My Sister's Being Forced to Marry....

Asalamu aialkum! Well, first of all… CONGRATULATIONS to littleAunt's Wedding!! Mabrok mabrouk!! I am soo happy for her/you  little Auntie!! ;))))))  *jumpy*   I'll hug to this if I could! still… mabrouk!!  Wishing you, only the BEST. =DAlright alright… I have this sister of mine who like you is getting married too.. But I think the difference is… she doesn’t like the guy. No. I’m SURE, she doesn't like the guy. (it’s a long story, when I say Long I mean REAL long) it starts with my grandmother, she’s the one who prefer that man for my sister.. Because, as I heard, of his parents. ( a distant relative which she dotes upon)  there might not be a problem, except that; the guy smokes (my sister is asthmatic btw), drinks  alcohol, and party loudly (although he’s a muslim), doesn't really have a job right now.. in short, not the kind of man you would willing to get married with..  Uh, yeah. There’s evidence already.. We've seen them but not virtually though) Pictures.. We've see pictures.. (Is it wrong that we did some digging? No offence to him.)  We handed out those evidences that we gathered, to our grandmother and she was like.. ‘So? young people do stupid things” and was like “The wedding is STILL on! “ and we were like “!??????” yeah… we were SPEECHLESS. We thought our grandmother was processed or something. Kidding. I know, I’m sure she has a reason. But really!?  My father tried to talk his mother out of this but, she wouldn't budge. She still thinks this is what’s best for my sister, for all of us. (I don’t see her point, really. Maybe you could?)  My sister fought her battle with all her heart.. Tears after tears..  Swollen eyes after swollen eyes.. Eye bags after Eye bags (joke?)..  She became someone else after she’s slowly realizing that this is a losing battle, She’s cranky all the time!. Sigh~ I could only pity her.. I wish I can help but.. I’m just a kid. Just a kid with nothing yet a say in this family. Here comes the problem… She accepted that she has to do It. She will have to be a sacrificial lamb. That there would be a wedding. but she claimed that she would never ever take part in consummating the marriage. That she’ll save her dowry for divorce. That she will act like there’s no wedding happened. Now, what should I say to her? Doing that is like a SIN, right? Once He become her husband, it’s customary the she obliged HIM no matter what, right? I don’t want her to commit this sin, If ever. Told you it’s a long story! This is not even the half of it. =D but I really need help, I love her and this kid want to help ... =( Concern bystander

wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatoo,
First of all,our  thanks a lot hunny bunny for your sweeet words =) Hug and LOVE received! Jazakillah khairyan <3 nbsp="">

Second of all, I was so so so sad to read what you wrote about your sister. Your grandmother really doesn't have the right to do that, at all. From what you've described, there is nothing whatsoever particularly  to like or look forward to about this guy...(and no, that was totally completely correct to do a little digging! One should take 'bi al asbab' or use the means available to them when embarking on a big decision like marriage)...Maybe your grandmother finds his mistakes 'simple', but she's not the one marrying the guy. 

So here's the thing....

I can't really discuss the fiqh issue of whether or not your sister could do that, but I can give some advice:

I really really want you to tell your sister that NOBODY CAN FORCE HER TO GET MARRIED WITHOUT HER CONSENT. Yes, she has an alternative plan, but the reality is that she doesn't even need that plan.

Islam has made the woman's consent a condition for a marriage.

At the time of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), a woman came to him and said, “My father has married me to my cousin to raise his social standing and I was forced into it.” The Prophet sent for the girl’s father and then in his presence gave the girl the option of remaining married or nullifying the marriage. She responded, “O Messenger of Allah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to show other women (that they could not be forced into a marriage).” 

Tell her: don't give your consent!  

a) She needs to tell your father or WALI she will not go through with the marriage. The marriage requires her father's consent and not her grandmother's.She can show her wali the pictures and explain that even if young people make mistakes, this person is in no way attractive to her: not his personality, behavior, looks or anything.

b) If she doesn't want to that, then she can simply have this man somehow informed that unfortunately, it ai'nt working out. She can say that due to some things she has discovered, she will not be able to carry on with the matter. She can send him an email/ she can have someone tell his parents/ anything. If he gave her a gift, she can return it with a small note..It will be pretty clear that it is over.

c) She can appeal to the Imam about her situation and have him talk to your parents and grandmother.
d) If all that fails for some reason, the day of the wedding, she can stand up and say "I'm sorry, but I cannot do this."

I know that she thinks she has a plan....but unfortunately, most of us come from places where cultural expectations would be against her. How much you wanna bet people will be saying: "Hey, that's the girl who got married for one month and then got divorced. Wonder what was wrong with her". The  reality is that if she follows through with her plan, she would be sabotaging any real chance of love (later on). Besides, and more importantly, there is no reason whatsoever to be torturing one's self....not even one day.

Please tell her this before it is too late!