My Friend. The Concert. and Me.

Ok so I have a problem that's been bugging me all of a sudden. I have a Muslim friend who wears hijab but is absolutely in love with music. I don't talk to her about her music I don't show interest in it just to give her the idea that you know maybe if I'm like that you shouldnt either kind of thing, to be an example. But obviously that doesn't work, as I've come to realise in this case. So I guess since I haven't showed any interest she talks about her music with people who care like non Muslims and such. Keep in mind this has happened since like high school and now I'm in university. Now sheis planning to go to some concert in our town to see her favorite band.
Anyways, the thing is that I know that I'm to blame to some degree for this because I encouraged her by ignoring this love for music she has. I know that I should be a better friend and stop this by giving her sincere advice. The problem I have is how do i do this?
We're close friends although it's hard to explain since I don't share this love for music with her. I chose to ignore it because I knew that if I cared to acknowledge this I would become just like her, like the Prophet (SAW) said.
The thing is that I want to connect with her on an islamic level and advise her in a way where i don't hurt her feelings, or give advice that will not make her think Im doing it because she thinks im better than her. I know I have to do it properly, so please givee me advice on how to give advice. I dont want to see her do this, to go to that concert. I know if I can connect with her maybe this will be the first step to connecting with her on a more islamic level.
Jasakullah Khair,A confused/worried friend

Dearest a Worried Friend, 

First of all, I want to say that it's really refreshing to see that you are concerned with your friend's Hereafter. What's even more beautiful about your email is that you are concerned even with the part you might have played or not played in your friend's addiction. See, so many of us would be like "I don't listen to music. I don't tell her about any songs. Alhamdullialh, I'm all good. IF she chooses to listen to music, what she does is nona my beezwax". But your email shows that you are aware of a greater role you have.  You're aware that your role includes the role of a "protector" as the Quran says:

And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends (awliyah) one of another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger. As for these, Allah will have mercy on them. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise.} [9:71]

This is something many of us forget. We forget that that "ignoring" something is an action, itself. It's a "choice" that we make. By not saying anything about it, we shine the green light. We tell them that what they're doing is "okay".  [We wouldn't let our friends jump off a cliff, would we? Why do we let them jump into sins which could be more dangerous to them in the Hereafter?]

I'm saying this not to you (who seem to have already  understood this) but to myself first of all and the other sisters who are reading this. It's something so many of us have fallen into.

So now..what can you do about it? How can you go bring up the issue with her without "hurting" or 'offending her"?

The first method is the "honest and sincere friend" method. It's the direct approach. 

To do this you need to first talk about what she does that is good and then bring up what you would like to help her with. Make sure to mention how difficult it is for you to talk about this and the reason why you are talking about it: to help her. Let her know how you would appreciate her help, too, in whatever you need help in.

 Most of all, talk to her from your heart just like you did in this email--

Try saying something like this:

"Sara/Fatimah/whatever, there's something I really need to talk to you about. It's been eating me up for the past few weeks...I really am not sure how to say this..You know, right, how I've always admired the fact that you're one of the few girls with us who choose to wear hijab and *e.g* pray the prayers regularly, ma'shaAllah ta'barakAllah? That really shows how you're proud to be a Muslim and how you are trying to put Allah first, ma'shaAllah. Well, the thing is, you know that concert you want to go to? I know you love that group and you're really excited about it, but as your Muslim sister who loves for you what she loves for herself, I'm not really sure that's a great idea. I know you might be thinking "Spare me the lecture" and honestly, I thought a lot before being able to say anything about it..The only reason why I'm telling you this is because Allah told us to help each other on His path. The thing is, subhanAllah, scholars today actually talk about how music itself isn't permissible..what about going to a concert where there's going to be people dancing and maybe even drinking and doing other things? Can you really imagine telling the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam that you're going to a concert? What about Allah who gave you the gift of your ears?  

 Give her a chance to talk....Hear her out. Wait for her to finish.

Once she's done talking and it's your turn, it can be very tempting to "pounce/ show where her thinking is "wrong".  But what I've found out (especially from a book about teaching, lol) is that doesn't usually get someone to listen to you. If you want her to continue listening to you, it's important to reaffirm her feelings. Acknowledge her feelings/ what she's said. You can say something like "I really do know that you were really looking forward to it/ I can tell that what I told you made you a little hurt/ I know you don't need another mommy. You definitely could have more imaan in your heart than me and I'm definitely not judging you, but the thing is, about what you said..

And then, calmly address whatever she has to say:

- For example, if she brings up having already bought the ticket: "Since you already bought the ticket and you feel bad about wasting that money, what if you consider that by not going you spent that much money trying to please Allah? Getting a ticket to Allah's pleasure? or even: I'd gladly get that ticket off your hands and have no problem paying you for it. "

IF she tells you:  "Everyone's going" you can smile and say "Well,you know, I'm not going and I was thinking of having a nice little gathering in my house with some halaal nasheeds, good food,and good friends. It would be a chance to get out our hair curlers and make up and dress up :P

If she says something like " You live only once" , you could say "It's true that our culture says that but in reality, we live twice. Every action we take, we're going to have to face on the Day of Judgment".   

Once you've answered whatever she's said, it's up to her to decide to accept the nasiha or not. Give her some time to digest what you've told her. That's the first method :)

The second method is the indirect approach, where you post a video, hadith, fatwa, tafsir, etc. on your facebook page (for example) talking about music and you tag your friends in it. Or you email it to them (if they do not have facebook). You say something like "I've learned some more information about music in Islam and I thought it was too important not to share".

This method is riskier in the sense that she might not actually see it. You could however tell her in person that you watched something and it really changed your perception on music and invite her to watch it with you. The Deen Show had some interesting episodes on this :) 

Like this one, by a former musician who studied music and knows way more about music than most of us and shocking truths about it:

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhm1oL7OZ1Q 

Once you've done either of these 2 steps, even if you feel like it didn't work and she's still into music, you can still connect more on an Islamic level by bringing up other topics. Turn your your attention to other things. You can share with her an interesting Islamic lecture such as Yasmin's "Love and Selecting Your Marriage Partner". 



Share with her an interesting story you heard about the Sahaba or funny joke of the prophet (sallah Allahoo alyhaee wa salm). Try getting her interested in nasheeds or discovering even interesting Islamic lectures (short ones like Quran Weekly)....Be patient and make dua for her =)

Well sister, that's my little advice for you. My deeeeeeeeepest apologies for the late reply!

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Honesty and Cheating

My parents have always stressed the importance of education and I've always worked very hard to get the best grades possible. There's only one small thing. I somehow fell into the habit of cheating over the years. As I'm now becoming  a better Muslim, I feel the need to stop. I need some help in this!

Asalamualaikum wa rahmatullah!

I sincerely do apologize for the late reply. Please forgive me.

Alhamdulillah, I'm glad you've realized that cheating's not the way to go. It could get any one of us in trouble not only in this world, but also in the hereafter. May Allah swt guide us all. Ameen!

Okay, now on to your question, I can tell you what I would do/did in this situation.

First-off, let's take what you said: "I've always worked very hard to get the best grades possible. There's only one small thing. I somehow fell into the habit of cheating over the years." Do you see how that's a bit contradictory? :P We have to always remind ourselves that Allah swt is always watching. I was just telling my brothers the other day when they were taking an online assessment, "I'm not watching you. There's no way I'll know of you use Google to look up answers, your teachers also won't know, but Allah swt WILL know. The One who actually counts will know. Allah is the all seeing and the all hearing. You won't be able to hide from him." And then think about it, do we really want to cheat in front of Allah swt? The One who created us? shaped us? Made us? The One who bestowed so many blessings upon us...how can we not be ashamed to do it in front of Him? I remember from a recent MSA event, the speaker was talking about the topic "double life" and how we need to as Muslims recognize and know Allah swt, how we should learn of his attributes and truly try understanding them do it'll be easier for us to adhere to the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad saw.

And then, think about how much better you would feel if the work you did and the grade you got was actually the one you deserved? If you did really well, then you'd feel accomplished, right? And if you don't do so well, it's okay. We all learn from our mistakes. Now you'd know what you'd have to improve on. Do your best, and trust in Allah swt.

"One day Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it and he asked the Bedouin, “Why don’t you tie down your camel?” The Bedouin answered, “I put my trust in Allah.” The Prophet then said, “Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah” (At-Tirmidhi)."

Renew your niyah. Why are you going to school? Every single action we do can ideally become a source of 'ibaadah. What's leading to you to being dishonest in this matter? Ask yourself these questions.

Make du'aa to Allah swt. May He guide us all to the straight path.

There's an ayah in the Quran that says:

Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows that which you do. (29:45)

That means, the effect of salah stops a Muslim from sin. That is why you have got to focus on improving your prayer. Make two rak'aah nafl and ask Allah swt to make this easy for you.

"... if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed." (I am as my servant thinks of me Hadith, related in Bukhari).

 SubhanAllah, just ponder over this!

Make use if the tools we're given through the sunnah. Remember the du'aa when studying:

Allahhumma laa sahla illaa ma ja'althu sahla wa anta taj 'allul hazna idhaa shi'ta sahla.

"Oh Allah, you can make the difficult if you wish easy."

And study well! Be prepared! Read our tips on how to correctly study and get the best grades possible. 

Finally, if you cheated with your friend's "help", tell your friends that you've given it up. You want to get the best grade possible for both tests (the Hereafter and this test) and to do that, you can't cheat. Tell them that you appreciate they're "not helping" you in this way anymore, but they are welcome to quiz you and really study with you, etc. 

Well sister, we wish you the best grades possible! Allah ma'aki (Allah is with you).
Apple Blossoms

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But Can it Really Come True?

There's something I really want and I know that it's like near impossible for me to get it. I've done all that I can to be "accepted" in it, but I know that I should be making more dua. The problem is that a part of me just feels like "There's no way my dua will be accepted. It's just too hard". I don't know what to do about that. It's like whenever I try to put my faith and trust in Allah, shaitaan distracts me. I'm finding it hard to do so now and I feel soooooo lost sometimes. Please advise me.

Dear Needing to Trust,

First of all, let me start off by saying that I hope you get whatever is best for you, inshaAllah.

Second of all, I understand that there's something that you want, but you feel like it's "almost impossible" for it to happen. Like it just "can't realistically be". 

Well, hunny, the simple (and amazing) truth is that it may be "too hard" for YOU, but it's not too hard for Allah. HE is not like us. 

Allah is Al Aziz. He is "All Mighty". To Him belongs victory, strength, and might (i.e. al-Izzah) and overcoming (all else)

And there is nothing in the Heavens and nor in the Earth that can render Allâh incapable ” (Faatir 35:44).”

He is also "Al Malik"; He is the Owner and the the One who executes His command in His possession. He can command, make and do whatever He wants. 

He says "Be" and it is. 

That's why the first thing you gotta do is stop confusing human abilities with Allah's abilities. Don't impose human limitations on Allah.  There's nothing that is impossible for Him to do.

Nothing!

Who was it but Allah who allowed a burning fire to feel cold to Prophet Abraham? 

Who was it but Allah who saved Prophet Yunus when he was in the whale’s belly in the deep of the ocean in the pitch of the night? 

Who was it but Allah that allowed Prophet Moosa’s rod split the ocean into half and let the people of the Israelis cross?

No dua is too hard for Him to respond to. 

 Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala always always responds to our duas (provided the person is not asking for haraam things or eating haram money and the other conditions are fulfilled). 

Don't take my word for it. Look at the Quran: 

And your Lord says, ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you.’ Indeed, those who disdain My worship will enter Hell [rendered] contemptible,”(Qur’an, 40:60). 

(See how Allah compares those who do not make dua as those who do disdainHis worship?)

"When my servants ask you concerning me, (tell them) I am indeed close (to them). I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calls on me." [2:186] 

In fact, if we look at the Quran, we see lots of  stories of people making duas and having their duas answered in the most INCREDIBLE ways. 

 Take Prophet Nuh alyhee as salat wa'salam: 

Nuh prayed, "Lord, help me; I am defeated". (10) We opened the gates of the sky and water started to pour down. (11) We caused the earth to burst forth with springs so that the waters could come together for a predestined purpose. (12)We carried him, (Nuh), on a vessel built with boards fixed together with nails, (13) which floated on the water before Our very eyes. [Sura 54: Al Qamar]

Allah caused a barren desert to flood with torrential rain and springs of water because of the dua of His servant!  As Al Aziz (the Al Mighty), He came to the victory of His servant.

And what about Zakariya?

And [mention] Zakariya, when he called to his Lord, ‘My Lord, do not leave me alone [with no heir], while you are the Best of Inheritors.’ So We responded to him, and We gave to him Yahya, and amended for him his wife. Indeed, they used to hasten to good deeds and supplicate Us in hope and fear, and they were to Us humbly submissive.” (Qur’an, 21:89-90)

Zakariya's wife was actually infertile, yet because he prayed to Allah and asked for an heir, Allah caused her to be fertile! He granted them a righteous son.

And Prophet Ayub, too: 

He fell ill with a debilitating disease and lost his family too. He didn't complain but rather turned to Allah:

“And (remember) Ayub, when he cried to his Lord, “Truly distress has seized me, but You are the Most Merciful of those that are merciful.” (Qur’an, 21:83)

Allah responded in the most amazing way: He granted him a new family (double the size of the family he'd had) and also cured him. 

“Then We heard his prayer and removed that adversity from which he suffered, and We gave him his household (that he had lost) and the like thereof along with them, a mercy from near Us, and a remembrance for the worshipers.” (Qur’an, 21:84)

 Now, I can almost hear you say..."Yeah, I know all that...But....those persons were special. Not like little o'le me." 

A lot of us fall into that trap! We attribute their duas being answered because "well, they were prophets or righteous persons". But when we really think about that, that's actually belittling Allah's Name, AL MUJEEB. Yes, those who are obedient and extremely pious have "special duas", but the fact of the matter is that Allah is AL MUJEEB. This is His attribute- that means HE answers the call of the supplicant...be it a poor old woman or a mighty king...a little girl or a prophet. 

You and me.

He promised us that. 

“Or who listens to the soul distressed when it calls on Him, and who relieves its suffering” (NAML, 62)

And in yet, in another verse of the Quran, Allah describes Himself not only as the one who responds but as the "Best" one who responds: ...[We are] the best of responders.(75)  (Surah 37)

The BEST Of responders!! Think of your mother when you ask her for a favor...or your best friend who you can call in the middle of the night. Allah's a better responder than that. He has the full Power and authority to grant you whatever you need...and what's more, He knows what you need and what is best for you! He is Generous, AlMighty, Compassionate and Wise. 

Doesn't reading these verses help you trust Him more? Seriously, if you want to trust in Allah more, you've got to "know" more about Him! Read the Quran and see His Beautiful Attributes. Watch lectures on His names, such as this series: An Introduction to the Series of "Living with Allah's Names"

The second thing to realize is that you're totally right in saying that Shaytaan is trying to distract you when you want to make dua. You see, the prophet sallah Allahoo Alyhee wa salam said: “Dua is Ibadah [worship]” (Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and Abu Dawud). 

Like all acts of worship, Shaytaan doesn't want you doing dua. But this is especially true in the case of dua. The reason being that dua is really intense ibada or worship because it puts us in the place of the servant and puts Allah as our Master; it demonstrates our belief in our Creator and our knowledge of His Uniqueness, Kingdom, Sovereignty. It shows our belief in "tawheed" totally. So obviously, when you raise your hands and get ready to make dua, Shaytaan understands that you're about to do some serious worship. He doesn't want you to do that, so he starts to put doubts in your heart or whispers to you something so you even forget to make dua.  

That's why what I like to do sometimes is just sit down and list a couple of duas that I really need to make. I jot them down quickly (writing them down helps me be firmer in my resolution to make them as duas) and then, I sit down, turn off the lights, sit in a room by myself and supplicate to Allah.The list really helps me remember all that I wanted to make dua for and it makes me more conscious of the fact that I have things I need to supplicate for (no matter what Shaytaan tries to convince me of).

Of course the last thing we have to say is seek refuge in Allah! Don't forget to say Audoo billah also when you start getting such thoughts.

I hope inshaAllah this post helps you a bit.

Lots of love,

P.s. Take a look at our 2 posts: "God Answered Me" and "I Didn't Get in" to read more about duas =)

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Marrying Imam Mahdi?

 I have been reading more and more into Islam. I'm 15 and by my own choice, I embraced Islam at the age of 13. I was born into a Muslim Pakistani family but wasn't a religious Muslimah before. Now, I try my best to be religious and pious. I even wear an abaya! I know there's always room for improvements so I am not saying I am not perfect. I am not at all perfect, just trying to be the best Muslimah I can be. But like I said, lately I've been reading more  into Islam. It's very interesting especially reading about all the prophets (peace be upon them). My mom was telling me about how the family of the prophets (peace be upon them) will enter Jannah first. I was happy for them at first. I'm still happy for them but now I feel sort of...jealous. I mean, I'm not entirely jealous, but I just wish I could be in their place. They're so lucky to be related to Prophet Muhammad (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam). I wish I was directly related to our Prophet (PBUH). And the wives of the prophets? They're so lucky, Masha-Allah!                                                                                                                                    I'm just pouring out my thoughts here. I know that Imam Mahdi and Prophet Jesus (PBUH) will be arriving soon, Insha-Allah. I can't help wondering if I would make a good enough wife for one of them. I know I probably wouldn't be good enough but I try. But I also know that I wouldn't be good enough because I'm Pakistani and they'll probably choose an Arab girl, anyways. Plus, I doubt that Prophet Jesus (PBUH) would ever marry me because he won't be coming any time soon. I'll probably be crippled old or dead by the time he comes. ): (This makes me sad!)                                                                                                                                   Then I thought that I always have the chance of marrying Imam Mahdi. He may not be a prophet, but he'll be the final rightly-guided Khalifa, Masha-Allah. I mean, if he comes from 2012-2025, I'll still be young enough. And the good part is that his nationality isn't mentioned yet, so if he does marry, he could marry a Pakistani girl (like me).                                                               So basically, I have become obsessed with marrying a rightly-guided man, such as a prophet or an Imam. I'm not saying that I deserve to be married to these men. I'm sure that other women deserve more than me. But I honestly do try my best to be pious. Like I said, I used to have a bad sinful past. I stopped now - I really have! I've been heartbroken so many times in my life. I will never be attracted to another man in my life! I am not lustful to being married to prophets or Imam. I just want a good pious husband so that we can work our way together to Heaven, Insha-Allah. But I know that no man is as pious as the prophets. And the wives of the prophets - they're blessed! They're so lucky! I wish I were them. I wish I were special and favored in the eyes of Allah Subahanahu Wa Taala. I know that I have my imperfections but I try so hard. And now I'm determined to be the wife of at least Imam Mahdi. I know he'll be 40. I don't care if he's 50 and I'm 20.  I know I sound crazy. I am crazy.

I think that if I don't get to marry a prophet or Imam, I will just not marry at all. Maybe if I make it to Jannah, Insha-Allah, I can ask to be married to a prophet, but other than that, I keep myself away from other men because none of them are pious enough. Now that I've let everything off my mind, do you think you would be able to help me, Dear Sis? Maybe, possibly, talk me through this. It's okay if you can't. (: May Allah keep you happy & shower His blessings upon you. Ameen! (:

Dearest Troubled,

First of all, can I just say that this was as cute as a pink twirly swirly cupcake? For real. Your email just brought the hugest smile on my face!

Second, let me say that I'm really weally truly proud of you for choosing to come back to Islam and for repenting from your mistakes, ma'shaAllah. May Allah keep us all guided.  And I just want to reassure/remind you that it's not about "where" you "begin", but what your ending is. That's what matters =)

Anyways! On to the rest of the email :)

On the surface, it looks like your question is: Would it be possible for you to marry Imam Mahdi? Or maybe even possibly Isa alyhee as salam?

But you know what I think? I think we can actually break down your question into 2 major issues here.

A.    Your desire to be in jannah (and have someone support you on the path to jannah)

B.    Your fears that there is no man "pious enough"

Hun, I can't tell you if you can marry Imam Mahdi or not. I don't know any thing really about his wife, but I can tell you this.

Marrying somebody pious doesn't necessarily grant you jannah.

Your spouse can be a major support to "Jannah", but he's not going to be your "Ticket" to jannah.

There's this great quote that I read on the Internet which says:

You might be married to the worst man ever, like Asyah was married to Pharaoh - but it didn’t change her and her loyalty and love to Allah (her aqidah). You might be married to the best of men, like Prophets of God, and still not enter Heaven - like the wives of Prophet Nuh and Prophet Lut. You might be not married to any man, like Maryam (alaiha salam), and Allah can make your rank higher than any women on the Earth. Know your priorities. Love and trust is with Allah first. 

The truth, darling, is that the wives of the Prophets were truly blessed….

But so are we.You and me :)

There are many ayaat and hadiths…soooo many…that show how high our own position can be, too! You don't have to be married to the prophet to go to paradise. You simply have to FOLLOW the prophet!

Let's take a look:

And whoever obeys Allah and the Messenger - those will be with the ones upon whom Allah has bestowed favor of the prophets, the steadfast affirmers of truth, the martyrs and the righteous. And excellent are those as companions. (2: 69)That is the bounty from Allah, and sufficient is Allah as Knower. (2: 70) 

I know that you said that you are "obsessed" right now with "marrying" a prophet. Well, what do you think of being considered like the prophet's sister?

As is narrated by Abu Hurayra, One day Prophet Muhammad (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) came to the graveyard and said:

 O dwellers of the land of believers! Peace be upon you. With God willing, we will also join you. Then he sighed with longing and added, How I miss to see my brothers! The companions beside him said, O Messenger of God, are we not you brothers? The Prophet replied, You are my companions; my brothers have yet to come
The companions asked him:  O Messenger! How will you recognize these people from your community who have yet to come?
Whereupon, the Prophet asked: If someone has a horse with white signs on the forehead and the feet, can he recognize it among black and gray horses?
The companions replied:Yes. He said, “They (my brothers) will come with white streaks from their ablutions, and I will receive them at my cistern. [But there will be some who will be driven away from my cistern as a stray camel is driven away. I will call them to come. It will be said, ‘They changed matters after you,’ then I will say, ‘Be off, be off.”‘] (Related by Muslim.)

What else?

Rabi’a Ibn Ka’eb was once helping out the Prophet with water for his wudu’ (ablution) when the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam said to him, “Ask me (meaning that he would pray for Rabia' whatever he wanted and the prophet's prayers were always answered).”  Rabi’a replied, “I ask to be with you in Paradise.”  “Anything else?” The Prophet asked. “Only that”, Rabi’a said.  To that the Prophet replied, “Then help me to help you (get there), by performing much sujood.”

So you see now, in order for you to be close to the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam and the best people in janah, you don't have to be married to a prophet. You have to lower yourself and do sujood. You have to make sure your heart and every part of you is saying "Glory and Perfection be to you, Allah, Exalted". 

According to another hadith, someone asked our blessed and exalted Prophet, "When shall come the Day of Judgment?" Our Prophet asked him "What preparation have you made for the Day?" The man said, "Nothing, but I have love for Allah and for His Messenger." The Prophet said, "You shall be (on that Day) with whom you love."

 What do you think of the prophets being jealous of you?

 Mu'adh said, "I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, 'Allah, the Mighty and Exalted, says, "Those who love one another for My majesty will have minbars of lights. The Prophets and martyrs will envy them."'" [at-Tirmidhi] 

The truth is that Allah chose the Companions of the prophets and their wives, with full Wisdom and Knowledge. He chose us to be the "followers" also in His Wisdom and Knowledge. Our place and time was decided by Al Hakeem, alhamdullilah.

That doesn't mean that you can't be "favored" or seen as someone special in the sight of Allah. You still can be! We know what we have to do and the extra things that we can do: fasting, charity, helping a neighbor, etc.

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (sallah Allahoo alyhaee wa salam) said: Allah (mighty and sublime be He) said:Whosoever shows enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about [seizing] the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate hurting him.It was related by al-Bukhari. 

 We have to actively work on ourselves. We can't expect "our spouses" to fix us or get us into paradise. 

Okay, well, what about the fact that there is no man "pious" enough out there?

Hun, you really got to cut the guys some slack. They're not perfect. Neither are we.

So you met some "unpious guys"..and you had some really bad experiences. You got to remind yourself that you met these people when you were (probably) not as religious as you are now. Those were the people from your past. But not every single guy is like that.

Really! When the time comes, inshaAllah, it will be different from the experiences you had.  Your family will be involved. It will be out and in the open. It will begin in the name of Allah, inshaAllah.

Did you know that there are people living with us right now who (Allahu' Alim if it is this time, though) could be getting the exact same reward as 50 companions?

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Ahead of you are days of patience, during which being patient will be like grasping a hot coal. The one who does good deeds then will have a reward like that of fifty people who do such deeds.” And, someone else added, they said: O Messenger of Allah, the reward of fifty of them? He said: “The reward of fifty of you(Companions)!” (Abu Dawud and At-Tirmidh). 

The point is that there are good guys out there. Guys who decide to grow beards even though they know that they'll be made fun of because they want to be like the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam. Guys who are memorizing the Book of Allah, seeking ilm, trying to do dawah. 

Guys who are honest business people because they know that the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam said: "A trustworthy and truthful merchant will be raised up with prophets, the truthful, and martyrs on the Day of Resurrection." 

Guys who want to be doctors to help cure sick people and save lives that the Quran says:  "And whoever saves one - it is as if he had saved mankind entirely."

Guys who obey their mothers no matter how uncool it is.

And somewhere out there is the guy for you :) Someone praying for a religious wifey who will help him raise a wonderful family that will make the Prophet proud =)

So, sweets, don't write "marriage off" or think that you have to marry a prophet/ daee to find a good guy. Instead, turn to Allah and ask Him for a good spouse who will help you come closer to Him!

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