HouseWife to Be ?

>> Monday, December 24, 2012

I am in my 20s and just recently started working. I have a boyfriend whom I have been dating for several years and we have plans of getting married soon. He has a stable job right now and has offered to pay my salary if I were to quit my job and become a housewife. We have always talked about me being a housewife, taking care of our children when we have one, one day. The problem is, I dont know how I am going to tell my parents this because i dont kow how my parents would react to this if I were to quit my job after I got married, just because they have invested so much in my education. Help me auntie :( 

Dearest "Housewife to be",
Sorry for taking so long to respond! *Blushes*..I hope you believe the saying, "Better late than never". 

Hunny, I'm pretty sure that you know that dating is not Islamically acceptable. Sister, if you're really serious about marrying this guy, you gotta do it right, hun. If you want Allah to bless your marriage, it should be done in the way He has prescribed. This guy needs to talk to your parents and your communication should be done with a mahram, inshaAllah.

As for this topic of becoming a "housewife"....I know what you mean. It can be daunting just thinking of how to broach the topic or what your parents will think, but what you have to remember is this: 

Your parents were investing in YOU: in your happiness, your safety, your serenity, your success. It wasn't the education that they were paying for. That was the tool. It was always YOU, though, that they were paying for. They want you to be happy, safe, and successful. If you feel that this man will help you have a happy, safe and successful life, and that he is the one for you and that being a housewife is what will be best for your family....then, your education shouldn't stand in the way.  

When the time comes, what you can do is tell your parents that you have tried working and that you feel that at this point of time, you want to take a leave of working and try to get a "balance" of things. You feel that your marriage and home must come first in your life. That doesn't mean that you're going to stay home all day and do still have options like: 

a) volunteering in a charity organization/ somewhere
b) tutoring in your house
c) taking a class/ pursuing a degree or diploma in something 
d) taking the time to learn Quran/ Islamic studies

Remember, you parents felt that giving you the best education was the way to help you reach your potential and the way to help you become an independent individual and a contributor to society. You've got to prove to them that being a housewife will not take away from your potential or make you entirely dependent upon your husband. (They're worried that if something were to happen, you would be left without anything) 

You can also bring up the issue with your fiance about part-time work....

* You don't have to tell your parents that you'll never go back to work....but just explain that you're trying it for now and want to see what is best for you and your family.

* Thank them for all that they have given you and invested in you. Tell them that if they come across something really great/ a great job offer, they can tell you about it and you'll see what you think about it.

All in all...give your parents a chance. Perhaps you will find your mother to be very understanding of it...when she knows that you are thinking of marriage. Perhaps your dad will appreciate the fact that your fiance/boyfriend has agreed to paying you your salary and will just ask him to write it as a condition in your marriage. Maybe the whole conversation will go a LOT smoother than you ever imagined :) Make dua...wish for the best...and don't let the fear of what MIGHT happen rule you :)

*Sisters, have any of you gone through a similar situation? 

3 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

Karima December 26, 2012 at 2:31 PM  

I never ever wanted to be a housewife! Then after I got married I changed my mind and wouldn't want it any other way now!

Anonymous,  January 1, 2013 at 9:32 PM  

How can I send you my problems?

Anonymous,  February 8, 2013 at 6:23 PM  

I'm going through the exact situation, except that my parents know about the guy but don't know the part where I'm asked to be a housewife. So this was quite helpful...It's hard to give up an education that my family always pushed me for..but it's also good to be practical, that being a housewife for some time will probably be the best choice for kids

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Asalamu aialkum!
Well, what do you think? You know, you're part of the team, as well. Please help a sister out and share your own advice/experiences/etc. One for all and all for one =)
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