My Broken Family Breaks My Heart

>> Saturday, August 6, 2011

I don't know quite how to say this, I don't want to ruin the Ramadan buzz everyone has going on, but this is really breaking me apart. My family seems so...broken. There are arguments and disputes so much. It really hurts me because I love all my family so much. They should get along...they should see that it's Ramadan and they should make an effort at least. But that's not the main problem...the main thing is that my sister, who has had enough as well, is thinking of running away. I know this won't make anything better and now I need advice...
Assalamu Alaykum Dear Sister,

Your letter makes me want to give you one huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge hug. Here it is: HUGGGGG!
I can feel your pain; you really care about your family and it's so frustrating when it seems to be that they just don't get along for the sake of it. But, honey, if you really want to help them, try to look at it from their perspective...
Be empathetic. This means you've got to try to feel how they feel and truly understand what they think. It's really not that hard. Just pretend you're in their shoes. What problems are they facing? Do they really intend to be nasty? Why are they so angry/upset/lost/confused?


You'll figure out that everyone in your family is facing some kind of their own troubles, obstacles and battles.
Now you can't be a superhero and make all these troubles ZAP away, unfortunately.
But you can do something which is actually a lot more amazing, a lot more powerful - you can make DUA.
Just find a quiet corner in your house, raise your hands up and plead. Plead with everything you've got inside you and spill out to your Lord. Allah loves you. He can help you and He wants you to ask Him for His Glorious Aid.

Keep Asking. Keep Asking. Keep Asking. Just Keep Pleading. However many days or weeks or months go by - keep asking.

HAVE HOPE and KEEP THE HOPE. I urge this to you dear sister, because Allah answers all our dua. Just remember to MAKE DUA.

As well as this, you can be a positive role model for your whole family;
You can be polite and respectful. You can be sure not to argue. You can be sure to obey your elders and pray and fast and give charity - and smile.

Maybe they will see this and try to do the same. You never know.

A simple smile can work so many wonders dear sis, please do try to smile more than you already do (: .

Maybe, also, you can try and help your family build more positive times together. Why not asking your sisters to pray with you at the mosque (since it is Ramadban)? Or asking your family if they are interested in having a Eid vacation this year. It doesn't have to be something fancy- maybe just a trip to a nearby town- but sometimes, going out, leaving the negative area, and building positive memories together is all that you need to do. Maybe you can get a simple board game and invite the family to play it together?

I do want to say though that I am a little concerned about your sister though; I think you need to show her that you are there for her. You may not be able to heal the wounds she may carry, but you can show her you're there. You can give her a hug when her face looks glum. You can be there. That may be all she needs.
Please do check this though for further advice for your sister. If it looks like she is very serious, you should bring up the issue with one of your parents.

Most of all, despite the fact you may feel scared and upset - never forget to always go to Allah.
Because He can help you. Pray your Salah with so much sincerity and plead and plead and plead.

'Voyage to your Lord, even if broken and bruised'

It's now your time to shine.
the wound is where the light enters
Have hope in Allah, make dua - Let the Light Enter.

I pray for a peaceful Ramadan for all my sisters, and peace in the home and in the heart. Ameen

Lots of Love. Please try, at least, to smile. :)

8 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

nUr August 6, 2011 at 10:20 PM  

Wanna give a big huuuuuggg to you too sister!
It ain't easy to live in that situation, but whenever your heart feel pain , heal it with du'a to our Rabb. He knows well, He puts you in this trial so He is the One that can help you to go through with it. Ask for the strength and of course, PATIENCE is needed. Maybe you and your sister can share the feelings together and support each other. It is nice to have someone that can comfort us and the shoulders to cry on. With that, inshaAllah, you will feel a little bit of calm..

Anonymous,  August 7, 2011 at 5:53 PM  

Subhanallah! Last night, I was having a hard time thinking about the problems I face in my family. We fought over little issues. Issues that were supposed to be mini turned into arguments plus issues that are not related at all. Was thinking about writing to dear little auntie, but decided to pour it all out to Allah instead, cried n cried. I just did't know what to do. I was not the kind of person who likes to share any of my problem to friends because I would only like to pour it all out to Allah. Humans don't understand. Even though how good they are to you, they will always have judgments in their head. And I certainly would not like them to make any about my own family. And today, I saw this article. Thank you Allah..^_^

TheSisterWhoSmiles August 8, 2011 at 5:32 AM  

@nUr: Some excellent advice there honey, that is true - PATIENCE is key (:

@Anon: That made me 'dorky-smile' and gave me wonderful goosebumps. (: SubhanAllah <3

Much love to all <3 (: Smile :D

OzarksUSA August 8, 2011 at 11:52 AM  

This is good advice. Happy Ramadan. :-)

Anonymous,  August 9, 2011 at 8:15 AM  

I feel heartbroken too whenever I read about family problem:'( Try follow advice and do not lose hope. My Dua' is with you sister.

Little Auntie August 10, 2011 at 11:50 PM  

Awww, Anonymous! SubhanAllah!

I just wanna remind all of us here that our families here will never be perfect and there will always be problems. This is the dunya... It's the way we deal with the problems that matters.

One thing you can try doing now that Ramadan is here and saying that you're tired of all the fights and why don't you guys start over? Call for a family meeting together. You want to rebuild respect, trust, cooperation and honesty in your house. Decide together on the rules that are acceptable in the house. Decide what words are allowed in the house and what are not. Put up signs on the wall. …You’re going to build your family all over again :) If chores are a problem, make a schedule.

Also! It's important that we plan fun days with our families... Have a barbeque. Go to a theme park. Invite some family friends over. Do an activity together. Sign up for a class together. Bake a cake with your mom and sister. Plan a holiday together to a nearby city. Go to an Islamic convention together. Make a goal together- and put money in little jar for it.

Read Qur’an together and pray together. I cannot stress how important that is. I’m not only talking about the 5 prayers. Wake up before fajr at least 20 minutes and pray a few rakahs..wake your sister up....

InshaAllah things will get better <3

oldie goldie August 11, 2011 at 5:24 PM  

excellent advice. inshaAllah things will get better for the sister and her family!

Apple Blossoms January 16, 2012 at 9:07 PM  

SubhanAllah, listen to this lecture. It is absolutely amazing! It's by Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari. I felt loads better after listening to it, alhamdulillah.

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Asalamu aialkum!
Well, what do you think? You know, you're part of the team, as well. Please help a sister out and share your own advice/experiences/etc. One for all and all for one =)
P.S. I reserve the right to remove any disrespectful comment ;)

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