That Guy on Twitter

>> Thursday, February 16, 2012

Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem
I am recently using twitter again, and so I decided to look for a hashtag of #Islam so that I could follow people who would post inspiring messages concerning Islam. While searching, I came across someone who also posts about Islam and to his "future wife".
Uhmm, this may sound weird though, but I always feel glad when reading his post. I have the hope that he could be my future husband. After all, based on his info he is also 20 years old. Alhamdulillah, Muslim sisters and brothers in twitter do not post their real picture, so I thought maybe there is no fitna being cause there.
Uhmm, so my question is, is it right if I would message hia ‘cyber mom’ asking if that person has already someone in his heart? So that if there is, then I wouldn’t be praying that someday we could meet each other, and instead just pray that they would have a blessed life.
I’m sorry for this, I believed this really sound silly. I’m just quite envious to those who are married already, because it does not cause them fitna. Additionally, we are residing in a place of which minority are Muslims
JazzakhAllahuKhairan for everything  Fi amanilah little aunties!

Wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo, Mysterious Identity!

I'm sure a lot of sisters can relate to your question.

If there's one thing I know, it is so darn easy to fall in love, online. It is.

You know why? Because all you see is the 'perfect, witty, intellectual, smart side'. Let's face it. When you're reading someone's tweets and their facebook statuses, you're dealing with an idealized version of a person. It's sort of like the "photoshopping of thoughts". You don't have to deal with 'the person's anger problems, stinginess, moodiness, generally unreasonable behavior, or anything of that sort. You just see a few perfect lines of wisdom and humor.

Bottom line: we always present the very best of us on the net (I do it with my blog, too)..We reveal only that which we want to reveal...and we hide what we want to conceal. So, when you're reading this guy's tweets and thinking that he is your Prince Charming, realize that you actually haven't been witness to any of his behavior. You are 'attracted' to this person's writings, but you haven't actually met the real him.

Does that mean I'm saying "Forget it"?

Not exactly. I'm just warning you that he could be someone totally unlike what you think he is....

That said....let's talk about the whole of the situation.

* Would your parents allow you to marry a 20 year old? Does this person have a job? Would your parents have a problem if he doesn't?

If your parents would care ( or if there is any other factor that might make your parents refuse him), there's no reason to drag him into a discussion on marriage, when your parents wouldn't approve of him, anyways.

IF, on the other hand, your parents wouldn't care, I don't think that it is a bad idea to contact the person he has listed as his cyber mom. Why not? Hehe :)

(I like how you said you would contact his mom and not him :D As you and I know, we're not supposed to have direct contact with a non-mahram without having our walis/ mahrams involved.)

If you're backing out of that idea or you feel too weird doing that, you could always enlist the help of an older friend/ auntie/ older sister and let her "try to do some matchmaking". For example, your older woman friend could message the 'cyber mom" and say something like:

"Wow, ma'shaAllah ta'barakAllah, your son seems like a very good and pious young man. I'm always on the lookout for a husband for my sister/friend/etc. and I see that you're living in the same area. My sister's Twitter profile is...  Do you think your son would be interested in knowing more about her and seeing if they are compatible?"

What else can you do?
- Pray istikharah
- Make general duas :D

I read this quote that sums up all that I wanted to say about making general duas:
As tempting as it may be, let’s try to not ask Allah to give us a specific spouse ‘by name’. We might really like someone and imagine them to be our only Mr or Mrs Right, our Destiny. However, only Allah knows what that particular person is truly like and whether they would be a ‘pure match’ for us. Instead let’s ask Allah to choose our spouse, to guide us to who He knows will be a good match. By truly putting our trust in our Creator we will be certain that He will give us someone better suited to us than we would have chosen ourselves, Insha’Allah!
[www.PureMatrimony.com]

I understand that you live in a place where Muslims are a minority. It can be really frustrating and worrying when you feel like there aren't any Muslims around and you wonder how are you possibly going to get married?
- Remember to be active within even your minority Muslim community. On the bright side of things, since there aren't that many Muslims around, your name is more likely to be mentioned when there's an available brother =P
- Try talking to your parents about joining a Muslim matrimonial website such as "Half our Deen" or "Pure Matrimony". You don't have to be looking at only people within your area.

And remember this...Allah is the best of Planners. I know it sounds 'cliche' but it is true. He really is. Marriage is a LOT of work. Look around you at the married people- they're all "why do you want to get married? Enjoy your single life..."

The single people wanna get married and the married people dream about their single days. But if we can all decide to be happy and content with the ways things are now...things would be a lot easier :)

Hope that helps a teensy weensy bit =)

7 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

sippingchai February 16, 2012 at 8:18 PM  

Great words of advice as always! I really like the quote about not asking Allah (swt) for marriage to a specific person. The imam I was talking to when I was frustrated about marriage once said to me, "You will always marry the person you least expect." IT is true! Only Allah (swt) knows who is best for us and we should just ask Him (swt) for the best husband.

Anonymous,  February 16, 2012 at 8:38 PM  

thank you little aunties for posting this awesome article. and than you to sippingchai for the insightful comment, it reli made me think. JAZAKALLAH KHAIR!

SippingChai February 17, 2012 at 2:42 AM  

Anonymous,

No problem! Glad I could help :)

Shireen Baig February 18, 2012 at 11:56 PM  

I can so agree with the last part - now that I am goin to be married this year (inshalla) when someone tells me they wanna be married, the first thing that comes to my mind is 'why do you wanna get married'
sippingchai - I can so agree with your comment.

Anonymous,  February 20, 2012 at 8:20 PM  

Alhamdulillah.Awesome words of advice, I think it is amazing how the aunties help and explain stuff at a level where all ages can understand.
I am new to the site and needed to ask advice myself, Can anyone please tell me how i can ask an aunty a question?

Little Auntie February 21, 2012 at 8:04 AM  

Sippingchai, that's so true, subhanAllah :D
LOL, shireen! Congrats, though ;P

Last Anonymous- welcome to the sisterhood! This blog is what it is because of the wonderful sisters here who support each other.
Now, we actually do have a contact page, but we remove it when we've received the maximum number of questions. We already have February's questions in...But if you wait a bit, it should be up, soon, inshaAllah :)

Anonymous,  October 10, 2012 at 3:17 PM  

Manshallah

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Asalamu aialkum!
Well, what do you think? You know, you're part of the team, as well. Please help a sister out and share your own advice/experiences/etc. One for all and all for one =)
P.S. I reserve the right to remove any disrespectful comment ;)

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