A Change of Attitude

>> Sunday, October 16, 2011

So I have an issue and my issue is that I know I am mean. I tend to be really rude a lot of the time and I say too much. I try to watch out for what im saying but I don't really know how. And it's become such a habit I don't know if I can stop. My mom says everything about me is good except for my mouth. I open it and it ruins everything.I have a habit of complaining a lot too like if you ask me to do something I'll do it but complain the entire time I'm doing it.Sometimes I feel like I'm actually changing a bit for the better but the people around me will answer me back like they usually do when I'm rude(and i know i deserve that).They'll also ask what's wrong with me and why am I faking. I don't know what to say to them. I would feel weird just saying I'm trying to change. I don't know what to do anymore.I just know I really want to change..A sister in need of an attitude adjustment.

Dear Sis,

Your mail makes me have such respect for you. You want to change. You are ready for a difference in yourself and thus in your life. Sis, that is THE hardest part.

I'm sorry that other people have been thinking you're faking when you're sincerely trying. But this isn't about them, is it. It's about YOU and YOUR STATE in from of ALLAH. :D

Change is a strange thing. And without it we wouldn't grow as people, we wouldn't get stronger, we wouldn't adapt.

I've also heard somewhere:

without change there would be no butterflies

it's true though isn't it! Despite the fact that we as human beings tend to avoid change we don't always realise what an amazing fact of life it is. Now, this change will take time. That's why people aren't used to it, because it might not have been long enough.

What I suggest is that you do a self-analysis; split your page in two and write down words which describe the sort of person YOU think YOU are. Then on the other side, write down words which describe the sort of person you WANT to be. Look at the words on either side of the page. How can you get to where you want... What certain aspects of your life do you feel you need to change?

Then, make a target. So for example for a whole week you're not going to answer back. Once you complete a week of that, do two things the next week. So not answering back and not complaining. For every two targets completed do something! Go shopping, bake yourself a cake - anything! (:

Try to also make your own brand new dictionary. Try to write down polite ways for you to disagree with others or say your opinion. For instance, instead of saying "That is so stupid", you could say "I have to say I see things differently".... You can also write down 10 nice phrases that you want to use and challenge yourself to find ways and times to say these nice things. Things like:
- "Thank you. '
- That was really helpful of you
- What a pretty bag.....

Most of all, it's gonna take time and patience. Patience with yourself and with others. But don't feel like you've been patient for too long, because it's not true. When you make an effort to change what's within you, Allah will change your life, inshaAllah.

"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." - (13:11).

Please don't give up. Keep praying. Don't beat yourself up about it, 'Islam is not a state of being, but a process of becoming'.
Simply breathe, repent and try again. Even when it feels like you have no more energy to try again - find some. Because you do have it.

Much love to you as you embark on the voyage of change. <3

9 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

Little Auntie October 16, 2011 at 12:26 PM  

Asalamu ailakaum!
Ma'shaAllah, TheSisterWhoSmiles said it all. You can do this sweetie.
Remind yourself of thi: Kind speech and forgiveness are better than charity followed by injury. And Allah is Free of need and Forbearing. (2: 263)

Allah subhanoo Wa Tala says that it would be better for a person to speak kindly to someone than to give them charity and then be 'mean'/'rude'...Its' THAT important to speak kindly, so I know you can do this :)

Anonymous,  October 16, 2011 at 7:49 PM  

Assalam alykum dear sister.

It is more than wonderful that you have intention to correct your habit. May Allah make it easy for you.

What about giving yourself small penalty whenever you said rude things to others? Like... giving candies to people who you were talking to. There was a girl who used to say lots of slangs, and she used that method to avoid saying slangs.

Anonymous,  October 17, 2011 at 10:40 AM  

Assalamu alaikum sister

I kind of know how you feel as I used to be very sarcastic as a teenager and after a while it stops endearing you to people. Alhamdullilah I'm not so bad anymore.

The one tip I would give( that I have recently learned) is try your best to consider what you are going to say before you are going to say it and then say the opposite i.e a good thing. e.g if you were going to say - oh that sister - she is soo boring - twist it and say something complimentary. Allah swt loves good speech and inshaAllah your effort will be a reward for you too.
For long term - I would recommend attending any islamic courses/seminars about purifying the soul. We all have to train our nafs - it's really a struggle. I attended one a few months ago and it really does make a difference alhamdullillah.
thanks for sharing.


TheSisterWhoSmiles October 18, 2011 at 11:55 AM  

@ both Anons: Wow! Super advice, mashaAllah! It really takes time but as long as you keep trying, you'll make a difference inshaAllah (: <3

Lou'lou'a October 20, 2011 at 7:22 AM  

I remember one of the pious predecessors, it was said he would keep a date stone in his mouth. Why? So every time he would have to speak, he would have to remove the seed/stone. Thereby, giving him those few seconds of thought before speech which are oh-so-important. These split seconds remind us of what's important, our target to please Allah, or our ego.
Maybe use pumpkin seeds or gum?

I hope this helps and I pray that Allah accepts us all. Much love to you, sister!

Lou'lou'a October 20, 2011 at 7:27 AM  

Also, one more thing, don't ever forget the power of du'aa and don't underestimate it. Every moment you have, engage yourself in praying to be a better person. And have hope sister, change doesn't come easily, that's why it's so rewarding because it takes effort. One day, inshaAllah, you'll look back and think biithnillah "Was I really that same sharp-tongued girl?"

Keep at it and keep praying. Allah is with you..how do I know? Allah Himself states that He is with the Patient Ones..

(PS: Speaking from experience)

M4D October 20, 2011 at 7:56 PM  

I miss you sisters. Even though we don't know each other in person...hahaha! I still visit :)

Anonymous,  October 21, 2011 at 5:45 AM  

Agree with Lou'lou'a sister.
I used to think so much about things which already passed, and got depressed. I continuously did Dua' to Allah "Please let me forget those negative thinkings."
and said "A'udubillahi minatshaitanirrajim." in my mind whenever negative thinkings overwhelm me.
Alhamdulillah now I feel much more peaceful in my mind.

Musafirah October 23, 2011 at 5:18 AM  

Assalamu Alaikum warahmatullahi t3ala wa barakatuhu,
Dear Sister in Islam, I respect you very much for your Concern in changing, Look a person can never change unless he takes the first step, you have to constantly remind yourself, and monitor your actions, inshaALLAH t3ala one day you will see, how you have changed. My mother always reminds me that your words are like an arrow, once they leave your mouth, you have absolutely no control on how much harm they cause, just like once you throw an arrow, whatever happens, cannot be changed, or taken back.

and Little Auntie, jazakumullah t3ala ahsanal jaza for visiting my blog, Im honored to have you come by. Please keep me in your prayers, and I hope you keep on visiting inshaALLAH t3ala

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Asalamu aialkum!
Well, what do you think? You know, you're part of the team, as well. Please help a sister out and share your own advice/experiences/etc. One for all and all for one =)
P.S. I reserve the right to remove any disrespectful comment ;)

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