Is it a Sign?

>> Friday, May 6, 2011

I'm in a bit of conffuzling situation. I have gotten a proposal from a good brother, alhamdullah. He is from a practicing family and he is well known in the community. There are a few small differences though that we have that are making my family scared from accepting, but for the most, I'm willing to overlook them because I think deen is the most important thing, inshaAllah. Well, my problem is that I prayed istikharah and I didn't have any dreams or anything that showed me what to do. My mother says she had a bad dream, though. Do I take that as a sign? What counts when it comes to istikharah. I'm very confused.

Dear Confuzzled,

I had the biggest smile when I read your e-mail. You know why?

 It’s because I very much feel for you- am excited for you about at this prospect- happy and at the same time understand the internal dilemma

So, let's get to the root of this.... What should we 'see/ feel' after istikhara? 

Well, while 'our aunties' in real life/ people in the community, talk about signs happening....when it comes to istikhara, you're not actually going to see some "neon Sign" telling you "ACCEPT HIM. Allah says so".

Okay, okay, nobody expects a neon sign, but the truth is, a lot of people think you 'have to get some dream' or something like that. Contrary to what many people believe, that’s not necessary.  The most important thing is for you to ‘move forward’ because in the dua you say, “Take him away from me/ bring him to me if he is good/ bad for me."

It is not necessary in the case of istikhaarah to feel something specific afterwards. Rather if you consult people and think deeply about the matter, and it becomes clear to you that this matter will be beneficial both in religious and worldly terms, then you should pray istikhaarah and go ahead, and not wait for a sign or a dream or a feeling. You should rather put your trust in Allaah and go ahead after praying istikhaarah.

And also: The correct view is that when Allaah makes something easy for you – after having decreed it and accepted your du’aa’ – this is a sign that it is good to go ahead and do it. The existence of obstacles and difficulties is an indication that Allaah is pushing His slave away from doing it. This meaning will be very clear when one ponders the meaning of the hadeeth of Jaabir concerning al-istikhaarah, where the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“… O Allaah, if You know this affair – [and here he should mention it] – is good for me in relation to my religion, my life, and end, then decree and facilitate it for me, and bless me with it, and if You know this affair to be ill for me towards my religion, my life, and end, then remove it from me and remove me from it, and decree for me what is good wherever it be and make me satisfied with such.” 

Another of the myths that are widespread among people is that after praying istikhaarah you should sleep, and whatever good you see in your dream that makes you happy means that what you want to do is good and will be made easy for you, otherwise it is not good.  There is no saheeh daleel (evidence) for this as far as we know. 

The above does not mean that if you feel happy it is not a sign, but this should not be regarded as the only sign about whether or not the matter is good. People often make istikhaarah about something they like or want to do, so they feel happy about it from the outset.

Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] (may Allaah have mercy on him) said concerning the matter of feeling happy about something: if he makes istakhaarah, then whatever Allaah makes him feel happy about and makes easy for him, this is what Allaah has chosen for him. (Majmoo’ al-Fataawaa, 10/539).

Read more:

SO.....the fact that you didn't 'see' a sign doesn't mean anything bad and the fact that your mother had a bad dream could just be her worries playing out in her mind (rather than a 
Divine Message).

All in all- don't refuse him, yet!

Why don't you tell your mom something like "OKay, mom, I see that you're worried. How about you tell me some questions you want me to ask him when we formally meet (with the wali present of course :P)?" Since he is well known in the community, why don't you ask some people about his good qualities/ bad qualities/ etc.? No need to get too hasty. Do some research =)

I hope inshaAllah things go well for you. The Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam did tell us:
 If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied comes to you, then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be disorder in the earth and a great deal of evil."(Reported by At-Tirmidhi and others and classed asHasan)

May Allah give you what is best for you and who is best for your deen, dunya, and aakhirah! May He let the marriage happen if it is best for you =)

Lots of love,

(Icon from Easel and Ink :D the link is on the side of the blog)

2 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

Umm Khaleel May 6, 2011 at 5:03 PM  

Oh masha Allah! :) So exciting heh :D

Anyway, I have nothing much to add since Lil Auntie covered everything except that you should watch a lecture by Sh. Abdul Bary Yahya called "Istikharah: The Divine Compass" if you are still unsure sis. I learnt a lot from it:

p/s/ please let us know once how it turns out! :D

Anonymous,  May 7, 2011 at 7:43 AM  

lovly Question. !! i will remembr u in dua inshALLAh :D wish u luck <3 .

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