>> Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Asalamualaikum Little Aunties (:
I am a teen and I have re-discovered my Islam for three years now, Alhamdulilah. I think I am doing pretty well, I try my best to be the best Muslimah I can be. I love Islam so much, I love to have Iman rushes, they make me so…happy…Alhamdulilah. Last year, I met someone like myself, she had the same goals as me and always greeted me with a loving smile. We would always drive to seminars together, and talk about Allah. As the year went on we became really close. She always told me she loved me like a sister, I always told her I love her too. I really did, and I really do. Anyways, one day her parents told me about the man (Husband) they found for her daughter. My heart broke. I don’t know why but I don’t want her to get married. I don’t want her to have to spend time with him. I couldn’t admit it to myself until now, but I wanted her to myself. I feel really selfish. Reeaaally selfish. Especially because I can sense a hint of excitement in her voice. And I cant explain my feelings. I honesly cant explain my feelings.I don’t understand why I feel this way towards her…I think its hindering my relationship with Allah. And I don’t want that…because I really love Allah so much. I want more that anything to please Allah and be really close to him. I cant seem to understand myself. I really don’t know what to do now…please help me.
Dearest Confused Cupcake,
First of all, I want to reassure you that you're absolutely normal. I know the media spins the word 'homosexuality' a lot- so much- that many of us end up harboring fears/worries that we're not normal. If that happens to you, just ask yourself "Did you ever feel attracted to women before you met your friend?" I bet you didn't...
You know why?
This actually isn't really about her. This is about YOU.
So, naturally, you just don't want her to get married.
I'll let you in a little secret. When my twin had a proposal, I also didn't want her to get married. I felt terrible all the time- guilty that I wasn't sharing in her happiness- lonely- sad- but most of all scared...worried that if she got married, I'd be stuck all alone. So believe me, when I tell you that this is normal.
That said, hun, you do gotta stop for a second and just breathe in and breathe out.
1. You have to understand that 'marriage' doesn't necessarily end a friendship. She can still be your best friend. I have very close married friends. Maybe you won't see her as much, but friendship isn't based on your marital status. It is based on being there for each other. Be there for her now and you will find her there for you. Support her/ offer to go shopping with her/ help her pick her wedding invitations and dress/ whatever....Because that's what friendship is based on: communication, trust and support.
If your friend finds you at her side, helping her through her own mixed up and tangled emotions, chances are your friendship is truly going to blossom into an even maturer friendship..a friendship based on mutual support..a friendship where you give rather than 'receive'... a true sisterhood. Besides, believe me, if she's not working, when her husband is at work and she's stuck at home all day, she's going to wish that there's someone to talk to..and if she finds you at her side, she's going to turn to you again :)
If you, on the other hand, refuse to let her voice her excitement about this new stage in her life- if you sit down, all clam shut and sulky- you're the one ending the friendship. Seriously, ask yourself: "Is her marriage taking her away from me or is it my own actions that are doing that?"
2. Think about 3 reasons why this marriage is a good thing. Stop thinking about why you're unhappy. Sit down and consider things from your friend's point of view and think about why this is a good match.
3. Trust that no matter what happens, you will never be alone. Allah is always near the believers (in His mercy, power, etc.). Not only that, but think about just 2 years ago- before you knew this sister. Who sent her to you? Allah! Be grateful to Him and be open to His plan. Maybe if you're thankful and turn to Him, He will also send you more amazing sisters :)
I mean, since you're a teen but you're driving, it seems like you might be starting university or have started it already? Maybe you'll meet some other new sisters next semester who will also be very close to you. You can try joining the MSA or whatnot :)
Also trust that your turn will come and that one day you will also marry, inshaAllah...:)
4: Don't ever build your life around one person alone because, no matter how wonderful or perfect that person is, that person is just a person....One day, they will be gone (whether they pass away or move somewhere or you end up growing in different directions). Remember these verses:
Everyone upon the earth will perish, (26) And there will remain the Face of your Lord, Owner of Majesty and Honor. (27) So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? (28) Whoever is within the heavens and earth asks Him; every day He is bringing about a matter. (29) So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? (30) (Surat Ar Rahman).This is something difficult to do when "Allah" seems like an abstract Being. That's why it's important to read more about Allah's attributes to understand just how Perfect He is. Talk to Him about your own feelings.
This is also a good link for you to read. http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/people-leave-each-other-but-do-they-return/
I hope inshaAllah this helps you a bit!
Lots of love,
Asalamualaikum Little Auntie <3 JazakAllahuakaiiirrrun <333 yes, thats exactly how i feel. Im glad you understood me when i couldnt understand myself, im relieved. Alhamdulilah :) And your right, i was scarerd. Reaalllly scared. It turns out, she was scared too. Even more scared than me. She talked to me about it and started crying. I told her what you told me, that we would still have time for each other and that change is okay ^_^ She told me about her husband-to-be and she seems to really love him, he is a really good muslim MashaAllah. i am happy for her, now that i can stop thinking about myself...i really am happy for her. And i told her that. And heres the best part. i got a proposal. actually, i got two! and my parents really likes one on the men for me... AllahuAkbr...inshaAllah Kair :) Make dua for me And my Friend ^_^