"Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!"

Salam alaikum dear aunties,

I love your blog and i took time to read most of the issues that you have discussed but i didnt find any one that relates to my question.
I was born muslim.But i was not really practising islam then.When i turned 16 last december i dont really know how to explain what happened i was just drawn back to islam,everything happened really fast i started doing all the obligatory duties,i now wear hijab and abaya.But the problem i still have is my behaviour.I get really angry and irritated easily.Now brother doesnt respect me again and my family avoid me even though i try to be good but this problem makes all the good things i do for them look bad.please help me.

Wa alaykum salaam dear sister,

You know what? I am really happy that you feel like you've come back to Islam like that, wearing Hijab and everything, subhanAllah, wow, it really does make me smile to hear this. (:

I can understand how you feel that the good part of you isn't significant because you get angry and stuff. But don't lose hope, Islam isn't about being perfect and staying perfect forever. It's about climbing a ladder and continuing to climb. And even when you fall down a rung or two of this ladder, you repent - and continue to climb more, inshaAllah. The fact you've noticed a shortcoming in yourself is a step up the ladder too, so nice one. (:

You've got to understand that someone doesn't acquire an amazing character immediately. Character is formed by habits, which take time to set in your life.

Abû Hurayrah relates that a man said to the Prophet (peace be upon him): “Counsel me.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Do not get angry.” The man repeated his request many times, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) kept saying: “Do not get angry.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî ] 

This hadith is so significant because the Prophet (peace be upon him) limited his counselling of this man to this simple command. It obviously states just how incredibly important and beneficial it is to ourselves, our characters, our souls and even others.

Okay, well some things which can help you control your temper:

Understand Anger

Anger is an emotion with a whole lot of energy and this energy inspires action. Once you know this and understand that it's merely a state of mind, you can choose to change this. YOU control your mind, so YOU can control your emotions, thus your anger.

Transfer Anger

A way to channel this energy into something positive is to something, anything which can distract you from it. Painting, drawing, photography, reading - or you mentioned you like to write. You may not feel like you want to do something calming but if you force yourself and make yourself patient through this - it'll work in due time!

Eliminate Anger

These amazing examples from the best human being (peace be upon him), subhanAllah is the answer to the problem I think, (:

1. We should seek refuge with Allah when we become angry. Two men began hurling insults at one another in the presence of the Prophet (peace be upon him), each one insulting the other with such anger that his face had turned red. Th e Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “I know a word that if one were to say it, what stresses him would go away. If he would but say: ‘I seek refuge with Allah from Satan the Accursed'.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim ]

 So to simply say "Audhu billahi minashaytan nirajim", with meaning.

Also:

2. If he is standing, then he should sit. If the anger fails to subside, then he should lie down. [Abu Dawood]

3. A person should remain silent. [Imam Ahmad]

4. Make wudhu. [Abu Dawood]

5. Make ghusl [Abu Nuaim]

Make these things habits and inshaAllah they'll become embedded in your character. SubhanAllah. (:

Another thing; if you feel like you have done something wrong like shout at a family member or say something you shouldn't have or generally slipped in your behaviour, remember to ask for forgiveness from Allah (swt) immediately. Is He (swt) not the Most-Forgiving? 

O 'Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (az-Zumar:53)

Truly think about this, sis. Allah will forgive you. Just seek what your soul yearns - seek forgiveness.

But remember, always be the first to say Sorry to whoever you may have upset. Always say sorry. The barrier between a 'sorry' is pride, and I don't think you're a proud person, honey. Just never forget to say sorry. Mean that you're sorry. And even do something to show you're sorry. Pray for the person and pray for yourself too, inshaAllah. :)

A Little Act of Kindness can go a long way if the intention behind it is pure - because pure intentions which hold hands with good deeds - are very powerful indeed. (:

Lastly, make dua! make dua! make dua! I thought I'd say it three times to emphasise its significance. :P But seriously, don't worry because if you make dua for something that will make you closer to Allah - Allah will answer inshaAllah. Just BELIEVE that He (swt) will. And never give up in your dua. Include it in your dua again and again and again. Always! Every dua! Every dua! Every dua! (I did that 'three times' thing again :P)

Lots of love to you honey, (:

And a big hug, 'cause you're sixteen and so am I! :D

You can conquer this. Leap up that ladder - and smile. (: