Oh, brother

"Assalamualaykum sisters..
I've got something to share and maybe need some advice or opinion..inshaAllah=)
I have a brother, a younger brother..
Since he is the only brother i have, my expectation towards him is a little bit high. I don't expect him to be a huffaz or etc..but i do want him to learn about responsibility towards religion, family or also his obligation as a muslim. Why i'm saying this? my brother seems don't take seriously about his life which includes studies.he spends a lot on games, computer, rather on his studies or even about religion! what makes me sad is, he's comes from religious school so i expect him to know better than me. but eventually, he's not. His world is only about games and fun.Since he is already 18, i do hope that he can be our 'backbone' of the family and can be relied on if anything happen..
my question is. do u've any suggestion on how i can deal with him? I've tried to speak to him but it doesn't give any effect.."

wa'alkyum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo!

Dearest sis,


You remind me of ME! HEHEHE! You sound a lot like a very concerned older sis, which is really nice to see--unless of course, you're the 'object of concern'. As my brother has pointed out to me numerous times (he's 14), though," if you push me too hard, you're going to drive me away from religion."

Here's the thing. Let's take a look at things from your bro's perspective. Your bro already goes to an Islamic school. He already learns about it. Just like ANY of us, when we're done with school, we want to go home and relax. So he plays video games...

He's really not alone. I'm quoting Muhammed al Shareef:

Ok, so the background here is that our boys, as much as we love to diss them at our lectures and they say nothing ... we see that they are:

a. not turning up in large numbers for Islamic events.
b. Muslim sisters having trouble finding "mature" brothers suitable for marriage
c. Their leadership is flimsy and weak, if they even step up to be a leader
d. they are wasting their youth and lives with games and chatting and seclusion
http://forums.almaghrib.org/showthread.php?t=38921

See. It's a global phenomenon!

So what do we do?

Well, as our mantra has been from the beginning of this blog, don't pressure him. Show him some funny Islamic videos. Ask him some interesting questions. And when you ask him, say it like you want to learn from him and not like you're teaching him or quizzing him. How about YOU watching islamic videos/lectures when he's around?

Also, are there any good Muslim brothers that he's friends with? How about telling your bro to arrange a 'basket-ball/ soccer/ cricket' game near the masjid, and then having a short Islamic talk? Each week one of the Muslim teen brothers gives a small talk on a topic he's interested in?

If he won't be interested in that, how about forums? You can look up a very 'hot/hot/hot* or interesting topic on a forum and then either show it to him or e-mail it to him.Maybe he'll join one *shrugs*. Look for some 'manly lectures', lol...:)

What else? Well, one thing I remember my Qura'n teacher telling me is that you really need to compliment your bro when he does something 'good'. Even simple things. "Wow, you read that surah beautifully." "Thanks, you're such a big help around here." You can even joke with him like, "Soon, we'll be asking for your autograph". Let him feel important! You see, there's a big difference between making someone feel 'responsible' and making someone 'want to be responsible', you know what I'm saying? One will view it as a burden; the other will view it as an honor. 

You need to also try to share some of his interests. What does he care about? Besides video games, LOL. You see, you cannot expect him to turn into you or even share your dream of him. He is his own person. You need to dream WITH him. Who is he? What's he interested in? Take some fun personality quizzes together, like 'what's your hidden talent", the shape test, etc. Islam doesn't only need religious scholars. We need 'religious graphic designers, writers, teachers, doctors, etc." Everything. Let him know that whatever he's talented in/great at/ we can use :)

And truly BELIEVE in your bro. NO matter what state he is in now, that doesn't determine his future/ or what his end will be. Stay positive with him. Instead of telling him, "Bro, GROW UP and get rid of your video games", how about asking him to help you design an Islamic board game or something like Baba Ali? Let him use his skills/talents/ and interests in the name of Islam :)"

Why don't you also tell him something like "How about we design an Islamic video, ourselves"? A short one? On youtube? Look around for challenges/ competitions that he might be interested in that have an Islamic touch....

Hmmmm....What else?

If it's economically feasible, why not plan for a umrah trip?

But other than that, I a'int ashamed to admit it! We need some 'uncle help'.

Ladies, ask your brothers/husbands:

How do we get an 18 year old guy interested in religion?!

 and write their answers in the comments. You can also pitch in your own ideas...:)

The most important thing though is to make dua for him. 


 Make lots and lots of dua, especially during the last third of the night.

P.s.I know that you said that he's even not interested in his own studies....Well... You can try and talk to him about what he wants to major in? Ask him what university is he planning on applying to? What grades does he need? Ask him if he's checked out the job opportunities available? What's the market like? Again, not too pushy..in an "I-care-about-you- am-interested- in-what you-want-to-do-believe- that-you-can-become-somebody-great" way :)

p.s.s. an older post that might give you some ideas: http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2010/07/my-parents-dont-reallypray-and-stuff.html