>> Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Assalamualaikum dear little auntie,such a good blog you got there,your blog really inspired me.i have one question.
Sometimes,i dont know why is it so hard to me to be grateful with i have,it seems like it never enough.i know,I just need to learn how to be grateful of what I have.I should I should I should! but sometimes i cant,it always happen to me.sometimes,i wish i was pretty like other girls,why they have to be so pretty but im not.why they get better life than me but im not.thank you

Dear Gorgeous,
I know what you mean. It’s hard being a girl these days. And it can be really hard to feel beautiful. After all, we’re constantly being showered with images of beautiful women and asked to compare ourselves to them. But you know what? You know all of those models on the runway, actresses on television, characters in books, photographs in magazines…those don’t reflect reality. How many women do you know look like that?

GORGEOUS, yes, that's YOU, you need to know something.

Real women have moles, stretch marks, pimples, and dark circles underneath their eyes. Real women have split ends, dandruff, dry skin, etc. Real women have crow’s feet (wrinkles next to their eyes)..wrinkles next to their mouth

Those are real women.

Unfortunately, we live in an airbrushed world, though, where all of this is hidden. And because we don’t see them on TV or other mass media, we start to think that we’re not beautiful, let alone normal. It doesn’t help that there are a number of industries that make their money out of making us feel ungrateful for what we have (eg. The cosmetics industry, plastic surgery industry, etc)
To make matters worse, not only are we taught to look out for “flaws”, but the media often tries to portray one standard of beauty.

But the truth is that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. It really is. I want you to take a look at these pictures.


Which one is the most beautiful to you? Okay, now I want you to ask your sister…your brother…your mother…how about a neighbor? No, I’m not suddenly doing some market research, but I am trying to answer your question. And what I’m trying to reach at is that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Did everyone you ask pick the same one? What if you asked 100 people? Do you think they’d all choose the same one?

What one person may consider beautiful, another person may not. Personally, when my niece washes her hair and her cute little curls show, I think she looks absolutely eatable. Her grandmother (from her other side), though, winces and runs to get a brush (and lots of cream). See what I mean? We all see beauty in our own way.

Alhamdulla, there are a number of things you can do, though, so that you start to feel better about yourself.

  1. Remind yourself that Allah, your Lord, fashioned you. The Creator of the heavens and the earth is the One who designed you. Just because you are His Creation, you are already beautiful. I mean sometimes I walk into brand shops and when I look around, I laugh when I think about people actually buying the stuff there (especially for the prices there). But you know what? People do buy it. And they’re proud of it. Because it’s a brand and it was made by Prada, or Chanel, or Dior, for instance. How about you? You were designed by God, Himself? You are, literally, a priceless masterpiece.

And think about this…if someone designed something just for you, a sweater (for instance), wouldn’t you appreciate it? Allah made you the person that you are out of7 billion people. Talk about special! Shouldn't you appreciate that?

2. If you really want to feel grateful, go to a burn unit in a hospital or just look at some pictures online. There are pictures of severe acne and tumors as well that you should probably look at. Or how about pictures of different children born with severe deformities?Darling, if you can’t stomach it, then you have a lot to be grateful for. There are hundreds of thousands of people who wish they could look like you and may never be able to.

3. Sit down and think about what you do like about yourself. Try to concentrate on those features. I want you to pick at least four things that you like. You can even ask your friends. Whenever you feel a little ungrateful, I want you to remind yourself of those features. And remember that Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala says:

“And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed My punishment is severe.'”

4. Think about what you look at. Are you constantly watching shows/ skimming magazines of airbrushed women? Honestly, I once watched a show about women who were suddenly transformed from “ugly ducklings (read- normal people)” into “swans”. You know what? I walked away from that show traumatized. Instead of feeling good about myself, I suddenly began to notice things I never once thought of. (Of course, I stopped watching it after I realized it was haraam).What you watch will affect you.

That also applies to the conversations you have with your friends. Are you guys always talking about looks?

5. Smile! And be nice and accepting of others. The more that you accept others regardless of their color, size, and shape, the more that you change your perspective of beauty. And, that perspective should apply to you, as well…

6. Try not to compare yourself with your friends, sisters, neighbors, etc, unless you think it will make you feel better about yourself. Remind yourself that everyone has different abilities and different blessings. Allah has blessed all of us with different things and different degrees.

And remember, there's always a lot more than you can see. That 'pretty girl' that you think has the perfect life... Who told you that she doesn't go home and cry? Who told you that she doesn't throw up to 'fit into that size 0'? Just because someone is beautiful doesn't mean that their life is perfect, at all. You have to realize that you don't know what goes on in their lives at all.

7. Get rid of any old un-photogenic pictures or clothes that make you feel ugly. You don’t want to keep things that make you feel down.

8. If there are some things that you can do that will help you feel better, do it. If you have bad acne, for example, you might want to see a dermatologist. If you have dandruff, you might want to try a different shampoo. But while you are doing these things, you realize that you still have a lot to be grateful for.

Finally, sister, beauty fades. I’m sure you’ve seen pictures of actresses who’ve grown old…or you know someone yourself who has gotten a little older and you were a little startled to think about how different they look. Why worry so much about something that is bound to fade? Instead, appreciate what you have now while you have it and remember that it’s what’s inside that truly counts. It’s your willingness to help those vulnerable, your thoughtfulness, your patience, your spiritual growth, your impact on those around you, etc that matter.

Always remember..YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

You can also take a look at the Dove Evolution video, too, to see what really happens behind the so called 'beautiful actresses'. 

12 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

Aziza December 13, 2011 at 1:57 PM  

MashAllah very good advice little miss aunty. <3 As long as we are beautiful and perfect in Allah's sight, that's all that matters. I know it can be difficult not to fall into the classic traps every now and then, but I think if we remember the reality (for example that beauty fades like you said) we will feel alot more confident about who we are, INSHALLAH! :)

Anonymous,  December 13, 2011 at 10:24 PM  

Always love your advice :). You know something I do to remind myself that these celebrities are not really what they seem I google images of them without make up and without the special effects used! It is quite eye-opening b/c you realize they look just like you and me.

It took a lot of struggle out of me to finally see my own beauty. Then I started to notice beauty when I surrounded myself with other religious women. When I stopped shaping my eyebrows...I was so nervous. But then I started to notice that even though other beautiful sisters stopped or never did them...they still looked beautiful. Their amazing mannerisms and personalities made them more attractive. Girls that wore make up and dressed up...started to look ugly b/c of their haughty attitudes. Most of all, after I would pray...I would look for the noor in my face and in the faces of my other beloved sisters...and it was apparent! Beauty comes hand in hand with purity :)

Anonymous,  December 14, 2011 at 5:08 AM  

When I started to wear hijab, I found the fact that every woman is very beautiful in herself, actually.

I go home and take off hijab, then I think i am quite beautiful just with my own hairs and neckline etc...(sounds like i am a narcissist^^;)

I think women are abusing themselves to look beautiful nowadays, and so many people don't appreciate women's beauty. They just tend to criticize over women's appearance.

There is a muslimah I know who is ridiculously beautiful. When she upload her pics on facebook, she gets some 100 likes and 50 comments(sometimes far more). I more worry her than envy her, seriously.

As always Jakaki Allaho khairan for impressive post.

Anonymous,  December 14, 2011 at 7:08 AM  

I think I can relate 100% to the Sister who sent in her question. This advice came in so much at the right time, subhanAllah! Little Auntie, THANK YOU, JAZAK ALLAH for this post, it made my heart lift, I feel so much better now. And yes,as Sister Sippingchai said, beauty comes from within with purity. Thankyou. I feel so awesome. Al hamdulillah! :D :D

seekingpatience,  December 14, 2011 at 6:58 PM  

It's soo true. The grass always looks greener on the other side.

Trust me, all of those sister's who you see are so pretty, they think the same about you.

The truth is, we are our own worst scrutinizing-judge. We look in the mirror and we examine ourselves so much more than anyone would ever notice. SubhanAllah.

Anonymous,  December 15, 2011 at 7:11 PM  

Hi, I'd like to submit a question. How do I do it? I can't find the contact page. Jazakumullahu khairen

Anonymous,  December 16, 2011 at 12:13 AM  

(same anonymous as above)

wow, totally forgot, I'm talking to my fellow Muslim sisters, lol.

Assalamu alaikum!
I'd like to submit a question. Please tell me how.

I had written the previous comment too quickly. ^_^

Little Auntie December 16, 2011 at 12:24 AM  

^wa'alykum as salam!

Anonymous, I'm really sorry, but I removed the contact page because we have already reached number of questions allotted per month. Could you please wait a little until we have finished answering this month's questions? Jazakillah khair for your understanding :)

Anonymous,  December 16, 2011 at 11:28 AM  

ohh ok. that is fine. Inshallah I will wait until you guys put the contact so I can submit my question inshallah. Jazakumallahu khair :)

Anonymous,  December 16, 2011 at 3:45 PM  

Love #6! I think a lot of girls fall into the trap of comparing themselves to those around them. And once you start pleasing Allah by making your heart beautiful, your appearance will automatically become beautiful as well!
Jazzak Allah Khayr, Little Aunties! You always know exactly what to say. :)

Anonymous,  December 17, 2011 at 7:19 AM  

Asalaam Alaykum!
Sippingchai: I know what you mean. Most celebrities look just like us without makeup. And let's not forget the number of people who work on them- hair stylists, dietitians, make up artists, etc
Anonymous: I agree! There are too many women abusing themselves for beauty. And it's really because seekingpatience said that we are our own scrutinizing judges.
And everyone else- jazak Allah khair for your insight!

Unknown December 18, 2011 at 8:02 AM  

Assalaamu'alaikum Little Miss Aunty :)

May Allah bless you for this wonderful post. Alhamdulillah, it opened my eyes yet again to how special and truly beautiful we are because Allah Himself has made us.

And I always practice no.7 even though some people might say that it shows how much I lack self confidence for not being able to accept the 'true' me in those pictures. :D

Again, jazaakillah khairan little miss aunty. :)

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Asalamu aialkum!
Well, what do you think? You know, you're part of the team, as well. Please help a sister out and share your own advice/experiences/etc. One for all and all for one =)
P.S. I reserve the right to remove any disrespectful comment ;)

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