Cutting One's Self.

>> Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I really don't know how to say this, but I need help. I was hurt so many times in life to the point that I stopped caring about life. I didn't care if I lived or died. I didn't see any point in my existence. during this time, I started to cut myself to cope with all my problems. It seemed like the only way I could control my life. Then, alhamdullah, alhamdullah, I met these wonderful sisters who introduced me back to the real Islam and not just culture. I couldn't believe it. I started reading more Quran and learning about the Prophets and everything. I found that Islam is something so beautiful. I realized my purpose in life and I learned that trials were blessings in disguise. But I still sometimes cut myself. How do I stop?

Sister

Dear My Precious Sister ,

My dear sister. How my heart aches for you. Sister, I believe that you have been through so much. I'm so glad you found those sisters- actually to be more precise that Allah sent those sisters for you to help bring you back to Him. May Allah bless these sisters and you.

As for your question, my darling sister. I want to ask you something.

1. Why exactly do you cut yourself


2. and why do you want to stop?

You see, sister, this has to come from YOU. I could tell you a million times that you are someone special...but you have to believe it. Do you believe that, sis?

Do you realize how special you are? There is only one you in this whole universe. And Allah chose you to be on His path. And He wants you to be in jannah.

Do you realize that you have something special to contribute to this world?

Do you know how gold is made? It has to go through fire, right?

Well, inside of you is something so special-- a treasure- more valuable than gold. All of those trials were like the 'fire' you had to go through. Now, it's time to let the gold shine.

Now it is time for YOU to be who you want to be.

That's why you have to have answers ready to those questions.

You see, at the end of the day, I am not with you when you are with that knife/ scissors/whatever. You are by yourself with it, so I want you to prepare yourself for when you are alone. I don't want you to ever cave into that hopelessness....I want you to be ready by having your own answers prepared.

And I want you to remember that your past is exactly that- the past.

It will affect you so long as you give it power to do so. Those who hurt you will continue to hurt you when you give them that power and control of your life. By cutting yourself, you are still allowing these people to dictate your life for you. That is why the second step, after answering these questions, is to accept your past. Let it go. And embrace the future.

And you have to respect and value yourself. Let me ask you a question. If you saw someone attacking your little sister with a knife, for example, would you let that happen? I doubt you would, right. So what gives you the right to hurt yourself? Show that same love to yourself.

I know. You're going to tell me, "that's what I'm asking you". How do I do that?

Think of safer alternatives!

1. Have some really soothing Qur’an recitations ready on your laptop for whenever you are starting to feel down- your favorite recitors, etc. Try to do some dua and dhikr.

2. Paint. Draw. Write. Blog. Release your inner tension. Sing along to some favorite nasheeds out loud. As one website said, take a warm bath.

3. Get help. Talk to a friend about your problem and make an agreement that when you 'call her', she will come over/ chat with you/ talk to you on the phone. You can also seek help from a therapist. They are also much more qualified with these kinds of things. Remember, there is no shame in seeking help.

I got you some other ideas from this website: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm


What to do when you feel like cutting yourself or self-harming
Finding an alternative to self-injury goes hand-in-hand with why you self-injure in the first place. The following are reasons you may self-harm and things to do instead of hurting yourself.
§  Deal with anger. Try running, dancing fast, screaming, punching a pillow, throwing something, or ripping something apart.
§  Cope with emotional numbness. Squeeze ice cubes, hold a package of frozen food, take a very cold shower, or chew something with a very strong taste, like chili peppers, raw ginger root, or a grapefruit peel.
§  Calm yourself. Take a bubble bath, do deep breathing, write in a journal, draw, or practice yoga.
§  See “blood.” You can draw a red ink line where you would usually cut yourself, in addition to the other suggestions above.
Learning new ways to cope with stress and emotional pain
For long-term recovery, you will need to learn how to recognize your feelings and manage them without self-injury.
§  Recognize your feelings. As emotions wash over you, begin to identify them. Understanding your feelings can put you in better control of them.
§  Express your emotions. You may be used to holding your feelings in. Now is the time to find a friend, a diary, or try exercising in order to get your emotions out and prevent self-injury.
§  Challenge and change your thinking. Ask yourself why you are feeling a certain way, and try thinking positively. Visualize yourself feeling happier and more relaxed.
§  Change behaviors. You can try distracting yourself from self-injury with the alternative methods listed in the previous section. Learn what works for you, and begin making healthier behaviors part of your everyday life.



 May Allah make things easier for you!! Remember that we are always here for you. If you are in pain, so are we. The believers are one body. We love you.









10 wonderful sprinkely thoughts:

Misha April 13, 2011 at 5:20 AM  

To the sister, may Allah (SWT) give you the strength to overcome this difficulty.

And to talented 'Dear Little Auntie', m'A you give such great advice :)

TheSisterWhoSmiles April 13, 2011 at 1:47 PM  

Little Auntie - your words are gold subhanAllah.

And to the sister, it might feel like cutting yourself seems to be the perfect thing to do in those situations when you feel like you do - but think beyond what you expect you to do. And expect yourself to be a hero - to yourself, and stop. We all have that heroine inside us, sisters, (: so please, at least try - to smile. <3 <3 <3
Many hugs and even more prayers inshaAllah

-TheSisterWhoSmiles(:

Anonymous,  April 13, 2011 at 2:30 PM  

Amazing advice Dear Little Auntie. This post reminded me of Muhammad Alshareef's new video series on different types of sadness and lessons learned from Surat Yusuf. I'd recommend all of you sisters to check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I272GofrLn0&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Rene´s Bare Essentials April 14, 2011 at 12:02 PM  

salaam alaikum dear sister,

You cut yourself because you tend to hold your emotions in and "cutting" allows you to release the pain physically that you have been holding in. You need to seek counseling and talk to someone about healthy ways to express your emotions. Its not healthy to keep your emotions bottled up. Especially since you have resorted to cutting. Once you establish healthy ways to express yourself, only than will the cutting stop. Some people may think that those who cut themselves do it for attention or because they are suicidal. If youd ever like to chat please email me at haveaniceday1130@hotmail.com Im a social worker and your sister in islam!

TheOneWhoNeedsReminders April 14, 2011 at 3:57 PM  

Cutting is not just the way of letting out feelings or emotions. sometimes, people also do it out of guilt and regret and that temporary pain takes away the feeling of self-guilt.

To the questioner : This life is not supposed to be all good and nice love, otherwise we don not really have anything to look forward to once we die... and i know it hurts way too much to have had been hurt but towards the end cutting yourself is not worth it.

Funnily enough, I was going to send DLA this very question but I have been debating with myself whether to do it or not... 'cause im all awesome around here :P but unfortunately sis, I got the same problem like you. And.... trust me those scars will make you feel all gross when you look at them.

I felt like cutting myself just yesterday again, I just made sure I was around people and not left on my own during this time and ALOTT of chocolate and sweet stuff. I binged but i am not sure if that'd work for you.

Anyhow, just make sure sis that you are not left on your own when you are going through these emotions because i know it is very easy to give in when your alone. surround yourself with people or be where your family or friends or anyone can see you. Cry to Allah ta'ala as old school as it may sound, it ALWAYS helps.

Keep any sharp objects away from your reach and I know ia m not the best person to give these tips... but you know if you want you can reach out to any of us for help :)

Maryam.A.,  April 14, 2011 at 3:59 PM  

Salaam sister, i really pray that Allah swt gives you the strength to stop cutting...i have experienced what you are going through too:
when i was maybe 13 or 14 (i'm 17 right now)i was really depressed, although at that time i didnt realise it. I started cutting myself to get attention and to let all that pain out,(even thinking about commiting suicide but that was out of anger and sadness) to have my parents notice me more(since they were fighting all the time,and still are, and we are a family of seven altogether mashaAllah)but after the first few cuts(two of which scars have not faded and are a reminder of that time everyday), after the first few cuts and over a span of a few months i tried to take up drawing to take all my sadness and anger out, whenever i got really angry,i would run to my room, lock myself in and draw until i got tired of drawing, this was my way of trying not to cut myself, and trying to cope with all my emotions. Just recently i was going through my things and i found those drawings, you would not believe the types of things i drew, they came out really dark and almost scary, i had to rip them up and throw them away, i really hated thinking of what i must have felt at that time, but alhamdulillah, i didnt resort to cutting myself again. Last year i went through a bit of counseling and my mentor even told me that i was depressd, but that was all before the light of islam truly came into my life, even though i am born into a muslim family alhamdulillah, we were not very practicing, and what im trying to say is that sister, Allah is always there for you, He loves you, even though at that time when you want to cut yourself, you might be thinking that no one knows what you feel, that no one can stop the pain, that you cant stop cutting yourself, realise that Allah The Most Loving, The Most Compassionate, is there with you every step of the way, beg Allah to keep the shaytaan away from you, the shaytaan is there with you when you are alone, tempting you to cut yourself.

Think of it this way, those times that you are put through something painful or hard, those are all tests and trials from Allah and when you are cutting yoursef, theoretically you're saying that you cant handle these tests when Allah in His Infinite Wisdom has tailored these tests to specifically suit you and no one else, you are also saying that you dont trust in Allah to pull you through the trials, have Sabr, patience, and keep faith that everytime you stop yourself from cutting, your reward for not cutting yourself is increased. This really helps me get through my hard times too,i imagine the reward i might get if i stop doing something bad or i struggle to stop...

Start dhikr when you think about cutting yourself, distract yourself, remember Allah, when you think about those times that were were hurt in the past, think about how many times our Beloved Prophet Muhammad Peace Be Upon Him was hurt when he tried to spread Islam but he never let those incidents stop him from getting back up again, all with the absolute trust in Allah,that Allah would be there for him and reward the believers for their struggles.

Remember sister, Allah loves you, we love you and as the aunties said, you are not alone, you never are and never will be, as long as you keep holding tight to the Rope of Allah and you have your sisters in Islam, you will never be without support!

xoxoxo
(if you want to talk me about my experience or anything else i would love it if you email me!!)
= night.flower113@gmail.com

Love, Your sister in Islam.♥

Little Auntie,  April 15, 2011 at 12:12 AM  

Jazakun Allah koli khair sisters :)
Ameen to Misha's dua. theSisterwhoSmiles- that's gold, in itself. And Anon, jazakillah for sharing those videos with us.

Rene, may Allah reward you for your sincerity in helping your muslim sister out. Definitely as a social worker you are much more equipped than me to deal with this.

Shiru- you're even more awesome now here for sharing that with us. I want to say that if a person feels guilt or remorse, try saying istagfirAllah 100 or 1000 times. That is what Allah wants. He doesn't want you to cut yourself- your body is a trust that He has given you ....

He's so Forgiving. Think about Abu Sufyan. This was the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam's ENEMY for 20 years. CAn you imagine battling the Prophet? Going against Allah in such a way? 20 years? And yet, Allah subhanoo Wa' TAla forgave him when he accepted Islam-- and he became a Companion, Radiya Allah anhoo. So Allah is the Most Forgiving. If He can forgive your mistakes, why can't you?

You were never meant to be perfect.

Mariam, I'm so sorry that you went through that time. Alhamdullah you took up painting. Even if you drew dark and ugly things- at least it gave you a means of expression. Your comment is truly appreciated.

"Realise that Allah The Most Loving, The Most Compassionate, is there with you every step of the way, beg Allah to keep the shaytaan away from you, the shaytaan is there with you when you are alone, tempting you to cut yourself."

Anonymous,  July 17, 2011 at 8:03 AM  

For the last two yrs I used to cut my wrist with razor blade ,when the blood came out I felt all my depression was being washed away and the sleepless nights I spent coping up with the pain I also hurt my parents a lot whn I did this but this seeemed the ONLY WAY OUT! THE SCARS ARE SILL ON M WRIST NOW......... BUT REALIZE SISTER WE ALL GO THRU THIS STAGE AND WE MUST HOLD TIGHTLY TO ALLAH'S ROPE HE IS THE ONE WHO WIL GIVE US CONTENTMENT AND INNER PEACE....WHEN EVER I AM SAD IFEEL LIKE COMMITING SUICIDE BUT WHEN THAT THOUGHT COMES I IMMEDIATELY REMIND MYSELF HOW PRECIOUS I AM TO ALLAH.NEVER LET SHAITAAN GET OVER YOU



MAY ALLAH S.W.T. BLESS AND TAKE CARE OF YOU

YOUR SISTR IN ISLAM AND I REALLY LOVE YOU DEAR

Little Auntie July 18, 2011 at 10:07 AM  

^ Oh sister, I'm sorry to hear that you spent 2 years doing that, but I'm glad to know that now you realize how precious you are to Allah.

WE're here if you ever need to talk :)

Anonymous,  May 31, 2012 at 2:26 PM  

I have struggled with this same problem for over a year. I have been debating weather to ask how to stop. Then I found this and I must say this advice is the best I've found over the entire internet. Praise Allah for guiding me to this site. Thank you so much.
May Allah guide me and all the sisters who deal with this taunting addiction.

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