>> Wednesday, October 10, 2012
It just seems like my whole life has to revolve around marriage. I want to get married but sometimes I think why bother? Ill never find the right guy, and no one will like me. I just want to die sometimes, because no matter how hard I try to be a good muslim, I never succeed and Ill never get married, so Ill never live up to my family's and society's expectations, so why not just die or go somewhere far away and be by myself forever.
So why am I telling you this? Sis, don't ever think about crawling in a hole and just dying. Instead, my dear sis, remember the beautiful blessings that Allah has indeed blessed you with. Just being able to wake up and see the sun, being able to walk and talk with ease, being able to eat and breathe without and machines hooked up to us! The list of blessing go on, though we may not realize them, but every minute we are awake and sleeping is a blessing from Allah. Often we count other’s blessings and forget to count our own! You look at someone else married and imagine their life is perfect...but who told you that? How can you be so sure? Everyone has some blessing...something to be grateful for.
And if you should count the favors of Allah, you could not enumerate them. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. (16: 18)
Remember these blessings and remember your Merciful Lord, Allah!
“Truly, it is by the Remembrance of Allah that hearts find rest.” [Qur'an, Ar-Rad 13.28]
Know that the life of this world is only play and amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children, as the likeness of vegetation after rain, thereof the growth is pleasing to the tiller; afterwards it dries up and you see it turning yellow; then it becomes straw. But in the Hereafter (there is) a severe torment (for the disbelievers, evil-doers), and (there is) Forgiveness from Allah and (His) Good Pleasure (for the believers, good-doers), whereas the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment.” ( Al-Hadid 57: 20)
And the thing is, we will never be the most beautiful, skinny woman that the media wants us to be. You see, the media is nothing but one big stage, where everything is just for show, but once the curtains close, the real evils are exposed. Media feeds pollution to us and tells us what we need to be like, in order to “fit in” with society. But who are THEY to tell us who we should look like, act like, or even talk like? What makes those people qualified to tell us what our purpose is in life? They were all equally created by the ONE TRUE CREATOR, ALLAH THE ALMIGHTY! Nobody in this world is better than another (except in piety). We were equally created with one purpose and that purpose is to worship Allah alone and associate no partners with him. Our purpose on this earth is to follow the path of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and to obey to his Sunnah and the commands of Allah. Sure, material wealth, social status may surpass one person above another, but remember, all these things will soon disappear and will their wealth or status be able to save them from the torments of the grave, or the Hellfire? We often forget sometimes and think that wealth, children, and marital status is something we must strive for in this dunya but the most important thing is being patient with whatever Allah has decreed for us and to remember that nothing belongs to Allah and that we will all return to Him in the end.
“And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return. They are those on whom are the Salawat (i.e. blessings, etc.) (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided-ones. " (2:155-157)
"The (Hell) Fire is surrounded by all kinds of desires and passions, while Paradise is surrounded by all kinds of disliked undesirable things."*[Sahih Al-Bukhari, 8/6487 (O.P.494)].
“it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”[al-Nisa’ 4:19]
“I have reached my forties and am not married, and I praise Allaah for everything that He has decreed for me. At first I felt sad and upset whenever I was alone, and I regretted my misfortune every time one of my friends got married. I did not have any conditions or specific characteristics in the man I wanted to marry; I was prepared to accept any righteous man. But years went by without this man coming to me. I began to withdraw from people so that I would not see their looks of pity but I could not escape them completely, because I would see them in the eyes of my parents and siblings who would pray for me every time they saw me. One day at the end of Sha’baan, as we were preparing for the blessed month of Ramadaan, Allaah guided me to keep a Mus-haf just for myself. I decided to read the whole Qur’aan and I found it very difficult to read it because I had stopped reading for the last ten years. I also found it difficult to understand some verses, so I bought a book of Tafseer (commentary) and I started to read it so that I could understand the verses of Qur'aan that I was reading. Ramadaan ended but my attachment to the Book of Allaah did not stop; I carried on reading the verses of Allaah and reading the commentary thereon. “Then came the day when I read the verse in Soorat al-Kahf (interpretation of the meaning): Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope [al-Kahf 18:46]. I wondered, what does the good righteous deeds that last’ mean? I found in the Tafseer that it refers to all righteous deeds. “I fell in love with righteous deeds such as prayer, fasting, charity, tasbeeh, tahmeed, tahleel and takbeer. Happiness began to fill my heart and I became content. I praised Allaah greatly for guiding me to this path and teaching me these things.” Sister Umm Yamaan adds: “But this is not a call for monasticism (secluding oneself from society and devote themselves to solitude, prayer, contemplation), rather it is a call to accept the will and decree of Allaah.” (Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/4-7 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd.)
When you fix your relationship with Allah and live a well grounded life (volunteer somewhere, join a halaqah, give charity, go to the gym, take care of your body and soul), you'll find that you don't need a man to find a reason to live for.This is the only way to tackle the temporary, valueless world we live in. So persevere with courage and stay focused because Allah will never abandon His slaves to the shaitan if they are sincere in their cry for guidance! <3