Dear Non-Veiled Wanna Be Veiled Muslimah

>> Thursday, July 1, 2010

I am turning sixteen in a few months and I’ve really started thinking about hijab. I know it’s fardh, but there are 3 things standing in my way to wearing it.

I’m worried that:

1. the hijab would make it harder for me to get married. I know that sounds so stupid but deep down inside, it’s one of the major reasons I haven’t put it on yet.

2. The hijab will stand in my way of getting a job. I’ve always been an A+ student, but I know that when it comes to the workforce, it’s not only our grades that matter. Looking different may really affect my chances of getting a good job.

3. Most of all, I’m worried of how non-Muslims and some Muslims will react. You know, the discrimination, the ‘verbal abuse’, the ‘stare’, the ‘looks’, the ‘questions’.

The thing is, I am a really shy girl. I don’ think I would be able to handle all that. Besides, I don’t want to put it on and then just take it off. So I don’t know. A friend of mine suggested that I wait till I get married, but ….

Please tell me what to do.

-The non veiled wanna be veiled Muslimah

Dear Non-veiled wanna be Veiled Muslimah,

First off, sista! Congrats on ‘almost turning 16’. May Allah bless you with many more years to draw nearer and nearer to Him! Ameen, Ya Rubb. :) You know, you’re really the cutest thing ever! Because you admitted the 3 MAJOR reasons most of us girls are wary of hijab. I know, many of us won’t admit it, but those 3 reasons are the Mount Everest’s standing in our way of putting it on. But because you took the BIG step and admitted to yourself the things you’re afraid, you’ve made it all that easier to deal with. Now we just have to tackle these little fears one by one, okay?

So let's get right into it...Wouldn't wearing hijab make it harder for you to find a man? 

 I think the question you need to ask yourself is "What kind of man do I want to marry? What kind of father do I want for my children?" (Alright, those are 2 questions, but whatever…more to come, lol.) Yes, there are some men who will be put off by hijaab, but are these really the kind of men you want to marry? Do you want to marry a person who looks for his spouse by the style of her hair and her looks? Do you want to marry a person who isn't strong enough in his faith to be looking for women who are strong enough in their faith to wear hijaab?

 The truth is, I would be worried if you did marry someone who didn’t even want you to wear hijab or who didn’t consider you for marriage simply because you wore hijab. How can we choose someone who doesn’t want what’s best for us? Is that person really going to protect us and care for us? Remember, marriage is half our deen, right. We want someone who will help us on the deen, not someone who will take us away from the deen.

 The other thing to consider is that wearing hijaab can also make it easier to get married! When you wear hijaab, you are clearly saying " I am Muslim"...Women in your communities (those wonderful aunties) will be able to say 'Hey, I know this girl, she's definitely a Muslim, because she wear hijaab and she's..." It's easier to gain a positive reputation in your community and sisters will be SURE to mention you when they hear brothers saying they are looking for wives. This isn’t against my non-hijabi sisters who don’t wear hijab. But this is the truth. Girls who wear hijab are more often than not recommended for marriage…

 In fact, I’m not married but it was only when I put the niqaab on that I got any proposals, at all. (Much to my family’s SHOCK, lol).

 Well, what about point 2. Wouldn't the hijab prevent you from getting a job?

 I’m not going to take a burnt piece of cake and tell you that’s chocolate icing on the bottom. I’m going to be straight with you. The hijab may and it may not prevent you from getting ‘a’ job.

 The question though is, do you have trust in Allah? Do you think that He is the Compassionate? Do you think that He is the Rizaq (the one- and the Only One- who gives sustenance to all)? If so, what are you worried about? Again, I'm not saying that you will definitely get the job- let's be real, there is discrimination definitely in the workforce. But one thing you should never doubt is that you will never not get ‘rizq’ that was meant to be yours- and you’ll never get rizq that wasn’t meant to be yours, especially if you’re doing the opposite of what Allah asks.

 The other fundamental thing you have to realize is that Allah is the Most Merciful and that He would never punish a person who tried to come closer to Him! It would be UNFAIR if Allah were to reward your act of obedience (putting the hijab on) by not letting you get "something good for you". Allah is NEVER not fair.

 So, let’s say, you don't end up getting the dream job you wanted and the only reason you can conclude is because you put on the hijaab. Well, the logical thing we can conclude is that ‘dream job’ wasn't actually good for you’. Maybe not good for your akhirah, maybe not good for your dunya, maybe not good for both! Maybe Allah won’t give you that ‘dream job’ because He's saving you from something. Maybe if you did get that particular job, something bad could have happened to you...Maybe He’s got something even greater waiting for you…

 We don't know. But what we do know is that we actually don’t know what’s good for us/and what’s not. Allah does.

 I also want to remind you sis that you already do have a job. You are a ‘khalifa’ and you are also a servant of Allah. Remember, Allah said He created us for us to worship Him. That’s our primary job, right there. Do you really want to compromise that job’s rewards (being a servant of Allah) with a salary from this dunya?

 Okay, fine, but what about the ‘stares’ and ‘looks’ and stuff? How does a person deal with that?

You’re going to, as the Penguins say in Madagascar (the movie, not the country- I don’t think there really are penguins in Madagascar and if there were, I don’t speak Penguin :P), just “Smile and wave”.

 When you put the hijaab on, you become an ambassador for Islam. With diplomacy, respect and kindness, you answer back all those people who treat you rudely/discriminate/ and you just step back and see how amazed they will be. You may just end up inspiring someone to become Muslim. I know a lady who inspired a man to read up on Islam when she put the hijab on. That man ended up converting…can you imagine how many good deeds she has stored up because of that? Ma’shaAllah.

 I don’t want you to think that I’m naïve enough though to imagine that it’s going to be easy. It’s not. But when you arm yourself with the knowledge of who Allah is, the realization that you are never alone, and you fill your heart with love for Him, wearing the hijab won’t seem as difficult. When you read the story of the sahabah, the Prophet’s Companions and what they had to endure, you’ll realize that a few ‘stares’, maybe even some ‘go back to your home country’comments are really nothing.

 Remember, Sumayyah? A woman? Who decided to choose Islam and refused to give up on it…. She was the very first martyr of Islam.

That’s how tough it was back then. It was a matter of life and death. Just imagine being able to meet her in paradise and telling her how you too chose like her to stick to Allah’s way, to stick to wearing the hijab- despite the obstacles that stood in your way. Imagine meeting Khadijah Radiya Allah Anha and telling her your story.

 Can you really imagine it? Close your eyes…

And get ready to take that little step. That’s all that’s needed. Yes, Shaitan does this little trick and he tells us ‘Don’t put it on cause you know you’re just going to take it off…” Just tell him- “ No, I am not. Once I start wearing the hijab (which, I’m sure you know, habibti, is more than just a head band/thing on top of the head), it’ll become a part of me, and just like how I don’t leave the house without my shoes/shirt/skirt/etc., I’m not going to leave the house anymore without my scarf/loose clothes, inshaAllah”.

 You can do it, sis. You’re an A+ student, right. How about being an A+ servant? Not by simply putting a scarf over your head, but by putting Allah’s commands over your own desires and worries. Trust in Him, Believe in Him. And you can do it.

I believe in

10 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

oldie goldie July 2, 2010 at 6:50 PM  

lol looks like i didn't comment here yesterday.. well i thought i did, but found the comment under your first post :DDD . so go read it from there :P :DD ♥

Anonymous,  July 4, 2010 at 6:50 PM  

mashaAllah i love the advice so real and well put

Anonymous,  July 21, 2010 at 11:56 AM  

Assalamu Alaikum ukhti,

SubhanAllah, this was so AMAZING! <3

I just read it on IGIC!!

Dear little auntie, you're a very beautiful person! Mash'Allah! May Allah bless you with the best in this world and in the Hereafter.

I especially loved these:

"You can do it, sis. You’re an A+ student, right. How about being an A+ servant?"

"I’m not going to take a burnt piece of cake and tell you that’s chocolate icing on the bottom."

And you totally made me tear up right here:

"Remember, Sumayyah? A woman? Who decided to choose Islam and refused to give up on it…. She was the very first martyr of Islam.

That’s how tough it was back then. It was a matter of life and death. Just imagine being able to meet her in paradise and telling her how you too chose like her to stick to Allah’s way, to stick to wearing the hijab- despite the obstacles that stood in your way. Imagine meeting Khadijah Radiya Allah Anha and telling her your story.

Can you really imagine it? Close your eyes…"

Sorry for the LOONG comment but I just couldn't help it. :P Jazakh Allah khair. <3

Little Auntie July 25, 2010 at 8:38 AM  

spirit, Jazaki Allah koli khair for your kind kind comment. So kind of you to take the time to comment here for me :)

And you are more than welcome to write long comments here :P As much as I enjoy 'talking a lot', I like talking with others more :D

Pepita and oldie golide- y'all know I love you :)

Anonymous,  March 23, 2011 at 9:54 AM  

simply brilliant.. i actually got tears in my eyes coz of how simply you put it all... and so perfectly :)

Little Auntie March 24, 2011 at 5:01 AM  

^AWWWW, aren't you a doll! =)

Zaynab February 22, 2012 at 11:50 PM  

Dear Little Aunties,
Asalamu aialkum! I want to first say that I am so grateful to Allah that I found this blog, I read it every night before I go to be and I just feel closer to Allah and just peaceful. Well the truth is I really need some advice. I just started college last semester and I joined the MSA at my school, I was so excited about it because in the area where I lived in during high school, I did not have a Muslim community. So I did not have any Muslim sisters to just talk to, pray with and just enjoy the fact that we shared the same faith. It truly saddens me to say that MSA has been a disappointment. I was so hopeful and optimistic about being close with my MSA sisters and learning and growing in our faith together. May it is because I am not hijabi or because I am African. I honestly do not want to be mean or judgmental but I have noticed since I used to go to the mosque for Eid prayers as a child that all the Muslims seemed to be segregated by ethnicity. I am an African Muslim and I just feel like it is so sad that we cannot all come together in harmony and be there for each other no matter where we come from or the color of our skin. Well this is the same situation that I see at MSA because whenever we have a gathering all I see are the few black African Muslim sisters together and then I guess all the Arab Muslims together. Whenever I go to the MSA events I just feel so out of place, awkward and unwanted honestly. And it just makes me want to cry because I really wanted to learn more about Islam, and just feel comfortable because I was around my fellow Muslims but it all just seems impossible. I am even thinking about not going anymore because I feel like all I do is just stand there alone while everyone else is interacting. Well I am proud to say I have made one great decision on my life.
Allah is really important to me and I have made a decision this summer InshAllah to start wearing a hijab. But I am a little fearful of how my parents will react because my dad who I believe is an amazing Muslim man does not want me to wear it :( HIs reason is that it might not be safe since I live in America and that I might not receive as many opportunities because I will be judged because of the hijab. I really feel that in my heart it is time for me to do it and honestly the truth is I am tired of guys staring at me, approaching me, and I am proud to be a Muslima and I just do not like the fact that no one really knows I am Muslim. I also feel so restless and I feel like I might be choosing to wear the hijab because I am the type of person that also loves change and I pray to Allah that wearing the hijab is something I wont get tired of but I am still afraid because deep down I don’t know if I am brave enough. You see no one in my close family wears the hijab not my mom and not even my older sister who I have always looked up to and followed in her foot step. I know I have brought up so many different issues but I hope you can help me. My heart just feels anxiety, excited and restless all at the same time. I honestly hope I was not offensive or rude to anyone I just wanted to be honest about how I feel.
Thank you!
-The honest, restless, and wanna be african hijabi girl

Little Auntie February 23, 2012 at 8:33 AM  

Dearest Afraid Muslima,

awww, sweetie, I'm really sorry to hear that the MSA has proven to be a disappointment, as well. SubhanAllah, Islam teaches us that no race is better than another and that we are all equal. We're supposed to be one family- one sisterhood and brotherhood.

I don't think you should stop going, though. No, no, no.

I think you should go, and take another step. Is there any way that you can try and approach the other sisters? Just start talking to them? Break the "code/ ice/race thing going on" and say salaams, how are you, what courses are you taking, let's get together, etc. Bring with you some brownies and say "Who would like some"? Look at another girl and compliment her shoes/ outfit/ whatever. A simple sentence can start a friendship. Why give up without trying?

Another thing you can try doing is perhaps emailing your MSA about holding a talk about how we're all sisters....You can try contacting the leader of the sister's part and telling her how you feel really lonesome and would just love to learn more about Islam. Could she please introduce you to some friends?

I have also put this on the FB page for other sisters to share their experiences:

As for the hijab, that's fantastic that you're thinking of wearing it and nobody else wears it. Ma'shaAllah ta'barkaAllah. Your fears are absolutely normal and there's nothing offensive about your comment!!

Here's the thing. Don't ever forget that Allah is with YOU. He truly is. Allah has said:]

Remember me; I will remember you [2:152]

When you put on the hijab, you are taking an action to draw closer to Allah and HE will never let that go to waste... He remembers you when you remember HIM!

Let me give you this video that a reader recommended on our site:

Please try reading all of our hijab articles and keep in touch :) I have more to say but for some reason, I can't get my thoughts straight ;)

No longer afraid Muslima :),  March 28, 2012 at 9:12 PM  

Assalamu Alaikum,
Thanky you so much for replying to my message!! I really appreciated that. All the advices that you guys give always touch my heart and make me so grateful that I am Muslim. I loved the video too!! I felt like it understood my entire problem and helped me understand Allah swt so much more and that all I truly need is Allah swt in my life to make me happy :) I will definitely keep in touch! You guys are just beyond AWESOME!! I am still going to the MSA and I am also going to our Halaqa on campus :) I am so much happier now because I realized I am there to learn about Allah which is the most important thing right for me. Thank you so much again, this blog has really been a life saver for me! I pray Allah swt continues to bless all of you and answers all of your prayers!

No longer afraid muslim :)

Unknown January 31, 2014 at 8:22 AM  

u r shooooooooooooooo damn positive about everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love it!

Post a Comment

Asalamu aialkum!
Well, what do you think? You know, you're part of the team, as well. Please help a sister out and share your own advice/experiences/etc. One for all and all for one =)
P.S. I reserve the right to remove any disrespectful comment ;)

wibiya widget

  © Blogger template Snowy Winter by 2009

Back to TOP