>> Saturday, March 12, 2011
i was reading the women in black article, mashAllah its great. then i realized that i too, have an abaya problem lol. no seriously..i've been wearing abaya for about a year and hamdulillah it gets easier. but the thing is, my mom does not wear abaya and sometimes i feel as if i'm making her look bad. there are times when she'll say 'i'm in jeans and you're in that'. and people, which happen to be muslims, come up to me and say, 'u know, u dont have to wear that all the time, u can wear pants too. islam doesnt restrict'. i really hate it when people say this to me but now i'm kinda used to it already. i'm wearing this bcos i'm comfortable in it, men don't look at me the same anymore, they don't flirt around with me and i feel safe. my not-yet-muslim friends will come up and say 'girl u look great!' and wow the muslim girl just had to ruin it 'do u really have to wear that?'. wow this is totally a rant. basically my question is, do i make my mom look bad? i don't know what to do, i don't wanna give up my abaya, heaven no. just in case you need to know, i live in an islamic state. thanks, u guys are great, may Allah bless you, lots and lots and lots.
Dear Already Wearing Abaya,
Wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barkatoo!
Now about your question…I feel for you! Seriously, you are in a sticky little situation. You don’t want to make your mom look or feel bad but at the same time you want to dress more modestly. I know how you feel- my mom has told me once or twice something similar. She pointed out that we look kind of funny when we walk together since I wear niqaab and she doesn’t always wear a abbaya.
As always, the best thing to do is to talk to your mom. You need to have a nice, honest discussion with her. Tell your mom that you are really passionate about Islam and that you earnestly love wearing the abbaya. Remind her that you live in an Islamic country where fortunately, wearing the abbaya doesn’t affect your career or put you in any danger. Ask her to try to think of it in a different way…tell her, “Mom, if memorized more Quran than you, would you ask me to stop memorizing Quran?” Or how about if I fasted extra days- would you ask me not to?”
Try to show her that you being different from her doesn’t reflect badly on her at all. Just like if you decided to pursue a higher education than her (such as getting a PhD), you dressing modestly is a positive reflection of her parenting. It shows that she raised a mature independent young woman, who makes her own choices and who deeply cares about her religion.
If she still doesn’t seem convinced, try again. Ask her, “What if I had a very important test tomorrow? What if I had a test that would determine my future- a life/ death kind of test? Wouldn’t you tell me to study? To push myself more? Wouldn’t you stay up with me? Tell my younger brother to turn off the TV so I could concentrate? Wouldn’t you make dua for me?
inshaAllah, she will come to accept it. Just like my mommy did.
As for those people who are telling you that ‘you don’t have to do that’, each of us find different things easier to do. If there’s something we can do that is better, we should seize the opportunity. Remember what the Qur’an says:
Race toward forgiveness from your Lord and a Garden whose width is like the width of the heavens and earth, prepared for those who believed in Allah and His messengers. That is the bounty of Allah which He gives to whom He wills, and Allah is the possessor of great bounty. (57: 21)
And the forerunners, the forerunners - (10)Those are the ones brought near [to Allah] (11) In the Gardens of Pleasure, (12) A [large] company of the former peoples (13) And a few of the later peoples, (14) (Surat Al Waqiah)
We should never Ever (with a capital E) settle for doing just the bare requirements or minimum possible in Islam! We should reach for jannatul firdaus.....We want to be in the company of the Prophets and martyrs, don't we? We want to be under Allah's Throne, right? So let's try our very bestest, inshaAllah :)
All the best to you sis,