Dare to Dream?

i belong to a middle class family and an average student my brother tops ( mashAllah )  he  was 3rd this time in school and i was just 69 % ( 1 % to b an A Grader  =P ) , i  want to make my parents dream come true , a Dream every parent wish , i live with my Grand parents dey r my inspiration , i  want to be a Huge Computer Engineer , i want to serve humanity , i want to see my Grand father Proud , he did aloot for me it makes  me cry wen he says wht he did fr us fr livelihood . but life is hard i just cant get on Track and Study Study Study , i alwys take our time for NEt , i  what makes u to work on d track u aim for ?   and i knw d other reason is , i m not so practising islam ... n i knw Dua has power undeniable  but as of those i heard famous people dey never knew dey will be successful ,like an i mean i want to be , its  hard. and in skool u need 80 % to get scholarship so ur fee will be free for an year , dey called scholarship-ed girls parents n dey were so Proud . i want to see my mom dis way . i want to feel good dat way . i love my parents , for whatever dey did i cant pay  back but still she says work hard. and study and i kinda dont stick to dis any tips to stick to ur Aim n Prove to Fulfill the dream
- Dared to Dream High&nbsp

Dear Dare to Dream High,

Sister, I know it can be hard when the dream is so high up and it's a strenuous uphill climb to get there. You can lose your focus and aim half way and it can feel awful - especially when you so desperately want to make your family happy. The thing with these sorts of dreams though are that they'll only be worthwhile if they're for the sake of One.
Not your parents. Nor your grandparents.
Not even yourself.
Though they all are motivators...

But the main reason why you should do anything at all is for Allah. 
For His sake.

When you write down firmly in your mind that you're doing this for ALLAH, then everything you do has a greater reason behind it, inshaAllah. It becomes an intention to serve Him.

Apart from our Main and First Purpose of being here - to worship and know Allah subhana wa ta ala.
We also have our own individual purposes. We're not here as mistakes. Everything around us and within us happens for a reason. Think about the processes and all the things which whiz around in our bodies... it all happens in a perfect order. It's beautiful, alhamdulillah.

One thing about growing up is that you find out your strength - what Allah has gifted you - to use. Use for His sake.

So it you've been gifted with intelligence, or a good memory, or perseverance, or empathy, or whatever - you've got to find out how you can use it for His sake.

Also, Allah, the Most Merciful also blessed you with a mind and body, right, so don't overwork yourself! It's so easy to do that and think you're being 'lazy' if you're not working every minute of the day! But quite honestly, you need a break! Slot in a designated time for sport or relaxing or writing or anything you do to unwind or chill out! Work Hard but Play Hard too!

Abu Productive from ProductiveMuslim sent this out:

When Ibrahim (Peace be upon him) completed the structure of the Ka’bah, Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) commanded him to call the people to Hajj. Ibrahim (Peace be upon him) got confused he said, “O Allah! How shall my voice reach all of those people?” Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) told him that his duty was only to give the call and it was up to Allah to make it reach the people.
Here we have a beautiful productivity lesson; don’t worry about the results/outcome of your effort, rather worry about making the effort and ensuring you do the task to the best of your ability. If Ibrahim (Peace be upon him) saw that the expected outcome of his task is impossible, he would have given up and there would have been no Hajj. But, he relied upon Allah & did his best, he climbed Mount Arafat and called out in his loudest voice, “O People! Verily Allah has prescribed upon you Hajj, so perform Hajj.”
Every human being on earth at that time heard that call and Hajj began since that day. Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) revealed in the Qur’an: “And proclaim the Hajj among mankind. They will come to thee on foot and (mounted) on every camel, lean on account of journeys through deep and distant mountain highways” (Surat Al-Hajj, Ayat 28).

We should never stop ourselves from making the necessary effort to achieve something just because we think the results are impossible to achieve.
Do your part and leave the rest upon Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala).

I think that sums if up pretty well, honey.

Look, achieving your goals is always an uphill mission. But with faith, anything is possible. Ask Allah for anything and everything and only ask Him. He has a plan for you dear sister and you've got to trust that. Try your best and Trust Him.

and that 'little extra' is simply faith.

But it's not how high your build your dreams that makes the difference, but how high your faith can climb. 

Don't fret, honey! You can do this if you allow yourself to believe you can. So Smile <3 (:

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The Non-Muslim Guy Friend Crush Thing.

I live in America, in a city where there aren't that many Muslims. I know that we're not supposed to have a relationship with a guy before marriage. Alahmdillah, I have not done that. I love our religion and I love explaining it to people. My problem though is that I kind of have a crush on a guy who isn't Muslim. There are also some rumors that he may like me, too. A part of me wants to believe that we are meant for each other, that maybe I'll help him convert to Islam. Another part of me knows that he's not interested in religion and maybe even doubts God's existence. I'm just kind of in a crossroads right now. How do I get over this crush?

Dearest "Crushed",

Tell me about it. Our brains know one thing and our hearts say another....It can be real really confusing when you're in that kind of situation, especially with the popular media's emphasis on "love". "He drives me crazy. But I can't live without him." You know, the whole love is a drug kinda thing. Sometimes, you actually find yourself wanting to be swept up in that 'craze'...you want to 'fall into this *delicious torture* as the media depicts it. You want to be 'in love'. (Note: when I say "you", I do not mean you, personally. I'm talking about any sister reading this :P)

That's why, we gotta throw out those 'romance books' and 'romantic comedies' away. (Note: When I say away, I do not mean under your bed but seriously far away. It's fun making notes, hehe :P)

But anyways, before I go off on a rant here, let's get back tot he topic. How do you get over this guy?

1. Well, think about it this way. What is it that you really like about this guy? Is it how special he makes you feel? And maybe how beautiful you feel when you're around him? You see, I think it's really easy to fall in love with the special way a person treats us. So, this guy makes you feel special and different and pretty and all that..And you really are all that, but you're that without the guy. The question is, do you really know that?

2. Don't think about the similarities you share with him and just think a bit about the differences. And what those differences entail. You need someone who will honor and cherish both sides of you as an American Muslim. Someone who will understand your sense of humor but who will also help you wake up for fajr time. Someone who will eat brownies with you while you listen to a nice Islamic lecture. Someone who will want your children to learn about Allah, teach them how to pray and at the same time, do the hokey pokey and all that. You get what I'm saying? Someone whose love for you will exceed this world- who will do their best to protect you and let you achieve the gardens of bliss in the Hereafter. Someone who wants to be with you under the Throne of Allah with the prophets.

3. Don't give it too much importance. It's just a crush. As cruel as that sounds, just keep reminding yourself that this feeling is going to go away. That's what crushes do. They fade with time :)

But, in the meantime, what you can do instead is try and busy yourself with something. Why not take the time now to seek knowledge? Or get a new hobby- graphic designing/ blogging/ poetry writing. The more things you have to do, the less time you have to daydream about him.


What about "converting him"?

Well, honey, dawah is a great thing to do, but remember, there is a way to do it. If you really want him to learn more about Islam, you can make dua for him and ask your brother/ some brothers to talk to him about it/ invite him to any MSA events. But whether or not, he does convert, it's not up to you...It's not about how much you talk to him. Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala guides whom He wills. I know how tempting it can be to think that "but, maybe he'll understand from me...he'll convert for me"...but sweetie...remember our post on "the best intentions?"

Remember, he's a non-Muslim and if you do get into a relationship with him, then you are deliberately setting yourself and him up for disaster (heart break). I mean, besides being haram, you are being unfair to him. Think about that :)

And finally, the truth is that we cannot always help our feelings, crushes included. But we can control our behavior. In Islam, we are held accountable on what we do with those feelings- if we act upon them. So maintain your modesty, resist the urge to flirt or do anything of that kind, and pray for a wonderful husband :)

Lots of love,

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What do you know?

Asalamu aliakaum!

So, sisters....what do you know about Dhul Hija? What should we do? What's so important about these days?

Here's your chance to share what YOU know and get some ajr!

Lots of LOVE!

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Those whispers....

I don't know what to say but sometimes I get these really terrible ideas in my head. I think things that istagfirAllah really are wrong and I worry that I'm not even a Muslim. I'm always doubting myself and thinking I am a hypocrite. I'm scared to meet Allah with these thoughts. Sometimes also I get these doubts in the middle of my prayer and I think about just stopping my prayer right then and there..like how can I pray to Allah with these thoughts and also I get so confused what part of salah I did and didn't do. Please help.

Dear In Need of Help,

First of all, sis, it sounds like you're suffering waswas. But, let me give you some really good good news. You, inshaAllah, are on the right path. 

Muslim (132) narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: “Some of the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to him and said, ‘We find things in our hearts that none of us would dare to utter out loud.’ He said, ‘Do you really find that?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘That is clear faith.’”

Yes, darling. You read that sentence right.  Allah has given you this test because inshaAllah you are among those with real faith. Don't think otherwise. You see, if you had been for example a 'hypocrite' you wouldn't even be scared of the Hereafter or scared about your faith. Being scared about your faith is a sign of a real believer, inshaAllah :)

Think of this as jihad. This is your struggle. Maybe it is your ticket to paradise. InshaAllah you will be rewarded for all that you are patiently going through. 

Shaykh al-Islam (Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 7/282) explaining the hadith about 'this is clear faith' said: “In other words, the fact that this waswaas was happening and they disliked it so much and pushed it away from their hearts is clear faith, like the mujaahid to whom the enemy comes and he resists him until he defeats him, and this is the greatest form of jihad. Clear (sareeh) means pure, like pure milk. It becomes clear and pure because they hated those devilish whispers and warded them off, so their faith became pure and clear.” 

What do you have to do? Keep pushing these thought away. Keep ignoring them. 

And don't EVER EVER give up ibadaat because of this. Shaytaan does this to scare you--- he tries to convince you to leave your salaah. Don't listen to him.  Remind yourself that this is a trick of Shaytaan. He doesn't want you to bow down to Allah.  Just keep praying and tell Allah that you are struggling to please him.

Let's take a look at some other hadiths:

Muslim (3203) narrated that ‘Uthmaan ibn Abi’l-‘Aas came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, the Shaytaan is coming between me and my prayer and making me confused in my recitation.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “That is a devil called Khanzab. If you feel his presence, then seek refuge with Allaah from him and spit drily to your left three times.” [‘Uthmaan] said: “I did that and Allaah took him away from me.” 

Al-Bukhaari (3276) and Muslim (134) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘The Shaytaan comes to some of you and says, “Who created such and such? Who created such and such?” – until he says, “Who created your Lord?” If that happens, then let him seek refuge with Allaah and stop thinking about that.’” 

Al-Bukhaari (1231) and Muslim (389) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When the call for prayer is given, the Shaytaan runs away, breaking wind loudly so as not to hear the adhaan. When the adhaan ends, he comes back. When the iqaamah is made, he runs away, then when the iqaamah ends, he comes back to distract a man from his prayer, saying, “Remember such and such,” things that the man did not remember, until he does not know how many rak’ahs he has prayed. If one of you does not know how many rak’ahs he has prayed, whether it is three or four, then let him do two prostrations whilst he is sitting.”

Ibn Taymiyyah also said:(Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 14/108): 
“This waswasah is something that enters the heart not by a person’s choice, and if a person hates it and shuns it, this hatred of it is clear faith.” 

I'm copy pasting this from  

  http://www.islam-qa.com/en/cat/2022

And he said in Dar’ al-Ta’aarud, 3/318:
“This waswaas may be gotten rid of by seeking refuge with Allaah and ignoring it, so that if [the Shaytaan] says, ‘you did not wash your face,’ you should say, ‘Yes, I did wash my face;’ if he thinks that he did not form the intention (for prayer) or say Allaahu akbar, he should say in his heart, ‘Yes I did form the intention and say Allaahu akbar.’ He should cling steadfastly to the truth and ward off the waswaas that goes against it, so that the Shaytaan will see how strong and steadfast he is in adhering to the truth, and will leave him alone. Otherwise when he [the Shaytaan] sees that he is influenced by doubts and responsive to waswaas, he will send him more waswaas until he will be unable to resist and his heart will become receptive to the seductive whispers of the devils of the jinn and of mankind, and he will move from one thing to another until the Shaytaan drives him to his doom. 

Based on the above, we may say that a man will be rewarded for resisting this waswaas and for striving against the Shaytaan for a number of reasons: 

1 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) praised the feeling of hatred towards the waswaas that had to do with doubts concerning belief (‘aqeedah), when he said, “That is clear faith.” One of things implied by the hatred of this waswaas is that one turns away from it and does not get carried away with it.
2 – Obeying the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Let him stop it.”
3 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said concerning the prostration of forgetfulness (sajdat al-sahw): “They will annoy the Shaytaan.” This implies encouragement to annoy and humiliate the Shaytaan. Annoying him here means turning away from this waswaas and not paying any attention to it. This is in addition to the fact that Allaah and His Messenger have taught us to seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan, etc.
4 – The difficulties and distress that the believer may suffer as a result of this waswaas may be included in the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “No Muslim suffers tiredness, exhaustion, worry, grief, annoyance or distress, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will expiate some of his sins thereby.”
(al-Bukhaari, 2573; Muslim, 5642).
5 – Shaykh al-Islam (Ibn Taymiyah – may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “like the mujaahid to whom the enemy comes and he resists him until he defeats him, and this is the greatest form of jihad.” The fact that he likens him to a mujaahid and describes this as the greatest form of jihad may be understood to mean that he will be rewarded for that.
And Allaah knows best. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and all his family and companions.


Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

May Allah ease your situation, sis.

Lots of love,

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A Change of Attitude

So I have an issue and my issue is that I know I am mean. I tend to be really rude a lot of the time and I say too much. I try to watch out for what im saying but I don't really know how. And it's become such a habit I don't know if I can stop. My mom says everything about me is good except for my mouth. I open it and it ruins everything.I have a habit of complaining a lot too like if you ask me to do something I'll do it but complain the entire time I'm doing it.Sometimes I feel like I'm actually changing a bit for the better but the people around me will answer me back like they usually do when I'm rude(and i know i deserve that).They'll also ask what's wrong with me and why am I faking. I don't know what to say to them. I would feel weird just saying I'm trying to change. I don't know what to do anymore.I just know I really want to change..A sister in need of an attitude adjustment.

Dear Sis,

Your mail makes me have such respect for you. You want to change. You are ready for a difference in yourself and thus in your life. Sis, that is THE hardest part.

I'm sorry that other people have been thinking you're faking when you're sincerely trying. But this isn't about them, is it. It's about YOU and YOUR STATE in from of ALLAH. :D

Change is a strange thing. And without it we wouldn't grow as people, we wouldn't get stronger, we wouldn't adapt.

I've also heard somewhere:

without change there would be no butterflies

it's true though isn't it! Despite the fact that we as human beings tend to avoid change we don't always realise what an amazing fact of life it is. Now, this change will take time. That's why people aren't used to it, because it might not have been long enough.

What I suggest is that you do a self-analysis; split your page in two and write down words which describe the sort of person YOU think YOU are. Then on the other side, write down words which describe the sort of person you WANT to be. Look at the words on either side of the page. How can you get to where you want... What certain aspects of your life do you feel you need to change?

Then, make a target. So for example for a whole week you're not going to answer back. Once you complete a week of that, do two things the next week. So not answering back and not complaining. For every two targets completed do something! Go shopping, bake yourself a cake - anything! (:

Try to also make your own brand new dictionary. Try to write down polite ways for you to disagree with others or say your opinion. For instance, instead of saying "That is so stupid", you could say "I have to say I see things differently".... You can also write down 10 nice phrases that you want to use and challenge yourself to find ways and times to say these nice things. Things like:
- "Thank you. '
- That was really helpful of you
- What a pretty bag.....
etc.

Most of all, it's gonna take time and patience. Patience with yourself and with others. But don't feel like you've been patient for too long, because it's not true. When you make an effort to change what's within you, Allah will change your life, inshaAllah.

"Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." - (13:11).

Please don't give up. Keep praying. Don't beat yourself up about it, 'Islam is not a state of being, but a process of becoming'.

Simply breathe, repent and try again. Even when it feels like you have no more energy to try again - find some. Because you do have it.

Much love to you as you embark on the voyage of change. <3

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A Small Note to the Ones who said NO.

On behalf of my sisters out there...I present a small note to "X-Suitor and His Mother".

Dear X-Suitor and His Mother,

So you might think that this is a last desperate attempt to get you back. It isn't. It's a sincere thank you note.

When you "turned me down" because of the color my skin, you revealed your own true colors. You did me a favor I can't even begin to thank you for. Color? Are you serious?!

When you turned me down because of how "big" I was- yeah, I'm a real lady and real women don't come in size 0- you showed just how small and narrow minded you really were.

You "turning me down" was the best thing that could have happened to me.

But, for your sake, I thought I'd help you out a little.

I thought I'd warn you- because when you were examining me like a piece of merchandise- you were examining the perfect handiwork of Allah. You were finding fault with what Allah had fashioned.

And "Auntie"...next time you enter someone's house, just think of your own daughter. Some day, somebody's going to enter her house...How would you like them to treat her?

Signed,
Ever Grateful.


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Readers- what would you like to tell any x-suitors and their mothers? What lessons can we learn from those experiences?

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My Best Friend's Getting Hitched.

Asalamualaikum Little Aunties (:

I am a teen and I have re-discovered my Islam for three years now, Alhamdulilah. I think I am doing pretty well, I try my best to be the best Muslimah I can be. I love Islam so much, I love to have Iman rushes, they make me so…happy…Alhamdulilah. Last year, I met someone like myself, she had the same goals as me and always greeted me with a loving smile. We would always drive to seminars together, and talk about Allah. As the year went on we became really close. She always told me she loved me like a sister, I always told her I love her too. I really did, and I really do. Anyways, one day her parents told me about the man (Husband) they found for her daughter. My heart broke. I don’t know why but I don’t want her to get married. I don’t want her to have to spend time with him. I couldn’t admit it to myself until now, but I wanted her to myself. I feel really selfish. Reeaaally selfish. Especially because I can sense a hint of excitement in her voice. And I cant explain my feelings. I honesly cant explain my feelings.I don’t understand why I feel this way towards her…I think its hindering my relationship with Allah. And I don’t want that…because I really love Allah so much. I want more that anything to please Allah and be really close to him. I cant seem to understand myself. I really don’t know what to do now…please help me.

~ConfusedCupcake

Dearest Confused Cupcake,

First of all, I want to reassure you that you're absolutely normal. I know the media spins the word 'homosexuality' a lot- so much- that many of us end up harboring fears/worries that we're not normal. If that happens to you, just ask yourself "Did you ever feel attracted to women before you met your friend?" I bet you didn't...

You know why?

This actually isn't really about her. This is about YOU.

You see, as human beings, we fear change. It unsettles us. You were used to- comfortable- happy with your life....All of a sudden, your 'best friend'- the person who understood you the most- is getting married and you feel like you're being left alone...like she's leaving you behind.... You're scared of what's going to happen and you're scared of being alone. Who are you going to hang out with now? Is she going to forget you? What are you going to do now?

So, naturally, you just don't want her to get married.

I'll let you in a little secret. When my twin had a proposal, I also didn't want her to get married. I felt terrible all the time- guilty that I wasn't sharing in her happiness- lonely- sad- but most of all scared...worried that if she got married, I'd be stuck all alone. So believe me, when I tell you that this is normal.

That said, hun, you do gotta stop for a second and just breathe in and breathe out.

1. You have to understand that 'marriage' doesn't necessarily end a friendship. She can still be your best friend. I have very close married friends. Maybe you won't see her as much, but friendship isn't based on your marital status. It is based on being there for each other. Be there for her now and you will find her there for you. Support her/ offer to go shopping with her/ help her pick her wedding invitations and dress/ whatever....Because that's what friendship is based on: communication, trust and support.

If your friend finds you at her side, helping her through her own mixed up and tangled emotions, chances are your friendship is truly going to blossom into an even maturer friendship..a friendship based on mutual support..a friendship where you give rather than 'receive'... a true sisterhood. Besides, believe me, if she's not working, when her husband is at work and she's stuck at home all day, she's going to wish that there's someone to talk to..and if she finds you at her side, she's going to turn to you again :)

If you, on the other hand, refuse to let her voice her excitement about this new stage in her life- if you sit down, all clam shut and sulky- you're the one ending the friendship. Seriously, ask yourself: "Is her marriage taking her away from me or is it my own actions that are doing that?"

2. Think about 3 reasons why this marriage is a good thing. Stop thinking about why you're unhappy. Sit down and consider things from your friend's point of view and think about why this is a good match.

3. Trust that no matter what happens, you will never be alone. Allah is always near the believers (in His mercy, power, etc.). Not only that, but think about just 2 years ago- before you knew this sister. Who sent her to you? Allah! Be grateful to Him and be open to His plan. Maybe if you're thankful and turn to Him, He will also send you more amazing sisters :)

I mean, since you're a teen but you're driving, it seems like you might be starting university or have started it already? Maybe you'll meet some other new sisters next semester who will also be very close to you. You can try joining the MSA or whatnot :)


Also trust that your turn will come and that one day you will also marry, inshaAllah...:)

And finally....
 4: Don't ever build your life around one person alone because, no matter how wonderful or perfect that person is, that person is just a person....One day, they will be gone (whether they pass away or move somewhere or you end up growing in different directions). Remember these verses:

Everyone upon the earth will perish, (26) And there will remain the Face of your Lord, Owner of Majesty and Honor. (27) So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? (28) Whoever is within the heavens and earth asks Him; every day He is bringing about a matter. (29) So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? (30) (Surat Ar Rahman).

This is something difficult to do when "Allah" seems like an abstract Being. That's why it's important to read more about Allah's attributes to understand just how Perfect He is. Talk to Him about your own feelings.

This is also a good link for you to read. http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/people-leave-each-other-but-do-they-return/

I hope inshaAllah this helps you a bit!
Lots of love,
Little auntie

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UPDATE

Asalamualaikum Little Auntie <3 JazakAllahuakaiiirrrun <333 yes, thats exactly how i feel. Im glad you understood me when i couldnt understand myself, im relieved. Alhamdulilah :) And your right, i was scarerd. Reaalllly scared. It turns out, she was scared too. Even more scared than me. She talked to me about it and started crying. I told her what you told me, that we would still have time for each other and that change is okay ^_^ She told me about her husband-to-be and she seems to really love him, he is a really good muslim MashaAllah. i am happy for her, now that i can stop thinking about myself...i really am happy for her. And i told her that. And heres the best part. i got a proposal. actually, i got two! and my parents really likes one on the men for me... AllahuAkbr...inshaAllah Kair :) Make dua for me And my Friend ^_^

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Taking a Stand

Assalamualaikum sisters,
May Allah reward you for making an effort to help your Muslim sisters.
I've just encountered your blog and have been liking it since then!!:)
I think it is time for me to seek help and maybe get a different perspective on the issues that I face in life.
I live in a non muslim majority country. I see so many people around me who proud of being a freethinker, atheist etc..
I really wanna help them to understand Islam but the problem is, I don't have the confidence to speak up in the lecture..I would just sit and listen to the lecture and even if a person misquote the qur'an or say bad stuff on Islam, I just sat there quitely, although I know that what they are saying is wrong!
and everytime it happens, I can't stop but to blame myself and hating myself for being such a coward..:(
My situation is I'm guessing not as complex as others but somehow I find myself crying and feeling angry with myself. It doesn't happen all the time but whenever I've done such a mistake, I kept blaming myself over it!I know that a Muslim should accept that everything comes from Allah but I just can't help it!
It's so frustrating because I'm an introvert person and I prefer to be an observer and a listener..it's just in my nature..
Is it wrong for me to be like this? Am I sinning for not defending the religion.? but I'm just an average Muslim girl, I dont have that much knowledge of Islam and I get nervous speaking in front of a crowd..
but I know that something's not right here..
so please, help me!!
love,
muslima

Dearest Muslima,
wa'alaykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo! :D

Awww, sister, I know what you’re talking about. If you’re like me, you’re actually a very shy person who hates confrontations. It can be hard speaking up. I love how you said though in the end “But I know that something’s not right here”…

Let’s work with that, okay. Let’s think about it this way….

How would you feel if you were standing in a corner of a room, hidden from view, and you overheard two teens talking about you? Going on and on about you- all of it just hateful lies… Just when you decide enough is enough, one of your good friend walks in. You’ve known her forever and you two have been through it all together. You’ve also helped her a lot. You think to yourself that here’s someone who will straighten everything out when you notice that she just walks right out of there without saying a word.

Who would you most be hurt by?

You see, the truth is that while Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala is beyond compare, He did make it very clear that we have to speak up when someone says something concerning Him that is wrong.

On the authority of Abu Sa'id (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

Let not any one of you belittle himself. They said: O Messenger of Allah, how can any one of us belittle himself? He said: He finds a matter concerning Allah about which he should say something, and he does not say [it], so Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says to him on the Day of Resurrection: What prevented you from saying something about such-and-such and such-and-such? He say: [It was] out of fear of people. Then He says: Rather it is I whom you should more properly fear.

It was related by Ibn Majah with a sound chain of authorities.

So the next time you hear someone saying hateful things about Allah/ Islam/ religion, I want you to stop a second and remind yourself: Allah sees me right now. And eventually, I’m going to stand in front of Him, alone, and He’s going to ask me about this. He’s going to ask me about what I did, what I said, and what I didn’t do, or didn’t say.

The reality is that Allah chose for you to be right there at that moment for a reason. It wasn’t just coincidence that you happened to be there.

It could be a test of your imaan, to see whether or not you truly care about what He thinks.

Or it could be because it’s a dawah opportunity.

Let’s admit it. It’s a little awkward to just suddenly say “Hi, I’m Muslim. Want to know more about Islam?” But if you happen to be there and someone has decided to start talking about religion/ Allah/ this is the perfect opportunity for you to do the best job out there-

And who is better in speech than one who invites to Allah and does righteousness and says, "Indeed, I am of the Muslims." (33) And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend. (34) (Surat Fussailet)

All you have to do is to say, ““Excuse me, I believe that this was taken out of context.”…or…"You know, while the media likes to spin around the idea that blah blah blah, the reality is really different. If you don’t mind, I’d like to quote what the Qur’an really says.”

And you know what? Take out a translation of the Quran (with certain verses already highlighted/bookmarked) and really show it to them. Hold it up. (Always keep a small one in your bag :P)

Most people who are respectful will either: respectfully disagree, apologize, or maybe even start a real discussion with you.

That’s all it takes. No matter how small/ tiny you feel, you can make a difference. You really can! Always remember, you’re ‘the expert’ here. You’re the one who knows what Islam really says. (If they bring up an issue that you’re not to certain about, tell them, “I need to look more into that, but I hope to get back to you on that...)

If you do happen to be talking to someone particularly nasty, at least you would know that you stood up for what you believe. At least you can go home without feeling 'guilty' or 'blaming yourself".

In fact, I just read this fantastic quote the other day:

“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.”
— Rita Mae Brown

And the truth is that even the nastiest person might be affected years later by that one word you said. Remember, Omar (Radi Allah anahoo) ended up going from wanting to kill the Prophet (literally) to being the second Caliphate.

So no matter what..It's a win- win situation :) You go home, happy with yourself, and you also plant a seed which might just grow <3

And you know what else helps? Remember that what you’re doing is following in the footsteps of the Prophets. Prophet Mohammed (sallah Allah alayhee wa salaam) had to stand up to an entire nation. All of the prophets had to stand up and to call their people to the true worship to God.

I know what you’re thinking. But, but, “I’m not a prophet”.

You don’t have to be to a prophet to defend Islam. You don’t have to be a scholar. You just have to care.


Let’s look at the Quran.

In surat Yaseen, we see that Allah Subhanoo Wa’ Tala sent three Prophets to one village. Three! But that village kept refusing to admit the truth. And so, despite the fact that 3 prophets had already been sent, one individual decided to also stand up to the truth and carry that message to his people. He felt the importance of the message of Islam and he wanted everyone to know the truth…

A man came from the other side of the village to show his support to the message. Allah says, “Then there came running, from the farthest part of the City, a man, saying, ‘O my people! Obey the apostles. Obey those who ask no reward of you (for themselves), and who have themselves received Guidance’.” (36:20,21).

This man wasn’t a prophet. Just a simple person, just like you and me.…He was just one man but he earned his place in the Quran. He earned the right to be known forever…because he took that stand.

And besides that man, I’m sure you know the stories of the Sahaba, including Bilal (Radi Allah anahoo) who went through so much. Alhamdulilla, we don’t have to go through such trials, but if we want to join these people in jannah, we also need to take a stand.

The thing that you have to remember is that Shaytaan wants you scared. He wants you to convince yourself that it’s okay if you don’t speak up, that but you know what it? What if no one spoke up? What if no one ever decided to take a stand?

I know you said that as a Muslim you should accept that everything happens for a reason, but while that is true, we still have our part to do. Allah actually promises in the Quran not to change the condition of a people until they change themselves….

Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. (13:11)

And the Quran also teaches us that one person can be equal to an entire nation….

Indeed, Abraham was (equal to) a nation, obedient to Allah, of pure faith and was not among the idolaters, (120) (Surat Al Nahl)

Just imagine…What kind of a reward you would get, if you were that person…that person who stood up and defended Allah and His chosen religion :) You just have no idea how Allah will reward you for speaking up the truth at that moment.

So, sister, smile and stand up. Speak up, even if your voice trembles. You can make things easier for yourself though by bringing a friend with you (if you have to attend the lecture) and reading more about these issues :D The more knowledgeable you are, the more confident you’ll sound and easier it will be.) I promise.

And remember… You have Allah on your side.

And strive for Allah with the striving due to Him. He has chosen you and has not placed upon you in the religion any difficulty. [It is] the religion of your father, Abraham. Allah named you "Muslims" before [in former scriptures] and in this [revelation] that the Messenger may be a witness over you and you may be witnesses over the people. So establish prayer and give zakah and hold fast to Allah. He is your protector; and excellent is the protector, and excellent is the helper. (78)(Surat Al Hajj)

P.S.

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Just want to say...

Thank you,

Shukran,

Dahn-kee

do jeh

xie xie

dêkuji

tak

kiitos

Merci

danke

efharisto

Mahalo

toda

sukria

grazie

arigato

kamsa hamnida

takk

salamat po

dziekuje

obrigado

spasibo

gracias

istutiy

asante

tack

kawp-kun krap/ka’

tesekkür ederim


One more time....

Thank YOU for nominating us for the Brass Crescent Awards. I don't know who did it but that somebody nominated us...What can I say but thank you? Jazakillah koli khair! It is seriously an incredible honor to be up in that list. We're so touched. (Read: Little Auntie felt like jumping up and down when she read the news :P)

We don't like asking people to vote for us, but if you feel that this blog has been helpful and you want to vote...It's here: http://www.brasscrescent.org/ Do check out the other blogs, though :)

And remember :) This will always be OUR blog and not just one person's blog. You guys make this blog what it is :)

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Life Make Over

Dear Little Aunties,
I don't know what I'm doing typing this to you, but here goes nothing. I never seem to get anything done. I don't pray regularly and I know I should. I haven't worn the hijab because I think it would give people the wrong impression of me as I'm not the best Muslim out there. I want to wear it when I'm a better Muslimah, inshaallah and I want to be a better Muslimah, but I don't even know where to start. I also want to lose weight but never seem to get around to exercising. My life, homework, my room, everything is a mess.Help me, please!
Want to be Better

Dear Wanting to be Better,
What a great question! I think all of us can feel that our life is a 'mess' sometimes, but not many of us will actually pause and really try and turn it around. Instead, most of us just wait for our lives to somehow fix themselves...which, let's face it...doesn't happen! So yeah, I think it's super fantastic that you've turned this question in! Because you know what, little cupcake? You deserve to live the life you want NOW. (Besides, this gives me the opportunity to reflect on my life and what I want to do :P)

So how do you go about fixing your life?

Well, the first thing is to accept that there will never be a more perfect day to start living the life you want than today. Don't wait for the 'right moment'- there isn't going to be a neon-light telling you "You should change your life today" or some magical sign saying, "Today's the DAY!"

You should decide that today is going to be that day because you're alive and you're grateful to be alive and you're ready for that girl, who you really are, to come out and shine. Decide right now that you are ready to be who you want to be. Say it out loud. Jump up and down. Face yourself in the mirror. Write it down.

"I am ready to be the person I want to be".

I so know what you're thinking. "Yeah, that's great. Uh huh. I'll do that tomorrow".

Well, cupcake, chances are, tomorrow's going to come and your body is going to tense up. It's going to panic big time. 'Oh, no, she's really going to do that 'health thing'/ she's going to turn all geeky on us/ she's going to be all super Muslim praying now". You're going to look around- at your life -at your room- whatever- and you're going to find another excuse to delay it again. You're going to worry yourself into thinking that you need to exert too much effort to change your life....

You're gonna panic.

Seriously. Dr. Ibrahim al Fiqy (the guy I quote a lot) said that our brains are composed of two parts: the dynamic part and the static part. The dynamic part of us wants us to CHANGE...It's like "GET up, will you. Do something, already". But our static part is a lot like our mothers. It doesn't want us to do anything that will take up too much energy/ time/ effort. It's like "Sweetie, why tire yourself. You're good the way you are. Let's just stick to what we know. Change requires too much effort."

The problem is, if you listen to it- to your static side-you're going to find yourself, one year later, still writing the same New Year Resolutions. "I want to pray. I want to wear hijab. Etc."

But if you can start now, ever so slowly, if you can take 5 minutes today...and start the changes you want, you'll find that with time, your static side is going to believe that these were all your habits, anyways.

You dig?

Ha, I just felt like saying dig, cause I would never say that in real life. In real life I say, "do you understand what I'm saying?"

But seriously, let me translate that into 2 steps.

Step 1: Decide now what it is that you want to do in clear positive terms(not what you don't want to do). Write it down. Explain
- why do you want to do what you want to do
- what are the steps you're going to take
- how are you going to avoid the pitfalls/ what usually gets you down
- who is going to support you and all that stuff
I suggest (read: OMG YOU HAVE TO OPEN THIS RIGHT NOW) fill it all out in this this interactive plan thingy below. (I suggest you choose Lex, the guy who wants to stop procrastinating, as the 'reference point). I want EVERY sister here to try it out for herself. It's seriously awesome.

You see, it's easy for me to write some steps but I don't actually know what gets you down at home, what distracts you, who will help you, etc. I'm not actually with you, right. If you use this tool, you're going to have a real guide that will be written for YOU by YOU.

Click HERE to make your own guide!

Once you've done the plan, stick to the plan. Print it. Put it up where you can see it.

Step 2: Kick-Start the changes you want by trying out the 5 minute rule
- Today, before you go to sleep, clean up your room for a full 5 minutes. Get out a watch and seriously make sure you take 5 minutes and just organize your stuff. If you need to, buy some boxes/ paper file things. Label the boxes. Remember, it's easier to spend 5 minutes each day, tidying up your room, than spending a weekend on it. (Besides, why waste your weekends on that?!)
- Take 5 minutes and pray each prayer. That's all you need. 5 minutes for each prayer. (See here)
-Spend 5 minutes cutting up a healthy snack: cucumbers or carrots
- Spend 5 minutes walking/ doing some exercise you like

- Whenever you have a homework assignment that you don't feel like doing, tell yourself that you're going to work on it for 5 minutes. Trust me. Sometimes, I get really overwhelmed and don't feel like 'writing my teaching plan' for the week or doing anything. I tell myself "Just write for 5 minutes". Once I start, I find I don't want to stop. I just want to finish it. Try it with your homework.

At the end of today, tell me how fantastic you feel?

Because that's all you need....5 minutes and you've started the journey to living the life you want.

With time, you can increase these 5 minutes to 7, 10, 15...Reward yourself after a week.

Always go back to the plan you developed.

But wait, darling, I'm not done. Let's be a bit more specific about how to be a better Muslimah.


1. Make your intention that you are trying to be a better Muslimah. Be sincere. Ask Allah to help you.

2. Work on the obligatory things. Then move on to the extra things or nawafil.

This is because Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala said in the hadith:

My servant draws not near to Me with anything more loved by Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My servant continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him"

What are the obligatory things that you can tackle? Prayer, prayer, prayer (see our previous articles).


3. Understand Islam more. Familiarize yourself as much as possible with the aqeedah. Who exactly is Allah in Islam? Does He have eyes? What do we as Muslims really believe in? Actually, I myself am currently re-reading this as a refresher Our Creed

Let me give you some other recommended links:

To understand the Qur'an better:

Audio Tafsir by Bayyinah: http://bayyinah.com/podcast/ 

To learn more about the Prophet's life: 

http://www.prophetictimeline.com/

Desert Rose

Every few days, spend 5 minutes going through these 40 Hadiths (An Nawawi) which comprise the main essential and fundamental concepts of Islam.

There are also these 40 hadith Qudsi which are very inspirational. These are things that Allah actually said but not necessarily in those exact words :) These, inshaAllah will help keep you motivated when you find yourself slacking off ;)

  Another way you can learn more about Islam is to ASK more. Every couple of weeks, think of a question/ concern you have and bring it up at your local mosque/ ask someone trustworthy, inshaAllah. As much as possible, attend the Friday prayers at a local mosque :)

 4. Friends, friends, friends! That's really important. It can be a hard and lonely time when you try to become a better Muslimah- it's important that you surround yourself with people who can help you up and boost your faith, inshaAllah.

What else can you do to be a better Muslimah?

See more ideas here:

I also want to address your concern about hijab. Basically, this is what I got from you...(Correct me, if I'm wrong ;P)

"Little Auntie, I want to wear hijab when I'm a better Muslimah. If I wear it now, I'll be a hypocrite.People will think something of me that's not true. I'm not perfect, yet."

Girl.

I hate to say this, but you're falling for Shaytaan's trap, big time. Shaytaan is telling you to procrastinate because he doesn't want to see you do the right thing. He doesn't want to see you take a step towards Allah.

You see, hunny, you'll never be perfect. The hijab isn't meant to be about the message you send to the people around you. It's not about what other people think of you. The hijab is about you and Your Master. When you wear it, you are acknowledging that Allah is Worthy of your Worship. You are saying that He is Worthy of you to change your life for Him and what you wear.

You're not saying that 'you are perfect'.
You are saying that Allah is Perfect and that His Commands are perfect...and that what He's asked you to do, you're going to try and do it.

I'm going to make this a bit clearer.

Even if you wear hijab and you continue to engage in your old sins (e.g. listening to inappropriate music), that doesn't make you a hypocrite.

A hypocrite is someone who hides his 'disbelief'- someone who doesn't believe in God, for example, but pretends to. Someone who secretly inside is happy whenever people insult the Messenger or attack our Qura'n.

A Muslim, on the other hand, is someone who hides his 'sins'.

So, keeping with the earlier example, if you listen to music, you're not supposed to flaunt that. You don't recommend songs to people. You don't put up music videos on facebook. That's what you do.

You do not, 'not' wear hijab, because you 'still listen to music' and are not a perfect Muslim, yet. (Wow, double not :P)

Instead you hide the particular sin you need to hide.

Every hijabi, niqabi, non-hijabi, whatever has some sin that she's struggling with. You don't need to wait until you're the best Muslimah you can be to wear the hijab. You can wear the hijab and continue to try to be the best Muslimah you can be, right now.

If you need more inspiration on that, just go to I Got it Covered (and you can also check our previous articles on hijab).


Well, darling, these are my thoughts on your little question. I hope this helps get you in the right mood. Of course, I'm leaving this for the other sisters to pitch in with their ideas on how to live the life you want NOW =)

May Allah grant you peace and happiness....

Remember, I believe in you :D

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