Dear Readers (You've Got Mail :D)

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Meet the Final Prophet.

hey i muslim girl
i just wanted to share this one thing
when i told my mom she told my dad
and now i have a black eye and a broken arm
umm i am a muslim girl
but i Don't like Mohammad // im sorry i just dont like his teaching
i dnt like how he married a 9 year old and how he beat his wife/wives.. i don't like how sexist he was.. i hate how he made islam about him and not Allah
I am really sowi but thats just how i feel.. i am so sorry

but umm can I be a muslim and not relate to muhammad but love Allah ?
i sowi but even after being hurt i dnt "like" him

Dear Sister,

Before I answer your concerns, let me ask you a question :) Or actually many questions :D

What if I told you about a man who even though he was super busy and even though he came from an extremely macho society (we’re talking about a society where people thought women were things that you owned or buried alive) would actually help his wife in the house and even stitch/mend his own clothes? What if I told you that this man would watch his wife drink so that he could place his lips on the exact same place when it was his turn? Not only that but this man would listen to his wife- truly listen when she would talk, would joke with her, even race her. He never hit his wife and he openly declared his love for her in front of everyone?

But this man wasn’t just a wonderful husband. What if I told you that he was a loving father and grandfather…he used to always stand up and kiss his daughter when she’d enter the room? He would carry his granddaughter and even hold her while he was praying. And he’d love to let his grandchildren sit on his back while he’d carry them. He used to ‘play’ with the other kids, too, playfully splashing them with water.

This man’s compassion wasn’t limited to his family and children, though. He cared about everyone. Like the fact that he never once asked his servant for ten years why he had done something or why he hadn’t done something. Ten years. 3,600 days or so…

And you know the saying to give someone the shirt off your back? This man was like that. Even though he didn’t have that much clothes at all, he was extremely generous. He was always giving away his things in charity. In fact, one day, he came out dressed in a new ‘shawl’. A friend of his saw him wearing it and actually told him to give it to him. So this man went back to his house, took it off, and gave it to him. Just like that.

What else?

What if I told you that this man was also the “leader”/ “president” of the country and, yet, he never acted like some ‘mighty king’? You know how today they whenever a King/royalty/ president comes into a room, people stand up for them? Well, he never liked that. He didn’t want people to stand up for him or treat him differently. Instead, he would sit with servants and the poor. He would help the orphans and widows. He knew the ‘poor people’ of his followers…actually knew them and cared about each one!

When his people were digging a trench for a battle that was taking place, this man didn’t just stand there, watching them do all the work. He got down and dug and dug- until his chest was covered with dirt.

How many presidents are like that today? Can you name me a single one that would do that? Work alongside his people in the dirt….?

What if I told you that this man used to keep all the valuables of his people? They trusted him- just like how we put things in a bank, they put their stuff in his house. Yet, the people got angry with him just because he told them to worship God. So they decided to kill him. This man had to leave his city in the middle of the night, and yet, even though he knew that his people were plotting to kill him, he made sure that there were arrangements in place for the people to get back their valuables and things. He didn’t think “Haha, I got all their stuff. I’m outta here. They deserve it since they want to kill me!” He didn’t think that, at all.

Yes, this man cared about everyone, animals included. Once, on a journey, somebody picked up some bird's two little chickies. The mother bird was 'devastated' and she kept circling the air, beating its wings in grief. This man noticed the mother bird's grief and wanted to know who had separated the bird from its offspring? Yes, this man cared about the feelings of a bird :)

Children, animals, poor, orphans, needy....

I’m not talking about some superstar. Or some hero from a movie. I’m talking about Prophet Mohammed.

I know that you said that when you asked your parents about him, they ‘hit you’. You know what?

Prophet Mohammed was way more patient than your parents and much more understanding. Imagine asking your dad permission to go have sex with someone. What would your mother do? What about your father?

Well, you know what the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam did? While everyone else was ‘rebuking’ the young man who asked for permission to do zina, the Prophet sallah allahoo alyhaee wa salam calmly sat him down and talked to him about it- he asked him some questions so that the young man concluded that sex out of marriage was not appropriate. But not only did the Prophet talk to him ever so calmly and gently, the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam put his hand on his chest and made sincere dua for him. How many teachers or Imams do that today? Would our own parents do that? Make dua for us? Or would they slap us silly if we were to ask them such a question?

What if your parents saw you checking out a handsome man or saw your brother checking out a beautiful woman in Mecca- of all places- during Hajj (of all times)? The prophet didn’t scream at him “It’s HaJJ. LOWER your gaze”. He didn’t ‘freak out’. He just gently turned the Companion’s face away.

And the thing is, what you said about Prophet Mohammed being sexist? And beating his wives? That's completely not true. I have to ask where have you been doing your research? And he NEVER made Islam all about himself? That's completely NOT true.

He said, "Don't commend me as Christians commend Jesus the son of Marry. But say about me, the servant and the messenger of Allah." (Muslim)
The companions of Prophet Muhammad used to stay sitting when he come because they know how he feels bad when they stand for him. (Tirmidhi)
Once a newcomer to his gathering was filled with awe and anxiety. When he detected this, the Prophet said to the person, 'Please relax and be at ease! I am not a great monarch. I am only a son of a lady who ate cured meat.' (Ibn Majah)

You have to realize something. It was Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala who chose prophet Mohammed to be a prophet. Don't you think Allah is the Wisest and Knows who should be a prophet? If you truly love Allah, then you should accept His decision that Prophet Mohammed be the last Prophet.

 In fact, we love the Prophet because Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala told us to!

"The Prophet is preferable for the believers even to their own selves..." (33:6)

Say: If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your kindred, the wealth that you have gained, the commerce in which you fear a decline, and the dwelling in which you delight are dearer to you than Allah and His Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) and striving hard and fighting in His cause, then wait until Allah brings about His Decision (torment). [(9): 24]

This was Allah’s Command. 

"You have indeed a good example in the Messenger of Allah (SAAW) for whosoever hopes for Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah much." [Al-Ahzab: 21].
"It is not for any believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger) have decreed a matter, to have the choice in their affair. And whosoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger (SAAW) he has gone astray into manifest error." [Al-Ahzab: 36]. 

If you really want to do research on the Prophet, sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam, the best place to start is the Qur'an or Allah's words. Because at the end of the day- who are you going to believe? People or Allah? 


Allah says that the Prophet had the best manners:
 And indeed, you are of a great moral character. (4) 

I also really need you to check this earlier post we wrote out 'loving and obeying the Prophet":

And..... have you read our article on women? Because, the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam was actually described by a few historians as being one of the first 'feminists' (in the sense that he promoted equality between the sexes). The prophet was a champion of women's rights.....
http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2011/01/fairer-sex.html

And it wasn't like it was 'just talk'...the Prophet Sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam practiced what he preached:

Aisha said, "Prophet Muhammad used to stitch his clothes, milk the goats and help in the chores inside the house.' (Bukhari and Muslim)

He didn't say "That's women's work. That's beneath me". He helped in the house, sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam. He also asked his wives, like Umm Salama, their opinion on important matters. He didn't think that women's opinions were 'less valid' then 'men's'...

He was also very much against 'women beating' and as we said before, he never ever hit his wives. When his wife Aisha Radiya Allah Anha was 'accused' of infidelity (zina), he didn't slap her or beat her or anything of that sort. You know what he did? He simply told her:

“Thereafter, O ‘Aisha! I have been informed such and such a thing about you; and if you are innocent, Allah will reveal your innocence, and if you have committed a sin, then ask for Allah’s forgiveness and repent to Him, for when a worshiper of Allah confesses his sin and then repents to Allah, Allah accepts his repentance”.

Can you imagine? The Prophet Sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam told Aisha Radiya Allah Anha that even if she had betrayed him ( Sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) and had done such an act, all she had to do was sincerely repent to Allah and ask for forgiveness. Again, 'no beating'....

OKay....you've read all that, but you still don't 'connect' to the Prophet?

Let's work on that, okay :)

You know how earlier I told you that Prophet Mohammed cared about the poor people of his followers? Well, let me share with you a story:

- A black woman - or a young black man- used to sweep al-Masjid al-Nabawi. When the Prophet (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa saalm) did not see her (him) for a while, he asked about her (or him).  “She (he) died,” they told him. “Why did not you inform me?” said the Prophet. The companions did not attach importance to her (him). “Show me her (his) grave,” continued the Prophet. They showed him the grave. He prayed for him/her.

You might think 'Yeah, so what? I"m not impressed". Well the thing is, it’s easy for us to read these things- but when we apply to them to what happens today, we realize how special the Prophet was. Imagine the president of the country praying for a 'simple' janitor or ‘maid’? Actually noticing that person wasn’t there anymore? From all the people he talked to and knew?

I'm sure you've also heard of how merciful the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam was...Like how he forgave the Qurayshis even after all the years they mocked, tortured him and plotted against him.

But let me give you another specific story:

Have you heard of the man Abdullah bin Ubai? He was one of the leaders of the hypocrites in Madinah. He did everything he could to undermine the prophet's authority. Like when the Muslims were going to the battle of Uhud, just before they reached Uhud, he convinced 300 out of the 1,000 Muslims (almost a third of the army!) to go back!

Later on, he was quoted as saying an Arabic saying which is like: Feed your dog, one day it shall eat you. You know, you continue to feed your dog, make it grow large, huge, strong, and ferocious and one day your dog will pounce on you and devour you. He was referring to the Muslims of Makkah being like dogs-istagfirAllah.

So why do I bring him up? Because of what happened after he died.

Narrated Hadrat Ibn 'Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him): When 'Abdullah bin 'Ubai died, his son 'Abdullah came to Allah's Messenger (may Allah's blessings and peace be upon him) and asked him to give him his shirt in order to shroud his father in it. He gave it to him and then 'Abdullah asked the Prophet (may Allah's blessings and peace be upon him) to offer the funeral prayer for him (his father). Allah's Messenger (may Allah's blessings and peace be upon him) got up to offer the funeral prayer for him. Sayyidina 'Umar got up too and got hold of the garment of Allah's Messenger (may Allah's blessings and peace be upon him) and said, "O Allah's Messenger! Will you offer the funeral prayer for him though your Lord has forbidden you to offer the prayer for him ?" Allah's Messenger (may Allah's blessings and peace be upon him) said, "But Allah has given me the choice by saying:-

'Whether you ask forgiveness for them, or do not ask forgiveness for them; even if you ask forgiveness for them seventy times never will Allah forgive them. That is because they disbelieved in Allah and His Messenger, and Allah does not guide the defiantly disobedient people..' (9:80)

So I will ask more than seventy times." 

Sayyidina 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said, "But he (Abdullah bin 'Ubai) is a hypocrite!" However, Allah's Messenger (may Allah's blessings and peace be upon him) did offer the funeral prayer for him! (Later, though Allah revealed that we should not pray for the hypocrites).

But what am I getting at here? Prophet Mohammed never repaid 'meanness' with meanness. I mean, look how angry we get when someone 'backbites' us and pretends to be our friend. What do we do, right? This guy was a million times worse than someone backbiting us- he was a leader of the hypocrites who tried every chance they could to destroy Islam, yet the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam, out of his mercy, prayed for him.

How else was the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam so extraordinary?

Let me give you another scenario. Imagine you're sitting down at a dinner table with the King of a country. He's sitting next to a little boy (on his right) and next to him on his left are 'elderly men'. Do you think the King would even bother with the little boy? That he would ask permission from him to let the 'elderly men' drink first? Well, the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam did that:

"Do you mind if I give the drink to them?’ The young boy said: ‘O Prophet of God! By God! I would not prefer anyone to drink from the place you drank. This is my fair share.’ The Messenger of God (sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam) handed the boy the drink." (Bukhari #2319)

What about the fact that the Prophet was so easy-going?

There was a companion named Abdullah who really loved the Prophet and loved to present him with gifts like 'butter and honey'. The funny thing is that when the seller demanded payment, Abdullah would bring the seller to the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhae wa salam and say: “Give this man its price."

The Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, would then say: “Didn’t you give it to me as a gift?”Abdullah would say: “Yes, O Messenger of God; however I cannot afford to pay.” The two of them would laugh together and then the Prophet would have the merchant paid.

And you know what? Abdullah actually had a bit of a drinking problem. One day, when Abdullah was leaving from having the punishment of drinking done to him, one of the Companion’s declared about Abdullah: “O God curse him! How often he is summoned for this!”

The Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salm rebuked that Companion, saying: “Do not curse him, for I swear by God, if you only knew just how very much indeed he loves God and His Messenger.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari).

What else? Well, I think it's important that you hear him talk...Just listen to some of his sayings, Sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam

- “The best perfect believers are the best in conduct and the best of you are those who are best to their wives” (Ahmed)

- “He who strives to serve a widow and a poor person is like the one who strives in Allah's way."

- "God has sent me to perfect good manners and to do good deeds." (Bukhari & Ahmed)

- “Allah is gentle and loves gentleness. He gives for gentleness what He does not give for harshness, nor for anything else.” [Muslim] In another hadith, he says, “He who is deprived of gentleness is deprived of good.” [Muslim]

- “If a man loves his brother in faith, he should tell him that he loves him.”[Abu Dawud]

- "I start the prayer with the intention of lengthening it, but when I hear a child crying, I shorten the prayer, as I know its mother would suffer from his screams!" (Bukhari #677)

In all honesty, there is soooooooooooo much more that we can write about the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam, but there just isn't any time and I didn't want to delay replying to this anymore...


My question for you though is how can you love him when you don't really know him? 

And sister, I leave you with some final thoughts. You've written several comments on this blog and you've mentioned that you 'don't like to follow all the rules"....Well sis, I have to ask you this question and I mean it in the nicest way possible: then who is turning Islam into their own religion? Prophet Mohammed sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam didn't turn Islam into a religion about him. He was chosen by Allah to be an example for us-- when we choose to ignore the example and follow our own 'desires'/opinions on religion, then we're saying that Allah made a 'mistake' and din't know who to pick as a prophet...istagfirAllah. We're also telling Allah that we don't want to worship Allah the way He wants. We're saying that we want to worship Him the way we want...and it doesn't really make sense for the 'created' to decide how to worship the Creator, does it?

I pray that you do not take this message harshly and realize that I honestly do care about you. I know you think I'm against 'happiness" and 'everything nice/ and good' but I'm really not. I think it's such a shame if you were to lose out on knowing the real Prophet Mohammed...

Please do keep in touch with us.

Little Auntie and Little Miss Aunty

p.s. we've already also addressed his marriage to Aisha radiya Allah Anha.

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The End of the World.

I'm scared about the end of the world,I once heard that it is better for one not to be alive during the time and with te predictions and signs showing it is very close I'm really worried and afraid.I'm still in Secondary school,I'd probably still be in University when it happens.All those dreams of mine half fulfilled or not fulfilled at all.

Dear Scared of the End of the World,


I know a lot of people have been talking about the end of the world lately and it really can be terrifying thinking of what's to come...especially, if....we haven't already started preparing for it or taking ourselves to account.

But the thing is, as Muslims, we know that this was never our home in the the first place. We're just passer byers here.

And that's why our primary goal should be pleasing Allah subhanoo wa' Tala.

That should be the goal that we dedicate our lives to....not 'getting a job'/'finishing university'/getting married. I'm not saying that we shouldn't have those as 'goals', but I'm saying that the goal we should be worried about unfulfilling/fulfilling should be primarily that one. I mean, think of it this way. What if you lived 100 years here...no, wait, make it 500 hundred years here..did everything you wanted to do but ended up not making it to paradise.


On the other hand, let's say a person lives here for only 28 years. But they end up going to paradise where eternal bliss lies. Who do you think would be in a better position?

You see, darling, whatever you want to do in paradise, you will get to do it....

And that's why, when we start to think of the end of the world as the end of our lives, then we've got a small problem. It's not actually the end of our lives. It's the end of life as we know it here, but the beginning of the real life. Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala says in the Quran:

And this worldly life is not but diversion and amusement. And indeed, the home of the Hereafter - that is the [eternal] life, if only they knew. (Surat Al Ankabut 64)

 Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children - like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion. (20) Race toward forgiveness from your Lord and a Garden whose width is like the width of the heavens and earth, prepared for those who believed in Allah and His messengers. That is the bounty of Allah which He gives to whom He wills, and Allah is the possessor of great bounty. (21) (Surat Al Hadid)

Image from: here

And even, though, most of us claim that we know this…that this dunya is not our final abode, we lose sight of that fact, and find ourselves falling in love with the world here. We love it so much, that we don't want to leave!

You know, I'm reminded of this great analogy I heard once by a daee'. When we start clinging to this world, we're just like a little baby who gets too comfortable inside his/her mummy's tummy. He/she has no idea that outside of his/her mummy’s tummy is a whole world out there, waiting for him/her to explore. And so, this baby, a little scared, and unsure of where he/she is going, comes out crying from the mother's womb, right.

Can you imagine crying because you're leaving such a tiny, cramped place?

Come on! This world is a LOT cooler than our mom's tummies (isn't it? :P Sorry, mums :P)/.

But seriously, we sometimes get a little too comfortable here on this earth. We forget that there’s something better for us waiting for us. Something much bigger and much more wonderful..May Allah make us among the dwellers of the highest firdaus :) Ameen.

That said, I do want to say that you are correct about the end of times being very 'difficult' and they will be filled with much fitan or trials. People will wake up in the morning as believers and go to sleep at night as disbelievers. The scholars and knowledge will go away...etc. There will also be the 'greatest' fitna or trial for this Ummah which is the the Dajjal. We seek refuge in Allah from him. Ameen.

Huzaifah bin Al-Yaman said, the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said, " Islam will become worn out like clothes are, until there will be no-one who knows what fasting, prayer, charity and rituals are. The Qur’an will disappear in one night, and no Ayah (verse) will be left on Earth. Some groups of old people will be left who will say, "We heard our fathers saying La ilaha illa Allah, so we repeat it." Silah asked Huzaifah, "What will saying La ilaha illa Allah do for them when they do not know what prayer, fasting, ritual and charity are?" Huzaifah ignored him; then Silah repeated his question three times, and each time Huzaifah ignored him. Finally he answered,' O Silah, it will save them from Hell ' and said it three times." (Ibn Majah)

But, let me tell you something that will be, inshaAllah, a little more comforting.

Abdal Rahman ibn Shamasa al-Mahri said: 'I was in the company of Maslama bin Mukhallad and Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-Aas (may Allah be pleased with them).' Abdullah said, 'The Hour shall come only when the worst type of people are left on the earth. They will be worse than the people of pre-Islamic days. They will get what ever they ask of Allah.' While we were sitting Uqba ibn Amir came, and Maslama said to him, 'Uqba, listen to what Abdullah says.' Uqba said, 'He knows, so far as I am concerned, I heard the Prophet (Peace be upon him) say: 

"A group of people from my nation will continue to fight in obedience to the Command of Allah, remaining victorious over their enemies. Those who oppose them shall not do them any harm. They will remain in this condition until the Hour overtakes them. Abdullah bin Amr ibn 'As said: Yes. Then, Allah will send a wind, which will be fragrant like musk and whose touch will be like the touch of silk, that will cause the death of all (faithful) persons, not leaving behind a single person with an iota of faith in his heart. Then only the worst of men will remain to be overwhelmed by the Hour (of Resurrection)." (Sahih Muslim)

SubhanAllah. How gentle our Lord is. Subhan al Lateef. To take the souls by a soft gentle wind/ or breeze (as described/translated) in other hadiths.

Let me tell you something else that Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala said:

I do not hesitate about anything as much as I hesitate about [seizing] the soul of My faithful servant: he hates death and I hate hurting him. [It was related by al-Bukhari.]

In another, long authentic hadith, the Prophet sallah Allahoo alyhaee wa salam said:

"When the believer is about to depart from this world and go forward
into the Next World, angels with faces as bright as the sun descend
from the heavens and sit around him in throngs stretching as far as
the eye can see. Then the Angel of Death comes and sits at his head
and says, "Good soul, come out to forgiveness and pleasure from
Allah!" Then his soul emerges like a drop of water flows from a
water-skin and the angel takes hold of it. When he has grasped it,
the other angels do not leave it in his hand even for the twinkling
of an eye. They take it and place it in a perfumed shroud and
fragrance issues from it like the sweetest scent of musk found on the
face of the earth.'
"Then they bear it upwards and whenever they take it past a company
of angels, they ask, 'Who is this good soul?' and the angels with the
soul reply, 'So-and-so the son of so-and-so,' using the best names by
which people used to call him in this world. They bring him to the
lowest heaven and ask for the gate to be opened for him. It is
opened for him and angels who are near Allah from each of the heavens
accompany him to the subsequent heaven until he reaches to the heaven
where Allah the Great is. Allah, the Mighty and Majestic, says,
'Register the book of My slave in 'Illiyun and take him back to
earth. I created them from it and I return them to it and I will
bring them forth from it again.'
"His soul is then returned to his body and two angels come to him.
They make him sit up and say to him, 'Who is your Lord?' He replies,
'My Lord is Allah.' They ask him, 'What is your religion?' He
replies, 'My religion is Islam.' They ask him, 'Who is this man who
was sent among you?' He replies, 'The Messenger of Allah.' They ask
him, 'How did you come to know these things?.' He replies, 'I read
the Book of Allah, believed it, and declared it to be true.' Then a
Voice from on high declares, 'My slave has spoken the truth, so
spread out carpets from the Garden for him and open a gate of the
Garden for him!' Taken from: http://abdurrahman.org/finaljourney/deathresurrectionuthaimeen.pdf

I hope this comforts you a little. And sis, remember, it's okay to be 'scared' of Judgment day coming-- it's only natural. We actually should be scared- we should feel a fear that motivates us to be better Muslimahs. We should always always want to be better....to reach for jannatul firdaus and to meet Allah with Him pleased with us :)

Indeed, those who have said, "Our Lord is Allah " and then remained on a right course - the angels will descend upon them, [saying], "Do not fear and do not grieve but receive good tidings of Paradise, which you were promised. (30) We [angels] were your allies in worldly life and [are so] in the Hereafter. And you will have therein whatever your souls desire, and you will have therein whatever you request [or wish] (31) As accommodation from a [Lord who is] Forgiving and Merciful." (32)

Lots of love,

Little Auntie

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Picky Parents?

i know this is going to sound completely selfish of me, but my parents are driving me crazy! they won't let me do anything or go anywhere. it's like they don't trust me at all. what to do about strict parents?
-Frustrated

hey im a 16 year old Muslim girl from bangladesh living in a well not so islamic country... really the only reason im muslim is because my parents are... when i was a kid my parents always taught me to respect and love everyone no matter what their religion or culture is .. but now they are like HARDCORE MUSLIMS
and i hate that.. sorry.. but i do
because i really want to be an actress and a model and they r like NO its harram and i hate that
acting is in my soul ... u know how u feel wen u worship ... well thats how i feel when i am on stage ..dancing,acting,sing is me! and my parents wanna take that away in the name of islam ...
i Love wat i do!
and also i am madly deeply truly in love with a half hindu half muslim guy
i love him i have for the past 5 years my parents dnt like him coz he is half hindu... i need help... i am confused..
i feel like allah made these rules to make me suffer like Allah hates me.. but as far as i know i never hurt anyone, never do anything wrong HARDLY EVER LIE.. i am a good person.. but if loving acting ,dancing,sing and being in love with someone is wrong then i feel like islam is kinda wrong ... 

i am sooo sorry i really dnt wnna hurt anyones feelings 

              -Don't Wanna Hurt Feelings... 

Assalamu Alaykum Sisters, 

Frustrated: I can really, properly understand your dire frustration. We've all been there and it really can be an annoying situation when you're not allowed to go somewhere. But you will be allowed some day, inshaAllah. Just wait for that day. That patience of yours will be rewarded sooo much! Because Allah knows how you feel. 

Look, you may feel 'Hey, I've never done anything to make them not trust me, WHY don't they trust me?!'

But there's more chance they DO trust YOU, but they don't trust the world.

And what's wrong with that. With all the danger and evil which inevitably exists in our world they want to protect you from that. You'll face it when you're older anyway, it doesn't mean you have to face it now.

Sometimes, you just have to breathe, trust your parent's judgement and find light in the situation.

Do something else fun, for example.

Start a blog, make a scrapbook, write, paint, read, do situps! Anything to let off some steam and realise you can find happiness in other things too. (: You can always try to reach a compromise with them, too. Like set a curfew. Agree to avoid going to certain places. Let them meet your friend's parents, too. Let them know who you are hanging out with :) and hey, if you can't go to the party, bring the party home? Why don't you ask your parents if you can invite a friend over to your house?

And remember :) Allah always has a plan, just trust His plan. And always have hope in the fact that this is for your betterment inshaAllah. (: In more ways we know, a frustrating situation becomes an immense blessing.

Don't Wanna Hurt Feelings: It's lovely that you're asking about this, meaning you do want to try to understand your parents? Because that's the best approach to go for, the empathetic one. Once you understand them more, and understand their reasons, it's easier to come to an understanding in yourself or easier to talk about a compromise.

In your situation though, your parents are very right. They want the best for you, honey. They want you to feel a peaceful, blissful contentment inside you which you can only receive from Islam.

Whatever high you feel with acting, I can assure you it is nothing at all like what you feel in prayer. But I have to be honest here. That is...if you know who you are praying to. Sis, you said that you're just Muslim because your parents are. Maybe that's the problem. Have you ever wondered who it is that you are praying to?

When you're praying, you're obeying Allah. You'e obeying the One who has given you health, food, a roof over your head, family, education and mashaAllah, sixteen years of LIFE.   Think about it.  Who has been there for you all these years?  You said that 'acting and singing makes you feel the way your parents feel when they pray". The question though isn't only about how it makes you feel. Worship is about doing what is pleasing to Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala.

Let me give you an example. Imagine your teacher gave you a simple assignment to read 5 notes a day. That's all she asked of you. And you decided that instead of doing that, you were going to write poems the whole day. What kind of grade would you get on the assignment? Did you do the assignment? See, you're forgetting that prayer is an assignment that we've been given by our Lord <3 

And you know what? Prayer is an obligatory act of worship- we do it not because Allah needs it from us- but because we need Him. We are in desperate need of guidance. 


Look at it in another perspective - maybe your parents aren't 'taking away your passions' but showing you something more important and rewarding. Something which will make you happier than you can ever imagine. Just think. What if you could talk to the president of your country and tell him all you wanted to tell him?  Now imagine that prayer lets you talk to the Lord of the Universe....You get to talk to Him and He listens to YOU :)

And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided. (2: 186)

Your parents simply want you to have a house in Jannah- paradise- where absolute bliss and happiness can be found. Honey, they care about you. They want you to be with them :)

Don't mistake their care for 'wrath'.

AS for the boy you like - how can he be 'half muslim'. Islam is more than just a part of life. Islam IS a life? 

In my opinion, you're either Muslim or not Muslim...I hope you understand my opinion. (: 

-He's not good for you, or your soul - and it may feel great but this feeling isn't true nor will it last. You're young now, so enjoy everything youth has to offer and crushes usually go by themselves if you don't give them too much importance.

-The 'space' of your life which he has filled up needs to be filled up with something else, which might make getting 'over him' easier. And I advise you to seek knowledge! It'll keep your mind occupied with things which will benefit you, inshaAllah. Spend time with your sisters - have some fun!

Let me tell you, you've been specially designed and created by The King of all Kings. By the Loving and by the Merciful, the Kind and the One who created us from a clot of blood...He has given you talents for a reason, yes, as blessings. But also as a test. To not act upon a desire even if we ace at it. Singing and dancing shouldn't be done in front of non-mehrams, hon. And I'm not your mum or dad telling you this. I'm a sixteen year old girl from a non-muslim country too.


These rules are there not to burden us, at all. But to protect us. It's just like how you listen to the 'street lights'. Do you cross the street when it's red? I bet not. Why not? Cuz you know that the rule there is meant to protect you. It's also like wearing a seat belt. Allah isn't trying to make you miserable. He's protecting you :)

Tell me, sweetie. How many people do you know who have suffered from a broken heart cause they got into a relationship without real commitment? Love is not forbidden in Islam- but it is meant to be within marriage- the only real institution that guarantees the protection and rights of both the wife and husband.

You know- it's basically all about trusting our Creator. Because, He must know what's better for us. He does love us. He loves you more than you could ever fathom to imagine. He created love, after all. He has blessed us with so many countless blessings. Don't forget that. Look all around you - everything you see can be a blessing if you see it that way.

From an old wrinkly lecturer, to a leaf in the wind - it can all be your teacher. It's all a GIFT from the MOST HIGH. :D

------------

I guess it sounds you both seem to be having a problem with the 'rents. Let me remind you though, that the Quran mentions the importance of respect towards parents so many times. Allah (swt) has commanded us to obey and respect our parents and speak to them in a good manner with gentle kind words. Allah (swt) knows best and we must obey His commands. So, whether they tell you to clean your room or do your homework every night - or don't let you go out with your mates or make you go to that dinner party you didn't want to go to - we must obey them and respect them. They have lived a lot longer than us; and wisdom comes with age and experience - something we lack yet they don't.

Check these too inshaAllah (:

Is Everything haram?!

Why should I Love Allah?

http://dearlittleauntie.blogspot.com/2011/03/dare-to-dream.html

Your patience will be rewarded, inshaAllah. 

Have Hope. Keep Hope.

And, Smile. (:

P.S. Note from Little Auntie: Allah subhanoo Wa' Tala says in the Quran:

We have not sent down to you the Qur'an that you be distressed/burdened (2) But only as a reminder for those who fear [Allah] - (3) A revelation from He who created the earth and highest heavens, (4) The Most Merciful [who is] above the Throne established. (5) To Him belongs what is in the heavens and what is on the earth and what is between them and what is under the soil. (6)And if you speak aloud - then indeed, He knows the secret and what is [even] more hidden. (7) Allah - there is no deity except Him. To Him belong the best names. (8) (Surat Taha) 

Islam wasn't meant to burden you, honey. 
You just gotta open your heart to the beauty of Islam. 


Keep in touch with us :D Wanna chat? :) Send me an e-mail and we'll figure out a time <3

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The Front Cover (Judging Others?)

There is a slight problem, and it's posing major hindrance in my day-to-day life, with my university friends, with my family, etc etc. Some time back I came back to Islam, Alhumdulillah. Since then I have been reading alot, alot, alot about Islam. The problem is, that reading so much, albeit giving me knowledge and clearing my mind, has made me judgmental about other people at the same time. Like whenever I would see someone doing the slightest of wrong or putting a toe out of line, I would start forming judgement in my head- i will NOT say anything to that person however. But its very irritating. Sometimes when my mother will see me that i'm firmly adhering to my hijab and not making hairstyles like i used to or when my friends will see that i'm avoiding music, they will tell me to come back to being normal. I dont know what to do in such a situation. I mean, my own mother will tell me that I shouldn't be so strict in my principles and that i should slow down, loosen up a bit. And that's when i get the impression of myself as being some stubborn, hardhearted girl that everyone will want to avoid. And then I start judging my mother and my friends. I don't want that to happen!!

I mean, Allah loves all his creatures whether I perceive them as "good" or "bad" so who am I to judge someone so quickly? What follows next is subconsciously I restrict my conversations with that person and so this way, i grow distant, distant from people. I dont want that to happen. I dont want to judge anyone, whatever they are, whoever they are, whatever they do. I want to smile all the time, I dont want to sulk in the corner with the fear of hanging with (my own perceived) "wrong" sort of poeple. I want to be humble and kind and soft at heart - like you are!

Dear Not Wanting to Judge Others,

awww, sis. You caught me off guard with your last sentence, there! My sugar sprinkled fudge brownie- I'm not a perfect person and I do not have perfect thoughts. Life offline is a LOT tougher than online. I really don't WANT you to even want to be like ME, at all! In fact....guess what? I sometimes catch myself judging others, too...

And alhamdillah, at least, you are aware of your problem and want to work on that. Before I give you some tips (for you and for myself), I do want to clarify though that I think we have two separate issues here. We have the issue of 'judging others' and we have the issue of 'enjoining the right and forbidding the evil".


Let's start with Number One. How to NOT Judge Others.

Well, I think to do that, we have to remind ourselves that:

A. Guidance is not guaranteed to any of us. The next prayer is not guaranteed either. We are in need of Allah's guidance, just like anyone and everyone else. We are actually not in control of our hearts –we have to remember that we could easily ‘fall back into such sins’…

Remember, the prophet sallah Allahoo alyhee wa salam used to recite the following dua:

O, Turner of the Hearts, make our hearts firm on your din (religion).

B. We cannot 'see' what a person's ending will be .Think of Khalid bin Walid, Radiya Allah Anhoo. Think of the state he was in during the Battle of Uhud and how he was at the end of his life. Radiya Allah Anhoo. He became the Sword of Allah! You see?

On the other hand, we have a verse in the Qur’an of a story of someone who was ‘knowledgable’ but turned to his desires. There’s a very long story about who this man was but for now, I think the verse is enough: (that’ll be your homework to look up the tafsir, LOL :P)

And recite to them, [O Muhammad], the news of him to whom we gave [knowledge of] Our signs, but he detached himself from them; so Satan pursued him, and he became of the deviators. (175) And if We had willed, we could have elevated him thereby, but he clung to the earth (became interested in the adornment of this life and its delights) and followed his own [vain] desire. So his example is like that of the dog: if you chase him, he pants, or if you leave him, he [still] pants. That is the example of the people who denied Our signs. So relate the stories that perhaps they will give thought. (7: 176)

The truth is that we can never know a person's end...and that, terrifyingly enough, includes ourselves. We don't even what our own ending will be. How will we die? In what state?

C. We cannot see the person's heart. It is alright for us to judge the action itself as being correct or incorrect (using the Qur'an, Sunnah, and what scholars say as our guide, but we must always remind ourselves that we cannot see what is ‘behind the action’ (or the intention). A Qari of the Qu’ran could have no other intention but to show off….we could perceive him to be ‘perfect/ wonderful’ and his actions as pious but in reality they are worthless. We can NEVER see what is in the heart. 

D. Remind yourself of this hadith:
Hadith Qudsi 31:

A man said: By Allah, Allah will not forgive So-and-so. At this Allah the Almighty said: Who is he who swears by Me that I will not forgive So-and-so? Verily I have forgiven So-and-so and have nullified your [own good] deeds (1) (or as he said [it]).

And of this Name of Allah: Al-Haleem: The Clement.

This means that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala is not quick to judgment. He gives time. He forebears and is patient to see His servant to return to Him.Not only is He not quick to Judgment, He has commanded the angels ‘to take their time’ when it comes to recording our bad deeds.

Abu Umamah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, “The angel of the left raises [and holds] his pen for six hours from the Muslim servant of Allah who has wronged or committed a mistake. So if he regrets and seeks Allah’s forgiveness from it he returns it back, and if that is not the case then it is written as one.” [Mu'jam al Kabeer, Hasan according to Albani]

Think about that. When a person 'sins' or does something wrong Islamically (out of ignorance), are they sinning against you or Allah? So, who then, should 'judge'? If Allah gives them time, why can't we? :)


But sister,  now let's get on to Part II:

There is a difference between 'not judging others' and not giving 'nasiha to others'. If you truly love others, you would care about their Hereafter and you would want them to be in the highest place.

It is actually Allah subhanoo Wa’ Tala, the One who is Perfect, who commanded us to help each other ‘better ourselves’. He commanded that we watch over each other, take care of each other.

He has commanded us to correct each other.

When you see your friend doing something wrong, rather than internally thinking about her as being ‘less pious’ as you, for example, think about how you BOTH need help and how you can help her in this and maybe she can help you in something else.

We’re here to help each other, not stand against each other.

And let there be [arising] from you a nation inviting to [all that is] good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong, and those will be the successful. (3:104)

The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those - Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise. (9: 71)

The reality is that Allah gives us a CLEAR warning against 'belittling ourselves' and that is not speaking up about something we should.

On the authority of Abu Sa'id (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

Let not any one of you belittle himself. They said: O Messenger of Allah, how can any one of us belittle himself? He said: He finds a matter concerning Allah about which he should say something, and he does not say [it], so Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says to him on the Day of Resurrection: What prevented you from saying something about such-and-such and such-and-such? He say: [It was] out of fear of people. Then He says: Rather it is I whom you should more properly fear.

It was related by Ibn Majah with a sound chain of authorities.

So we should give nasiha. Before you do it, though, just think about you would appreciate being told that you’re doing something wrong :

Narrated Anas: The Prophet said, "None of you will have faith till he wishes for his (Muslim) brother what he likes for himself."

And always ask your sisters to correct you, if you’re doing something wrong :)

Well, sister, this is my little advice….I hope inshaAllah the readers can add some more tips and stuff :D

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Great Expectations

I am a Filipina and practicing ISLAM.
Been reading your write ups and articles and whatever they call it! I find your blog so cool and helpful. I used to do blogging stuffs but then I stopped after getting busy into my high school stuffs.
Alhamdulillah!

So decided to send you an email, and thinking if you could help me outta here.

I'm 17 years of age, a college student. And let me say, I love doing community service. I love keeping busy.
I'm trying hard to pray five times a day, do sunnah's and others. (I cannot call my self a FULL Muslim for I still have flaws, yet I strive hard to be a good one! Inshaallah.)

I don't know how to start my query.
You know, I just feel sad these past few days because of my my situation.
My family see me us the villain, the black sheep and the bad one here. (i keep it on my mind NOT THINK that way)
When I first entered college, they asked me what course which I really want to take. So I pursued it.
But then just this summer vacation, I found out that my mom didn't like it for me. So to satisfy her, I decided to shift even if i was able to finish major subjects.
It saddens me that all these times, my parents weren't actually happy for me.
I shifted. Yes, No more science in my life!
And just recently, my father accused me of something I never did. I didn't explain. I shut my mouth to show my respect. I just cried the whole day! I was so depressed, that after doing all those things to satisfy them, they still see me as a failure when in fact I think, my other siblings are more into failure. I am always compared to my sister. a consistent A graded, good in her speaking and writing skills----and she's always the good one here. Whatever she asks from my parents is given to her. Expensive and Impractical ones. As far as I know, I never asked my parents a material thing. Never. I make alternative ways to lessen my expenses as a student. Infact, I do not tell them when I'm sick for them not to be burdened. (I do not envy that. I don't care. after all, we cannot bring them in the hereafter. do i say it right?)
I don't know what to do! I do the household chores. I pray. I wear my hijab properly. I never involved my self into "INLOVE" and boys thing. Astagfirullah! Never entertained suitors and do astagfir for the fitnah. My parents are both professionals and respected, and I never think of making their image bad, never think of staining their jobs.
I have this feeling that maybe my father sees me wrong just because I was not able to get A grade in my studies for the first academic year of my college life. (and i cannot accept that if that's the only reason, then will I be wrong ALWAYS? and my good deeds will not be credited?) *It takes one million good things for you to be called Good Person yet only one mistake to destroy them and be called BAD!*

I am into this sport/organization that at first, my parents did not stop me to join. I was so active before that because I am also into this leadership. Whenever I am committed to a service, I make sure to finish that. In regards with this one, I'm helpless because my mother didn't want me to continue. She wants me to stop from involving in it! But I have so many pending works and responsibilities to be done this following months. and In fact, I will be promoted INSHAALLAH! But if they will let me to stop, then my hardships and sacrifices I did last year will turn to NOTHING. They will turn to ashes! I cannot make promises that I can get A grade even if I'm still active in our organization. I stopped promising! I have this tendency of failing.
I don't feel like talking to my parents because of the fear that they might get me wrong and I'll be wrong. I was still able to maintain my scholarship though. I know what I am doing. Studies first before extra-curricular activities. I know that! I didn't get failing grades (Alhamdulillah) but they are not satisfied with that. they want me to get into top. which i cannot promise because we have limitations. waaaaaaaah! I'm sorry. I guess my story was not like... hmm. okkaay! Maybe I need some advice to keep my positivity and how to cope up with my frustrations. I know, these things are only tests but I can't just deny myself from reacting or overreacting.

Thank You So Much.
I'm looking forward for your AS SOON AS POSSIBLE response.

Yours,
Hafsa NC with overflowing love. <3

Dearest Hafsa NC,

First of all, let me apologize if this wasn’t as 'fast as you were hoping'. You see, not only do each of us have our own 'real live jobs' to deal with, behind the scenes, we actually have a lot of e-mails to answer (including private e-mails :D).OH, and also, it depends on the type of question. ;)

But, anyways, my heart broke for you as I read your letter.

I see a daughter…wanting her parents to be happy with her…wanting to be loved and appreciated…wanting her parents to be proud of her.

I see a sister who seems a little confused- wondering what more can she for them? What will make her parents accept her?

And about the only thing I have to comfort you with is this-

Sometimes, there is nothing for you to do.

Sometimes, it is not us that need to change- ….

I mean, I really don’t see anything for you to fix. And no easy solution.

You see, we grow up with the notion of parents who know exactly what to say, how to say it and when to say it. We also grow up with the idea of parents who understand their children, support them (almost unconditionally) and encourage them lovingly, etc.

But the reality is that is an over idealized version of parents.

Our parents are human.

I know that sounds pretty 'dumb' and like we 'all know that' but wait one minute….Really, really, let that sink in.

Your parents are not perfect and they never will be perfect. What you’re seeing right now- the part that compares you to your older sister- is simply the ‘human side of them’. The side with weaknesses and faults- just like all of us.

And here's the thing.

I definitely agree that your parents should not compare you to your sister, but sometimes, parents just don’t know any better. Maybe they think that will motivate you more to ‘be successful in the way they understand success.' Maybe they’re doing it because they ‘love you’ and want you to ‘be the best you can be’ and don’t realize that you’re already happy and already trying to be the best you can be.

It's hard being a parent because you are working 24/7. You never stop being a parent, even when you are clueless what to do. Your parents want what's best for you and they think they know what is best for you-- so they're just confused how to get you to see what's 'best for you'.

Sounds confusing?

Think of it this way:

When your parents had you, they probably 'dreamt' what they wanted you to be.

And whether they consciously realized it or not, they probably imagined you to be like them- to have the same similar taste and interests and ideas of success.

I mean, haven’t you ever imagined what you would do with your kids? InshaAllah? Did you ever imagine them to be ‘really different from you’?

It seems to me that you have different interests and versions of success- your parents seem to think that getting straight A+ is important while you seem to recognize that intelligence and success are not limited to ‘grades’.

And that’s part of the conflict. You have different values. You believe helping the community and doing work in the organization is important- they don’t. Or at least, they don’t understand why you put so much work into it.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that your parents maybe cannot relate to you 100% and simply understand your sister more. They maybe don’t mean to compare you guys, but it just happens.

And of course, there’s always the possibility too that maybe they don’t actually compare you more to your sister but you just ‘feel that way’. It’s true! Sometimes, we are the ones projecting feelings onto our parents.

But in ANY event, whether they do compare you or not, realize that you cannot control their feelings about you. No matter what you do and what you sacrifice for them, you will never be able to control what they think of you.

So why let what you think they think of you control your happiness?

 You do not need to measure yourself by the way they measure you.

May Allah forgive me or a sister correct if me I am wrong in that sentence, but what I have understood is that all you have to do Islamically is try to please them, befriend them, treat them with respect and dignity and give them their Islamic rights.

BUT, you do not need to label yourself as a black sheep because you feel that’s what they think of you.

It’s your CHOICE.

You can either

1. - Succumb to this feeling of ‘being a ‘black sheep’
2. - Or RISE UP, be proud of yourself, and realize that you are a special

They are both 'options for you'. But only one of them will make you feel happy.

Really, you do not need to wait for your parents' "approval" of you and your achievements to feel proud of yourself. Why wait another day to find happiness? Take pride of your own achievements and the fact that you are trying to be a better Muslimah.

And maybe, instead of making your parents pleasure your ‘goal’, make Allah’s pleasure your goal and the rest inshaAllah will soon follow.


Just one thing- about not wanting to talk to them because you feel they will not understand….

You don’t necessarily have to go up to your parents and say:
“Mom and Dad, why do you treat me like a BLACK SHEEP?”

But you can talk to them about different things. Try to build a relationship with them based on something other than your school work/ college grades. Reach out to them as a friend. Ask them about their day. Show them that no matter what, you care about them.


And inshaAllah, things will get better.


May Allah make things easier for you :) Sisters, share your advice, inshaAllah =)

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