If only he were Muslim.

I met someone that I have never met before in my life, and no words can explain his character, but a few things to say, he has the greatest, kindest, generous, caring heart I have ever come across. He is smart, charming, handsome, strong, wise, and just all of the above. BUT sadly he is not Muslim. He is Catholic. Nonetheless, I could not help my feelings towards him, and I have fell in love with him. I tried to not let it get to that point, but it just kind of happened. I tried to trick my heart and telling it, I had no feelings for him, but I was clearly lying to myself when all I could think or breathe is him. The feelings between us are very strong and mutual. I don't know what to do, I know this is wrong and haraam and all that, but is it really haraam to love someone with all your heart? He is a better person inside and out than most Muslims I know, and yet they have a chance to go to heaven, and not him? I know, its because he is not Muslim and does not have faith in Allah or our prophet (pbuh), and I want more than anything to educate him on Islam NOT just so maybe we could get married, but because I can't think about him going to hell as a disbeliever. I want to show him the right path to Islam whether we stay together or not. I don't know, I know I probably sound dumb or the worst person ever, but I just had to email you, I know you are not judgmental, and are open minded and hope to get some advice. Tomorrow insha'Allah is Ramadan, and I have ordered the english version of the Holy Qura'an and hopefully he can read it with me too.  I just love this guy so much and want to show him the right way.

wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo, my darling sister,

First of all, let me wish you a wonderful Ramadan. May Allah let this Ramadan be a means to bring you close to Him and His pleasure =)

Second of all, your story reminds me of the story of Zainab, the Prophet's daughter, sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam. Have you read about her story? This is the full story which I definitely recommend that you read...but I'm also going to summarize it a bit, for you :) 

Basically, before Islam was revealed, Zainab was married to a man named Abul-Aas. He was her relative (a cousin, I think), but their marriage life was based on mutual love. When Islam was revealed, though, Zainab accepted it, but her husband didn't. At first, they continued to live together as the command had not yet been given that women could not marry men of different faiths. Yet, things were really not easy. The Battle of Badr happened and Zainab had to endure the pain of knowing that her father and husband were fighting different sides. Her husband was taken captive by the Muslims. Still loving him, she sent her necklace as payment to free him. This was actually a very special necklace that she had been given by her mother, Khadija. When Prophet Mohammed found the necklace, he immediately remembered Khadijah [his own love :)} and he freed Zainab's husband [and asked the people if he could give Zainab back her necklace, too]. However, although Aboul-As was freed, the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam explained to Abul-Aas that Zainab was no longer allowed to be married to him as Quran had been revealed against that kind of marriage. 

Her husband now became her ex-husband.

Zainab left her homeland and her husband and went to Madina.

 Deen over dunya. God over man. Love of Allah over love of a man.

After a long time and more hardships endured, the Muslims ended up capturing a caravan that was returning from Syria. This was actually Zainab's ex-husband's caravan. Although his caravan was captured, he escaped...but he was now stuck in Madinah, in the land of Muslims, and he was not a Muslim [and had fought the Muslims before]. Fearing for his safety and with no one else to count on, Aboul-As headed to Zainab's house. In the middle of the night he found her house and told her about his problems: that he was worried about his safety and that he needed to return the goods to the people who had purchased it. 

Zainab did not let him down. After fajr prayer, she announced to the people of Madina that Aboul-As was under her protection. [This was the system they used back then...] Nobody could think to hurt him, now...especially since he was under the protection of the prophet's daughter!

Prophet Mohammed told her: Receive him with all honor, but let him not come to you as a husband, for you are not his by law". 

She still could not be with him....though her heart still loved him.

To cut a long story short, he finally did accept Islam. And their marriage was renewed :) (A little while later, I believe it was one year, Zainab passed away.)

So, why do I tell you all this?

Because hun, what you're going through ....the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam's daughter went through. All your feelings...how much you want to be with him.....you can bet Zainab felt that, too. But when faced with the decision of what to pick, Zainab shows us that we have to pick Allah.

 Deen over dunya. God over man. Love of Allah over love of a man.

You ask: is it haraam to love someone with all your heart?

The heart sometimes follows its own tides. It sometimes doesn't listen to our minds. We say "No, you can't love him," and the heart answers, "I already do." 

But as this story shows, it's not about what your heart FEELS. Zainab clearly still loved her husband.

It's about what you CHOOSE.

Are you going to choose to let your heart rule you? Or are you going to rule your heart? Do you obey your desires? Or do you train them to obey you? Maybe you cannot control your heart, but you definitely CAN control your actions...and that's something you are going to be judged on. 

And you know what? Sometimes you love something but it's not the best thing for you. We gave the example before of a chocolate and a cucumber. How many of us would willingly choose a chocolate over a cucumber? What would a doctor say, though? What's better for our health? The doctor would know, right? 

Well, when it comes to our hearts, Allah subhanoo wa' Tala knows what is best for us. I mean, really think about it. He is the One who created our hearts in the first place, isn't He?

And He is the one who in His Wisdom, Knowledge and even Mercy decreed that we cannot marry people of different faiths.

And you know what? When you think about it, it really makes sense. Marrying someone of a different faith would be like using different sized wheels at the same time and trying to ride the bike. A little difficult.

 Think about it. 

 Islam is not just a weekend religion. It's something that affects everything about us- what we wear, eat, say, the holidays we celebrate, and even where we go and what we see! I know that you're saying that this person is a good person but what happens when he doesn't agree with all these rules? What happens when he doesn't want to raise his children to fast Ramadan, for example? Or what if he teaches them that the Quran isn't the "real" word of God? What happens when he lets pork in the house? 

The truth is, the Prophet didn't just advise us to marry any Muslim. He advised us to marry the one with good manners and the one who knows his religion/ is pious. You know why? Because marriage is the means we have to build an Ummah that serves Allah well. Marriage is the foundation- the very cornerstone- of our Muslim Ummah.

Ask yourself: what have you done for Islam, lately? What if...what if you were to raise a family knowing Allah? A family that lives and breathes Islam? What would your reward be?

I'm not saying that marriage is only about the Ummah, though. Allah describes the feelings between spouses in the Quran as "muwada" and "rahma"- love and mercy. And He describes the spouses as garments for each other. There is love and there is romance and all that stuff....you deserve to love and be loved in return, but you really need it to be someone who will understand every aspect of you. Someone who will read Quran with you, fast, pray and at the same time, do the hokey pokey with your children. Someone who will love you so much that he will care for your Hereafter and beg you to wear hijab. Someone who will do everything he can to make sure you and your children and him are family in Jannah- under the throne of Ar-Rahman.

I know this is a bitter pill to swallow.

And it's hard to write.

But Allah tests us to the extent of our faith. Some things happened and this person was let in to your life....now what are you going to do about it? :)

I'll give you a few tips:

a) You need to let him know that you can't pursue this relationship as it is not allowed in your religion

b) You can give him the Quran translation you ordered, inshaAllah, and also send him some books/ links/ resources on Islam. You can show him this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ-xc7kr5_o

c) Start learning more about Allah. Read our posts on loving Him, too.

http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2011/05/hes-my-whole-world.html http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2012/03/numero-1.html

d) Stop thinking about the similarities you share with him and just think a bit about the differences. And what those differences entail. You need someone who will honor and cherish both sides of you as an American Muslim. Someone who will understand your sense of humor but who will also help you wake up for fajr time. Someone who will eat brownies with you while you listen to a nice Islamic lecture. 

e) Make dua to Allah to replace him with someone better for you. [Browse the profiles of a Muslim matrimonial website such as Single Muslim to see if there are people who are like you. ]

e) Try and busy yourself with something. Why not take the time now to seek knowledge? Taraweeh? Quran? This month is the MONTH that you really should use to get to jannah, inshaAllah

f) Remember, he's a non-Muslim and if you do get into a relationship with him, then you are deliberately setting yourself and him up for disaster (heart break). I mean, besides being haram, you are being unfair to him. Think about that :) 


I know this is probably going to be the hardest battle you fight....but now is the time for the gold in you to shine. Now is the time for you to tell Allah: Thank you for blessing me with this Ramadan. This Ramadan, I'm not only going to give up my food and water for you. I'm going to reclaim my heart for YOU. May Allah make things easier for you!

With all my love,

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Taraweeh? Tahajjud? How to?

Assalaamu' alaykum Auntie,
Thank you very much for such a LOVELY blog, your advice is so helpful, and I hope you Insh'Allah continue on helping others and giving advice. I really, really need help..i'm 16 yrs old, and feel that i've wasted most of my Ramadhan's- usually by sleeping, waking up then eating and going off to bed again, I wanted to Insh'Allah make use of this Ramadhan but feel very confused over some things. I remember when I learnt how to pray when I was younger I found it difficult to remember the number of rakah's to pray and the niyah for each Salah...I'm kind of facing that same problem again and would really appreciate your help.
I see older cousins/friend in Ramadhan praying Tarawih..I have some questions, could you please tell me briefly what it is and when we pray this..my main problem is how many rakah's do we pray for Tarawih? I tried searching on Google but ended up more confused, and what about the niyah? What do I have to say? Is it exactly the same for the obligatory 5 prayers? I'm so confused...and i'm having the same problem with the Tahajjud prayers, i'd like to Insh'Allah pray this a few times in Ramadhan and maybe develop it into a habit Insh'Allah- but how many rakah's and what do I say for the niyah?
I find it hard to ask people directly things that I really need help with, so thanks a lot for the blog Auntie! :D I promise to leave a comment in the answer thread (i'm the short_sister who drops a comment now and then)

wa'alaykum as salam wa rahmatullah aw barkatoo, Short_sister feeling confused ,

Your email brought a huge smile to my face! It's wonderful to see you already planning ahead and wanting to really make the most out of this Ramadan, insahAllah :)

You asked some great questions =)

Let's first talk about "niyah" when it comes to ANY salah. 

Niyah means intention. It means that you have a true and firm intention to really pray. The niyah isn't something that is found in the words you choose to use but what is actually in your HEART.

Ibn al-Qayyim said in Zaad al-Ma’aad (1/201): 

When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stood up to pray, he would say: “Allaahu akbar,” and he did not say anything before that, or utter the intention (niyyah) out loud at all. He did not say, “I am going to pray such-and-such a prayer, facing the qiblah, four rak'ahs, as an imam or following an imam.” And he did not say “ada’an (on time)” or “qadaa’an (making up a missed prayer)” or “fard al-waqt (the obligatory prayer of this time).” 

So, following the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam's example, you do not have to say anything out loud :) You can totally relax on that part.

Also: Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about the intention when starting to do an act of worship such as praying etc., do we need to utter it verbally, such as saying, “I intend to pray, I intend to fast”?*!

He replied:*!
Praise be to Allaah.*!
The intention of purifying oneself by doing wudoo’ ghusl or tayammum, of praying, fasting, paying zakaah, offering kafaarah (expiation) and other acts of worship does not need to be uttered verbally, according to the consensus of the imaams of Islam. Rather the place of intention is the heart, according to the consensus among them. If a person utters something by mistake that goes against what is in his heart, then what counts is what he intended, not what he said.*!

http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/13337/Niyyah

In fact, your intention for salah begins when you start making your wudu, inshaAllah. So don't stress about what to say. 

Now, what is Tarawih and what is Tahajjud? And how do we pray them? 

Here's the thing. Qiyam or standing in the night is the term used to refer to voluntary night prayers which are performed from after Isha prayer until dawn.'


We use the words tahajjud and taraweeh to simplify things but they are actually not different prayers. This is what we commonly use them to describe:

Tahajjud: Any salah performed after one sleeps during the night. That means, that you went to sleep, and then woke up to pray extra prayers.

Taraweeh:  voluntary night prayers performed during the month of Ramadan.

To simplify when we use these names more, if you were to go to a mosque during Ramadan, taraweeh would begin after the Isha prayer immediately. Tahajjud prayers would begin in the middle of the night, say 1:00 a.m. or 2:00. (You would have had a chance to sleep for one or two hours and then wake up).

But how do you pray them?

The Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم said, “Night prayer is two by two.” (Bukhari and Muslim). 

Also, Aisha Radiya Allah Anha was reported as saying: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray eleven rak’ahs at night, and say the tasleem after each two rak’ahs, and he would pray Witr with one rak’ah. Saheeh, agreed upon. [Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him: Fataawa Islamiyyah (2/156).]

What that  basically means is that you pray 2 rakhat, just like Fajr prayer. You say the salams at the end of the 2 Rakhat.

One thing to keep in mind, though, is that Taraweeh, got its name from  tarweehah, which means the space of rest between every two rak’ah. Usually in mosques that pray 8 ones, they give a short break after praying 2 sets of 2 rakhat (after praying 4 rakhat). So you pray 2 prayers, take a break, and then continue again.

How many rak’ah is it? There are different opinions. These include: 
1. Eight Rak’ah:
- Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that that Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم never prayed more than eight rak’ah (plus three witr).
- This was the opinion of Shaykh Al-Albanee (may Allah have mercy on him), he said more than eight is an innovation (bid’ah).
2. Twenty Rak’ah:
- Umar ibn Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) brought the people together to perform Taraweeh and it was performed in twenty rak’ah (However, authenticity of the narrations are disputable) . To read more on this: http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/82152/
3. No specific number:
- The Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم never limited the number, he said: “Night prayer is two by two.”
- Ibn Taymiyah and Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on them) did not limit the number of rak’ahs, although, in terms of quality and quantity, they preferred eight rak’ah.

At the end of the day, the Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم : “Whoever stands with the imaam until he finishes, it is equivalent to spending the whole night in prayer.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 806; Abu Dawood, 1375; al-Nasaa’i, 1605; Ibn Maajah, 1327. Classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi, Ibn Khuzaymah (3/337), Ibn Hibbaan (3/340) and al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 447.)

Hope that helps sort the confusion a bit. Please sisters correct me if there's anything wrong in there :) And finally, May Allah let us be among these people mentioned in the Quran:

Verily, the Muttaqoon (the pious) will be in the midst of Gardens and Springs (in the Paradise),

16. Taking joy in the things which their Lord has given them. Verily, they were before this Muhsinoon (good‑doers).

17. They used to sleep but little by night [invoking their Lord (Allaah) and praying, with fear and hope]”

[al-Dhaariyaat 51:15-17] 

16. Their sides forsake their beds, to invoke their Lord in fear and hope, and they spend (in charity in Allaah’s Cause) out of what We have bestowed on them.

17. No person knows what is kept hidden for them of joy as a reward for what they used to do”

[al-Sajdah 32:15-17] 

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Pride vs. Self-Esteem

Assalamu'alaikum, sis how can i build my self-esteem? There is something related with my childhood and my parents. They are not so happy couple. Alhamdulillah everything is okay now. I was so shy and introverted person. I've started practice Islam alhamdulillah. Sometimes, though i can not make difference in self-esteem and pride. Please help me in this. -sometimes hopeless sis

Asalamu aliakaum, Sometimes Hopeless Sister,

Sis, you've brought up some great questions. What is the difference between pride and self-esteem? How does one increase one's self-esteem? 

So, let's start. Let's open our Qurans. Ready? 

"I am better than him. You created me from fire

  but You created him from clay."(Surah Sad: 76)

Who said that? 

Yup, you are right. That was Shaytaan who said that.

And that, my friend, is the clearest example of negative pride. Pride, as we can see then, is to imagine that you are better than others. It's when you look at others and think, "Cough. You pathetic loser. You are so beneath me. You can only dream of being someone as great and worthy as wonderful ME". While that sounds funny, the truth is pride is basically an inherent belief  that you are above others and that others are less than you. This was the mistake that Shaytaan made in that verse. He looked at himself and couldn't fathom why Allah would command him to bow down to Adam. 

The Quran also shows us another example of negative pride in the form of "Qarun" in the Quran. Just who was Qarun?

Indeed, Qarun was from the people of Moses, but he tyrannized them. And We gave him of treasures whose keys would burden a band of strong men; thereupon his people said to him, "Do not exult. Indeed, Allah does not like the exultant. (76) But seek, through that which Allah has given you, the home of the Hereafter; and [yet], do not forget your share of the world. And do good as Allah has done good to you. And desire not corruption in the land. Indeed, Allah does not like corrupters." (77) He said, "I was only given it because of knowledge I have." Did he not know that Allah had destroyed before him of generations those who were greater than him in power and greater in accumulation [of wealth]? .....{78} Al Qassas

You see how Qarun attributed the blessings he had been given to himself? How he felt that he was the one who earned them and brought them for himself? How vain he was?

On the other hand, the Quran shows us a clear example of healthy self esteem.

And the king said, "Bring him to me; I will appoint him exclusively for myself." And when he spoke to him, he said, "Indeed, you are today established [in position] and trusted." (54) [Yusuf] said, "Appoint me over the storehouses of the land. Indeed, I will be a knowing guardian." (55) [Surat Yusuf]

Yusuf goes on later to say: My Lord, You have given me [something] of sovereignty and taught me of the interpretation of dreams. Creator of the heavens and earth, You are my protector in this world and in the Hereafter. Cause me to die a Muslim and join me with the righteous." (101)

As we can see from these two verses, Yusuf alyhee wa salam asked the King to give him the position basically of Treasury of State. Although that's a high position, Yusuf didn't ask for it because he wanted to show off. He asked for the position because he knew he had been blessed by Allah with certain capabilities and he wanted to use those abilities as best as he could. "He wanted to dispense the harvest in the wisest, best and most beneficial way [Qtafsir.com]". The second verse clearly displays that Yusuf recognized that what he had came from Allah and that it was Allah who had blessed him with certain talents. That's where he was very different from Qarun.

Look also how he asks Allah to let him join with the righteous. A person with good self esteem doesn't feel good about himself by putting others down. Yusuf alyhee as salam didn't look at others and think that he was better than them. He didn't say, "I'm the prophet. You people are beneath me." He asked to be of the good people. A person with good self-esteem knows that he is a special person, yet he/she is still humble. 

Okay, so where are we going with this?

Healthy self esteem is when you realize that you were created by Allah perfectly and that He fashioned you. You realize that you are someone valuable and worthy, just like all of your fellow human beings. You don't put yourself down and you don't put others down, either.

 Good self esteem is when you can recognize the gifts and opportunities Allah gave you and be grateful for them and ask Allah to keep blessing you.

Pride, on the other hand, is when you look down on others and think that you are the best. It's when you're praying and thinking 'You losers, you. I'm the best. Look at how amazing I pray. I am so going to jannah. Wish there were more people like me."  

So how can we nurture good self esteem? 

Hun, every one of us has some talent...be it the way you sing (nasheeds :P), how quick you are with numbers, how well you put colors together, how well you are at cooking/poetry/ painting....even your beautiful smile :) Every one of us has something special about us. 

In an earlier post, we gave some of the following ideas:

*  Write a list of things that you like about yourself. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s important that you recognize your good values, whether it’s how patient you are or how you help your little brother with his homework. You should be able to think up of at least 10 things that you like about yourself. Whenever you’re feeling a little down, just take out your list and remind yourself of how special you are. You can even talk to yourself in the mirror. 

* Don't listen to rude and insulting words. If five people call you ugly, then you tell yourself five times that you are beautiful. Don't let others tell you what to think about yourself!

* Part of feeling good about yourself comes from accomplishing things. Now, don’t get me wrong- these don’t have to be big things, even getting small things done can make you feel a lot better. So the next step is to try to write a few goals. 


Remember, we can all work on some things. What is it about you that you wish you could improve? Maybe you get angry really quickly? Or you say what’s on your mind without thinking? You know yourself best. Write down a few goals on a sheet of paper. I recommend writing it as if you’ve already accomplished it. For example,“I now clean my room without being told”. If you read your goals each day, you should feel motivated to really work on it.

Here are some other interesting ideas and tips: http://www.wikihow.com/Develop-Self-Esteem

Sisters, share your tips, too :)

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Safety, First?

I have something that is REALLY bothering me and this something is REALLY serious.
Hijab. I am in love with hijab. I adore hijab. I think hijab is beautiful. I firmly believe that my Lord has commanded me to wear hijab.
I WANT hijab.
But here's the problem...I've been quiet about this for the most part on the web, but I don't wear hijab yet. And it kills me. Every. Single. Time. I. Leave. The. House. I know what I am doing is  terribly wrong (please throw in a dua for me). Let me explain...
I live in a tiny tiny town with my Mom and Dad. Muslims are slim to nill. There were a couple, but my parents had some rough experiences with the Muslim community in the past and so we kind of broke away from it. I'm pretty sure I am the only Muslim female student on my campus...I know there's brothers, but I don't know them personally.
My parents are very Allah-conscious and have always raised me to be the same. They encourage me to pray, fast, and be a good Muslim and the three of us are trying the best we can despite the difficulties of our situation (and Allah knows best). But there is one thing I cannot seem to make them budge on and that is hijab. They are not against it by any means and in fact, my Mom wants to start wearing it herself as well. But because of our situation, they are extremely worried about our safety and they will not allow me to wear hijab yet. InshaAllah we are planning on migrating to my Mom's country (Malaysia) once I finish my undergrad studies, but that is another 3 or more years and a long time to go without wearing hijab.
I know that hijab is obligatory upon us and I don't feel comfortable that my mom and I are not observing it. I am afraid of the sins we are accumulating every time we leave our house. My parents have good intentions and they want to protect me, but I know that Allah would protect us if we wore the hijab. I have tried so many times to explain to them its importance and they understand it and believe in it. But they just keep saying that we can't do it right now and I don't know how to change their minds.
 I thought about going behind my parent's back and wearing it, but what if they found out? Do they have the power to stop me from wearing it? It is wrong to obey them in this? Should I just wear it? Can they stop me? I don't know what to do anymore dearest auntie. I am single and after Allah my parents are all I have in this place as my family lives so far away. I do not want to disobey them and I know they are just trying to keep me safe with all of the Muslim backlash and with me being a young woman, but it is almost unbearable to live with the knowledge that I am disobeying my Creator. It's a mess, but Alhamdullilah, I look at our brothers and sisters who are suffering and indeed it could always be worse.
But I really need your help. I don't know how to change my parent's minds as they seem to be firm upon their decision. They know that hijab is mandatory and I have read to them from igotitcovered, etc., but nothing changes. I have faith that Allah will help us and I thank Him for guiding me to Dear Little Auntie. It feels so good to just let all of this out.
Any advice you may have will be much appreciated. May Allah grant you the best of this world and the Jannatul Firdous in the next and may He bless you, guide you, forgive you, and be with you always.

wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo,

awww, sister, your email really touched me. I see a daughter torn between wanting to obey her parents and wanting to fulfill her Lord's commands.I see a Muslim girl, although alone in her university, fully aware that she is not alone and that Allah is with her. 

So..what to do?

First of all, from an Islamic point of view, it is entirely okay to wear the hijab behind your parent's back. 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience if it involves disobedience towards Allaah; obedience is only in that which is right and proper.” Narrated by (al-Bukhaari (7257) and Muslim (1840).  

Let's take an analogy. Imagine your parents were against praying salah.or against reading Quran. Would you obey them? You would probably try and find ways to pray/ read behind their back (just like a convert does).

Does that mean that I am advising you to do it behind their back? Well, I still think you could try talking to them about it again.

This time, don't try to convince them that the hijab is mandatory. They already believe that and they firmly believe that you will eventually do it. What you need to talk to them about is their primary concern: your safety. That should be your focal point.

1. Ask them for a trial period: ask them to try wearing it for one day or two days. Tell them that if you feel that your safety was jeopardized, you won't bring up the matter again...but if nothing happens, could you at least be given the chance to experience wearing it?

2. Tell them the different safety measures that you will be taking: 

a) Agree that you will not go out alone while wearing the scarf

b) Remind them that you will always have your cell phone with you (ready to call if anyone tries to do something

c) Buy things like pepper spray and promise to carry them with you (and other safety products: http://www.safetygirl.com/)

d) Ask about taking a self defense course

e) Talk to the security department in your university before wearing the hijab and ask for their protection

3. Research what the violence is like in your city. Have there ever been any recorded crimes against hijab? What actions were taken? If there weren't any problems, why live in fear? 

4. Show them success stories of hijab :) Recently, a young Muslim girl, a graduate of CU Boulder, was photographed with Barack Obama. She was an outspoken member in her university and was known for her commitment to excellence. She was also just chosen to represent the United States of America in a UN meeting this August. All this,while wearing hijab.  

5. Go out and do it. After wearing it for 2 or 3 weeks or even a month, talk to them about your experience with it.

Finally, although I know that you are planning to emigrate to a Muslim country, I thought these verses were a powerful reminder:  

Indeed, those whom the angels take [in death] while wronging themselves - [the angels] will say, "In what [condition] were you?" They will say, "We were oppressed in the land." The angels will say, "Was not the earth of Allah spacious [enough] for you to emigrate therein?" For those, their refuge is Hell - and evil it is as a destination. (97)Except for the oppressed among men, women and children who cannot devise a plan nor are they directed to a way - (98) For those it is expected that Allah will pardon them, and Allah is ever Pardoning and Forgiving. (99) [Surat al Nisa]

When a person is truly oppressed, then they can claim oppression as their excuse not to do what Allah has commanded.

But that is why it is important that you exhaust every method possible before thinking that you can't do it/ you're stuck in a non-Muslim land/etc.

Well, sister, I pray that things are easier for you. May Allah soften your parents' hearts and let the hijab be easy for you.

P.S. Don't forget to start your days with adkhar, too :)

P.S.S. Please note that although I mentioned that young woman who was photographed with Obama, I do not approve of shaking the hands of men.

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Jannah-tainable

How can i make Jannah seem more real and attainable to me?- This is my main question since i can only imagine Jannah but i cant make myself focus on it and i dont know why!I cant seem to figure out a way to make Jannah a real goal for myself since it seems so AMAZING but nearly impossible,..I dont know how to make myself see it as real ...I know this is a silly question but I need help with my imaan.

Dear Sis,

That’s not a silly question at all. The truth is that most of us suffer from the very same problem; as much as we claim we believe in jannah, the Hereafter seems very distant.

In fact, as you said, all too often, it seems almost like an impossible dream…beautiful, amazing..but not exactly real.

So, then, how can we turn it into something concrete in our minds?

One idea is to go scuba diving.

Lol. Seriously, though, one thing that has always stumped me is the fact that so many wonders lie under the sea. Caves, coral, diverse creatures, colors of every kind…. These things are so close to us, yet at the same time…it’s a whole other world out there.

Reflecting on the fact (that such an incredible world already exists right underneath us/ next to us), should help us realize that jannah is also very much real. [We simply don’t see it, right now :D}

Really, think about it.

And think about all the other amazing natural scenes around us? Just look at the pictures! Subhan Allah, there are so many stunning places-waterfalls, islands, forests, mountains, etc that are absolutely breathtaking.  Try going out and watching the sunrise or sunset at a beach…

When we reflect on these scenes, we realize that if such beauty could exist here on earth, who’s to say that there isn’t something more beautiful out there? If all this can exist in a place where we sin and go against Allah’s commands, what about a place where there are no sins? 

SubhanAllah, every year, by way of the seasons, Allah shows us His ability to take away life and bring it back ...to something even more beautiful. Think about how the trees look in winter and how they blossom in spring. In the very same way, we are going to leave this earth...and blossom in paradise, inshaAllah.

On the other hand, sometimes, it’s not a matter of not believing it exists, but of overwhelming ourselves with thoughts like “How could I deserve that?”

To make it a real goal, we have to first, stop visualizing it as a place for “perfect people”. It is a “perfect place”, created by the Most Perfect (Allah) for His slaves of this dunya who turn to Him, despite their imperfections. Allah says:

And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous (133) ……………… And those who, when they commit an immorality or wrong themselves [by transgression], remember Allah and seek forgiveness for their sins - and who can forgive sins except Allah? - and [who] do not persist in what they have done while they know. (135) Those - their reward is forgiveness from their Lord and gardens beneath which rivers flow [in Paradise], wherein they will abide eternally; and excellent is the reward of the [righteous] workers. (136) [Surat Al Imran]

Notice how Allah says that these servants sometimes do wrong themselves, but that they do not persist in their wrong doing and turn back to Allah.

It’s not a matter than of being perfect, but of constantly doing tawbah and returning back to Allah.

In fact, in order for us to think of the possibility of even entering jannah, we have to put our faith, hope and trust in Allah’s Mercy. We should of course do actions to help us gain His Mercy, but we should never make the mistake of thinking that we could “earn” paradise by our deeds alone.

Bukhari Volume 8, Book 76, Number 471:Narrated 'Aisha:Allah's Apostle said, "Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately and know that your deeds will not make you enter Paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allah's is the most regular and constant even though it were little."

Bukhari Volume 8, Book 76, Number 470:Narrated Abu Huraira:Allah's Apostle said, "The deeds of anyone of you will not save you." They said, "Even you (will not be saved by your deeds), O Allah's Apostle?" He said, "No, even I (will not be saved) unless and until Allah bestows His Mercy on me. Therefore, do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately, and worship Allah in the forenoon and in the afternoon and during a part of the night, and always adopt a middle, moderate, regular course whereby you will reach your target (Paradise)."

You see? You don't need to overwhelm yourself. Instead,  like any goal we make, we need to break it down into small, identifiable tasks that we can do. We need to open the Quran and make a checklist of the actions that will bring us closer to this goal:

Certainly will the believers have succeeded: (1) They who are during their prayer humbly submissive (2)And they who turn away from ill speech (3) And they who are observant of zakah (4) And they who guard their private parts (5) Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed - (6) But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors - (7) And they who are to their trusts and their promises attentive (8) And they who carefully maintain their prayers - (9) Those are the inheritors (10) Who will inherit al-Firdaus. They will abide therein eternally. (Surat Al Mu’minoon)

Why not make a chart with these things listed? Put the chart up in your room and check each day what you’ve done to bring you closer.

And keep reading more of the Quran and seeing what other things that you should do. Make these actions goals that you want to accomplish. Measure your progress towards these goals and give yourself some rewards (or punishments :P) to help you more.

Try reading our articles on Consistency and Imaan, too.

And finally, before I press publish, I just want to say one last thing: imagine that your friend told you about an amazing place which had incredible things..and that all you had to do to get there was X and Y and Z, for example. Wouldn’t you believe her when she told you that the place existed? And wouldn’t you try to do those very things to get that “ticket”? It’s the same thing here.  

 May Allah make us like the Companion who threw the dates on the ground and said ‘Bekhin, bekhin” because he felt he could smell the jannah. 

With love,

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