>> Saturday, November 12, 2011
Dear Little Aunties,
I'm hoping you can help me a bit. If I were to be truly honest with myself, I think I’ve been feeling jealous from non-hijabis. I definitely don’t like that I feel this way. Also, I have a friend who doesn’t dress like me,she’s more of cousin than a friend,she’s started wearing the hijab now but still wears tight clothings –and this’s stupid-I get jealous ‘cos she’s more beautiful than me and more confident.And I feel highly bad and take it personal when pple make fun of me especially in Public.
Dear A Wee Bit Jealous,
It's one of those family dinner things where everyone says that they want to meet each other and yet, all the aunties, cousins and girls are sitting down competing with each other on who can look the best.
A young woman leaves her house with some make-up on, maybe a hint of earrings showing, her stylish yet tight clothes (+hijab) and her beautiful smile, and steps into the family gathering. She walks in and everyone greets her with returning smiles and salaams. On the surface, it looks like she's enjoying herself tremendously.
A little, while later, another young woman enters the house, wearing all black. She has a black niqab, black khimar, black abaya. She has no make-up on. She smiles but it's a little forced- and she's a little scared. She's come to dread a bit these family gatherings where everyone is dressed to the nines and people still question her decision to 'keep it black'. She looks for anyone to sit next to ...someone she can talk to.Finally, she finds someone she can enjoy discussing a few things with. She sits back and laughs.
The two young women sit down and talk with each other as they are actually good friends and relatives. Soon, enough, it is time to go home.
That second woman is ME.
That first woman is a real friend of mine.
Now, that was the first part of the story. But it wasn't the whole story. A few weeks later, I had a real heart to heart conversation with my friend. It went something like this:
"You know, you really make me feel ashamed, whenever you show up at the family gatherings and I see the way you're dressed," she said.
"What? Ashamed?" I asked incredulously.
"Yeah...any person with a sense of decency would feel ashamed when you come along. Just look at the way you're dressed and the excuse I wear for hijab. You always make me go home, feeling guilty. I wish I had the courage to dress like you."
I was dumbfounded. As she talked, tears were literally forming in my eyes. I told her...
"I don't mean to make you feel ashamed or guilty. But I don't understand though why some people try to make me feel ashamed for choosing to wear niqab or trying to please Allah. That's what gets me. That's what hurts."
She said, simply and very matter of factly- "Because they can't do it."
Now I am not telling you this story to backlash hijabis/ different hijab styles/ non-hijabis/ or whatever.
I am telling you this story for you to know some really important facts:
Those girls that you're jealous of....that cousin that you're jealous of, actually might want to be like YOU. You never know. You might think she's confident but in reality, she could be very insecure. You don't know what's going on in her mind or heart.
Just by standing outside, you never know who you are inspiring to change.
You see, sweetie, true confidence doesn't come from the number of people who whistle at you or compliment you on your latest hair style. True confidence comes from accepting your past, embracing your future, knowing your strengths, tackling your weaknesses and liking who you are in the present.
It comes from the inside and not the outside.
True confidence comes from trusting in the Creator- knowing that He is watching you, guarding you, protecting you. It comes from having the faith that when you step outside that door, the angels are right there beside you and that they are recording what you are wearing, who you are smiling at, what you are doing.
It comes from being able to do what is right, despite what the popular media tells us. Sometimes, it takes time to become something natural, but the more times you do what is right, the more confident you will be.
Seriously, did you ever see this video we have in the recommended page?
Now,that is confidence.
To stand in the street and pray...and not care what a single person thinks....to care only that you have Allah to answer to....
And you know what?
You are beautiful. Beauty is something within the soul. It's not about how many heads you turn, but how many hearts you touch.
I'm sure you've heard of it before but I'm going to say it again..think of a pearl that has been hidden in the ocean, covered by a shell. Just because we can't see it, doesn't mean that it's not beautiful. It means that it is protected.
What about those people who tell you things?
Of course there words would hurt. But you have to remind yourself that their words are a reflection of their lack of manners...their own lack of beauty. These people who try to put you down are ignorant people. You just have to remind yourself that they were never ever the target or goal behind your hijab. It was never meant to be for their satisfaction but for Allah.
Remember, this life is a test...and you've got to give it your best.
The hijab is about you and Allah.
And He will reward you for it.
Ask Allah to make your face radiant on the day of Judgment, to give you real beauty. Ask Allah to make things easier for you.
If you find yourself having one of those feeling ugly days, try our ideas, here, as well. And visit the pictorials at I Got it Covered! They're bound to leave you inspired.....(like this one)
With all my love,