>> Monday, June 6, 2011
I've recently come back to Islam and I'm very much confused. I've spent the last four years in a relationship with a guy. I've talked to him about making this relationship right and he said he would marry me, but in a year, inshaAllah because we have some problems right now. The problem is that a part of me is not so sure right now that I should marry him because during our time together we had two serious fights when I found out he was talking to another girl behind my back. I was very shocked and he said he would never do it again. But then it happened one more time. I told him then that I was done and that I could not be with a cheater. We parted ways but then he begged for my forgiveness. He told me that he loved me only and that he didn't even know why he was talking to the other girls. He's also introduced me to his family before, so I know that he was serious about me. His family are all very sweet and like me. A part of me desparaetly wants to believe that we are meant to be together, but another part isn't really sure what to do.
I can't tell you if he is the one for you, but something tells me, that deep down inside, you might already know the answer?
You know him better than I do, better than his family does, and better probably than he knows himself…..
Hey, think of it as 'really giving him a chance to see if he can stay committed to you-- see it a real real fresh start, one based on Allah's blessings, inshaAllah, because there won't be any
I want you to realize that four years isn’t forever. Yes, it’s a long time, but it isn’t forever. Marriage is going to be forever. If you have one doubt about this relationship, it might be better to just 'stop it'. Why build your future on a risk of whether or not he will stay committed? That is the most basic aspect to a relationship, isn't it?
I mean, just ask yourself a major question here: can I trust him 100% not to cheat on me again? What if it happens again? What would happen to me? Will I be able to emotionally deal with that? What if ....what if...he doesn't change?
You also need to keep in mind that ‘love’ isn’t the ‘be all and end all’ of everything.
A young man might claim that he loves a woman but hits her/or beats her. Would it really matter if he "felt feelings for her" or loved her, then?
The question was never whether this man loved you or not. It wasn't even whether you
loved him or not. The question was whether he would treat you right...whether he would treat you like he loved you.