>> Sunday, October 16, 2011
So I have an issue and my issue is that I know I am mean. I tend to be really rude a lot of the time and I say too much. I try to watch out for what im saying but I don't really know how. And it's become such a habit I don't know if I can stop. My mom says everything about me is good except for my mouth. I open it and it ruins everything.I have a habit of complaining a lot too like if you ask me to do something I'll do it but complain the entire time I'm doing it.Sometimes I feel like I'm actually changing a bit for the better but the people around me will answer me back like they usually do when I'm rude(and i know i deserve that).They'll also ask what's wrong with me and why am I faking. I don't know what to say to them. I would feel weird just saying I'm trying to change. I don't know what to do anymore.I just know I really want to change..A sister in need of an attitude adjustment.
Your mail makes me have such respect for you. You want to change. You are ready for a difference in yourself and thus in your life. Sis, that is THE hardest part.
I'm sorry that other people have been thinking you're faking when you're sincerely trying. But this isn't about them, is it. It's about YOU and YOUR STATE in from of ALLAH. :D
Change is a strange thing. And without it we wouldn't grow as people, we wouldn't get stronger, we wouldn't adapt.
I've also heard somewhere:
without change there would be no butterflies
it's true though isn't it! Despite the fact that we as human beings tend to avoid change we don't always realise what an amazing fact of life it is. Now, this change will take time. That's why people aren't used to it, because it might not have been long enough.
What I suggest is that you do a self-analysis; split your page in two and write down words which describe the sort of person YOU think YOU are. Then on the other side, write down words which describe the sort of person you WANT to be. Look at the words on either side of the page. How can you get to where you want... What certain aspects of your life do you feel you need to change?
Then, make a target. So for example for a whole week you're not going to answer back. Once you complete a week of that, do two things the next week. So not answering back and not complaining. For every two targets completed do something! Go shopping, bake yourself a cake - anything! (:
Try to also make your own brand new dictionary. Try to write down polite ways for you to disagree with others or say your opinion. For instance, instead of saying "That is so stupid", you could say "I have to say I see things differently".... You can also write down 10 nice phrases that you want to use and challenge yourself to find ways and times to say these nice things. Things like:
- "Thank you. '
- That was really helpful of you
- What a pretty bag.....
Most of all, it's gonna take time and patience. Patience with yourself and with others. But don't feel like you've been patient for too long, because it's not true. When you make an effort to change what's within you, Allah will change your life, inshaAllah.
"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." - (13:11).
Please don't give up. Keep praying. Don't beat yourself up about it, 'Islam is not a state of being, but a process of becoming'.Simply breathe, repent and try again. Even when it feels like you have no more energy to try again - find some. Because you do have it.
Much love to you as you embark on the voyage of change. <3