>> Wednesday, January 5, 2011
In an instant-A little while later, I sat down and mentally rewinded the scene in my mind (the game being ‘a friendly game’ between Egypt vs. Qatar). No, no, I decided; it most definitely wasn’t disgust or horror that I felt at the ‘fateful goal’.
The crowd cheers-
An impossible dream…
In that instant,
The goalie’s eyes – haunted- scream
The player’s mouth drops open,
The fog clears,
and I stare at the ‘unbelievable’ scene in front of me.
The player scored
against his own team.
The score -
It was pity.
Pity for the player.
Would he sleep at night or would he stay awake, replaying that goal, over and over again? Would he ever forgive himself?
It was just a mistake- just a split second decision -but there was no doubt about it. It cost them the game. (The eventual score was 2-1; had he not made that goal, it would have an even 1-1.)
As I truly sat down and analyzed that goal, my stomach began to churn. My thoughts raced to an entirely different game…one where I was the goalie.
No, it wasn’t memories of 6th grade soccer.
It was memories of my life.
I thought about the ‘game (and I use the term loosely)’ I had been playing.
How many times had I taken an ‘even score’ and willingly, ruined it.
How many times had I been a truly lousy goalie? I let in so many easy *stoppable goals*. I could have easily told my friend, “Hey, that’s backbiting. Don’t say that,” or “I really don’t think that’s appropriate to watch” I could easily have ‘not befriended’ certain people, avoided certain places, etc, but no…I let it ‘mostly’ in. Take, take, take….
No defense, no guarding…
But what was even worse than that, was that as much as I was a lousy goalie, I was really an even lousier player.
How many times had I actually helped the ‘other team’- “Shaytaan and his cronies” against myself?
“Hey, want to ….” “Let’s go do X/Y/Z.”
How many times had I initiated a ‘haraam activity’?
How many times had I delayed an obligatory act?
“We can pray salah later.” “I’ll wear hijab, later…”
When I really thought about it, I had basically been playing for the other side.
I had been scoring against myself.
Didn’t Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala clearly warn us (using even the first person voice):
Did I not charge you, O children of Adam! that you should not worship Shaitan? Surely he is your open enemy, (60) And that you should serve Me; this is the right way. (61) And certainly he led astray numerous people from among you. What! could you not then understand? (62) Surat Yaseen
Had I taken Shaytaan as my enemy?
No; I think we’ve just established that I had done the exact opposite.
What about these verses:
[Iblees] said, "Do You see this one whom You have honored above me? If You delay me until the Day of Resurrection, I will surely destroy his descendants, except for a few."
(62) [Allah] said, "Go, for whoever of them follows you, indeed Hell will be the recompense of you - an ample recompense. (63) And incite [to senselessness] whoever you can among them with your voice and assault them with your horses and foot soldiers and become a partner in their wealth and their children and promise them."
But Satan does not promise them except delusion. (64) Indeed, over My [believing] servants there is for you no authority. And sufficient is your Lord as Disposer of affairs. (65) (Surat Al Isra)
As I reflected on all this, I realized that the ultimate question was--
“What is my *present score?”
I don't have the answer for that,
But I’ve got to go now and do something for the sake of Allah.
I need to SCORE.
And [by] the soul and He who proportioned it (7) And inspired it [with discernment of] its wickedness and its righteousness, (8) He has succeeded who purifies it, (9) And he has failed who instills it [with corruption]. (surat As Shams)