>> Thursday, July 1, 2010
I am turning sixteen in a few months and I’ve really started thinking about hijab. I know it’s fardh, but there are 3 things standing in my way to wearing it.
I’m worried that:
1. the hijab would make it harder for me to get married. I know that sounds so stupid but deep down inside, it’s one of the major reasons I haven’t put it on yet.
2. The hijab will stand in my way of getting a job. I’ve always been an A+ student, but I know that when it comes to the workforce, it’s not only our grades that matter. Looking different may really affect my chances of getting a good job.
3. Most of all, I’m worried of how non-Muslims and some Muslims will react. You know, the discrimination, the ‘verbal abuse’, the ‘stare’, the ‘looks’, the ‘questions’.
The thing is, I am a really shy girl. I don’ think I would be able to handle all that. Besides, I don’t want to put it on and then just take it off. So I don’t know. A friend of mine suggested that I wait till I get married, but ….
Please tell me what to do.
-The non veiled wanna be veiled Muslimah
Dear Non-veiled wanna be Veiled Muslimah,
First off, sista! Congrats on ‘almost turning 16’. May Allah bless you with many more years to draw nearer and nearer to Him! Ameen, Ya Rubb. :) You know, you’re really the cutest thing ever! Because you admitted the 3 MAJOR reasons most of us girls are wary of hijab. I know, many of us won’t admit it, but those 3 reasons are the Mount Everest’s standing in our way of putting it on. But because you took the BIG step and admitted to yourself the things you’re afraid, you’ve made it all that easier to deal with. Now we just have to tackle these little fears one by one, okay?
So let's get right into it...Wouldn't wearing hijab make it harder for you to find a man?
I think the question you need to ask yourself is "What kind of man do I want to marry? What kind of father do I want for my children?" (Alright, those are 2 questions, but whatever…more to come, lol.) Yes, there are some men who will be put off by hijaab, but are these really the kind of men you want to marry? Do you want to marry a person who looks for his spouse by the style of her hair and her looks? Do you want to marry a person who isn't strong enough in his faith to be looking for women who are strong enough in their faith to wear hijaab?
The truth is, I would be worried if you did marry someone who didn’t even want you to wear hijab or who didn’t consider you for marriage simply because you wore hijab. How can we choose someone who doesn’t want what’s best for us? Is that person really going to protect us and care for us? Remember, marriage is half our deen, right. We want someone who will help us on the deen, not someone who will take us away from the deen.
The other thing to consider is that wearing hijaab can also make it easier to get married! When you wear hijaab, you are clearly saying " I am Muslim"...Women in your communities (those wonderful aunties) will be able to say 'Hey, I know this girl, she's definitely a Muslim, because she wear hijaab and she's..." It's easier to gain a positive reputation in your community and sisters will be SURE to mention you when they hear brothers saying they are looking for wives. This isn’t against my non-hijabi sisters who don’t wear hijab. But this is the truth. Girls who wear hijab are more often than not recommended for marriage…
In fact, I’m not married but it was only when I put the niqaab on that I got any proposals, at all. (Much to my family’s SHOCK, lol).
Well, what about point 2. Wouldn't the hijab prevent you from getting a job?
I’m not going to take a burnt piece of cake and tell you that’s chocolate icing on the bottom. I’m going to be straight with you. The hijab may and it may not prevent you from getting ‘a’ job.
The question though is, do you have trust in Allah? Do you think that He is the Compassionate? Do you think that He is the Rizaq (the one- and the Only One- who gives sustenance to all)? If so, what are you worried about? Again, I'm not saying that you will definitely get the job- let's be real, there is discrimination definitely in the workforce. But one thing you should never doubt is that you will never not get ‘rizq’ that was meant to be yours- and you’ll never get rizq that wasn’t meant to be yours, especially if you’re doing the opposite of what Allah asks.
The other fundamental thing you have to realize is that Allah is the Most Merciful and that He would never punish a person who tried to come closer to Him! It would be UNFAIR if Allah were to reward your act of obedience (putting the hijab on) by not letting you get "something good for you". Allah is NEVER not fair.
So, let’s say, you don't end up getting the dream job you wanted and the only reason you can conclude is because you put on the hijaab. Well, the logical thing we can conclude is that ‘dream job’ wasn't actually good for you’. Maybe not good for your akhirah, maybe not good for your dunya, maybe not good for both! Maybe Allah won’t give you that ‘dream job’ because He's saving you from something. Maybe if you did get that particular job, something bad could have happened to you...Maybe He’s got something even greater waiting for you…
We don't know. But what we do know is that we actually don’t know what’s good for us/and what’s not. Allah does.
I also want to remind you sis that you already do have a job. You are a ‘khalifa’ and you are also a servant of Allah. Remember, Allah said He created us for us to worship Him. That’s our primary job, right there. Do you really want to compromise that job’s rewards (being a servant of Allah) with a salary from this dunya?
Okay, fine, but what about the ‘stares’ and ‘looks’ and stuff? How does a person deal with that?
You’re going to, as the Penguins say in Madagascar (the movie, not the country- I don’t think there really are penguins in Madagascar and if there were, I don’t speak Penguin :P), just “Smile and wave”.
When you put the hijaab on, you become an ambassador for Islam. With diplomacy, respect and kindness, you answer back all those people who treat you rudely/discriminate/ and you just step back and see how amazed they will be. You may just end up inspiring someone to become Muslim. I know a lady who inspired a man to read up on Islam when she put the hijab on. That man ended up converting…can you imagine how many good deeds she has stored up because of that? Ma’shaAllah.
I don’t want you to think that I’m naïve enough though to imagine that it’s going to be easy. It’s not. But when you arm yourself with the knowledge of who Allah is, the realization that you are never alone, and you fill your heart with love for Him, wearing the hijab won’t seem as difficult. When you read the story of the sahabah, the Prophet’s Companions and what they had to endure, you’ll realize that a few ‘stares’, maybe even some ‘go back to your home country’comments are really nothing.
Remember, Sumayyah? A woman? Who decided to choose Islam and refused to give up on it…. She was the very first martyr of Islam.
That’s how tough it was back then. It was a matter of life and death. Just imagine being able to meet her in paradise and telling her how you too chose like her to stick to Allah’s way, to stick to wearing the hijab- despite the obstacles that stood in your way. Imagine meeting Khadijah Radiya Allah Anha and telling her your story.
Can you really imagine it? Close your eyes…
And get ready to take that little step. That’s all that’s needed. Yes, Shaitan does this little trick and he tells us ‘Don’t put it on cause you know you’re just going to take it off…” Just tell him- “ No, I am not. Once I start wearing the hijab (which, I’m sure you know, habibti, is more than just a head band/thing on top of the head), it’ll become a part of me, and just like how I don’t leave the house without my shoes/shirt/skirt/etc., I’m not going to leave the house anymore without my scarf/loose clothes, inshaAllah”.
You can do it, sis. You’re an A+ student, right. How about being an A+ servant? Not by simply putting a scarf over your head, but by putting Allah’s commands over your own desires and worries. Trust in Him, Believe in Him. And you can do it.
I believe in