>> Sunday, January 15, 2012
Before I start, can I just say that I absolutely love your blog! I only discovered it relatively recently and I am so glad I did, I check it every day. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your knowledge and advice...may Allah bless you
Anyways, on to my problem. So you can understand it I have to explain a bit about myself. You see I haven't been the best Muslim, I am ashamed to say, I did so many bad things..but alhamdulillah, God took mercy on me and brought me to the realisation that I have to change. And I have been trying but it is quite hard...(by the way, your article on forgiveness really helped...it actually moved me to tears..thank you so much)
So, you won't be surprised to hear I am not a hijabi. And I am really trying to become one. Now you're probably thinking 'Not another question on hijab! We've already answered so many!' And I have read them all, and they are wonderful answers, but they don't address my specific issue. You see, some days I feel so clear and certain that I want to wear hijab, but then the next day I just don't want to think about it and I can't convince myself that I really want to wear it. Now, you can never hide the truth from yourself for too long and I know why I can't commit to hijab...
I am ashamed to say, I have too much vanity and pride in my appearance. It is hard to admit that...but I know that the reason I dislike the thought of hijab is I like having my hair down and wearing makeup and looking 'pretty'. Now I know you can still look pretty with hijab- mash'Allah I see so many pretty girls in hijab and they all look more beautiful because they look modest and pure. And sometimes, I dislike having my hair down and not wearing hijab, it feels 'flashy' and immodest. And sometimes I feel sad that people don't recognise me as a Muslim...
But, I don't know, I can't make that feeling last! Please help me to stop being vain and shallow, please tell me how to stop caring about how I look and to stop trying to look 'pretty' and 'attractive. Please tell me a way to stop caring too much for dunya not akhira. I really want to change, I keep getting scared I will be too late...
Assalamu Alaykum sis,
First off I want to sincerely apologise greatly for my bad manners - I'm really sorry this reply is so late and I have no excuse. I ask you to forgive me.
Secondly, I want to tell you that I have a lot of respect for you. You are so concerned about your deen and it is a lesson to us all, myself firstly.
As for your question, I am sure that many of the sisters on this site can relate to it. And us 'aunties' sure as heck would never think "Oh, no, not another hijab question!" Instead, I can understand how you feel like you're on a roller coaster with your decision to wear hijab and it's probably really frustrating. Some days you're all for it and other days the opposite. You say this is because you like to look 'pretty' with your hair down etc and I understand this. As girls, who doesn't want to put on some mascara and get the straighteners out. And I'm not saying you shouldn't... Muslimahs aren't restricted in looking pretty, as you well know.
But the thing is, darling, did you ever think about the fact that you are much more than your body? That you have a beautiful soul? And that by covering your outer beauty, your inner beauty sparkles and shines through? (I don't mean that this should be drawing attention to yourself extensively with non-mahrams, though.)
The truth is that once you cover and understand that the things on the outside should be covered, you will value yourself as a human being and as Allah's chosen vicegerent (khalifa!) on this earth.
And you will come to appreciate these blessings and hopefully succeed in the trials that Allah has given you. Your beautiful hair and gorgeous figure, ma'shaAllah ta'baraka Allah—you didn't actually create them, yourself, did you?
Allah subhanoo wa' Tala did. He gave it to you perhaps as a blessing and perhaps as a trial…Would you obey Him in these blessings?
Sister, when you walk out on the street and you see yourself as beautiful, ask yourself the important questions:
"How does Allah see me, now?" "Am I beautiful in His eyes? What does Allah think?"
You see, Allah doesn't look as your form. He already created it (beautifully and perfectly)…Instead, He looks to the inside.
On the authority of Abu Huraira (Radi Allah Anhu) with some addition (and it is this):"Verily Allah does not look to your bodies nor to your faces but He looks to your hearts (deeds),"And he pointed towards the heart with his fingers.
Just imagine if Allah found your heart to be beautiful. Imagine if Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem found that you had worked in purifying your heart for Him!
You know how amazing you feel when you get that compliment from the 'coolest girl' on your stylish haircut/ cute outfit….Imagine how amazing it would feel to know that Allah is calling out your name to the angels to love you because you had obeyed Him and put Him above your desires:
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) said, "When Allah loves a slave, calls out Jibril and says: `I love so-and-so; so love him'. Then Jibril loves him. After that he (Jibril) announces to the inhabitants of heavens that Allah loves so-and-so; so love him; and the inhabitants of the heavens (the angels) also love him and then make people on earth love him".
Forget about impressing people by your 'looks'. If you've got Allah on your side, if you work to reach Allah's love, you will find people really loving you (not all ' "Wow, you look great, *scratch/ claws come out when you turn your back).
I know what you're thinking.That's easy to say but maybe hard to do.
You've already shown at the end of your question that you know what your problem is (and I applaud you for this): 'caring too much for dunya not akhira'.
Honey, this is something many people struggle with because of the flash ''opportunity'' dunya offers us.
Shaykh Samir An-Nass said the best way to deal with these sorts of desires is to ''train'' yourself. Stick a note 'DEEN NOT DUNYA' somewhere in your room like your mirror or near your bed. Keep reminding yourself of the truest of true beauty you harbour. And that's your Deen. That is the single most beautiful thing about a Muslim. And it can be seen through the choices you make in your appearance. Every time you pray salah, ask Allah the Most Merciful, the Turner of Hearts to turn your Heart to Him and to His obedience more and more and more, inshaAllah.
You need to know that change is a funny thing...and there's a moment just before the change happens. This moment is like someone or something grabbing you by the arm and pulling you back. Back to the past. Your mind knows that you should go forward but you're being pulled back, back to the old mindset. Back to the memory of feeling good. It's vital that in this moment you pull out the strength which you do have in you. The strength you do have because it's the strength of your deen. Say to yourself 'DEEN. NOT DUNYA' Because if I give you one piece of advice, it's to never go backwards once you decide to change for the sake of Allah. Never.
The road may begin to be bumpy but the rewards and ultimately, happiness, you receive after is beautiful. It's different to the happiness before and that's why you don't feel like you want it.
Starting Hijab may feel daunting; what will people say, what will they think, school, work, family, friends, strangers. And it's a lot easier said than done to simply shrug them off. When I started hijab, a few people did stare. Many asked questions. Many were shocked (lol). But I took every day as it came. As an amazing friend told me: ''It's all about baby steps''. You have to walk before you run, right. (:
I do hope you decide to wear Hijab soon. You could organise a gathering with a bunch of friends and dress-up etc. (Strictly girls only of course ;) ) And talk to them about your decision. Remember covering isn't making your ugly. It doesn't rid you of physical beauty, merely covers it. Because it's valuable; as are you <3.
I've never seen you, sister. And I may never in this life. But I know you are beautiful;
So smile <3 (:!
And please see this video. It might help :)
Remember: Deen Not Dunya.
P.S. Once again, I'm sorry this is over a month late. :(