you've learned that it is through your patience and manners that non-Muslims would be affected- more so than your words. Use this lesson now...:)

Also, you can do dawah even with Muslimahs! If you attend the Friday prayer, you can smile at your fellow sisters....pass out good books/ tapes you have...Bring cookies /lollipops and pass it out to the kids at the end of the khutbah ..or whatever :)

Just do not isolate yourself and think that is better for your 'worship'.

Remember this:

According to a hadeeth narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1307 and Ibn Maajah (4032) from Ibn ‘Umar, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believer who mixes with people and bears any annoyance they cause with patience, is better than the believer who does not mix with people and does not bear any annoyance they cause with patience.” (This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 6651).

May Allah make things easier for you, sweetie :) Remember, it's not the end of your life. You can do GREAT things :) You can make this right.

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