>> Saturday, August 6, 2011
I don't know quite how to say this, I don't want to ruin the Ramadan buzz everyone has going on, but this is really breaking me apart. My family seems so...broken. There are arguments and disputes so much. It really hurts me because I love all my family so much. They should get along...they should see that it's Ramadan and they should make an effort at least. But that's not the main problem...the main thing is that my sister, who has had enough as well, is thinking of running away. I know this won't make anything better and now I need advice...Assalamu Alaykum Dear Sister,
Your letter makes me want to give you one huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge hug. Here it is: HUGGGGG!
I can feel your pain; you really care about your family and it's so frustrating when it seems to be that they just don't get along for the sake of it. But, honey, if you really want to help them, try to look at it from their perspective...
Be empathetic. This means you've got to try to feel how they feel and truly understand what they think. It's really not that hard. Just pretend you're in their shoes. What problems are they facing? Do they really intend to be nasty? Why are they so angry/upset/lost/confused?
You'll figure out that everyone in your family is facing some kind of their own troubles, obstacles and battles.
Now you can't be a superhero and make all these troubles ZAP away, unfortunately.
But you can do something which is actually a lot more amazing, a lot more powerful - you can make DUA.
Just find a quiet corner in your house, raise your hands up and plead. Plead with everything you've got inside you and spill out to your Lord. Allah loves you. He can help you and He wants you to ask Him for His Glorious Aid.
Keep Asking. Keep Asking. Keep Asking. Just Keep Pleading. However many days or weeks or months go by - keep asking.
HAVE HOPE and KEEP THE HOPE. I urge this to you dear sister, because Allah answers all our dua. Just remember to MAKE DUA.
As well as this, you can be a positive role model for your whole family;
You can be polite and respectful. You can be sure not to argue. You can be sure to obey your elders and pray and fast and give charity - and smile.
Maybe they will see this and try to do the same. You never know.
A simple smile can work so many wonders dear sis, please do try to smile more than you already do (: .
Maybe, also, you can try and help your family build more positive times together. Why not asking your sisters to pray with you at the mosque (since it is Ramadban)? Or asking your family if they are interested in having a Eid vacation this year. It doesn't have to be something fancy- maybe just a trip to a nearby town- but sometimes, going out, leaving the negative area, and building positive memories together is all that you need to do. Maybe you can get a simple board game and invite the family to play it together?
I do want to say though that I am a little concerned about your sister though; I think you need to show her that you are there for her. You may not be able to heal the wounds she may carry, but you can show her you're there. You can give her a hug when her face looks glum. You can be there. That may be all she needs.
Please do check this though for further advice for your sister. If it looks like she is very serious, you should bring up the issue with one of your parents.
Most of all, despite the fact you may feel scared and upset - never forget to always go to Allah.
Because He can help you. Pray your Salah with so much sincerity and plead and plead and plead.
'Voyage to your Lord, even if broken and bruised'
It's now your time to shine.
the wound is where the light entersHave hope in Allah, make dua - Let the Light Enter.
I pray for a peaceful Ramadan for all my sisters, and peace in the home and in the heart. Ameen
Lots of Love. Please try, at least, to smile. :)