The Non-Muslim Guy Friend Crush Thing.

I live in America, in a city where there aren't that many Muslims. I know that we're not supposed to have a relationship with a guy before marriage. Alahmdillah, I have not done that. I love our religion and I love explaining it to people. My problem though is that I kind of have a crush on a guy who isn't Muslim. There are also some rumors that he may like me, too. A part of me wants to believe that we are meant for each other, that maybe I'll help him convert to Islam. Another part of me knows that he's not interested in religion and maybe even doubts God's existence. I'm just kind of in a crossroads right now. How do I get over this crush?

Dearest "Crushed",

Tell me about it. Our brains know one thing and our hearts say another....It can be real really confusing when you're in that kind of situation, especially with the popular media's emphasis on "love". "He drives me crazy. But I can't live without him." You know, the whole love is a drug kinda thing. Sometimes, you actually find yourself wanting to be swept up in that 'craze'...you want to 'fall into this *delicious torture* as the media depicts it. You want to be 'in love'. (Note: when I say "you", I do not mean you, personally. I'm talking about any sister reading this :P)

That's why, we gotta throw out those 'romance books' and 'romantic comedies' away. (Note: When I say away, I do not mean under your bed but seriously far away. It's fun making notes, hehe :P)

But anyways, before I go off on a rant here, let's get back tot he topic. How do you get over this guy?

1. Well, think about it this way. What is it that you really like about this guy? Is it how special he makes you feel? And maybe how beautiful you feel when you're around him? You see, I think it's really easy to fall in love with the special way a person treats us. So, this guy makes you feel special and different and pretty and all that..And you really are all that, but you're that without the guy. The question is, do you really know that?

2. Don't think about the similarities you share with him and just think a bit about the differences. And what those differences entail. You need someone who will honor and cherish both sides of you as an American Muslim. Someone who will understand your sense of humor but who will also help you wake up for fajr time. Someone who will eat brownies with you while you listen to a nice Islamic lecture. Someone who will want your children to learn about Allah, teach them how to pray and at the same time, do the hokey pokey and all that. You get what I'm saying? Someone whose love for you will exceed this world- who will do their best to protect you and let you achieve the gardens of bliss in the Hereafter. Someone who wants to be with you under the Throne of Allah with the prophets.

3. Don't give it too much importance. It's just a crush. As cruel as that sounds, just keep reminding yourself that this feeling is going to go away. That's what crushes do. They fade with time :)

But, in the meantime, what you can do instead is try and busy yourself with something. Why not take the time now to seek knowledge? Or get a new hobby- graphic designing/ blogging/ poetry writing. The more things you have to do, the less time you have to daydream about him.


What about "converting him"?

Well, honey, dawah is a great thing to do, but remember, there is a way to do it. If you really want him to learn more about Islam, you can make dua for him and ask your brother/ some brothers to talk to him about it/ invite him to any MSA events. But whether or not, he does convert, it's not up to you...It's not about how much you talk to him. Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala guides whom He wills. I know how tempting it can be to think that "but, maybe he'll understand from me...he'll convert for me"...but sweetie...remember our post on "the best intentions?"

Remember, he's a non-Muslim and if you do get into a relationship with him, then you are deliberately setting yourself and him up for disaster (heart break). I mean, besides being haram, you are being unfair to him. Think about that :)

And finally, the truth is that we cannot always help our feelings, crushes included. But we can control our behavior. In Islam, we are held accountable on what we do with those feelings- if we act upon them. So maintain your modesty, resist the urge to flirt or do anything of that kind, and pray for a wonderful husband :)

Lots of love,