>> Sunday, April 3, 2011
Assalamu alaikum aunties,
Im not sure how to say what i want to say but ill try inshaAllah. Hopefully i can get some reassurance or atleast some hope in my life.
i'm 17 years old, live in the UK, and i have this thing called PCOS(Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), its where you dont get your period regularly and it has some symptoms as well that i have too.
i was kind of shocked when i got my blood test results last year that i had this, but i wasnt too worried, i was 16 and i didnt care. but just last june i started praying and trying to get back onto the path of Islam alhamdulillah and now i care about my life and what im doing with it, now its coming to that age where my mum keeps speaking about marriage and i dont think i want to(even though i know that its right and stuff) because who wants a girl that might not be able to get pregnant??. i dont know what to do, this PCOS wont ever go away, of course i can get medicine and make it a bit better but the chances are that i wont be able to have a baby. And because of the PCOS thing i am a bit on the chubby side too and that weight doesnt come off easily and i hate it. my mum has been nagging me to 'lose weight, no one wants a girl who is fat'. 'Allah has given you a nice face, good skin, why are you ruining it by putting on weight?' 'when are you going to start losing weight??', shes been saying this for ages and i have tried explaining that it wont go away just like that! sometimes i just want to tell her that im not bothered anymore and i dont ever want to get married but i cant and just two days ago i considered telling her but i didnt because i do want to marry but i dont think anyone will want to marry me, :'(
on top of all this i have eczema as well on my arms, ears and chest and stomach which are side effects of some antibiotics i was on from two operations i had, one last year and one the year before.. this whole thing started when i was 15 btw...
please help me aunties, i dont know if you have any advice for this situation(and i know that this list of problems is really huge) but i have no one else that i can talk to about this without them judging me... sorry if i have wasted your time, i will understand if you dont have answers, i just wanted to let it all out, these past two years have been not really good .... :'(
May Allah Almighty reward you for this blog, it has helped me in rough times more than you know! (Please pray for me sisters...)
wa'alykum as salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatoo,
Dearest in Need of Hope,
awwwwwwwww, sis. I just wanna give you the biggest hug ever. It sounds like you're carrying the biggest weight around. I know when you're diagnosed with something, you can feel so terribly alone...like you're the only one who has it...and it gets to be even more lonesome when maybe your friends don't know about it. It's like you've got the biggest secret ever and like everyone is oblivious to your pain. You also mentioned that you have a lot of other problems and you've been suffering the last 2 years.
Let me tell you this right away:
The prophet (peace be upon him) said: "The greatness of the reward is tied to the greatness of the trial. When Allah loves a people, He puts them to the trial. Whoever is acceptant of it will have Allah's acceptance and whoever is displeased and unacceptant with it will gain Allah's displeasure." [At-Tirmidhi Kitab At-Tauhid]
Narrated Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that."
Now that we said that, I want you to know that I am soooooo glad you turned this question in because I happen to know several ladies diagnosed with PCOS and let me tell you something- yes, it is a life-long condition. BUT it is not the end of your life. It's just like any other life long condition- like diabetes/etc. It can be lived with. It can be managed.
Don't worry. I know how to read. I know that it can affect your changes of being pregnant. It does make it incredibly more difficult to get pregnant, but it doesn't mean that you 100% cannot get pregnant at all. Not at all. It just means you might have to try a little harder; there are things, you can do, steps you can take to minimize the effects of PCOS. We're talking various different ways from medical treatments (such as pills and the like) to natural treatments.....All you have to do is empower yourself with knowledge. Decide that you are going to deal with this and not be 'passive' about it. Talk to a doctor.You're living in the UK, huh? I'm sure you can get access to some really good doctors out there. See what you are more comfortable with and what your body responds to better.
Read books! It's much more common than you think and there are tons of books written on it.
Living with PCOS: ^As that image shows, you can actually read parts of this book online. Just click on it. It's highly recommended, too.
Here's another one:
PCOS: A Woman's Guide to Dealing with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
Who was it but Allah who allowed a burning fire to feel cold to Prophet Abraham? Who was it but Allah who saved Prophet Yunus when he was in the whale’s belly in the deep of the ocean in the pitch of the night? Who was it but Allah that allowed Prophet Moosa’s rod split the ocean into half and let the people of the Israelis cross?
Nothing, and I repeat, nothing is greater than Allah. It is He who created the stars, the sun, the moon- the Entire Universe. Not a word is uttered that He does not Hear it. Not a problem occurs, that He can not solve- not a thing in this world, that He is not Greater.
The truth is that dua can work miracles. It can. Turn to Allah. Trust in Him. He will get you through this.
I want you to watch this video by Muhammed Al Shareef who spent many years not being able to have a baby. Listen to what he says.
Let's also take a look at this website dedicated to real success stories of ladies with PCOS who have had children
This is "Eva's story":
I was diagnosed with PCOS in early December 2002, after not have cycles since stopping the combined pill in April. An ultrasound showed I had PCOS. I was also having mild acne, I'd put on some weight and I felt generally sluggish. It turned out I also had an underactive thyroid (diagnosed October), but despite being treated for this my cycles did not reappear, hence the ultrasound. MY endo recommended metformin but I decided I'd prefer to try the natural approach for 6 months first. I immediately changed my diet, determined to lose the extra pounds, and also to make it more healthy - I followed a VERY strict low GI & organic diet. I had my hair tested which showed me to be deficient in a number of things including zinc, potassium and chromium so I took some supplements too. I watched out for signs of ovulation... and by the end of January I'd lost 15 pounds and I ovulated and conceived.
You can see her baby's picture and read more about the steps she took in detail, as well as her diet, etc. here
You can also join a forum where you can discuss your issue and get more support from women/girls going through what you are going through.
Learn from their experience. You may find 'conflicting advice', but that's because each case is a little different. The idea though is you're not alone. You really aren't. Not only are there many women with the same problem, but Allah is right there, with you.
As for no one wanting to marry you, while it's very noble of you to consider your future spouses's desire to have children, sis, all you have to do is be honest with any suitors. Just explain your condition- explain that it might make it more difficult to have children. Will they have problems with that? Or are they still interested? Honesty is the best policy. Once you do that, it's up to them to read about it and decide if they're okay with it. You don't need to stress yourself out on that. Remember, also that marriage isn't only about having children. It's also about finding your partner- someone you can share your life with.
As for your mumzy telling you all the time to lose weight, she's worried about you. I'm not saying she's doing it in the best way, but...recognize that she loves you and doesn't want you to give up on yourself. Talk to her about needing her help to lose weight; see a nutrionist if possible. Ask your friends for their help/support. See if you can sign up for a girl's gym? Aerobics? Try walking! I walk like every day....(well, that's part of the charm of living in saudi and not being allowed to drive :P). Maybe you need an extra push-- there are diet pills. One of my PCOS friends was given that to her by her doctor (after she had tried going to the gym, dieting, etc.).
I know it's tough. I do. But realize that losing weight is actually considered an essential aspect to treating PCOS. Don't do it for looks. Don't do it for 'marriage'. Do it because part of the deen is seeking treatment. This sheikh states: Islam calls upon its followers to seek medication and cure by using all possible means and sources in addition to the divine sources such as the Qur'an and the hadith”
And all that we said for PCOS, applies to your eczema problems. Empower yourself with knowledge. And remember, that in Islam we are encouraged to marry people for their character. I want to show you something;
Let's take the story of the companion of the Prophet Ibn Masoud. (I mean let's literally take it because I am copy pasting it from: Here)
Ibn Masoud was not distinguished because of his social status for he was a poor shepherd with no wealth, or because of his physical strength, for he was thin and frail. Yet he was dear and beloved by the Prophet, peace be upon him, who appreciated his sincere devotion and his eagerness for the knowledge of Islam. He once climbed a tree to get a twig for the Prophet, peace be upon him, to use as a miswak. When the Prophet's companions saw his thin legs, they laughed..
The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, "You laugh at ibn Masoud's legs! They are in the sight of Allah heavier in the Scale than the mountain of Uhud!" Perhaps your eczema scarred arms/ legs are the exact same. Perhaps they are heavier in Allah's sight than a mountain!
And remember...dearest sis....
Maybe this is your ticket to jannah?
May Allah make things easier for you, sis. Please keep in touch/ write back to this post so that we know you saw the answer. I hope this helps you even a teensy bit. Always remember, we love you.
Readers if you suffer from PCOS/ have any words of hope for our sis, please share in the comments.
P.S. PLEASE WATCH this video. Think you can't get back up? Think you've fallen down? And that's it? Think again.