>> Monday, January 2, 2012
Before I proceed, I just would like to inform that this is a long post.
I’ve been feeling kind of lost and sort of a little bit depressed lately (all this negatives thoughts seems to overwhelm me!). I’ve just ended my first semester of my first year in university and it has not gone too well. I have a feeling that I under perform my exams and I admit that I did not study well enough. Ever since I started school, my concentration in my studies has extremely dropped. Let me lay out 2 major reasons as to why I think this is happening:
1) As my days in school goes by, this one question that keeps popping out is whether the course that I’m currently doing is what I wanted to do in my job field in future. When I was younger, I only thought that I’m only good at this one subject and not others. Thus throughout college and again in uni, I stick to the subject which I thought I do best well in. But now, I really do not know! I really feel lost about myself. This got me to think of whether I should still continue in this course (but there’s a possibility that I may retain although results are not out yet), change to another major (but I don’t what else I can do and i think my marks are not high enough to go to another course!) or even withdraw from school (but I feel it’s kind of a waste to drop out and people keep telling me that it will gives you a better life - better job, higher pay, etc, but is getting a degree all about a better job and higher pay?!!) I no longer know what are my intentions for pursuing a degree!
2) I started realizing ever since I’m in uni, I’ve been skipping my prayers, and thus on Iman low. I’ve been trying to fight against my desires but I guess I’m just not strong enough. Also, you see, I’m not really that happy being a uni student. The reason being is I did not go after in seeking Islamic knowledge as high as how I’ve been seeking knowledge for “dunya courses” (hope you get what I mean). Thus I begin to have this thoughts that why am I studying hard to get dunya knowledge but I’m not improving my Islamic knowledge?! But Alhamdullilah, I’ve just started enrolling myself into an Islamic class to learn more. Then again, my morale is still low.
Thank you for hearing me out, Little Auntie
A Lost Wanderer
Hunny, a great scholar once said: "The knowledgeable one remains ignorant about what he knows about until he acts upon it."