>> Monday, March 21, 2011
Asslamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu auntie :)
i'm 18, i've been married for for nearly 4 months, i live with my husband far away from home.
Alhamdulillah, my husband is a pious man and sincerely loves me. And i love him even more. masha Allah.
i'm the only girl and youngest child in my family. i'm very attached to my family, home and especially my mother. this marriage has made me to change from a kid to a full time house wife, i'm also pregnant. so, Alhamdulillah, i have managed to adopt to that Huge change with Allah's grace. i work harder than i ever did in my life. i spend more time alone than i ever did in my life. Alhamdulillah i'm coping. i do it all with no complaints for the sake of Allah, and i try to be as patient as i'm capable of.
but sometimes it's just SO hard to bear! that i cant help but cry. sometimes i wish for a little understanding from my husband. a little help around the house. i don't want him to cut the vegetables for me but it would mean so much to me if he would just come, stand in the kitchen beside me and talk to me.
Or like, share with me of something he eats or drinks. sharing has so much barakah in it. do some thing together like cleaning or reading. (we do pray together) Take me out every weekend, atleast. it's not easy being home all day and night. i wish he would spend quality time with me, like going for a walk, or just sit down and communicate with me, for at least half an hour. i feel like he hasn't quite become a husband; he spends a lot of time studying (he is student of islamic reveled knowledge by the way) and most of the day on his laptop. there i am, waiting for him to return from class, after spending several hours alone in a fairly big apartment and when he's home, he goes straight to his laptop. Being pregnant, does not make this easy. my mood swings like wild. i'm touchy about everything. i don't understand why he doesn't care whether i have food on time or eat enough vegetables and fruits and drink enough milk. it's silly, i know. but it is these little things that matter to me. A woman's prior need is after all emotional.
but my love for him does not let me express my needs to him. i can be patient, but being patient with these things does not help me be happy. i feel like i'm bottling it all up and i spill it when i cry. and i cry loads.
i took almost a month to be free with him, i'm a very shy girl, very, very shy. and i don't want to ask him for these things, i don't want to be the nagging, complaining wife and i much rather he does them from his heart, because he cares for me.
i know this is silly but it bothers me and i was hoping you could give me some advice.
just so you know,i still love him like crazy.
- 1. Give him an opportunity to show his love to you
- 2. Release the inner tension and bottled feelings that could very much turn into resentment and anger on the long run
- 3. Allow your relationship to deepen and mature to a level where you can both express who you really are and where you feel safe enough to express your vulnerability.
- 1. If you usually make him do the grocery, write on the bottom of the grocery list…”You” or something like that.
- 2. Make his desktop picture on his laptop a funny / sweet note from you and the baby ;)
- 3. Bring out the candles and surprise him with a romantic dinner. Take the initiative!
teach him/ her? OR write some small Islamic stories for him/her.
- Read parenting books together.
are doing things together.
your tears, sweetie and get ready for a new day =)